college essay about death of a friend

Think you can get into a top-10 school? Take our chance-me calculator... if you dare. 🔥

Last updated March 31, 2023

Every piece we write is researched and vetted by a former admissions officer. Read about our mission to pull back the admissions curtain.

Blog > Common App , Essay Advice > Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Alex McNeil, MA Admissions Consultant

Key Takeaway

Losing a loved one, especially in high school, can upend how you view the world.

It’s only natural that you’d want to write your Common Application personal statement about it.

Writing about death is always difficult, and it is especially difficult in a college application essay. It can take twice the time and effort to craft a personal statement about so emotional a topic.

Since it’s a more challenging topic, you should be sure that writing about the death of a loved one is the right choice for you.

While some advice may say otherwise, writing about traumatic experiences does not increase your chances of admission, so don’t feel forced to write about the death of a loved one just because you think that’s what admissions offices want to see.

You should write about your loss if it’s the topic that will allow you to tell your most authentic story.

So before you begin writing, consider a few critical questions to determine whether (and how) you should write your college essay about losing a loved one.

Questions to ask yourself before writing your college essay about death

As much as admissions officers are humans who care about your wellbeing, they also have criteria with which they must evaluate your personal statement. While they will empathize with your grief, at the end of the day, your essay still needs to hold its own against thousands of others.

Sometimes essays about death can do just that, poignantly and with heart. But other times, students aren’t ready. And that’s okay too.

Ask yourself the following questions and think honestly about your answers.

1. Are you really ready to think, write, and revise critically?

Grief can muddle your ideas into incomprehensible gray blobs. Your heightened sensitivity may also make the critical revision process exhausting.

But your college essay still has to shine with clarity and coherence .

It’s important that you ask yourself if you’re ready to do the detailed writing and editing that is required of personal statements.

2. Can you find a respectful balance that allows you to center yourself?

Students most frequently make the mistake of writing essays that center the person who has passed rather than themselves.

While a tribute to your loved one is a beautiful thing, your college essay has a major job to do. It needs to tell admissions officers about you.

For whatever reason, if you can’t bring the focus to yourself, you might consider writing about another topic.

3. Will you be able to process before and while writing? And if it’s not that hard to process, should you consider a different topic?

Writing is a powerful way to process tragedy. The very act can help you heal and find new direction. But the process can be intimate, and you may not want to share the information with strangers.

Your college essay also requires you to go beyond reflection to craft a thoughtful and organized essay.

So be sure that you’ve reached a point in your journey where you feel comfortable working through and writing about difficult emotions.

Alternatively, some students write about losing people who they weren’t close to and whose deaths didn’t significantly impact them. They do this solely because they think that writing about trauma helps you get into college, but it doesn’t. If you find that writing about your loss does not actually have a profound effect on your emotions, then there is likely a different essay topic awaiting you.

4. What should you do if you’ve decided you’re not ready to write your college essay about losing a loved one but still want the admissions committee to know?

You could consider how your story fits into any supplemental essays you’re writing. Or you can use the Common Application “Additional Information” section. Feel free to include whatever context you are comfortable sharing. This section can be a simple explanation and does not need to follow a specific format.

How you can write a college essay about losing a loved one

If you’ve decided that writing your college essay about losing a loved one is the right choice for you, then we have a few tips.

1. Determine what this topic should reveal about you to the admissions committee.

Begin your writing process by asking yourself what you want the admissions committee to learn about you from this story of loss.

2. Pinpoint specific examples, details, memories, or vignettes.

Root your narrative in specifics rather than generalities about you and your loved one to show, not tell your admissions officers why they were important to you.

3. End on a note of hope, resilience, or forward movement.

The reality is that even with a sad topic, you want your admissions officers to leave your essay thinking about you in a positive way so that they can picture you being an active member of their campus. Your personal statement should therefore conclude on some kind of hopeful or resilient note.

Be gracious about your limits. Write about your loss only if you feel ready and if you truly believe that it’s the story you need to tell admissions committees.

If you do choose to write your college essay about losing a loved one, then you should start early and leave plenty of extra time for writing and revision. What you’ve been through is surely difficult, so be gentle on yourself as you write and revise.

You can find more about writing your personal statement on our How to Write a College Essay post.

Liked that? Try this next.

The Incredible Power of a Cohesive College Application

How to Write a College Essay (Exercises + Examples)

12 Common App Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

8 Outstanding UC Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

"the only actually useful chance calculator i’ve seen—plus a crash course on the application review process.".

Irena Smith, Former Stanford Admissions Officer

We built the best admissions chancer in the world . How is it the best? It draws from our experience in top-10 admissions offices to show you how selective admissions actually works.

College Essay: Lessons from the loss of a loved one

Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

As the only members of our extended family outside of Taiwan, my nuclear family and I took the annual trip from Minnesota back to our homeland that renewed my fading early childhood memories of bustling Taipei.

Jetlag compelled me to wake up at the crack of dawn, which luckily coincided with my grandmother’s daily trek up the luscious mountains right down the block. She was invariably eager to bring my brother and I along. Although my grandma was agile for her age, our youthful bodies bounded steps ahead on hills.

As years passed, I never thought the next time I’d see my grandmother would be on her deathbed.

The summer before I began ninth grade, we learned that my grandmother had undergone a spinal surgery to offset the rapid deterioration of her legs. What had been a risky procedure to begin with did little to help her prognosis.

My brother and I followed my parents on their next flight to Taiwan while she went under the knife for a second time.

The trip up the hospital elevator ticked by in silence, everyone avoiding eye contact. A blast of cold air whipped my face as the doors opened to the intensive care unit. Snapping on latex gloves, face masks and hospital gowns, we anxiously waited in the hall to enter her room, only two allowed in at once.

The first time I walked in, the shrill beeping of heavy equipment filled my ears, and thick trails of IVs sprawled on the floor. The rugged stench of rubber from my gloves clung in the air and my stomach churned to the ceaseless beeps. My heart crashed at the sight of my grandmother, immobile in a gray bed. Her lively spirit lied paralyzed, indistinguishable with jaundice and blackened fingers. I idled in shock the five minutes I was with her, conscientiously meeting her eyes, incapable of digesting the severity this situation had reached.

I left my grandma in a daze as a doctor somberly welcomed us into a room. There I learned that the initial surgery left her with a grazed spine and a pierced stomach, leaving the rest of the organs in her torso to collapse and wither. Her blood had turned toxic.

The doctor spouted more medical vocabulary. Hesitating, he paused. “I’m afraid there is no chance of recovery,” he apologized. His statement hung in the air as he continued, and eventually his words dissolved into white noise.

During my following visits, I stumbled over the right words to express to her. Her pain-enduring eyes masked with perseverance recurred through my mind hours after leaving the hospital. I still yearned for a miracle to occur in the two weeks leading up to her passing.

Because Taiwan is a moderately accelerated nation, I struggled to comprehend that the one-out-of-a-million failed victim of this risky operation was someone important to me, my 71-yearold grandmother.

