personal statement example mit

Eugenie Y. Lai

Contact: eylai [at] mit.edu GitHub: ey-l Twitter: @EugenieLai eugeniesday --> Scheduled — --> CV , transcript

News [ More Updates ] 2021.04 Joining the Data Systems Group (DSG) at MIT EECS CSAIL as a PhD student in Fall '21.

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Another Annotated Example: CS PhD Statement of Purpose

Date: 2021-04-22

This post is inspired by the Statement of Objective examples provided by the MIT EECS Communication Lab . Some programs (e.g., Berkeley EECS) require a Statement of Purpose (SoP) and a Personal Statement (PS). In this post, we will dissect and annotate my SoP submitted to MIT EECS, which is a hybrid of both, in my case.

I also shamelessly include a copy of my first draft for a before-after comparison and show how far I have (and maybe anyone could) come by applying the learnings discussed in this post. It would be difficult to measure the impact of something without showing the starting point, which is often missing in the existing resources for SoP.

Also, if you are an anxious applicant, let’s not compare ourselves. I know it’s easier said than done, and I still fall into that trap too. But it is unfair to compare the ins and outs of ourselves to only the best side of others (e.g., their SoP). This note was first brought up to me by Dr.* Maria De-Arteaga back in 2019 when I just started to pivot my profile towards grad school and has been helping me get off the overthinking treadmill since.

*Note: I heard Prof. and Dr. are distinct in the states, but we use Dr. for both in Canada. I didn’t know until the visit days and only used Dr. in my SoP. So let’s use Dr. in this post to keep everything consistent.

Before We Start

Intended audience: Future and current CS PhD applicants.

The role of SoP in grad admissions: Touched on by this Twitter thread , which could be specific to MIT EECS.

My result: I applied to 8 programs and was fortunate to get in almost everywhere, with 5 offers (i.e., Berkeley, MIT, UBC, UMichigan, and UWashington) and 3 withdrawals (i.e., Columbia, Maryland, and NYU).

A non-exhaustive list of caveats that may make this post not as applicable so readers’ discretion is advised:

• I applied during a pandemic, not sure how that affected my experience.
• I only applied to programs in the US and Canada so the experience is subjective to the system here.
• I’m in data systems so please question if the content is field-specific.

Motivation to (uncomfortably) put myself out there:

• Writing crystallizes my learning and is a skill I’m working on. The pressure helps me practice.
• The potential of helping someone trumps the fear of being judged.
• I received so so much help and support throughout this grad application cycle and just want to give back.

Speaking of support, a list of direct help I received for my SoP:

• I was privileged to be assisted by the MIT GAAP and Berkeley EAAA program . A huge thank you to my MIT GAAP mentor, Xuan , who chatted with me bi-weekly since October 2020, provided extremely valuable feedback on my SoP, and helped me navigate through the applying process. It still feels surreal that I will actually meet her in person at MIT this fall.
• Many thanks to my labmates and my research parent, Dr. Rachel Pottinger , who offered both helpful comments and emotional support.
• I happened to take COMM 395 Business Communication with Elizabeth Bowker that term (to fulfill my undergraduate degree requirement at UBC). I found some materials covered for presentations transferable to writing, and a big thank you to her for the additional support.
• I was also privileged to get help from the Writing Centre and Student Service Centre at my undergraduate university.
• Just to reiterate, the examples by the MIT EECS Communication Lab are particularly helpful. Many other schools/programs (e.g., CMU ) provide such examples too.
• I was also influenced by these YouTube channels: Lillian - AlphaGenesis , Casey Fiesler , The Kath Path , Andy Stapleton .

So the first takeaway is clear: Be resourceful. Ask around. Keep an eye out for opportunities and resources, which shouldn’t take up much energy. Just have that running in the background.

Overall Thought Process

The grad application as a whole is supposed to show a 3D us to let the committee make a sensible decision. If we think backwards, SoP is only included for a reason. Like any member of a K-Pop group, it has a unique proposition in the package.

I wanted to show a 3D me by leveraging the application package with little overlaps between materials. But so far, the transcript and CV only put me into numbers and project names.

So something is missing – without showing my thought process and personality, I’m boring, cold, and flat. This gap is where SoP comes in, and it is the only* opportunity to add that third dimension. We will use sketching as an analogy and go through the things that I constantly reminded myself of when thinking about my SoP at a high level.

*Note: Letters of recommendation (LoRs) help too, but they are observations of us. SoP is the one thing in our full control.

Convey the why’s. Like all drawings, SoP needs a purpose, a main message that both utilizes the space in the application and fills the gap. From most of the resources above, the purpose should be conveying the why’s (e.g., why research, why grad school, why this subfield).

Find a common thread and tell a story about professional development. Now we know what to include, but how could we organize the content in a way that shows the reader how we think? We need a skeleton first. I could tell my why’s in a plain list. But wouldn’t some layered structure to show how my research journey evolved add more character? Inevitably, we have to repeat what’s in the CV, but the added value comes from the personality and thought process illustrated through those experiences. The experiences are just a tool at this point, instead of the main focus, so don’t worry about repeating the content.

Bring in personality. Let’s colour the black-and-white skeleton with a personal pallet. I tried to make every sentence read like something only I would write. Admittedly, bringing in a personal voice while staying professional is a fine line to walk, but it’s possible. The annotated SoP is (trying to be) an example. So is this post. We will talk about a few ways to do that in the detailed comments.

Help the reader focus. We have limited paint. Be concise and precise. Every sentence is an opportunity to draw a line and should together portrait a clean image. We don’t want to waste any bits or distract the reader with random, extra lines so every word should have its place. I also thought hard about what to leave in and leave out. Although I was involved in many things throughout my undergraduate time, I only included experiences that are pertinent to my story.

Detailed Comments by Section

There is a lot to unpack. We will walk through my reasoning for each section at a detailed level, which can also be seen as a concrete embodiment of the high-level takeaways discussed above.

Statement of Objectives

Introduction

We don’t want to be a boring person. Opening with questions grabs the reader’s attention better than the laundry list of who I am and what I do in my first draft. The questions plant seeds too, as we will see later. Opening with research interests directly is also interesting.

How can we propagate breakthroughs in the scientific community to the real world? With the explosion of big data, how can we help fields outside of computer science (CS) extract and leverage its value? Inspired by these questions, my current research focuses on facilitating user interaction with databases.

Elaborate on my current research interest with the techniques (in the method space) and a use case (in the problem space). The use case also hints at my why’s, coming soon.

Specifically, I apply visualization and machine learning techniques to alleviate the barriers between users and databases to help users access and make sense of data. By helping users better explore and understand the data they have collected, I hope to enable data-driven decision-making in a wide range of fields. It is with these broad goals in mind that I am applying to pursue a PhD.

Finding My Research Interests

This section shows two things, my technical competency and why’s. I described 3 research projects and used the reflection on the experience to answer the why’s.

+1 to the example provided by the MIT EECS Communication Lab, the formula I used to describe a research project, one line each: summary + clarification of terms if necessary + need of the work (e.g., gaps) + our contributions + outcomes + my specific input . We will see this formula twice later in this section.

With a focus on data provenance summarization, my research journey began under Dr. Rachel Pottinger at the UBC Data Management and Mining Lab. The provenance of a query over a database is a subset of the data in the database that contributed to the query answer. While comprehensive, query provenance consists of large volumes of data and hence is overwhelming for users to explore. We presented an approach to provenance exploration that builds on data summarization techniques and provides an interface to visualize the summary. This work led to the first two papers I co-authored, Summarizing Provenance of Aggregation Query Results in Relational Databases (ICDE’21) and Pastwatch: On the Usability of Provenance Data in Relational Databases (ICDE’20). My main contributions include identifying the limitations in the existing methods, implementing the existing and our summarization methods, and running the experiments.

