essay about life being unfair

Essay on Life Unfairness

Students are often asked to write an essay on Life Unfairness in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Life Unfairness

Introduction.

Life is a journey, filled with ups and downs. We often hear the phrase “life is unfair,” but what does it truly mean? Simply put, it means that life doesn’t always treat everyone the same way. Some people face more challenges than others, which can seem unfair.

Understanding Unfairness

Unfairness in life can be seen in many forms. Some people are born with more privileges than others. These can include wealth, health, or opportunities. Some people have to work harder to get the same things that others get easily, which is unfair.

Effects of Unfairness

Life unfairness can lead to feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration. It can make people feel like they are not good enough or that they don’t deserve good things. This can harm a person’s self-esteem and make it hard for them to be happy.

Overcoming Unfairness

Even though life can be unfair, it’s important to remember that everyone has the power to overcome challenges. By working hard, staying positive, and never giving up, we can make the most of the hand we are dealt. Life is what we make of it, after all.

In conclusion, life unfairness is a reality that we all have to deal with. It can be tough, but it’s also a chance for us to grow stronger. Remember, it’s not about what life gives you, but what you do with what you’re given.

250 Words Essay on Life Unfairness

Understanding life unfairness.

Life can sometimes seem unfair. This means that things do not always happen the way we want or expect. Some people may have more luck, money, or opportunities than others. This is what we call ‘life unfairness’.

Examples of Life Unfairness

One example of life unfairness is the difference between rich and poor people. Some people are born in rich families while others are born in poor families. This is not because of anything they did, but just by chance. This can affect the opportunities they get in life, like the kind of school they go to or the jobs they can get.

Dealing with Life Unfairness

Even though life can be unfair, it is important to remember that we can still do our best with what we have. We can work hard, be kind to others, and keep a positive attitude. We might not be able to change everything, but we can control how we respond to it.

Learning from Life Unfairness

Life unfairness can also be a chance to learn and grow. It can teach us to be understanding and compassionate. When we see others who are less fortunate, we can help them if we can. This can make us better people and make the world a better place.

In conclusion, life unfairness is a part of life that we all have to deal with. It can be hard, but it can also be a chance to learn and grow. We should remember to do our best with what we have and to help others when we can.

500 Words Essay on Life Unfairness

Introduction to life unfairness.

Life is a journey filled with many ups and downs. At times, it may seem like life is unfair. When we say “life is unfair”, we mean that things do not always go as planned or as we wish. Sometimes, we face problems that seem too big to handle. Other times, we see people who seem to have it all while we struggle. This is what we call ‘Life Unfairness’.

There are many examples of unfairness in life. Some people are born into rich families while others are born poor. Some people are healthy while others have to deal with sickness from a young age. Some are born with talents that others can only dream of. These are all examples of life’s unfairness. It’s not about who worked harder or who deserves more, it’s just the way things are.

Handling Life Unfairness

Even though life can be unfair, it doesn’t mean we should give up. Yes, life can be tough and it can seem like the odds are against us. But it’s important to remember that we all have the power to change our circumstances. We can work hard, be kind, and strive to make the best of what we have. We can’t control what life throws at us, but we can control how we react to it.

Learning from Unfairness

Life’s unfairness can teach us many things. It can make us stronger, more understanding, and more compassionate. Seeing unfairness can motivate us to help others and to fight for justice. It can also teach us to appreciate what we have and not to take things for granted.

In conclusion, life can indeed be unfair. But remember, it’s not about what happens to us, but how we react to it. We can let life’s unfairness bring us down, or we can use it as a tool to grow and become better people. Life’s unfairness is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to define us. We can choose to rise above it and make the best of what we have. Remember, every cloud has a silver lining, and even in the most unfair situations, there is always something good to be found.

In the end, life’s unfairness is a part of the journey. It’s a part of what makes us who we are. So, while life may be unfair, it’s also full of opportunities for growth and learning. And that’s something to be thankful for.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on Life Struggles
• Essay on Life Plan
• Essay on Life Origin Theories

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Happy studying!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

12 Reasons Why is life so Unfair: Exploring Life’s Injustices

It may seem that some people have to face more difficulties, sufferings, or injustices than others and that they have no control over their circumstances. There are many possible reasons for this, but some of them are: Life is unpredictable and complex, and we cannot foresee or prevent everything that happens to us or around us. Sometimes, random events or factors can have a positive or negative impact on our lives..

Sanju Pradeepa

You’re scrolling through news feeds and see another story of a person who had their life taken away too early. You think to yourself, “What kind of world is this?” It’s a question that many of us have asked at some point in our lives. We live in an unjust world, and it can be hard to process why things are the way they are. But instead of feeling helpless and stuck in this unfairness, you can take control of your own path despite the odds.

It’s no secret that life can feel pretty unfair sometimes. Whether it’s due to a bad break, a missing piece of luck, or simply not getting what you deserve, dealing with life’s injustices can weigh heavily on your heart and mind.

Focusing on the unfairness of it all will do nothing but keep us stuck in a cycle of frustration and bitterness. So, instead of wallowing in the unfairness of life, we should take the time to understand why life is so unfair in the first place.

Let’s take a deep dive into how life works and how you can strive to make a difference by taking charge of your own destiny, even when the deck may sometimes appear stacked against you.

We’ll explore why life is so unfair, bust myths about what’s standing in your way, and ultimately uncover how to create a more just future for generations to come.

Table of Contents

What is ‘unfairness’.

Have you ever felt like life is unfair? It’s a feeling that can happen when things don’t go our way and the world seems to take advantage of us. That’s because life can be unpredictable, chaotic, and sometimes seemingly unjust.

But what exactly is “unfairness,” and why does it happen so often? When we experience an obstacle that we were not expecting or when the outcome of a situation does not match the effort put into it, we are experiencing unfairness.

For example, when you put in a month’s worth of hard work on an assignment only to get a grade of C instead of an A, this may feel unfair.

In reality, there is no universal definition for “unfairness.” Everyone’s perception of justice will be different and shaped by individual experiences.

However, recognizing when something feels unfair can be a useful tool for identifying and understanding our values , including what matters to us, what we think is important in life, and how best to combat the injustice that occurs.

The Nature of The Unfairness of Life

You’ve probably asked yourself at some point: Why is life so unfair? It’s a fair question, one that has been explored by philosophers since the beginning of time. There are many theories as to why life can sometimes feel like an uphill battle, from the idea that it’s all part of a karmic cycle to the notion that life’s hurdles are there to grow us as individuals.

At its core, life’s unfairness can be attributed to two things: chance and our choices. Chance or luck plays a key role in what happens in our lives; it may be as simple as winning a lottery or as complex as our parents’ decision to move away from a war-torn country.

Our choices, on the other hand, determine how we respond to circumstances that come our way. We may choose to give up or carry on, complain about what we don’t have, or find ways to work with the resources we do have.

Understanding these competing forces allows us to accept and embrace life’s challenges with grace and dignity, while also keeping sight of our power in creating positive change.

Perhaps more than anything else, life’s unfairness can lead us to a sense of deep resignation, a feeling that all of our strivings are for naught. We can go our entire lives asking why it has to be this way and never find an answer.

But instead of succumbing to this feeling of helplessness, try to look at life’s unfairness through the lens of humanity. Rather than asking how I cope, consider the strengths, skills, and experiences I’ve gained as a result of my difficult journey. Then apply them to guide and direct your efforts to address inequities in your own community or environment.

No matter what happens, it’s essential to keep believing in a better tomorrow. Accepting that life is unfair does not have to mean accepting defeat; instead, it can serve as motivation for being an advocate for fairness in your own life and community.

Find strength in yourself and your convictions so that you are not resigned but instead inspired to make the world a better place.

Not all Storms Come to Disrupt Your Life But Also to Shape

Common misconceptions about life’s fairness.

Maybe you’ve heard people say that life isn’t fair and it’s often the most difficult circumstances that can serve as a harsh reminder of that phrase. Here are a few common misconceptions about life’s fairness:

1. Life is supposed to be easy.

It isn’t always supposed to be easy. In fact, we learn lessons and gain strength through struggle. Life is meant to challenge us, stretch us, and make us grow. This doesn’t mean it’s always easy or that things won’t seem unfair at times, but if we persevere through the storms with resilience, we will grow stronger and more capable of tackling even bigger challenges in the future.

2. It matters who you know .

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you know or who your parents are. It’s all about how hard you work. You don’t need to be related to someone influential or depended on luck; it comes down to putting in the hours and not giving up when things get tough.

3. Only Money buys happiness .

This couldn’t be further from the truth: money can never buy true joy or unconditional love in your life. We should appreciate what we have instead of striving for something more materialistic. True happiness comes from within and experiencing new things, not from having more stuff around us.

Reasons Why Money Can’t Buy Happiness: 12 possible Reasons

Reasons why is life so unfair.

Life can be unfair due to chance and our choices. Chance or luck plays a key role in what happens in our lives, while our choices can also lead to unfairness. For example, we may choose to associate with people who are not good for us, or we may make poor decisions that lead to negative consequences. It’s important to recognize that life is not always fair and to focus on what we can control .

We all feel like life is unfair sometimes. We all deserve a fair break in this world, but the truth is, it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes it seems unfair because you happen to have been born with fewer advantages than someone else, and it seems unfair that people judge your success as your own doing and their failure as a result of their own shortcomings.

But what’s important to remember is that these feelings of unfairness don’t need to strongly affect your life or make you feel worse. It’s easy to let them consume us, but we must be able to take a step back from how we think and be objective about the situation so that we don’t allow our emotions to take control of what we do.

1. Life Is Unpredictable and Uncontrollable

At times, it can feel like life is entirely out of your control. We do our best to plan, prepare, and make decisions but sometimes, it seems like the universe has something else planned for us. Life is unpredictable and uncontrollable, and that feeling of powerlessness can often lead to feelings of unfairness.

Put simply: you never know what challenges or obstacles life is going to throw your way. A lot of the time, these will be beyond your control which makes it hard to find solutions that will make life fairer in the future.

You may find yourself imagining different circumstances that would have allowed you to have a more successful outcome, but you’ll never be able to predict exactly what challenges will arise in your future. The unpredictable nature of life often makes things feel unfair, as if success isn’t down to our own hard work and perseverance.

Why is life so Short: The Fleeting Nature of Existence

2. unequal life opportunities.

Life can seem especially unfair when you consider the unequal opportunities available between social classes and those in different locations. No matter how hard you work, if you don’t have the same opportunities as others, chances are that you won’t be successful.

The way you’ve been educated plays a major role in what kind of future awaits you. For example, if you come from a poorer background and don’t get the same quality of education as those from higher socioeconomic classes, your career options are automatically limited. You might not even get access to certain job openings or competitive courses due to your lack of access to proper education.

Geographic Location

Though the internet has made our world smaller, where you physically live in it still matters. Living in certain areas can determine what kind of job opportunities are available to you, or how much money you can make doing certain jobs.

Depending on where you live, there might be a lower supply and higher demand for certain jobs meaning less competition for people looking for work but that may also mean lower wages than elsewhere.

Though life can seem unfair at times, it’s important to remember that everyone has different life experiences, privileges, and obstacles they have overcome along the way, and these factors all play into what we have achieved in our lives so far. There is no right or wrong way to reach success, just hard work and perseverance.

Why is Life so Hard for Some and not Others: 10 Injustices

3. our own mindsets can manifest injustice.

It’s all too easy to spend our days feeling helpless and angry in the face of injustice. But while external forces can often be out of our control, one thing we can control is our own mindset and attitude . The way you view the world can affect how you experience it, and that means that your own mindset can be a tool for justice or for destructive behavior.

This is because our mindsets shape the stories that we tell ourselves about why certain situations are the way that they are, whether through a lens of injustice or justice.

You have the power to start shaping these stories to fit a more just perspective within your own mind by investing time in self-reflection and learning how to become aware of your own negative biases , understand the history of various forms of oppression, and explore your privilege when engaging with others. In doing this, you can create space to build solidarity with those who experience injustice instead of perpetuating it.

4. We Have Limited Control Over Our Destiny

At the end of the day, much of what happens to us in life is out of our control. You may have had ambitions and dreams for yourself and your future, but there are always external factors that can have a significant impact on how things turn out.

For instance, perhaps you applied for your dream job, hoping for success. But unbeknownst to you, the company was only offering the role internally, and so you didn’t even stand a chance from the start.

Or maybe you wanted to major in engineering at college but ended up having to take out student loans and couldn’t afford them. In both cases, it’s far from fair or reasonable that you couldn’t fulfill your plans, but these things simply can’t be helped in some cases.

It is important to remember that life isn’t necessarily designed to be “fair” or easy all the time, no matter how much we wish it were. Just because we are faced with obstacles doesn’t mean hope is lost. Understanding why life isn’t fair can help us find our way forward when faced with hardships.

Why is Life so Sad: 8 Reasons behind Your Life’s Sadness

5. we are victims of our own circumstances.

Sometimes, life feels unfair because we are victims of our circumstances. When the cards are dealt, it may seem like some people have been dealt better hands than others. It’s true some people may be born into wealth and privilege, while others may come from poverty and inequality. But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck in your circumstances forever.

You can make the best of what you have, no matter where you come from or what resources you have to draw upon. Here is a list of ways in which you can create a brighter future for yourself regardless of your current situation:

• Develop strong relationships with those around you.
• Take the initiative to improve your skillset.
• Make use of any resources available to you
• Embrace challenges as learning opportunities.
• Set short-term and long-term goals.
• Find mentors who can guide and advise you.
• Surround yourself with positive, like-minded people.
• Take time to think, plan and reflect on your progress.
• Persevere through adversity, and never give up hope.

Why is Life So Cruel: 8 Brutal Truths About Life’s Cruelty

6. society’s definition of success can be unfair.

It can feel like life is unfair when trying to determine what is considered ‘successful’ in society. We’re all so different and each of us is unique in our own way yet the same old rules seem to apply no matter what.

When it comes to measuring success, society tends to focus on traditional markers like education, financial status, job titles, and material possessions. And while these are important, they don’t always reflect the achievements you’re proudest of or the true value of your unique set of skills.

That’s not fair. Your definition of success should be personal; it’s how you define accomplishment on your own terms. Don’t let someone else decide what success looks like for you because everybody’s path looks different, and everyone takes a different route before reaching the version of success that works for them.

It can be hard to stick up for yourself sometimes and believe in yourself. But remind yourself that the world has no idea what you’re capable of until you show them. Ultimately, it’s up to you to craft your goals and work toward a purpose that makes sense for you, not anyone else.

7. Unfair Expectations Based on Gender and Race

Have you ever felt like you’re being judged or even held to different standards, simply because of your gender or race? It’s no secret that society still hasn’t completely transcended traditional ideas about gender and race, and sometimes this leads to unfair expectations from friends, family, school, the workplace, and more.

Here are some examples of how these expectations can be unfair:

Family Pressure

When it comes to family, it’s common for certain expectations to be placed on particular genders or racial identities. For example, a single mother might put a lot more pressure on her son to succeed than her daughter, in order to “make up” for the absence of a male role model in the home.

Appearance Standards

There is also a lot of pressure placed on people to subscribe and conform to societal beauty standards from hair length, skin tone and clothing choice which can be based on gender or race. This is especially true in the media and fashion industries.

Implications in Employment Opportunities

Race-based discrimination can still exist within hiring practices at workplaces from job interviews right through to promotions where certain stereotypes about specific ethnic minorities may cause them to be overlooked for roles that they are qualified for but that someone else may be deemed more suitable for.

It’s not easy living with fair expectations that feel unfair but being aware of the problem is an important first step towards creating change.

I used to struggle with my mind for a long time, wondering why this happened to me even though I did my best. After a long period of sitting in a corner, thinking about the unfairness of life and why I deserved it when I hadn’t done anything wrong, here are some ways I’ve learned to cope with the majority of my unfair situations:

8. Life isn’t supposed to be fair or equal for everyone.

Life isn’t supposed to be fair or equal for everyone. Some people are born into wealth and privilege, while others face immense hardships from day one. As much as we wish it weren’t so, the truth is that life’s injustices are unavoidable.

We all have moments when the unfairness of it all hits us hard. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do jerks seem to have all the luck? It can feel profoundly unjust.

The hard truth is that there’s no grand plan ensuring that good deeds are rewarded or that hard work always pays off. Life is simply neither fair nor unfair. While we can work to remedy injustice and inequality on a societal scale, on an individual level, the only thing we can control is our reaction. When life’s inequities threaten to get you down:

• Practice self-care. Make sure to connect with loved ones who support you.
• Focus on gratitude. Appreciate the good things you do have, rather than resenting what you lack.
• Do small acts of kindness. Helping others gets your mind off your worries and boosts your well-being.

Accept what you can’t change. As hard as it is, make peace with the fact that life isn’t meant to be fair. The only thing you can control is your response.

Though the world may not always be just, we can find meaning even in suffering. We can choose compassion over bitterness and kindness over resentment. Life may not be fair, but we can still make the world a little bit better. That is within our power.

Life Can Change in an Instant: Even In the Blink of an Eye

9. the role of luck and randomness in outcomes.

We all know life isn’t fair. As much as we’d like to believe that hard work and perseverance always pay off, the truth is that luck and randomness play a huge role in how things turn out.

Take getting into college, for example. No matter how good your grades are or how high you score on the SAT, there’s an element of chance regarding who gets accepted and who gets rejected. Admissions officers have to make judgment calls, and they don’t always get it right. Sometimes less deserving students get in while more deserving ones don’t. It’s not fair, but it’s life.

The same is true in careers and business. Two equally smart, hardworking entrepreneurs could start companies at the same time but end up with vastly different outcomes based primarily on luck. One might happen to launch a product that taps into the cultural zeitgeist and spreads like wildfire, while the other’s offering fails to gain traction through no fault of their own.

Romantic relationships are also subject to a fair amount of randomness. Meeting the right person often comes down to fortunate timing and stumbling into a serendipitous encounter. While there are things we can do to increase the probability of finding a good match, ultimately finding “the one” requires a bit of luck.

The truth is, life’s not fair because randomness and luck are built into the system. The universe is chaotic, complex, and unpredictable. While there are always things we can do to tilt the odds in our favor, at the end of the day, the amount of control we have over outcomes is limited. The sooner we accept this, the less disappointed we’ll be when life feels unfair. The good news is that, while randomness may work against us at times, it can also work in our favor. So, here’s to hoping Lady Luck is on your side!

