personal statement for culinary school examples

Personal statement examples for culinary school

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17 November 2023

5 minutes read

Crafting an Impressive Catering Personal Statement: Examples and Tips

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• Introduction

The world of catering and hospitality is as demanding as it is rewarding, calling for a unique blend of passion, skill, and dedication. Whether you’re an aspiring chef, a catering assistant, or seeking to further your culinary education, a compelling personal statement can set you apart. This guide provides in-depth insights and practical examples to help you craft a standout catering personal statement.

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• The Art of a Captivating Personal Statement in Catering

Your personal statement is more than just an account of your experiences; it’s a narrative that weaves together your passion, skills, and aspirations in the field of catering and food.

This section of your application is your chance to bring to life the person behind the qualifications and to tell your unique story in a way that resonates with admissions officers or potential employers.

Key Ingredients of a Powerful Personal Statement

To create a personal statement that truly stands out, consider the following essential elements:

• Engaging Introduction: Start with an anecdote or a vivid description that captures your deep-rooted interest in the culinary world.
• Educational Journey: Detail your educational path, highlighting any coursework or projects particularly relevant to catering and food science.
• Professional Experiences: Discuss your work history, focusing on roles and responsibilities that have prepared you for a career in catering. Describe specific situations where you demonstrated skills like leadership, creativity, or customer service excellence.
• Personal Motivation: Share what drives your passion for food and catering. This could be an early cooking experience, a family tradition, or a culinary figure who has inspired you.
• Future Aspirations: Clearly articulate your career goals and how the role or course you’re applying for aligns with these ambitions.

Crafting Your Narrative: Structuring Your Personal Statement

A well-structured personal statement flows logically, making it easy for the reader to follow your journey. Here’s a suggested structure:

• Opening that Captures Attention: Begin with a compelling story or statement that draws the reader in.
• Academic and Professional Highlights: Segue into your educational and professional achievements, linking them to your interest in catering.
• Personal Reflections: Reflect on what these experiences mean to you and how they have shaped your aspirations.
• Conclusion that Resonates: End with a forward-looking statement that ties your past experiences with your future goals in the field of catering.

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• Deep Dive into Catering and Food Science Personal Statements

Let’s explore what makes a personal statement in catering and food science truly compelling. This is where you blend your technical knowledge with your culinary passion, showing that you’re not just proficient in the practical aspects of the job but also deeply engaged with the theoretical underpinnings of the field.

Balancing Technical Expertise with Culinary Passion

Your personal statement should reflect a balance between your technical skills and your love for the culinary arts. Consider the following points:

• Technical Skills: Discuss your knowledge of food science, food preparation techniques, and any relevant tools or technologies you are proficient in.
• Culinary Passion: Talk about what excites you in the world of catering and food. This could be experimenting with flavors, the joy of creating new dishes, or the satisfaction of event planning and execution.

Translating Hospitality Experience into a Compelling Story

For those with experience in the hospitality industry, your personal statement is an opportunity to showcase how these experiences have prepared you for a more specialized role in catering.

From General Hospitality to Specialized Catering

Illustrate how your hospitality experiences have honed skills that are transferable to catering, such as customer service excellence, attention to detail, and the ability to manage fast-paced environments. Share specific examples of how you’ve excelled in these areas.

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• The Journey from a Catering Assistant to a Culinary Professional

Embarking on a career in the culinary world often begins with an entry-level position, like that of a catering assistant. This role, while it may seem modest, serves as a crucial stepping stone towards becoming a culinary professional. Below, we delve into the key aspects of this transformative journey:

• Hands-on Experience: Understand the basics of food preparation, presentation, and safety protocols.
• Time Management: Learn to efficiently manage tasks within tight timeframes, a vital skill in any fast-paced kitchen environment.
• Teamwork: Discover the importance of working collaboratively in a kitchen environment, coordinating with chefs, servers, and other staff.
• Kitchen Hierarchy: Familiarize yourself with the structure and roles within a professional kitchen, from line cooks to head chefs.
• Adapting to Pressure: Learn to thrive in high-pressure situations, a common scenario during large catering events.
• Culinary Techniques: Master advanced cooking techniques and food preparation methods.
• Flavor Profiling: Develop a palate for identifying and pairing flavors, an essential skill for any aspiring chef.
• Formal Education: Pursue further education in culinary arts to deepen your understanding and technical skills.
• Workshops and Seminars: Attend industry workshops and seminars to stay updated with the latest culinary trends and techniques.
• Networking: Connect with industry professionals, mentors, and peers to expand your professional network.
• Mentorship: Seek mentorship opportunities with experienced chefs to gain insights and guidance.
• Menu Development: Participate in menu planning and recipe development, showcasing creativity and innovation.
• Supervisory Roles: Gradually take on more responsibilities, possibly overseeing a team or a section of the kitchen.
• Signature Dishes: Experiment with creating signature dishes that reflect your personal culinary style.
• Culinary Competitions: Participate in competitions to challenge yourself and gain recognition for your skills.
• Inventory Management: Learn about managing kitchen inventory, ordering supplies, and cost control.
• Customer Service: Gain insights into customer preferences and the importance of customer satisfaction in the culinary industry.
• Social Media Presence: Establish a presence on social media platforms to showcase your culinary creations and connect with a broader audience.
• Personal Portfolio: Build a portfolio of your work, including photos of dishes, menus you’ve contributed to, and any accolades or recognitions.
• Career Pathways: Identify your career goals, whether it’s becoming a head chef, owning a catering business, or specializing in a particular cuisine.
• Continual Growth: Commit to ongoing personal and professional development to keep advancing in your culinary career.

Each of these steps plays a crucial role in the transition from a catering assistant to a culinary professional. It’s a journey marked by continuous learning, skill enhancement, and an ever-growing passion for the culinary arts.

• Conclusion: Tying It All Together

In conclusion, your catering personal statement is a powerful tool that can open doors in your culinary career. By effectively communicating your experiences, passions, and aspirations, you can make a lasting impression on admissions committees or potential employers. Use this guide as a roadmap to craft a statement that is as unique and flavorful as your culinary creations.

Remember, a well-crafted personal statement can be the key ingredient to your success in the dynamic and exciting world of catering and culinary arts. Use these insights to create a statement that not only showcases your skills and experiences but also reflects your passion for the art of food and hospitality.

How important is it to personalize my statement for each application?

Highly important. A tailored statement shows that you have taken the time to understand what each program or job is looking for and how you fit into that picture.

Can I use technical jargon in my statement?

Yes, but sparingly. It’s important to demonstrate your knowledge but remember that your statement should be accessible to a broad audience.

Should I mention specific culinary skills in my personal statement?

Yes, highlighting specific culinary skills, especially those relevant to the role or course you’re applying for, is beneficial.

Q: How long should a catering personal statement be?

Generally, aim for about 500-800 words, keeping it concise yet comprehensive.

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Table of Contents

• • Introduction
• • The Art of a Captivating Personal Statement in Catering
• • Deep Dive into Catering and Food Science Personal Statements
• • The Journey from a Catering Assistant to a Culinary Professional
• • Conclusion: Tying It All Together

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Culinary Institute of America

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• Essay prompt

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Culinary Institute of America’s 2023-24 Essay Prompts

Why this major short response.

Please submit a personal statement (no less than 200 words, no more than 500) telling us why you’re passionate about the food and hospitality industry, what experiences you have, and how you feel that your experiences have prepared you for the Culinary Institute of America?

Common App Personal Essay

The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores? Choose the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don‘t feel obligated to do so.

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you‘ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

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4 December 2023

6 minutes read

Culinary Arts Personal Statement Examples: Your Recipe for Success in the Culinary World

When it comes to pursuing a career in the culinary arts, your personal statement is a critical ingredient in the recipe for success. It’s more than just a formality; it’s a platform to express your passion for food, share your culinary journey, and articulate your aspirations in the gastronomic world.

In this comprehensive guide, we’ll walk you through the essential steps and strategies to write an impactful culinary arts personal statement, with examples and tips to inspire and assist you in this creative endeavor.

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• Understanding the Role of a Culinary Arts Personal Statement

The Gateway to Your Culinary Dreams

A culinary arts personal statement is your first opportunity to make an impression on the admissions committee of a culinary school. It’s a narrative that paints a picture of your passion, dedication, and readiness to embark on a professional culinary journey.

This section of your application is where you can share your unique story, culinary experiences, and the driving forces behind your choice to pursue a career in this dynamic field.

Crafting a Story that Resonates

Your personal statement should be a well-crafted story that resonates with the reader. It’s not just about listing your achievements or experiences; it’s about weaving them into a narrative that showcases your enthusiasm for culinary arts.

Discuss the moments that ignited your passion for cooking, elaborate on experiences that shaped your culinary skills, and highlight any challenges you’ve overcome on your journey.

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• The Ingredients of a Compelling Culinary Personal Statement
• Passion for Culinary Arts : Convey your deep passion for cooking and food. This is the core ingredient of your statement, reflecting your enthusiasm and love for the culinary world.
• Personal Culinary Experiences : Include specific experiences that highlight your journey in the culinary field. These could be early cooking memories, significant dishes you’ve created, or moments that defined your culinary path.
• Skills and Techniques : Detail the culinary skills and techniques you’ve acquired. This showcases your practical knowledge and preparedness for advanced culinary education.
• Educational and Career Aspirations : Clearly articulate why you are pursuing a culinary arts program. Outline your career goals and how the program aligns with these aspirations.
• Unique Perspective or Style : Share your unique culinary perspective or style. This could relate to a specific cuisine, cooking philosophy, or an innovative approach to food preparation.
• Influential People or Experiences : Mention any influential chefs, mentors, or experiences that have shaped your culinary outlook. This can include internships, cooking classes, or inspirational figures in the culinary world.
• Challenges and Overcoming Them : Discuss challenges you’ve faced in your culinary journey and how you overcame them. This demonstrates resilience, problem-solving skills, and growth.
• Knowledge of Current Culinary Trends : Show that you are up-to-date with current trends and developments in the culinary field. This indicates your active engagement with the culinary community.
• Personal Qualities and Strengths : Highlight personal qualities and strengths that will aid you in your culinary career, such as creativity, attention to detail, teamwork, or leadership.
• Academic Achievements and Extracurricular Activities : Include any relevant academic achievements or extracurricular activities, especially if they relate to culinary arts or have helped develop skills useful in this field.
• Vision for the Future : Share your vision for what you hope to achieve in the culinary world. This could be opening a restaurant, contributing to food sustainability, or innovating in food science.
• Professionalism and Maturity : Convey a sense of professionalism and maturity in your writing. This shows that you are serious about your career and ready for the rigors of a culinary program.

Each of these ingredients plays a vital role in creating a compelling and holistic culinary personal statement, painting a full picture of your passion, experience, and readiness for a culinary arts program.

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• Connecting Your Past, Present, and Future in Culinary Arts

Reflecting on Past Experiences

Reflect on how your past experiences, whether in a professional kitchen, through travel, or in family cooking traditions, have shaped your culinary perspective.

Discuss any formative experiences that have contributed to your understanding of the culinary arts and how they have prepared you for the challenges of culinary school.

Present Skills and Aspirations

Detail your current culinary skills, techniques you have mastered, and areas where you wish to grow. Express your aspirations within the culinary field, be it as a chef, food stylist, or culinary educator.

This is where you showcase your present capabilities and your eagerness to expand them through formal education.

Envisioning Your Culinary Future

Envision your future in the culinary world. Where do you see yourself after completing your culinary education? Whether it’s opening a restaurant, specializing in food sustainability, or contributing to culinary literature, articulate your long-term goals and how the culinary program will help you achieve them.