We love the dark times. Dr. Brené Brown said vulnerability and hardships help people connect and build trust. Being rejected is my true experience, and I intentionally included that to make myself relatable to the reader. In this case, it also shows resilience and segues into my first why, why research but not industry. As you may have also noticed, this concept is used everywhere in this post too.

Our work experienced a few submissions. Although I felt discouraged at first, I learned to reflect and was encouraged by how much our work had improved after each round. I also enjoyed my experience in research more than the industry for the autonomy and ownership over my work.

But I didn’t want to just tell my why’s like a list. I envisioned a story structure inspired by The Secret Structure of Great Talks by Nancy Duarte. She introduced a shape at around 6:00. Applying that concept, I first established what is, what could be, and the gap here. Like the shape, we will see me traversing between what is and what could be in the rest of this section.

However, I had some burning questions regarding my research interests going forward. Although I was engaged by the technical aspects of solving open-ended problems, I wanted to find something that would really excite me – what is the thing that would get me out of bed every morning? And how could I find it?

Transition to my next project to show more technical competency while keeping the flow of the story.

My next project, Developing a Data-Driven Electric Vehicle (EV) Strategy in Surrey, BC, Canada, helped me answer those questions.

Another example of the formula above but in a slightly different order to make things flow better.

Working with another undergraduate student under the supervision of Dr. Raymond Ng, we set out to address the challenge of how the city of Surrey should place EV charging stations. Prior to our work, the approach to determine where to install an EV charging site was solely based on expert opinions, despite a large volume of data collected by the city of Surrey. To help city planners make strategic decisions informed by evidence, I developed a web application to give them a user-friendly way to explore and make sense of the data. I used interactive maps and graphs to visualize the spatial distribution and time trends of Surrey’s vehicle stock, traffic flows, and land use. In September 2019, the city used my tool to choose 20 charger locations for a Canadian federal funding proposal, and I was proud to co-present this work at the SIGKDD’20 Social Impact Session this summer.

Talking about our values is another good way to bring in our personality while staying professional, which also helps answer some why’s. For example, what kind of research keeps us excited? I’m excited about real-world users (in the problem space), but everyone is motivated differently. Maybe you are excited about system design? Cool! Or applying new ML models? Also cool! Note that this part also ties back to the opening questions.

Through zooming in and out on a pressing, real-world issue, I realized what I should be looking for in the research I pursue: the possibility of helping others and the insight into real-world issues that would spark that possibility. I started to envision making an impact on the real world through my research. The value of our work in the scientific community can only be actualized when our tools are adopted by downstream users such as domain experts and decision-makers. Hence alleviating user-database barriers is a vital step in advancing data-driven decision-making in a wide range of fields.

Transition to the 3rd and final project. Another piece of advice I got (for almost everything grad application related) is don’t tell, but show . Earlier I said that I’m motivated by real-world issues, and here I showed that I followed through my words with actions.

With that overarching goal in mind, I initiated a project to facilitate user interaction with databases by identifying the major stakeholders and their challenges when interacting with databases, and then mapped that to their needs.

Apply the formula again to describe the project.

Database users often interact with databases via SQL query sessions. From our analysis, users pose a variety of SQL queries in sequence with changes in SQL keywords and query fragments such as tables and attributes. However, the existing approaches only consider queries individually and make recommendations based on query similarity and popularity. We presented a new approach to recommend query information by learning from the sequential knowledge exploration patterns of historical users. We modelled our query recommendation problem as a query prediction task and used sequence-to-sequence models to predict the next query. Supervised by Dr. Pottinger, this work led to Sequence-Aware Query Recommendation Using Deep Learning, submitted to VLDB’21. As the lead researcher, I identified knowledge gaps in the existing work, defined and scoped the research problem, analyzed the workload data, implemented the deep learning models, ran the experiments, discussed the results, and wrote the paper.

Tie back to the motivation and answer why grad school to wrap up the story.

Seeing a connection between my work and the quantifiable impact gives me a rush of excitement that I am contributing to help those real-world users in need. Through this project, I found myself enjoying both scoping and solving open-ended problems and hope to further improve with additional formal training in graduate studies.

Equal Access in STEM

I added this section following the same MIT EECS Communication Lab example and used the previous formula to explain the project as well.

It may seem odd to risk the flow of a research-focused SoP and make us question if this section is even relevant. But MIT EECS doesn’t require PS, and I wanted to show what I care about and where I come from. This section is also intended to help the SoP stay professional when I touched on my personal background in the last section. Again, fine line to walk. Lastly, grad school to me is more than research. This section adds another dimension to my professional development and connects to my career pursuit in academia mentioned later.

My other goal in graduate school is to further my pursuit of advancing equal access to educational resources for students in marginalized groups. Besides mentoring young women in STEM throughout my undergraduate time, for the past year, I worked on the UBC CS Undergraduate Program Evaluation and Renewal project. In the process, I realized how my experience with data visualization and user interface design could help to improve equity in education. Degree planning is challenging and time-consuming since students have to envision their career path and go to individual course pages to ensure they meet prerequisites accordingly. First-generation college students are especially vulnerable as they lack adequate guidance from their immediate support system. To solve this problem, I designed an interactive directed graph to show the dependencies between courses, provide a holistic view of the CS program, and visualize potential academic trajectories at UBC CS. I was thrilled to present my work at the UBC Board of Governors Meeting in Spring 2020. I deployed the graphs to the UBC CS website this summer and am currently helping UBC Centre for Teaching, Learning and Technology adapt the graphs campus-wide. Participating in this project allowed me to advance equal access in a higher level of education and help as many students thrive as possible.

Future Work

This section aims to convince the reader that I know the strengths of the program, our interests align, and I’m valuable specifically to them. The first part outlines my overall research interests, while I gave specific examples about the program and PIs in the second part.

I chose to put my research statement here, not anywhere else. Up to this point, I’ve been signalling pieces about my motivation and research interests using the opening questions, projects, and my why story. The reader now has enough context and is ready for a punch.

All my experiences collectively shaped my research interests and motivated me to pursue graduate studies. Today, database systems provide a vital infrastructure to access high volumes of data in a variety of applications. Seeing the user-database barriers and the potential of data-driven decision-making in areas outside of CS (e.g., city planning and sustainability) incites my urge to build my work around the theme of facilitating user interaction with databases. With a deep understanding of the problem space and skills gained through solving problems in this space, I hope to continue this line of work by applying visualization and ML techniques to help database users access and make sense of data.

I find this part becomes more candid and compelling when I write it as if the PIs would actually read it (and mine really did). Also, it only becomes attractive when the interest goes both ways. I wanted to show how they could help me but also what unique skills I could offer.

MIT CSAIL’s past and current work indicates its members’ unique strengths on this topic. Specifically, I would be excited to work with Dr. Tim Kraska and Dr. Sam Madden. Dr. Kraska has made outstanding contributions to enabling data analytics for individuals outside of CS using ML-inspired techniques. The sequential features of query sessions discussed in his recent work, IDEBench (SIGMOD’20), are fundamental to my work on sequence-aware query recommendation, where we empirically analyzed the query sequences in two real-life workloads. Extending my work under his supervision would give me strong support in leveraging query session information using ML techniques. My research interests also greatly overlap with Dr. Madden’s work, such as Data Civilizer, on building end-to-end systems to facilitate domain experts with data exploration. I would be excited to work with Dr. Madden by bringing my skills and experience in applying ML techniques to SQL queries.

Where I See Myself

I wanted to address why I spent 6 years at UBC, which is relatively uncommon and often raises questions (e.g., if I can handle a rigorous course load). However, it was difficult to word my reason in a professional way at first. So I only briefly mentioned the personal aspect while elaborating on my work experience. Xuan pointed out the key is to relate personal struggles to professional development and helped me further emphasize the value of the experience and how it contributed to my goals in graduate studies.