Is Success Luck or Hard Work: Unpacking the Success Equation

10. cognitive biases lead us to see injustice where it may not exist..

We all have a tendency to perceive injustice and unfairness in the world around us, even when they do not exist. Our cognitive biases—the mental shortcuts our brains take to make quick judgments—often lead us to see unfairness where there is none.

Confirmation bias

We seek out and believe information that confirms what we already think and ignore information that contradicts our preexisting beliefs. So if we expect the world to be unfair, we’ll notice and focus on examples that prove that belief while dismissing instances that suggest otherwise.

Illusory correlation

We tend to perceive a relationship between two events when there is none. For example, we may think people of a certain ethnicity get promoted more often because of their character flaws, when in reality there is no connection. Our mind is creating an illusory correlation.

Fundamental attribution error

We blame individuals for their circumstances rather than considering external factors. When we see someone in an unfortunate situation, we assume it’s due to their own poor choices or character flaws. We fail to account for factors outside of their control, like their environment, upbringing, education, and opportunities (or lack thereof). This bias leads us to believe that life’s injustices are deserved or self-inflicted, rather than a result of an unfair system or random chance.

We judge people for things outside of their control, like natural talents, family wealth, health issues, or other life circumstances. But no one chooses the conditions into which they are born or the random events that shape their lives. Recognizing this “moral luck” can help us develop more empathy and see that perceived injustices are often due to arbitrary factors, not life.

The truth is, life isn’t always fair. But by being aware of our cognitive biases, we can gain a more balanced perspective and work to build a society with greater justice and equality of opportunity. Recognizing moral luck and arbitrary chance can help foster more empathy, compassion, and kindness toward others.

Cognitive Bias: 9 Invisible Forces That Shape Our Decisions

11. early childhood experiences shape our sense of fairness..

Our sense of fairness is shaped from an early age. As children, we observe the world around us and internalize beliefs about justice and equality based on how we see others treated. Unfortunately, the lessons we learn aren’t always good ones.

Many of us grew up in environments where we witnessed inequality, prejudice, and mistreatment. We saw people denied opportunities or judged harshly due to their gender, race, orientation, religion, or social class. These early experiences taught us that the world isn’t fair and planted the seeds of cynicism.

The messages we received

As kids, well-meaning adults often tell us “life isn’t fair” to prepare us for disappointment. But hearing this repeatedly can lead us to accept unfairness and even spread it to others. We may adopt beliefs like:

• People get what they deserve.
• Might makes right. It’s a dog-eat-dog world.

These toxic messages stay with us and skew our views. Even small injustices in childhood, like perceived favoritism shown to another child, can have a lasting impact.

The scars remain.

The unfairness we observe as children leaves scars on our sense of justice that are hard to heal. As adults, we see the world through this lens of cynicism and expect the worst. When we encounter new injustices, no matter how small, old wounds are ripped open. Our reaction is disproportionate to the current situation because it taps into a well of accumulated pain.

The only way to improve our sense of fairness is through conscious effort. We must challenge old beliefs, increase our empathy, and commit to building a more just world for others. It’s a long process, but by healing ourselves, we can help make society a little fairer too.

12. Some groups face systemic injustices and discrimination.

Some groups in society face systemic discrimination and injustice. Minority groups, marginalized communities, and vulnerable populations often struggle against unfair treatment, a lack of opportunity, and unequal access to resources.

As a society, we have come a long way toward promoting equality and justice for all. But we still have a long way to go to remedy the harms of discrimination and make sure everyone has a fair chance in life, regardless of their race, gender, internal orientation, disability status, or other attributes.

Racial minorities

Racial discrimination and racial injustice are still major problems. Minority groups face higher rates of poverty, unemployment, police violence, and incarceration. They have less access to healthcare, education, and economic opportunity. Systemic racism built into our institutions and policies continues to negatively impact people of color.

Women face discrimination and unequal treatment in the workplace, like unequal pay and a lack of career advancement opportunities compared to men. They experience high rates of domestic violence. In some cultures, women have little access to education, healthcare, and control over family planning. Legal rights and protections for women are still lacking in many parts of the world.

LGBTQ+ community

The LGBTQ+ community faces discrimination, stigma, and a lack of legal rights in many places. They experience high rates of harassment, violence, homelessness, and mental health issues. Same-gender marriage and adoption rights are still not recognized universally. Many face rejection from friends and family due to their internal orientation or gender identity.

People with disabilities

Those with physical, intellectual, and mental disabilities often face discrimination, lack of accommodation, and unequal access to public spaces, transportation, healthcare, education, and employment. Many live in poverty due to a lack of opportunity and difficulty finding gainful work. Legal protections against discrimination are not strongly enforced.

We all must work to remedy injustice, promote equal treatment under the law, and create a fair and just society for people from all walks of life. No one should face unfair barriers due to attributes outside of their control. Together, we can build a more equitable and inclusive world for all.

How do you cope with the unfairness of life?

It doesn’t seem fair that some people get to experience privilege and affluence and others don’t, does it? You may feel powerless to make a change in the world, but your life is still within your control. Here’s how you can start taking ownership of your own path:

1. Recognize and Accept Unfairness

No one likes to think about it, but unfairness is an unavoidable truth in life. No matter how hard you try or how much you think you deserve something, unfair things happen. Recognizing and accepting this can be difficult, but it’s key to gaining the strength to keep going when times are tough.

So, how do you recognize and accept the unfairness of life? Start by understanding that life is not fair for everyone not for you , and not for anybody else either. Treating yourself with compassion during hard times will help to remind you that everyone experiences their share of misfortune from time to time.

Often, unfairness can be seen as a test of emotional resilience ; it’s a reminder to stay strong and not give up in the face of struggle or disappointment. It also helps to look at how far you’ve come : learn from your past experiences so that they don’t become roadblocks as you move forward in your journey.

By acknowledging the nature of life’s inherent unfairness and recognizing its purpose, you can find inner strength when faced with an unjust reality.

2. Learn to Cultivate Gratitude and Perspective.

It may seem like life is simply unfair to you right now, but the feeling of helplessness is only natural. The best thing to do is to stop worrying so much and focus your energy on cultivating gratitude and perspective in your life.

When things don’t go your way, take a moment to look around and appreciate the good things in your life. Making a list of all the people, places, and moments that have brought you joy can be a powerful tool for reflection and refocusing on what makes life worth living.

It’s also a great reminder that even when times feel hard, they could always be worse. So, take advantage of these moments to practice gratitude and kindness.

Perspective

Life has its ups and downs, but if you take the time to look back over the course of your life, is it really that different than it was before? As you evaluate difficult situations, remember that it’s not just about what happened today, yesterday, or last week. It’s also about how you got here.

How did this decision lead up to this moment? You can learn so much by trying to understand how events unfolded in order to help make better decisions down the line.

Learning how to cultivate gratitude and perspective are two invaluable tools for dealing with unfair times in life. Not only will they help you move past unfortunate events more easily, but they will also serve as reminders of the more beautiful aspects of life as well as give you an opportunity for growth through reflection and insight.

3. Become more aware of your thoughts and feelings

There are many ways to cope with the unfairness of life. The first step is awareness, so you can start making changes in your life. When we’re stressed, it can be difficult for us to see that we’re feeling upset or angry about something. We need to know how we feel so that we can acknowledge what’s troubling us and take steps toward changing it, if necessary.

Life is what you make of it. The world, as we know it, is a reflection of our thoughts and feelings, our desires and fears . To this day, the majority of people believe that life has been unfair to them and that they were born into unjust circumstances.

I would like to challenge this assumption by explaining how you can change your response to what happens in your life, instead of waiting for life to give back all its natural blessings without asking for anything in return.

If you want something bad enough, then nothing will stop you from getting it, even if there are obstacles standing in your way.

We are all born with different abilities and talents, some with a silver spoon in their mouths and others with a golden one. Some people have to work hard for what they want, while others do not.

Some may have been lucky enough to be born into wealthy families who can afford to give them everything they need, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t have struggles of your own if you don’t get what everyone else gets on your birth certificate.

It’s easy to think that life isn’t fair because we’ve all experienced hardships or problems at some point in our lives, but remember: This doesn’t mean there isn’t hope for change.

You Can’t Change What Happens to You

When your best friend moves away, gets fired, or breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and leaves town for good when these things happen, they’re just the way they are.

You can’t do anything about them other than respond appropriately in response to them and then go on with life as if nothing happened. They are part of who we are as humans; our lives are made up of who we have been and what has happened to us throughout our lives (both positive and negative).

You won’t change this fact about yourself by changing your circumstances; there isn’t any magic wand that will allow you access to another dimension where everything goes according to plan for everyone who lives there.

You Can Change Your Response

We all have a choice when we’re faced with situations like this. We can choose to be happy or sad.

If you feel sad, think about what you can change about your response:

• Change your perspective . Think about how the situation makes sense from an outside perspective, rather than from the perspective of someone who has been through it before and knows what’s coming next (e.g., “This is just one more thing out of our hands.”)
• Focus on what matters most in life instead of focusing on things that don’t matter at all (like dwelling in the past).

Don’t Dream Your Life Live Your Dreams: Make Them a Reality

4. learn to focus on what makes you happy, instead of what doesn’t..

“Focus on what makes you happy, and do what gives meaning to your life”   Barry Schwartz,  The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less

It’s easy to focus on the negative and dwell on everything that’s going wrong. But if you’re trying to find happiness, it’s important to look at the positive things in life as well.

When I was younger, I was always too preoccupied with what I didn’t have instead of focusing on all the things that I could control, which usually led me right back down into a pit of depression.

But now that I’ve learned how valuable it is for me (and others) to take time out each day just thinking about those things that make us smile or laugh out loud.

5. Be kind and be grateful for what you have

The world is full of people who have it worse than you do, so it’s easy to take things for granted and feel like your life is unfair. But if you’re always thankful for all the good things in your life, then this will help remind you that there are some people out there who have even less than what they deserve.

If you can’t do this, then try to see the positive side of things, or at least try not to focus on all the bad things that happen in life and only think about how lucky we are if we get through them alive, or just be able to wake up tomorrow morning without being paralyzed by fear from what could happen next time around.

Take time out for yourself : If there isn’t anything else going on during the day (and this includes family members),

*Try taking a break from work or school by spending an hour doing something relaxing, such as reading a book or listening to music .

* Talk about it: Talking about how you feel with someone who cares about you will help relieve some stressors in your life.

*Engage in a hobby or practice mindfulness.

* Get enough sleep at night before going to work each morning so that when daylight comes around again after midnight then there won’t be any need whatsoever.”

* Be kinder towards yourself by recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, rather than focusing on all the things that could go wrong if something bad happened (like losing an important job). It may sound silly, but sometimes asking someone else how they would handle an issue can help us get over ourselves enough so we can move forward with confidence instead of being stuck in fear mode all day long.

6. Find the Strength to Move Forward

It’s okay to feel sad, angry and frustrated when life feels unfair. After all, what other emotions should you be feeling in these trying times? It’s natural to have a range of emotions just don’t let them consume you.

What do you do when life doesn’t go the way you expected? How do you find the strength to move forward even though it feels like your world has been shattered?

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s important to acknowledge and accept that life is unfair sometimes. We can try our best to control what happens around us, but at the end of the day, we’re not always in control. Accepting that will help ease your mind and free up inner strength for moving on.

2. Surround Yourself with Support

Having a strong support system help you process your emotions and provide comfort during difficult times. Being surrounded by family or friends who understand your situation can be incredibly beneficial in helping you cope with an injustice or unfairness that’s beyond your control.

3. Believe in Something Bigger

If you believe in something bigger than yourself, like a spiritual practice, religion, or force of nature, finding strength during tough times can be easier knowing that everything happens for a reason. Whether it’s fate, destiny, or luck, believing something greater is controlling your world can make unfairness seem more manageable.

4. Look for role models.

Find people who have faced or are facing similar struggles and see how they tackled them. Their stories of resilience might just be what helps you take control of your own path and find hope in an unjust world.

5. Practice self-care and self-compassion.

Take time to nurture yourself and practice self-love so that you can be in a better state of mind to tackle any obstacles that come your way.

6. Know that it isn’t your fault.

You may feel like you’ve been dealt a bad hand in life, but don’t blame yourself a lot of the time, we simply don’t have control over our circumstances.

7. Find Your Power.

In order to take control of your own path, you first need to find your power. This power can come from within, through self-esteem and self-confidence , or it can be found in those around you—family, friends, and other support systems. Once you have identified your source of power, use it to guide you towards the knowledge and skills that will help you flourish in challenging times.

What Determines Self-Worth: 9 Factors (Not to Focus on)

8. find the meaning and purpose in your life.

It’s natural to feel like everything is outside of your control when life throws challenges your way. But believe it or not, you can still take back some level of control. Start by asking yourself what meaning and purpose you want your life to have.

Think of this exercise like mapping a path, but instead of a physical one, it’s a mental pathway, leading towards the goals and purpose you want to find in life. It’s up to you and only you to establish what it is you want out of life and take the steps necessary to make it happen.

What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? What causes do you stand for? These are just some of the questions that will help define your life’s purpose. Consider who has inspired you throughout your journey and how their story has shaped or motivated yours . Who are the people or things that bring positivity into your life?

After identifying goals for yourself, create action plans for turning them into reality. Consider what resources are at your disposal. Think about the skills that come naturally to you and how they can help bring those ideas from conception to implementation.

Life can be harsh, unpredictable, and sometimes downright cruel at times, but it doesn’t have to end there. By taking the time to focus on what truly matters in life and what drives us forward in our lives, we can start reclaiming some control and establishing a higher level of contentment.

Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life Despite Its Unfairness

Life is not always fair, but this doesn’t mean that it is devoid of any purpose or meaning. As hard as it may seem, finding purpose and meaning in life despite its unfairness is a key step to understanding and accepting the unfairness of life.

Firstly, it’s important to remember that life is about perspective. Everyone experiences different things in life, so the way you view life’s unfairness will depend on your own unique experience. You can find ways to make sense of the situations that feel unfair by taking a step back and reframing them in terms of what you can learn from them and where they may be leading you.

Secondly, it is essential to focus on what makes life meaningful to you finding things that give you joy and bring out the best in yourself will help provide perspective during tough times. This could involve getting involved in something that helps society, developing your creativity or engaging with your community.

Finally, it is important to remember that there are some things in life we cannot control; however, challenging yourself to change what you do have control over will help you find strength during times when things seem unfair. This could involve taking an active role in seeking out helpful insights or changing your expectations or beliefs about yourself and the world around you.

How to Determine Your Values:  A Guide to Find What Matters

How to find balance between accepting fate and taking control of our lives.

Fate is the idea that our future is fixed, predetermined, or preordained by some outside influence. It’s the belief that some higher power has arranged everything for us and our actions don’t really make a difference. On the other hand, taking control implies that you are in charge of your destiny and have the power to make decisions to shape your own future.

At first glance, it may seem like accepting fate and taking control of our lives are opposites. After all, one involves trusting that whatever happens is meant to be, while the other requires us to take on the responsibility of creating our own destiny.

But the truth is that they are deeply connected. When we accept the things we have no control over the events, people, and situations in our lives that can’t be changed we actually create space in our minds and hearts to focus more on the things we can control. Instead of worrying about something outside of our power, we can shift our energy towards productive goals and actions.

Once we understand this connection, it becomes much easier to find a balance between these two forces in life: accepting what’s out of our hands and taking action on what’s within it. Knowing when to embrace fate and when to take charge will lead us closer to achieving a fulfilling life.

It can be hard to find the balance between accepting fate and taking control of our lives, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. Here are a few tips for how you can do it:

1. Living Purposefully

It involves doing the things that matter most to us and focusing on our goals and dreams. Making conscious decisions about our lives, instead of simply allowing life to control us, is a way to take control of our own destiny.

For example, if you want to become a doctor, create a plan that outlines how you will make that happen what courses do you need to take? What will your timeline look like? How will you pay for your education? These are just some examples of how you can start taking control of your life while still accepting that there may be bumps in the road along the way.

2. Embracing Uncertainty

Accepting our fate means embracing uncertainty with an open mind and heart. This can be difficult, especially because uncertainty often carries shame and guilt. Instead of trying to close off from these feelings, try to sit with them and work through them so that you can move forward in a healthy way.

3. Letting Go of Expectations

It is key when it comes to finding balance between accepting fate and taking control of our own lives . We all have certain hopes or expectations when it comes to where we want to go in life. The difference is in how we approach those expectations. If we’re too rigid in our expectations, it might mean that we don’t leave room for unexpected surprises along the way or opportunities for growth and learning.

4. Take Action

At the same time, it’s important to take action and make decisions that are in your best interest. There will always be things that are out of our control, but we can still make choices that will lead us in the right direction. Whether it’s taking on a new job, starting a business, going back to school or investing in yourself, taking proactive steps towards your goals makes you more in control of your own destiny and gives you hope for the future.

5. Celebrate Small Wins

When life isn’t going your way, focus on small wins as a reminder that progress is possible even when the odds seem stacked against you. Celebrating small wins builds resilience. It is something we need to get through challenging times and boosts our sense of self-efficacy (our belief in ourselves). It also helps keep our focus on what matters most: staying resilient despite life’s injustices and having faith that good things will happen eventually.

Who Said Life Had to Be Always Fair?

If you have ever opened up the newspaper or your Facebook feed, you know this to be true. The world is full of people who are suffering in one way or another. People suffer from a disease, poverty, oppression, or the way they were born (even the appearance and more about themselves).

Life is a bit unfair. And you’re not the only one who feels this way. There are many people out there who are also living their lives in a world that seems unfair, but what can we do about it? Firstly , know that your situation is unique to you and no one else. It may seem like everyone else has it worse than you, but they don’t; they just have different circumstances that affect them differently from yours.

Second of all : although some things will be harder for you than others (and those things will probably happen sooner or later), there’s always hope for change. Things always get better as time goes on, if it doesn’t sound like it right now.

Maybe it won’t be so bad tomorrow… or next year… or even ten years from now, when we’re all old ladies sitting in our rocking chairs, reminiscing about how much fun we used to have together when life was simpler.

So, it is better to wake up our mind to see the truth/ the reality of the life .

Sometimes you are the one who has more advantages than someone else, and it seems unfair that people judge your success as your own doing and their failure as a result of their own shortcomings.