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• Strategies for Writing an Impactful Culinary Personal Statement
• Start with a Hook : Begin your statement with a compelling anecdote, a vivid description of a memorable culinary experience, or a powerful statement that reflects your passion for culinary arts. This initial hook should captivate the reader’s interest right away.
• Tell Your Unique Story : Everyone has a unique culinary journey. Share yours by highlighting experiences that shaped your passion for cooking and food. This could include early cooking memories, influential people in your culinary life, or a specific event that solidified your decision to pursue culinary arts.
• Show, Don’t Just Tell : Use descriptive language to bring your experiences to life. Instead of just stating that you love cooking, describe the sensations, emotions, and experiences that cooking evokes for you. Make the reader feel your passion through your words.
• Link Past Experiences to Future Goals : Clearly illustrate how your past experiences have prepared you for a career in culinary arts. Then, connect these experiences to your future goals. Explain how the culinary program you are applying for will help you achieve these goals.
• Highlight Your Skills and Achievements : Mention any relevant skills, courses, or achievements that make you a strong candidate for the culinary program. This could include cooking competitions, relevant work or internship experiences, or any special training you have undergone.
• Reflect on Challenges and Learnings : Discuss any challenges you have faced in your culinary journey and what you have learned from them. This can demonstrate resilience, a willingness to learn, and an ability to adapt – all important qualities in the culinary field.
• Be Authentic and Honest : Write in your own voice and stay true to yourself. Authenticity is key in a personal statement. Don’t try to be someone you’re not; instead, let your genuine interest and passion for culinary arts shine through.
• Show Awareness of the Culinary Field : Demonstrate your understanding of the culinary world. This could be through mentioning current trends, notable chefs, or significant culinary movements. It shows that you are informed and serious about your career choice.
• Keep It Structured and Clear : Organize your statement in a clear, logical manner. Start with an introduction, follow with the body where you delve into your story and experiences, and conclude by tying everything back to your culinary aspirations.
• End with a Strong Conclusion : Your conclusion should reinforce your passion and readiness for a culinary career. Summarize your main points and end on a note that leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
• Proofread and Edit : Ensure your statement is free from grammatical errors and typos. A well-written, error-free personal statement reflects your attention to detail and professionalism.
• Seek Feedback : Before finalizing your statement, get feedback from mentors, teachers, or professionals in the culinary field. They can provide valuable insights and suggest improvements.

By incorporating these strategies, your culinary arts personal statement will not only demonstrate your passion and readiness for the culinary world but also stand out in a pool of applicants.

• Finalizing Your Culinary Arts Personal Statement

Editing and Refining Your Statement

Once your first draft is complete, it’s time to edit and refine. Check for clarity, coherence, and conciseness. Ensure that your statement is free of grammatical errors and typos. It may be helpful to seek feedback from mentors, peers, or professionals in the culinary field.

Making Your Statement Stand Out

To make your statement stand out, infuse it with your personality and unique culinary perspective. Use vivid descriptions, expressive language, and specific examples to bring your culinary experiences and aspirations to life.

Remember, this is your chance to show the admissions committee why you are a perfect fit for their culinary program.

Crafting a culinary arts personal statement is an art in itself. It requires reflection, creativity, and a deep understanding of your culinary journey and aspirations.

By following the strategies and tips outlined in this guide, you can create a personal statement that not only meets the requirements of culinary schools but also captures the essence of your passion for the culinary arts.

Let your personal statement be the dish that leaves a lasting impression, showcasing your readiness to embark on a fulfilling culinary career.

Q1: How long should my culinary arts personal statement be?

Typically, personal statements are about 500-1000 words, but always check the specific requirements of the culinary school you are applying to.

Q2: Can I include experiences unrelated to culinary arts in my personal statement?

Yes, if you can relate them to skills or qualities relevant to culinary studies, such as teamwork, creativity, or resilience.

Q3: Should I mention chefs or culinary figures who inspire me?

Absolutely! Mentioning figures like Jamie Oliver or referencing Michelin-starred restaurants can illustrate your understanding and appreciation of the culinary world.

Q4: How important is it to discuss specific culinary areas of interest in my statement?

It’s very beneficial to discuss specific interests, whether it’s a particular cuisine, baking technology, or food science, as it shows depth and direction in your culinary aspirations.

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Table of Contents

• • Understanding the Role of a Culinary Arts Personal Statement
• • The Ingredients of a Compelling Culinary Personal Statement
• • Connecting Your Past, Present, and Future in Culinary Arts
• • Strategies for Writing an Impactful Culinary Personal Statement
• • Finalizing Your Culinary Arts Personal Statement
• • Conclusion

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Applying to CIA Degree Programs

How to apply for cia associate and bachelor’s degree programs—except online bachelor’s, 1. complete the application form., 2. request official transcripts..

• Download the Transcript Request Form (PDF) and ask your high school* and/or any postsecondary schools (colleges) you’ve attended to provide your transcripts electronically via Parchment Exchange or mail your official transcripts (not student copies) directly to CIA’s Admissions Office.
• If you hold an equivalency diploma, the official test scores must be submitted. You must have met all the requirements for a high school diploma or an equivalency diploma to enroll at CIA.

*If you have matriculated in a college-level degree program and have completed the equivalent of 24 or more credits, you are not required to submit a high school transcript. Transcripts for high school students must be complete through the 11th grade and indicate what courses you'll take in the 12th grade or show your marks for the 12th grade. See alternate Admissions requirements for homeschooled students.

3. Submit an essay.

• Submit a personal statement (at least 200 words) telling us why you’re passionate about the food and hospitality industry, what experiences you have, and how you feel that your experiences have prepared you for the Culinary Institute of America. Submit your essay using our online form.

4. Ask for a recommendation.

• One character recommendation is required. It should be from an employer, teacher, or professional colleague and tell us why you would be successful at CIA. Submit our online recommendation form , or you can provide CIA Admissions with your recommender’s contact information and we will contact them for a verbal recommendation.

That’s it! You’re on your way to enrolling at CIA. Once our admissions staff has reviewed your application and supporting materials, we’ll contact you if anything else is needed.

How to Apply for the New Online Bachelor’s Program (CIA Alumni Only)

* Enrollment only in September.

2. Submit an essay.

• Submit an essay of at least 300 words that describes your purpose for undertaking this program, professional plans and career goals, and how the program is positioned to help you achieve your goals.

3. Provide a copy of your résumé or CV.

• Sample Page

Writing a Personal Statement

For those of you stuck wondering what on earth to put in a statement of motivation, this is what I wrote to gain acceptance at Le Cordon Bleu. The only specifications that I was given were that it needed to be short, concise, and passionate, outlining my plans for the future. That was far, far too general for me! I hope those of you applying to culinary school can use all or part of this as a stepping-off point!

Cooking is my life and my passion. I spent several years after completing a B.A. in Cultural Studies and Comparative Literature working in “the real world,” only to discover that my true passion lies with cooking. I took a year off to travel extensively, tasting food in Italy, Mexico, Jamaica, the Caribbean, and in other countries. I have been working for two years for D’Amico and Partners as a cook and have realized that I am happier working a rush at the end of the night than I ever was sitting at a desk. What I am hoping for from Le Cordon Bleu London is the chance to gain the tools that I need in order to pursue my dreams. l plan to live in London while attending Le Cordon Bleu, cook in an English pub, and find restaurants in which to apprentice or shadow local great chefs, if possible. This experience will give me the tools that I need in order to follow my dreams. I studied abroad in London while attending the University of Minnesota, and would be thrilled beyond all imagination to have the opportunity to once again live in one of the most exciting, vibrant cities that I have ever visited. To live and to work in London while attending one of the most prestigious culinary institutions in the world would be the greatest opportunity that I can imagine.

I plan to utilize the global presence of Le Cordon Bleu and all of the world-wide opportunities that London has to offer. I will use these opportunities to gain the experience needed to travel the world and cook alongside chefs who have a great amount of experience and can expand my knowledge base. I would like to take what I have learned from these experiences in order to run my own restaurant and to create my own series of writings and cookbooks so that other chefs can learn from my experiences. Le Cordon Bleu is the first and most important step in a journey that will take me through a lifetime of achievement. Training is my first love, and I would like to take the knowledge and experience that Le Cordon Bleu has to offer in order to train and teach cooks of every level of experience to become great cooks and chefs of their own. Learning from the chefs at Le Cordon Bleu will give me the opportunity to see how much great chefs have to offer to passionate and motivated cooks. I hope that I can take what I learn through the next years of my life and use them to inspire the chef in every individual. Young and old, novice and master; I believe that there is a cook in every person and I would like to help people discover the chefs in themselves.

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Guide to Writing a SOP for culinary arts school

When applying for a culinary arts school, one of the most critical components of the application is the Statement of Purpose (SOP). It is your chance to convince the committee that you are the right fit for their program and have the passion and dedication to succeed in the culinary arts industry. Read on to learn how you can write a stellar SOP.

Table of Contents

Introduction to sop for culinary arts school, personal background, relevant experience, career goals, be authentic, be specific, show your passion, explain your goals, common mistakes to avoid, making general statements, focusing solely on achievements, using slang, neglecting to proofread, key takeaways.

In addition to showcasing your mastery and experience, the SOP helps the admissions committee understand your writing ability and communication skills. Writing a compelling SOP for a culinary arts school that is well-organized, coherent, and free of grammatical errors can set you apart from other applicants and increase your chances of acceptance into your dream culinary arts program.

Components of a strong SOP for culinary arts school 

An SOP for culinary arts school should convey your passion for the field, showcase your relevant experience and skills, and explain how attending the school will help you achieve your career goals. Here are some key components that you should include in your SOP.

Start your SOP with a strong opening statement that catches the reader’s attention and conveys your interest in culinary arts. You can include a personal anecdote or an inspiring quote to create a compelling introduction.

Example- ‘As a child, I spent countless hours in the kitchen with my grandmother, watching her create culinary masterpieces with ease. Her love for cooking and love for bringing people together through food inspired me to pursue a career in the culinary arts.’

Provide context about your background, such as where you grew up, your family, and any experiences shaping your interest in culinary arts. Highlight any unique experiences or challenges you have faced that have prepared you for a career in the culinary arts.

Example- ‘Growing up in a multicultural family, I got to experiance various cuisines and flavors early. Watching my parents cook traditional dishes from their respective cultures sparked my curiosity and love for culinary arts.’

Describe any relevant experience you have in the culinary arts, including jobs, internships, or volunteer work. Focus on the skills and knowledge you have gained from these experiences and how they have prepared you for a career in the culinary arts.

Example- ‘During my summer internship at a local restaurant, I learned the importance of teamwork and collaboration in the kitchen. I was responsible for preparing and plating dishes, working alongside the head and sous chefs to create memorable customer dining experiences.’

Explain your long-term career goals and how attending the culinary arts school will help you achieve them. Be specific about the type of career you want to pursue and the skills and knowledge you hope to gain from the program.

Example- ‘My ultimate goal is to open my restaurant, where I can showcase my creativity for culinary arts. Attending this culinary arts school will give me the skills and knowledge to succeed in the competitive culinary industry.’

End your SOP for culinary arts school with a strong closing statement summarizing your main points and reinforcing your devotion to culinary arts. Be sure to thank the admissions committee for considering your application and express your excitement about attending the school.

Example- ‘I am grateful for the opportunity to apply to this prestigious culinary arts school. I am confident that the skills and knowledge I will gain from this program will help me achieve my career goals. Thank you for considering my application.’

Tips for writing an effective SOP for culinary arts school

Writing an SOP for culinary arts school requires careful planning and attention to detail. Some tips on how to write a compelling SOP for a culinary arts school that stands out from other applicants are as follows.