As a first-generation college student from a low-income, single-parent family, working puts additional constraints on my course load yet is the most effective way to support myself. Although I spent six years on my undergraduate degree, I did two years of co-op at three different places in industry, non-profit, and academia. While studying full-time, I have also worked part-time in retail, administration, and teaching. Through these valuable experiences, I not only learned about the many real-world challenges that people face on the job, but also discovered research interests that would allow me to address some of those challenges.

Let’s not leave any loose ends and tie the two goals together to wrap up.

After graduate studies, I aim to pursue a career in academia, so that I can develop the research and tools to address these challenges and more. Furthering my education at MIT would bring me one step closer to my goal of advancing data-driven decision-making in a wide range of fields and improving equal access to educational resources for students like me in marginalized groups.

Other Takeaways

I also learned and applied these general/minor things.

Just start writing. It is an iterative process. The first draft is the hardest and almost guaranteed to suck, but it gets our brain going. It gets a lot easier once we gain the momentum and just have to make incremental changes.

Start early , which goes hand-in-hand with the last point. I wanted to leave ample time for that interactive process, finished my first draft in late August, and finalized it in the first week of December 2020. I feel grateful that I took the time to reflect on my why’s, which also came in handy later in the (quite intense) interview process in January 2021.

Don’t stress too much about tailoring the SoP to each program. Partial thanks to SIGMOD ‘20*, I had a general research direction when applying. The programs and labs I applied to may have nuances in their research interests and strengths, but my motivation, research interests, and skillsets didn’t need to change much. I only swapped out the second half of the future work section for each program. However, someone with a broader interest and a more diverse set of programs may want to customize the SoP more and have different answers for each why depending on the program.

*Note: More on my experience at SIGMOD ‘20 .

Read each program’s prompts and formatting requirements carefully. The point above is about the content, while this one is about the format and separation of the content. Programs like Berkeley EECS require an SoP and a PS so the separation depends on the prompts. I include my final copy of SoP and PS to Berkeley to show how I did it with minimum additional effort, which also helps illustrate the point above. The formatting requirements all have slight differences (e.g., word limits, header, title) so just be aware.

Choose what feedback and advice to take in. Going back to the point of being resourceful, we may later find ourselves getting various or even conflicted advice from different sources, which can be confusing and overwhelming. My apologies if this post is making it worse. But I always ask two questions whenever I get advice from people:

• Do they know the field ?
• Do they know me ?

Although some advice is generalizable, this sanity check is a reminder to further verify if the information is credible and applicable to me, especially when I get negative (but not necessarily constructive) feedback.

An extreme example is the words from my relatives and family friends when they laughed at my school list. It still hurt at the moment, but the rational me didn’t take their comments to heart because they’re not in CS, and they don’t know my profile. More than a filter to allow in helpful advice, the questions are also shields to protect us, much needed in such a sensitive time.

Through the applying process, I had countless breakdowns moments where I felt that I had already tried everything, but my SoP just read shallow, and my writing would never be good enough.

But it’s because SoP is hard to write!! It not only demands writing techniques but also deep reflections of the why’s from our experiences. Although writing the SoP challenged me hard on both fronts, I’m glad that I took the time and saw it as an opportunity to grow: It reminded me that improving my writing is a never-ending process, and the reflection indeed made me question my life but also assured my decision to pursue graduate studies.

However, I do want to acknowledge that not everyone has the privilege to afford the time and energy. Further, if we consider our individual profile (e.g., GPA, LoRs) as a whole, pouring our limited resources into SoP alone may not be a strategic move. Nothing is perfect nor needs to be. So knowing when to say good enough is an important skill too (which is something I still need to work on).

Lastly, taking one step further, I find some of the takeaways transferable to other written pieces (e.g., papers), other forms of communication (e.g., presentations), or professional development in general.

Although I had much fun reflecting on my learning, I genuinely hope this post would be somewhat helpful to at least one other person on the planet, and very best of luck if you are applying soon!! <3

Back to blog

Graduate School Personal Statement

Criteria for success.

• Your personal statement convinces a faculty committee that you are qualified for their program.
• It convinces them that you are a good fit for their program’s focus and goals.
• You show a select group of skills and experiences that convey your scientific accomplishments and interests.
• Your experiences are concrete and quantitative.
• Your personal statement is no more than 2 pages.

Structure Diagram

The graduate school personal statement tells your story and demonstrates that you are a good match for a particular department or program. Matching goes both ways: they should be interested in you, and you should be interested in them. Your personal statement should make this match clear.

Analyze Your Audience

Your personal statement will be read by a graduate committee: a handful of faculty from the program. They’re trying to determine if you will be a successful graduate student in their department, a positive force in the department’s intellectual life, and a successful scientist after you graduate. They are therefore interested in your qualifications as a researcher, your career goals, and how your personality matches their labs and department.

The graduate committee probably reads hundreds of applications a year. To make it easy for them to figure out that you are a good fit, make direct, concrete statements about your accomplishments and qualifications. To make it easy for them to remember you, create a narrative that “brands” you.

Create a personal narrative

PhD programs invest in the professional and scientific growth of their students. Get the committee excited about investing in you by opening your essay with a brief portrait of what drives you as a scientist. What research directions are you passionate about, and why? What do you picture yourself doing in 10 years?

Close your essay with a 2-3 sentence discussion of your career interests. No one will hold you to this; this just helps your committee visualize your potential trajectory.

Describe your experiences

Experiences are the “what” of your essay. What experiences led you to develop your skill set and passions? Where have you demonstrated accomplishment, leadership, and collaboration? Include research, teaching, and relevant extracurriculars. State concrete achievements and outcomes like awards, discoveries, or publications.

Quantify your experiences to show concrete impact. How many people were on your team? How many protocols did you develop? How many people were in competition for an award? As a TA, how often did you meet with your students?

Describe actions, not just changes in your internal mental or emotional state. A personal statement is a way to make a narrative out of your CV. It is not a diary entry.

Explain the meaning of your experiences

Meaning is the “why” or “so what” of the document. Why was this experience important to your growth as a scientist? What does it say about your abilities and potential? It feels obvious to you, but you need to be explicit with your audience. Your descriptions of meaning should also act as transition statements between experiences: try to “wrap” meaning around your experiences.

Demonstrate match to your target program

Demonstrate an understanding of the program to which you’re applying and how you will be successful in that program. To do this:

• Read the program’s website. See what language they use to describe themselves, and echo that language in your essay. For example, MIT Biological Engineering’s website lists the department’s three objectives.
• Get in contact with faculty (or students) in your target program. If you have had a positive discussion with someone at the department, describe how those interactions made you think that you and the department may be well-matched.
• State which professors in the program you would plan to work with. Show how their research areas align with your background and your goals. You can even describe potential research directions or projects.

This content was adapted from from an article originally created by the  MIT Biological Engineering Communication Lab .

Resources and Annotated Examples

Annotated example 1.

