online dating opinion essay

Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science

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Although the authors find that online dating sites offer a distinctly different experience than conventional dating, the superiority of these sites is not as evident. Dating sites provide access to more potential partners than do traditional dating methods, but the act of browsing and comparing large numbers of profiles can lead individuals to commoditize potential partners and can reduce their willingness to commit to any one person. Communicating online can foster intimacy and affection between strangers, but it can also lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment when potential partners meet in real life. Although many dating sites tout the superiority of partner matching through the use of “scientific algorithms,” the authors find that there is little evidence that these algorithms can predict whether people are good matches or will have chemistry with one another.

The authors’ overarching assessment of online dating sites is that scientifically, they just don’t measure up. As online dating matures, however, it is likely that more and more people will avail themselves of these services, and if development — and use — of these sites is guided by rigorous psychological science, they may become a more promising way for people to meet their perfect partners.

Hear author Eli J. Finkel discuss the science behind online dating at the 24th APS Annual Convention .

About the Authors

Editorial: Online Dating:  The Current Status —and Beyond

By Arthur Aron

I agree wholeheartedly that so-called scientific dating sites are totally off-base. They make worse matches than just using a random site. That’s because their matching criteria are hardly scientific, as far as romance goes. They also have a very small pool of educated, older men, and lots more women. Therefore they often come up with no matches at all, despite the fact that women with many different personality types in that age group have joined. They are an expensive rip-off for many women over 45.

Speaking as someone who was recently “commoditized” by who I thought was a wonderful man I met on a dating site, I find that the types of people who use these services are looking at the wrong metrics when they seek out a prospective love interest. My mother and father had very few hobbies and interests in common, but because they shared the same core values, their love endured a lifetime. When I got dumped because I didn’t share my S.O.’s interests exactly down the line, I realized how dangerous this line of thinking truly is, how it marginalizes people who really want to give and receive love for more important reasons.

I met a few potential love interests online and I never paid for any matching service! I did my own research on people and chatted online within a site to see if we had things in common. If we had a few things in common, we exchanged numbers, texted for a while, eventually spoke on the phone and if things felt right, we’d meet in a public place to talk. If that went well, we would have another date. I am currently with a man I met online and we have been together for two years! We have plans to marry in the future. But there is always the thought that if this doesn’t work out, how long will it take either of us to jump right back online to find the next possible love connection? I myself would probably start looking right away since looking for love online is a lengthy process!

I knew this man 40 years ago as we worked in the same agency for two years but never dated. Last November 2013 I saw his profile on a dating site. My husband had died four years ago and his wife died 11 years ago. We dated for five months. I questioned him about his continued online search as I had access to his username. Five months into the friendship he told me he “Was looking for his dream women in cyberspace”. I think he has been on these dating sites for over 5 years. Needless to say I will not tolerate this and it was over. I am sad, frustrated and angry how this ended as underneath all of his insecurities, unresolved issues with his wife’s death he is a good guy. I had been on these dating sties for 2 and 1/2 years and now I am looking at Matchmaking services as a better choice in finding a “Better good guy”.

I refer to these sites as “Designer Dating” sites. I liken the search process to ‘Window Shopping’. No-one seems very interested in making an actual purchase or commitment. I notice that all the previous comments are from women only. I agree with the article that says essentially, there are too many profiles and photos. Having fallen under this spell myself…”Oh, he’s nice but I’m sure there’s something better on the next page…” Click. Next. And on it goes. The term Chemistry gets thrown around a lot. I don’t know folks. I sure ain’t feelin’ it. Think I’ll go hang out with some friends now.

Stumbling upon this article during research for my Master thesis and I am curious: Would you use an app, that introduces a new way of dating, solely based on your voice and who you are, rather than how you look like? To me, we don’t fall in love with someone because of their looks (or their body mass index for that matter) or because of an algorithm, but because of the way somebody makes you feel and the way s.o. makes you laugh. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter if someone has blue or brown eyes and my experience is, that most people place fake, manipulated or outdated pictures online to sell someone we don’t really are. And we are definitely more than our looks. I found my partner online and we had no picture of each other for three months – but we talked every night for hours…. fell in love and still are after 10 years… We met on a different level and got aligned long before we met. So, the question is, would you give this way of meeting someone a chance… an app where you can listen in to answers people give to questions other user asked before and where you can get a feeling for somebody before you even see them?