After the visit, under the dimming sky, I descended the mountain without my grandma. I realized how much one loss affected multiple people. The buzz of cicadas dwindled as I neared the house. The streetlight gradually flickered out. I could only picture her last breath in the lonely hospital room, fading out to the slowing beep of her heartbeat. At that moment, I yearned for the chance to recompense my grandma in any way.

My grandmother was a sole person, but she acquired dreams and goals throughout her lifetime. Until then I never understood how small changes created big differences—like how every life matters on this Earth. Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

Even today, our knowledge of human health is not enough to save everyone. My impact may not be big, but I want to contribute to the gradual advancement of critical medical care. My aspiration is to help as many people as possible experience life’s potential.

© 2024 ThreeSixty Journalism • Login

ThreeSixty Journalism,

a nonprofit program of the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of St. Thomas, uses the principles of strong writing and reporting to help diverse Minnesota youth tell the stories of their lives and communities.

5 moving, beautiful essays about death and dying

by Sarah Kliff

It is never easy to contemplate the end-of-life, whether its own our experience or that of a loved one.

This has made a recent swath of beautiful essays a surprise. In different publications over the past few weeks, I've stumbled upon writers who were contemplating final days. These are, no doubt, hard stories to read. I had to take breaks as I read about Paul Kalanithi's experience facing metastatic lung cancer while parenting a toddler, and was devastated as I followed Liz Lopatto's contemplations on how to give her ailing cat the best death possible. But I also learned so much from reading these essays, too, about what it means to have a good death versus a difficult end from those forced to grapple with the issue. These are four stories that have stood out to me recently, alongside one essay from a few years ago that sticks with me today.

My Own Life | Oliver Sacks

As recently as last month, popular author and neurologist Oliver Sacks was in great health, even swimming a mile every day. Then, everything changed: the 81-year-old was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. In a beautiful op-ed , published in late February in the New York Times, he describes his state of mind and how he'll face his final moments. What I liked about this essay is how Sacks describes how his world view shifts as he sees his time on earth getting shorter, and how he thinks about the value of his time.

Before I go | Paul Kalanithi

Kalanthi began noticing symptoms — "weight loss, fevers, night sweats, unremitting back pain, cough" — during his sixth year of residency as a neurologist at Stanford. A CT scan revealed metastatic lung cancer. Kalanthi writes about his daughter, Cady and how he "probably won't live long enough for her to have a memory of me." Much of his essay focuses on an interesting discussion of time, how it's become a double-edged sword. Each day, he sees his daughter grow older, a joy. But every day is also one that brings him closer to his likely death from cancer.

As I lay dying | Laurie Becklund

Becklund's essay was published posthumonously after her death on February 8 of this year. One of the unique issues she grapples with is how to discuss her terminal diagnosis with others and the challenge of not becoming defined by a disease. "Who would ever sign another book contract with a dying woman?" she writes. "Or remember Laurie Becklund, valedictorian, Fulbright scholar, former Times staff writer who exposed the Salvadoran death squads and helped The Times win a Pulitzer Prize for coverage of the 1992 L.A. riots? More important, and more honest, who would ever again look at me just as Laurie?"

Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat | Liz Lopatto

Dorothy Parker was Lopatto's cat, a stray adopted from a local vet. And Dorothy Parker, known mostly as Dottie, died peacefully when she passed away earlier this month. Lopatto's essay is, in part, about what she learned about end-of-life care for humans from her cat. But perhaps more than that, it's also about the limitations of how much her experience caring for a pet can transfer to caring for another person.

Yes, Lopatto's essay is about a cat rather than a human being. No, it does not make it any easier to read. She describes in searing detail about the experience of caring for another being at the end of life. "Dottie used to weigh almost 20 pounds; she now weighs six," Lopatto writes. "My vet is right about Dottie being close to death, that it’s probably a matter of weeks rather than months."

Letting Go | Atul Gawande

"Letting Go" is a beautiful, difficult true story of death. You know from the very first sentence — "Sara Thomas Monopoli was pregnant with her first child when her doctors learned that she was going to die" — that it is going to be tragic. This story has long been one of my favorite pieces of health care journalism because it grapples so starkly with the difficult realities of end-of-life care.

In the story, Monopoli is diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, a surprise for a non-smoking young woman. It's a devastating death sentence: doctors know that lung cancer that advanced is terminal. Gawande knew this too — Monpoli was his patient. But actually discussing this fact with a young patient with a newborn baby seemed impossible.

"Having any sort of discussion where you begin to say, 'look you probably only have a few months to live. How do we make the best of that time without giving up on the options that you have?' That was a conversation I wasn't ready to have," Gawande recounts of the case in a new Frontline documentary .

What's tragic about Monopoli's case was, of course, her death at an early age, in her 30s. But the tragedy that Gawande hones in on — the type of tragedy we talk about much less — is how terribly Monopoli's last days played out.

Most Popular

The obscure federal intelligence bureau that got vietnam, iraq, and ukraine right, one explanation for the 2024 election’s biggest mystery, take a mental break with the newest vox crossword, the sundress discourse, explained, the slaughter in rafah and israel’s moral nadir, today, explained.

Understand the world with a daily explainer plus the most compelling stories of the day.

More in Politics

Birth control is good, actually

3 theories for America’s anti-immigrant shift

What the Biden administration is doing about ludicrously expensive concert tickets

The Supreme Court's new voting rights decision is a love letter to gerrymandering

How worried should we be about Russia putting a nuke in space?

“Everyone is absolutely terrified”: Inside a US ally’s secret war on its American critics

The WNBA’s meteoric rise in popularity, in one chart

The enormous stakes of India’s election

Why we need a Memorial Day for civilian victims of war

Login or sign up to be automatically entered into our next $10,000 scholarship giveaway

Get Started

• College Search
• College Search Map
• Graduate Programs
• Featured Colleges
• Scholarship Search
• Lists & Rankings
• User Resources

Articles & Advice

• All Categories
• Ask the Experts
• Campus Visits
• Catholic Colleges and Universities
• Christian Colleges and Universities
• College Admission
• College Athletics
• College Diversity
• Counselors and Consultants
• Education and Teaching
• Financial Aid
• Graduate School
• Health and Medicine
• International Students
• Internships and Careers
• Majors and Academics
• Performing and Visual Arts
• Public Colleges and Universities
• Science and Engineering
• Student Life
• Transfer Students
• Why CollegeXpress
• $10,000 Scholarship
• CollegeXpress Store
• Corporate Website
• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• CA and EU Privacy Policy

Articles & Advice > College Admission > Blog

How to Approach Tragedy and Loss in Your College Essay

You may feel compelled to write about a difficult subject for your college essay. Here are some tips to write about hard topics with respect and impact.

by Keaghan Turner, PhD Partner, Turner+Turner College Consulting

Last Updated: Mar 16, 2023

Originally Posted: Aug 5, 2019

Tragedy and loss are not easy subjects to broach in writing at all, let alone very public writing that someone else will read or hear spoken. Writing about tragedy and loss certainly won’t be for everyone, so make sure you give it some real thought before you try to dive in and put your jumbled, high-emotion thoughts to page. But if a difficult topic is the one that compels you to write a great admission essay, then it can be done—as long as it’s done the right way. Before we explore the key elements to writing about traumatic experiences the right way, here’s some perspective through a personal story of loss.

