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IELTS band 9 essay: relationships with colleagues

Here you can find advice on how to structure IELTS essay and see IELTS model answer for relationships with colleagues topic . Question type: to what extent do you agree/disagree .

Here is the question card:

Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In this essay you're asked about :

  • Your opinion about relations between colleagues or groupmates

Before writing this IELTS essay, you should decide to what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement and then choose nice arguments to support your opinion.

Now let's look at some of the possible arguments :

  • Complete agreement :

ielts essay relationships

  • friends at work may distract you and decrease your productivity
  • it is better to focus only on work in the workplace, to have faster career growth
  • good relationships with colleagues are hard to retain and are very emotionally demanding
  • Complete disagreement :

ielts essay relationships

  • good relationships make it more comfortable for you to work
  • if you're on good terms with your co-workers, you might ask them for help
  • good relations with colleagues result in better teamwork
  • Partial agreement/disagreement :
  • just combine ideas from the previous points

How to structure my answer?

Surely, there are a lot of ways to organise this essay. You can completely agree with the statement, completely disagree, or you can partially agree/disagree. The third option - partially agree/disagree essay - is presented in this lesson. Here is one possible way of structuring the answer to produce a band 9 essay :

Introduction : rephrase the topic and state your opinion.

Body paragraphs :

  • paragraph 1: reason why you agree
  • paragraph 2: reason why you disagree

Conclusion : sum up the ideas from body paragraphs and briefly give your opinion.

Band 9 essay sample (relationships with colleagues)

It is commonly argued that the primary goal of every employee is to focus on his/her job duties, while being on good terms with colleagues is not crucial. Although I agree that being productive at work is more important than trying to befriend all colleagues, I think that it is advantageous to have at least a few friends in the workplace.

On the one hand, maintaining good relations with all co-workers is often hard and even counter-productive. Firstly, it is very emotionally demanding to forge friendships in the office. It is almost impossible to cater for every colleague’s needs and interests, be nice even with people who irritate you, and make friends under stressful conditions. Moreover, sometimes it is wiser to eschew the niceties of interaction in favor of productivity. For instance, if all people were trying to build good relationships with everyone in their workplace, much less work would be done.

On the other hand, there are many compelling reasons to get closer to our colleagues. First of all, it is very beneficial to build warm relationships with those who surround you most of the time. Many full-time employees spend more of their waking hours with co-workers than they do with their families. And thus, people who have a few friends in their offices are usually happier than their solitary peers. Secondly, good interpersonal relations result in an improved teamwork. It is not a secret that team members who like and respect each other tend to collaborate on a project more effectively.

In conclusion, we need to find a healthy balance between being productive at work and forming social bonds. The ideal option is to find friends in the workplace, but not at the cost of our own productivity.

(290 words)

Useful vocabulary

atmosphere in the workplace

career growth = career ladder

cater for every colleague’s needs and interests = pay attention to every colleague’s needs/interests and be nice

co-workers = colleagues

compelling reasons = serious reasons

eschew the niceties of interaction in favor of productivity = avoid formal kindness and be more productive instead

full-time employee = employee working 40 hours per week

improved teamwork

job satisfaction

to be on good terms with colleagues = to build warm relationships with colleagues = to get closer to colleagues

to effectively collaborate on a project = to effectively work together on a project

to focus on job duties

to forge friendships in the office = to make friends in the office

to form social bonds = to make friends

IELTS Charlie

Your Guide to IELTS Band 7

IELTS Model Essay: Technology and Relationships

This model essay is on the topic of the effect of technology on the kinds of relationships we form. It’s a 2-part, or IELTS direct question essay.  It is taken from Cambridge IELTS 8 .

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

I will start by taking you through my 4 Step Planning Approach . This will help you to understand the structure of my essay and the ideas in it. Then you can read my essay. Finally I have included a list of useful vocabulary in my essay.

I hope you find it useful!

IELTS Model Essay Technology Effect On Relationships

First, I will carefully plan the essay.

Step 1: Understand My Task

What is the topic about.

The topic is about how technology has changed the types of relationships people make .

The phrase “types of” is important – it is encouraging you to talk about connections between people , rather than just intimate relationships (e.g. boyfriend / girlfriend), i.e. about relationships in a general sense. I think you need to cover this aspect in order to get a Band 7 or higher.

What kind of technology has changed relationships? I suppose things like smartphone, the Internet and also apps on phones and computers.

What is the topic NOT about?

The task is NOT about how technology has changed communication (although this will probably come into your discussion). It’s about how it has changed relationships .

How should I respond?

My task is to answer the 2 questions, so I need to:

  • say how technology has affected relationships
  • say whether this is positive or negative

Reword the task

It’s often useful to re-word the task to make it simpler and clearer, so i could reword the task like this:

How has technology (computers, phones, apps) affected relationships? Is this good or bad?

Step 2: Decide My Position

So what do I think? What are my answers to these 2 questions? What are my main ideas? This should just be a quick step, but you will probably start to expand your ideas in this step.

How has technology affected relationships?

  • easier to stay in touch with people all over the world
  • you can have a following / audience of millions via social media

Is this positive or negative?

Generally positive. 

Step 3: Expand My Ideas

Now I need to expand or develop my ideas . This is crucial if you are aiming for a Band 7 or higher in IELTS Writing Task 2 .

Step 4: Structure My Essay

  • smartphone apps like zoom, whatsapp and skype offer cheap or free communication that lets you text or call people on the other side of the world instantly
  • in the past, letters could take weeks and international phone calls were expensive
  • people on tiktok have built following of hundreds of thousands

Generally positive:

  • Can stay in touch with family, friends, former colleagues easily, so can sustain close relationships
  • People build relationships with wider network of people, meaning access to greater social capital
  • But a lot of these relationships quite tenuous and fleeting

So that’s my plan. It’s quite detailed…which means that when I write I can focus on my language, not my ideas.

Technology has changed the kinds of relationships people make between each other in significant ways over the last twenty years. This essay will consider two of these changes and whether or not these have had positive repercussions.

One of the major impacts of technology is that it has enabled us to easily stay in touch with friends and family on the other side of the world. Thirty years ago, if you wanted to communicate with a friend or relative, you would either have written a letter (which could have taken weeks to arrive) or made an expensive international phone call. Today, we can simply send a text message on WhatsApp or call them on Zoom. These technologies are either free or low-cost, and instantaneous. So it makes maintaining relationships over a long distance much easier.

Another big change is that social media has made it possible for us to build a relationship with thousands and sometimes millions of people. Some people on TikTok, for example, have quickly built an audience of millions and most people on Facebook have hundreds of friends at least. This kind of audience-style relationship was rare before the advent of social media.

I think that in general, these changes have been positive. It is now easy to maintain and build relationships with relatives, friends and work colleagues that you may previously have lost contact with. And it’s also possible to build a wider social network of people which you can tap into for advice and support. Access to this pool of social capital was almost impossible in the past.

However, it is also true that many of these relationships, especially those on social media, can be fleeting and tenuous. Is a Facebook “friend” really a friend or just a passing acquaintance? It’s therefore important that people don’t allow such relationships to displace close, nurturing friendships.

On the whole though, technology’s affect on our ability to stay in touch with people all over the world and to access a wider range of people has been positive.

(339 words)

Useful Vocabulary

  • the kinds of relationships people make
  • in significant ways
  • positive repercussions
  • major impacts of technology
  • to easily stay in touch with
  • on the other side of the world
  • an expensive international phone call
  • instantaneous
  • built an audience of millions
  • audience-style relationship
  • the advent of social media
  • maintain and build relationships with
  • lost contact
  • tap into for advice and support
  • this pool of social capital
  • fleeting and tenuous
  • a passing acquaintance
  • close, nurturing friendships

Fill In The Blanks Exercise

Without reading the essay again, try to complete the missing words from the essay. Many of the missing words are parts of collocations or word chunks. Good luck! (The activity is best done on a desktop or laptop computer).

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IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [Agree or disagree]: Truth in Relationships

Jul 18, 2023 | IELTS Test

feat image truth in relationships model answer

The mock essay below addresses the very common Agree/Disagree task type. As you read through, think about how it fully meets the task requirement by giving a clear opinion; presenting a number of relevant ideas; and how it maintains an advanced level of vocabulary with frequent higher-level, less common terms (fundamental, critical, allowance, implications, acknowledged, anticipated etc). Over-repetition of key terms is avoided (see how we substitute honest/honesty for truth in places), and there are a number of collocations (basic requirement, smooth functioning, delivery date, thought-provoking, general rule etc) which an examiner would note in awarding a high score.

Remember how the To what extent…. wording always gives us the option to take a position along the Scale of Agreement other than completely Agree/Disagree at the extremes. In this case, our position could be summarised as Mostly Disagree.

There is also a variety of grammar forms, with frequent longer, complex sentences, but inclusion of some shorter, simple structures too, e.g This was not always done in the past.

Note too the use of passive verb forms (need to be able, are expected, may be seen etc) through several parts of the text.