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124 Online Dating Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

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Online dating has become increasingly popular in the digital age, with millions of people turning to the internet to find love and companionship. With the rise of dating apps and websites, the world of online dating has opened up a whole new realm of possibilities for singles looking to connect with others.

If you're considering writing an essay on online dating, here are 124 topic ideas and examples to get you started:

• The pros and cons of online dating
• How online dating has changed the way we meet and connect with others
• The impact of online dating on traditional dating practices
• The role of technology in shaping modern relationships
• The psychology of online dating: why do people turn to the internet to find love?
• The dangers of online dating: how to stay safe while looking for love online
• The stigma of online dating: is it still taboo?
• The rise of niche dating sites: catering to specific interests and preferences
• The science of online dating: how algorithms and data analysis are revolutionizing the matchmaking process
• The future of online dating: what trends can we expect to see in the coming years?
• Online dating versus traditional dating: which is more effective?
• The impact of social media on online dating
• The economics of online dating: how much does it really cost to find love online?
• The role of gender in online dating: do men and women approach online dating differently?
• The influence of culture and ethnicity on online dating preferences
• The psychology of attraction in online dating: what makes someone swipe right?
• The role of photos in online dating profiles: do looks really matter?
• The rise of ghosting in online dating: why do people disappear without a trace?
• The impact of online dating on mental health and self-esteem
• The phenomenon of catfishing in online dating: how to spot a fake profile
• The role of communication in online dating: how to keep the conversation flowing
• The dos and don'ts of online dating: tips for success in the digital dating world
• The impact of online dating on long-distance relationships
• The influence of age on online dating preferences
• The role of education and income in online dating choices
• The influence of religion on online dating practices
• The impact of physical appearance on online dating success
• The role of humor in online dating profiles
• The influence of hobbies and interests on online dating compatibility
• The impact of online dating on marriage and divorce rates
• The rise of virtual dating during the COVID-19 pandemic
• The impact of online dating on LGBTQ+ relationships
• The influence of social status on online dating choices
• The role of personality tests in online dating
• The impact of online dating on hookup culture
• The influence of peer pressure on online dating choices
• The role of family and friends in online dating success
• The impact of online dating on traditional gender roles
• The influence of ageism in online dating
• The rise of sugar daddy and sugar baby relationships in online dating
• The impact of body image on online dating success
• The role of honesty and transparency in online dating profiles
• The influence of technology addiction on online dating behavior
• The impact of online dating on societal norms and values
• The rise of online dating scams: how to protect yourself from fraud
• The influence of astrology and horoscopes on online dating compatibility
• The role of race and ethnicity in online dating preferences
• The impact of social class on online dating choices
• The influence of language and communication barriers in online dating
• The rise of virtual reality dating experiences in the online dating world
• The impact of online dating on mental health and well-being
• The role of trust and intimacy in online dating relationships
• The influence of physical proximity on online dating success
• The impact of past relationships on online dating behavior
• The role of vulnerability and authenticity in online dating profiles
• The influence of social media influencers on online dating trends
• The rise of polyamory and open relationships in online dating
• The impact of cultural differences on online dating compatibility
• The role of attachment styles in online dating behavior
• The influence of societal pressure on online dating choices
• The impact of age gaps in online dating relationships
• The rise of virtual speed dating events in the online dating world
• The influence of travel and adventure on online dating preferences
• The role of spirituality and mindfulness in online dating success
• The impact of socioeconomic status on online dating behavior
• The influence of body positivity and self-love in online dating profiles
• The rise of virtual reality dating apps in the online dating market
• The impact of online dating on sexual health and consent
• The role of consent and boundaries in online dating interactions
• The influence of attachment styles on online dating compatibility
• The impact of cultural norms and values on online dating behavior
• The role of communication styles in online dating success
• The influence of introversion and extroversion on online dating preferences
• The rise of ethical non-monogamy in online dating
• The impact of distance and time zones on online dating relationships
• The role of emotional intelligence in online dating interactions
• The influence of self-esteem and self-worth on online dating behavior
• The impact of mental health struggles on online dating experiences
• The rise of video dating in the online dating world
• The role of mutual interests and hobbies in online dating compatibility
• The influence of political beliefs on online dating choices
• The impact of online dating on hookup culture and casual relationships

With so many potential topics to choose from, writing an essay on online dating can provide valuable insights into the changing landscape of modern relationships. Whether you're exploring the psychological aspects of online dating or analyzing the impact of technology on romantic connections, there's no shortage of ideas to explore in this fascinating field. So grab your keyboard and start exploring the world of online dating through the lens of your chosen topic ''' you never know what you might discover along the way.