The admissions committee wants to get to know you as a person, so it is essential to be genuine and authentic in your writing. Write in your voice and convey your personal experiences and passions sincerely and honestly.

Use specific examples and details to illustrate your points and demonstrate your skills and experience. Avoid making general statements that are vague and could apply to anyone. For example, instead of saying, ‘I am a hard worker,’ provide an example of a time when you went all in to achieve a goal.

Culinary art is a field that values creativity and passion, so it is essential to convey your enthusiasm for the domain in your SOP for a culinary arts school. Describe how you discovered your love for cooking, what motivates you to pursue a career in culinary arts, and how you have developed your skills and knowledge in the field.

Showcase how the program aligns with your career aspirations and how you plan to use the skills and knowledge you gain from the program in your future career.

Follow the guidelines

Make sure to carefully read and follow the guidelines provided by the culinary arts school for writing the SOP. Pay attention to the word count, formatting, and specific prompts or questions.

Avoid making general statements about your skills, experiences, or interests. Instead, provide specific examples that illustrate your point. For example, instead of saying, ‘I am passionate about cooking,’ give an example of how you have grown on social media, showcasing your love for the craft.

Admissions committees want to get to know you as a person, so don’t focus too much on listing your accomplishments without giving any context or personal insight.

Do not use slang or overly casual language for a professional document. While you’re encouraged to be conversational, use appropriate language.

It’s crucial to proofread and edit your SOP carefully. Typos and grammatical errors can be distracting and undermine the quality of your writing. Take the time to review your SOP for culinary arts school multiple times and consider having someone else check it as well.

• An SOP for culinary arts school should convey your passion for the field, showcase your relevant experience and skills, and explain how attending the school will help you achieve your career goals.
• Highlight any relevant experience you have in the culinary arts, including jobs, internships, or volunteer work, and focus on the skills and knowledge you gained.
• Be specific about your long-term career goals and explain how attending culinary arts school will help you achieve them.

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Q1. How long should an SOP for culinary arts school be?

Ans. The length of an SOP for culinary arts school varies, but it’s typically around 500-1000 words. Be sure to check the specific guidelines provided by the school you’re applying to.

Q2. What is the tone of an SOP for culinary arts school?

Ans. The tone of an SOP for culinary arts school should be professional but also convey your personality and passion for the field.

Q3. Who should I ask to review my SOP for culinary arts school?

Ans. Ask someone with experience writing or reviewing academic documents to review your SOP for a culinary arts school. It could be a teacher, mentor, or academic advisor.

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Catering and Food Personal Statement Examples

• 1 Personal Statement Example Links
• 2 Career Opportunities
• 3 UK Admission Requirements
• 4 UK Earnings Potential For Catering and Food Services
• 5 Similar Courses in UK
• 6 UK Curriculum
• 7 Alumni Network

Personal Statement Example Links

• Personal Statement Example 1
• Personal Statement Example 2
• Personal Statement Example 3
• Personal Statement Example 4

Passionate about the art of culinary creations and the joy of bringing people together through food? Eager to master the skills of gastronomy, menu planning, and event catering?

Pursuing a course in Catering and Food can open up a world of delectable possibilities, where you can indulge your creativity and satisfy the palates of many.

The Catering and Food course is an interesting and relevant choice for students because it provides them with the opportunity to learn about the science and art of preparing food for large groups of people. The course covers topics such as food safety, nutrition, menu planning, food presentation, and catering management. It also provides students with the opportunity to gain hands-on experience in the kitchen, learning how to prepare and present food in a professional manner.

Additionally, the course provides students with the opportunity to develop their business acumen and learn how to manage a catering business. With the knowledge and skills gained from this course, students will be well prepared to enter the food service industry and make a successful career out of it.

👍 When writing a personal statement : Highlight your passion for the course, demonstrating your understanding of it. Use relevant personal experiences, coursework, or work history to showcase how these have fostered your interest and readiness for the course.

Career Opportunities

Someone with a degree in catering and food can pursue a variety of careers in the hospitality industry. These include food service management, restaurant management, catering management, food and beverage management, and food safety management. These positions can be found in a variety of industries, including hotels, resorts, cruise lines, casinos, hospitals, schools, and corporate dining facilities.

In addition, someone with a degree in catering and food can pursue a career in food production, including working in a food manufacturing plant or food processing facility. They can also pursue careers in food sales and marketing, such as working in a grocery store or food distributor.

Finally, someone with a degree in catering and food can pursue a career in food research and development, working in a research laboratory or food testing facility. They can also pursue a career in food education, teaching courses in food science and nutrition.

UK Admission Requirements

The University of Kent requires a minimum of two A-Levels or equivalent qualifications in order to be accepted into their catering and food course. This is in line with other similar courses in the UK, which typically require at least two A-Levels or equivalent qualifications. In addition, applicants must also have a minimum of five GCSEs or equivalent qualifications at grade C or above, including English and Maths.

In terms of grades, applicants must have achieved a minimum of a grade C in their A-Levels or equivalent qualifications. This is in line with other similar courses in the UK, which typically require a minimum of a grade C in order to be accepted.

In addition to the grades and qualifications required, the University of Kent also requires applicants to have a minimum of two years of relevant work experience in the catering and hospitality industry. This is to ensure that applicants have the necessary knowledge and skills to succeed in the course.

Overall, the University of Kent has set entry criteria for their catering and food course that is in line with other similar courses in the UK. Applicants must have a minimum of two A-Levels or equivalent qualifications, five GCSEs or equivalent qualifications at grade C or above, and two years of relevant work experience in the catering and hospitality industry.

UK Earnings Potential For Catering and Food Services

The average earnings for someone with a degree in catering and food can vary greatly depending on the specific job role and the employer. Generally, entry-level positions in the field of catering and food can expect to earn a median salary of around £20,000 per year. With experience and qualifications, salaries can increase to £30,000 or more.

In terms of trends in the job market, the demand for catering and food professionals is expected to increase over the next decade as the hospitality industry continues to grow. Additionally, the rise of food delivery services and the growth of the food industry as a whole has created a need for more skilled professionals in the field.

Similar Courses in UK

Other university courses related to catering and food include:

1. Food Science and Technology: This course focuses on the scientific principles behind food production and processing. It covers topics such as food safety, nutrition, food chemistry, food engineering, and food microbiology.

2. Food and Beverage Management: This course focuses on the management of food and beverage operations in the hospitality industry. It covers topics such as menu planning, cost control, customer service, and food and beverage marketing.

3. Culinary Arts: This course focuses on the practical aspects of food preparation. It covers topics such as knife skills, food safety, menu planning, and cooking techniques.

The key differences between these courses are the focus of the content. Catering and food are focused on the business and management aspects of food service, while food science and technology and culinary arts focus on the scientific and practical aspects of food production and preparation. Food and beverage management is a combination of the two, with a focus on managing food and beverage operations in the hospitality industry.

UK Curriculum

The key topics and modules covered in the University Course Catering and Food will vary depending on the specific institution. However, some of the topics that are typically covered include:

• Food Science: This module will cover the principles of food safety and sanitation, food chemistry, food nutrition, food preservation and food processing.
• Food Preparation and Menu Planning: This module will explore the fundamentals of food preparation, menu planning, and food costing. Students will gain hands-on experience in preparing a variety of dishes and learn how to create balanced menus.
• Food Service Management: This module will cover the principles of food service management, including customer service, purchasing and inventory control, and food service operations.
• Beverage Management: This module will explore the fundamentals of beverage management, including the selection, storage, and service of beverages.
• Catering and Events Management: This module will cover the principles of catering and event management, including event planning, menu design, and food service.
• Hospitality Management: This module will explore the fundamentals of hospitality management, including customer service, marketing, and financial management.

In addition to the topics listed above, the course may also include hands-on experience and practical work. This could include field trips to restaurants and catering companies, as well as hands-on activities such as menu planning, food preparation, and food service.

Alumni Network

Notable alumni from the university course catering and food include celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay , who has become a household name due to his hit television shows and restaurants. He is known for his creative and flavorful dishes, and his restaurants have earned numerous Michelin stars. He has also written several cookbooks and has opened several cooking schools around the world. He is a great example of how a culinary degree can lead to success in the food industry.

The university also offers alumni events and networking opportunities, such as the annual alumni dinner and the alumni networking event. These events provide alumni with the chance to meet and network with other alumni in the catering and food industry.

Additionally, alumni are invited to attend special lectures and seminars hosted by the university. These events provide alumni with the opportunity to stay up to date with the latest developments in the industry and to stay connected with their alma mater.

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• Catering personal statement

Catering Personal Statement Example

Sample statement.

Whether you fancy yourself as the next Jamie Oliver, like to produce dazzling culinary creations, or want to open the next big thing in restaurant chains, a qualification in Catering could be the right choice.

If you’re wonderful with a whisk but struggling to cook up a storm with your personal statement take a look at our example Catering personal statement to give you some ideas.

I have enjoyed cooking for as long as I can remember, having been introduced to it at an early age by my Mother who owned a successful café and tea room. For me cooking is not simply a way to feed ourselves but a way of enriching our lives and expressing our creativity.

Decorating cakes as a child allowed me to practice more delicate techniques and learn how to combine colours and presentation that is pleasing to the diner. Baking has always been a passion of mine and I hope that my time studying Catering at a higher level will allow me to develop more complex skills.

At school I excelled in Food Technology and worked towards my Basic Food Hygiene certificate in my part time job at a national restaurant chain. Formally studying cookery introduced me to established ideas about nutrition, a subject about which I have done much independent research since, particularly sports nutrition.

Outside of school I lead a very active lifestyle as a regular runner and horse rider. I often compete in horse riding at county level and having a better understanding of sports nutrition has enabled me to improve my performance.

I am a keen traveller and enjoy experiencing food from different countries and cultures. I hope to spend more time travelling in the future so I can learn different cooking styles and techniques from the countries I visit.

Whilst at university I hope to gain more practical work experience and use my already high standards of skills and knowledge to gain an entry level position in a professional kitchen. After graduating I am interested in pursuing a career in sports nutrition.

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Catering and food science personal statement example 3.

“Gastronomy is the joy of all conditions and all ages. It adds wit to beauty”. People can hardly refuse temptation of delicious food. But more important, food is an essential element for the survival of human being - according to Dr. Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs”, the basic need is “physiological needs” which contains air, water, food etc. That’s why Professor Yuan Longping, “Father of Hybrid Rice” is so important to China as well as the whole word; he resolved the biggest problem face to Chinese, avoid thousands of people from famine.

Ever since my infancy, I was captivated by the colorful sweets and amazing shapes of chocolates. And I know these beautiful candies would spoilage if I don’t have them in time. I was fuelled by strong curiosity: why food will go bad? Why we could recover from minor illnesses by simply taking food? These questions are all beyond my knowledge and they initially sparked my interest in Food industry. And I think I found out the way to solve these problems when I have my first class of Biochemistry in high school. The course gave me valuable insight into biology and confirmed my aptitude for the subject. I therefore choose Food Science and Engineering as my undergraduate major in Shanghai Normal University (SHNU). I want answers to the questions grew with me all along.

Flirting with “food” has created wonders. My obsession with the subject encouraged me to work and learn hard. During past three years, I take courses such as “Food Chemistry, Food Microorganisms, Food Analysis, Nutriology, Dietetics, Food Engineering, etc”; those courses built a sense of the entire picture of the subject, and fully explore many of the ideas I have only touched the surface of it in high school. My academic performance is excellent: my average GPA is 84.7/100, I have also been nominated as Model Student and awarded 2nd scholarships of SHNU every year.