We all have different circumstances. Some people are born into more fortunate situations than others, and some are in less fortunate situations, but we all have to deal with what we’re dealt with in life. We don’t make our own luck or misfortune; it’s just part of being human.

Remember not only you, many people struggle with the question of why life is so unfair. They may feel that they have been dealt a bad hand, that they face more challenges than others, or that they are victims of fate or circumstance. But is life really unfair, or is it just our perception of it?

One way to approach this question is to consider the concept of fairness itself. What does it mean for something to be fair? How do we measure fairness? Who decides what is fair and what is not? These are not easy questions to answer, and different people may have different opinions and values. Another way to approach this question is to recognize that life is not a single entity but a complex and dynamic system of interconnected events, choices, and consequences.

Life is not something that happens to us, but something that we participate in and influence. We cannot control everything that happens in life, but we can control how we respond to it. We can choose to see life as a series of opportunities and challenges rather than as a series of obstacles and injustices.

Life is not fair or unfair; it is what we make of it. We can choose to focus on the positive aspects of life, such as our strengths, our passions, our relationships, and our goals. We can also choose to learn from the negative aspects of life, such as our mistakes, our failures, our setbacks, and our losses. We can use these experiences as sources of growth, resilience, and wisdom.

Life is not a competition or a comparison; it is a journey and a discovery. We can choose to appreciate the diversity and uniqueness of life rather than judge or envy others. We can also choose to celebrate our own achievements and contributions, rather than diminish or undermine them. We can use these moments as sources of joy, gratitude, and fulfillment.

We must live with the fact that life will not always be fair, no matter how hard we try. There are many people out there who have it worse than you do. This is just a fact of life that we must accept as we grow older and face the challenges and struggles of adulthood.

Life is not always as fair as you’d expect. You can’t change that. But you can change how you respond to it. Sometimes things indeed happen in life that make you wonder, “Why is life so unfair to me?” or feel angry, sad, or frustrated. But if we learn to focus on what makes us happy instead of what doesn’t, then those experiences become opportunities for growth instead of obstacles to it.

If you’re feeling down about life being unfair, don’t focus on the negatives. Instead, focus on what makes you happy and positive, and let those feelings carry you through your day. You may not be able to change what happens around us, but we can sure as heck change our own reactions towards them, and that will help us feel better in any situation.

It’s easy to get caught up in the feeling that life is unfair, but it’s important to remember that you have the power to create your own path. Some of the most essential steps are learning how to take control, identifying the views and beliefs that you want to live by, and taking the time to develop practices that will help you self-regulate your emotions and create positive change .

• Life is NOT FAIR. It NEVER Will Be. It’s OK. – YouTube video
• 7 reasons why life isn’t fair and how to be better at accepting it.
• ABOUT NEW YORK; Life Is Unfair, but Not Always Tragic – New York Times Magazine
• The Paradox of Choice – Book by Barry Schwartz

Let’s boost your self-growth with Believe in Mind.

Interested in self-reflection tips, learning hacks, and knowing ways to calm down your mind? We offer you the best content which you have been looking for.

Follow Me on

You May Like Also

2 thoughts on “12 Reasons Why is life so Unfair: Exploring Life’s Injustices”

Most of what you write is wrong. Life is unfair. That’s the first one. Although when taken as a simplification, you can let that one pass. As I don’t want to write a long clarification, I’ll keep it very concise by only writing the broad concept. Life is what happens and that can never be fair or unfair. It happens. Only when you define life as concept as the results of people’s actions, then certainly and without a doubt, life is unfair. Because people are incredibly unfair. And they are because it benefits themselves. When a situation presents itself where someone will benefit from being fair, then they will be fair. Will you then say that life is fair? Of course not. Life is perceived as unfair because the overwhelming majority of human interaction is so that someone will benefit by treating another person unfairly. It is rare that one will benefit by treating others fairly. So, no, life is not unfair or fair for that matter, it’s just life. It happens. It’s people who are overwhelmingly unfair ( and it’s not 60-40 or even 80-20, its 99,9-0.1) .

“Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate your perspective on life and fairness. While it’s true that life can be unpredictable and people can be unfair, I believe that we can still strive to make the world a better place by treating others with kindness and respect. It’s important to remember that our actions have consequences and can impact others in ways we may not realize. That’s how our lives become unfair.

Leave a Comment Cancel reply

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

November 24, 2014

The problem isn’t that life is unfair – it’s your broken idea of fairness

258k shares Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Unless you’re winning, most of life will seem hideously unfair to you.

The truth is, life is just playing by different rules.

The real rules are there. They actually make sense. But they’re a bit more complicated, and a lot less comfortable, which is why most people never manage to learn them.

Rule #1: Life is a competition

That business you work for? Someone’s trying to kill it. That job you like? Someone would love to replace you with a computer program. That girlfriend / boyfriend / high-paying job / Nobel Prize that you want? So does somebody else.

We’re all in competition, although we prefer not to realise it. Most achievements are only notable relative to others. You swam more miles, or can dance better, or got more Facebook Likes than the average. Well done.

It’s a painful thing to believe, of course, which is why we’re constantly assuring each other the opposite. “Just do your best”, we hear. “You’re only in competition with yourself”. The funny thing about platitudes like that is they’re designed to make you try harder anyway . If competition really didn’t matter, we’d tell struggling children to just give up.

Fortunately, we don’t live in a world where everyone has to kill each other to prosper. The blessing of modern civilisation is there’s abundant opportunities, and enough for us all to get by, even if we don’t compete directly.

But never fall for the collective delusion that there’s not a competition going on. People dress up to win partners. They interview to win jobs. If you deny that competition exists, you’re just losing. Everything in demand is on a competitive scale. And the best is only available to those who are willing to truly fight for it.

Rule #2. You’re judged by what you do, not what you think

Society judges people by what they can do for others . Can you save children from a burning house, or remove a tumour, or make a room of strangers laugh? You’ve got value right there.

That’s not how we judge ourselves though. We judge ourselves by our thoughts .

“I’m a good person”. “I’m ambitious”. “I’m better than this.” These idle impulses may comfort us at night, but they’re not how the world sees us. They’re not even how we see other people.

Well-meaning intentions don’t matter. An internal sense of honour and love and duty count for squat. What exactly can you and have you done for the world?

Abilities are not prized by their virtue. Whatever admiration society awards us, comes from the selfish perspectives of others. A hard working janitor is less rewarded by society than a ruthless stockbroker. A cancer researcher is rewarded less than a supermodel. Why? Because those abilities are rarer and impact more people.

We like to like to think that society rewards those who do the best work. Like so:

But in reality, social reward is just a network effect. Reward comes down mostly to the number of people you impact :

Write an unpublished book, you’re nobody. Write Harry Potter and the world wants to know you. Save a life, you’re a small-town hero, but cure cancer and you’re a legend. Unfortunately, the same rule applies to all talents, even unsavoury ones: get naked for one person and you might just make them smile, get naked for fifty million people and you might just be Kim Kardashian.

You may hate this. It may make you sick. Reality doesn’t care. You’re judged by what you have the ability to do, and the volume of people you can impact. If you don’t accept this, then the judgement of the world will seem very unfair indeed.

Rule #3. Our idea of fairness is self interest

People like to invent moral authority. It’s why we have referees in sports games and judges in courtrooms: we have an innate sense of right and wrong, and we expect the world to comply. Our parents tell us this. Our teachers teach us this. Be a good boy, and have some candy.

But reality is indifferent. You studied hard, but you failed the exam. You worked hard, but you didn’t get promoted. You love her, but she won’t return your calls.

The problem isn’t that life is unfair; it’s your broken idea of fairness.

Take a proper look at that person you fancy but didn’t fancy you back. That’s a complete person . A person with years of experience being someone completely different to you. A real person who interacts with hundreds or thousands of other people every year.

Now what are the odds that among all that, you’re automatically their first pick for love-of-their-life? Because – what – you exist? Because you feel something for them? That might matter to you , but their decision is not about you .

Similarly we love to hate our bosses and parents and politicians. Their judgements are unfair. And stupid. Because they don’t agree with me! And they should! Because I am unquestionably the greatest authority on everything ever in the whole world!

It’s true there are some truly awful authority figures. But they’re not all evil, self-serving monsters trying to line their own pockets and savour your misery. Most are just trying to do their best, under different circumstances to your own.

Maybe they know things you don’t – like, say, your company will go bust if they don’t do something unpopular. Maybe they have different priorities to you – like, say, long term growth over short term happiness.

But however they make you feel , the actions of others are not some cosmic judgement on your being. They’re just a byproduct of being alive.

Why life isn’t fair

Our idea of fairness isn’t actually obtainable. It’s really just a cloak for wishful thinking.

Can you imagine how insane life would be if it actually was ‘fair’ to everyone? No-one could fancy anyone who wasn’t the love of their life, for fear of breaking a heart. Companies would only fail if everyone who worked for them was evil. Relationships would only end when both partners died simultaneously. Raindrops would only fall on bad people.

Most of us get so hung up on how we think the world should work that we can’t see how it does. But facing that reality might just be the key to unlocking your understanding of the world, and with it, all of your potential.

Enjoyed this? Get future posts emailed to you .

Keep reading

How to find your passion

If you’re not pissing someone off, you probably aren’t doing anything important

252k shares

Three words of advice for the young and ambitious

Comment rules: Critical is fine, but if you’re trolling, I'll delete your stuff. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation.

Oliver Emberton

Founder of Silktide , writer, pianist, programmer, artist and general busy bee. Here I write about life and how to better it.

Get notified when I write something new

No spam, ever. View preview .

© Oliver Emberton 2024.

Website by Delighten

More From Forbes

Life isn't fair - deal with it.

• Share to Facebook
• Share to Twitter
• Share to Linkedin

There seems to be a lot of talk these days about what is fair, and what is not. President Obama seems to believe life should be fair – that “everybody should have a fair shake.” Some of the 99% seem to believe life has treated them unfairly, and some of the 1% percent feel life hasn’t treated them fairly enough. My questions are these: What is fair? Is life fair? Should life be fair? I’ll frame the debate, and you decide…

We clearly have no choice about how we come into this world, we have little choice early in life, but as we grow older choices abound. I have long believed that while we have no control over the beginning of our life, the overwhelming majority of us have the ability to influence the outcomes we attain. Fair is a state of mind, and most often, an unhealthy state of mind.

In business, in politics, and in life, most of us are beneficiaries of the outcomes we have contributed to. Our station in life cannot, or at least should not, be blamed on our parents, our teachers, our pastors, our government, or our society - it’s largely based on the choices we make, and the attitudes we adopt.

People have overcome poverty, drug addiction, incarceration, abuse, divorce, mental illness, victimization, and virtually every challenge known to man. Life is full of examples of the uneducated, the mentally and physically challenged, people born into war-torn impoverished backgrounds, who could have complained about life being unfair, but who instead chose a different path – they chose to overcome the odds and to leave the world better than they found it. Regardless of the challenges they faced, they had the character to choose contribution over complaint.

I don’t dispute that challenges exist. I don’t even dispute that many have an uphill battle due to the severity of the challenges they face. What I vehemently dispute is attempting to regulate, adjudicate, or legislate fairness somehow solves the world’s problems. Mandates don’t create fairness, but people’s desire and determination can work around or overcome most life challenges.

It doesn’t matter whether you are born with a silver spoon, plastic spoon, or no spoon at all. It’s not the circumstances by which you come into this world, but what you make of them once you arrive that matter. One of my clients came to this country from Africa in his late teens, barely spoke the language, drove a cab while working his way through college, and is now the President of a large technology services firm. Stories such as this are all around us – they are not miracles, nor are they the rare exception. They do however demonstrate blindness to the mindset of the fairness doctrine.

From a leadership perspective, it’s a leader’s obligation to do the right thing, regardless of whether or not it’s perceived as the fair thing. When leaders attempt to navigate the slippery slope of fairness, they will find themselves arbiter of public opinion and hostage to the politically correct. Fair isn’t a standard to be imposed unless a leader is attempting to impose mediocrity. Fair blends to a norm, and in doing so, it limits, inhibits, stifles, and restricts, all under the guise of balance and equality. I believe fair only exists as a rationalization or justification. The following 11 points came from a commencement speech widely attributed to Bill Gates entitled Rules for Life. While many dispute the source , whether it was proffered by Bill Gates or not, I tend to agree with the hypothesis:

Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Here’s the thing – we all face challenges, and life treats us all unfairly. We all make regrettable choices, and we all suffer from things thrust upon us do to little if any fault of our own. When I suffered a debilitating stroke at an early age, I certainly asked myself “why did this happen to me?” I could have felt sorry for myself and became bitter, I could have thrown in the towel and quit on my family and myself – I didn’t. It took two years of gut-wrenching effort, but what I thought was a great injustice at the time changed my life for the better. Today, you couldn’t tell I ever had a stroke. The greatest adversity life can throw at you simply affords you an opportunity to make changes, improve, and get better.

By the title of today’s column you have no doubt surmised I believe life is not fair, nor do I believe we should attempt to socially or financially engineer it to be such. Fair is not an objective term – it is a matter of perspective filtered by a subjective assessment. My subjective assessment is that fair is an entitlement concept manufactured to appease those who somehow feel slighted. Life isn’t fair - #occupyreality

Follow me on Twitter @mikemyatt

• Editorial Standards
• Reprints & Permissions

The Enemy Of Average

Why Is Life So Unfair? (And What You Can Do About It)

Why is life so unfair?

During periods of struggle, I’m guessing that you’ve asked yourself this question. It’s only natural when life seems to be punishing you for no other reason than to be cruel.

The truth though, is that you’re stronger than your circumstances. No matter the injustice that life throws your way, you can overcome these struggles.

And even more than that, you can use the unfairness of your life to your benefit by making something of yourself despite the suffering.

This article will delve deeper into the question of why is life so unfair, and then talk about several different strategies you can implement to combat the unfairness of life.

Table of Contents

3 Reasons Why Life Is So Unfair

It’s true that every job applicant should be judged strictly on merit, regardless of family background or connections.

It’s true that in an ideal world, we’d all endure the same level of suffering, trauma, and loss.

It’s true that if life was completely fair, we’d all be born into families with the same level of opportunity and wealth.

But we don’t live in a fair world, and we never will. You’re never going to be playing the game of life on a level playing field.

Before going into what you can do about this, here’s 3 simple reasons why you’ll never stop asking the question, “why is life so unfair?”

#1: Everyone Wants What You Want

If you’re reading this article, it likely means that you want more out of life. Well, the reality is that so does everyone else. 

Many times in life, we get into trouble when we think we’re special. 

This belief manifests itself in conditions like social anxiety, which plagued my life for years. For those of you who aren’t familiar with social anxiety, it’s an anxiety disorder that’s characterized by an intense fear of being judged negatively by other people in social situations.

It’s an irrational and debilitating fear. And even though the belief comes more from a place of fear than arrogance, it’s actually quite a self-centered approach to the world — it assumes that you’re special, and that people are watching your every move waiting for you to slip up.

The reality is far different — people are so consumed with their own thoughts that our actions aren’t nearly as important as we think they are.

The belief that we’re special also causes problems when it comes to assessing our own level of ambition. I’m a huge offender of this, because for a long time I believed I was special for having so much ambition. 

I wasn’t special at all! Everyone wants to achieve their goals and dreams . Everyone wants to be happier, richer, and more fulfilled. 

The world isn’t fair because everyone is in a race to get the best of everything in life, and some people are given a significant head start. 

• Some people will possess more talent than you.  
• Some people will be born with more natural intelligence than you. 
• Some people will have more opportunities due to their family’s socioeconomic status
• Some people will encounter improbable strokes of luck that greatly accelerate their progress

You might not have any of these advantages while going after the life you want. 

Is that fair? Nope. 

Is that just how life is and how it always will be? Yes.

#2: Self Interest Reigns Supreme

Sometimes other people are the biggest culprits of us asking the question, “why is life so unfair?”

Maybe at one point you developed feelings for someone and they didn’t feel the same way. 

Maybe you’ve been let go from a job because management decided that they needed to cut back on staff to improve margins.

Maybe you’ve been on the wrong end of gossip about your personal life that’s had a negative impact on your personal relationships.

In all of these events, self-interest is driving behavior. At the end of the day, when faced with a decision, most people will place their needs above the needs of others.

It’s a survival instinct that’s been hard-wired into us over thousands of years of evolution — we all do what we feel we need to do to survive and thrive in this world.

It’s not evil, it’s just human nature. At some point, you’ve likely made a decision to benefit your own self-interests that’s negatively affected the lives of other people, even if you didn’t know it at the time.

Does that make you a bad person? Of course not, it just means that you did what you thought was best for you, which is what we’re all trying to do in this world.

#3: Pain Doesn’t Affect Everyone Equally

Right before we both started high school, one of my best friends lost his mother to cancer.

She was a wonderful woman, and I couldn’t believe she had been taken from the world such an early age (she was in her late 40’s when she died)

I also couldn’t comprehend why this was happening to my friend, who now had to go through the rest of his life with a gaping hole in his heart. Incredible pain had been inflicted upon him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

This taught me a very important lesson about the nature of the world — pain doesn’t distribute itself equally among the population.

It’s true that life is suffering, yet some people feel the weight of this suffering significantly more than others do. As you’re reading this right now, there are some truly horrible things happening in the world.

• Sons/daughters are losing their mothers and fathers unexpectedly
• Mothers giving birth are losing their babies in the womb
• Innocent people are becoming the victims of evil crimes

Events like these are inevitable, and when they happen to you or someone you’re close to, it’s understandable to wonder why is life so unfair.

And yet, there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t change the fact that bad things are going to happen to good people, all you can do is hope that they don’t directly affect you or the people you care about.

We’re all going to experience pain in our lives. For some of you, the level of pain you experience will be healthy and manageable.

Unfortunately, there are some of you reading this who have endured, or will have to endure a tremendous level of physical and emotional pain. You’ll constantly be questioning “why is life so unfair? ” and wonder why the world is such a cruel, nasty place.

Where you end up on the sliding scale of pain largely comes down to luck — the only thing you can do is focus on managing whatever comes your way.

What Should You Do When Life Is Unfair? (4 Tips)

We can’t change the fact that life is unfair, so what can we do to combat the inevitable suffering that life will throw at us?