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Key findings about online dating in the U.S.

Online dating in the United States has evolved over the past several decades into a booming industry , transforming the way some people meet matches . A new report from Pew Research Center explores the upsides and downsides of online dating by highlighting Americans’ experiences and views about it. Here are 12 key takeaways.

Pew Research Center conducted this study to understand Americans’ experiences with dating sites and apps and their views of online dating generally. This analysis is based on a survey conducted among 6,034 U.S. adults from July 5-17, 2022. This included 4,996 respondents from the Center’s American Trends Panel (ATP), an online survey panel that is recruited through national, random sampling of residential addresses. This way nearly all U.S. adults have a chance of selection. It also included an oversample of 1,038 respondents from Ipsos’ KnowledgePanel who indicated that they are lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB), with oversampled groups weighted back to reflect proportions in the population. The survey is weighted to be representative of the U.S. adult population by gender, race, ethnicity, partisan affiliation, education and other categories. Read more about the ATP’s methodology .

Here are the questions used for this analysis, along with responses, and its methodology .

Terminology

• Online dating users refers to the 30% of Americans who answered yes to the following question: “Have you ever used an online dating site or dating app?”
• Current or recent online dating users refers to the 9% of adults who had used a dating site or app in the past year as of the July survey.
• Partnered refers to the 69% of U.S. adults who describe themselves as married, living with a partner, or in a committed romantic relationship.
• LGB refers to those who are lesbian, gay or bisexual. These groups are combined because of small sample sizes. Additionally, since this research is focused on sexual orientation, not gender identity, and due to the fact that the transgender population in the U.S. is very small, transgender respondents are not identified separately. Read the report for more details.

A note about the Asian adult sample

This survey includes a total sample size of 234 Asian adults. The sample primarily includes English-speaking Asian adults and therefore may not be representative of the overall Asian adult population. Despite this limitation, it is important to report the views of Asian adults on the topics in this study. As always, Asian adults’ responses are incorporated into the general population figures throughout this report. Asian adults are shown as a separate group when the question was asked of the full sample. Because of the relatively small sample size and a reduction in precision due to weighting, results are not shown separately for Asian adults for questions that were only asked of online dating users or other filtered questions. We are also not able to analyze Asian adults by demographic categories, such as gender, age or education.

Three-in-ten U.S. adults say they have ever used a dating site or app, identical to the share who said this in 2019 . That includes 9% who report doing so in the past year, according to the Center’s survey of 6,034 adults conducted July 5-17, 2022.

Online dating is more common among younger adults than among older people. About half of those under 30 (53%) report having ever used a dating site or app, compared with 37% of those ages 30 to 49, 20% of those 50 to 64 and 13% of those 65 and older.

When looking at sexual orientation, lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB) adults are more likely than their straight counterparts to say they have ever used a dating site or app (51% vs. 28%).

Men are somewhat more likely than women to have tried online dating (34% vs. 27%), as are those with at least some college education when compared with those with a high school education or less.

Adults who have never been married are much more likely than married adults to report having used online dating sites or apps (52% vs. 16%). Adults who are currently living with a partner (46%) or who are divorced, separated or widowed (36%) are also more likely to have tried online dating than married adults.

There are no statistically significant differences in the shares of adults who report ever using an online dating platform by race or ethnicity: Similar shares of White, Black, Hispanic and Asian adults report ever having done so.