The struggles with writing about loss

One spring, there was a rash of suicide attempts at a local high school in my community. Two of them were successful; others were not. The first time I wrote about this loss was for a memorial service. This is the second time. It’ll never be “easy” to write about, just as what happened will never make sense to anyone who knew the victims. How can we use words for trauma and grief in order to make sense of what doesn’t make sense?

One student, in a mature spirit of activism, wrote an open letter to the school district office, which was posted and reposted all over social media until there was a school assembly featuring officials, professionals, and faith leaders open to the whole community. The Parent Teacher Organization gave out green ribbons to raise awareness about depression and other mental illnesses . Most immediately for the teens in my town, the words appeared via social media posts. That was how the students wrote about their loss in the weeks following the first (then six weeks later, the second) tragedy. Some students will write about it for their college essays, and they’ll need help. It’ll be important to them to do a good job, to honor the memories of their friends who passed away, to get it “right.”

To say the least, people had mixed feelings about these posts and reposts; about what should be discussed and how; and how to protect the grieving families from more suffering. It’s a small community, and these were shockingly sad events. The fact is, these tragedies have already fundamentally redefined the high school experience of the students in my town. The ripples might be subtle or pronounced, but they exist. Peers will mark time using these losses (midterms happened  before , prom happened  after ), and the experience will not be forgotten; it’s now part of their life stories.

Related:  Mental Health: What Is It and How You Can Find Help

How to tackle writing about tragedy the right way

Difficult topics can ( and should) be broached in admission essays because they are a part of life that can’t be ignored and often play a huge part in defining who we are as people. What I told those students about handling loss with their words is summed up below, and it also applies to writers tackling any kind of special need, medical condition, or family struggle in their college essay.

Be honest and straightforward

You don’t need to have been super close to a tragedy to be affected by it or to write about it effectively. But don’t pretend you were affected in a way you weren’t; you’ll come across as phony. If you’re moved to write about a painful event, there’s a genuine reason behind that impulse. That reason is good enough; figure out what it is. That being said, powerful life events require quick-hitting, direct sentences. Be like Hemingway, my professors used to say—keep your sentences short; they have more punch that way. You don’t need lots of flowery or figurative language to convey that your subject is a big deal—but at the same time, do make sure you’re showing, not telling, in your writing . Connecting emotionally is about expressing that time through actions and events, not just thoughts and feelings.

Find your message with the right words

Superfluous language gets in the way of gravity. Be ready to prune drafts until you feel you’ve found the right semantic fit for the intention behind your words. Your essay also needs a theme, a call, a purpose. The point isn’t simply to narrate a sad story in order to show the reader how sad it is (e.g., your essay’s message is not that teen suicide is tragic); rather, the point is to connect the sad story to the essay prompt you've chosen to address. The event itself essentially takes a backseat to the points you want to make about what it  means .

Be respectful

This is really the one ultimate rule, and if you do this, the other stuff can be worked out. In the context of the college essay, respect usually involves approaching your subject matter somewhat anonymously. Names aren’t necessary. If you’re engaging a serious, painful topic—and it involves others—be careful to write as circumspectly and thoughtfully as you can. When in doubt, ask someone whose judgment you trust (like a teacher or parent) to check it out for you.

Seek help for you or others

Is it easy to write about hard realities? Not at all—not in any context, not for anyone. But if you’re brave enough to try, you may find it to be transformative and therapeutic to articulate your experience as you process your grief and begin to heal. And the most important thing to remember is to take those emotions and experiences and use them to help others in the future before other tragedies strike. Writing about these situations can often shed light and inspire others to help people in need, which in the end is more crucial than anything else. If you have been affected by tragedy or are worried about a friend who is struggling, help is available. Contact the  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  800-273-8255 or a trusted adult.

For more advice on college essays, check out our Application Essay Clinic , or if you’re in need of mental health advice, check out the tag “mental health.”

Like what you’re reading?

Join the CollegeXpress community! Create a free account and we’ll notify you about new articles, scholarship deadlines, and more.

Tags: admission essay college admission college essay mental health writing tips

← Previous Post

Next Post →

About Keaghan Turner, PhD

Keaghan Turner, PhD, is Assistant Professor of Digital Writing and Humanistic Studies at Coastal Carolina University . She has taught writing and literature at small liberal arts colleges and state flagship universities for the past 20 years. As a managing partner of Turner+Turner College Consulting, LLC, Dr. Turner also counsels high school students on all aspects of their college admission portfolios, leads writing workshops, and generally tries to encourage students to believe in the power of their own writing voices. You can contact Dr. Turner on Instagram @consultingprofessors or by email at  [email protected] . 

Join our community of over 5 million students!

CollegeXpress has everything you need to simplify your college search, get connected to schools, and find your perfect fit.

Joseph Johnsly

High School Class of 2021

It's an honor for me to be writing to share a little about my experience with CollegeXpress. I've been using CollegeXpress for about a year now, and the reason why I chose it is because it provides astonishing scholarships for every student around the globe. Besides that, this organization dispenses all the information necessary to help students get to college. CollegeXpress has helped me have an easier experience with applying to colleges and choosing the best fit for myself.

Brooke Maggio

CollegeXpress has helped me tremendously in my college search in narrowing down the schools I’m interested in. Using the college search tool, I was able to narrow down my choices to schools that matched what I was looking for. I also used CollegeXpress for their scholarship search, which helped me find scholarships that I meet the requirements of.

Maya Ingraham

October 2021 Mini Scholarship Winner, Class of 2022

CollegeXpress has given me more confidence in my college process. With easy-to-access resources and guidance such as the CX Weekly Roundup, I have been able to find the best colleges for me. Most importantly, there’s a surplus of scholarship opportunities for every student to support their education.

CollegeXpress helped me find the school I am currently attending by consistently sending me emails of other schools. This allowed me to do research on other schools as well as the one I am in now!

Asia Stockdale

CollegeXpress helped me overcome a huge hurdle. Because of the small town I live in, I felt like I would never achieve more. I felt like I could never go beyond because of costs. I feared I wouldn’t be able to find scholarships. I had no idea of where to start. With CollegeXpress, I easily found scholarships—they came to me. It was a helper, and I was instantly matched with opportunities to go above and beyond educationally.

Colleges You May Be Interested In

Ohio University

Hiram College

Colorado Christian University

Lakewood, CO

Coe College

Cedar Rapids, IA

Azusa Pacific University

Personalize your experience on CollegeXpress.