Furthermore, because of my outstanding performance in study, I was also appointed as class monitor by my classmates in sophomore. It is a job with responsibility more than honor and I strive to dedicate myself to the school career. Some activities were hold successfully under my servicing. Such as fellowship with other colleague students, class outing, quiz, marketing/sales contest etc. If deal with microorganism is learnt from class, then the art of dealing with "people" is learnt from these activities. Thereafter, working successfully with others continues to be a key feature of my university community.

My tutor always oblige us to work independently and resourcefully. This concept is with me during the university time and it develop my imagination, my creativity potential and strengthen my hands-on capability. From April 2009, I learned from and assisted teachers in conducting research. The research subject "Use of lipopolysaccharide on identification of Vibrio parahaemolyticus and other Vibrio" was applied successfully and get sponsorship from SHNU. The procedure is to choose 1-2 kinds of typical foodborne pathogens, optimize processing method of sample product and set up spectrum database of foodborne pathogens by using method of FTIR; then establish criteria on detection of foodborne pathogens from different food. The reason i choose LPS in Vibrio parahaemolyticus is because LPS is one of the characteristics of gram-negative bacteria; different LPS between different source and serotypes can be displayed roughly by SDS-PAGE. LPS infrared spectrum method has been proved more significant and accurately compare with cell infrared spectrum method in the area of classification and identification on microorganism. Establish the criteria base on LPS infrared spectrum method is not only an important complement to method of calibration, it is but greatly reduce the testing charges, includes use of reagents and consumables. I have been deeply committed to the project for almost one year and I derive great satisfaction from the process - I was rewarded in term of awards and skills. I understand that this industry constitutes an endless research, with endless observation and contemplation.

From Summer vocation of my junior, I began my internship at Microorganism Lab of Shanghai Institute of Quality Inspection and Techical Research (SQI) to test pathogenic microorganism in food and cosmetics. This is a rewarding and invaluable experience which allows me work from ideation to implementation. The work is trivial but meaningful. We are assigned to do the test by corporate before they launch new product; by court who want to obtain official report on the subject matter or by government institute who want to ensure the products is safe to public. And this year, as World EXPO 2010 is hold in Shanghai, we also serve for them during the period. The testing procedure contains inspection on total number of bacteria as well as mycotoxin; and for different product, we focus on specific bacteria inspection. My major work is to use a express method called ELISA to test aflatoxin in a product; establish a qualitative and quantitative analysis by absorbency of the final product. Through the internship, I have in-depth knowledge on the sample dealing; understand why our teachers always emphasis this process (sample pretreatment) is even more important than the test itself.

The team I am in is led by expert in the industry and with co-workers from various backgrounds. I learnt not only method of experiment but also how to work as a team. Their high standard, great enthusiasm on work spurred me. Except normal routine, they also taught me time management, task prioritization and self-control. My sense of responsibility is significantly improved as well.

And this internship opened a door for me. It draws my attention to a career which could benefit people by my own job. I know I don't merely want the answers to the questions confused me when I was a child, but I need to do more. It affirmed me in Food Science – a field where men can live better – become ever more beautiful. Given this career aspiration, I would like to continue my study in this flied, which is the best way for me to pursue my knowledge, to seek out and get involved in things that inspire, challenge and stimulate me all the time. I believe the knowledge I learn and the training I accepted in undergraduate school prepared me amply for the courses ahead.

Outside of academia, I always relax myself in sports. I am good at swimming and badminton. Swim is the first thing taught me “perseverance”. From a little girl who was fear of water, I am now can be the swim coach of my baby niece. And watching Formula 1, however, is my primary passion. Because of my interest and basic knowledge on it, as well as my good English and organizing capacity, I was selected as few volunteers from 2008 to 2009 to provide service to the 10+ constructors for F1 Chinese GP hold in Shanghai. Their team-work, high efficiency impressed me a lot and inspired me in all aspects of my life.

To study overseas and broaden my horizon, a nation with long history and diversified culture will be my first priority. UK, is the undoubtedly choice to me. And provided my study enthusiasm, it is but natural that I select xx University which is at the forefront of research in the industry. I believe I could be guided toward these objects through the master program. And I am ready to work hard and strive to leave behind my own contribution on the industry afterwards.

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This personal statement was written by cynthia for application in 2011.

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Related Personal Statements

Please provide your comment on my ps.

Sun, 17/10/2010 - 04:58

wowee! i am so jealous of

Tue, 19/10/2010 - 19:16

wowee! i am so jealous of this masterpiece and of everything you have done, but at the same time i would love to meet you. well done.

The paragraph wrote about

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 09:46

The paragraph wrote about interns/activities in university seems tedious. would that be better to make it shorter?

Did you use this? I thought

Wed, 09/01/2013 - 18:31

Did you use this? I thought the statement had to be under 4,000 characters long, and this is nearly 7,500? But it is very good!

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Last updated March 5, 2024

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Blog > Common App , Essay Examples , Personal Statement > 15 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)

15 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Kylie Kistner, MA Former Willamette University Admissions

Key Takeaway

What’s that old saying? “The best way to learn is by doing.” Well, we believe that, in personal statements and in life, cliches like this should be avoided. For some people, the best way to start writing a personal statement is indeed just to start.

But for most writers, jumping right into the writing process is a daunting task. If you’ve never written a personal statement before, then how do you know where to begin?

That’s where example essays come in. There are millions of opinions in the college admissions world about whether or not students should read example essays. But here’s ours:

You absolutely should be reading example personal statements.

Let’s get into it.

Why you should read example personal statements

Reading example personal statements helps you understand why they work (or don’t work) in the admissions process.

Now, the point of reading them isn’t to copy them. It’s not even necessarily to be inspired by them.

Instead, the point of reading examples is to know what personal statements look like. Think about it: if you’d never seen a children’s book before, would you know how to write one? Probably not! Same goes for personal statements.

In this post, we show you some exceptional, solid, and need-to-be-improved personal statements.

And to help you understand how these essays function as personal statements, we’ve also gotten our team of former admissions officers to grade and provide feedback on each.

What does an admissions officer look for in a personal statement?

Before we get to the essays, let’s briefly walk through what goes through an admissions officer’s head when they open an application.

Admissions officers (AOs) read hundreds to thousands of applications in a single year. Different institutions require admissions officers to use different criteria when evaluating applications, so the specifics will vary by school. Your entire application should cohere to form a seamless narrative . You'll be crafting that narrative across the following categories:

• Transcripts and course rigor : AOs look at the classes you’ve taken to assess how much you’ve challenged yourself based on the classes your school offers. They’re also looking at how well you've done in these classes each term.
• Extracurricular activities : When reading through your activities list, AOs look at the activities you’ve done, how many years you’ve participated in them, and how many hours a week you devote to them. They’re assessing your activities for the levels of magnitude, impact, and reach that they demonstrate. (Want to know more about these terms? Check out our extracurricular impact post .)
• Background information : This background information briefly tells admissions officers about demographic and family information, your school context, and any honors or awards you’ve received.
• Letters of recommendation : Letters of recommendation give AOs insight into who you are in the classroom.
• Essays : And, finally, the essays. Whether you’re writing a personal statement or a supplemental essay , essays are the main place AOs get to hear your voice and learn more about you. Your personal statement in particular is the place where you get to lay out your overall application narrative and say something meaningful about your personal strengths.

So, with all that in mind, what does an admissions officer actually look for when reading your personal statement?

A few traits tend to surface across the best personal statements, no matter the topic or format. There are four primary areas you should focus on as you craft your personal statement.

• Strengths : AOs want to know about your strengths. That doesn’t mean bragging about your accomplishments, but it does mean writing about a topic that lets you showcase something positive about yourself.
• Personal meaning : Personal statements shouldn’t be fluff. They shouldn’t be history essays. They should be personal essays that ooze meaning. The topic you choose should show something significant about yourself that the admissions officers won’t get from any other part of your application.
• Authenticity and vulnerability : These characteristics can be the most difficult to achieve. Being “vulnerable” doesn’t mean airing all your dirty laundry. It means revealing something authentic and meaningful about who you are. To be vulnerable means to go beyond the surface level to put yourself out there, even to admissions officers who you’ve never met.
• Clear organization and writing : And lastly, admissions officers also want your essay to be organized clearly so it’s easy to follow along. Remember that admissions officers are reading lots of applications, even in one sitting. So you want to make your reader’s job as easy as possible. Thoughtful and skillful writing can also help take your personal statement to the next level.

If you want to know more about how to incorporate these traits into your own essay, we have a whole guide about how to write the perfect personal statement .

But for now, let’s get into the examples.

We’ve broken up the example personal statements into three categories: best personal statement examples, good personal statement examples, and “bad” personal statement examples. These categories show you that there is a spectrum of what personal statements can look like. The best examples are the gold standard. They meet or exceed all four of the main criteria admissions officers are looking for. The good examples are just that: good. They’re solid examples that may be lacking in a specific area but are still effective personal statements. The “bad” examples are those that don’t yet stack up to the expectations of a personal statement. They’re not objectively bad, but they need some specific improvements to align with what admissions officers are looking for.

Here we go!

The Best Personal Statement Examples

Writing an exceptional personal statement takes a lot of time and effort. Even the best writers can find the genre challenging. But when you strike the perfect chord and get it right, it’s almost like magic. Your essay jumps off the page and captures an admissions officer’s attention. They feel like you’re right there with them, telling them everything they need to know to vote “yes” on your admission.

The following essays are some of our favorites. They cover a range of topics, styles, and student backgrounds. But they all tell meaningful stories about the writers’ lives. They are well-organized, use vivid language, and speak to the writers’ strengths.

For each essay, our team of former admissions officers have offered comments about what makes the essay exceptional. Take a look through the annotations and feedback to see what lessons you can apply to your own personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #1: Thankful

My family has always been broke. Saturday mornings and Thursday evenings, always the same drill: the kids (my brothers and me) would be loaded in the car with my parents and off we’d all go to the food pantry. New clothes were few and far between, and going on vacation was something that we could only dream of. Despite our financial struggles, one year, my parents decided to surprise us with a trip to Disney Land. It was a complete shock to me and my siblings. We were over the moon. In fact, the screams of excitement that emanated from my younger brother’s mouth still ring in my ears.

But as the trip drew close, my excitement tempered and I began to worry. Being poor when you’re young doesn’t just affect you materially. It also affects how you see the world and loads you up with a whole range of anxieties that, in an ideal world, no child should have to face. How were my parents going to afford this, I wondered? Would an expense like this push us over the brink?(( The beginning of this essay, and especially this sentence, show the writer’s empathy. They are not selfish; they understand their broader family context and take that into consideration.)) I didn't want to ruin the surprise by asking, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread building inside of me.

The day of our trip arrived and we set off for the airport. In the car, my dad made an off-the-cuff comment about a new video game that he’d wanted to play but didn’t buy, and everything clicked—my parents had made the trip possible by saving for months, cutting back on expenses and sacrificing their own comforts to make the trip happen.

As we boarded the plane, I was filled with a mix of emotions. I was grateful beyond words for my parents' sacrifice, but I was also overwhelmed by the guilt of knowing that they had given up so much for us. I didn't know how to express my gratitude; when we deplaned in LAX, I gave my mom and dad a rib-crushing hug.

The trip itself was everything that I had dreamed of and more. We spent four magical days at Disney Land(( Nice use of vivid details here. The reader can picture the sights and smells of Disney—and the ensuing hunger when passing a churro stand.)) , speed running the roller coasters and campy boat rides from the 70s. Sure, we packed our own food and walked right by the churro stands with a hungry look in our eyes. But I will never forget the feeling of unmitigated joy that my family shared on that trip, the smiles that painted my parents’ faces.