Tinder tops the list of dating sites or apps the survey studied and is particularly popular among adults under 30. Some 46% of online dating users say they have ever used Tinder, followed by about three-in-ten who have used Match (31%) or Bumble (28%). OkCupid, eharmony and Hinge are each used by about a fifth of online dating users. Grindr and HER are used by very few online dating users overall (6% and 3%, respectively) but are more widely used by LGB adults than straight adults. Additionally, 31% of online dating users mention having tried some other online dating platform not asked about directly in this survey. (Read the topline  for a list of the most common other dating sites and apps users mentioned.)

Tinder use is far more common among younger adults than among older Americans: 79% of online dating users under 30 say they have used the platform, compared with 44% of users ages 30 to 49, 17% of users 50 to 64 and just 1% of those 65 and older. Tinder is the top online dating platform among users under 50. By contrast, users 50 and older are about five times more likely to use Match than Tinder (50% vs. 11%).

One-in-ten partnered adults – meaning those who are married, living with a partner or in a committed romantic relationship – met their current significant other through a dating site or app. Partnered adults who are under 30 or who are LGB stand out from other groups when looking at this measure of online dating “success”: One-in-five partnered adults under 30 say they met their current spouse or partner on a dating site or app, as do about a quarter of partnered LGB adults (24%).

Online dating users are somewhat divided over whether their experiences on these platforms have been positive or negative. Among those who have ever used a dating site or app, slightly more say their personal experiences have been very or somewhat positive than say they have been very or somewhat negative (53% vs. 46%).

Some demographic groups are more likely to report positive experiences. For example, 57% of men who have dated online say their experiences have been positive, while women users are roughly split down the middle (48% positive, 51% negative). In addition, LGB users of these platforms are more likely than straight users to report positive experiences (61% vs. 53%).

Roughly a third of online dating users (35%) say they have ever paid to use one of these platforms – including for extra features – but this varies by income, age and gender. Some 45% of online dating users with upper incomes report having paid to use a dating site or app, compared with 36% of users with middle incomes and 28% of those with lower incomes. Similarly, 41% of users 30 and older say they have paid to use these platforms, compared with 22% of those under 30. Men who have dated online are more likely than women to report having paid for these sites and apps (41% vs. 29%).

Those who have ever paid to use dating sites or apps report more positive experiences than those who have never paid. Around six-in-ten paid users (58%) say their personal experiences with dating sites or apps have been positive; half of users who have never paid say this.

Women who have used online dating platforms in the past year are more likely to feel overwhelmed by the number of messages they get, while men are more likely to feel insecure about a lack of messages. Among current or recent online dating users, 54% of women say they have felt overwhelmed by the number of messages they received on dating sites or apps in the past year, while just a quarter of men say the same. By contrast, 64% of men say they have felt insecure because of the lack of messages they received, while four-in-ten women say the same.

Overall, 55% of adults who have used a dating app or site in the past year say they often or sometimes felt insecure about the number of messages they received, while 36% say they often or sometimes felt overwhelmed.

Among recent online daters, large majorities of men and women say they have often or sometimes felt excited by the people they have seen while using these platforms, though large majorities also say they have often or sometimes felt disappointed.

When asked why they’ve turned to dating sites or apps in the past year, 44% of users say a major reason was to meet a long-term partner and 40% say a major reason was to date casually. Smaller shares say a major reason was to have casual sex (24%) or make new friends (22%).

Men who have used a dating platform in the past year are much more likely than women to say casual sex was a major reason (31% vs. 13%). There are no statistically significant gender differences on the other three reasons asked about in the survey.

About four-in-ten U.S. adults overall (42%) say online dating has made the search for a long-term partner easier. Far fewer (22%) say it has made the search for a long-term partner or spouse harder. About a third (32%) say it has made no difference.

Adults under 30 are less convinced than their older counterparts that online dating has made the search for a partner easier. These younger adults are about evenly divided in their views, with 35% of those ages 18 to 29 saying it has made the search easier and 33% saying it has made the search harder.

When it comes to the choices people have on dating sites and apps, 43% of adults overall say people have the right amount of options for dating on these platforms, while 37% think choices are too plentiful. Fewer (13%) say there are not enough options.

Most U.S. adults are skeptical or unsure that dating algorithms can predict love. About one-in-five adults (21%) think that the types of computer programs that dating sites and apps use could determine whether two people will eventually fall in love. But greater shares of Americans either say these programs could not do this (35%) or are unsure (43%).