With this information, we'll display content relevant to your interests. By subscribing, you agree to receive CollegeXpress emails and to make your information available to colleges, scholarship programs, and other companies that have relevant/related offers.

Already have an account?

Log in to be directly connected to

Not a CollegeXpress user?

Don't want to register.

Provide your information below to connect with

Calculate for all schools

Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, writing a college essay about losing a loved one.

Hi everyone, I've dealt with the loss of a very important person in my life and I'm considering writing my college essay about it. However, I don't want to come off as using sympathy for an advantage. Any suggestions on how to approach this topic in a genuine and respectful way?

It's important to approach this topic with sincerity and focus on growth rather than simply evoking sympathy from the readers. Here's a structure that can help you portray your experience genuinely:

1. Introduction: Begin by briefly introducing your relationship with the loved one and the impact they had on your life. You don't have to go into details about their passing at this point, as this isn't the focus of the essay.

2. The turning point: Describe the moment you realized things had changed permanently. This could be the moment you received the news or attended their funeral. Focus on conveying your initial emotions and thoughts at this point in time.

3. Learning and growth: This is the most crucial part of your essay. Reflect on how the loss of your loved one has shaped you as a person. What lessons have you learned? How has it inspired you to grow, change, or take action? Share specific examples of actions you've taken or changes in your perspective that are tied to this experience.

4. Connection to your future: Tie this growth and realization to your goals for college and beyond. Explain how your experiences and newfound understanding will help you contribute to the college community and excel in your future endeavors.

5. Conclusion: Sum up the impact your loved one had on your life and the lasting legacy they leave within you. Emphasize the growth you've experienced and the positive change that's resulted from this challenging experience.

Throughout the essay, maintain a tone of honesty and introspection. Avoid exaggerating or presenting your experience as more tragic than it was. Focus on your personal growth and avoid dwelling on the loss itself. This approach will help you convey a genuine and respectful reflection of your experience without seeming like you're leveraging sympathy for your benefit.

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

Is it OK to Write about Death in Your College Application Essay?

Written by Elyse Krantz on October 6th, 2016

• how to write a personal statement ,
• writing college essays ,
• winning (or losing) the “big game,”
• that horrible breakup with your girlfriend or boyfriend,
• your eyes being opened after volunteering in a third-world country, and
• the tragic loss or grave illness of a close family member.
• Did the essay successfully demonstrate the student’s personal qualities and characteristics?
• Was the essay a powerful and genuine expression of who the student is and what his passions are?
• Did the essay convey how the student might positively contribute to a campus community?

amet, adipisicing elit sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt?

Follow these pre-application steps to help your student stay on track for admissions success., related resources.

Read | Posted on November 17th, 2023

Are Optional College Essays Really Optional?

Read | Posted on November 6th, 2023

4 Tips for Writing the University of California Essays

Read | Posted on September 21st, 2023

Speak Your Truth: Sharing Your Identity in College Essays

Browse categories.

• Applying For Financial Aid
• Choosing The Right College
• College Admissions Consulting
• College Applications
• College Coach Mentionables: News & Events
• College Entrance Exams
• College Essays
• College Loan Advice
• College Visits
• Finding Scholarships
• How To Pay For College
• Meet a College Finance Expert
• Meet An Admissions Counselor
• Uncategorized

Interested?

Call 877-402-6224   or complete the form for information on getting your student started with one of our experts.

My Best Friend Unexpectedly Died. Here's What I Learned About Unrelenting Grief.

Guest Writer

People rarely want to talk about death. Whether it’s about their own death, the death of someone they love or just the concept of death, most people would rather chat about colonoscopies and taxes than discuss something they’re so afraid of and don’t really understand.

I was the same way until I experienced a profound loss just over a year ago. My best friend since the 9th grade died after suffering a grand mal seizure. She went into cardiac arrest and although she was revived, a week later she was pronounced brain dead. Her family made the difficult decision to remove her breathing tube and let her go on her own terms.

We had been friends from adolescence to adulthood and we’d been through every major milestone together. Except for a five-year gap during college when we drifted apart, we were in each other’s lives for over 40 years.

I was there when she got married. I held her children when they were born. I watched her become a gifted teacher. She saw me struggle professionally for years until I finally found my niche. She wiped away my tears over failed relationships. She was there during the biggest crisis of my life when my mother suffered a brain aneurysm. We had built an incredible life together based on understanding, acceptance and love.

When her husband called me that early Monday morning, I couldn’t grasp what he was saying. All I could make out was that she’d suffered some sort of seizure and a Flight For Life had taken her to a trauma center in Portland. “How could this be happening,” I wondered. I had just seen her two days before and she was fine! She was happy and upbeat! I was stunned. And ever since that morning, nothing has ever been the same for me.

After a week filled with hope and disappointment, she was gone. I’m grateful her son put me on speaker phone while he sat next to her in the hospital so I could beg her to wake up and tell her I loved her. But it didn’t matter ― I’d never see my beautiful and amazing friend again.

No more cups of coffee. No more movies. No more shopping in junk shops. No more late-night texting.

It’s been just over a year and I’m still devastated.

After she died, I spent the next few months in a fog. I sell print advertising and my sales took a major dive. I’ll be forever thankful to my boss for being so understanding. This was the height of the pandemic and everything was shut down, so I gave myself permission to shut down, too. I worked virtually so I didn’t have to be my usual upbeat self. Most of my interactions with clients were via email, so I didn’t even have to smile or pretend to be interested in their lives. It took way too much energy to muster any enthusiasm to try and convince people that advertising would help their business. How could I care about their business when my world had been turned upside down? I did whatever I could to just make it through the day. And then another. And then another.

The little energy I did have was channeled into supporting her husband and children. I checked in with her husband almost every day. I had known him for over 30 years, but never really had any deep conversations with him without my friend being present. I had always liked and respected him because he was her husband and she loved him, but now I was learning more about him ― not as her partner but as an individual ― and I began to forge my own bond with him.

“I’ve learned that there is no timeline for grief. There’s no expiration date. Whether it’s been days or decades since you lost someone, it can still hurt as much as the moment they left.”

Grief can be a punishing emotion. Sometimes, it feels like I’m hauling around a giant boulder in my stomach. I sigh a lot as if I’m trying to exhale the pain. I feel wobbly and off balance. I’m often overwhelmed by loneliness even though I’m in a room full of people.

Grief is unpredictable. It comes in waves and when you least expect it. It’s always there and doesn’t care if it’s Christmas or your birthday. It casts a pall over everything you do. It causes anxiety and panic attacks. It causes despair. It affects your job and relationships. It’s like a perpetual storm with too few and too brief breaks to let the sunlight in before the pitch black clouds return.

I’ve experienced a lot of loss in my life. I lost my mother and father, both of whom I loved with my entire soul. I’ve lost two of my brothers without warning ― one just 10 months after my best friend died. I’ve lost pets that were so special to me, my world revolved around them. And I’ve discovered that each bout of grief is different. Each loss is unique and painful in its own way.