But the trip itself was nothing compared to the gratitude I felt for my parents(( Here, the writer transitions to reintroducing the theme of gratitude.)) . They had given us the gift of a lifetime, and I knew that I would never be able to repay them for their sacrifice.

In the years since that trip, I have carried that feeling of gratitude with me. It has motivated me to work hard and to always strive to be the best person that I can be. I want to make my parents proud and to show them that their sacrifice was worth it(( Finally, the writer sums things up with an eye to the future. It’s helpful for an admission officer to picture what the essay’s lessons might mean for the student as a future community member.)) .

I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for what my parents did for us, but I will always remember their selflessness and their willingness to put their own needs aside for the sake of our happiness. It was a truly surprising and incredible act of love, and one that I will always be thankful for.

AO Notes on Thankful

This essay accomplishes a few things even though it essentially tells one story and offers a quick reflection. It gives some important context regarding the challenges of being from a lower-income family. It does that in a way that is authentic, rather than problem-focused. It also shows that the writer is empathetic, family-oriented, and reflective.

Why this essay stands out:

• Vulnerability : This essay is upfront about a challenging topic: financial insecurity. While you don’t have to tell your most difficult challenge in an essay, this writer chose to write about a circumstance that gives additional context that may be helpful as admissions considers their application.
• Personal : The writer gets into some family dynamics and paints a picture of how their family treats and takes care of each other.
• Values: We clearly see some values the writer has and that they don’t take their parents’ sacrifices for granted. As an admission officer, I can picture this student using their education to give back—to their family or to others.

Personal Statement Example #2: Pickleball

I’ve always been one to have a good attitude no matter the circumstances. Except when it comes to exercise. From dodgeball in PE class to family Turkey Trots, I’m always the first one out and the last one across the finish line. These realities aren’t from a lack of skill—I’m actually quite coordinated and fast. They are from a lack of effort(( This is a quick hit of… either humor or vulnerability. I chuckled at the blunt honesty, and am intrigued to learn more.)) . Despite my best intentions, I can never get myself to care about sports or competitions. So when my dad first asked me to be his pickleball partner last summer, I did nothing but laugh.

But soon, I realized that he was serious. My dad started playing pickleball two years ago as a fun way to exercise. He’d become a star in our city’s recreation league, and I always enjoyed cheering him on from the sidelines. When his doubles partner got relocated for work, my dad decided that the disruption was a good opportunity for us bond through pickleball. Even though I was mortified by the thought of running back and forth to hit a bouncing ball, I reluctantly agreed.

The next Saturday morning, we went to the court for our first practice. I was wearing sweatpants, an old sweatshirt, and a grimace. My dad showed me how to hold the paddle, serve, and return the ball to our opponents. He told me about staying out of the kitchen—an endearing pickleball term that references the “kitchen,” or the middle part of the court—trying to make me laugh. Instead, I sighed impatiently and walked to my end of the court, ready to get it over with.

My dad remained patient in spite of my bad attitude. He gently served me the ball, and I gave a lackluster attempt to return it. The ball bounced into the net. I hadn’t even made it to his side of the court. Trying his best to encourage me, my dad gave me the ball so I could serve it to him instead. I tossed the ball up and hit it underhand toward my dad. It hit the net again. I tried again and again, each attempt with less care than the last. I grew frustrated and threw my paddle down in anger(( Okay, this paragraph gives a good dose of openness to the emotions of the writer. They’ve served up an opportunity to learn a lesson soon…)) .

After seeing my mini-meltdown, my dad crossed the kitchen to talk to me. During our conversation, I began to ask myself why I got so frustrated when I wasn’t trying very hard in the first place. I thought pickleball was a miserable sport, but I realized that it wasn’t pickleball that I cared about. I cared about my dad. I wanted to make him proud(( Ah, and there it is! A realization. As the admission officer I’m thinking, “Go on…”)) . Playing pickleball with him was the least I could do to thank him for everything he’d done for me. I dusted off my bad attitude alongside my paddle, and I got up to try another serve.

That serve hit the net again. But more determined now, I kept trying until my serves went over the net and through my dad’s weak side. I couldn’t believe it. My attitude adjustment helped me see the game for what it was: a game. It wasn’t supposed to be agonizing or cruel. It was supposed to be fun.

I learned that my attitude towards sports was unacceptable. This experience taught me that it’s okay to have preferences about what you enjoy, but it’s important to always maintain a positive attitude(( And the lesson learned! )) . You may just enjoy it after all.

Now my dad and I are both stars in our recreation league. Soon, we will make our way to our league’s semi-finals. We’ve worked our way through the bracket and are close to the championship. What I appreciate more about this experience, however, is how close it’s brought my dad and I together. His patience, positivity, and persistence have and will always inspire me. I want to be more like him every day, especially on the pickleball court.

AO Notes on Pickleball

This is a strong “attitude adjustment” essay, a bit of a remix of a challenge essay. The challenge, in this case, was a fixed mindset about sports that needed to be adjusted. The writer takes us on a witty journey through their own attitude towards organized athletic activities and their father.

• Self-aware : Similar to the vulnerability of other essays, this writer is willing to criticize themselves by recognizing that they need an attitude adjustment. Even before they changed their attitude, we get the sense that they are at least aware of their own lack of effort.
• Strong conclusion : We see a nice lesson at the end that relates both to having an open mind and caring for others. They even make a point about simply enjoying things because they are fun.
• Life lesson : Beyond the stated lesson, as an admission officer with a few more years on this Earth than the writer, I can tell this lesson will apply beyond sports. In fact, I can easily picture this student trying a new class, club, or group of friends in college because they are now more open to novel experiences.

Personal Statement Example #3: The Bird Watcher

I’m an avid walker and bird watcher(( Okay, the writer gets right into it! I think this simple introduction of the topic works well because they are writing about a less common hobby among teenagers. If they had said “I am an avid baseball player”, I would have been less eager to learn more.)) . Growing up, I’d clear my head by walking along the trail in the woods behind my house. By the time I was immersed in the chaos of high school, these walks became an afternoon routine. Now, every day at three o’clock, I don my jacket and hiking shoes and set off. As I walk, I note the flora and fauna around me. The wind whispering through the trees, the quiet rustling of a chipmunk underfoot, and the high-pitched call of robins perched atop branches, all of it brings me back to life after a difficult day.

And recently, the days have been more difficult than not. My grandparents passing, parents divorcing, and doctor diagnosing me with ADHD have presented me with more challenges than I’ve ever experienced before. But no matter what’s going on in my life, the wildlife on my walks brings me peace. As an aspiring ornithologist, the birds are my favorite(( This paragraph accomplishes a lot: a montage of difficult circumstances, context for their application, and declares their future career.)) .

I became interested in ornithology during long childhood afternoons spent at my grandparents’ house. They would watch me while my parents finished up work. I’d listen to the old bird clock that hung on the wall in the kitchen. Each number on the clock corresponded with a different bird. Every hour, the clock would chirp rather than chime. When the cardinal sang, I knew my parents would be arriving soon. Those chirps are all seared into my memory.

Twelve o’clock: robin. The short, fast, almost laugh-like sound of the robin always makes me hungry. All those Saturday afternoons filled with laughter and good food have resulted in a Pavlovian response. I’d cook meatballs with my grandma, splashing sauce on her floral wall paper. We’d laugh and laugh and enjoy the meal together at her plastic-covered kitchen table. This wasn’t my home, but I felt at home just the same.

Three o’clock: blue jay. It’d chime as soon as we walked in the door after school. The blue jay was my grandpa’s favorite. It was also mine. Why he loved it, I’m not completely sure. But it was my favorite because it marked the beginning of the best parts of my day. Symbolizing strength and confidence, blue jays always remind me of my grandpa.

Six o’clock: cardinal. The sharp whistle and staccato of the cardinal indicated that it was almost time for me to leave. Like the whistle of a closing shift, I’d hear it and start to pack my things. The cardinal has always been my least favorite.

Nine o’clock: house finch. The high, sweet, almost inquisitive call of the house finch was the one my grandma loved most. It was also the one I rarely heard. Either too early or too late in the day, the house finch was reserved for the occasional weekends when I’d spend the night at their house. My grandma would explain that finches symbolize harmony and peace. They are petite but mighty, just like she was(( This is a clever and sweet way of describing summer days with grandparents, while sprinkling in some vivid details to bring the story to life.)) .

This past weekend was the anniversary of my grandpa’s passing. Longing for my grandparents, I went for a walk. Winter is approaching, so the sky was darkening quickly. I walked slowly. As the sun set, I heard the tell-tale squawk of a blue jay, loud and piercing through the chill of the wind. I looked around and saw it sitting on an old stump, a small house finch behind it. I extracted my binoculars from my backpack, hoping to get a better glimpse through the dark. I turned the dial to focus the lenses, just as the birds flew away together. I took a deep breath, binoculars in hand, and continued on, spotting a robin in the distance(( The ending stylistically wraps the essay up without tying a bow on it. It’s a more artful way of concluding, and it works well here.)) .

AO Notes on Birdwatcher

This first two paragraphs are well-written and fairly to-the-point in their language. They do a nice job of setting the scene, but the third paragraph transitions into the writer’s distinctive voice. They detail the birds on the clock to chronicle the hours of their summer days and end, not without concluding, but leaving the reader wanting to read more of their stories.

• Voice: The writer transitions to writing in their own distinct voice, which comes to a crescendo in the final paragraph.
• Interesting approach: Sometimes students use an approach to tell a story that feels overly forced or cliche. This one feels organic and relates nicely to the writer, their family, and the story as a whole.
• Career path : This is far from a “What I want to be when I grow up” essay, but it clearly shows an academic interest grounded in family and childhood memories. This is an artistic and beautiful approach to showing admissions how the writer may use their college education.

Personal Statement Example #4: Chekov’s Wig

At the age of six, I starred in an at-home, one-woman production of Annie. My family watched as I switched between a wig I’d fashioned from maroon yarn, a dog’s tail leftover from Halloween, and a tie I’d stolen from my dad.

When the reveal came that Annie’s parents had actually passed away, I took a creative liberty: they had left Annie a small unicorn farm. The rest of the play proceeded as normal. When the curtain closed, I bowed to the sound of my family’s applause. But one set of hands was missing: my grandmother’s. Instead she sat, arms raised, and jokingly exclaimed, “But what about the unicorns?”(( Wow, an interesting intro! We see creativity and a silly side to the writer. As the admission officer, I’m eager to see where this leads.))

My grandma, an avid thespian, taught me a lot about life. But one of the most important lessons followed this production of Annie . After we laughed about her remark, she introduced me to the concept of Chekov’s gun. For Anton Chekov, brilliant playwright, the theory goes something like this: a writer shouldn’t write about a loaded gun if it’s not going to be fired. In other words, writers shouldn’t include details about something if it won’t serve a purpose in the story later. My unicorn farm had committed this writing faux pas egregiously.

I’m not a natural writer, and I have no goal to become one, but I’ve taken this concept of Chekov’s gun to heart—it forms the foundation of my life philosophy. I don’t believe that everything was meant to be(( This philosophical reflection is a nice introduction to the paragraphs that follow. )) . In fact, I think that sometimes bad things just happen. But I believe that these details will always play a part in our larger story.

The first test of my Chekov’s gun philosophy occurred shortly after Annie when my grandma, my biggest supporter, passed away. My family tried to console me saying that “it was her time to go,” but I disagreed. I couldn’t see how a death could be destined. Instead, I found comfort knowing that her presence, her support, and her death wasn’t for nothing. Like Chekov’s gun, I wasn’t quite sure how or why, but I knew that she would return for me.