Here’s four different things you can do to push back against the unfairness of life:

• Focus Only On What You Can Control
• Seize Your Opportunities
• Let Your Work Ethic Define You
• Prepare For The Worst By Controlling Your Environment

The rest of this article will cover each of these strategies in more detail and give you a roadmap for tilting the odds of fate in your favor.

#1: Focus Only On What You Control

When things aren’t going your way, it’s easy to lash out at the world being cruel. Unfortunately, no amount of complaining about the external world will change it’s unfair nature.

At some point, instead of constantly asking yourself, “why is life so unfair?”, you have to shift your internal dialogue.

Here’s a more productive question — Despite what life is throwing my way, what can I do to fight back?

The game of life is won by people who master what’s within their control, and let go of the things that they can’t control..

Get laid off from your job? Sure, it’s not going to feel good in the present moment, and it’s okay to sit with that pain for a few days.

But when the resentment fades, you’re given two choices:

• Option #1: Continue to sit and wallow in your anger, using the pain as an excuse to stagnate and not look for any other opportunities. 
• Option #2: Focus on what’s within your control and execute the action steps necessary to make the best out of a bad  situation.

You can choose to start rebuilding your resume and tailor it to the job that you want to find next.

You can look in the mirror and honestly assess your own performance, and craft a plan for fixing the weaknesses that played a role in you being let go.

You can choose to send in 5-10 job applications per day so that you give yourself the best chance of landing back on your feet.

These are all positive actions that would improve this situation, and you have total control over whether or not you execute them.

So whatever the source of unnecessary pain in your life, write down 5-10 action steps that you can complete that will address this source of pain.

You can’t take on all 5-10 at once, so focus on one at a time and make incremental progress every single day. And if you have the self-discipline to do that, you may find that the world is a much more opportunistic place when you show some grit.

#2: Seize Your Opportunities  

Given that the world is an unfair place, you must take advantage of opportunities that the world throws your way.

Successful people are masters of seizing opportunity. Average people tend to let opportunities pass them by and then curse the world for their bad fortune.

The world doesn’t distribute it’s opportunities to everyone equally. Some people get the benefit of being in the right place at the right time more often than others, but we’re all in that position at one point or another.

The only question is whether or not you’re going to act at that moment.

I guarantee that if you look back on the positive events that have happened in your life, most of them were preceded by you seizing an opportunity.

The dilemma with opportunities is that capitalizing on them requires getting outside of your comfort zone. The single biggest culprit of a failure to seize opportunity tracks back to fear — fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear being negatively judged by others, etc.

If you want to make your own luck in this world, you have to get comfortable with fear. You must learn to take action in spite of it when opportunities arise.

One of the best ways to do this is through comfort zone challenges, which essentially force you to practice facing your fears.

The inherent nature of comfort zone challenges is that there’s potential for embarrassment or rejection. And although it feels scary to embrace these emotions in the moment, what lies on the other side is a greater sense of freedom.

Each time you face fear despite your brain’s urges to retreat, you build up evidence in your brain that you can handle discomfort and take risks in spite of your emotions.

And when you become that kind of person, seizing opportunities becomes far easier.

#3: Let Your Work Ethic Define You

There are a bunch of things in life that you have no control over.

You don’t have control over whether or not you were born into money. You don’t have control over your genetic code. You don’t have control over the actions of others, and the negative consequences of those actions on your own life.

With that being said, there’s one thing that you always have control over no matter how dire your situation is, and that’s your work ethic.

Working hard doesn’t guarantee success, it just tilts the odds in your favor. And the level to which the odds shift in your favor is directly related to your level of commitment to your craft.

Early on this blogging journey of mine, I realized that I didn’t have much control over when it was going to start to take off:

• I couldn’t control whether or not my guest posts to other blogs were accepted or not
• I couldn’t control whether or not other influencers in the self-improvement world would mention my content or not
• I couldn’t control the speed at which my content would start to rank in Google.

However, I did have control over the amount of posts I published each week. 

In the blogging world, more posts means more opportunities to rank in Google. More opportunities to rank means more traffic. More traffic means more money, and more money means having the resources to make this my full-time career.

Published posts is the one key metric that makes all of the things listed above possible. Furthermore, it’s something that I have 100% control over, which means it deserves every ounce of my limited focus and attention.

Now for you, this key metric may be different. In any endeavor, there’s a number of different actions that can improve your chances of success. 

However, there’s typically one thing you have control over that has the greatest influence on your overall happiness, fulfillment, and success.

So instead of asking yourself “why is life so unfair?” ask yourself this:

What’s my one key metric? What’s the one daily action that will significantly move the needle in my personal and professional life?

If you work in sales, that one key metric might be the number of calls you make every single day or the number of emails you send out.

If you’re a writer, that one key metric might be the number of words you write every single day.

If you have aspirations to become a world-class chef, that one key metric might be the number of classes you take to improve your craft.

Focusing on this metric won’t guarantee success, but it will give you a chance to smartly outwork everyone who wants what you want. And you’ll be less affected by the slings and arrows of fate when you adopt 100% responsibility for a metric that has a tremendous impact on your outcomes.

#4: Prepare For The Worst By Controlling Your Environment

“Environment is the invisible hand that shapes human  behavior.” ~ James Clear

Oftentimes, we underestimate the impact of our environment. This is a fatal mistake because human beings are a product of the environments that they’re in. 

Given that the world can be an unfair place, we need to do as many things as possible to tilt the odds in our favor.

If you were to suddenly lose a family member due to illness, would you have a strong social support system to rely on? Or, would your lack of social connection accentuate the despair that comes along with losing a loved one?

The world taking away someone that you love is a horrible tragedy that you can’t prevent. However, the strength of your personal relationships is an environmental factor that influences how you come out of this tragedy.

It also happens to be 100% controllable. There are several other examples that we could dive into, but the bottom line is this:

Bad things are going to happen to you in life. Most of the time you don’t know when, where, why or how they will happen, but be rest assured that your day is coming. The only thing you can do to prepare for adversity is to design your environment in a way that facilitates your ability to handle the consequences of fate.

The type of people that you associate with. The ease of access to distractions that impede your personal and professional growth. The places that you choose to spend time in.

These are all environmental factors that you can determine, life doesn’t have to determine these for you. And when adversity hits, these factors often play a huge role in the way you handle it.

Why Is Life So Unfair Quotes

I think a nice way to wrap up this article is to mention some inspirational quotes about the unfairness of life and the power we have to overcome it.

So without further ado, here’s a list of hard hitting quotes that highlight the harsh nature of life, and what we can do about it.

• “Life is unfair but remember sometimes it is unfair in your favor.” ~ Peter Ustinov
• “So I came to the realization. Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life.” ~ Rob Lowe
• “Inside of a ring or out, ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It’s staying down that’s wrong.” ~ Muhammad Ali
• “The problem isn’t that life is unfair — it’s our broken idea of fairness. Meaning, our idea of fairness is self-centered.” ~ Tony Warrick
• “The only thing that makes life unfair is the delusion that it should be fair.” ~ Dr. Steve Maraboli
• “ One of the most fascinating lessons I’ve absorbed about life is that struggle is good.” ~ Joe Rogan
• “The happiest people don’t bother about whether life is unfair. They just concentrate on what they have.” ~ Andrew Matthews
• “Life happened. In all its banality, cruelty, and unfairness. But also in its beauty, pleasures, and delights. Life happened.” ~ Thirty Umrigar
• “Life isn’t fair. It never will be. Quit trying to make it fair. You don’t need it to be fair. Go make life unfair to your advantages.” ~ Robert Kiyosaki
• “Life isn’t fair. No matter what life throws your way, no matter how unfair it may seem, refuse to play the victim. Refuse to be ruled by fear, pessimism, and negativity. Refuse to quit. Be a warrior and work through whatever life throws your way with courage, love, and positivity.” ~ Zero Dean
• “When life puts you in touchy situations, don’t say “Why Me?” Just say “Try me.” ~ Dwayne Johnson
• “Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~ Unknown
• “Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand.” ~ Hayley Williams
• “Sometimes, life is unfair and you have to suck it up and move on and not use it as an excuse.” ~ Robert Kraft

Final Thoughts: Why Is Life So Unfair

The world isn’t always going to act in your favor, so you must learn to act on the world and make the best of your situation.

Usually, this means focusing on what you can control. The world can be a horrifying unfair place, but it also rewards those with the courage to become the master of their fate.

If you accept the fact that life is unfair instead of cursing the fact that it is, you’ll be more likely to work towards your goals and dreams with persistence and perseverance, knowing that you and you alone are responsible for creating your own happiness.

Hopefully the tips outlined in this article put you on the path to doing just that.

• You Are Who You Surround Yourself With: Choose Wisely
• 10 Reasons You’re Feeling Unfulfilled (And How To Address Them)
• How To Be Consistent: 5 Tips To Master Daily Action
• 25 Best Spartan Quotes Of All-Time

Similar Posts

120 Saturday Motivational Quotes To Inspire Your Success

Facebook X Pinterest LinkedIn Flipboard Just because it’s the weekend, doesn’t mean that you have to completely unplug and…

55 Tim Grover Quotes About Unlocking Your Greatness

In this article, we’re going to dive into a list of Tim Grover quotes that will get you fired…

107 Kevin Gates Quotes To Inspire Your Daily Hustle

In this article, we’re going to dive into some of the best Kevin Gates quotes that will inspire you…

50 Powerful Quotes About Rebuilding Yourself & Your Life

In today’s article, we’re gonna dive into a powerful collection of rebuild yourself quotes that will inspire you to…

30 Charles K Kao Quotes That Will Inspire You

In this article, we’re diving into some of the best Charles K Kao quotes that will motivate you to…

65 Powerful You Are Stronger Than You Think Quotes

In this article, we’re diving into some powerful you are stronger than you think quotes that you can fall…

Life’s not fair! So why do we assume it is?

Doctoral Student in Developmental Psychology, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Disclosure statement

Larisa Hussak receives funding from the National Science Foundation.

View all partners

Income inequality in America has been growing rapidly, and is expected to increase . While the widening wealth gap is a hot topic in the media and on the campaign trail, there’s quite a disconnect between the perceptions of economists and those of the general public.

For instance, surveys show people tend to underestimate the income disparity between the top and bottom 20% of Americans, and overestimate the opportunity for poor individuals to climb the social ladder. Additionally, a majority of adults believe that corporations conduct business fairly despite evidence to the contrary and that the government should not act to reduce income inequality.

Even though inequality is increasing, Americans seem to believe that our social and economic systems work exactly as they should. This perspective has intrigued social scientists for decades. My colleague Andrei Cimpian and I have demonstrated in our recent research that these beliefs that our society is fair and just may take root in the first years of life, stemming from our fundamental desire to explain the world around us.

Believing in a legit reason for bad situations

When the going gets tough, it can be emotionally exhausting to think about all the obstacles in one’s path. This idea has been used by many researchers to explain why people – especially those who are disadvantaged – would support an unequal society. Consciously or not, people want to reduce the negative emotions they naturally feel when faced with unfairness and inequality.

To do this, people rationalize the way things are. Rather than confronting or trying to change what is unfair about their society, people prefer to fall back on the belief that there’s a valid reason for that inequity to exist.

This drive to relieve negative feelings by justifying “the system” seems to play an important role in people’s thinking about their societies all over the world . Therefore, it almost seems to be human nature to explain away the inequalities we encounter as simply the way things are supposed to be.

But are negative emotions necessary for people to justify the society around them? According to our findings , perhaps not.

Quick assumptions aren’t necessarily right

We make these kinds of justifying assumptions all day long, not just about social inequality. We’re constantly trying to make sense of everything we see around us.

When people generate explanations for the events and patterns they encounter in the world (for instance, orange juice being served at breakfast), they often do so quickly, without a whole lot of concern for whether the answer they come up with is 100% correct. To devise these answers on the spot, our explanation-generating system grabs onto the first things that come to mind, which are most often inherent facts. We look to simple descriptions of the objects in question – orange juice has vitamin C – without considering external information about the history of these objects or their surroundings.

What this means is the bulk of our explanations rely on the features of the things we’re trying to explain – there must be something about orange juice itself, like vitamin C, that explains why we have it for breakfast. Because of the shortcuts in this explanation process, it introduces a degree of bias into our explanations and, as a result, into how we understand the world.

There’s gotta be a reason…

In our research, Andrei and I wanted to see if this biased tendency to explain using inherent information shaped people’s beliefs about inequality. We hypothesized that inherent explanations of inequalities directly lead to the belief that society is fair. After all, if there is some inherent feature of the members of Group A (such as work ethic or intelligence) that explains their high status relative to Group B, then it seems fair that Group A should continue to enjoy an advantage.

What we found confirmed our predictions. When we asked adults to explain several status disparities, they favored explanations that relied on inherent traits over those that referred to past events or contextual influences. They were much more likely to say that a high-status group achieved their advantage because they were “smarter or better workers” than because they had “won a war” or lived in a prosperous region.

Furthermore, the stronger a participant’s preference for inherent explanations, the stronger their belief that the disparities were fair and just.

In order to ensure that this tendency wasn’t simply the result of a desire to reduce negative emotions, we told our participants about fictional disparities on other planets. Unlike the inequalities they may encounter in their everyday lives, our imaginary inequalities (for instance, between the Blarks and the Orps on Planet Teeku) would be unlikely to make participants feel bad. These made-up scenarios allowed us to see that people do jump to the same kinds of justifications even when we aren’t trying to alleviate negative feelings.

Kids buy into inherent explanations for inequality

We also asked these questions of an additional group of participants who should be even less likely to experience anxiety about their place in society when thinking about status disparities on alien planets: young children. Just like our adult participants, children as young as four years of age showed a strong preference for inherent explanations for inequality.

When we asked them to generate explanations, they were almost twice as likely to say that the high-status Blarks were more intelligent, worked harder, or were “just better” than the low-status Orps than they were to mention factors such as the neighborhood, family or history of either group. This preference promoted a belief that conditions were fair and worthy of support.

These findings suggest that the public’s misconceptions of inequality are, at least to some extent, due to our basic mental makeup. Primitive cognitive processes that allow us to create explanations for all the things we encounter in the world may also bias us to see our world as fair.

But the tendency to rely on inherent explanations, and adopt the subsequent belief that things are as they should be, is not unavoidable.

When we told children, for instance, that certain disparities were due to historical and contextual factors (rather than built-in, fundamental features of the aliens), they were much less likely to endorse those disparities as fair and just. Taking time to consider the many factors – both inherent and external – that contribute to social status may be an effective tool for developing a reasoned and critical perspective on our society in the face of growing inequality.

• Income inequality
• Social sciences
• Developmental psychology
• Negative emotions

Data Manager

Research Support Officer

Director, Social Policy

Head, School of Psychology

Senior Research Fellow - Women's Health Services

Life Isn’t Fair – Get Over It Or Get Frustrated. It’s Your Choice.

Disclosure: this page may contain affiliate links to select partners. We receive a commission should you choose to make a purchase after clicking on them. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Have you ever said, “Life isn’t fair”?

Of course you have. We’ve all said that.

And we’re right. Life is NOT FAIR. At least it’s not fair all the time.

But sometimes life IS FAIR — to be fair.

So somebody commits a capital crime. The crime is investigated and a suspect is arrested. The defendant is tried in court and convicted by a jury as a result of the evidence. Finally, the convicted is sent to prison to serve their sentence.

That’s fair, is it not?

The person broke the law and the law punished them for the violation. This is not only fair, but our society functions effectively because of it.

Or consider a young person who decides to pursue a preferred career option.

They do well in school; are accepted into a good college; attend the college and excel; graduate from the college; apply for jobs; and eventually get hired by a firm and they have a stellar career.

That’s fair, isn’t it?

A just reward for discipline and hard work. It’s a common motivator for overcoming the inertia that’s all too common.

But even as we agree that some things in life are fair, we know that some things are NOT FAIR. In fact, many things in life are not fair. For example:

On September 11, 2001, nearly 3,000 people lost their lives through an act of terrorism. People who were just trying to earn an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work. Children. Peace-loving people. Business people. Daycare workers. Service workers. Firefighters. People who not only did not deserve to die, but certainly not in the horrific way that took their lives that beautiful crisp September morning. That’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.

Martin Luther King, Jr., while pioneering the ideals stated in our Declaration of Independence, was assassinated by a man who had no concern for fairness at all. A man who had dedicated his life to freedom and equality and dignity for all — was cut down by a man who had no concern for any of these things. This is just not fair. Such unfairness makes us angry and we cry out against it.

Some people are born into privilege. Born into a family with money and influence. Sent to the best schools. Afforded opportunities that most can only dream about. But others are born into crushing poverty. Where survival is a daily challenge. No money or influence. Few, if any, opportunities. Yet neither the child of privilege nor the child of disadvantage did anything to bring about their fortune or lack of it. How is it fair that a child who did nothing to merit their good fortune receives so much of it? How is it fair that a child who did nothing to deserve their misfortune receives so much of it? How is that fair? It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.

In many respects, life is just not fair. We would all agree on that. And agreeing to life’s unfairness is a good place to begin. So let’s just say it. LIFE IS NOT FAIR! And it’s a certainty that we will continue to see manifestations of life’s unfairness into the future. So what do we do about it? What do we do given the fact that life is unfair? Consider the following suggestions.

Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you accept the unfairness of life. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.

We should begin by simply admitting that life is unfair . And it will always be unfair to a point.

It’s not our fault. It’s not our doing. We didn’t cause it. It just IS.

Denying that life is unfair is not only inaccurate, it’s pointless. So just admit it. Say it out loud. LIFE IS UNFAIR. It helps.

The second thing we should do is accept that life is unfair . That life always has been and always will be unfair.

We can’t change it except on the smallest of scales.

Accepting what we cannot change is one of the hallmarks of the Serenity Prayer.

It’s also a good approach to the unfairness in the world. We simply accept it as part of life. And part of our own journey.

Anticipate It

Given the fact that unfairness is part of life, we should anticipate it .

Unfairness is universal in every culture, in every time, and in every place.

Admitting and accepting that life is unfair will help us anticipate it, and not be shocked when we see it or experience it.

We may be disappointed when we experience life’s unfairness. But there’s no reason to be surprised by it. Certainly not shocked by it.

Anticipating it will go a long way toward helping us not be disillusioned by it.

Adjust To It

When we recognize that life is unfair and adopt the proper attitude toward it, we’ll be ready to adjust to it .

We adjust by not letting the unfairness of life derail us. By not letting life’s unfairness divert us from our mission and purpose.