Grief has taught me about life, too. I found that the friends I thought would be there for me when I needed them, weren’t. And the ones I thought wouldn’t reach out or care, did.

I’ve learned that there is no timeline for grief. There’s no expiration date. Whether it’s been days or decades since you lost someone, it can still hurt as much as the moment they left. You just learn to accommodate the pain. You accept that nothing will ever be the same and try not to have any expectations of returning to the way your life was before the loss. You just live with it.

I’m happy to say there are finally more sunny days than cloudy ones. I can now think of my best friend with more smiles than with tears. I’m grateful I told her how much I loved her and how proud I was of her. She lives on through her son and daughter. I see her compassion, humor and ideals in them every day.

I read somewhere that grief is simply love with no place to go. I’m grateful I got to experience that kind of love because a lot of people never do. And I will try my hardest to go on with my own life as a way to honor hers.

Stephanie Baker lives in McMinnville, the epicenter of Oregon wine country. She sells advertising for a living and in her spare time enjoys writing, watching trashy reality shows and snuggling with her dog, Darby.

Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch .

Popular in the Community

From our partner, more in huffpost personal.

• [email protected]

• Candle Gallery
• View Tributes
• How to Write an Obituary
• Pet Tributes
• Candle Gallery For Pets
• Healing through Art
• Other Ways to Memorialize
• Grief is and grief is not…
• Grieving During the Holidays
• The Mourner’s Bill of Rights
• Helping Children Cope & Deal with Grief
• Death of a Child
• Death of a Spouse
• Death of a Parent
• Death of a Sibling
• Death of a Friend
• Just for Seniors
• Death by Suicide
• Helping Someone Grieve
• Grief Coach
• Death of a Pet
• HealGrief Blog
• Virtual Support
• Actively Moving Forward
• Grief Sensitive Campus Initiative
• Understanding Grief
• Candle Gallery for Pets
• Let’s Talk Death
• Loss project
• Artful Healing
• Before I die…
• On-line Programming
• Local & National Support
• Talk of a Lifetime
• Traditions and Customs for Funerals
• Virtual Support Groups
• For Young Adults
• Confessions of a Syllabus-holic
• Coping with Grief in College
• Testimonials
• Tips for College Students
• Research Findings
• College Student Grief Facts
• Action Steps for Faculty & Staff
• Grief Awareness Spotlights
• Support Your Friend
• The Role of Funeral Homes
• Plan Your Goodbyes at Remembering a Life
• Advanced Care Planning
• Hospice Care
• End-of-Life Checklist
• End of Life Planning Flow Chart
• Living Will
• Estate Planning
• Funeral Planning
• Before I die I want to…

Are you a college student with someone in your life who is ailing or deceased?  Or maybe you have a friend who is coping with grief in college and you are helping them go through this experience? Below we offer some thoughts about some things that may help.

What to expect:, first of all, you will likely feel as though you are the only person on your campus who is coping with illness or death. while few share their experiences with others, you are not alone. research shows that 35-48% of college students have lost a family member or close friend within the last 2 years., one student shared that “[he is] searching for others who have struggled with the same feelings; who have, like [him], felt alone in my grief.”, another student wrote once that “[she] experienced so much emotional, mental, and physical duress from the loss of [her] mother to lung cancer.”, it is very difficult to cope with grief during the college years, because:, there is so much academic pressure., you may be away from home for the first time., you may be too far from home to travel to your loved one or family., developmentally, you are trying to gain autonomy (independence)., college is supposed to be the “best four years of your life.”, friends and faculty may be insensitive and tell you to “move on.”, therefore, the death of someone in your life can result in a decline in academic performance, social anxiety, sleep disturbances, and possible depression. in some cases, serious mental health issues can arise..

What you can do:

Share your feelings with a friend, friends, or support group members, “who understand.” it’s ok to be sad and you need to be able to talk to someone on campus that you can trust., if you are a friend of someone who is grieving, listen to them when they need someone to talk to. let them know that you are here to talk any time they need to talk, and remember that grief lasts much longer than most people who haven’t experienced grief would expect. you don’t have to “fix” anything for them, you just need to be there., if you are interested in talking with a professional counselor, then try it and see what it’s like., participate in a walk or fundraiser in honor of your ill or deceased person with a couple of friends through amf’s service group. fundraisers help me to feel like i’m doing something positive., go home when you want to (if you can). if you feel like going home to see your family, you should. but if you want some space at school, which is normal, then stay on campus., make sure your professors know at the beginning of the semester what you are going through, no surprises., it is important that you begin to reach out to others who are going through their own grief journeys. the amf support group provides a perfect opportunity for you to support others that knew what you’re going through and the opportunity to honor your ill or deceased person., what are grief and mourning, grief: the painful emotional, physical, mental and spiritual reactions to a loss, emotional: sadness, anger, ambivalence, relief, guilt, embarrassment, shame, hurt, loneliness, fear, betrayal, etc., physical: fatigue, body aches and pains, disrupted sleeping, eating and sexual patterns, crying, dizziness, tension, etc., mental: diminished concentration and focus, inability to make decisions, sensory hallucinations, thinking you’re going “crazy”, forgetting (even simple things), disorganization, etc., mourning/grieving is known as the painful process of working through the reactions. it is sometimes referred to as “grief work”., grieving does not mean “getting over it” or “forgetting”: it’s about incorporating the loss into our life story and finding our own meaning in it., bereavement and grieving is a lifelong process: it comes and goes with each new loss or transition (coming to college, leaving home, graduating, getting married, having a child, starting a job, moving, other deaths, ending or beginning a relationship/friendship)., grieving involves emotional pain: we often try to avoid this…even though we readily accept that it is part of healing physical wounds. think of having an invisible heart wound, or soul wound., some things to understand about the journey of grief:, it’s not necessary to do all of the pain at once: we try to do it in regular doses (when we experience pain). this is similar to taking a dose of medicine for a physical wound. taking all of your medicine at once could kill you…but in doses it brings temporary relief that allows you to go about your business until it’s time for the next dose. over time, you need less and less, and you don’t have to take it as often., it is important not to do all of the painful work alone or without support (though sometimes we do need solitude) sometimes we need to teach others how to help us., it is not a linear process: it ebbs and flows., a “conspiracy of silence” is what keeps people from talking to each other about loss. “i don’t mention it because i don’t want to upset you, and you don’t mention it because you don’t want to upset me”. we conspire to keep silent., s.t.u.g. reactions (t. rando) are a normal part of the grieving process: s.t.u.g. stands for “subsequent, temporary, upsurge of grief” and are triggered by sudden, unexpected reminders such as hearing a song, etc., every person’s grief and mourning process is a unique experience. for numerous reasons, no two people grieve in exactly the same way(s), or for the same amount of time, or to the same intensity. there are some commonalities, however., our goal is to recognize the similarities that we see in each other and honor and support the differences., this document has been provided by carol evangelisto, phd and edited by actively moving forward® (amf), a healgrief® program..