The essay is structured here in a five-paragraph format as follows:

Introduction: paraphrasing the topic and question; giving a clear opinion. 1st Body Paragraph: presenting the Agree side of the issue, with an example. 2nd Body Paragraph: extending the Agree argument with a further example.

3rd Body Paragraph: presenting the other side of the issue with examples in the form of rhetorical questions. Conclusion: reinforcing the author’s opinion as stated in the Introduction.

IELTS Practice Question

image of couple holding hands

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Mock IELTS Task 2 Answer

Fundamental honesty between people is a basic requirement for a functioning society. Whether this means that always being truthful in any relationship is the most critical consideration, however, is debatable. There are some occasions when this may actually cause more harm than good.

On the one hand, people need to be able to rely on basic facts. In many relationships such as in business and dealing with officialdom, we expect that others will tell us truthfully what we need to know. For example, if we are someone’s business customer, we must be able to rely on the promised delivery date of materials as this affects the smooth functioning of our own business and our relationships with our own clients. If there is a problem, we need our supplier to be honest and tell us, in order to make allowance in some way for late delivery, or source from an alternative supplier.

As another example, consider how doctors are expected to tell patients of the full implications of a serious health condition. This was not always done in the past,. Now, though, it is generally acknowledged to be much better for people to fully understand their situation and the possible options for treatments and anticipated outcomes.

Nevertheless, there are situations, especially between friends and romantic partners where a ‘white lie’ can spare the other’s feelings. If a friend strongly urges us to see a movie which they thought was excellent, would we really say after we saw it that it was terrible, or would we instead say it was perhaps interesting or thought-provoking? If our partner asked what we thought of their new hairdo, or new suit, would we necessarily tell them we did not like it at all?

In conclusion, while ‘honesty is the best policy’ is a commendable general rule, it may not always be advisable. Avoiding hurting the feelings of those we cherish may be seen as equally important.

(321 words)

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ielts essay relationships

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Changing Lifestyle and Family Relationships IELTS Essay

In some countries the lifestyle of people is changing rapidly, and this affects family relationship. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

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It is irrefutable that in recent years, people’s lifestyles have changed a lot, and this has influenced familial relationships in many ways. Although the changing lifestyles have brought families closer in some ways, I still believe that the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages.

The main advantage of changing lifestyles especially people preferring to spend time indoors than outdoors is that it increases the time people spend with each other. For example, instead of playing sports outside today, people stay inside and watch TV with each other together at home. When people sit together, they talk more and thus it strengthens the bond between family members.

Despite the increased time spent with each other, I feel the disadvantages of these changing lifestyles are much more. Firstly, the boundaries between professional life and personal life have disappeared. People are always working, even when they are on vacation they are working. Thus, though people spend more time with each other, it is not quality time as they are focused on their work rather than on their family members. The growing addiction to the internet also has the same effect. Family members might be sitting together at home, but they are mentally not present. They are engaged in talking with their friends.

Furthermore, the increasing preference for living alone is making people much more isolated. The lack of social connection with family members is leading to an increase in feelings of depression and loneliness. The connection through phones and internet can never match the feeling of security and calm that the physical presence of a family member brings. Thus, because of these reasons I feel that changing lifestyles have harmed family relationships.

In conclusion, while there has been some increase in the time family members spend together due to changing lifestyles, overall the effect has been largely detrimental.

IELTS Essay on Family Relationships

Quickly shifting paradigms in the way people are living today is impacting their interaction with their families. This transformation does have certain benefits and drawbacks, but do they outshine each other, is a matter worthy of a deep analysis.

Undoubtedly, switchovers in the lifestyles, often resulting in nuclear family settings, has rendered more independence to individuals. They, no more, need to be dependent on the moods and preferences of others to do something. This has, in a way, helped fetch extremely satisfying experiences for many where they are able to lead a life as per their choice and, consequently, avoid clashes.

Having said that, despite many virtually venerating this new shift in the ways of life, it is really disheartening to see the way people struggling to cope with the challenges posed by living away from their families. The emotional connect, the bonhomie,  and the bonding seem to have gone missing, and it has been replaced with a strange sense of competition, where each one is trying to prove their superiority over their once closed ones with whom they shared feelings of endearment.

Moreover, the estrangement is a common sight between ones who lived and shared the space, resulting in disappearance of family and social values. The hardest hit of this change are  the young ones born in the nuclear families: they are never able to familiarize themselves with their own relatives, and end up drifting away from their family identity. In the long run it is feared that this might undo the social fabric and harm the society. ielts x pre ss

Hence, I can clearly assert that the even though hard to evade, contemporary way of living has brought in more misery, for all, than promises. It is clear that if this trend continues, society will soon be populated with those apathetical to others.

In some countries the lifestyle of people is changing rapidly IELTS Essay

It is an irrefutable fact that family is an essential aspect of everyone’s life. In this day and age, individual’s way of living is transforming quite fastly and due to this their bond with the family has impacted. This approach has both upsides and downsides, however, upsides seem to be more prominent.

In today’s fast life, people like to eat fast food, which can be ready to eat quickly. owing to this practice, elderly people in families have disputes over the eating habits of the young generation, thereby causing huge arguments among the members of the family. Thus, relationships have been influenced badly due to such scenarios.

The first and foremost reason is that these days people prefer to move out of the joint families. By living in a nuclear family, they get a lot of time to focus on their career, which eventually not possible in the joint family because they may have to get involved in household chores or they have obliged to take care of the dependent members of the joint family. For example, when a young college-going boy lives in a joint family, he has to help his family members to do some task such as for taking aunt to the doctor because she does not know how to drive whereas this kind of situation happens the least when the same young boy lives with his parents only because most parents do not like to disturb their children since they care immensely for them. Consequently, it does not only make the boy more productive but also enhances the love among the members of the nuclear families.

To fortify further, people go abroad to do jobs. For improving the living standard, talented people like to join prominent multinational companies, which pay them lucrative salaries. However, they still can stay connected with their loved ones by using technology. A case in point is that suppose if a girl goes to work in a foreign nation, she still can stay in touch with her mother and father by using Skype for calling video and audio calls anytime whether it is day and night. Resultantly, technology helps to keep the bond stronger with the family members even when they overseas. IELT S X PRE S S

While there could be some downsides of changing lifestyle on the relationship, overall it is a positive development, which enables people to achieve their career goal by staying closer to the families with the help of technology.

Lifestyle and Family IELTS Essay

Changes in society in economy, culture, entertainment, and other fields have resulted in the emergence of some new features of lifestyles which influence family relationships. I believe these new ways of life have more negative than positive connotations.

The bond among family members is weakened because of the new lifestyle. First, people love to travel more than before, and for the young, their journeys are more for enjoyment among friends rather than for quality time with their family. This contributes to reducing time spent with family members and thus loosen the ties among parents and children and among siblings. The situation is even exacerbated when the hectic learning and working schedules strip households of their meals together. Talks during meals are undoubtedly a crucial piece to complete the puzzle of healthy family relationships, but by eating out, people have lost their opportunities to develop mutual understanding and to update about each other.

However, new traits in the modern lifestyles can also be beneficial for family relationships at times. A typical example is that the habit of communication via social networks rather than face-to-face meeting helps family members who live far away from each other to show love and care through exchanges of messages and emoticons, or via voice or video calls. This new way of connection reduces trips back home of children but still keep a strong attachment with their family members. Besides, fast meals out instead of family cooking allows people to have more time for their business and cope better with the fast pace and heavy demand of the modern industrial lifestyle. ielt s x press

In conclusion, there are two sides of the impacts that changes in lifestyle have caused to connections among family members. However, it is the new way of life that slices off valuable family time, leading to broken relationships, and thus resulting in more detriments than benefits.

IELTS Writing Task 2 on Family

With a rapidly changing business and technological atmosphere, the family structure is transforming throughout the world. I think this has numerous advantages ranging from better career opportunities to greater independence. This has a major disadvantage of lack of emotional bond among family members.

The structure is changing from joint family to nuclear family. This allows younger family members to focus more on career and less on family obligations. Members of a joint family are often engaged in taking care of elderly and dependent members. A nuclear family is free of such compulsions and allows youngsters to spend more time on economically productive tasks.

Moreover, a nuclear family allows all members to stay free of any interference. A joint family not only has more than two generations living under the same roof but also several uncles, aunts, and cousins in close vicinity. This leaves little room for privacy and almost no independence. The changing family structure, on the other hand, allows separate rooms for all members and, hence, they have the independence to act according to their wish.

However, this often leads to weakening of emotional bond among people. When the family structure breaks, it leads to lesser responsibility towards others and greater individuality. This results in a selfish culture in which each member looks after her interests and not that of others. Consequently, people become more materialistic and lesser human. For example, the changing family structure in Europe has resulted in more materialism while the tribals in Asia follow the traditional family structure and have strong emotions for other members of the family.

In conclusion, though the changing family structure results in a lack of emotional bond, it is beneficial for the individual and the economy.