As I grew older, my philosophy was tested time and again. Most recently, I fell back on Chekov’s gun as I coped with my parents’ divorce and my subsequent move to a new town. Both events shattered my world. My happy family theatre productions turned into custody hearings and overnight bags. The community I’d found at my old school became a sea of unfamiliar faces at my new one. None of this was meant to be. But as the writer of my own life, I won’t let the details become inconsequential.

I’ve used these events as plot points in my high school experience. Dealing with my parents’ divorce has taught me how to make the best of what’s given to me. I got the chance to decorate two bedrooms, live in both the suburbs and the city, and even have twice the amount of pets. And without the inciting incident of the divorce and move(( We see that the writer is able to make lemonade out of lemons here.)) , I never would have joined a new drama club or landed leading roles in Mama Mia and Twelfth Night. The divorce and move, like Chekov’s gun, have been crucial details in getting me where I’m at today.

I know that Chekov’s gun is more about the details in a story, but this philosophy empowers me to take what happens, the good and the bad, as part of my personal character development. Nothing would be happening if it weren’t important.

This summer, as we cleaned our garage in preparation for yet another move, I found my old Annie wig, yarn tangled from the box. Next to the wig was a note, handwritten in a script I’d recognize anywhere. My darling star, it read. You are going to go on to do great things. Love, Grandma ((And a sweet, or bittersweet, conclusion.)) .

AO Notes on Chekov’s Wig

This essay tells a beautiful story about a foundational philosophy in this young writer’s life. As their admission officer, I can see how grounded and positive they are. I can also imagine them taking this lesson to college: really paying attention to life, reflecting on the past, and understanding the value of even the smallest instances. There is an inherent maturity in this essay.

• Creativity: From the first few sentences, we can see that this student is now, and was as a child, creative. An original thinker.
• Reflective: When challenged by their grandmother, the writer didn’t insist that their way was correct. They took the criticism in stride and absorbed it as a salient life lesson. This shows open-mindedness and an uncommon level of maturity.
• Silver linings: It’s clear that this young writer has had some familial challenges that are likely familiar to some of you. They don’t gloss over them, but instead they learn from them. From having more pets to starring in the school musicals, there are lessons to glean from even life’s more difficult challenges.

Personal Statement Example #5: An Afternoon with Grandmother

The Buddhist temple on the hillside above my home has always possessed a deep power for me. With its towering spires and intricate carvings thousands of years old, it is a place of peace and serenity(( This writer opens with some wonderful imagery. I like how the imagery mirrors the meaning.)) —somewhere I can go to escape the chaos of the world and connect with myself and with my sense of spirituality. When my grandmother called me one January to let me know that she would be coming to visit, I smiled, my mind darting immediately to the temple and to the visit of it we would take together.

My relationship with my grandmother is a special one. After my parents passed away, she and my grandfather raised me for three years before I moved in with my father’s sister. In that time, she was my sole companion; she shared her recipes with me, told me stories, and most importantly, she taught me everything I know about spirituality. We spent countless nights staying up past bed-time, talking about the teachings of the Buddha, and she encouraged me gently to explore my own path to enlightenment(( This topic is accomplishing a lot: we see the writer’s relationship with their grandmother, their personal values, and their ideas about who they want to be in the future.)) .

When my grandmother finally arrived, I felt bathed in a warm glow. After catching up and preparing her favorite meal—red rice with miso soup and hot green tea—I told her about the plans I had for us to visit my special place.

Later that afternoon, as we entered the temple, I felt the calmness and tranquility wash over me. I took my grandmother's hand and led her to the main hall, where we knelt before the altar and began to recite the prayers and mantras that I had learned from her years before.

As we prayed, our voices joined together, echoing throughout the temple. A gentle rain began to fall outside and, as the cold crept around where we knelt, I was engulfed by a deep sense of connection with my grandmother and with the universe. It was as if the barriers between us were falling away, and we were becoming one—with each other, and with our shared connection to the divine.

We finished our prayers and sat in silence, lingering in the serenity of the temple. I could feel my grandmother's hand in mine, and I was filled with a sense of gratitude and love(( A great example of weaving vivid language with explicit reflection!)) .

Spirituality has been essential in my life. It gives me a sense of grounding and purpose, and it teaches me the value of compassion. My spirituality has also given me a way to connect with my grandmother on a deeper level—like a private language that only we speak together. In a world that can often feel chaotic and disconnected, faith and spirituality provide a sense of stability and connection.

As we left the temple, I held my grandmother's hand and felt suffused by a sense of peace and contentment. Too often people who are disconnected from spirituality misunderstand the role it plays in billions of people’s lives. They see it as a way to “check out” from the issues the world faces, ignoring their responsibilities to others. This may be true for others, but not me. Quite the opposite. My spirituality helps me empathize with others(( Wonderful reflection.)) ; it helps me focus on the obligations we each have to every other person and creature on this planet. For me, it is the ultimate way to “check in” to the needs of the world and my community in a way that grounds me emotionally.

Spirituality offers a way to find meaning and purpose in life, and to connect with something greater than ourselves. For that, and for my grandmother, I am truly grateful.

AO Notes on An Afternoon with Grandmother

In this deeply reflective essay, the writer uses spirituality and their relationship with their grandmother to reveal a very personal part of themselves. The writer isn’t afraid to be vulnerable, and they clearly showcase strengths of wisdom and compassion.

• Vivid language: This author is a talented writer who has included a bunch of vivid language. But it’s not over the top. They include just enough to hold a reader’s attention and add some interest.
• Reflection: The reflection throughout this essay is excellent. Notice how it’s not just at the beginning or the end. It’s woven throughout. The writer follows up each major detail with an explanation of why it’s personally meaningful.
• Conclusion: The conclusion combines vivid language and reflection perfectly. By the end of the essay, we know exactly what the writer wants us to take away: spirituality is personally meaningful to them because it helps them connect with the people around them. And I especially like how the writer chose to end on a note of gratitude—always a good value to have in a personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #6: Rosie’s

While most people find their lowest point at rock bottom, I found mine in an Amerikooler DW081677F-8(( We’re definitely off to an odd start. I’m curious where this is headed!)) . With drops rolling down my back and my cheeks, I snuck into the walk-in freezer for a moment of chill.

At that point, I had worked at Rosie's for nearly a year. The job was a good one: it fit with my school schedule, paid well, and introduced me to close friends. But as a workplace, Rosie’s was pure chaos. The original owners passed on a host of problems the new owners were working hard to fix. But the problems ran deep. From an inefficient kitchen organization to a malfunctioning scheduling software, we never knew what to do or when.

The day I found myself in the Amerikooler was the day everything caught up with us(( This is a good transitional phrase that helps readers navigate this fairly complex narrative.)) . An error in our scheduling software led to us operating with only 30% of our typical team. As the only waitress on duty, I ran between the kitchen and the guests, stopping mid-delivery to put new vegetables in the steamers. The kitchen staff were barely getting through each dish before customers lost patience.

Then, in all the commotion, I dropped a plate of macaroni and cheese all over a customer. I apologized over and over again. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I always tried to be one step ahead to give my customers the best service, so my mistake felt like an utter failure. After helping them clean up, I ran immediately to the freezer. I realized that something had to change.

In the Amerikooler, a pea and corn mix cool on my back, I considered my options. The easiest option was to quit. I could find another job, one that didn’t cause me so much stress. But quitting wouldn’t just mean giving up. It would mean accepting my failure. It would also mean abandoning the coworkers I had grown close to. Leaving them would only burden them more. While I knew it wasn’t my job to fix the restaurant, I knew that leaving wasn’t the answer either. Instead, I decided to focus on solutions(( I like the focus on solutions and action steps here!)) . I stood up from the cold, dirty freezer floor, dusted off my work pants, washed my hands, and got back to work.

Despite being the newest and youngest member of the Rosie’s staff, I recognized that I brought a new perspective to the workplace. Having spent the previous three summers scheduling volunteers for my local food drive, I used my organizing experience to devise a new scheduling system, one that didn’t rely on our outdated technology. I brought up the system at our weekly meeting, and after initial pushback, everyone agreed to give it a try. Three months later, my system keeps everyone happy and our kitchen and floor staffed.

But it wasn’t just the staffing problem that was the issue. Our workflows were inefficient, and we didn’t know how to communicate or collaborate effectively. I know that identifying an issue is always the first step to a solution, so I raised the question at our most recent staff meeting. Having earned my coworkers’ and bosses’ trust(( And here we see some good growth and leadership.)) , I led us in outlining a few new processes to streamline our productivity. In stark contrast to the failure I felt after spilling the macaroni and cheese, developing a new workflow with my coworkers made me proud. I hadn’t given in to the chaos, but I had worked thoughtfully and collaboratively to create new solutions.

I’m sure that won’t be my last time working in a disorganized environment or spilling macaroni and cheese. But I know that I’ll be ready to address whatever comes my way.

AO Notes on Rosie’s

If you’ve ever worked in a food establishment, then something in this essay will probably resonate with you. But I appreciate how the writer doesn’t get pulled into the negativity they experience. Instead, they focused their efforts (and their essay) on how they could make things better for everyone. That’s the kind of student admissions officers want to see on their campuses.

• Organization: The writer has to narrate and backtrack a bit at the beginning of the essay to make the introduction work. But it’s not confusing for a reader because they have very solid transitions. I also like how the action steps and reflection are organized in the narrative.
• Positive outlook: As an admissions officer, I would admire this student for their problem-solving skills. Working in that environment was surely tough, but they didn’t give up. They got to work and helped everyone out in the process.
• Humor: From the introduction to the conclusion, the writer incorporates subtle humor throughout. Because of it, we actually feel like we know the writer by the conclusion. Too much humor can overwhelm a personal essay, but just enough can help readers see who the writer really is.

Personal Statement Example #7: Gone Fishing

I pulled the line with my left hand and snapped the rod back with my right. The line split through the air above me like a knife through cake. I rigidly waved my right arm up and down to dry off my fly, which had started sinking from the weight of the water. Ready to cast, I loosened the grip on my left hand to release a few more feet of line, pulled my right arm back in a grandiose motion, and hammered it back down. I expected my line to fly out in front of me, gracefully floating back onto the surface of the water. Instead, I was met with a startling resistance. My fly had lodged itself into the bush behind me(( This opening paragraph has great vivid description. Here, we end on a moment of suspense that has left me intrigued about what will happen next.)) .

Annoyed, I waded through the tall, thick grass, rod under my arm and mosquitoes buzzing in my ears. This was the reality of fly fishing. In my short time as a fisherman, I’d caught far more trees, bushes, and riverweed than I had fish. What seems so elegant in movies like A River Runs Through It is actually a grueling process of trial and error. I took up flyfishing a year ago to conquer my fear of the outdoors(( Ah ha—we learn that this essay isn’t really about fly fishing. It’s about conquering a fear. And with that, we see that the stakes are high.)) . I could have (and probably should have) chosen a more mild activity like hiking or kayaking, but I’ve always been one to take on a challenge.

I had been afraid of the outdoors since childhood. Coming from a family that prefers libraries to parks and bed and breakfasts to tents, I never learned how to appreciate nature. I limited my time outside as much as I could. I feared the bugs, the sun, and the unknown.

I decided to try flyfishing when I realized I didn’t want to be controlled by my fear any longer(( As an AO, I would applaud this student’s bravery.)) . All the birthday parties I’d turned down, the memories that were made without me, I had missed out on so much. Being outside was an integral part of the human experience—or, at least, that’s what I’d been told. Without being willing to enjoy nature, I was missing out on what it meant to be myself.