Selected sections from the personal statement a graduate student wrote in a successful application to MIT BE. 536 KB

Annotated Example 2

Personal statement from a graduate student’s successful application to the MIT BE program. 9 MB

• Who’s Teaching What
• Subject Updates
• MEng program
• Opportunities
• Minor in Computer Science
• Resources for Current Students
• Program objectives and accreditation
• Graduate program requirements
• Admission process
• Degree programs
• Graduate research
• EECS Graduate Funding
• Resources for current students
• Student profiles
• Instructors
• DEI data and documents
• Recruitment and outreach
• Community and resources
• Get involved / self-education
• Rising Stars in EECS
• Graduate Application Assistance Program (GAAP)
• MIT Summer Research Program (MSRP)
• Sloan-MIT University Center for Exemplary Mentoring (UCEM)
• Electrical Engineering
• Computer Science
• Artificial Intelligence + Decision-making
• AI and Society
• AI for Healthcare and Life Sciences
• Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning
• Biological and Medical Devices and Systems
• Communications Systems
• Computational Biology
• Computational Fabrication and Manufacturing
• Computer Architecture
• Educational Technology
• Electronic, Magnetic, Optical and Quantum Materials and Devices
• Graphics and Vision
• Human-Computer Interaction
• Information Science and Systems
• Integrated Circuits and Systems
• Nanoscale Materials, Devices, and Systems
• Natural Language and Speech Processing
• Optics + Photonics
• Optimization and Game Theory
• Programming Languages and Software Engineering
• Quantum Computing, Communication, and Sensing
• Security and Cryptography
• Signal Processing
• Systems and Networking
• Systems Theory, Control, and Autonomy
• Theory of Computation
• Departmental History
• Departmental Organization
• Visiting Committee
• Graduate programs
• What faculty members are looking for in a grad school application essay.
• Subject numbering
• FAQ about Fall 2024 Changes
• 2022 Curriculum Transition
• 6-1: Electrical Science and Engineering
• 6-2: Electrical Engineering and Computer Science
• 6-3: Computer Science and Engineering
• 6-4: Artificial Intelligence and Decision Making
• 6-5: Electrical Engineering with Computing
• 6-7: Computer Science and Molecular Biology
• 6-9: Computation and Cognition
• 11-6: Urban Science and Planning with Computer Science
• 6-14: Computer Science, Economics, and Data Science
• Requirements
• Application, Acceptance, and Deferral
• Thesis Proposal
• MEng Thesis
• UROP and SuperUROP
• Study Abroad
• USAGE Members, 2023-24
• 6-A Industrial Program
• Degree Audits and Departmental Petitions
• Space on Campus
• Resources for International Students
• Resources for Incoming Double Majors
• Resources for Advisors
• Graduate Admissions FAQs
• Graduate Admissions Information Letter
• Conditions of Appointment as a Teaching Assistant or Fellow
• RA Appointments
• Fellowship Appointments
• Materials and Forms for Graduate Students
• Subject Updates Fall 2024
• Subject Updates Spring 2024
• Subject Updates Fall 2023
• Subject Updates Spring 2023
• Subject Updates Fall 2022
• Subject Updates Spring 2022
• Subject Updates Fall 2021

See also the MIT EECS Comm Lab’s advice on how to write a Graduate School Statement of Purpose .

Hal Abelson

I’m looking for leadership and initiative. My group has a large number of undergraduate students and I look to our grad students to be role models and leaders. Compelling application essays should talk about actual accomplishments: applications you’ve created that others are using, technical organizations you’ve started or where you play a major role. There of course needs to be a track record of academic excellence. But the centerpiece of my group is empowering people of all ages through technology, as users and creators. That passion should come through in the essay–and it’s even better if there’s a track record to point to.

Karl Berggren

An application essay provides a number of useful information points when I’m reading a candidate’s application. I’m mostly looking to see if the person can communicate clearly. Second, I’m trying to find out a bit about the person, especially their personality and motivation, and how they think about science and engineering. Finally, I’m interested in learning a bit about what circumstances have shaped the candidate’s life. This is the place where I want to know if someone has faced exceptional challenges or took advantage of a unique opportunity to do something special. Because of the importance of writing in an academic environment, I’m looking to see if there is structure to the essay, and if paragraphs are well formed. For me, the essay is really not usually the main compelling reason to admit a student, but an essay that is over the top, or is poorly written or poorly structured, sometimes puts me off a candidate who otherwise would be a possible admit.

Adam Chlipala

I think it’s useful to think of PhD applications as more like job applications than earlier educational applications. You are applying to be an apprentice researcher, and thus concrete research experience (attested to by knowledgeable supervisors in letters) is most useful to give evidence that you will succeed. Then the specifics vary by research area. I’m looking for specific technical skills and bigger-picture direction-setting skills. In my area, the former are a mix of software/hardware implementation at a decently large scale and comfort with rigorous math and logic. The latter come down to finding ways that computer systems are developed ineffectively today, and thinking up ways we could change the development tools–ideally applicants can point to cases where they were the ones driving that brainstorming, not just implementing ideas coming from supervisors. Giving some examples of project directions you want to explore is helpful both for showing that kind of initiative, and for helping potential advisors gauge fit with their own interests. However, don’t worry that anyone will hold you to working on any of the specific ideas you list!

Frédo Durand:

Mostly two things:

1/ Can the applicant think and write deeply and intelligently about state-of-the-art technical issues?

2/ What kind of technical area (very broadly speaking) are they interested in?

One challenge for applicants is that the two answers sometimes conflict: the first question requires narrowness, but you probably want to show you’re interested in a broader set of topics to maximize the number of faculty members who feel they may want to work with you. So, I usually advise students not to restrict their essay to their past research, but have a paragraph or two at the end or beginning to list the areas that appeal to them. Ideally, the letter would give me a sense of how they attack an open problem, through the example of past projects (ideally research projects).

Regarding recommendation letters, I want to read about a candidate’s potential to do research. The most insightful letters are from people who have supervised you on a research project, or on a project that involves a fair amount of independence and creativity. I find letters from people who only know a candidate in a class context less useful, unless the student has done a particularly remarkable project. Letters from mentors in industry can be useful, especially if they do or have done research. However, not all applicants (including successful ones) have three letters that are equally thorough, and it’s quite common to have 1 or 2 letters from people who really know you well from a research perspective, and 1 or 2 that are a little more superficial.

Polina Golland

The essay should focus on your interests and look to the future. Describe what problem you would like to tackle in the future and approaches you might want to take. Even if I disagree with what the applicants write, it is revealing on how they think and gets me interested. Keep the description of your (very impressive) past projects to the minimum, mention them only as support for what you want to do in the future. Your CV, other sections of the applications, and recommendation letters will talk about past projects, and it’s a pity to use your essay to rehash it again.

Piotr Indyk

For me, the most important aspect of the application is the evidence of research skills. In the ideal case, it would take the form of publications/manuscripts describing the research project(s) and results, which I can read and review. Descriptions of research projects in recommendation letters and/or the research statement are less optimal, but also OK. However, it is understandable that not all applicants have the same opportunities to pursue undergraduate research. In such cases, I try to infer from other parts of the applications, such as grades (esp. for relevant technical subjects), recommendation letters and other activities like olympiad participation. Regarding the research statement, I find it to be useful as a broad indicator of applicant research interests, but since interests of many (most?) applicants evolve, I do not put that much weight on it.

Daniel Jackson

When I think about taking on a graduate student, I ask myself: is this a good match? I want to be sure that we’ll enjoy each other’s company and be successful working together. That means you’ll be excited by the kind of work I do, and have a reason to think that working with me will be better for you than working with someone else. The students I tend to gel most with want to reconsider how we design and build software, and like to think deeply (and even a bit philosophically) about the fundamental problems. So I read the statement carefully, looking for someone who thinks clearly and creatively, knows a little bit about what I do, isn’t too distracted by technology or formalism for its own sake, and is eager to pursue big ideas. And if there’s some project you’ve done that shows some promise (especially if one of your letter writers can talk about it), so much the better.

Leslie Kaelbling

For me, the most important thing in an application is the best letter of recommendation, by a large margin. The main research letter should speak to the candidate’s creativity, independence, bravery, and ability to get things done. The other letters usually don’t matter much. I like unusual candidates, and am generally more interested in someone who has done something on their own, or in an unusual place, than someone with a lot of papers who spent four years in a very productive and prominent research group. Most essays are neither a positive nor a negative for the application. The ones I remember and value are ones that I learned something from–essays that are actually interesting to read because they have a strong or novel view or that articulate a clear vision. I also like to get the feeling that the candidate really values research intrinsically–that they are not simply applying to do a PhD because it seems like a good stepping stone to something else, or something that is highly esteemed by others. I don’t worry about a few poor grades, if they have an explanation: early in the student’s career, or during one rough semester, or as the result of exploration. I’d rather see a student with a few Bs or a C, who has taken challenging classes, than someone with a perfect GPA and completely standard undergraduate curriculum. I am completely unimpressed by a student who takes twice the normal course load—they should have been doing research!