COPYRIGHTS © 2018 HealGrief All rights reserved. ...

Make a $10 One Time Donation

Edit information.

• Allowed extensions: JPG, JPEG, PNG, GIF

Please login or register to proceed...

Remember Me

Or you can login, register and connect with us through: Login Login with facebook Login Login with google

Narrative Essay Example on Facing Death of a Loved One

Everything that happens in people's lives, especially in childhood, greatly impacts the future development of personality. Every event has a certain type of denotation: neutral, positive, or negative. Unfortunately, almost all negative events have the most forceful impact on everyone. Indeed, different events imply different levels of emotions. For example, a broken toy (even if it is the most loved one) will never cause such emotional damage as the death of a close family member. The death of a beloved person is one of the worst things that could happen in the whole life. Experts in psychology have already researched this issue, but since it leads to numerous significant mental damages, new research and programs should be implemented to find new ways of solutions.

Confronting the Stages of Grief

Such a serious issue as the death of a close person took place in my life. When I was younger, I had a very good friend, and we spent almost all childhood and adolescence together. My friend had a brother; they were best friends even though his brother was two years older. One day, the brother of my friend drowned in a river, and it was a huge loss for his family and friends. Their parents were crushed by it but did everything possible to stay strong for their younger son. Unfortunately, it was really hard for my friend to cope with such a huge loss.

When the hard time comes, every person needs emotional support. I also had one almost identical loss in my life, and I knew better than everybody else how hard to live with it emotionally. Talking about me and my friend, I should say that my feelings were rather contradictory because I wanted to help him to get through this hard period, but, on the other hand, I did not even want to be near him because, unintentionally, he was a constant reminder of my loss. However, I did everything I could to cope with my pain to support my close friend.

While I spent time with him, I could also vividly see him passing through all stages of death acceptance. At first, he was shocked and showed disbelief at what had happened. The shock resulted in his abnormal behavior, as he did not say a word for almost a month. His appearance and actions showed that his conscious created an alternative reality to protect the mind from irreversible damage. In addition, he had problems with nutrition, as in the vast majority of cases, he refused to eat. As a result, poor nutrition negatively affected his physical health and resulted in serious problems with heart, liver, and digestion. Those diseases were successfully cured already, but back in those days, his health was in a really bad condition.

In a month, he went forward to the denial stage. Suddenly, he started talking, but he also acted like nothing happened. Such behavior is considered to be rather normal in psychology, but in the real life, the severity of mental state may vary. Disbelief and denial are the parts of the defensive mechanism, which protected my friend from the dreadful reality. My friend's mind created the scenario where his brother was alive but temporarily moved to another place nearby. When he was on this stage, it was easier for us all on the emotional level because he did not suffer as much as earlier and later. The denial lasted for a few weeks, and his behavior turned violent. When I had such a situation in life, I do not remember if I was in denial, but I surely remembered that I became a lot more irritable and aggressive.

My friend showed almost identical behavior and became rather violent and offensive towards other people. In addition, he even was rude to his parents, which is absolutely unacceptable. Unfortunately, there were no good psychologists in the city to treat him properly, but with our constant help and support, he was in the anger stage not for long. I did my best to help him on this stage, because I remembered how important the support of the people one care about.

In addition to those mentioned above, I can say that he was also on the bargaining stage. My friend prayed daily to God with only one asking: to bring the brother back and take him instead. This stage lasted not long because he could do nothing about it. Bargaining had brought a serious depression, and my friend had lost interest in everything surrounding him. It was hard for his parents to see him in such a condition. However, we all tried to talk to him, and I remembered what I wanted to hear in terms of my depression. It was a real pleasure for me to know that my words helped him to end depression. Every person who has faced the death of a loved one needs to know that he or she has moved to a better place, and even though this person is not near physically, he or she has never left spiritually. Realizing this idea always helps people to move forward from depression to acceptance.

In the end, my friend had finally come to acceptance of his brother being dead. His grief never left him completely; however, my friend learned that he can live with this loss, and his brother never left him and would stay in the heart and memories forever.

Symptoms and Ways to Cope with Death of a Loved One

Taking into account the story mentioned above, one can say that the death of a loved person is one of the most stressful events that may result in serious mental and physical damage. Even though all major aspects of consequences caused by death of a loved person have already been researched numerous times, this issue remains being topical.

Client's review

" I ordered a chep essay on this website. Guys I was so surprised the essay was written better that I though it'd be. "

Sara J. reviewed EliteWritings on August 15, 2018, via SiteJabber .  Click to see the original review on an external website.

The death of a loved one causes the common state named grief. Since different people have different coping mechanism and life perception, every individual may show numerous kinds of reaction (Eshbaugh & Henninger, 2013). These kinds of reactions may vary from serious but temporary depression to chronic depression that leads to common death or suicide. In general, death of a close person causes significant issues in psychological, physical, and social aspects.

Every individual with a psychological trauma caused by the death of a loved one starts to show certain symptoms, which indicate the severity of his or her condition. Psychological symptoms imply mood swings, sadness, anger, anxiety, irritability, denial, concentration difficulties, etc. Accordingly, the symptoms mentioned earlier may also be presented on different levels of seriousness. While some individuals may have temporary and hidden behavioral manifestation, others show the reaction symptoms more vividly. In addition, some individuals may perform rather controversial reactions to the death of a loved one. Serious damage to the connection between the left and right parts of the brain can cause this. Therefore, logical and emotional sides can be reduced with their normal activity, which may result in significant and even irreversible mental damages.

The physical aspect of the issue should also be taken into consideration, because the abnormal emotional state reflects on the physical health condition of every individual. The most common physical symptoms are heart problems, high or low blood pressure, pains, muscle tension, constant fatigue, sleep disorders (nightmares or insomnia), etc. (Shear, 2012). Since both psychological and physical states are closely connected, the death of a loved one leads to negative physical changes in the body. Some symptoms may be performed only on the emotional level (for example, pain), and the lab results may not show any biological changes. Therefore, some physical symptoms may be only the result of self-induced hypnotism and cause minor physical damage. On the other hand, in such cases, individuals with the issues mentioned above need the help of professional doctors. Even if the physical damage is not significant at the beginning, without proper treatment it may worsen and result in serious disability, coma, or even death.

Death of a loved one also brings changes in terms of the social area. Such serious psychological trauma makes individuals aggressive or reserved towards other people. As stated above, different people may react differently to the same negative event. On the one hand, people with psychological trauma gain the tendency to engage in more violent and offensive behavior to bring other people on the same emotional level intentionally or unintentionally. On the other hand, psychological trauma may change the normal behavior of the person to unsocial, which leads to withdrawing from other people. Both states of mind, aggressive and reversed require help of a professional psychologist since without treatment it will lead to irreversible mental damages. In the cases, if a person shows social signs of his or her trauma, without professional help and support from family members and friends, the changes in behavior may become permanent.