Soon after this realization, I found an old rod in my grandpa’s garage and took it as a sign from the universe. On my first time out, my Honda Civic lurched over a ditch on the gravel road Google Maps had directed me to. I’d spent hours watching YouTube videos of proper technique. Stepping out of my car, I felt my skin crack under the dry heat, and I wanted to leave. But I continued on, walking through branches and over logs to the riverbank. I was doing it( More vivid detail that really gives us a sense of the writer’s discomfort—yet they’re persisting.)) .

I pushed myself to continue, no matter how uncomfortable I got. I went back, Saturday after Saturday, each time noticing improvements in my abilities. Along the way, I learned to push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. I saw myself in a new light. I wasn’t Charlie, afraid of the outdoors. I was Charlie, fisherman.

The first time I caught a fish, I could hardly believe it. Thinking I had caught another piece of riverweed, I tugged on my line and rolled my eyes. But suddenly, it started tugging back. It was a sensation I’d never experienced before, one of haste, pride, and panic. I instantly collected myself, bracing against the bank as I secured the line with my finger and slowly pulled the fish ashore. Delicately removing my hook from its mouth, I admired its beauty. Whereas I had once feared creatures like this trout, I now respected it. Its holographic scales glistened in the sunlight. I thanked it for helping me grow, and I placed it back in the water. It swam away. I wiped the slime off my hands and picked up my rod, left hand tugging at the line, right hand snapping back again((This conclusion is quite long, but I really like this poetic ending. It shows so much growth, and there’s a subtle nod to the fact that the writer is continuing to fish.)) .

AO Notes on Gone Fishing

From all this imagery, I really felt like I was fishing alongside them. What’s better, I feel like I really get where this student is coming from because of their vulnerability. They show immense growth and open-mindedness, which is exactly what admissions officers are looking for.

• Imagery: This writer definitely likes creative writing. From the introduction, we can envision ourselves going on this journey with the writer. There is some excellent “show, don’t tell” here.
• Deep personal meaning: Biggest fears are hard to overcome, especially with such a good attitude. It’s clear that this topic is a meaningful one to the writer. Even the act of fly fishing, which they didn’t seem to like much at first, becomes a meaningful act.
• Narrative arc: We have a classic “going on a journey” essay, where the writer transforms on a journey from point A (being afraid of the outdoors) to point B (catching a fish). The writer’s implementation of this structure is excellent, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Good Personal Statement Examples

Even if your essay isn’t worthy of The New Yorker , you can still make your mark on admissions officers. Writing an essay that fulfills all the goals of a personal statement, whether or not it meets every single criterion an admissions officer is looking for, can still get you into a great college.

Most personal statements are good personal statements, so don’t worry if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the amazing essay examples you see online. The key to writing a good personal statement is writing your personal statement. Focus on finding a topic that lets you communicate your own meaning and voice, and you’ll be set.

The following examples are awesome personal statements. There may be a little room for improvement in places, but the essays do exactly what they need to do. And they say a lot about their writers. Let’s see what the writers and admissions officers have to say.

Personal Statement Example #8: Beekeeper’s Club

As I lift the heavy lid of the hive, the hum of thousands of bees fills my ears. I carefully smoke the entrance to calm the bees, and I begin to inspect the frames. The bees are busy at work, collecting nectar and pollen, and tending to their young. I am in awe of their organization.

I never would have thought that I, a high school student, would become a beekeeper(( An interesting hobby for a high school student! I’m intrigued to see where this is going.)) . But now it’s something I can’t imagine my life without.

It all started when I found a beekeeping suit at a garage sale two summers ago. At a mere five dollars, it was yellowing and musty, but it appeared to be fully intact and without any holes. I’ve lived many lives as a hobbyist, always willing to try new things. I’ve been a sailor, a gardener, a basketball player, a harpist, a rock climber, and more. The problem is that I can never manage to see these hobbies through(( I see. Here we get a sense of what’s at stake in this new venture. The problem is that writer can’t seem to hold down a hobby. Will beekeeping solve that problem? Let’s find out .)) . As a perpetual novice, I always lose interest or become overwhelmed by all the information. But that’s never stopped me from taking up a new hobby, so I brought the beekeeping suit to the make-shift register and handed the seller a five-dollar bill.

To embark on my new hobby, I first went to the library and read everything I could find about beekeeping. Research is always my first step when starting something new. I like to know what I’m in for. As I read, I became fascinated by the fact that such small creatures can serve such a critical role on our planet. I learned about the importance of bees for pollinating crops, and I read that their populations have been declining in recent years. I was determined to do my part to help. This wasn’t just a hobby anymore— it was a mission(( And the stakes just got higher.)) .

But like the bees I’d been reading about, I knew I couldn't do it alone. My years of abandoning hobbies had taught me that this time, I needed guidance from someone with experience. I knew the first place to look. At the farmer’s market that Saturday, I went straight to the honey stand and introduced myself. The vendor’s name was Jeremy, and he was excited to see someone so young taking up beekeeping. I asked if I could come see his hives sometime, and he agreed.

I showed up the next weekend with my used beekeeping suit in hand. Jeremy gave me a tour. I was astounded by the simultaneous simplicity and complexity. As the months went by, Jeremy became my mentor. He taught me the importance of monitoring the health of the hive, how to properly harvest honey, and even the ins and outs of the farmer’s market business.

I was grateful for his guidance and friendship. I found myself becoming more and more passionate about bees and the art of beekeeping.

After months of tending to my hive, I finally had it up and running. These bees were in my care(( The writer has shown us that they’ve learned a big lesson from their past failures: they need support and guidance. I’m impressed that this time they are making an intentional change.)) —this was one hobby I couldn’t abandon. With that knowledge and Jeremy’s support, one hive grew to five. I’m not in it for the money or even the honey. I’m in it for the bees, for the millimeter of difference I’m making in their lives and in the life of the earth.

Through beekeeping, I have found a community of people who share my love for bees. Jeremy, the bees, and the entire beekeeping community have taught me not to quit. We support each other, share tips and advice, and work together to help protect these important insects. And in the process, I have learned that I can take up any new hobby I want and stick with it if I just put in enough effort(( Yep—the writer has come out of this journey on the other side, having learned that their effort does pay off.)) .

AO Notes on Beekeeper’s Club

As an admissions officer, it’s always fun to read about students’ eccentric hobbies. I’d count this as one of them. But what’s better than learning about the hobby is seeing a student’s personal growth.

What makes this essay good:

• Personal journey: Most good personal statements show some kind of personal growth. In this case, we see that the writer has grown mature and aware enough to hold down a hobby. We see that it wasn’t an easy road, but they got there.
• Strengths: There are lots of strengths in this personal statement. We see self-awareness, initiative, teamwork, and care for the bees and the planet.
• Reflection: Part of what makes this personal journey so good is that the writer takes us on the journey with them through reflection. At each stage of the journey, we know exactly what the writer is thinking and feeling. By the end, we’re celebrating their success with them.

What the writer could do to level up:

• Personal meaning: Yep, “personal journey” and “personal meaning” can be two separate things. Although the writer goes on a great personal journey, the personal meaning seems to be lacking a bit. It’s clear that this is an important topic to the writer, but it doesn’t exactly come across as an especially vulnerable one. The writer could make it more vulnerable by incorporating more personal meaning into their reflection: what would it have meant if they had quit beekeeping too? What’s the problem with dropping hobbies in the first place? Why is it personally important to learn to stick with things?

Personal Statement Example #9: Ann

Pushing her blonde curls from her forehead, she pursed her lips in focus(( This vivid, detailed description really draws me in.)) . She sat with legs crossed across the kitchen chair. This was it: the moment she’d been preparing for. Her tiny hand gripped the pencil as if it were a stick of dynamite and twitched her fingers up, down, and back again. She looked up at me and smiled, teeth too big for her growing mouth. “Ann,” the paper read. As I glowed back at my mini-me, I saw in her my whole heart(( And here the focus switches from Ann to the writer—an important transition.)) .

My sister was technically an accident, born when I was eleven years old. But I know that, in the grand scheme of things, Ann’s existence was destined by the cosmos. Watching her write was like looking in a mirror. My hair has long since turned brown, but she and I deal with the same unmanageable curls. Her toothy grin developed over five years of mutual laughter. And she got that unwavering focus from watching me do my own homework each night. At the same time I’ve taught her the ways of the world, she’s taught me joy, patience, and persistence(( Lessons learned! This sentence really draws attention to the main theme. It could be a little more specific because “joy, patience, and persistence” are almost cliche.)) .

I had been an only child for my first decade of life. I remember being lonely and without purpose. With Ann came the opportunity to make a real impact on someone, even as a child myself. The night she was born, I vowed to protect her. I had never seen anyone so small and fragile, and I begged my parents to let me hold her. Next to mine, her hand looked like a doll’s. It was purple and pink from the ordeal of birth. Her eyes barely opened, but I couldn’t keep mine off her.

Many older siblings find their younger siblings to be nuisances. But Ann has always been my best friend. Her first two years of life, she struggled with health issues that scared us all. I felt helpless and afraid, but I knew I had to fight alongside her. I did everything I could: I grabbed diapers and bottles for my parents, I talked to her for hours on end, and, when she was old enough, I spoon fed her and encouraged her to eat. As Ann grew bigger and stronger, I grew stronger, too(( It sounds like this was a really difficult challenge for the writer and their family. I appreciate this picture we get of the writer in relation to Ann.)) .

Each year has gotten better than the previous. I was there to catch Ann when she took her first steps, teach her her first words, and get her dressed every day. She tagged behind me as I took photos before my first dance, got my learner’s permit, and went on my college tours. While being a teen with a toddler sibling wasn’t always perfect, Ann’s mere presence makes those around her feel loved and appreciated. She’s exactly who I aspire to be.

Watching her write her name at the kitchen table, I became overwhelmed with the thought of leaving her to head off to college. She still has so much to learn, so many ways to grow. But just as the thought entered my mind, she spoke in her high-pitched and innocent voice. “When you go to college,” she asked, “will you tell me about your classes?” I blinked away the tears gathering in my eyes, smoothed her curls with my hand, and pulled her in close.

Going to college won’t mean leaving Ann. It will mean opening her world—and mine—to endless new knowledge and possibilities. She’ll grow and change, and so will I. When we reunite, we’ll smile our toothy smiles and embrace each other, our curly hair intertwining. We’ll sit at the kitchen table, focused and laughing, like nothing has changed(( I like how the siblings are continuing to grow together, but at the end of the day, they still have their amazing relationship.)) .

AO Notes on Ann

I always find sibling essays like this one so sweet. It’s amazing how clearly we can understand someone solely through their interactions with a loved one. As an admissions officer, I would see that this student would be a great community member (and roommate!).

• Deeply meaningful: Especially with the family context, it’s apparent that this topic is deeply meaningful to the writer. Because it’s so meaningful a topic, the writer is able to show an immense amount of care for Ann without even trying. AOs love seeing traits like care, maturity, and the ability to grow.
• Clear message: Personal statements should have themes that encompass the main message the writer wants to convey. This essay’s message is clear as day: the writer is a better, happier, more generous person because of Ann. They are an awesome sibling.
• More about the self: This one’s tricky because we get an implicit sense of who the writer is now through the overall tone and meaning. But a lot of the personal examples the writer chose are old examples from childhood and early adolescence. Some of those are important to provide family context, but I still would have liked to get a more recent picture of the writer.