Lifestyle of People is Changing Rapidly Essay

It is commonly seen that these days, family relations are being affected by the rapid change in people’s lives, particularly because of social media. This essay will argue that despite there being some dangers of conflicts within families, the benefit of interacting with others far outweighs any drawback.

The primary disadvantage of using social networking sites is that individuals expend less time with their family members. This is because young people spend more time interacting with others online than talking physically. This often leads to them having disputes with their loved ones because of a lack of communication. For instance, it has been found in a recent study by The Sunday Times that individuals who spend more than two hours daily on social media apps are 48% more likely to have conflicts with family members than those who do not. However, these issues can be avoided by using the internet in moderation.

The main advantage of utilizing social media applications is that it gives people the opportunity to interact with one another, regardless of where the person is from. This is because there are many apps that allow us to communicate with anybody at the touch of a button because of the internet, whereas this was not possible in the past. This significantly helps people strengthen their relationships with their loved ones. Facebook and Skype are the prime examples, which allow individuals to converse with anybody around the world. Therefore, I believe this is beneficial for people because it facilitates interaction with others.

In conclusion, the benefit of communication with each other using social media far outweighs the supposed disadvantage of disputes with family members.

Also Check: Housing Shortage in Big Cities IELTS Essay

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In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects..... (IELTS Band 9 Essay)

Updated: Mar 8

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships.

Do you think advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

You should write at least 250 words.

Task 2 Band 9 Essay Sample (In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. )

Get your personalised  IELTS Essay Feedback   from a former examiner

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Sample Essay 1

Nowadays, in large part of the world, human life is experiencing quite considerable changes which are impacting on their familial interaction. Though the busy modern lifestyle, based on technological revolution, has brought an opportunity to maintain a constant online contact, this essay believes that this trend is never compensating the gap of a real connection, rather it is inviting serious drawbacks. I am going to elucidate the idea in more detail.

To begin with, previously there was a time when people needed to travel to see their families, whereas now, regardless of their distance, family members can stay connected via different online platforms. Without going anywhere, they can establish real time audio-visual contact via different incredible online platforms, such as Facebook, Skype, Zoom etc. Not merely communication, they are also giving instant supports by means of ubiquitous shipment services. For instance, now parents can pay their child’s abroad tuition fees instantly just by a click on their online account, or simply by tapping on their smartphone.

On the other hand, the modern lifestyle is not free from blame when it comes to a true relationship. Due to the unprecedented ease of connection, people are mostly unintentionally stuck in multitasking, such as they are talking over phone, watching tv, and working on laptop simultaneously. This type of communication is creating an insidious damage in terms of deep and natural familial interaction. This contact style is lack of attentive listening and understanding the speaker, thereby missing a vicarious presence in the conversation. As a result, family members are losing the feeling of attachment and ending up with breaking down, which has a trickledown effect in their overall life.

To conclude, despite some minor advantages regarding the effect of fast and advanced form of human life on family, I believe that the serious drawbacks like unstable relationship and vulnerable mental condition in between family members obviously have more weight to consider.

Sample Essay 2

Nowadays, the way families are living their everyday life is changing fast. This trend has both benefits and drawbacks in terms of its influence on the interaction between family members. However, I think that this change has more negative effects than positive ones since it will ultimately change what family really means.

On the one hand, it has become nearly difficult for families to spend meaningful time together as a result of the fast-paced atmosphere of people's lives. Nowadays, the majority of families require both parents to work full time. Kids have eaten their lunch by the time they get home, resulting in the absence of the vital time spent together between parents and children. For instance, one of the most significant meals in traditional households is supper, when parents may teach their children etiquette or other essential things. Thus, parents would miss the opportunity to engage with their kids emotionally and listen to what they have to say.

On the other hand, in the majority of our families both parents are working full time, so children can learn to be more independent in the future because they have probably already mastered the skills necessary to prepare simple meals for themselves, carry out other tasks, and schedule time to manage their homework after school. Additionally, this benefit enables parents to advance in their careers and increase family income. For instance, feelings do not have to stay home to just cook and clean the house as, nowadays they are able to work and be financially independent.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that these quick changes had far greater negative consequences on familial ties in the long term, even though this trend has some positives, such as the independence of kids and financial gain for the families.

Sample Essay 3

All over the world, people’s lifestyles are altered by their busy work schedules. These modifications are seen negative by many, as they can lead to a lack of communication between family members. However, others think that such development results in a better income for families. The following paragraphs will discuss why the disadvantages of these alterations outweigh the advantages.

To begin with, the alteration in people’s daily lives leads to a lack of communication among family members. People are becoming busier at work, thereby spending less time with their families. As a result, families are lacking in proper communication and bonding. As caregivers, for instance, are becoming busier at work, nuclear families are no longer gathering to eat together. Therefore, the relationship between the two parties is harmed, which might even result into worse in the long run.

On the other side, people working over-time means better resources. With this higher income, parents can afford to own more for their offspring. But this financial well-being comes at the expense of family ties. That is why, in terms of children’s proper growth, phycologists tend to give more emphasis on parents’ mental and physical presence, rather than merely obeying their every material demand. In other words, being present physically to your family is more beneficial than just giving a financial support.

To conclude, the fast changes in people’s lifestyles are heavily affecting family relationships, since it leads to a less communicating and an inadequate interaction among the members. Although this modification means a better income for families, it affects them negatively in the long term. Therefore, considering the familial bonding, the disadvantages of people’s fast lifestyle changing are clearly outweighing advantages.

Sample Essay 4

All over the world, people’s lifestyles are transforming with their busy work schedules. Though some people consider such a development result in a better income for families, in my opinion, they lead to a lack of communication between family members on the long run. The following paragraphs will elucidate why the disadvantages of these alterations outweigh the advantages.

Nowadays, the fast-paced environment of people’s lives has been changing the boundary of the families, it is almost impossible that they could spend quality time together anymore. These days, the general level of income has become relatively lower. That is why, to stretch out salaries all through the month, most of the parents are required to work full time. As a result, by the time they arrive home, offspring have had their meal. Eventually, parents and children cannot have the valuable time together which is must for the children’s proper raising.

In addition, parents would lose the chance to listen to their children or build a strong emotional connection with them. For example, dinner was one of the most important meals in the traditional families, it used to give both parents and children a chance to interact closely and convey messages to the Kids regarding the right manners or other valuable lessons. But this incredible chapter is becoming obsolete because of the unprecedented changes in the modern lifestyle. As a result, lesser parental time is not only depriving children from gaining a proper growth, but also it is breeding childhood traumas which can eventually lead to an adult mental illness.

To conclude, with the advent of modernization and the resulting financial strain, parents are getting heavily involved in their professional aspect and earning better money, but it has an extremely detrimental impact on their children’s proper growth in the long run. This is how the disadvantages of people’s new lifestyle are obviously outweighing its advantages.

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IELTS Essay Topic: Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people.

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  • Updated on  
  • May 16, 2023

Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people.

Q- Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Ans- Honesty and truthfulness are essential values that form the foundation of any relationship between people. While some individuals argue that always telling the truth is the most important consideration, others contend that there may be exceptions where withholding the truth may be necessary. I partially agree with this and in this essay, I will discuss the importance of truthfulness in any relationship while exploring situations where it may be necessary to withhold or delay the truth.

The primary reason why truthfulness is important in any relationship is that it establishes trust between individuals. When people are honest with each other, they can rely on each other’s words and actions, which strengthens their bond. For instance, in a romantic relationship, partners who are truthful with each other can trust each other with their vulnerabilities, which can deepen their intimacy and strengthen their connection. On the other hand, if individuals lie or withhold the truth, it can erode trust and damage the relationship over time. Furthermore, honesty promotes open communication, which is crucial for any relationship to thrive. When individuals are truthful with each other, they can communicate freely without fear of judgment or repercussion. This fosters a safe environment where both parties can express their opinions and feelings, which can help resolve conflicts and deepen their understanding of each other. In contrast, dishonesty can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and ultimately, the breakdown of the relationship.

However, there may be instances where telling the truth may cause harm or have negative consequences. In such cases, it may be necessary to withhold or delay the truth. For example, if a person is undergoing a difficult time, revealing the truth may cause further distress. In such cases, it may be better to wait for an appropriate time to reveal the truth or to deliver it in a way that is gentle and compassionate. Moreover, in certain situations, the truth may be withheld to protect the safety or well-being of an individual or a group.

In conclusion, always telling the truth is crucial in any relationship as it establishes trust and promotes open communication. However, there may be situations where withholding or delaying the truth may be necessary. Therefore, individuals should prioritize honesty and truthfulness in their relationships, but also exercise discretion and compassion when dealing with delicate or sensitive issues. By doing so, individuals can build healthy and enduring relationships that are based on trust, respect, and understanding.

Outline statement:  Honesty and truthfulness are essential values that form the foundation of any relationship between people.

Paraphrased statement:  While some individuals argue that always telling the truth is the most important consideration, others contend that there may be exceptions where withholding the truth may be necessary.