Life’s unfairness can lead us to bitterness and cynicism . It can generate fear and dread in us as we think about the future.But none of this is necessary.

We can adjust to life’s unfairness. When something happens to us that’s not fair, we simply declare it so and adjust to it.We admit the unfairness. We mourn the fact that it was unfair. We don’t like it. But we don’t deny it.

We accept the unfairness when it happens. But we don’t equate acceptance with endorsement . Nor do we ignore the unfairness.

There are things we may choose to do that will better ensure that the particular unfairness ceases. But accepting it helps this process rather than hinders it.

Until we admit and accept that unfairness has occurred, we won’t be ready to deal with it. When we adjust to unfairness, we’re ready to move forward.

Adapt To It

When something is inevitable and unavoidable, it’s usually fruitless to get worked up over it.

It’s okay to get angry and resolve to change it if possible, but fighting unfairness doesn’t always have to be a fight.

When you’re out on the open sea in a sailboat and the wind shifts, you don’t fight the wind — you change your sails . You will never defeat the wind. All you can do is work in harmony with the wind to accomplish your goal.

If we insist on getting worked up over life’s unfairness, we will only relegate ourselves to frustration.

One of the quips of the ages is, “It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”

We may feel better for a brief time by cursing the darkness. But cursing the darkness generates no light. We must light a candle to do that.

Fighting doesn’t bring the light. Cursing doesn’t bring the light. It’s the candle that brings the light.

Of course, we’re free to do battle if we choose.

I’ve known people whose life consisted almost entirely of railing against the unfairness in the world. As if their complaining about the unfairness will eradicate it.

It’s not going to happen.

The best we can do is adapt to the unfairness by accepting that it will always be with us. Then do what we can to combat it when we see it. And certainly not to contribute to it ourselves.The choice is ours to make. We don’t need to be frustrated by the unfairness. We can respond to it in a healthy and productive way. And we should. So let’s review.

Life is not fair. It just isn’t. Sometimes it’s mildly unfair. Sometimes it’s grossly unfair.

When we see life display its unfairness, here’s what we should do:

• ADMIT. Deep down we know that life is unfair. Just admit that it is. It will help.
• ACCEPT. Accepting life’s unfairness doesn’t mean we like it. It does mean we accept it as part of our journey.
• ANTICIPATE. Once we accept that life is unfair, we’ll be less shocked and derailed when we see it. We should expect life to be unfair because it is.
• ADJUST. Because life is unfair, we’ll be called upon to adjust when we experience it. If not, then life’s unfairness will get the better of us. We don’t need to let that happen.
• ADAPT. If we fail to adapt to the unfairness of life, it can break us. We can become so disillusioned by it that we give up. But don’t give up because life is unfair — adapt to it and use it as a springboard for change.

Many of the world’s great changes were brought about because someone sensed an unfairness. And they began to work toward a change. A change that in some specific way eliminated the unfairness that had earlier prevailed. Life isn’t fair. Get over it or get frustrated. It’s your choice.

Still not sure how to deal with the unfairness of life? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.

Speak to a therapist about it. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to accept whatever has happened and then work through the emotional and practical aspects of the situation.

BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.

While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.

Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

You may also like...

10 easily avoidable mistakes so many people seem intent on making in their lives

9 signs you’re unhappy in life but hiding it well (don’t ignore these!)

Hate sitting at a desk all day? Try one of these 15 jobs instead!

10 reasons to just be YOU and to ignore everyone else’s expectations

If you want to move forward in life, stop wasting your time on these 12 things

10 things you need to figure out about your life (the sooner the better)

9 aches you’ll never get rid of unless you do something about them

Unless you want major regrets when you’re older, stop ignoring these 8 wake-up calls

If you want to be happy as you get older, say goodbye to these 12 behaviors

About The Author

I was born and raised in northern Virginia near Washington, D.C. My dream as a child was to play professional baseball. I made it as far as a baseball scholarship to a Division 1 college. I’m a teacher at heart, and love to teach anything and anybody who wants to learn. I started out as a public school teacher. But within a few years, felt called to the ministry, where I spent 32 years as a pastor. I love the outdoors. I love to read. I love people. I love to learn. I try to take a long walk every day year-round. I’ve done that for more than 40 years. It’s where I do some of my best thinking. It also clears the cobwebs from my head and the nonsense that tries to take root there. My blog is Quotation Celebration , where I discuss the meaning and lessons contained within great quotes.

Exploring Things That are Unfair About Life: A Close Look

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, some of which can leave us feeling as though we’ve been dealt an unfair hand. From personal challenges to societal inequalities, unfairness can manifest in a variety of ways, testing our resilience and fortitude.

In this article, we take a deep dive into the concept of unfairness and its impact on different aspects of our lives. We’ll explore the root causes of unfairness and offer insights on how we can cope with its effects.

Key Takeaways

• Unfairness in life can leave us feeling frustrated, angry, and helpless
• Societal inequalities, economic disparities, and unforeseen circumstances are just a few examples of unfairness that we may encounter
• Understanding the impact of unfairness on mental health can help us cultivate resilience and self-care
• Advocacy and collective action can empower us to challenge and address unfairness in our world
• By fostering awareness and understanding, we can work towards a fairer future for all

Life’s Unpredictable Nature

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib62ar0oS40

Life is full of surprises, and not all of them are pleasant. From sudden illnesses to unexpected financial setbacks, life’s unpredictable nature can lead to feelings of frustration and a sense that some things are inherently unfair. Despite our desires for control and predictability, life often has a way of reminding us that we are not in charge.

At times, it can seem as though unfairness is baked into the very fabric of life. No matter how much we plan and prepare, there will always be circumstances beyond our control that disrupt our best laid plans. And while this can feel discouraging, it’s important to remember that adversity can also be an opportunity for growth and learning.

One way to cope with life’s unpredictability is to cultivate greater resilience. This involves developing a sense of inner strength and adaptability that allows us to bounce back from setbacks and persevere in the face of challenges. Resilience can be strengthened through a variety of practices, such as mindfulness meditation, cognitive-behavioral therapy, or even simply seeking out supportive relationships.

Another way to cope with life’s unfairness is to focus on what we can control. While we may not be able to control the cards we are dealt, we can control how we respond to them. By focusing on our own attitudes and behaviors, we can often find ways to make the best of difficult situations.

Life’s Unpredictable Nature: Examples

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” -Lao Tzu

Social Inequalities

Life is riddled with unfairness, and society is no exception. Social inequalities come in many forms, creating disparities that perpetuate life’s inequities . Among the factors contributing to injustice in society are wealth, race, gender, and social status. These divides are often rooted in systemic issues, making them difficult to address and resolve.

A closer examination of social inequalities reveals the extent of the issue. For example, wealth disparities in the US are vast, with the top 10% of households holding 76% of the country’s wealth. This leaves the remaining 90% of households with just 24% of the wealth. Such disparities have a profound impact on individuals and society as a whole, perpetuating inequality and hindering social mobility.

Systemic Racism

One of the most pervasive forms of social inequality is systemic racism. People of color face discrimination and prejudice across various domains of life, including education, employment, and law enforcement. The roots of systemic racism can be traced back to the early days of American history, with policies like redlining and segregation continuing to have a lasting impact today.

The consequences of systemic racism can be devastating, with people of color experiencing higher rates of poverty, poor health outcomes, and police brutality. Addressing systemic racism requires a collective effort, as it is deeply ingrained in society’s structures and norms. However, progress can be made through advocacy, policy change, and education.

Gender Inequality

Gender inequality is another pervasive form of social injustice. Women face discrimination and bias across various domains of life, including employment, education, and healthcare. The gender pay gap, where women earn less than men for the same work, is a stark example of gender inequality.

Additionally, women often experience gender-based violence, including sexual harassment and assault. The #MeToo movement has shed light on the prevalence and impact of such violence, but much work remains to be done to create a world where all people can live without fear and prejudice.

Social inequalities are deeply ingrained in our society, perpetuating life’s inequities and hindering progress towards a fairer future. Addressing these issues requires a collective effort and a commitment to advocating for change. Through education, policy change, and advocacy, we can work towards creating a more just and equitable world.

Unfairness in Society: Life’s Disparities

Economic disparities play a significant role in life’s unfairness . The wealth gap, income inequality, and socio-economic factors often limit opportunities, leaving some at a disadvantage. According to a recent report, the top 1% of Americans hold 15 times more wealth than the bottom 50%. This staggering statistic highlights the extent of economic inequality in society.

The consequences of economic disparities are far-reaching and affect individuals and society as a whole. Those living in poverty often lack access to essential resources such as healthcare, education, and adequate housing. Additionally, social mobility is hindered as individuals from marginalized communities face barriers to upward mobility.

Addressing Societal Disparities

It’s essential to understand the root causes of economic disparities to address them effectively. Policies such as progressive taxation, affordable housing, and equitable education can help bridge the wealth gap. Initiatives that address systemic racism, sexism, and other forms of discrimination can also help promote greater equality.

“The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Advocacy and collective action are also critical for creating a fairer society. By amplifying the voices of marginalized communities and promoting awareness, we can work towards systemic change. Empowering individuals to challenge injustice and promoting allyship can create a more inclusive and equitable future.

• Raise awareness about economic disparities and their impact on society.
• Advocate for policies that promote greater equality, such as affordable housing, progressive taxation, and equitable education.
• Address systemic discrimination and promote inclusivity through initiatives and collective action.
• Empower individuals to challenge injustice and promote allyship.

By addressing the root causes of economic disparities and working towards systemic change, we can create a more just and equitable society.

Unforeseen Circumstances

Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes, unforeseen circumstances can leave us feeling like we’ve been dealt an unfair hand. Whether it’s a sudden illness, a natural disaster, or an unexpected accident, life’s unjust circumstances can be challenging to navigate.

It’s essential to recognize that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed or frustrated when faced with these challenges. Processing and accepting our emotions is the first step in moving forward. Here are some strategies that can help when dealing with life’s unfairness :

• Practice self-care: Engage in activities that help you relax and boost your mood, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature.
• Reach out for support: It’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Lean on your support system, whether it’s friends, family, or a mental health professional.
• Focus on what you can control: While we can’t always control the circumstances that life throws our way, we can control our reactions and actions. Identify areas where you have agency and take proactive steps towards making positive changes.

Remember, recovering from life’s unfairness takes time. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way. With resilience and perseverance, you can overcome even the toughest of challenges.

Unfairness in Relationships

Relationships, whether personal or professional, are an integral part of our lives. However, even the most profound connections can be marred by unfairness. Unfairness in relationships can manifest in various ways, such as betrayal, unequal power dynamics, and communication breakdowns. These issues can challenge our trust, our sense of justice, and even our emotional well-being.

Unfair Power Dynamics

A power dynamic is the balance of power between two individuals in a relationship. It can be subtle or explicit, but it always shapes the nature of the relationship. When a power dynamic is unfair, it can lead to the marginalization of one individual and the amplification of the other’s influence. This can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, and mistrust.

The root of an unfair power dynamic can be due to many factors but often arises from social constructs such as gender, race, and socio-economic status. For example, a male boss may have more power and influence over a female employee, leading to unequal treatment and opportunities. Similarly, a wealthy partner may control decision-making in a relationship, leaving their less financially stable partner with limited choices.

The Impact of Betrayal

When a relationship is built on trust and honesty, betrayal can feel like the ultimate unfairness. Betrayal can take many forms, such as infidelity, lying, or breaking a promise. Even small breaches of trust can erode the foundation of a relationship over time.

When betrayal occurs, it can lead to feelings of anger, hurt, and disappointment. These emotions can take a toll on our mental and emotional well-being, making it harder to trust others in the future. Recovering from betrayal can be a long and challenging process that requires communication, empathy, and time.

Communication Breakdowns

Effective communication is crucial for healthy relationships. When communication breaks down, misunderstandings and conflicts can arise, leading to feelings of frustration and unfairness. Poor communication can also lead to unequal power dynamics, as one person may dominate conversations or dismiss the other’s feelings and needs.

To address communication breakdowns, it’s essential to practice active listening, express oneself clearly, and be open to compromise. By fostering healthy communication habits, we can build stronger, fairer relationships.

“When a relationship is built on trust and honesty, betrayal can feel like the ultimate unfairness.”

In conclusion, unfairness in relationships can take many forms and have significant consequences on our emotional well-being. Addressing these issues requires communication, empathy, and a commitment to building healthier, more equitable relationships. By recognizing the power dynamics, avoiding betrayal, and fostering open communication, we can cultivate relationships that are fair and respectful to all involved.

Discrimination and Prejudice

Discrimination and prejudice contribute to the unfairness prevalent in our world. The biases that stem from these attitudes can lead to systemic injustice, preventing individuals from accessing equal opportunities and being treated fairly.

Racial discrimination, in particular, is a significant issue in many societies. According to a report by the United Nations, people of African descent in the United States have faced ongoing racial discrimination and inequality in areas such as education, employment, and housing.

Discrimination can also be seen in gender-based biases, including the wage gap and unequal access to leadership positions in the workplace. Women and members of the LGBTQIA+ community may also experience discrimination in areas such as healthcare or housing.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

The impact of discrimination and prejudice is far-reaching, causing immense harm to individuals and communities. Therefore, it is essential to promote inclusivity and equality at all levels of society, combatting discrimination and working towards creating a world that is fair and just for all.

Unfairness in Educational Systems

Access to quality education is a fundamental right, yet not everyone has equal opportunities to benefit from it. This disparity perpetuates unfairness and contributes to life’s disparities . The root causes are complex and multifaceted, but examining these issues is crucial for ensuring a more equitable educational landscape.

Disparities in Funding and Resources

One of the primary issues contributing to unfairness in educational systems is the unequal distribution of funding and resources. Schools in low-income areas often receive less funding than those in wealthier areas, resulting in limited resources for teachers and students. This disparity can create a cycle of poverty and limit social mobility, perpetuating unfairness in society .

Furthermore, disparities in access to technology and academic resources exacerbate the divide. Students in wealthier areas often have access to the latest technology and resources, while those in low-income areas may not even have access to basic necessities like textbooks or internet connectivity. These disparities make it difficult for students to compete on an equal footing and perpetuate life’s inequities .

Disparities in Curriculum and Teaching

Another aspect that contributes to life’s disparities is the unequal treatment of different groups in the classroom. In many cases, the school curriculum fails to represent a diverse range of perspectives, excluding the experiences and contributions of marginalized groups. This lack of representation can leave some students feeling alienated and disconnected from their education, fueling disparities.

Additionally, disparities in teaching quality and approach can leave some students at a disadvantage. Teachers who lack cultural competence or fail to recognize the unique needs of individual students can perpetuate unfairness in the classroom. This can include everything from biased grading practices to failing to recognize and accommodate learning differences.

Addressing Unfairness in Educational Systems

Addressing the deep-rooted unfairness in educational systems requires a concerted effort from all stakeholders. One approach is to increase funding and resources for schools in low-income areas, ensuring that all students have access to the tools and technology needed to succeed.

Furthermore, there is a need for culturally relevant curriculum that reflects the diversity of society, along with greater training and support for teachers to recognize and respond to the unique needs of every student. By addressing these disparities, we can begin to create a more equitable educational landscape and reduce life’s inequities.

Unfairness in Legal Systems

Legal systems are meant to be fair and just, but unfortunately, this is not always the case. Biases, disparities in representation, and systemic flaws can all contribute to unjust outcomes.

A study conducted by the American Bar Association found that minorities and low-income defendants were more likely to receive harsher sentences than their wealthier and majority counterparts. This disparity highlights the need for systemic change and reform within legal systems to prevent and address unfairness.

Moreover, legal representation can also play a significant role in determining a fair outcome. Those who cannot afford quality legal representation are often left at a disadvantage and may not receive fair treatment. This further emphasizes the need for legal aid and resources to ensure that everyone has access to justice.

The Impact of Unfairness in Legal Systems

The consequences of unfairness in legal systems can be far-reaching and have a significant impact on individuals and communities. For example, wrongful convictions can lead to individuals spending years, sometimes decades, in prison for crimes they did not commit.

Moreover, ongoing systemic injustices can erode trust in legal systems and create a sense of hopelessness and disenfranchisement among those most affected.

Working Towards a Fairer Legal System

Addressing unfairness within legal systems requires systemic change and reform. This may include addressing biases, improving legal representation for those who cannot afford it, and creating more equitable sentencing guidelines.

Moreover, promoting transparency and accountability within legal systems can help rebuild trust and ensure that decision-making is more transparent and consistent.

It’s essential that we recognize and address the injustices that exist within legal systems, and work towards creating a more just and equitable society for all.

Unfairness and Mental Health

Life’s unfairness can have a profound impact on our mental well-being. The constant exposure to inequities, injustices, and unfairness can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and helplessness. It’s essential to recognize these emotions and work towards coping strategies to promote better mental health.

One strategy that can help is practicing gratitude. While it may be challenging to find things to be grateful for when life feels unfair, focusing on even small moments of positivity can help shift our mindset and improve our overall well-being. It’s essential to take time to acknowledge the good in our lives, no matter how small it may seem.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie

Another helpful strategy is seeking support from loved ones. Talking to friends, family, or a therapist can provide a space to process emotions and work towards finding solutions. It’s essential to remember that we don’t have to face unfairness alone and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Engaging in self-care activities can also be beneficial. Taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally is crucial for resilience. Activities like exercise, journaling, meditation, or hobbies can help alleviate stress, promote relaxation, and foster a sense of control.

Finally, it’s crucial to recognize when professional help is necessary. If feelings of unfairness or frustration are interfering with daily life, it’s time to seek help from a mental health professional. They can provide tools and resources to cope with emotions and work towards improving overall well-being.

Remember, life’s unfairness may be out of our control, but how we respond is within our power. By focusing on gratitude, seeking support, engaging in self-care, and seeking professional help when necessary, we can cultivate resilience and promote better mental health despite life’s unfair aspects.

Overcoming Unfairness: Empowerment and Advocacy

While life’s unfairness can leave us feeling powerless and defeated, it’s important to remember that we have agency and can work towards creating a more just world. Empowerment and advocacy are powerful tools in challenging and addressing injustice in life .

The Power of Empowerment

Feeling empowered means having a sense of control over the circumstances surrounding us. It’s about recognizing our strengths, abilities, and potential to effect change, no matter how small. Empowerment can help us move from a place of helplessness to one of agency, inspiring us to take action and work towards a fairer future.