In the cases of death of a loved one, people pass through five stages of acceptance: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This classification mostly refers to people who are dying themselves, but in many cases, individuals who had faced death of a loved one pass these stages as well. In general, denial is a rather normal reaction on a psychological trauma and is considered to be one of the defense mechanism manifestations. Denial reflects in refusal to accept reality or information with negative background. The anger stage of acceptance can be performed in different ways. Thus, individuals with psychological trauma can be angry with themselves, close people, or strangers. Therefore, this stage is very important to control because a person in the state of anger may commit violent actions, which result in serious physical damages. Individuals in this stage require support and treatment more than ever because it is a critical point in coping with the death of a loved one.

The third acceptance stage is bargaining, which is less mentally severe than the previous one. Bargaining involves some alternative scenarios created by the mind of the individual coping with death of a loved one. Also, this stage implies bargaining with God or other higher forces in different religions. Furthermore, the depression stage of coping with death of a loved one is the first indication of acceptance. On this stage, people began to accept the real facts and events but remain being in a constant depressed state. However, moving to this stage is a rather good sign, because it shows the progression in the mental condition of emotionally damaged person. The final stage is the acceptance itself, and it can be presented in different ways, for example, suicide or coping with the loss.

Therefore, when the first signs of abnormal behavior appear, the treatment should be started immediately. The treatment of physical damages can be drug-induced and imply various medical procedures (Furer, Walker, & Stein, 2007). Unfortunately, if psychological treatment fails, the treatment of physical symptoms and damages may not have a good result in the end or turn into recurrence. Professional treatment is the key element in solving the health problem caused by death of a loved one. Moreover, the main aspect of the treatment grounds on the psychological therapy that may take a period from a few weeks to more than a year.

Taking into account all those mentioned above, one can say that death of a loved one negatively affects every individual and is reflected in serious or irreversible damages in mental, physical and social aspects. Individuals coping with the loss tend to pass certain stages of acceptance and require professional help in order to return to the normal physical, mental, and social condition. Lastly, the individual differences in life perception determine treatment results and further psychological recovery.

Adherence to a structured format is paramount in crafting a narrative essay on such profound experiences. For guidance on implementing APA style to ensure your narrative is impactful and academically rigorous, consider consulting our dedicated resource, " Decode APA Style for Your Narrative Essays ." This reference will help you enhance your work's readability and scholarly credibility.

Argumentative

Book report, environment, evidence-based practice, informative, please notice.

Some text in the modal.

Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Friendship — How I Lost One Of My Best Friends – My Dog Sammy

The Loss of a Pet that Changed My Life

• Categories: Dog Friendship

About this sample

Words: 766 |

Published: Jan 28, 2021

Words: 766 | Pages: 2 | 4 min read

Works Cited

• Albom, M. (1997). The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Hyperion.
• Barchas, P. R., & Houston, D. M. (2001). Children's grief and pet loss: A guide for parents. Routledge.
• Black, A. (2002). When a pet dies. Penguin.
• Brown, J. (2009). Saying goodbye to the pet you love: A complete resource to help you heal. Hazelden Publishing.
• Coren, S. (2004). How dogs think: Understanding the canine mind. Free Press.
• Kowalski, G. J., & Rang, J. A. (2007). Goodbye, friend: Healing wisdom for anyone who has ever lost a pet. New World Library.
• Kunhardt, D., & Kunhardt, P. (2001). Remembering lives: Conversations with the dying and the bereaved. Anchor Books.
• Nelson, T. D. (2019). The psychology of death: An introduction. Routledge.
• Serpell, J. A. (2017). Domestic dog cognition and behavior: The scientific study of Canis familiaris. Springer.
• Wolfelt, A. D. (2003). The loss of a pet: A guide to coping with the grieving process when a pet dies. Companion Press.

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

• 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
• Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

Dr. Karlyna PhD

Verified writer

• Expert in: Life Sociology

+ 120 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Related Essays

2 pages / 840 words

1 pages / 534 words

1 pages / 667 words

1 pages / 559 words

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on Friendship

Friendship is an aspect of life, with countless books, movies, and songs dedicated to exploring its depths and complexities. It is a bond that brings joy, support, and understanding to our lives. But what exactly is friendship, [...]

In Aldous Huxley's dystopian novel "Brave New World," the society is carefully engineered to suppress individuality and promote stability. One of the ways this is achieved is through the use of the Solidarity Service, a [...]

The bond between Ponyboy Curtis and Johnny Cade in the novel The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton is one of the central themes of the story. This essay aims to explore the friendship between Ponyboy and Johnny, examining its development [...]

Friendship is a treasured and essential part of human life, enriching our experiences, providing support in times of need, and creating lasting memories. To be a good friend is to cultivate meaningful relationships based on [...]

In a world where technology is increasingly woven into the fabric of our daily lives, questions have arisen about its impact on our interpersonal relationships. The rise of social media, texting, and video calls has [...]

Fake friends experience is a topic of my essay. This issue comes up throughout your entire life. I feel like I started to have my first encounters with these so-called snakes as early as grade school. To give you a little taste [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

Get Your Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

• Instructions Followed To The Letter
• Deadlines Met At Every Stage
• Unique And Plagiarism Free

• Funerals & Memorial Services

How to Write a Eulogy for a Friend Who Died Suddenly

Updated 04/23/2024

Published 10/30/2019

Sam Tetrault, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

You may find it challenging to complete even the simplest task following the death of a good friend. Grief can turn the mind to mush, and unexpected grief can often be paralyzing. So if you were asked to write a eulogy for a friend, we're here to help you craft the speech that honors their life.

Whether you were asked to write the eulogy or you volunteered, the writing process may help you more than you would have ever imagined. By writing a eulogy for a friend, you will have a chance to reflect on a life well-lived and honor the memory of your loved one.

This guide will help you write a eulogy for a friend. If you need help with some of the other tasks associated with death, as well as with grief and complicated family dynamics, our post-loss checklist can help.

Jump ahead to these sections: 

• How to Write a Eulogy for a Friend

Short Eulogy Examples for a Friend Who Died Suddenly

How to write your eulogy for a friend.

You can think of a eulogy as a way to say goodbye to a loved one. In the case of a friend who died suddenly, this is a way to express your final thoughts and bring closure to yourself and your loved ones. Usually, funerals and memorial services include the eulogy, but you can also write one privately. 

Finding the right words to say might feel intimidating, especially right after the passing of a loved one. Here are some tips for writing a eulogy for a friend who died suddenly. 

» MORE: Cake members focus on family, not confusing logistics. Sign up now.

1. Understand the purpose of eulogies

First, it’s helpful to understand the real purpose of eulogies. Yes, your eulogy is about the deceased, but it’s for the audience. Eulogies are a way to bring peace to loved ones and family members. They evoke that person’s positive qualities and experiences, usually during the memorial service. 