Americans are split on whether online dating is a safe way to meet people, and a majority support requiring background checks before someone can create a profile. The share of U.S. adults who say online dating is generally a very or somewhat safe way to meet people has dipped slightly since 2019, from 53% to 48%. Women are more likely than men to say online dating is not too or not at all safe.

There are also differences by age: 62% of Americans ages 65 and older say online dating is not safe, compared with 53% of those 50 to 64 and 42% of adults younger than 50. Those who have never used a dating site or app are particularly likely to think it is unsafe: 57% say this, compared with 32% of those who have used an online dating site or app.

At the same time, six-in-ten Americans say companies should require background checks before someone creates a dating profile, while 15% say they should not and 24% are not sure. Women are more likely than men to say these checks should be required, as are adults 50 and older compared with younger adults.

These checks do not have majority support among online dating users themselves, however: 47% of users say companies should require background checks, versus 65% of those who have never used a dating site or app.

Younger women who have used dating sites or apps stand out for experiencing unwanted behaviors on these platforms. A majority of women under 50 who have used dating sites or apps (56%) say they have been sent a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for, and about four-in-ten have had someone continue to contact them after they said they were not interested (43%) or have been called an offensive name (37%). Roughly one-in-ten of this group (11%) have received threats of physical harm. Each of these experiences is less common among women online dating users ages 50 and older, as well as among men of any age.

Among all online dating users, 38% have ever received unsolicited sexually explicit messages or images while using a dating site or app; 30% have experienced continued unwanted contact; 24% have been called an offensive name; and 6% have been threatened with physical harm.

About half of those who have used dating sites and apps (52%) say they have come across someone they think was trying to scam them. Men under 50 are particularly likely to say they have had this experience: 63% of men in this age group who have used dating sites or apps think they have encountered a scammer on them. Smaller shares of men ages 50 and older (47%) and women of any age (44%) say the same.

Note: Here are the questions used for this analysis, along with responses, and its methodology .

• Online Dating
• Romance & Dating

Emily A. Vogels is a former research associate focusing on internet and technology at Pew Research Center .

Colleen McClain is a research associate focusing on internet and technology research at Pew Research Center .

For Valentine’s Day, facts about marriage and dating in the U.S.

Dating at 50 and up: older americans’ experiences with online dating, about half of lesbian, gay and bisexual adults have used online dating, about half of never-married americans have used an online dating site or app, from looking for love to swiping the field: online dating in the u.s., most popular.

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ABOUT PEW RESEARCH CENTER  Pew Research Center is a nonpartisan fact tank that informs the public about the issues, attitudes and trends shaping the world. It conducts public opinion polling, demographic research, media content analysis and other empirical social science research. Pew Research Center does not take policy positions. It is a subsidiary of  The Pew Charitable Trusts .

Copyright 2024 Pew Research Center

Online Dating Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

🏆 best online dating topic ideas & essay examples, 👍 good essay topics on online dating, 📌 simple & easy online dating essay titles.