Thesis statement:  I partially agree with this and in this essay, I will discuss the importance of truthfulness in any relationship while exploring situations where it may be necessary to withhold or delay the truth.

Body paragraph 1-Topic sentence: The primary reason why truthfulness is important in any relationship is that it establishes trust between individuals.

Body paragraph 1- Supporting evidence:  When people are honest with each other, they can rely on each other’s words and actions, which strengthens their bond. For instance, in a romantic relationship, partners who are truthful with each other can trust each other with their vulnerabilities, which can deepen their intimacy and strengthen their connection. On the other hand, if individuals lie or withhold the truth, it can erode trust and damage the relationship over time.

Body paragraph 1- Analysis: Furthermore, honesty promotes open communication, which is crucial for any relationship to thrive. When individuals are truthful with each other, they can communicate freely without fear of judgment or repercussion. This fosters a safe environment where both parties can express their opinions and feelings, which can help resolve conflicts and deepen their understanding of each other. In contrast, dishonesty can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and ultimately, the breakdown of the relationship.

Body paragraph 2- Topic sentence: However, there may be instances where telling the truth may cause harm or have negative consequences.

Body paragraph 2- Supporting evidence: In such cases, it may be necessary to withhold or delay the truth.

Body paragraph 2- Analysis:  For example, if a person is undergoing a difficult time, revealing the truth may cause further distress. In such cases, it may be better to wait for an appropriate time to reveal the truth or to deliver it in a way that is gentle and compassionate. Moreover, in certain situations, the truth may be withheld to protect the safety or well-being of an individual or a group.

Conclusion: In conclusion, always telling the truth is crucial in any relationship as it establishes trust and promotes open communication. However, there may be situations where withholding or delaying the truth may be necessary. Therefore, individuals should prioritize honesty and truthfulness in their relationships, but also exercise discretion and compassion when dealing with delicate or sensitive issues. By doing so, individuals can build healthy and enduring relationships that are based on trust, respect, and understanding.

Vocabulary 

Honesty and truthfulness are essential values that form the foundation of any relationship between people. While some individuals argue that always telling the truth is the most important consideration , others contend that there may be exceptions where withholding the truth may be necessary. I partially agree with this and in this essay, I will discuss the importance of truthfulness in any relationship while exploring situations where it may be necessary to withhold or delay the truth.

The primary reason why truthfulness is important in any relationship is that it establishes trust between individuals. When people are honest with each other, they can rely on each other’s words and actions, which strengthens their bond. For instance, in a romantic relationship, partners who are truthful with each other can trust each other with their vulnerabilities , which can deepen their intimacy and strengthen their connection. On the other hand, if individuals lie or withhold the truth, it can erode trust and damage the relationship over time. Furthermore, honesty promotes open communication, which is crucial for any relationship to thrive. When individuals are truthful with each other, they can communicate freely without fear of judgment or repercussion . This fosters a safe environment where both parties can express their opinions and feelings, which can help resolve conflicts and deepen their understanding of each other. In contrast, dishonesty can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and ultimately, the breakdown of the relationship.

However, there may be instances where telling the truth may cause harm or have negative consequences . In such cases, it may be necessary to withhold or delay the truth. For example, if a person is undergoing a difficult time, revealing the truth may cause further distress . In such cases, it may be better to wait for an appropriate time to reveal the truth or to deliver it in a way that is gentle and compassionate . Moreover, in certain situations, the truth may be withheld to protect the safety or well-being of an individual or a group.

Linkers and Connectors Used in this Essay

Linkers and connectors used in this essay are:

  • Furthermore
  • For instance
  • On the other hand
  • In contrast
  • In conclusion
  • Ultimately 

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IELTS Task 2 Writing – Relationships at workplace

ielts essay relationships

You should take about 40 minutes for this task.

Many companies are strongly against having personal relationships in the workplace and impose strict policies against it. Do you agree or disagree with this practice? 

A lot of businesses oppose having love relationships in the place of work and create company regulations to dissuade employees from engaging in such interactions. Are you in favour or against this ideology?   

  • Both agree and disagree 
  • Choose one side to agree or disagree***

In this case, it is better to approach this essay as one side supported by two clear points because logically, you cannot have both. 

(Idiom) “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” 

Include any relevant explanations and examples from your own experience.

Write at LEAST 250 words.

STEP 1 –  Paraphrase the question using, synonyms, antonym + negatives, grammar, description. This will help you to understand the question, think deeply about this idea, and gather some useful vocabulary.

STEP 2 –  Identify the TOPIC and Controlling Idea

TOPIC = personal relationships in the workplace

Controlling Idea = Whether or not this should be allowed

STEP 3 –  Think critically about the TOPIC and CI – ask “What” “Why” and “How”

TOPIC – personal relationships in the workplace

Q: What is a personal relationship at the workplace?

A: a romantic relationship, forming strong emotional bonds to have boyfriend, girlfriend, friend connections that are not focused on work related topics. 

Q: Why are people prone (likely) to form personal relationships at work?

A: Employees spend a lot of time together daily which facilitates (create the opportunity) emotional attachment.

Q: How does this happen? (examples – *VISUALIZE)

A: They work on projects together, their desks are side-by-side, they talk about personal feelings and ask to go on a date. They keep in touch outside work. 

Critical Thinking – CI

Q: What are the regulations put into place to discourage personal relationships work?

A: The consequence of getting a warning and then being fired from work. 

Why do companies impose regulations to discourage personal relationships in the office?

To ensure that employees are as efficient as possible with their work related tasks (Employees lose focus and become less efficient when they have relationships at work.)

To create a professional atmosphere that preserves the overall image of the company. 

To avoid conflict of interest

To avoid conflict

To avoid liability

To maintain integrity

How does this happen? (Think again of examples)

A lawyer is fired from her law firm for having a relationship with her legal aid as she was found sharing sensitive client information.

…leads to malpractice.  

***1. Make sure to clearly separate your What/Why/How for the TOPIC vs. Controlling Idea.

***2. Make sure to clearly separate the What/Why/How questions from each other. 

***Do NOT refer to the location of information in the text of a short essay, it is awkward. “I agree with the above statement”. Or “This essay will discuss below.”

Introductory Paragraph – hook, background, thesis

(Hook) It is common for colleagues to develop personal relationships through their employment because of their frequent time spent together. (BG) Nevertheless, companies are often in strong opposition to emotionally charged bonds at the workplace and discourage such activity with threats of terminating employment. (thesis) I agree that for the interest of business, personal connections should be regulated by policy as companies must maintain efficiency and reputation. 

BODY 1 – (maintaining efficiency 🡪 topic sentence, explanation, example, connecting sentence)

Dissuading personal interactions in a work establishment leads to fewer distractions, more focus on work, and therefore, greater productivity of goods and services which ultimately leads to revenue and growth. (Explanation – quantitative language, visual language) When an employee thinks twice about spending two hours of an eight-hour-workday chitchatting about emotions to their partner, they are able to either manufacture 25% more goods in that time or serve a quarter more clients. (Example – the real world, empathetic, impactful) I recently changed my family doctor because the nurse and physician at my old clinic were constantly discussing personal issues rather than helping patients, and as a result of this, my wait times for seeing the doctor were over one hour! (Connecting sentence – simple, reflect the original question) This is one of two reasons that I support company policies that forbid personal relationships in the office. 

BODY 2 – (reputation of the company – topic sentence, explanation, example)

Furthermore, companies can suffer from the loss of their image and integrity when their employees are focused on emotional bonds among each other rather than presenting a professional attitude towards clients and the industry. In situations where clients feel underserved, or even ignored, a company can get bad reviews and even become vulnerable to legal disputes if the actions of distracted employees lead to harm to society and customers. I recently heard that my old clinic is being sued for malpractice because the doctor and the nurse were so distracted by their intimacy that the nurse gave too much medication to a patient which led to a near death experience. 

In conclusion, having interpersonal connections at work leads to decreased efficiency and increased liability. Therefore, I strongly encourage companies to implement policies against such behavior for the benefit and long-term success of the business. Ultimately, employees are being paid to work and not to date and play. 

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Technology and Communication – IELTS Writing Task 2

Courtney Miller

Updated On Oct 27, 2021

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Technology and Communication – IELTS Writing Task 2

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Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

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Opinion essay

Introduction

Paraphrase the topic of the essay (The impacts of digital communication on human relationships have long been a topic of controversy).

Give an insight into your viewpoint (From my perspective, modern means of communication may sabotage one’s relationships with other people).

Paragraph 1- Nowadays, various features such as built-in cameras and interactive games have been added to the mobile phone, making it multifunctional and thus even more popular. However, I believe the omnipresence of mobile phones in particular, or digital communication tools in general, often interferes with the bonding time that people share and thus has a negative influence on interpersonal relationships.

Paragraph 2- Some people use mobile phones mainly for virtual social networks, and notifications and messages from these sites may prevent them from having intimate conversations with their loved ones.

Conclude the topic by summing up your views and the extract of the essay.