David Karger

There are two questions that I ask when I’m looking at an application.

(1) Will this student be interested in working on the kinds of things that excite me?

And (2) do they have the independence and organization necessary to work for a laid back, disorganized advisor like me?

For the first question, I like to hear what specific problems interest you, and why. Not why you’ve loved computer science since you got your first PC at age 4, but why you consider certain specific problems important and interesting, and how you might go about trying to solve them. It certainly doesn’t hurt to have looked at some of the work my group is doing, talk about why it’s interesting to you (not just that it is), and maybe give some thoughts on where it might be interesting to take it further. But hearing your own ideas is wonderful too. You need not have solved them already, although it is great to talk about a problem you have already worked on.

The second question is specific to my advising style. I provide a lot of support and feedback to my students, but I don’t do a lot of management. So it’s important for me to know that a student will take initiative, make choices about what to work on, make decisions about designs and implementations, set their own deadlines and meet them, and come to meetings with ideas and questions to move the work forward. Just claiming this in your statement isn’t particularly meaningful, but I look for signs of it in past work (and recommendation letters).

Manolis Kellis

I’m looking to see several things:

(1) Clarity of thought: this comes through in the essay; the vision they have (for the field, how their works fits in, the broader perspective within, next steps, etc); the way they describe their accomplishments (organization, background, clarity of innovation, are they able to explain the problem, the challenge, the novelty, etc); and, of course, their grades and accomplishments.

(2) Research accomplishment: Show that they can innovate, invent, find problems, frame them, and bring things to completion, writing papers, completing projects, packaging up code, creating tools.

(3) Letters: Evidence of standing out, innovation, novelty, ability to make progress independently, yet team spirit and collaboration.

(4) Technical: Of course, their training, the rigor, the background, grades, competitions, etc.

(5) Passion: Especially for an applied field like genomics/biology/medicine, showing that they truly care about the application area, not just about the algorithms, but that they truly have sought to find something novel in the specific application area that they have chosen, and been able to interpret their results and make conclusions about the applied field.

Stefanie Mueller

For me, the most important is that the applicant can show that they have research experience in my research field. Hiring a PhD student is a 5-6 year commitment, so it is very important for me that the applicant can show me that we will produce exciting research together. When I read an application, I first check if the applicant has publications in my research field on topics related to what my research group works on. After this, I look at the recommendation letter writers and see if they come from faculty in my research field and if they talk about that the applicant can conduct research in my field. Letters from outside my research field are not very useful in determining if the applicant can do research in my area. After this, I read the statement of purpose to see if the applicant has ideas that I would also be excited to work on.

Will Oliver

When I read a graduate student applicant’s research statement, I look to obtain a picture of the student and their research interests. This includes the student’s motivations for research. Who is this person, where did they come from, what sparks their interest in science and engineering, how has that been reflected in their lives and their trajectory? I then look for examples of research experience, broadly defined. This could be an experience as an undergraduate researcher, a summer internship, or even a substantial hobby project (to name a few). I look for tangible outputs from those projects, such as a peer-reviewed publication. I then look for what the student wants to accomplish in graduate school. I appreciate a genuine exposition of intellectual curiosity and enthusiasm in describing these goals. While this approach naturally leads to some specificity in research topics, I also look for some flexibility and breadth. For example, even if the student has one top-choice topic or group, it is a good idea to articulate other (often related) areas that would also be of interest.

Al Oppenheim

A long time ago one of my graduate students asked me what I look for in choosing the students to work with. My quick and somewhat playful answer was that I have four criteria: intelligent, creative out of the box thinker, enjoyable to interact with, and coachable. From applications on paper and without personally meeting the applicant, it’s often hard to assess these and particularly the second, third, and fourth. An approximation to the first can be based somewhat on the transcript. The other three, perhaps mostly from the reference letters and personal statement and when possible personal interaction. The two areas in which applications are often weak are in the choice of references and the lack of detail in the reference letters, and in the crafting of the personal statement. In writing the personal statement I’ve typically advised potential applicants to use it as an opportunity to truly show their motivations, goals and personality, rather than trying to pattern match to what they think readers will give high marks to. If the personal statement is genuine and honest, it shows. And if it isn’t, it also shows.

Gerald Jay Sussman

The problem is that we have too many “excellent” applicants, most of whom would do fine in our graduate program. Most would do good, publishable, but incremental research. We accept plenty of those excellent people. But I am looking for the candidates that could break a paradigm and open up a new field of research.

So what I look for in an application is evidence that the candidate has an unusual perspective, perhaps in conflict with the conventional wisdom of the field. I am open to considering crackpots, but I also look for evidence of technical skill and clarity of thought and expression that separates the interesting characters from crackpots.

Additionally, the most persuasive information in an application is reference letters from previous supervisors or teachers who attest to the skill and creativity of the applicant.

George Verghese

Most of my reading of graduate folders necessarily happens at the initial stage of evaluations, when I’m looking for applicants who seem like they would thrive in, and contribute strongly to, our department or a broad research area within it. The application folders that emerge from this reading then get passed on to other faculty for more focused evaluation. So at the initial stage I am not necessarily looking for a good match to my personal research interests or style; that can come later, when I look at short-listed folders, perhaps sent my way by other faculty who think I might want to take a look.

For the initial reading, I first examine the applicant’s academic record, to be reassured that they will be able to handle at least the course work in our graduate program. A few blemishes in early years may be fine, but anything less than a strong overall academic record is likely to be a non-starter (though I will read quickly all the way through the application, feeling I owe at least that much to a hopeful applicant who has paid their application fee!).

I then look for tangible, documented outcomes of activities that go beyond standard academic efforts, whether unusual and independent projects (not standard lab projects in a class), or in research or internships. An important part of the substantiation is in the letters of reference, which have to reflect genuine, specific, modulated knowledge of the applicant and their work, and corresponding enthusiasm. A letter that sounds generic, though filled with superlatives and rating the candidate as Truly Exceptional, will not count for much. I want to know that the letter writers see stellar achievement (in academics and beyond) and potential, based on the specifics of their interaction with and knowledge of the applicant.

Finally, I turn to the student’s statement to get a sense of their voice, how they see and present themselves and their accomplishments, and what they’re looking to find in/with their graduate work. A well-crafted statement that comes across as mature, genuine, and reasonably aware of the field in which they hope to concentrate counts for a lot.

Ryan Williams

When reading a grad school application, I focus on several things. The first (obvious) thing is whether my interests align well with the applicant. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the applicant is working on the same exact problems as me; it means that I try to understand their taste in problems and topics, and how this fits with what we study in my research group. Another important thing is independence (in research, thought, etc): we get many applications from many talented students from all over the world, but we don’t see too many who showed a significant degree of independence in their thought and behavior, different from those around them (including their mentors). This can come out in the statement of purpose, but often more so in the letters. “Independence” can have various interpretations, and I’m deliberately leaving the term somewhat vague, because I think any of those interpretations can be important. Another important thing is the quality of their communication, especially their writing. I always read the statements of purpose carefully, as well as any writing samples the applicant has provided. Of course, letters of recommendation which attest to all of these qualities are also very helpful.

Sample Personal Statement Finance (MIT Sloan)

by Talha Omer, MBA, M.Eng., Harvard & Cornell Grad

In personal statement samples by field | personal statements samples by university.

Here is the personal statement of an applicant who got admitted to MIT Sloan’s  Masters in Finance program . For personal statement, Sloan poses several questions to applicants, which the admissions committee expects to be answered in an essay form. MIT provides these personal statement prompts to encourage students to self-reflect and then to share their insights with the program. 