• Online Dating Platforms, Sex, and Relationships The most popular dating websites claim that their rates of a successful pairing are high, as they allow for an in-depth assessment of potential partners.
• An Online Dating Service for College Students: Biff Targets Marketing The issue that has to be answered in the case is what the college students, as target customers for online dating service, ideadlly would like to be offered.
• The Pitfalls of Online Dating These include the very real potential for deceit, interpersonal elements of physical attraction are absent in the online world and the time involved in interfacing with the computer reduces the ability of the individual to […]
• Online Dating for Aging Adults Considering the benefactors of the relationships that aging people develop through dating sites and applications also helps to determine the actual value of the tools in question.
• Online Dating: An Advocacy Campaign The proposed advocacy campaign is designed with the purpose of protecting people from the illegal conduct of those who use online dating websites to deceive others.
• Online Dating Start-Up Business Plan Due to this, a large number of online dating project has emerged in recent years, and the level of competition has increased as well.
• Relationships and Online Dating The creation of online dating sites and applications was most likely intended to eliminate these issues and make the process of finding new partners easy and stress-free.
• Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Dating Essay Advantages Unlike offline dating, online dating allows the user to interact with millions of people without having to travel. Similarly, with the use of online dating some people have been able to lie about their […]
• Assessing and Quantifying Local Network Effects in an Online Dating Market
• Choosing the Right Online Dating Site
• Better Results With Online Dating in the Digital Age
• Can Online Dating Replace Meeting a Person
• Comparison Between Online Dating and Traditional Dating
• Definition, Advantages, and Disadvantages of Online Dating
• Education and Income Attraction: An Online Dating Field Experiment
• Exploring the Benefits and Risks of Online Dating
• Has the Emergence of Online Dating Changed the Dynamic of Relationships
• How Matches Are Made in Online Dating Sites
• Getting the Most Out of Online Dating
• How Online Dating Has Altered the Process of Relationships
• Online Dating: Advantages and Disadvantages
• How Online Dating Services Make It Easy to Date and Hookup
• Individual and Social Societal Dimensions of Online Dating
• Conventional Dating Versus Online Dating
• The Good and Bad Effects of Online Dating
• Online Dating and Its Effect on Society
• The Online Dating Market: Theoretical and Methodological Considerations
• Online Dating Has Made Connecting With People Easier and More Accessible
• The Truth About Lying in Online Dating Profiles
• Online Dating Mistakes Men Make That Put Women Off
• Influence of Compatibility by Percentages and Initial Attraction on Online Dating Websites
• Online Dating Scams and Identity Theft
• A Discussion on the Negative Aspects of Online Dating
• Online Dating Tips for Single Parents
• A Discussion on the 21ST Century Trend of Online Dating
• Online Dating and Its Effects on the Internet Dating World
• The Evolution of Courting Through Online Dating
• Online Dating as the Future of Finding Relationships
• The Principles of Online Dating and the Issues That Comes With It
• The Aspects of Online Dating and Mate Preferences
• The Concept and People’s Expectations From Online Dating
• How Online Dating Is Threatening Monogamy
• The Role of Uncertainty Reduction Theory in Online Dating
• Discussion of Whether Online Dating Is Safe and Productive
• Meeting Others Through Online Dating Services
• Hunting for Love Through Online Dating
• The Rising Popularity of Online Dating: Key Elements
• Things to Remember When Participating in Online Dating
• Chicago (A-D)
• Chicago (N-B)

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An Argument for Internet Dating

Proper expectations and recommendations on how to proceed..

Posted January 14, 2013

Some commonplace things seem to happen without special premeditation, effortlessly. We grow up, find work, find someone to marry, have children and accomplish other such purposes without paying them much attention . So it seems. Perhaps that is true for some people; but certainly not for everyone, and probably not for most. Most of the effortless success that others seem to have is an illusion. Most of life’s problems are not solved easily or automatically.

Almost everything worth having or doing is accomplished more readily by an aggressive, systematic attempt to achieve that purpose. Putting it simply, good things happen to people sometimes just by luck alone, without much effort, but not often.

Suppose you want to buy a house. Is it likely that the first house you look at will turn out to be the house of your dreams ? No. More likely you will have to look at fifteen or twenty houses before you decide to buy one. If you look at one house every week or so, this process can take a long time. If you look at ten or twenty houses in a week or so—which is possible—you can find that house pretty soon.

The same applies to jobs. I think everyone should always be looking for a new job, in case a better job shows up unpredictably, as they do from time to time. But looking for a job is enervating. Interviewing requires putting yourself up for someone else’s approval, or disapproval. Most of the time interviews are not followed by a job offer. But it is not possible to get a good job without going through such a process. The more interviews a prospective employee goes on, the more likely he/she will finally receive a desirable job offer.

But when struggling to do something, such as find a job, it is important to know what your chances are, so that you do not become demoralized after repeated disappointments. Rejections are inevitable. They do not mean that such efforts are doomed to failure. Studies show that of those submitting resumes in response to an advertised job opening, only two percent will receive an invitation to visit the prospective employer! That means that an applicant can be turned down, or ignored, forty or fifty times in a row without there being anything wrong with his/her application.

The high rate of rejection is not an argument against sending in these applications; it is an argument for sending in more and more of them. If the chance of success is only two percent, the odds begin to favor the applicant if he/she responds to four or five hundred job possibilities. The problems inherent in this process are two: it is difficult to find four or five hundred job possibilities, and it is easy to become demoralized after being turned down over and over again.