Sample Essay

The impacts of digital communication on human relationships have long been a topic of controversy. From my perspective, modern means of communication may sabotage one’s relationships with other people.

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The most typical example of today’s communication technology is the mobile phone. Originally designed to provide people with instant access to telecommunication, it has become indispensable for most people in modern society. Nowadays, various features such as built-in cameras and interactive games have been added to the mobile phone, making it multifunctional and thus even more popular. However, I believe the omnipresence of mobile phones in particular, or digital communication tools in general, often interferes with the bonding time that people share and thus has a negative influence on interpersonal relationships. There is compelling evidence for my belief. If people use mobile phones for work purposes, business calls may disrupt any real-life conversations they have. This is the case for millions of working people who may have overlooked the importance of having smooth and uninterrupted conversations with other people. They may be unaware that relationships are at risk of eroding when people spend less quality time with each other. Also, if people use mobile phones to play games, the constant urge to complete game missions may disengage them from social gatherings. For example, many teenagers sacrifice real-life socialising time for mobile game playing time. In the long term, this would be likely to cause friends to drift apart.

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Some people use mobile phones mainly for virtual social networks, and notifications and messages from these sites may prevent them from having intimate conversations with their loved ones. There are many real examples of couples on the verge of breaking up because one or both partners have grown overly attached to social network applications on mobile phones, and they find it hard to maintain a sense of intimacy.

 Although most people use mobile phones for all personal as well as professional reasons and consequently, they need to pay constant attention to their phone, however, potentially isolating those in their company. In this way, mobile phones may dull real-life interactions and affect relationships as a result.

In brief, the constant distraction of modern communication devices such as mobile phones may cause the breakdown of numerous social relationships.

Band 9 Sample Essay

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Ever since the era of technology emerged, life has changed dramatically. Today where every second thing is being operated by digital contrivances, some ill effects have come floating by, as well. Generally, people put forth that the current digital scenario and communication devices and interfaces particularly have impeded and halted conventional interactions. I agree with this notion and shall be illustrating the same in the forthcoming paragraphs.

It is an inevitable truth that digitization has made our arduous lives extremely cosy and that it nearly ineluctable tangent that we all are on today. However, the impact it has had on social relationships are undeniably true. Family gatherings, outings and various other aspects of live communication have been trampled down upon with the uprising of online social networks. One to one discussion has been displaced by social media, the family time has been subjugated by facetime and webcams. Mobile phones have been the major disruptive cause in evicting out the person to person verbal communication. Owing to this sociability and amicability has been corroded off to substantial capacity. 

Secondly, people while being there in an online medium and e-communication transmission mask their realities to a larger level where it is hard to discern as to what one person is gravely going through behind the lenses. Moreover, a sense of harmony and connectedness has been deeply lacerated as one can’t get through the emotional streamline of others as well as it is in the case of one to one conversation. In addition to that, work from home, online schooling and internet parties can never compare and become congruent to the essence of offline setup. The gist and feel of very communication without screen barriers have definitely been exacerbated by the day to day unstinted techno-growth. Due to this, the communication gaps, misconstruction, misconception and misunderstandings have been preponderant and therefore, the relations have turned rancorous. For instance, many times the people who tend to be at loggerheads, resolve and laugh out the grudges they had post figuring out how paltry the issue was that could have never had been aired had the communication was in an offline environment. 

Though online communication tools are the need of the hour, the way it has obliterated and debilitated the lines of personal communication with a tinge of conversing effectively is indisputably true as well.

Therefore, in the conclusion, it could be stated that the layer of social harmony and personal belongingness has indeed been excruciated by the pillars and towers of online networking, where people communicate only when they are extremely in need of, thereby making them recluse and secluded.

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Courtney Miller

Courtney Miller

Courtney is one of our star content writers as she plays multiple roles. She is a phenomenal researcher and provides extensive articles to students. She is also an IELTS Trainer and an extremely good content writer. Courtney completed her English Masters at Kings College London, and has been a part of our team for more than 3 years. She has worked with the British Council and knows the tricks and tips of IELTS.

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Post your Comments

ielts essay relationships

Posted on Dec 25, 2023

Hi. Hope you are well. I was wondering if it is okay to write ” I rather/partly agree with this statement ” in “Do you agree or disagree?” questions. More specifically in terms of Task Response and Coherence and Cohesion.

Many Thanks

IELTS Expert

IELTS Expert

Posted on Dec 26, 2023

Hello Setareh The expression suggested is very much mechanical in nature for coherence, thus should be avoided if you require bands above 7. Regarding Task Response, you can only use such an expression for the question which states ” to how much extent you agree or disagree”. Understanding the Parameters of IELTS is essential to Score good Bands, For a Detailed and Better Understanding of them, Avail a FREE Demo Session here.

ielts essay relationships

Zhan-han-han

Posted on Dec 14, 2023

In the era of digitalisation, the huge reliance on information technology to change the world in a unique way is no longer a fresh perspective. The advent of AI adoption and vast social media interaction is partly blended into human’s daily life. As a result, it ramps up the globalisation and distance between people is getting shorter as digital technology integrates people around the globe. On the flip side, negative consequences have been imposed on deteriorating social relationship. Regarding this statement, I am on the same wavelength with the stated opinion by providing strong reasoning as below.

First, the innovation of present communication technology has established an adamant fact that it changes human lives by accelerating the socioeconomic changes. There are a lot of built-in apps and online games available for people to explore by using their sophisticated mobile phones. Nonetheless, excessive reliance on the mobile phones will aggravate the fundamental relationship-building with people in real life. According to a publication, the teenagers and young adults have spent an average of 4 hours daily on their mobile phones. The result indicates that they devote most of their leisure time on gluing to the mobile screens apart from working or studying. Moreover, most parents reveal the truth that their children enter their rooms once they are back from school. This negative and worrying phenomenon has been invading the original social life as an adult, and they are ignoring in fostering a genuine relationship with their loved ones through face-to-face conversation. In the meantime, the addictive behaviours on playing online games among teenagers inhibit their intellectual skills as this may impact how they think, interact and work when they are entering the working society.

Second, the online education and various virtual meetings have been promoted since the outbreak of the COVID-19 which restrict people from engaging in real world environment. The rise in the digital adoption has particularly provided convenience to majority of people as they have the chance to obtain learning certificates from prestigious institutions in the view of ensuring a stable internet connection during the lesson. Despite these conveniences, the virtual studying environment is simply incomparable to the physical learning condition as most of the lectures could not detect the implicit or verbal behaviours of the students to acknowledge whether they are fully comprehending their lectures. This certainly makes the learning outcome less desirable compared to conventional teaching method. For instance, I am the living example who currently pursuing an online MBA program. In fact, I have lost the real opportunities to have a post-class discussion with my classmates or lecturers as there was a time limit being imposed on the live session. In accordance with these constraints, I had to post my questions by sending e-mail and Whatsapp messages which increases the communication cost due to longer time taken for replies. This poses some barriers on me in fortifying relationship with faculty members and fellow classmates.

As whole, I am advocating strongly that unintended social consequences are eminent due to extensive use of advanced communication technology. Although online communication provides fresh alternatives to expand the choice of communication medium, this tool should not be supplanting the primary use of communication tool via physical interaction. As a fact, digital communication tool is providing supplementary outlet for the role of real-world communication when someone is not available for meet-ups.

Posted on Dec 15, 2023

Overall Band: 6.5 Main ideas are extended and supported but there is over-generalisation and lack of focus and precision in supporting ideas.A mix of simple and complex sentence forms is used but flexibility is limited.

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Communication Technology Essay

This Communication Technology Essay is about how relationships have been impacted. This is the question:

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. 

In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? 

Is this a positive or negative development?

Understanding the Task

You should be able to see that there are two parts that need to be answered:

The first part is about general effects and the second part is asking for your opinion about this. 

So it doesn't easily fit into an essay 'type'.

Don't worry about this. If you have learned to recognize different types of essay but you find one that does not seem to fit any, just focus on working out exactly what you are being asked. 

So in this one you have to brainstorm some ideas about the way relationships have changed. 

Stating your Opinion

For the second part you need to decide if it is positive or negative, or both. 

Choosing one side and writing about it is probably the simplest way to approach it. In other words:

  • Body 1: The way relationships have changed
  • Body 2: The negative impacts (or positive)

Although it says ' positive or negative ', it's YOUR opinion, so if you decide it is both it is fine to say this as long as you  make it clear . 

In this model Communication Technology Essay, the writer has stated that it is both positive and negative.

  • Body 1: The way relationships have changed (positive)
  • Body 2: The negative impacts

When you take a look at the model answer, you'll see the writer has discussed the new types of relationships and labelled them as positive, but then gone on to look at the negative sides.

ielts essay relationships

There are usually several ways you can approach and organize an essay, not just one. As long as it is coherent and answers the question, that is fine. 

Now take a look at the model answer and the comments below. 

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. 

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Write at least 250 words.

Model Answer:

It is evident that technology has transformed the ways of communication and influenced relationships in a variety of ways. In my opinion, there are both positive and negative effects of this.