The following essays are an example of a compelling story and reflect the original voice and personality of the applicant. Get inspiration from them and try to incorporate their strengths into your own personal statement.

In this Article

Personal Statement Prompt 1

Personal statement prompt 2, personal statement prompt 3.

Please discuss past academic and professional experiences and accomplishments that will help you succeed in the Master of Finance program. Include achievements in finance, math, statistics, and computer sciences, as applicable. 

As an ardent finance student, I have always sought opportunities to develop a solid grounding in the subject.

During my undergraduate, I successfully co-founded a philanthropic long/short Impact Investment Hedge Fund, “Australian Students Asset Management” (ASAM). The fund secured firms like Goldman Sachs to provide pro-bono services and mentorship. In addition, I developed a proprietary ESG algorithm to identify investment opportunities per our social development mandate. As a result, our investments have consistently outperformed our benchmark. Furthermore, I attended two courses at LSE on Alternative Investments and Financial Risk with “A” grades. This involved in-depth exploration of topics like Monte Carlo, Bootstrapping, Financial Modelling and Stratification.

As an Associate at PwC, I created PwC’s first fully automated valuation process. This consisted of using industry-specific valuation templates using Python and VBA for data scraping. This solution saw significant savings for the firm and is now used by PwC throughout the world.

As an analyst with Barclays Capital, a Global Quantitative Hedge Fund, I gained exposure to arbitrage trading strategies by implementing statistical principles like mean reversion, volatility trends and co-integration in Python. This helped me develop successful trading algorithms yielding a highly desirable annualized return of 33%.

Describe your short-term and long-term professional goals. How will our MFin degree help you achieve these goals?

My short-term goal is to return to Australia and establish my own quantitative “for-profit” hedge fund. I will utilize my previous experience co-founding the philanthropic hedge fund, ASAM, to that effect. My long-term goal is to expand this hedge fund’s operations overseas and invest in the North American markets, as they present significant growth opportunities.

At MIT, I am eager to research the implications of current trends in institutional capital flows. This detailed exploration will enhance my understanding of the potential risks of passive investing and provide an edge in building trust with future investors.

As an Analyst at Barclays Capital, I developed event-driven and relative-value trading algorithms using Python. With the MFin, I will create an advanced, intuitive approach to data science problems, enabling the manipulation of alternative data sets to automate trading decisions and executions. The Advanced Analytics and Data Science courses and Analytics Certificate are especially exciting as they will allow me to understand shallow models and train deep neural networks in an economic context. I also hope to improve my technical skills around asset pricing and general dimension reduction techniques and ensemble methods which are critical to forming accurately priced derivatives.

Please share personal qualities that will enable you to contribute to the advancement of our mission.

THE MISSION

The mission of the MIT Sloan School of Management is to develop principled, innovative leaders who improve the world and generate ideas that advance management practice.

I believe success as a Leader requires one to have a passion for taking the initiative, thinking outside the box and persevering in adversity.

These traits have always been integral to my personal and professional pursuits, including my recent experience as a special education teacher in San Pedro, a rural village in Costa Rica. I was required to develop creative methods to overcome the language barrier and constructed visual aids from cardboard pieces to make block numbers. In addition, the school had a dire need for wheelchairs, so I devised a cost-effective design to repurpose old bicycles into wheelchairs that we implemented as a team. My commitment to improving the world through innovation will allow me to contribute actively to MIT’s mission.

Furthermore, my extensive involvement in boxing has enabled me to develop perseverance and increased focus in facing challenges. My first loss was devastating, and I considered giving up the sport, as my goal had been to maintain a perfect record. Ultimately, increasing training intensity, dance classes and the strong support from my team allowed me to win my next match and achieve the Most Improved Fighter award by the Sydney Boxing League.

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• 100+ Personal Statement Templates

First-year applicants: Essays, activities & academics

Rather than asking you to write one long essay, the MIT application consists of several short response questions and essays designed to help us get to know you. Remember that this is not a writing test. Be honest, be open, be authentic—this is your opportunity to connect with us.

You should certainly be thoughtful about your essays, but if you’re thinking too much—spending a lot of time stressing or strategizing about what makes you “look best,” as opposed to the answers that are honest and easy—you’re doing it wrong.

Our questions

For the 2023–2024 application, we’re asking these short answer essay questions:

• What field of study appeals to you the most right now? (Note: Applicants select from a drop-down list.) Tell us more about why this field of study at MIT appeals to you.
• We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do simply for the pleasure of it.
• How has the world you come from—including your opportunities, experiences, and challenges—shaped your dreams and aspirations?
• MIT brings people with diverse backgrounds together to collaborate, from tackling the world’s biggest challenges to lending a helping hand. Describe one way you have collaborated with others to learn from them, with them, or contribute to your community together.
• How did you manage a situation or challenge that you didn’t expect? What did you learn from it?

Depending on the question, we’re looking for responses of approximately 100–200 words each. There is also one final, open-ended, additional-information text box where you can tell us anything else you think we really ought to know.

Please use our form, not a resume, to list your activities. There is only enough space to list four things—please choose the four that mean the most to you and tell us a bit about them.

Self-reported Coursework Form

How you fill out this form will not make or break your application, so don’t stress about it. Use your best judgment—we’re simply trying to get a clear picture of your academic preparation by subject area. We see thousands of different transcripts, so it really helps us to view your coursework and grades in a consistent format.

Here are a few quick tips to help you complete this section:

• The self-reported coursework should be completed by students in U.S. school systems only. If you attend an international school, we’ll just use your transcript.
• The information you provide does not replace your official high school transcript, which must be sent to us from your school to verify your self-reported information (in order to avoid accidental misrepresentation, it might help to have a copy of your high school transcript in front of you while completing this form).
• Avoid abbreviations, if at all possible, and enter the names of your school courses by subject area. Please include all classes you have taken and are currently taking. If your courses were taken outside of your high school (at a local junior college or university, for example), tell us where they were taken in the “Class Name” field.
• In the “Grade Received” field, list term and/or final grades for each class, as found on your school transcript (semester, trimester, quarter, final, etc.). Use one entry only per class. For example, it’s not necessary to use a separate entry for each semester of the same class. Place all grades for a class in the same field, separating grades with commas.

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PhD Career Document Library

The PhD career document library is a growing resource that offers you the opportunity to review a variety of different career documents from MIT PhD alumni who have successfully secured positions in academia and industry. We are thrilled to offer these exceptional resources from our alumni, and we are grateful for their contributions.

These are real examples of documents that worked, and we hope they are helpful guides as you consider ways to craft your own documents. These examples have worked for others, and we hope they help you move forward in whatever direction you’ve chosen.

Use your Kerberos ID to sign-in and visit the PhD Career Document Library.

In the PhD Career Document Library, you’ll find 3 categories of documents: academic dossiers, resumes, and CV-to-resume transformations. Each set of documents represents a single application package and may include job descriptions and advice from the author alongside resumes, CVs, cover letters, and other statements.

Academic Dossiers

Documents in the academic dossier category are grouped and labeled by field of study. Each group represents either a full academic application package or a subset of documents from an application package written by a single contributor. These examples demonstrate the way a faculty application package tells your story, highlighting elements of your academic experience within each document or statement.

Resumes are organized alphabetically by job industry. The second title relates to the field of study of the contributor. 

To learn more about building your PhD-level resume, check out our PhD Resumes for Industry Jobs course module. Take the whole course, or pick and choose what you need.

CV-to-Resume Transformations

The CV to resume transformations show how several contributors represented their academic experience for positions or internships in industry.  You’ll notice formatting differences and strategic choices that ensure your readers can learn more about you with just a quick glance.

If you’re making a similar transition, seeing these documents side by side can help you make decisions about what to keep and what to cut. If you’d like a more step-by-step process, check out our PhD Resumes for Industry Jobs course module. 