This same process of pursuing statistically unlikely opportunities is required for success in many endeavors, for example, publishing a novel, or trying out for a professional sports team, or leading a successful rock band. Most people who reach these objectives only do so after repeated attempts. Or, putting it differently, repeated failures.

Take the matter of dating. Some young men and women meet in high school; and sometime later, perhaps years later, they marry. They never have to deal with the awful feelings of unrequited love. They have never been jilted or disappointed over and over again by meeting one unsatisfactory person after another. They have never experienced the difficult problem of turning away a suitor without hurting his/her feelings. Similarly, they have avoided getting their own feelings hurt when they were the one who was being rejected.

But most sensible people think it is a bad idea to marry young. There is too much young people need to learn about themselves to know what sort of person is most likely to make them happy. Of course, I have seen over the years a number of couples who married their childhood sweethearts long ago. Some of these marriages have lasted and seem to be happy. But in the setting of my office, where people are likely to be frank, most tell me that they wonder sometimes how it would have been being married to someone else. I think that those who meet the right person right away are probably unlucky, rather than lucky. On the other hand, the trials of dating are real.

In prehistoric times, when human beings travelled in small bands of perhaps fifty to a hundred people, there could not have been much choice of mates. It is hard to imagine anything like dating in those days; but men and women did come together, even then. They may not have paired off, exactly; there may have been harems. But even then there must have been some choice involved. After all, other animals have elaborate courtship behaviors. Mammals and birds, and other animals have to win the attention of a possible mate. In prehistoric times, individuals probably had to choose from only a half-dozen or so potential partners. Still, this arrangement worked out well enough for us to have showed up very many generations later. But more choices make for better choices. That must be true.

An argument for internet dating :

We have now, in the time of the internet, an inestimably huge number of potential mates, or to put it in the current vernacular, dates. I have a list of fifteen or twenty dating sites. There are probably twice as many. Some are free. (I don’t recommend those that are free since the people on those site are less likely to be financially successful.) Some people, especially some older people, have a prejudice against internet dating. They make the following objections, which I have described in a previous post and in a somewhat different context:

Meeting strangers is potentially dangerous. Not entirely false, but certainly not true. Meeting people through the agency of these dating sites is no more or less dangerous than meeting them any other way.

Presenting oneself publicly as wishing to meet someone suggests, in the minds of some people, that such a person is driven to dating this way because he/she is unsuccessful dating in a more conventional way. Plainly, false. Patients whom I have known who date successfully are largely inclined to date people they meet in all sorts of places, church, work, parties, and so on— but also at internet dating sites. Why not? There are advantages to internet dating:

• You can be in a dating situation at home, dressed comfortably, at a convenient time.
• Communicating over the internet, you can be careful about what you say (that is, text). You can be thoughtful, rather than impulsive. If it is ever possible for you to be clever or witty, this is a time that favors you. You have time to think. (By the way, I don’t really recommend that people struggle to be witty or charming; it is too hard. Aim for friendly.)
• You start off knowing a lot about the other person. There is a picture, usually. (The picture is chosen, obviously, to emphasize attractiveness . Also, the picture may be a few years out of date, but is still helpful in getting an idea about how that person looks.) Other bits of information include age, level of education , nature of employment, religious ideas, smoker or non-smoker, interest in sports etc. Not all of this is reliable. Exaggeration is more common than outright deceit, although outright deceit certainly does occur from time to time. Still, this is a lot more information than you have about a blind date, let alone someone you meet at a public place such as a singles dance or a bar.
• You get to find out even more about the other person before arranging to meet. Texting back and forth for a while tends to eliminate people who tell off-color jokes and who are otherwise unsuitable. A prospective date may seem unsuitable because of his/her use of language. Or for writing ungrammatically, or for any of a hundred other reasons.
• You can approach a great number of people simultaneously. The rule, here, is that you can certainly date more than one person at a time, but you cannot sleep with more than one person at a time without breaking an unwritten rule and appearing in the minds of most people to treat sex too casually.
• There is some reason to think that the other person will know enough about you by the time you meet not to want to reject you out of hand, which happens sometimes in blind dates and dating in other contexts.