The principal way in which relationships have been affected is that they tend to be at a distance rather than face-to-face. The advent of the internet has made it easy for business owners to communicate across the world, with remote job opportunities one call away. Online educational programs are available for people residing in different countries, and it is no longer a dream to attend live classes from the comfortable environment of a home. Not only this, the social platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube have revolutionized relationships, be it making online friendships with people from other countries or staying in touch with loved ones. Based on this perspective, technology has influenced relationships in a positive way. 

However, despite these advances, the quality of interaction has significantly declined in several respects. If people are developing most of their relationships online, this means that they may also have less fact-to-face contact. This kind of contact on a personal level is important for human beings to feel wanted and a part of society. This may be a particular problem for children's social development as they used to be seen playing out on the streets but are now too often indoors. Technology can also mean people are detached from what is going on around them even when they are out, as can be seen by the many people staring into their mobile phones as they travel or walk around. 

In conclusion, technology has brought some positive development in the ways people interact with each other. However, there are also some negative impacts of technology on the types of relationships people make. 

(299 Words)

This Communication Technology Essay would get a good score for the following reasons.

It fully answers the question, setting out the way the types of relationships people make have changed (they tend to be ' online ') and then expanding on this by giving examples. 

A balanced opinion is also clearly explained, with the impacts in the first body paragraph seen to be positive, and the second body paragraph dedicated to explaining the negative points.

The essay is also clearly organised and coherent, with the opinion clearly stated and the body paragraphs clearly each focused on one central idea.

There is also good vocabulary used and good collocations. For example:

  • advent of the internet
  • remote job opportunities
  • social platforms
  • revolutionized relationships
  • people are detached from 

The grammar shows accuracy and a wide range of structures are used. 

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Essay#67 | Relationship with Neighbours

Ielts writing module.

The IELTS writing task 2 in the General Training module is always a discursive  essay question that requires you to write about a contemporary social issue. You are given a point of view, an argument, or a problem, and are asked for your opinion. The following are some of the typical tasks that you might be required to do:

  • Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of something.
  • Outline the reasons for a problem and suggest solutions.
  • Express views on an issue.
  • State whether you agree or disagree with a view.
  • Take a side in an argument over an issue.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.

What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Model answer.

In the past, neighbours formed an important part of people’s social lives and they helped them when they had problems. Nowadays, people often do not even know their neighbours and in consequence, they live much more isolated lives.

There are a number of reasons why we have less contact with our neighbours. Firstly, our lifestyles are more mobile. This means people may change the area where they live quite frequently and this causes their relationships with their neighbours to be more superficial. Secondly, nowadays people often live and work in different places. This leads to people forming closer relationships with work colleagues than the ones they have with their neighbours. Finally, modern lifestyles make us spend more time inside our houses watching television, and when we go out, we travel by car. Consequently, we do not speak to the people in our neighbourhood so much.

There are a number of ways in which I think contact between neighbours can be improved. First of all, local authorities can provide communal areas such as playgrounds for children and community halls so that there are places where neighbours can meet and make friends. Next, I think that when new neighbours come to the street, the people living there ought to introduce themselves and welcome them. Lastly, people living in a street or small district should form neighbourhood associations and meet regularly to discuss the things which affect them.

In conclusion, these suggestions will probably not make neighbours as important in our lives as they were in the past. However, they will help our relationships with our neighbours to become more useful and valuable.

In the past, neighbours formed an important part of people’s social lives and they helped them when they had problems. Nowadays, people often do not even know their neighbours and in consequence they live much more isolated lives.

(270 words)

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The Case for Marrying an Older Man

A woman’s life is all work and little rest. an age gap relationship can help..

ielts essay relationships

In the summer, in the south of France, my husband and I like to play, rather badly, the lottery. We take long, scorching walks to the village — gratuitous beauty, gratuitous heat — kicking up dust and languid debates over how we’d spend such an influx. I purchase scratch-offs, jackpot tickets, scraping the former with euro coins in restaurants too fine for that. I never cash them in, nor do I check the winning numbers. For I already won something like the lotto, with its gifts and its curses, when he married me.

He is ten years older than I am. I chose him on purpose, not by chance. As far as life decisions go, on balance, I recommend it.

When I was 20 and a junior at Harvard College, a series of great ironies began to mock me. I could study all I wanted, prove myself as exceptional as I liked, and still my fiercest advantage remained so universal it deflated my other plans. My youth. The newness of my face and body. Compellingly effortless; cruelly fleeting. I shared it with the average, idle young woman shrugging down the street. The thought, when it descended on me, jolted my perspective, the way a falling leaf can make you look up: I could diligently craft an ideal existence, over years and years of sleepless nights and industry. Or I could just marry it early.

So naturally I began to lug a heavy suitcase of books each Saturday to the Harvard Business School to work on my Nabokov paper. In one cavernous, well-appointed room sat approximately 50 of the planet’s most suitable bachelors. I had high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step that had yet to run out. Apologies to Progress, but older men still desired those things.

I could not understand why my female classmates did not join me, given their intelligence. Each time I reconsidered the project, it struck me as more reasonable. Why ignore our youth when it amounted to a superpower? Why assume the burdens of womanhood, its too-quick-to-vanish upper hand, but not its brief benefits at least? Perhaps it came easier to avoid the topic wholesale than to accept that women really do have a tragically short window of power, and reason enough to take advantage of that fact while they can. As for me, I liked history, Victorian novels, knew of imminent female pitfalls from all the books I’d read: vampiric boyfriends; labor, at the office and in the hospital, expected simultaneously; a decline in status as we aged, like a looming eclipse. I’d have disliked being called calculating, but I had, like all women, a calculator in my head. I thought it silly to ignore its answers when they pointed to an unfairness for which we really ought to have been preparing.

I was competitive by nature, an English-literature student with all the corresponding major ambitions and minor prospects (Great American novel; email job). A little Bovarist , frantic for new places and ideas; to travel here, to travel there, to be in the room where things happened. I resented the callow boys in my class, who lusted after a particular, socially sanctioned type on campus: thin and sexless, emotionally detached and socially connected, the opposite of me. Restless one Saturday night, I slipped on a red dress and snuck into a graduate-school event, coiling an HDMI cord around my wrist as proof of some technical duty. I danced. I drank for free, until one of the organizers asked me to leave. I called and climbed into an Uber. Then I promptly climbed out of it. For there he was, emerging from the revolving doors. Brown eyes, curved lips, immaculate jacket. I went to him, asked him for a cigarette. A date, days later. A second one, where I discovered he was a person, potentially my favorite kind: funny, clear-eyed, brilliant, on intimate terms with the universe.

I used to love men like men love women — that is, not very well, and with a hunger driven only by my own inadequacies. Not him. In those early days, I spoke fondly of my family, stocked the fridge with his favorite pasta, folded his clothes more neatly than I ever have since. I wrote his mother a thank-you note for hosting me in his native France, something befitting a daughter-in-law. It worked; I meant it. After graduation and my fellowship at Oxford, I stayed in Europe for his career and married him at 23.

Of course I just fell in love. Romances have a setting; I had only intervened to place myself well. Mainly, I spotted the precise trouble of being a woman ahead of time, tried to surf it instead of letting it drown me on principle. I had grown bored of discussions of fair and unfair, equal or unequal , and preferred instead to consider a thing called ease.

The reception of a particular age-gap relationship depends on its obviousness. The greater and more visible the difference in years and status between a man and a woman, the more it strikes others as transactional. Transactional thinking in relationships is both as American as it gets and the least kosher subject in the American romantic lexicon. When a 50-year-old man and a 25-year-old woman walk down the street, the questions form themselves inside of you; they make you feel cynical and obscene: How good of a deal is that? Which party is getting the better one? Would I take it? He is older. Income rises with age, so we assume he has money, at least relative to her; at minimum, more connections and experience. She has supple skin. Energy. Sex. Maybe she gets a Birkin. Maybe he gets a baby long after his prime. The sight of their entwined hands throws a lucid light on the calculations each of us makes, in love, to varying degrees of denial. You could get married in the most romantic place in the world, like I did, and you would still have to sign a contract.

Twenty and 30 is not like 30 and 40; some freshness to my features back then, some clumsiness in my bearing, warped our decade, in the eyes of others, to an uncrossable gulf. Perhaps this explains the anger we felt directed at us at the start of our relationship. People seemed to take us very, very personally. I recall a hellish car ride with a friend of his who began to castigate me in the backseat, in tones so low that only I could hear him. He told me, You wanted a rich boyfriend. You chased and snuck into parties . He spared me the insult of gold digger, but he drew, with other words, the outline for it. Most offended were the single older women, my husband’s classmates. They discussed me in the bathroom at parties when I was in the stall. What does he see in her? What do they talk about? They were concerned about me. They wielded their concern like a bludgeon. They paraphrased without meaning to my favorite line from Nabokov’s Lolita : “You took advantage of my disadvantage,” suspecting me of some weakness he in turn mined. It did not disturb them, so much, to consider that all relationships were trades. The trouble was the trade I’d made struck them as a bad one.