Donate Your Job Documents to the PhD Career Document Library

If you find these resources helpful, we hope you’ll consider donating your successful documents to our library to guide other students and postdocs as they consider their next move after mit. learn more about donating your documents below..

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3 Marvelous MIT Essay Examples

What’s covered:, essay example #1 – simply for the pleasure of it, essay example #2 – community, essay example #3 – overcoming challenges.

• Where to Get Feedback on Your MIT Essay  

Sophie Alina , an expert advisor on CollegeVine, provided commentary on this post. Advisors offer one-on-one guidance on everything from essays to test prep to financial aid. If you want help writing your essays or feedback on drafts,  book a consultation with Sophie Alina or another skilled advisor.

MIT is a difficult school to be admitted into; a strong essay is key to a successful application. In this post, we will discuss a few essays that real students submitted to MIT, and outline the essays’ strengths and areas of improvement. (Names and identifying information have been changed, but all other details are preserved). 

Read our MIT essay breakdown  to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts.

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Prompt: We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do simply for the pleasure of it. 

After devouring Lewis Carrolls’ masterpiece, my world shifted off its axis. I transformed into Alice, and my favorite place, the playground, became Wonderland. I would gallivant around, marveling at flowers and pestering my parents with questions, murmuring, “Curiouser and curiouser.” If Alice’s “Drink Me” potion was made out of curiosity, I drank liters of it. Alice, along with fairytale retellings like the Land of Stories by Chris Colfer, kickstarted my lifelong love of reading. 

Especially when I was younger, reading brought me solace when the surrounding world was filled with madness (and sadly, not like the fun kind in Alice in Wonderland ). There are so many nonsensical things that happen in the world, from shootings at a movie theater not thirty minutes from my home, to hate crimes targeted towards elderly Asians. Reading can be a magical escape from these problems, an opportunity to clear one’s mind from chaos. 

As I got older, reading remained an escape, but also became a way to see the world and people from a new perspective. I can step into so many different people’s shoes, from a cyborg mechanic ( Cinder ), to a blind girl in WWII’s France (Marie-Laure, All the Light We Cannot See ). Sure, madness is often prevalent in these worlds too, but reading about how these characters deal with it helps me deal with our world’s madness, too. 

Reading also transcends generational gaps, allowing me to connect to my younger siblings through periodic storytimes. Reading is timeless — something I’ll never tire of. 

What This Essay Did Well

This essay is highly detailed and, while it plays off a common idea that reading is an escape, the writer brings in personal examples of why this is so, making the essay more their own. These personal examples often include strong language (e.g. “devoured,” “gallivant,” “pestering” ), which make the imagery more vivid, the writing more interesting. More advanced language can add more nuance to an essay– instead of “ate,” the writer chooses to say “devoured, ” and you can almost see the writer taking the book in almost as quickly as they might polish off a tray of cookies. 

The writer also discusses how reading can not only be a solace from events that seem nonsensical, but a way to understand the madness in these events. By giving two different examples of how this can be so, that seem so varied from each other (the cyborg mechanic and the girl in WWII’s France), the writer creates more depth to this idea. 

What Could be Improved

At the beginning, the writer should consider cutting the introduction paragraph by a line to leave more room for the two major points of the essay in the following paragraphs. Instead of a long sentence about a love of reading being kickstarted, the writer could create a short, powerful sentence to kick off the next two paragraphs. “I was in love with reading.” 

The detail at the end about how reading also transcends generational gaps seems like an add-on that doesn’t connect to the past two ideas– instead, I would suggest that this author expand a little more on the prior two ideas and tie them together at the end. “In this timeless world of reading, I can keep drinking from the well of curiosity. In the pages of a book, I have a space to find out more about the world around me, process its events, and more deeply understand others.”

Prompt: At MIT, we bring people together to better the lives of others. MIT students work to improve their communities in different ways, from tackling the world’s biggest challenges to being a good friend. Describe one way in which you have contributed to your community, whether in your family, the classroom, your neighborhood, etc. (200-250 words)

“Orange throw!”

As I extended my arm to signal properly, the smallest girl on the orange team picked up the ball to throw it back into play. In AYSO, U10 players often lift their back foot when throwing the ball, so I focused my attention there.

Don’t lift it. Keep it down.

It shot straight up. 

My instincts blew the whistle to stop the game. The rulebook is simple: the rule was broken, give it to the other team. But the way she tried, eager to play, eager to learn and try again— I couldn’t punish that. So I made my way over to the sideline to try it myself.

“When we’re throwing it in, we wanna keep our back foot down. Try again!” After demonstrating, I backpedaled a bit and watched her throw again.

Don’t lift it. Keep it down… Ah, it stayed down.

“Nice throw!”

And just like that, we were off again. These short, educational encounters happen multiple times a game. And while they may not be prescribed, they provide so many learning opportunities. These kids, they’re the future of soccer. If they learn the basics, they can achieve greatness.

Every time I step out onto the pitch, that’s what I see: potential. Little Alex may not throw correctly now, but with work, she could become the next Alex Morgan. That’s why, in every soccer game I referee, every new situation I’m thrust into, I strive to see what’s more; I strive to see the potential.

What the Essay Did Well

There is so much imagery in this essay! It’s easy to see the scene in your mind. Through details such as “smallest girl” and describing the team as the “orange,” the reader can more easily picture the scene in their mind. Giving color, size, and other details such as these can make the imagery stronger and the picture clearer in the reader’s mind. 

The writer narrates their thought process through their use of italics, bringing the reader into the mind of the writer. The space for each line of dialogue separates each thought, so that the reader can feel the full emphasis of each line. The mingling of cognitive narration and details about the setting keep the momentum of the essay. 

Through this essay, we learn that this referee is supportive to the members of the youth soccer teams that they are refereeing; instead of seeing the role of referee as punitive (punishing), this writer sees it as a coaching experience. This idea of creating educational encounters as one’s contribution to the community is definitely a great idea to build upon for this essay prompt. 

What Could Be Improved

The contribution to the community is clear because of the emphasis on the coaching aspect of refereeing. However, especially thinking about structure, the author spends about half the essay on a single situation. Limiting this story to a third of the essay could give the writer more space to provide examples of other ways that the author has coached others. The author could have also connected this coaching experience to a mentoring experience in a different context, such as mentoring students at the YMCA,  to create more connections between other extracurriculars and give more weight to this author’s contributions to the community. 

The second to last paragraph ( “And just like that, we were off again…” ) could benefit from another example or two about showing, not telling. The sentence “And while they might not be prescribed, they provide so many learning opportunities” is already clear from the situation that the author has given; the author has already called these “educational encounters” in the prior sentence. Instead of that sentence, the writer could have given another example about a child thanking the writer for a coaching tip, or the expression on a different player’s face when they learned a new skill. 

Additionally, the role of the writer is not immediately clear at the beginning, although it’s suspected that this student is most likely the referee. The writer also provides details about “AYSO” (American Youth Soccer Organization) and “U10,” where they could have simply referred to the games as “youth soccer games” to get the point across that the players are still learning basic skills about throwing the ball in. 

To make all of this clear, the writer could have said “As a referee for youth soccer games, I have seen that players often lift their back foot when throwing the ball, so I focused my attention there.” Acronyms are usually best to be avoided in essays- they can take the reader’s attention away from what is actually happening and lead them to wonder about what the letters in the acronym stand for.

Prompt: Tell us about the most significant challenge you’ve faced or something important that didn’t go according to plan. How did you manage the situation? 

“It’s… unique,” they say. 

I sag, my younger sister’s koala drawing staring at me from the wall. It always seemed like her art ended up praised and framed, while mine ended up in the trash can when I wasn’t looking. In contrast to my sister, art always came as a bit of a struggle for me. My bowls were lopsided and my portraits looked like demons. Many times, I’ve wanted to scream and quit art once and for all. I craved my parents’ validation, a nod of approval or a frame on the wall. 