Here are some ways to cultivate empowerment:

• Education: Learning about the issues and challenges that contribute to unfairness in life can help us understand the root causes and identify areas where we can work towards change.
• Self-care: Prioritizing self-care, such as practicing mindfulness, seeking support from loved ones, and engaging in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment, can help us build resilience and maintain a sense of agency.
• Action: Taking action, whether through volunteering, participating in protests, or advocating for change within our communities, can be empowering and help us feel a sense of purpose.

The Power of Advocacy

Advocacy involves using our voice to speak out against injustices and work towards systemic change. It’s about standing up for our beliefs and values, and advocating for those who may not have a voice. Here are some ways to engage in advocacy:

• Community involvement: Getting involved in local organizations and initiatives can provide opportunities to advocate for causes that matter to us.
• Writing and speaking out: Using social media, writing letters to elected officials, and speaking out in public forums can bring attention to important issues and help effect change.
• Supporting advocacy organizations: Donating to or volunteering with advocacy organizations can provide resources and support to those working towards a fairer future.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

As Martin Luther King Jr. recognized, injustice affects us all, and it’s up to each of us to do our part in addressing it. By cultivating empowerment and engaging in advocacy, we can work towards a world where fairness and justice prevail.

Life can be full of unfairness, whether it’s the unpredictable challenges it throws our way or the systemic injustices that plague our society. However, by acknowledging these unfair aspects of life and taking action, we can work towards a more equitable future. It starts with understanding the disparities and biases that contribute to unfairness in different areas of life, such as education, legal systems, and relationships.

Fostering Resilience and Empowerment

While we may not be able to eliminate all unfairness, we can empower ourselves and others to challenge and address it. By cultivating resilience and self-care, we can better cope with the emotional toll that unfairness can take on our mental health. Additionally, advocating for change and taking collective action can help us create a more just world.

Creating a Fairer Future

We must continue to work towards creating a world where fairness prevails. This means focusing on systemic change, such as addressing economic disparities and social inequalities. It also means being mindful of our own biases and actively working to challenge them. By fostering awareness, understanding, and taking action, we can create a more equitable future where everyone has an equal chance to thrive.

Life may not always be fair, but by working together, we can strive towards a more just world where everyone has the opportunity to succeed. Let’s continue to acknowledge and address the unfair aspects of life , and use our collective power to create positive change.

What does this article explore?

This article explores the various aspects of life that are undeniably unfair, including personal and societal contexts.

Why is life often considered unpredictable and unfair?

Life’s unpredictability can lead to situations that feel inherently unfair, as unexpected challenges and uncertainties arise.

How does society contribute to unfairness?

Society perpetuates unfairness through social inequalities based on factors such as wealth, race, gender, and social status.

How do economic disparities contribute to unfairness?

Economic disparities create a wealth gap and income inequality, limiting opportunities and leaving some at a disadvantage.

How do unforeseen circumstances introduce a sense of unfairness?

Unforeseen circumstances like illness, accidents, or natural disasters disrupt our lives and can make us feel life is unjust.

Are relationships exempt from unfairness?

No, relationships can be unfair due to issues like betrayal, manipulation, and unequal power dynamics.

How does discrimination contribute to unfairness?

Discrimination based on race, religion, gender, and other factors leads to systemic injustice and unfairness in our world.

How do educational systems perpetuate unfairness?

Disparities in education access limit opportunities and hinder social mobility, contributing to unfairness in society .

Can legal systems be unfair?

Yes, biases, disparities in representation, and systemic flaws can result in unjust outcomes within legal systems.

What is the impact of unfairness on mental health?

Unfairness can negatively impact mental health, leading to frustration, anger, and helplessness.

How can we overcome unfairness?

We can empower ourselves and others through advocacy, collective action, and fostering a sense of empowerment to challenge and address unfairness.

Baron Cooke has been writing and editing for 7 years. He grew up with an aptitude for geometry, statistics, and dimensions. He has a BA in construction management and also has studied civil infrastructure, engineering, and measurements. He is the head writer of measuringknowhow.com

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

• PRO Courses Guides New Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade Sign In
• EDIT Edit this Article
• EXPLORE Tech Help Pro About Us Random Article Quizzes Request a New Article Community Dashboard This Or That Game Popular Categories Arts and Entertainment Artwork Books Movies Computers and Electronics Computers Phone Skills Technology Hacks Health Men's Health Mental Health Women's Health Relationships Dating Love Relationship Issues Hobbies and Crafts Crafts Drawing Games Education & Communication Communication Skills Personal Development Studying Personal Care and Style Fashion Hair Care Personal Hygiene Youth Personal Care School Stuff Dating All Categories Arts and Entertainment Finance and Business Home and Garden Relationship Quizzes Cars & Other Vehicles Food and Entertaining Personal Care and Style Sports and Fitness Computers and Electronics Health Pets and Animals Travel Education & Communication Hobbies and Crafts Philosophy and Religion Work World Family Life Holidays and Traditions Relationships Youth
• Browse Articles
• Learn Something New
• Quizzes Hot
• This Or That Game
• Train Your Brain
• Explore More
• Support wikiHow
• About wikiHow
• Log in / Sign up
• Psychological Health
• Emotions and Feelings
• Disappointment

How to Deal with Life Being Unfair

Last Updated: January 29, 2023 References

This article was co-authored by Michael Stern . Michael Stern is a life coach and the owner of Integral Alignment, a coaching and training business focused on a holistic approach to optimizing one's health, work, love, play, and spirituality. Michael began his professional training in 2011 as an Integral Spiritual Mentor through One Spirit Learning Alliance, and has been certified as both a hatha yoga instructor and an Emotional Intelligence Coach through GolemanEI. In addition to his private 1:1 and groupwork, he has hosted workshops with thought leaders such as Frederic Laloux, Charles Eisenstein, and Thomas Hübl. Michael holds a BA in Spanish Language from Vanderbilt University and lives in Portland, Maine. There are 13 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 43,286 times.

Sometimes life is unfair. Assessing the cause of life’s unfair moments is the first step in dealing with life being unfair. Figuring out what you do and do not have control over, changing things that are within your power, and accepting those things you cannot change will help you move forward and realize that unfairness is unfortunately something everyone experiences.

Assessing the Situation

• Try sitting down and making a list of all possible causes of why life is unfair at this particular moment in time.

• Try making a list of all the causes of unfairness in a situation. Make a star beside each item that you do have control over.

• Consider your sense that you are in control of your life. If you tend to feel like you have little control, then you may need to work on developing a stronger sense of control.

Taking Action

• Building your confidence .
• Developing your resilience .
• Setting goals for yourself .
• Improving your problem solving skills .

• To find a counselor, first call your insurance company and find out what providers are covered by your insurance.
• Call at least three counselors who accept your insurance and ask if they are accepting new patients and what types of counseling they specialize in such as cognitive behavioral therapy or grief counseling.
• Set up an initial appointment with a counselor who fits your needs. If it doesn’t seem like a great fit after the first few visits, give someone else a try.

Accepting Unfairness as a Part of Life

• Try to focus on the positives in your life instead of dwelling on the negatives. For example, if you are having a bad day, then you might try to identify three things that have gone well, even if they are little things like having a good breakfast, listening to your favorite song on your way to school or work, or having the luxury of some quiet time to read before bed.

• Try sitting down with a journal and writing about the unfair situation in your life, why it is so awful, and what positive things you might gain from the situation.
• Ask a friend or family member to help you come up with new, more positive ways to think about the unfair situation. They might have ideas you wouldn’t think of on your own.

Expert Q&A

You Might Also Like

• ↑ Michael Stern. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 8 July 2020.
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201104/when-lifes-unfair-how-deal-fines-being-alive
• ↑ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-cope-with-the-fact-life-is-unfair-0107154
• ↑ http://www.oprah.com/spirit/When-Life-Seems-Unfair
• ↑ http://changingminds.org/explanations/preferences/locus_control.htm
• ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newCDV_90.htm
• ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-unfairness-and-change-the-things-you-can/
• ↑ http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/find-support-groups
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freudian-sip/201102/how-find-the-best-therapist-you
• ↑ http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2012/11/5-ways-to-escape-your-victim-mentality/
• ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chiyoko-osborne-/when-life-is-unfair-feed-_b_5539448.html
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-purpose/201411/happiness-life-3-practice-gratitude

About This Article

• Send fan mail to authors

Reader Success Stories

Jun 4, 2018

Did this article help you?

Featured Articles

Trending Articles

Watch Articles

• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• Do Not Sell or Share My Info
• Not Selling Info

Don’t miss out! Sign up for

wikiHow’s newsletter

Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever

Seven agonizing nights aboard the Icon of the Seas

Listen to this article

Listen to more stories on curio

Updated at 2:44 p.m. ET on April 6, 2024.

This article was featured in the One Story to Read Today newsletter. Sign up for it here .

MY FIRST GLIMPSE of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, from the window of an approaching Miami cab, brings on a feeling of vertigo, nausea, amazement, and distress. I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optic nerve to try again.

The ship makes no sense, vertically or horizontally. It makes no sense on sea, or on land, or in outer space. It looks like a hodgepodge of domes and minarets, tubes and canopies, like Istanbul had it been designed by idiots. Vibrant, oversignifying colors are stacked upon other such colors, decks perched over still more decks; the only comfort is a row of lifeboats ringing its perimeter. There is no imposed order, no cogent thought, and, for those who do not harbor a totalitarian sense of gigantomania, no visual mercy. This is the biggest cruise ship ever built, and I have been tasked with witnessing its inaugural voyage.

Explore the May 2024 Issue

Check out more from this issue and find your next story to read.

“Author embarks on their first cruise-ship voyage” has been a staple of American essay writing for almost three decades, beginning with David Foster Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” which was first published in 1996 under the title “Shipping Out.” Since then, many admirable writers have widened and diversified the genre. Usually the essayist commissioned to take to the sea is in their first or second flush of youth and is ready to sharpen their wit against the hull of the offending vessel. I am 51, old and tired, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” But the Icon of the Seas will not countenance a shrug. The Icon of the Seas is the Linda Loman of cruise ships, exclaiming that attention must be paid. And here I am in late January with my one piece of luggage and useless gray winter jacket and passport, zipping through the Port of Miami en route to the gangway that will separate me from the bulk of North America for more than seven days, ready to pay it in full.

The aforementioned gangway opens up directly onto a thriving mall (I will soon learn it is imperiously called the “Royal Promenade”), presently filled with yapping passengers beneath a ceiling studded with balloons ready to drop. Crew members from every part of the global South, as well as a few Balkans, are shepherding us along while pressing flutes of champagne into our hands. By a humming Starbucks, I drink as many of these as I can and prepare to find my cabin. I show my blue Suite Sky SeaPass Card (more on this later, much more) to a smiling woman from the Philippines, and she tells me to go “aft.” Which is where, now? As someone who has rarely sailed on a vessel grander than the Staten Island Ferry, I am confused. It turns out that the aft is the stern of the ship, or, for those of us who don’t know what a stern or an aft are, its ass. The nose of the ship, responsible for separating the waves before it, is also called a bow, and is marked for passengers as the FWD , or forward. The part of the contemporary sailing vessel where the malls are clustered is called the midship. I trust that you have enjoyed this nautical lesson.

I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall. This mall is the one that’s called Central Park, perhaps in homage to the Olmsted-designed bit of greenery in the middle of my hometown. Although on land I would be delighted to own a suite with Central Park views, here I am deeply depressed. To sail on a ship and not wake up to a vast blue carpet of ocean? Unthinkable.

Allow me a brief preamble here. The story you are reading was commissioned at a moment when most staterooms on the Icon were sold out. In fact, so enthralled by the prospect of this voyage were hard-core mariners that the ship’s entire inventory of guest rooms (the Icon can accommodate up to 7,600 passengers, but its inaugural journey was reduced to 5,000 or so for a less crowded experience) was almost immediately sold out. Hence, this publication was faced with the shocking prospect of paying nearly $19,000 to procure for this solitary passenger an entire suite—not including drinking expenses—all for the privilege of bringing you this article. But the suite in question doesn’t even have a view of the ocean! I sit down hard on my soft bed. Nineteen thousand dollars for this .

The viewless suite does have its pluses. In addition to all the Malin+Goetz products in my dual bathrooms, I am granted use of a dedicated Suite Deck lounge; access to Coastal Kitchen, a superior restaurant for Suites passengers; complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream (“the fastest Internet at Sea”) “for one device per person for the whole cruise duration”; a pair of bathrobes (one of which comes prestained with what looks like a large expectoration by the greenest lizard on Earth); and use of the Grove Suite Sun, an area on Decks 18 and 19 with food and deck chairs reserved exclusively for Suite passengers. I also get reserved seating for a performance of The Wizard of Oz , an ice-skating tribute to the periodic table, and similar provocations. The very color of my Suite Sky SeaPass Card, an oceanic blue as opposed to the cloying royal purple of the standard non-Suite passenger, will soon provoke envy and admiration. But as high as my status may be, there are those on board who have much higher status still, and I will soon learn to bow before them.

In preparation for sailing, I have “priced in,” as they say on Wall Street, the possibility that I may come from a somewhat different monde than many of the other cruisers. Without falling into stereotypes or preconceptions, I prepare myself for a friendly outspokenness on the part of my fellow seafarers that may not comply with modern DEI standards. I believe in meeting people halfway, and so the day before flying down to Miami, I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.

I put on my meatball T-shirt and head for one of the dining rooms to get a late lunch. In the elevator, I stick out my chest for all to read the funny legend upon it, but soon I realize that despite its burnished tricolor letters, no one takes note. More to the point, no one takes note of me. Despite my attempts at bridge building, the very sight of me (small, ethnic, without a cap bearing the name of a football team) elicits no reaction from other passengers. Most often, they will small-talk over me as if I don’t exist. This brings to mind the travails of David Foster Wallace , who felt so ostracized by his fellow passengers that he retreated to his cabin for much of his voyage. And Wallace was raised primarily in the Midwest and was a much larger, more American-looking meatball than I am. If he couldn’t talk to these people, how will I? What if I leave this ship without making any friends at all, despite my T-shirt? I am a social creature, and the prospect of seven days alone and apart is saddening. Wallace’s stateroom, at least, had a view of the ocean, a kind of cheap eternity.

Worse awaits me in the dining room. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos ,” he seems to be saying. I push back politely and he repeats himself. Pendejos ? Piranhas? There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned. Meanwhile elderly passengers stream right past, powered by their limbs, walkers, and electric wheelchairs. “It is only pendejo dining today, sir.” “But I have a suite!” I say, already starting to catch on to the ship’s class system. He examines my card again. “But you are not a pendejo ,” he confirms. I am wearing a DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL T-shirt, I want to say to him. I am the essence of pendejo .

Eventually, I give up and head to the plebeian buffet on Deck 15, which has an aquatic-styled name I have now forgotten. Before gaining entry to this endless cornucopia of reheated food, one passes a washing station of many sinks and soap dispensers, and perhaps the most intriguing character on the entire ship. He is Mr. Washy Washy—or, according to his name tag, Nielbert of the Philippines—and he is dressed as a taco (on other occasions, I’ll see him dressed as a burger). Mr. Washy Washy performs an eponymous song in spirited, indeed flamboyant English: “Washy, washy, wash your hands, WASHY WASHY!” The dangers of norovirus and COVID on a cruise ship this size (a giant fellow ship was stricken with the former right after my voyage) makes Mr. Washy Washy an essential member of the crew. The problem lies with the food at the end of Washy’s rainbow. The buffet is groaning with what sounds like sophisticated dishes—marinated octopus, boiled egg with anchovy, chorizo, lobster claws—but every animal tastes tragically the same, as if there was only one creature available at the market, a “cruisipus” bred specifically for Royal Caribbean dining. The “vegetables” are no better. I pick up a tomato slice and look right through it. It tastes like cellophane. I sit alone, apart from the couples and parents with gaggles of children, as “We Are Family” echoes across the buffet space.

I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us. We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. I am on Deck 15, outside the buffet and overlooking a bunch of pools (the Icon has seven of them), drinking a frilly drink that I got from one of the bars (the Icon has 15 of them), still too shy to speak to anyone, despite Sister Sledge’s assertion that all on the ship are somehow related.

Kim Brooks: On failing the family vacation

The ship’s passage away from Ron DeSantis’s Florida provides no frisson, no sense of developing “sea legs,” as the ship is too large to register the presence of waves unless a mighty wind adds significant chop. It is time for me to register the presence of the 5,000 passengers around me, even if they refuse to register mine. My fellow travelers have prepared for this trip with personally decorated T-shirts celebrating the importance of this voyage. The simplest ones say ICON INAUGURAL ’24 on the back and the family name on the front. Others attest to an over-the-top love of cruise ships: WARNING! MAY START TALKING ABOUT CRUISING . Still others are artisanally designed and celebrate lifetimes spent married while cruising (on ships, of course). A couple possibly in their 90s are wearing shirts whose backs feature a drawing of a cruise liner, two flamingos with ostensibly male and female characteristics, and the legend “ HUSBAND AND WIFE Cruising Partners FOR LIFE WE MAY NOT HAVE IT All Together BUT TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL .” (The words not in all caps have been written in cursive.) A real journalist or a more intrepid conversationalist would have gone up to the couple and asked them to explain the longevity of their marriage vis-à-vis their love of cruising. But instead I head to my mall suite, take off my meatball T-shirt, and allow the first tears of the cruise to roll down my cheeks slowly enough that I briefly fall asleep amid the moisture and salt.

I WAKE UP with a hangover. Oh God. Right. I cannot believe all of that happened last night. A name floats into my cobwebbed, nauseated brain: “Ayn Rand.” Jesus Christ.

I breakfast alone at the Coastal Kitchen. The coffee tastes fine and the eggs came out of a bird. The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.

I had a dangerous conversation last night. After the sun set and we were at least 50 miles from shore (most modern cruise ships sail at about 23 miles an hour), I lay in bed softly hiccupping, my arms stretched out exactly like Jesus on the cross, the sound of the distant waves missing from my mall-facing suite, replaced by the hum of air-conditioning and children shouting in Spanish through the vents of my two bathrooms. I decided this passivity was unacceptable. As an immigrant, I feel duty-bound to complete the tasks I am paid for, which means reaching out and trying to understand my fellow cruisers. So I put on a normal James Perse T-shirt and headed for one of the bars on the Royal Promenade—the Schooner Bar, it was called, if memory serves correctly.