The truth is you can fall in love with someone for all sorts of reasons, tiny transactions, pluses and minuses, whose sum is your affection for each other, your loyalty, your commitment. The way someone picks up your favorite croissant. Their habit of listening hard. What they do for you on your anniversary and your reciprocal gesture, wrapped thoughtfully. The serenity they inspire; your happiness, enlivening it. When someone says they feel unappreciated, what they really mean is you’re in debt to them.

When I think of same-age, same-stage relationships, what I tend to picture is a woman who is doing too much for too little.

I’m 27 now, and most women my age have “partners.” These days, girls become partners quite young. A partner is supposed to be a modern answer to the oppression of marriage, the terrible feeling of someone looming over you, head of a household to which you can only ever be the neck. Necks are vulnerable. The problem with a partner, however, is if you’re equal in all things, you compromise in all things. And men are too skilled at taking .

There is a boy out there who knows how to floss because my friend taught him. Now he kisses college girls with fresh breath. A boy married to my friend who doesn’t know how to pack his own suitcase. She “likes to do it for him.” A million boys who know how to touch a woman, who go to therapy because they were pushed, who learned fidelity, boundaries, decency, manners, to use a top sheet and act humanely beneath it, to call their mothers, match colors, bring flowers to a funeral and inhale, exhale in the face of rage, because some girl, some girl we know, some girl they probably don’t speak to and will never, ever credit, took the time to teach him. All while she was working, raising herself, clawing up the cliff-face of adulthood. Hauling him at her own expense.

I find a post on Reddit where five thousand men try to define “ a woman’s touch .” They describe raised flower beds, blankets, photographs of their loved ones, not hers, sprouting on the mantel overnight. Candles, coasters, side tables. Someone remembering to take lint out of the dryer. To give compliments. I wonder what these women are getting back. I imagine them like Cinderella’s mice, scurrying around, their sole proof of life their contributions to a more central character. On occasion I meet a nice couple, who grew up together. They know each other with a fraternalism tender and alien to me.  But I think of all my friends who failed at this, were failed at this, and I think, No, absolutely not, too risky . Riskier, sometimes, than an age gap.

My younger brother is in his early 20s, handsome, successful, but in many ways: an endearing disaster. By his age, I had long since wisened up. He leaves his clothes in the dryer, takes out a single shirt, steams it for three minutes. His towel on the floor, for someone else to retrieve. His lovely, same-age girlfriend is aching to fix these tendencies, among others. She is capable beyond words. Statistically, they will not end up together. He moved into his first place recently, and she, the girlfriend, supplied him with a long, detailed list of things he needed for his apartment: sheets, towels, hangers, a colander, which made me laugh. She picked out his couch. I will bet you anything she will fix his laundry habits, and if so, they will impress the next girl. If they break up, she will never see that couch again, and he will forget its story. I tell her when I visit because I like her, though I get in trouble for it: You shouldn’t do so much for him, not for someone who is not stuck with you, not for any boy, not even for my wonderful brother.

Too much work had left my husband, by 30, jaded and uninspired. He’d burned out — but I could reenchant things. I danced at restaurants when they played a song I liked. I turned grocery shopping into an adventure, pleased by what I provided. Ambitious, hungry, he needed someone smart enough to sustain his interest, but flexible enough in her habits to build them around his hours. I could. I do: read myself occupied, make myself free, materialize beside him when he calls for me. In exchange, I left a lucrative but deadening spreadsheet job to write full-time, without having to live like a writer. I learned to cook, a little, and decorate, somewhat poorly. Mostly I get to read, to walk central London and Miami and think in delicious circles, to work hard, when necessary, for free, and write stories for far less than minimum wage when I tally all the hours I take to write them.

At 20, I had felt daunted by the project of becoming my ideal self, couldn’t imagine doing it in tandem with someone, two raw lumps of clay trying to mold one another and only sullying things worse. I’d go on dates with boys my age and leave with the impression they were telling me not about themselves but some person who didn’t exist yet and on whom I was meant to bet regardless. My husband struck me instead as so finished, formed. Analyzable for compatibility. He bore the traces of other women who’d improved him, small but crucial basics like use a coaster ; listen, don’t give advice. Young egos mellow into patience and generosity.

My husband isn’t my partner. He’s my mentor, my lover, and, only in certain contexts, my friend. I’ll never forget it, how he showed me around our first place like he was introducing me to myself: This is the wine you’ll drink, where you’ll keep your clothes, we vacation here, this is the other language we’ll speak, you’ll learn it, and I did. Adulthood seemed a series of exhausting obligations. But his logistics ran so smoothly that he simply tacked mine on. I moved into his flat, onto his level, drag and drop, cleaner thrice a week, bills automatic. By opting out of partnership in my 20s, I granted myself a kind of compartmentalized, liberating selfishness none of my friends have managed. I am the work in progress, the party we worry about, a surprising dominance. When I searched for my first job, at 21, we combined our efforts, for my sake. He had wisdom to impart, contacts with whom he arranged coffees; we spent an afternoon, laughing, drawing up earnest lists of my pros and cons (highly sociable; sloppy math). Meanwhile, I took calls from a dear friend who had a boyfriend her age. Both savagely ambitious, hyperclose and entwined in each other’s projects. If each was a start-up , the other was the first hire, an intense dedication I found riveting. Yet every time she called me, I hung up with the distinct feeling that too much was happening at the same time: both learning to please a boss; to forge more adult relationships with their families; to pay bills and taxes and hang prints on the wall. Neither had any advice to give and certainly no stability. I pictured a three-legged race, two people tied together and hobbling toward every milestone.

I don’t fool myself. My marriage has its cons. There are only so many times one can say “thank you” — for splendid scenes, fine dinners — before the phrase starts to grate. I live in an apartment whose rent he pays and that shapes the freedom with which I can ever be angry with him. He doesn’t have to hold it over my head. It just floats there, complicating usual shorthands to explain dissatisfaction like, You aren’t being supportive lately . It’s a Frenchism to say, “Take a decision,” and from time to time I joke: from whom? Occasionally I find myself in some fabulous country at some fabulous party and I think what a long way I have traveled, like a lucky cloud, and it is frightening to think of oneself as vapor.

Mostly I worry that if he ever betrayed me and I had to move on, I would survive, but would find in my humor, preferences, the way I make coffee or the bed nothing that he did not teach, change, mold, recompose, stamp with his initials, the way Renaissance painters hid in their paintings their faces among a crowd. I wonder if when they looked at their paintings, they saw their own faces first. But this is the wrong question, if our aim is happiness. Like the other question on which I’m expected to dwell: Who is in charge, the man who drives or the woman who put him there so she could enjoy herself? I sit in the car, in the painting it would have taken me a corporate job and 20 years to paint alone, and my concern over who has the upper hand becomes as distant as the horizon, the one he and I made so wide for me.

To be a woman is to race against the clock, in several ways, until there is nothing left to be but run ragged.

We try to put it off, but it will hit us at some point: that we live in a world in which our power has a different shape from that of men, a different distribution of advantage, ours a funnel and theirs an expanding cone. A woman at 20 rarely has to earn her welcome; a boy at 20 will be turned away at the door. A woman at 30 may find a younger woman has taken her seat; a man at 30 will have invited her. I think back to the women in the bathroom, my husband’s classmates. What was my relationship if not an inconvertible sign of this unfairness? What was I doing, in marrying older, if not endorsing it? I had taken advantage of their disadvantage. I had preempted my own. After all, principled women are meant to defy unfairness, to show some integrity or denial, not plan around it, like I had. These were driven women, successful, beautiful, capable. I merely possessed the one thing they had already lost. In getting ahead of the problem, had I pushed them down? If I hadn’t, would it really have made any difference?

When we decided we wanted to be equal to men, we got on men’s time. We worked when they worked, retired when they retired, had to squeeze pregnancy, children, menopause somewhere impossibly in the margins. I have a friend, in her late 20s, who wears a mood ring; these days it is often red, flickering in the air like a siren when she explains her predicament to me. She has raised her fair share of same-age boyfriends. She has put her head down, worked laboriously alongside them, too. At last she is beginning to reap the dividends, earning the income to finally enjoy herself. But it is now, exactly at this precipice of freedom and pleasure, that a time problem comes closing in. If she would like to have children before 35, she must begin her next profession, motherhood, rather soon, compromising inevitably her original one. The same-age partner, equally unsettled in his career, will take only the minimum time off, she guesses, or else pay some cost which will come back to bite her. Everything unfailingly does. If she freezes her eggs to buy time, the decision and its logistics will burden her singly — and perhaps it will not work. Overlay the years a woman is supposed to establish herself in her career and her fertility window and it’s a perfect, miserable circle. By midlife women report feeling invisible, undervalued; it is a telling cliché, that after all this, some husbands leave for a younger girl. So when is her time, exactly? For leisure, ease, liberty? There is no brand of feminism which achieved female rest. If women’s problem in the ’50s was a paralyzing malaise, now it is that they are too active, too capable, never permitted a vacation they didn’t plan. It’s not that our efforts to have it all were fated for failure. They simply weren’t imaginative enough.