There is, however, a third objection to internet dating:

As is true in the situations described above--finding a house to buy or a good job— you are likely to have to try many times, over and over again, before you are successful. It is important to realize and accept that any single dating opportunity is not likely to result in a long-term relationship, SO YOU MUST NOT BECOME DISCOURAGED BECAUSE OF REPEATED FAILURES. If the first half-dozen first dates are unsuccessful, it does not mean that you are unappealing or that you are too picky. Unless you are extraordinarily lucky, the first ten or twenty people you meet—or thirty or forty—are not likely to constitute a good fit to you. Finding the right person is like trying to fit an unusually shaped peg into a similarly shaped hole. There are plenty of people that fit, but they are a very small minority of all the people out there.

I do not know of any reliable statistics about this matter, but the figures I give below approximate the way these dating situations are likely to progress:

If you are really serious about dating, you join three or four dating sites. You read the profiles of other clients and put up your own. That profile should be honest. (Any lies will surface sooner or later.) Be straightforward. Do not come across as boastful. Do not come across as someone who loves everything in the world from classical music to sky-diving. Do not pretend to being more exciting than you are. Try to come across as a serious person who likes to do things and is interested in new things. Seeming to be sophisticated is not appealing. Since everyone has a tendency to exaggerate, try to seem genuine.

Read other people’s profiles with that in mind. You are likely to find four or five people who seem to be appealing. Maybe. You reach out to them, but only one or two respond; and they seem unenthusiastic. This is par for the course. You are, hopefully, undeterred. Of the next batch of people you reach out to, two respond. You text back and forth with them. One of them who has pretended to be well-educated makes a bad grammatical error, and compounds the offence by telling an off-color joke. The other person, however, seems okay. The two of you talk on the telephone.

You arrange to meet for only an hour or two for coffee or a drink. Since many of these dates are immediately unsatisfactory, there is no reason to make the experience last any longer than necessary. If the two of you are getting along great, you can change those plans.

These first dates only work out about one in three times. The rest of the time you will not like the person sitting opposite you, or he/she will not like you. It is a reminder that, whoever you are, some people will like you and some people will not. You will meet some with whom you have so much in common—so many reasons that the other person should like you—but that person inexplicably will not. On the other hand, some people will take one look at you and think you are terrific, smart and good-looking, and wonderful, for no good reason. Search out this person.

Perhaps one out of every four people you date two or three times will seem to you to be so interesting and so much fun, you begin to think the two of you can have a long-term relationship. The rest peter out. Out of those relationships that last a month or two, perhaps one will really get serious—to the point where you both consider that maybe—just possibly—if you are lucky--- you might develop a permanent attachment . And out of these, perhaps only one out of two or three eventually lead to marriage . This happy ending can be reached within a year by someone who is prepared to date aggressively and who does not get discouraged. I have seen it happen a number of times.

Unfortunately, even after getting married, one out of two couples separate eventually.

This whole process will be disheartening and annoying if you enter into it solely with the idea of finding someone to marry. The proper attitude is to look forward on this next date simply to having a good time. It is possible to have a good time dating, even when the person you are with is plainly not going to be someone you will marry. Otherwise, it is like swimming across an ocean without being able to see the other shore. You get tired. With the proper attitude, it is more like swimming in a lake on a sunshiny day. You can enjoy yourself while you make your way to the other side.(c) Fredric Neuman 2013 Follow Dr. Neuman's blog at fredricneumanmd.com/blog

Fredric Neuman, M.D., was the Director of the Anxiety and Phobia Center at White Plains Hospital. He died in 2021.

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Home / Essay Samples / Life / Love / Online Dating

Online Dating Essay Examples

Online dating and its impact on modern relationships.

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The Positive Influence of Online Dating on Society and Relationships

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Why Online Dating Should Be Banned

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The Aspects of Online Dating and Mate Preferences

Human journey from hunter gatherers living in jungles to digital beings living in virtual world has been an overwhelming one. However, several of our behaviors, fears etc can still be dated back to our ancestors. The objective of the current study was to see whether...

Media Use to Protect on Online Dating

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