I sat at the bar for a martini and two Negronis. An old man with thick, hairy forearms drank next to me, very silent and Hemingwaylike, while a dreadlocked piano player tinkled out a series of excellent Elton John covers. To my right, a young white couple—he in floral shorts, she in a light, summery miniskirt with a fearsome diamond ring, neither of them in football regalia—chatted with an elderly couple. Do it , I commanded myself. Open your mouth. Speak! Speak without being spoken to. Initiate. A sentence fragment caught my ear from the young woman, “Cherry Hill.” This is a suburb of Philadelphia in New Jersey, and I had once been there for a reading at a synagogue. “Excuse me,” I said gently to her. “Did you just mention Cherry Hill? It’s a lovely place.”

As it turned out, the couple now lived in Fort Lauderdale (the number of Floridians on the cruise surprised me, given that Southern Florida is itself a kind of cruise ship, albeit one slowly sinking), but soon they were talking with me exclusively—the man potbellied, with a chin like a hard-boiled egg; the woman as svelte as if she were one of the many Ukrainian members of the crew—the elderly couple next to them forgotten. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

“I don’t want to talk politics,” the man said. “But they’re going to eighty-six Biden and put Michelle in.”

I considered the contradictions of his opening conversational gambit, but decided to play along. “People like Michelle,” I said, testing the waters. The husband sneered, but the wife charitably put forward that the former first lady was “more personable” than Joe Biden. “They’re gonna eighty-six Biden,” the husband repeated. “He can’t put a sentence together.”

After I mentioned that I was a writer—though I presented myself as a writer of teleplays instead of novels and articles such as this one—the husband told me his favorite writer was Ayn Rand. “Ayn Rand, she came here with nothing,” the husband said. “I work with a lot of Cubans, so …” I wondered if I should mention what I usually do to ingratiate myself with Republicans or libertarians: the fact that my finances improved after pass-through corporations were taxed differently under Donald Trump. Instead, I ordered another drink and the couple did the same, and I told him that Rand and I were born in the same city, St. Petersburg/Leningrad, and that my family also came here with nothing. Now the bonding and drinking began in earnest, and several more rounds appeared. Until it all fell apart.

Read: Gary Shteyngart on watching Russian television for five days straight

My new friend, whom I will refer to as Ayn, called out to a buddy of his across the bar, and suddenly a young couple, both covered in tattoos, appeared next to us. “He fucking punked me,” Ayn’s frat-boy-like friend called out as he put his arm around Ayn, while his sizable partner sizzled up to Mrs. Rand. Both of them had a look I have never seen on land—their eyes projecting absence and enmity in equal measure. In the ’90s, I drank with Russian soldiers fresh from Chechnya and wandered the streets of wartime Zagreb, but I have never seen such undisguised hostility toward both me and perhaps the universe at large. I was briefly introduced to this psychopathic pair, but neither of them wanted to have anything to do with me, and the tattooed woman would not even reveal her Christian name to me (she pretended to have the same first name as Mrs. Rand). To impress his tattooed friends, Ayn made fun of the fact that as a television writer, I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched), instead of the far more palatable, in his eyes, zombie drama of last year. And then my new friends drifted away from me into an angry private conversation—“He punked me!”—as I ordered another drink for myself, scared of the dead-eyed arrivals whose gaze never registered in the dim wattage of the Schooner Bar, whose terrifying voices and hollow laughs grated like unoiled gears against the crooning of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

But today is a new day for me and my hangover. After breakfast, I explore the ship’s so-called neighborhoods . There’s the AquaDome, where one can find a food hall and an acrobatic sound-and-light aquatic show. Central Park has a premium steak house, a sushi joint, and a used Rolex that can be bought for $8,000 on land here proudly offered at $17,000. There’s the aforementioned Royal Promenade, where I had drunk with the Rands, and where a pair of dueling pianos duel well into the night. There’s Surfside, a kids’ neighborhood full of sugary garbage, which looks out onto the frothy trail that the behemoth leaves behind itself. Thrill Island refers to the collection of tubes that clutter the ass of the ship and offer passengers six waterslides and a surfing simulation. There’s the Hideaway, an adult zone that plays music from a vomit-slathered, Brit-filled Alicante nightclub circa 1996 and proves a big favorite with groups of young Latin American customers. And, most hurtfully, there’s the Suite Neighborhood.

I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED . No one here needs to announce their branch of service or rank; they are simply Suites, and this is where they belong. Once again, despite my hard work and perseverance, I have been disallowed from the true American elite. Once again, I am “Not our class, dear.” I am reminded of watching The Love Boat on my grandmother’s Zenith, which either was given to her or we found in the trash (I get our many malfunctioning Zeniths confused) and whose tube got so hot, I would put little chunks of government cheese on a thin tissue atop it to give our welfare treat a pleasant, Reagan-era gooeyness. I could not understand English well enough then to catch the nuances of that seafaring program, but I knew that there were differences in the status of the passengers, and that sometimes those differences made them sad. Still, this ship, this plenty—every few steps, there are complimentary nachos or milkshakes or gyros on offer—was the fatty fuel of my childhood dreams. If only I had remained a child.

I walk around the outdoor decks looking for company. There is a middle-aged African American couple who always seem to be asleep in each other’s arms, probably exhausted from the late capitalism they regularly encounter on land. There is far more diversity on this ship than I expected. Many couples are a testament to Loving v. Virginia , and there is a large group of folks whose T-shirts read MELANIN AT SEA / IT’S THE MELANIN FOR ME . I smile when I see them, but then some young kids from the group makes Mr. Washy Washy do a cruel, caricatured “Burger Dance” (today he is in his burger getup), and I think, Well, so much for intersectionality .

At the infinity pool on Deck 17, I spot some elderly women who could be ethnic and from my part of the world, and so I jump in. I am proved correct! Many of them seem to be originally from Queens (“Corona was still great when it was all Italian”), though they are now spread across the tristate area. We bond over the way “Ron-kon-koma” sounds when announced in Penn Station.

“Everyone is here for a different reason,” one of them tells me. She and her ex-husband last sailed together four years ago to prove to themselves that their marriage was truly over. Her 15-year-old son lost his virginity to “an Irish young lady” while their ship was moored in Ravenna, Italy. The gaggle of old-timers competes to tell me their favorite cruising stories and tips. “A guy proposed in Central Park a couple of years ago”—many Royal Caribbean ships apparently have this ridiculous communal area—“and she ran away screaming!” “If you’re diamond-class, you get four drinks for free.” “A different kind of passenger sails out of Bayonne.” (This, perhaps, is racially coded.) “Sometimes, if you tip the bartender $5, your next drink will be free.”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason,” the woman whose marriage ended on a cruise tells me again. “Some people are here for bad reasons—the drinkers and the gamblers. Some people are here for medical reasons.” I have seen more than a few oxygen tanks and at least one woman clearly undergoing very serious chemo. Some T-shirts celebrate good news about a cancer diagnosis. This might be someone’s last cruise or week on Earth. For these women, who have spent months, if not years, at sea, cruising is a ritual as well as a life cycle: first love, last love, marriage, divorce, death.

Read: The last place on Earth any tourist should go

I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication. As I approach my orphaned suite, I run into the aggro young people who stole Mr. and Mrs. Rand away from me the night before. The tattooed apparitions pass me without a glance. She is singing something violent about “Stuttering Stanley” (a character in a popular horror movie, as I discover with my complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream Internet at Sea) and he’s loudly shouting about “all the money I’ve lost,” presumably at the casino in the bowels of the ship.

So these bent psychos out of a Cormac McCarthy novel are angrily inhabiting my deck. As I mewl myself to sleep, I envision a limited series for HBO or some other streamer, a kind of low-rent White Lotus , where several aggressive couples conspire to throw a shy intellectual interloper overboard. I type the scenario into my phone. As I fall asleep, I think of what the woman who recently divorced her husband and whose son became a man through the good offices of the Irish Republic told me while I was hoisting myself out of the infinity pool. “I’m here because I’m an explorer. I’m here because I’m trying something new.” What if I allowed myself to believe in her fantasy?

“YOU REALLY STARTED AT THE TOP,” they tell me. I’m at the Coastal Kitchen for my eggs and corned-beef hash, and the maître d’ has slotted me in between two couples. Fueled by coffee or perhaps intrigued by my relative youth, they strike up a conversation with me. As always, people are shocked that this is my first cruise. They contrast the Icon favorably with all the preceding liners in the Royal Caribbean fleet, usually commenting on the efficiency of the elevators that hurl us from deck to deck (as in many large corporate buildings, the elevators ask you to choose a floor and then direct you to one of many lifts). The couple to my right, from Palo Alto—he refers to his “porn mustache” and calls his wife “my cougar” because she is two years older—tell me they are “Pandemic Pinnacles.”

This is the day that my eyes will be opened. Pinnacles , it is explained to me over translucent cantaloupe, have sailed with Royal Caribbean for 700 ungodly nights. Pandemic Pinnacles took advantage of the two-for-one accrual rate of Pinnacle points during the pandemic, when sailing on a cruise ship was even more ill-advised, to catapult themselves into Pinnacle status.

Because of the importance of the inaugural voyage of the world’s largest cruise liner, more than 200 Pinnacles are on this ship, a startling number, it seems. Mrs. Palo Alto takes out a golden badge that I have seen affixed over many a breast, which reads CROWN AND ANCHOR SOCIETY along with her name. This is the coveted badge of the Pinnacle. “You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash.

“We’re just baby Pinnacles,” Mrs. Palo Alto tells me, describing a kind of internal class struggle among the Pinnacle elite for ever higher status.

And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise. He wasn’t saying “ pendejo .” He was saying “Pinnacle.” The dining room was for Pinnacles only, all those older people rolling in like the tide on their motorized scooters.

And now I understand something else: This whole thing is a cult. And like most cults, it can’t help but mirror the endless American fight for status. Like Keith Raniere’s NXIVM, where different-colored sashes were given out to connote rank among Raniere’s branded acolytes, this is an endless competition among Pinnacles, Suites, Diamond-Plusers, and facing-the-mall, no-balcony purple SeaPass Card peasants, not to mention the many distinctions within each category. The more you cruise, the higher your status. No wonder a section of the Royal Promenade is devoted to getting passengers to book their next cruise during the one they should be enjoying now. No wonder desperate Royal Caribbean offers (“FINAL HOURS”) crowded my email account weeks before I set sail. No wonder the ship’s jewelry store, the Royal Bling, is selling a $100,000 golden chalice that will entitle its owner to drink free on Royal Caribbean cruises for life. (One passenger was already gaming out whether her 28-year-old son was young enough to “just about earn out” on the chalice or if that ship had sailed.) No wonder this ship was sold out months before departure , and we had to pay $19,000 for a horrid suite away from the Suite Neighborhood. No wonder the most mythical hero of Royal Caribbean lore is someone named Super Mario, who has cruised so often, he now has his own working desk on many ships. This whole experience is part cult, part nautical pyramid scheme.

From the June 2014 issue: Ship of wonks

“The toilets are amazing,” the Palo Altos are telling me. “One flush and you’re done.” “They don’t understand how energy-efficient these ships are,” the husband of the other couple is telling me. “They got the LNG”—liquefied natural gas, which is supposed to make the Icon a boon to the environment (a concept widely disputed and sometimes ridiculed by environmentalists).

But I’m thinking along a different line of attack as I spear my last pallid slice of melon. For my streaming limited series, a Pinnacle would have to get killed by either an outright peasant or a Suite without an ocean view. I tell my breakfast companions my idea.

“Oh, for sure a Pinnacle would have to be killed,” Mr. Palo Alto, the Pandemic Pinnacle, says, touching his porn mustache thoughtfully as his wife nods.

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S your time, buddy!” Hubert, my fun-loving Panamanian cabin attendant, shouts as I step out of my suite in a robe. “Take it easy, buddy!”

I have come up with a new dressing strategy. Instead of trying to impress with my choice of T-shirts, I have decided to start wearing a robe, as one does at a resort property on land, with a proper spa and hammam. The response among my fellow cruisers has been ecstatic. “Look at you in the robe!” Mr. Rand cries out as we pass each other by the Thrill Island aqua park. “You’re living the cruise life! You know, you really drank me under the table that night.” I laugh as we part ways, but my soul cries out, Please spend more time with me, Mr. and Mrs. Rand; I so need the company .

In my white robe, I am a stately presence, a refugee from a better limited series, a one-man crossover episode. (Only Suites are granted these robes to begin with.) Today, I will try many of the activities these ships have on offer to provide their clientele with a sense of never-ceasing motion. Because I am already at Thrill Island, I decide to climb the staircase to what looks like a mast on an old-fashioned ship (terrified, because I am afraid of heights) to try a ride called “Storm Chasers,” which is part of the “Category 6” water park, named in honor of one of the storms that may someday do away with the Port of Miami entirely. Storm Chasers consists of falling from the “mast” down a long, twisting neon tube filled with water, like being the camera inside your own colonoscopy, as you hold on to the handles of a mat, hoping not to die. The tube then flops you down headfirst into a trough of water, a Royal Caribbean baptism. It both knocks my breath out and makes me sad.

In keeping with the aquatic theme, I attend a show at the AquaDome. To the sound of “Live and Let Die,” a man in a harness gyrates to and fro in the sultry air. I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. Ja , I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting , natürlich . But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts . If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.

I go to the ice show, which is a kind of homage—if that’s possible—to the periodic table, done with the style and pomp and masterful precision that would please the likes of Kim Jong Un, if only he could afford Royal Caribbean talent. At one point, the dancers skate to the theme song of Succession . “See that!” I want to say to my fellow Suites—at “cultural” events, we have a special section reserved for us away from the commoners—“ Succession ! It’s even better than the zombie show! Open your minds!”

Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life. “I’ve lived on ships for 20 years,” one of the middle-aged comedians says. “I can only see so many Filipino homosexuals dressed as a taco.” He pauses while the audience laughs. “I am so fired tonight,” he says. He segues into a Trump impression and then Biden falling asleep at the microphone, which gets the most laughs. “Anyone here from Fort Leonard Wood?” another comedian asks. Half the crowd seems to cheer. As I fall asleep that night, I realize another connection I have failed to make, and one that may explain some of the diversity on this vessel—many of its passengers have served in the military.

As a coddled passenger with a suite, I feel like I am starting to understand what it means to have a rank and be constantly reminded of it. There are many espresso makers , I think as I look across the expanse of my officer-grade quarters before closing my eyes, but this one is mine .

A shocking sight greets me beyond the pools of Deck 17 as I saunter over to the Coastal Kitchen for my morning intake of slightly sour Americanos. A tiny city beneath a series of perfectly pressed green mountains. Land! We have docked for a brief respite in Basseterre, the capital of St. Kitts and Nevis. I wolf down my egg scramble to be one of the first passengers off the ship. Once past the gangway, I barely refrain from kissing the ground. I rush into the sights and sounds of this scruffy island city, sampling incredible conch curry and buckets of non-Starbucks coffee. How wonderful it is to be where God intended humans to be: on land. After all, I am neither a fish nor a mall rat. This is my natural environment. Basseterre may not be Havana, but there are signs of human ingenuity and desire everywhere you look. The Black Table Grill Has been Relocated to Soho Village, Market Street, Directly Behind of, Gary’s Fruits and Flower Shop. Signed. THE PORK MAN reads a sign stuck to a wall. Now, that is how you write a sign. A real sign, not the come-ons for overpriced Rolexes that blink across the screens of the Royal Promenade.

“Hey, tie your shoestring!” a pair of laughing ladies shout to me across the street.

“Thank you!” I shout back. Shoestring! “Thank you very much.”

A man in Independence Square Park comes by and asks if I want to play with his monkey. I haven’t heard that pickup line since the Penn Station of the 1980s. But then he pulls a real monkey out of a bag. The monkey is wearing a diaper and looks insane. Wonderful , I think, just wonderful! There is so much life here. I email my editor asking if I can remain on St. Kitts and allow the Icon to sail off into the horizon without me. I have even priced a flight home at less than $300, and I have enough material from the first four days on the cruise to write the entire story. “It would be funny …” my editor replies. “Now get on the boat.”

As I slink back to the ship after my brief jailbreak, the locals stand under umbrellas to gaze at and photograph the boat that towers over their small capital city. The limousines of the prime minister and his lackeys are parked beside the gangway. St. Kitts, I’ve been told, is one of the few islands that would allow a ship of this size to dock.

“We hear about all the waterslides,” a sweet young server in one of the cafés told me. “We wish we could go on the ship, but we have to work.”

“I want to stay on your island,” I replied. “I love it here.”

But she didn’t understand how I could possibly mean that.

“WASHY, WASHY, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. I heard a southern couple skip the buffet entirely out of fear of Mr. Washy Washy.

Meanwhile, I have found a new watering hole for myself, the Swim & Tonic, the biggest swim-up bar on any cruise ship in the world. Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.

Today I’ve befriended a bald man with many children who tells me that all of the little trinkets that Royal Caribbean has left us in our staterooms and suites are worth a fortune on eBay. “Eighty dollars for the water bottle, 60 for the lanyard,” the man says. “This is a cult.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. There is, however, a clientele for whom this cruise makes perfect sense. For a large middle-class family (he works in “supply chains”), seven days in a lower-tier cabin—which starts at $1,800 a person—allow the parents to drop off their children in Surfside, where I imagine many young Filipina crew members will take care of them, while the parents are free to get drunk at a swim-up bar and maybe even get intimate in their cabin. Cruise ships have become, for a certain kind of hardworking family, a form of subsidized child care.

There is another man I would like to befriend at the Swim & Tonic, a tall, bald fellow who is perpetually inebriated and who wears a necklace studded with little rubber duckies in sunglasses, which, I am told, is a sort of secret handshake for cruise aficionados. Tomorrow, I will spend more time with him, but first the ship docks at St. Thomas, in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Charlotte Amalie, the capital, is more charming in name than in presence, but I still all but jump off the ship to score a juicy oxtail and plantains at the well-known Petite Pump Room, overlooking the harbor. From one of the highest points in the small city, the Icon of the Seas appears bigger than the surrounding hills.

I usually tan very evenly, but something about the discombobulation of life at sea makes me forget the regular application of sunscreen. As I walk down the streets of Charlotte Amalie in my fluorescent Icon of the Seas cap, an old Rastafarian stares me down. “Redneck,” he hisses.