Eventually, my art improved, and I made some of my favorite projects, from a ceramic haunted house to mushroom salt-and-pepper shakers. Even then, I didn’t get much praise from my parents, but I realized I genuinely loved art. It wasn’t something I enjoyed because of others’ praise; I just liked creating things of my own and the inexplicable thrill of chasing a challenge. Art has taught me to love failing miserably at something to continue it again the next day. If I never endured countless Bob Ross tutorials, I never would’ve made the mountain painting that I hang in my room today; if I never made pottery that blew up (just once!), I wouldn’t have my giant ceramic pie. 

I’m still light years from being an expert, but I’ll never tire of the kick of a challenge. 

The detail about the sister’s koala drawing being framed and praised while this writer’s portraits look like “demons” and bowls “lopsided” draws a nice contrast between the skills of the sister versus those of the writer.  In response to this “Overcoming Challenges” prompt , the author justifies that this is a significant challenge by saying that they “wanted to scream and quit art once and for all” and that they still desired their parents’ approval. 

The writer’s response to the situation— taking more tutorials online, creating many different pots before getting it right– is nicely framed. Many times, students forget to include examples that demonstrate how they respond to the situation, and this writer does a good job of including some of those details. 

The writer seems to emphasize the parents’ approval piece in the first paragraph, but then moves away from that point more to focus on the “thrill of chasing a challenge.” This essay could be improved by focusing a little more on how the writer emotionally moved past not getting that approval “Even then, I didn’t get much praise from my parents, but I finally realized I didn’t need to focus on that. I could focus on my love of art, on the inexplicable thrill of chasing the challenge…” 

Additionally, the sentence that starts with “Eventually, my art improved…” leaves the reader with the ques tion– how? Saying something like “Eventually, after many YouTube tutorials and a few destroyed pots, my art improved” would add detail, without taking away from the sentence about the Bob Ross tutorials and the pot blowing up. 

Where to Get Feedback on Your MIT Essay 

Do you want feedback on your MIT  essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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Writing Your Personal Statements

Your personal statement must demonstrate to the admissions committee that you have considered graduate school and their specific program seriously. It’s your opportunity to summarize your academic and research experiences. You must also communicate how your experiences are relevant to preparing you for the graduate degree that you will be pursuing and explain why a given program is the right one for you.

The personal statement is where you highlight your strengths. Make your strengths absolutely clear to the reviewers, because they will often be reading many other statements. Your self-assessments and honest conversations with peers and advisors should have also revealed your strengths. But you must also address (not blame others for) weaknesses or unusual aspects of your application or academic background.

Your personal statement should focus on two main aspects: your competence and commitment.

1. Identify your strengths in terms of competence that indicate that you will succeed in the grad program and provide examples to support your claims. Start your statement by describing your strengths immediately. Because faculty will be reading many statements, it’s important to start off with your strengths and not “bury your lede.” Consider traits of successful graduate students from your informational interviews, and identify which of these traits you have. These traits could involve research skills and experiences, expertise in working with techniques or instruments, familiarity with professional networks and resources in your field, etc.

• Check your responses from the exercises in the self-assessment section. You may wish to consult notes from your informational interviews and your Seven Stories . Write concise summaries and stories that demonstrate your strengths, e.g. how your strengths helped you to achieve certain goals or overcome obstacles.
• Summarize your research experience(s). What were the main project goals and the “big picture” questions? What was your role in this project? What did you accomplish? What did you learn, and how did you grow as a result of the experience(s)?

My research examines the interplay between U.S. domestic politics and foreign policy during the Cold War. As a native New Yorker, I saw firsthand how dramatically my city changed after 9/11, which prompted my early interest in U.S. policy at home and abroad. As an undergraduate at the City College of New York, I planned to study international relations with a focus on U.S. foreign affairs. I also quickly became involved in student activist groups that focused on raising awareness about a wide range of human rights issues, from the Syrian refugee crisis to asylum seekers from Central America.

The more I learned about the crises in the present, the more I realized that I needed a deeper understanding of the past to fully grasp them. I decided to pursue a PhD in history in order to gain a clearer understanding of human rights issues in the present and to empower young student-activists like myself.

— Vannessa Velez, PhD candidate in History

Addressing weaknesses or unusual aspects

• Identify weaknesses or unusual aspects in your application—e.g., a significant drop in your GPA during a term; weak GRE scores; changes in your academic trajectory, etc. Don’t ignore them, because ignoring them might be interpreted as blind spots for you. If you’re unsure if a particular issue is significant enough to address, seek advice from faculty mentors.
• Explain how you’ll improve and strengthen those areas or work around your weakness. Determine how you will address them in a positive light, e.g., by discussing how you overcame obstacles through persistence, what you learned from challenges, and how you grew from failures. Focusing on a growth mindset  or grit  and this blog on weaknesses might also help.
• Deal with any significant unusual aspects later in the statement to allow a positive impression to develop first.
• Explain, rather than provide excuses—i.e., address the issue directly and don’t blame others (even if you believe someone else is responsible). Draft it and get feedback from others to see if the explanation is working as you want it to.
• Provide supporting empirical evidence if possible. For example, “Adjusting to college was a major step for me, coming from a small high school and as a first-generation college student. My freshman GPA was not up to par with my typical achievements, as demonstrated by my improved  GPA of 3.8 during my second and third years in college."
• Be concise (don’t dwell on the issues), but also be complete (don’t lead to other potentially unanswered questions). For example, if a drop in grades during a term was due to a health issue, explain whether the health issue is recurring, managed now with medication, resolved, etc.

2. Explain your commitment to research and their graduate program, including your motivation for why you are applying to this graduate program at this university. Be as specific as possible. Identify several faculty members with whom you are interested in working, and explain why their research interests you.

• Descriptions of your commitment should explain why you’re passionate about this particular academic field and provide demonstrations of your commitment with stories (e.g., working long hours to solve a problem, overcoming challenges in research, resilience in pursuing problems). Don’t merely assert your commitment.
• Explain why you are applying to graduate school, as opposed to seeking a professional degree or a job. Discuss your interest and motivation for grad school, along with your future career aspirations.

I am definitely not your traditional graduate student. As a biracial (Native American and white), first-generation PhD student from a military family, I had very limited guidance on how best to pursue my education, especially when I decided that graduate school was a good idea. I ended up coming to this PhD in a very circuitous manner, stopping first to get a JD and, later, an MFA in Young Adult Literature. With each degree, I took time to work and apply what I’d learned, as a lawyer and as an educator. Each time, I realized that I was circling around questions that I couldn’t let go of—not just because I found them to be fascinating, but because I did (and still do!) feel that my research could help to bridge a gap that desperately needs bridging. Because my work is quite interdisciplinary, I strongly feel that I wouldn’t have been able to pursue this line of research without the degrees and life experience I gained before coming to this program.

— Jamie Fine, PhD candidate in Modern Thought and Literature

Statement of Purpose: subtle aspects

• Think in terms of engaging faculty in a conversation rather than pleading with them that you should be admitted. Ask reviewers to read drafts with this concern in mind.
• With later drafts, try developing an overall narrative theme. See if one emerges as you work.
• Write at least 10 drafts and expect your thinking and the essay to change quite a bit over time.
• Read drafts out loud to help you catch errors.
• Expect the "you' that emerges in your essay to be incomplete. . . that’s OK.
• You’re sharing a professional/scholarly slice of "you."
• Avoid humor (do you really know what senior academics find funny?) and flashy openings and closings. Think of pitching the essay to an educated person in the field, but not necessarily in your specialty. Avoid emotionally laden words (such as "love" or "passion"). Remember, your audience is a group of professors! Overly emotional appeals might make them uncomfortable. They are looking for scholarly colleagues.

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