For me, my relationship, with its age gap, has alleviated this rush , permitted me to massage the clock, shift its hands to my benefit. Very soon, we will decide to have children, and I don’t panic over last gasps of fun, because I took so many big breaths of it early: on the holidays of someone who had worked a decade longer than I had, in beautiful places when I was young and beautiful, a symmetry I recommend. If such a thing as maternal energy exists, mine was never depleted. I spent the last nearly seven years supported more than I support and I am still not as old as my husband was when he met me. When I have a child, I will expect more help from him than I would if he were younger, for what does professional tenure earn you if not the right to set more limits on work demands — or, if not, to secure some child care, at the very least? When I return to work after maternal upheaval, he will aid me, as he’s always had, with his ability to put himself aside, as younger men are rarely able.

Above all, the great gift of my marriage is flexibility. A chance to live my life before I become responsible for someone else’s — a lover’s, or a child’s. A chance to write. A chance at a destiny that doesn’t adhere rigidly to the routines and timelines of men, but lends itself instead to roomy accommodation, to the very fluidity Betty Friedan dreamed of in 1963 in The Feminine Mystique , but we’ve largely forgotten: some career or style of life that “permits year-to-year variation — a full-time paid job in one community, part-time in another, exercise of the professional skill in serious volunteer work or a period of study during pregnancy or early motherhood when a full-time job is not feasible.” Some things are just not feasible in our current structures. Somewhere along the way we stopped admitting that, and all we did was make women feel like personal failures. I dream of new structures, a world in which women have entry-level jobs in their 30s; alternate avenues for promotion; corporate ladders with balconies on which they can stand still, have a smoke, take a break, make a baby, enjoy themselves, before they keep climbing. Perhaps men long for this in their own way. Actually I am sure of that.

Once, when we first fell in love, I put my head in his lap on a long car ride; I remember his hands on my face, the sun, the twisting turns of a mountain road, surprising and not surprising us like our romance, and his voice, telling me that it was his biggest regret that I was so young, he feared he would lose me. Last week, we looked back at old photos and agreed we’d given each other our respective best years. Sometimes real equality is not so obvious, sometimes it takes turns, sometimes it takes almost a decade to reveal itself.

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COMMENTS

  1. IELTS Writing band 9 sample: relationships

    The third option - partially agree/disagree essay - is presented in this lesson. Here is one possible way of structuring the answer to produce a band 9 essay: Introduction: rephrase the topic and state your opinion. Body paragraphs: paragraph 1: reason why you agree. paragraph 2: reason why you disagree. Conclusion: sum up the ideas from body ...

  2. Truthfulness in Relationships Essay: How important is it?

    In conclusion, while truthfulness is important in relationships, it should be considered in conjunction with other factors. Balancing truthfulness with empathy, sensitivity to the situation, and the overall well-being of the relationship is crucial and promotes healthier and more harmonious relationships. (282 Words)

  3. 50 Latest Relationship IELTS Topics

    50 Latest Relationship IELTS Topics. Get a band score and detailed report instantly. Check your IELTS essays right now! Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss the advantages of both. Then state which situation you prefer and why.

  4. People's relationships: Essay from Examiners

    People's relationships: Essay from Examiners. 2665. By IELTS Practice Online. Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. People have different views about whether we are more or less dependent on ...

  5. IELTS Model Essay: Technology and Relationships

    This model essay is on the topic of the effect of technology on the kinds of relationships we form. It's a 2-part, or IELTS direct question essay. It is taken from Cambridge IELTS 8. Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?

  6. IELTS Essay: Family & Friends

    Relate it back to your main idea and the overall question. 1. In conclusion, though friends can take on increasing value, family have the greatest importance taken as a whole. 2. It is therefore key that families stay in touch and maintain friendly relations. Summarise your main ideas and repeat your opinion.

  7. 50 Latest Relationships IELTS Topics

    50 Latest Relationships IELTS Topics. Get a band score and detailed report instantly. Check your IELTS essays right now! Nowadays, in most of the country there is the possibility for children to attend either single-sex schools or co-educational schools. In past time, male and female couldn't go in the same school, so there were only single ...

  8. IELTS Essay 220

    The advent and rapid development of technology have fundamentally transformed the dynamics of interpersonal interactions among individuals. This has also transformed the way we make relationships and bond with each other. This essay contends that the evolution of technology has, in fact, catalyzed a positive shift in the types of relationships ...

  9. IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Truth in Relationships

    IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [Agree or disagree]: Truth in Relationships. The mock essay below addresses the very common Agree/Disagree task type. As you read through, think about how it fully meets the task requirement by giving a clear opinion; presenting a number of relevant ideas; and how it maintains an advanced level of vocabulary with frequent ...

  10. IELTS Essay: Friendship

    1. Certain concerned parties today would argue that there is inherently less value in online friendships. 2. In my opinion, despite the unique features possible when making friends online, in-person friendships are more meaningful due to the human element. Paraphrase the overall essay topic. Write a clear opinion.

  11. Changing Lifestyle and Family Relationships IELTS Essay

    Lifestyle and Family IELTS Essay. Changes in society in economy, culture, entertainment, and other fields have resulted in the emergence of some new features of lifestyles which influence family relationships. I believe these new ways of life have more negative than positive connotations. The bond among family members is weakened because of the ...

  12. IELTS Sample Essays

    IELTS Sample Essays. Here you will find IELTS Sample Essays for a variety of common topics that appear in the writing exam.. The model answers all have tips and strategies for how you may approach the question and comments on the sample answer.. You can also view sample essays with band scores on this page.. Looking at IELTS essay topics with answers is a great way to help you to prepare for ...

  13. IELTS Essay # 202

    Model Answer 1: There is much discussion nowadays as to whether or not the relationship between family members is as close as before. Diverse contributing factors can be identified. In the following, I would like to present my point of view. Great changes have taken place in family life along with the development of society.

  14. IELTS Writing Task 2/ Essay Topics with sample answer.

    You should write at least 250 words. Some people do not have any pets in their house, except for unwanted ones such as a racoon or mouse. These people think that there is no place for animals in their places. However, other people have animals such as dogs, cats, and birds in their families and they have a close relationship with their pets.

  15. In many places, people's lifestyles are changing rapidly...(Band 9 Essay)

    In many places, people's lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? Our examiners have written all these band 9 sample essays for your best IELTS preparation. If you take a close look at these essays, you will understand how to produce standout essays in the exam. However, you need to ...

  16. IELTS Essay Topic: Always telling the truth is the most important

    I partially agree with this and in this essay, I will discuss the importance of truthfulness in any relationship while exploring situations where it may be necessary to withhold or delay the truth. The primary reason why truthfulness is important in any relationship is that it establishes trust between individuals.

  17. IELTS Writing Task 2: 'technology' essay

    According your sample essay, I recognize that the structure of the essay organized in 2 parts; the first part is answer the question "new technology achievements affect in what ways", the second part is answer the question "they make positive or negative". Your organization is match to the the arrange of the question. My question is.

  18. IELTS Task 2 Writing

    Write at LEAST 250 words. STEP 1 - Paraphrase the question using, synonyms, antonym + negatives, grammar, description. This will help you to understand the question, think deeply about this idea, and gather some useful vocabulary. STEP 2 - Identify the TOPIC and Controlling Idea. TOPIC = personal relationships in the workplace.

  19. Technology and Communication

    Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree? Get Evaluated for FREE: Do you have an essay on this topic? Please post it in the comments section. One of our IELTS trainers will evaluate your essay from an examiner's point of view and reply to the comment.

  20. Communication Technology Essay

    Comments. This Communication Technology Essay would get a good score for the following reasons. It fully answers the question, setting out the way the types of relationships people make have changed (they tend to be 'online') and then expanding on this by giving examples. A balanced opinion is also clearly explained, with the impacts in the first body paragraph seen to be positive, and the ...

  21. Essay#67

    IELTS Writing Module. The IELTS writing task 2 in the General Training module is always a discursive essay question that requires you to write about a contemporary social issue. You are given a point of view, an argument, or a problem, and are asked for your opinion. The following are some of the typical tasks that you might be required to do:

  22. IELTS Speaking Practice: Topic Relationships

    IELTS Speaking Part 3. Question 1: Do you think marriage is still as important as ever? From my perspective, marriage is always a turning point for anybody. In my country, when a couple falls heads over heels in love with each other, they will tie the knot to show their commitment and to demonstrate that they are ready to start a family and go ...

  23. Age Gap Relationships: The Case for Marrying an Older Man

    The reception of a particular age-gap relationship depends on its obviousness. The greater and more visible the difference in years and status between a man and a woman, the more it strikes others as transactional. Transactional thinking in relationships is both as American as it gets and the least kosher subject in the American romantic lexicon.