“No,” I want to tell him, as I bring a hand up to my red neck, “that’s not who I am at all. On my island, Mannahatta, as Whitman would have it, I am an interesting person living within an engaging artistic milieu. I do not wish to use the Caribbean as a dumping ground for the cruise-ship industry. I love the work of Derek Walcott. You don’t understand. I am not a redneck. And if I am, they did this to me.” They meaning Royal Caribbean? Its passengers? The Rands?

“They did this to me!”

Back on the Icon, some older matrons are muttering about a run-in with passengers from the Celebrity cruise ship docked next to us, the Celebrity Apex. Although Celebrity Cruises is also owned by Royal Caribbean, I am made to understand that there is a deep fratricidal beef between passengers of the two lines. “We met a woman from the Apex,” one matron says, “and she says it was a small ship and there was nothing to do. Her face was as tight as a 19-year-old’s, she had so much surgery.” With those words, and beneath a cloudy sky, humidity shrouding our weathered faces and red necks, we set sail once again, hopefully in the direction of home.

THERE ARE BARELY 48 HOURS LEFT to the cruise, and the Icon of the Seas’ passengers are salty. They know how to work the elevators. They know the Washy Washy song by heart. They understand that the chicken gyro at “Feta Mediterranean,” in the AquaDome Market, is the least problematic form of chicken on the ship.

The passengers have shed their INAUGURAL CRUISE T-shirts and are now starting to evince political opinions. There are caps pledging to make America great again and T-shirts that celebrate words sometimes attributed to Patrick Henry: “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” With their preponderance of FAMILY FLAG FAITH FRIENDS FIREARMS T-shirts, the tables by the crepe station sometimes resemble the Capitol Rotunda on January 6. The Real Anthony Fauci , by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appears to be a popular form of literature, especially among young men with very complicated versions of the American flag on their T-shirts. Other opinions blend the personal and the political. “Someone needs to kill Washy guy, right?” a well-dressed man in the elevator tells me, his gray eyes radiating nothing. “Just beat him to death. Am I right?” I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.

I visit the Royal Bling to see up close the $100,000 golden chalice that entitles you to free drinks on Royal Caribbean forever. The pleasant Serbian saleslady explains that the chalice is actually gold-plated and covered in white zirconia instead of diamonds, as it would otherwise cost $1 million. “If you already have everything,” she explains, “this is one more thing you can get.”

I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day. A waiter from New Delhi tells me that his contract is six months and three weeks long. After a cruise ends, he says, “in a few hours, we start again for the next cruise.” At the end of the half a year at sea, he is allowed a two-to-three-month stay at home with his family. As of 2019, the median income for crew members was somewhere in the vicinity of $20,000, according to a major business publication. Royal Caribbean would not share the current median salary for its crew members, but I am certain that it amounts to a fraction of the cost of a Royal Bling gold-plated, zirconia-studded chalice.

And because most of the Icon’s hyper-sanitized spaces are just a frittata away from being a Delta lounge, one forgets that there are actual sailors on this ship, charged with the herculean task of docking it in port. “Having driven 100,000-ton aircraft carriers throughout my career,” retired Admiral James G. Stavridis, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe, writes to me, “I’m not sure I would even know where to begin with trying to control a sea monster like this one nearly three times the size.” (I first met Stavridis while touring Army bases in Germany more than a decade ago.)

Today, I decide to head to the hot tub near Swim & Tonic, where some of the ship’s drunkest reprobates seem to gather (the other tubs are filled with families and couples). The talk here, like everywhere else on the ship, concerns football, a sport about which I know nothing. It is apparent that four teams have recently competed in some kind of finals for the year, and that two of them will now face off in the championship. Often when people on the Icon speak, I will try to repeat the last thing they said with a laugh or a nod of disbelief. “Yes, 20-yard line! Ha!” “Oh my God, of course, scrimmage.”

Soon we are joined in the hot tub by the late-middle-age drunk guy with the duck necklace. He is wearing a bucket hat with the legend HAWKEYES , which, I soon gather, is yet another football team. “All right, who turned me in?” Duck Necklace says as he plops into the tub beside us. “I get a call in the morning,” he says. “It’s security. Can you come down to the dining room by 10 a.m.? You need to stay away from the members of this religious family.” Apparently, the gregarious Duck Necklace had photobombed the wrong people. There are several families who present as evangelical Christians or practicing Muslims on the ship. One man, evidently, was not happy that Duck Necklace had made contact with his relatives. “It’s because of religious stuff; he was offended. I put my arm around 20 people a day.”

Everyone laughs. “They asked me three times if I needed medication,” he says of the security people who apparently interrogated him in full view of others having breakfast.

Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. “I’m 62 and I’m ready to go,” he says. “I just don’t want a shark to eat me. I’m a huge God guy. I’m a Bible guy. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

“I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

THE OCEAN IS TEEMING with fascinating life, but on the surface it has little to teach us. The waves come and go. The horizon remains ever far away.

I am constantly told by my fellow passengers that “everybody here has a story.” Yes, I want to reply, but everybody everywhere has a story. You, the reader of this essay, have a story, and yet you’re not inclined to jump on a cruise ship and, like Duck Necklace, tell your story to others at great pitch and volume. Maybe what they’re saying is that everybody on this ship wants to have a bigger, more coherent, more interesting story than the one they’ve been given. Maybe that’s why there’s so much signage on the doors around me attesting to marriages spent on the sea. Maybe that’s why the Royal Caribbean newsletter slipped under my door tells me that “this isn’t a vacation day spent—it’s bragging rights earned.” Maybe that’s why I’m so lonely.

Today is a big day for Icon passengers. Today the ship docks at Royal Caribbean’s own Bahamian island, the Perfect Day at CocoCay. (This appears to be the actual name of the island.) A comedian at the nightclub opined on what his perfect day at CocoCay would look like—receiving oral sex while learning that his ex-wife had been killed in a car crash (big laughter). But the reality of the island is far less humorous than that.

One of the ethnic tristate ladies in the infinity pool told me that she loved CocoCay because it had exactly the same things that could be found on the ship itself. This proves to be correct. It is like the Icon, but with sand. The same tired burgers, the same colorful tubes conveying children and water from Point A to B. The same swim-up bar at its Hideaway ($140 for admittance, no children allowed; Royal Caribbean must be printing money off its clientele). “There was almost a fight at The Wizard of Oz ,” I overhear an elderly woman tell her companion on a chaise lounge. Apparently one of the passengers began recording Royal Caribbean’s intellectual property and “three guys came after him.”

I walk down a pathway to the center of the island, where a sign reads DO NOT ENTER: YOU HAVE REACHED THE BOUNDARY OF ADVENTURE . I hear an animal scampering in the bushes. A Royal Caribbean worker in an enormous golf cart soon chases me down and takes me back to the Hideaway, where I run into Mrs. Rand in a bikini. She becomes livid telling me about an altercation she had the other day with a woman over a towel and a deck chair. We Suites have special towel privileges; we do not have to hand over our SeaPass Card to score a towel. But the Rands are not Suites. “People are so entitled here,” Mrs. Rand says. “It’s like the airport with all its classes.” “You see,” I want to say, “this is where your husband’s love of Ayn Rand runs into the cruelties and arbitrary indignities of unbridled capitalism.” Instead we make plans to meet for a final drink in the Schooner Bar tonight (the Rands will stand me up).

Back on the ship, I try to do laps, but the pool (the largest on any cruise ship, naturally) is fully trashed with the detritus of American life: candy wrappers, a slowly dissolving tortilla chip, napkins. I take an extra-long shower in my suite, then walk around the perimeter of the ship on a kind of exercise track, past all the alluring lifeboats in their yellow-and-white livery. Maybe there is a dystopian angle to the HBO series that I will surely end up pitching, one with shades of WALL-E or Snowpiercer . In a collapsed world, a Royal Caribbean–like cruise liner sails from port to port, collecting new shipmates and supplies in exchange for the precious energy it has on board. (The actual Icon features a new technology that converts passengers’ poop into enough energy to power the waterslides . In the series, this shitty technology would be greatly expanded.) A very young woman (18? 19?), smart and lonely, who has only known life on the ship, walks along the same track as I do now, contemplating jumping off into the surf left by its wake. I picture reusing Duck Necklace’s words in the opening shot of the pilot. The girl is walking around the track, her eyes on the horizon; maybe she’s highborn—a Suite—and we hear the voice-over: “I’m 19 and I’m ready to go. I just don’t want a shark to eat me.”

Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup. He has dreams, as an artist and a performer, but they are limited in scope. One day he wants to dress up as a piece of bacon for the morning shift.

THE MAIDEN VOYAGE OF THE TITANIC (the Icon of the Seas is five times as large as that doomed vessel) at least offered its passengers an exciting ending to their cruise, but when I wake up on the eighth day, all I see are the gray ghosts that populate Miami’s condo skyline. Throughout my voyage, my writer friends wrote in to commiserate with me. Sloane Crosley, who once covered a three-day spa mini-cruise for Vogue , tells me she felt “so very alone … I found it very untethering.” Gideon Lewis-Kraus writes in an Instagram comment: “When Gary is done I think it’s time this genre was taken out back and shot.” And he is right. To badly paraphrase Adorno: After this, no more cruise stories. It is unfair to put a thinking person on a cruise ship. Writers typically have difficult childhoods, and it is cruel to remind them of the inherent loneliness that drove them to writing in the first place. It is also unseemly to write about the kind of people who go on cruises. Our country does not provide the education and upbringing that allow its citizens an interior life. For the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.

A day or two before I got off the ship, I decided to make use of my balcony, which I had avoided because I thought the view would only depress me further. What I found shocked me. My suite did not look out on Central Park after all. This entire time, I had been living in the ship’s Disneyland, Surfside, the neighborhood full of screaming toddlers consuming milkshakes and candy. And as I leaned out over my balcony, I beheld a slight vista of the sea and surf that I thought I had been missing. It had been there all along. The sea was frothy and infinite and blue-green beneath the span of a seagull’s wing. And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained.

This article appears in the May 2024 print edition with the headline “A Meatball at Sea.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.

How to Deal With Unfairness

Override your gut reactions before you make matters worse..

Posted August 17, 2011 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

Have you ever had a knee-jerk reaction to someone who cuts in front of you on the road (or should I say a mouth or finger-jerk reaction)? Have you glared at the person in front of you in the express lane at the grocery store who has too many items? Or have you fantasized about gluing the mouth shut of the person who interrupts you while you are talking and he doesn't let you finish?

Do other people's behaviors send you into a rage or cause you to feel so frustrated you shut down?

This is standard human behavior under the influence of unfairness.

When we feel something is unfair, we respond as if it were a threat and go into "fight or flight" mode. Or as Laura Cousino Klein, Ph.D. said about women in the famous study she led on women, stress , and friendship , we go into fight, flight, or call-a-friend-and-complain mode.

Many neuroscientists are using brain scans to study moral decision making . They have found that basic, primary reactions occur when your brain determines a situation is "just not fair" — demonstrating that your reactions are instinctually, not logically driven.

Steven Quartz from CalTech said , "The fact that the brain has such a robust response to unfairness suggests that sensing unfairness is a basic evolved capacity."

How does this play out? The moment your brain determines someone is not playing by the rules, your abilities to deliberate, weigh all sides of an issue and make thoughtful decisions are impaired.

Additionally, when you feel cheated your emotional system immediately prods you to say "no" to the offenders without thinking through your response and the consequences of your reaction. You can see this play out daily in our political system.

The Problem: Not everyone plays by the same set of rules. Cultural and religious background, family upbringing, education and life experiences all combine to help you form a mental frame called, "the world according to me." Other than legal and safety issues, these rules are often based on personal bias and opinions of what you think is right and wrong. You then act as if these rules are cast in stone when they actually differ from one person to the next.

The Result: You make snap decisions and emotionally react, then rationalize and justify your response using your logical brain.

The world is full of smart people who litter, plot against co-workers, scream at politicians at town hall meetings and give unaware grocery clerks the evil eye as they deal with what they believe is unfair.

1. Try to become aware of what your brain is doing. When you feel something is unfair or disrespectful of your rights, catch yourself reacting in anger or frustration. Then take a breath before you say or do anything to make the situation worse.

2. Determine if your loss is real or not. Is the rule you think was broken that important, really? Did the person who offended you take anything away from you other than a few minutes of your time? Was the action you resent a conscious offense or could the person have acted without realizing the impact on you? Did you lose your self-respect or respect from others? If the loss is not real or too small to bother with, choose to relax and let go. Then focus on something more interesting.

On the other hand, if the person who interrupted you is being intentionally rude or the person in the grocery store needs help finding the right lane, you might choose to let the person know the impact of their behavior and what would be a better choice they could make in the future. Screaming, sarcasm, or grunting creates conflict; it doesn't solve anything. If the loss is real, stand up for yourself by explaining the Impact and Desired Change of Behavior . Hopefully, this will start a useful dialogue.

3. Sometimes it is better to choose to be healthy instead of right. You decide where to put your most precious resource-your energy. Let go of what you cannot control.

In the end, one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself is to learn to quickly discern when it is time to let go from when it is time to react. There are times you need to stand up to what is unfair. There are times to move on.

This takes practice. Don't beat yourself up for having an emotional reaction. Your brain is doing what it is supposed to do-protect you. Instead, recognize when you are having an emotional reaction, take a breath and choose how you best want to respond.

It's time we take charge of our primitive brains, bringing more peace to our lives and to our world.

Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D. is the author of Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction.

Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D. , is the author of three leadership books, Coach the Person, Not the Problem, The Discomfort Zone, and Wander Woman . She is the president of Covisioning, teaching transformational coaching skills to coaches and leaders worldwide.

• Find a Therapist
• Find a Treatment Center
• Find a Psychiatrist
• Find a Support Group
• Find Online Therapy
• United States
• Brooklyn, NY
• Chicago, IL
• Houston, TX
• Los Angeles, CA
• New York, NY
• Portland, OR
• San Diego, CA
• San Francisco, CA
• Seattle, WA
• Washington, DC
• Asperger's
• Bipolar Disorder
• Chronic Pain
• Eating Disorders
• Passive Aggression
• Personality
• Goal Setting
• Positive Psychology
• Stopping Smoking
• Low Sexual Desire
• Relationships
• Child Development
• Self Tests NEW
• Therapy Center
• Diagnosis Dictionary
• Types of Therapy

At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives.

• Emotional Intelligence
• Gaslighting
• Affective Forecasting
• Neuroscience

Advertisement

Johnson Says Supreme Court Should Step In to Overturn Trump’s Conviction

Speaking to Fox News, Speaker Mike Johnson, a steadfast supporter of former President Donald J. Trump, also boasted about the National Republican Campaign Committee’s fund-raising numbers.

• Share full article

By Luke Broadwater

Reporting from Washington

• May 31, 2024 Updated 3:13 p.m. ET

Speaker Mike Johnson on Friday urged the Supreme Court to intervene in former President Donald J. Trump’s appeal of his felony conviction, by overturning the decision and granting him immunity from prosecution.

“I do believe the Supreme Court should step in,” Mr. Johnson told Fox News during an interview the morning after Mr. Trump became the first former president to be convicted of any crime. “Obviously, this is totally unprecedented.”

Mr. Trump was convicted of 34 felony counts of falsifying business records after a Manhattan jury considered allegations that he participated in a scheme to pay hush money to a porn star to cover up an affair before the 2016 presidential election.

Speaking on Fox, Mr. Johnson said he knew some of the justices on the Supreme Court personally and believed that they shared his view that Mr. Trump was a victim of unfair and politically motivated prosecutions. He also suggested that the legal system was biased against Mr. Trump and other conservatives.

“So I think they’ll set this straight,” Mr. Johnson said, “but it’s going to take a while.”

He added later: “I think this court will do the right thing, because they see the abuse of the system right now.”

Mr. Johnson has long been a steadfast supporter of Mr. Trump. After Mr. Trump lost the 2020 election, Mr. Johnson played a leading role in recruiting House Republicans to sign a legal brief supporting a lawsuit seeking to overturn the results.

The Supreme Court ultimately rejected the suit , but not before Mr. Johnson persuaded more than 60 percent of House Republicans to sign onto the effort. He did so by telling them that the initiative had been personally blessed by Mr. Trump, and that the former president was “anxiously awaiting” to see who in Congress would defend him.

Since becoming speaker, Mr. Johnson has traveled to Mar-a-Lago, Mr. Trump’s private club and residence in Florida, to hold a joint news conference with him. Mr. Johnson also visited him in New York during his criminal trial to show loyalty and support and condemn the proceedings.

In the interview on Fox, Mr. Johnson also boasted about the National Republican Campaign Committee’s fund-raising numbers, which he said were the highest since he won the gavel last fall.

“There’s good reason to be motivated,” Mr. Johnson said of Republican base voters. “This entire thing is absurd.

Looking to capitalize on base outrage about the conviction, Mr. Johnson said House Republicans set up a new website — supportDJT.com — where G.O.P. donors could send them money to help defend Mr. Trump.

“We broke records on our fund-raising platforms last night,” Mr. Johnson said. “We’ll continue to do that.”

Luke Broadwater covers Congress with a focus on congressional investigations. More about Luke Broadwater

Our Coverage of the Trump Hush-Money Trial

Guilty Verdict : Donald Trump was convicted on all 34 counts  of falsifying records to cover up a sex scandal that threatened his bid for the White House in 2016, making him the first American president to be declared a felon .

Next Steps: The judge in the case set Trump’s sentencing for July 11, and Trump already indicated that he plans to appeal. Here’s what else may happen .

Reactions: Trump’s conviction reverberated quickly across the country and over the world . Here’s what Trump , voters , New Yorkers , Republicans  and the White House  had to say.

The Presidential Race : The verdict will test America’s traditions, legal institutions and ability to hold an election under historic partisan tension , reshuffling a race that has been locked in stasis and defined by a polarizing former president.

Making the Case: Over six weeks and the testimony of 20 witnesses, the Manhattan district attorney’s office wove a sprawling story  of election interference and falsified business records.

Legal Luck Runs Out: The four criminal cases that threatened Trump’s freedom had been stumbling along, pleasing his advisers. Then his good fortune expired .

Connecting the Dots: As rumors circulated of Trump’s reported infidelity, two accounts of women  being paid to stay silent about their encounters became central to his indictment.