While eulogies can be emotional, they don’t have to be mournful. Think about what your audience would like to hear about this person. In the case of sudden death, most people want to hear something uplifting. They want to hear good things about the person. It would be best to be honest but selective about what you include. 

2. Share a memory

A lot of times, it’s challenging to know how to sum up a person in a single eulogy. People are well-rounded and complex. They aren’t merely a list of characteristics on a page. 

One simple way to present a complete picture of your friend is to use the eulogy as an opportunity to share a memory. You might tell a funny story or one where they helped you out of a tricky situation. Often, it’s these real-life experiences that highlight who we are. A humorous, light moment is also a welcome reprieve for mournful guests. 

3. Use a prompt

When you’re overcome with grief, it might feel impossible to put pen to paper. In this case, it’s worth using a eulogy prompt to get the words flowing. Here are some to get you started:

• Who will be in the audience?
• How would your friend like to be remembered?
• What made your friend special?
• Who was closest to your friend?
• What are your friend’s most significant accomplishments?
• When was your friend happiest?

While these are only jumping-off points, the prompts above will help you put your eulogy into perspective. This is an opportunity to say something meaningful about your friend. If you need more help, read our guide on how to start a eulogy .

4. Include quotes

It’s not always possible to find the right words to say. It’s okay if you need a bit of help. Using quotes adds another layer of depth to your work. Over the years, creative minds, including authors, musicians, leaders, and poets, have inspired the world with their words. Research funeral quotes for a eulogy for some inspiration. 

Aside from quotes specifically for funerals, you might also choose quotes that meant something to your friend. For example, including excerpts from their favorite book, movie, or song is a touching way to honor their interests. 

5. Incorporate a poem

Consider looking for a poem to help you share ideas that you find challenging to put into words. You can use a classic funeral poem that your audience may be familiar with or another verse that beautifully captures the characteristics of your deceased friend.

If you don’t know any poems or can’t find any that speak to you, consider using song lyrics. Reading a verse of your friend’s favorite song could provide a particularly poignant moment during the service.   

6. Find your own support

Last but not least, don’t forget to find your own support. Writing a eulogy is hard. Writing a eulogy for the sudden death of a friend is even more challenging. 

Make sure you have support for yourself during this difficult time. Whether that means enlisting the help of other friends, having someone else read your eulogy, or talking with someone you love, don’t forget to take care of yourself. 

While writing a eulogy, you’ll undoubtedly be forced to confront many lingering feelings around your friend’s life and death. You don’t have to face them alone. 

Do you have writer’s block? Here’s some additional guidance on how to write an obituary . 

Another way to overcome writer’s block when writing a friend’s obituary is to read examples. 

Let’s look at some examples of short eulogies written for a friend who died suddenly. You can also find real-life examples by reading online memorials or searching social media. Don’t be afraid to ask for help with writing your friend’s eulogy. 

Here are some short examples of eulogies for a friend who died suddenly: 

Though I am still reeling from the sudden death of my dear friend, Barb, I am humbled and touched by her time here with us. For those of you who don’t know me, I am Barb’s childhood friend, Susan. We’ve been friends since the first day of middle school. I’ll never forget how she sat across from me at lunch. I was so worried I’d be sitting alone, but she was quick to welcome me into her friend group. As we all know, Barb was a kind and caring friend. She never turned down the chance to meet new people, travel somewhere new, or be there when we needed her. Her positivity was an inspiration for everyone she met. She was a friend to many, and we will all miss her every day. Thank you for everything, Barb. 

Thank you to everyone who is here with me today to celebrate Kevin’s life. I’ve only known Kevin for the past five years, but I can already see how he’s significantly impacted everyone during his time as a teacher at our school. As his coworker and friend, I was lucky to see his work with students every day. So many students looked up to him and saw him as a father figure. He was patient, intelligent, and the funniest guy I knew. Kevin spoke highly of his own role models – his dad, John, and his uncle, Bill. If they’re anything like him — and I know they are — then it’s no wonder he grew into one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. Kevin taught me the importance of always looking for the best in people, and I’ll always remember that. 

Nancy and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember. She was there through school, college, and all of the years after. It didn’t matter how long we’d been apart; we would always pick up right where we left off anytime we were together. Nancy was the kind of friend that had my back no matter what. I remember getting stranded when my car broke down one night after work while in college together. Nancy picked up the phone immediately and was the first one there. That was the kind of compassionate person she was. Even though Nancy’s death was sudden, her impact cannot be contained in her short lifetime. Her memory will live on with me, her family, and her daughter. I know she’d be smiling if she was here with us today. I am so grateful to have known her.  

Writing a Eulogy for a Friend FAQs

Here are the answers to common questions about writing a eulogy. Please keep in mind that every situation is unique. If you would like specific advice, consider participating in the Cake Forum . 

How long should a eulogy for a friend be?

A eulogy for a friend should be between five to 10 minutes long. However, if you are the only speaker at the event, you might feel inclined to speak longer.

Please understand that a eulogy differs from “sharing your thoughts” at a funeral service. If the officiant asks the audience to say a few words during the service, limit your response to one to two minutes.

How should you start a eulogy for a friend?

The best way to start a eulogy for a friend is by introducing yourself and telling those in the audience how you knew the deceased. 

Then, you may want to address the family members and offer condolences – or thank them for allowing you to share your memories of your friend.

Should you give a eulogy at a friend’s funeral?

If asked by the family, you should give a eulogy at a friend’s funeral. Speaking at a person’s funeral is a very loving act. 

Please realize that you aren’t the only person uncomfortable with public speaking. Try not to use your discomfort as an excuse not to share your thoughts about your friend who has passed.

What are some other ways to honor a friend who has passed away?

One of the best ways to honor a friend who has passed away is to keep their memory alive. Tell stories, share photos, and make a record of your favorite moments with the deceased.

Also, consider participating in activities your friend enjoyed to honor their memory. Some people donate to a favorite charity of the deceased or spend time volunteering for a favorite non-profit.

You can also keep a cherished possession or small token nearby to remind you of your deceased friend. Even something as common as a keychain can become a treasured item if it reminds you of good times in the past. 

Find Peace and Say Farewell With Your Eulogy

Eulogies offer us another glimpse of our loved ones. They’re a way to bring their presence into the funeral or memorial service through our words and memories. Writing a eulogy for a friend who died suddenly is a chance to say your final farewell. 

Even if you keep the eulogy private, this is an opportunity to reflect on your time together. Your loved one’s life was worthwhile; you can honor your friendship through words. For more help with the passing of a friend, please read our guide on how to offer condolences .

Categories:

• Condolences & What To Say

You may also like

How to Prepare a Eulogy for a Best Friend: 4 Examples

How to Write a Eulogy for a Friend: 9+ Examples

How to Start a Eulogy: 55+ Examples

How to Write a Eulogy for a Mother with Cancer + Examples