Personal Statement Example #10: Running through My Neighborhood

My mind and eyes began to wander as I turned the corner on my fourth mile. I’ve always been a runner. It's a way for me to relax and challenge myself. Running makes me feel like I’m one with the world around me. As I run, I can't help but be struck by the beauty of the buildings and people that make up my city. Each is a work of art—a carefully-crafted expression of my community. With every step, I feel a deep connection to the life around me(( This introduction covers a lot, so this last sentence could be a bit more specific.)) .

On my run, I find myself drawn to the intricate details of the buildings. I admire the way the light catches on centuries-old bricks, casting shadows that dance across the pavement below. I look up at the skyscraper windows that nearly touch the sky, frightened at the sight of window washers. Old and new, the buildings all carry stories.

In the same way, I admire the neighbors around me. I see them feeding pigeons, smiling at me as I pass by. They’re walking dogs and babies, talking on a park bench, and playing hopscotch. I run by them, fast but steady, and breathe it all in. I’m on this beautiful city block, surrounded by people whose whole lives are familiar yet mysterious, and I’m running.

But it's not just the aesthetic beauty of the buildings that grabs my attention. As I run, I find myself thinking about the stories and histories behind each one. I wonder about the people who built them, the families they had at home, the lives they led. I think about the people who have lived and worked in these buildings and the memories that have been made within their walls.

Take the local bakery, for instance. I’ve run by there a thousand times in my life, each time soaking up the smell of freshly-baked bread and pastries. The building seems unassuming at first, with a simple glass door and brick façade. But once you step foot inside, you’re immediately hit with the warmth of the staff and patrons. The old photos on the wall and cozy furniture that has been there since the bakery’s opening back in the 1950s—it feels like home(( These are great vivid details.)) . The bakery is everything I value about my neighborhood. It completely represents what kind of neighbor I want to be. Plus, it’s not a bad place for a post-run snack.

Through my runs, I’ve also made connections with those who frequent the sidewalks alongside me. One of the people I see regularly on my runs is Mrs. Carter, an elderly woman who always has a kind word and a smile for everyone she meets. Her white hair is carefully curled, and her face is dimpled with laugh lines from thousands of conversations like ours. She often stops to chat with me, asking how my day is going and sharing stories from her own life. I always look forward to seeing her. She’s like the grandmother I never had. Mrs. Carter inspires me to be a better community member every day(( This kind of reflection brings the focus back to the writer’s personal journey.)) .

Running through my neighborhood is about more than just staying fit. It’s also about being in community with those around me. As I weave through the people on the sidewalk, I feel as though I am weaving myself through their stories, picking up tidbits and adding them to my own narrative. I wouldn’t be who I am today without these runs that have taught me so much. I can’t wait to run across my college campus, admiring my new surroundings and meeting my new neighbors(( I like this gesture to the future—as an AO, I would start to picture this student running through my campus, too!)) .

AO Notes on Running through My Neighborhood

Running essays can get a bad rap in college admissions. But this one overcomes that stereotype. At its core, this essay is about the runner’s relationship to their community. I really appreciate how much care and enthusiasm this writer shows for those around them.

• Writing: The writer’s voice shines through. They have great vivid descriptions, and we’re really able to envision ourselves in the neighborhood alongside them.
• Personal meaning: The way the writer describes those they encounter in their neighborhood shows that this isn’t a minor part of their life. Their runs are a big deal. The people they see along the way have greatly shaped who they are.
• Greater focus on self: Now, there are much worse culprits when it comes to personal essays that focus on people other than the writer. But the writer does toe the line. Their descriptions mostly focus on those around them, and while there is some reflection that connects their own experience to other people, it doesn’t actually take up much space in the essay. To level up, the writer could make this essay more about themself.

Personal Statement Example #11: Musical Installation Art

As a child, I was always drawn to stringed instruments(( The hook could have more punch, but this gets the job done.)) . I would pluck at my dad's old guitars, create makeshift harps with dental floss, and even play around with the banjo and harp in music class. As I got older, I realized that I wanted to focus on making my own instruments. And where better to start than in my dad's scrapyard? The yard sprawled out for almost five acres behind our house. It was a marvel of junk and oddities, with the accumulated garbage from hundreds of junker cars built up in our backyard. I grew up playing there, leading a childhood that most parents would probably see as reckless—rolling tires through narrow alleyways between crushed cars stacked high. But for me, the backyard was an endless playground for my imagination.

It was there that I discovered the joys of welding and soldering. I would rummage through piles of metal and find pieces that I could fashion into something new. My first sculptures were simple, resembling birds or dogs and pieced together from strips of metal. I’d look for similar art everywhere I went, grasping for inspiration. At a fair one weekend, I saw a booth run by an artist who built guitars. After speaking with him about his art, he asked to see a picture of my sculptures. I showed him and explained that I hoped to make my own instruments one day, too. He scuttled to the back of his tent and returned with a gift: a set of thick copper strings. “Try using those,”(( What an endearing story.)) he told me.

My first sculpture instrument was a crude thing—little more than a board of metal with pegs that I used to pull the copper strings tight. But I tightened them, I was in love—spending all night plucking away. At first, the instrument wailed and screeched. String by string, I delicately tuned the wires into sirens. I had created something that played music, and I was so proud.

My experience building the instrument motivated me to enroll in a sculpture class at the local community college. It was there that I learned how to properly solder metal and create more complex structures. For my final project, I made a three-foot-tall, four-stringed metal instrument in the shape of a dragon.

But as I worked, I started to realize that my dragon wasn't going to be beautiful in the traditional sense. Its metal body was jagged and uneven, and the strings were stretched tight across its back in a way that produced discordant, almost abrasive music. I tried to adjust the tuning, but no matter what I did, the music remained harsh and unpleasant.

At first, I was disappointed. I wanted my dragon to be a work of art, something that people would marvel at and love listening to. But as I continued to play with it, I started to see the beauty in the chaos(( This paragraph shows wonderful growth. And as a reader, I’m drawn in trying to imagine what the sculpture actually looks like.)) . The music it produced was like a musical language that I had invented, one that was wild and untamed. It was a reflection of my own creativity and individuality. A discordant collection of notes that sounded like they’d been tuned so as to be atonal. But I didn't care. I was a scrapyard kid, and this dragon played the song of my people: strong, innovative, and beautiful.

The combination of sculpture and music fascinates me. How does the shape of a fabrication affect the kind of sound that the object produces? What sounds do different materials produce? As I’ve learned more about sculpture, I’ve also become interested in installation art that has sound dimensions. I want to capture people’s visual and aural attention to inspire questions about how we navigate the aesthetic world(( It sounds like this topic potentially relates to the student’s future goals. If that’s true, there could be a clearer academic connection here.)) . And I’ll use whatever scraps I can find to make my creations.

AO Notes on Musical Installation Art

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a piece of musical installation art myself, so this topic really held my attention. I appreciate the journey the writer went on to learn that their art may not look like everyone else’s, but it can be just as impactful.

• Topic: I like this topic not only because it’s not one you see every day but also because it lets the writer reveal a lot about themself and their background. We see where they grew up and who they grew up with, and we also learn about this deeply meaningful personal interest.
• Writing style: This author has a very distinct writing style. In some ways, the writing style mirrors their art style—abrupt at times, melodic at others.
• Organization: The first half of this essay doesn’t always match up with the second half. Even though we’re still able to see the writer’s journey as a metal artist and musician, there’s still a bit of streamlining that needs to happen.

Personal Statement Example #12: Ski Patrol

I can never get enough of being in the mountains(( This hook isn’t very compelling, so it could use some more attention.)) . I am a skier through and through. Growing up, I spent countless family vacations on the slopes with my dad and siblings. I love the rush I get speeding down the mountain—I’ve improved so much over my life that I can now handle most runs I come across. But last year, I took my love for skiing to a whole other level by joining ski patrol.

It was mid-December, and my family had decided to take a weekend away to go skiing. Everything was going normally at first. We had a good day on the slopes and wanted to go one more run before calling it a night. We took a moment to rest and watched the person in front of us go. Only seconds after she headed down the mountain, something happened with her ski. She catapulted into a nearby tree. People raced to check on her, while we stayed back and alerted ski patrol.

When ski patrol arrived, I watched in amazement. They moved in such a precise way. They were like a machine—everyone knew exactly what to do when. Thankfully, it was a false alarm and the skier only had a few scratches. But my own life was changed forever. I knew then that I wanted to be a part of this team, to help others in a tangible way and to make a difference on the mountain that had always been my home.

As soon as I could, I applied for the Junior Ski Patrol team. I had to go through a tryout process on the hill, which made me nervous. But it felt good to be surrounded by people who loved skiing as much as I do. Thankfully, I was accepted shortly after; it was one of the best days of my life. Now on Junior Ski Patrol, I have the opportunity to do what I love – skiing – while also making a positive impact on others(( And here we get to the heart of the essay. The writer wants to help others while doing something they love. It’s a noble pursuit!)) . My team shadows the adult Ski Patrol, and we learn a lot of lessons along the way.

On the mountain (and in life), you never know what challenges might arise. One of the most important things I’ve learned from Junior Ski Patrol is to be prepared for anything. I’ve gotten my CPR and first aid certifications so I’m always prepared to administer life-saving care to anyone who might need it. I know how to pack a bag full of enough essentials to survive harsh weather or injuries.

But ski patrol has also taught me so much more than just how to help others. It has shown me how I work best on a team. I’m not naturally a leader, which is something I’ve always felt ashamed about. After learning from our mentors who all fulfill different roles on their adult Ski Patrol team, I realized that I don’t have to be a leader to be a good team member. The quiet collaborators who can follow the lead, take initiative when needed, and do their jobs really well are just as important as the people who are front-and-center(( An important personal insight.)) .

Being on ski patrol as a high school student has been an incredible journey, and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of such a dedicated team. More importantly, I’m proud of the growth I’ve experienced. I went from a person who just loves skiing to a person who is more confident in herself. I no longer feel unprepared or timid. I know exactly how to keep myself safe and work alongside others. While I don’t want to be a professional Ski Patroller or even go into medicine, I know these lessons will serve me well wherever life takes me(( As an AO, I would have been wondering if being on JSP made them want to study medicine, so I appreciate that they answered it for me!)) . But no matter where I end up, when the mountain calls, you know I’ll answer.

AO Notes on Ski Patrol

In this fun hobby-meets-accomplishment essay, the writer shows us their strengths of care and teamwork. I like the crossover between something that they really enjoy and this impressive accomplishment they have of being on Junior Ski Patrol.

• Lessons learned: The writer makes it very clear what lessons they learned from Junior Ski Patrol. Lessons don’t always have to be this explicit, but I appreciate how the writer really takes the time to reflect on what they’ve learned.
• Personal insight: Okay, this point is related to the lessons learned. But it’s important to draw out on its own because personal essays are, of course, personal. This topic easily could have been just about skiing down a mountain or administering first aid on patrol. Instead, the writer kept the focus inward to meet the expectations of a personal essay.
• What’s at stake?: We do get a good sense of personal meaning. But the writer could do a better job of speaking to the significance of this activity to their life. A good question to ask is, “What’s at stake?” What would I have lost or gained if this story had turned out differently? Asking these questions can also help you figure out what it is that you want an admissions officer to learn from your personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #13: The Regulars

One pump of vanilla syrup. Frothed milk. One espresso shot. Caramel drizzle(( Starting with some version of the following sentence would have been a stronger hook.)) . Like a scientist at her bench, I have methodically repeated these steps four days a week for the past two years. During my time as a Starbucks barista, I’ve learned hundreds of recipes and customizations. I know all the secret menu hacks, and I’ve developed several recipes for friends and family too. I pride myself on speed, quality, and memory. My favorite part of the job is the customer service. As one of the busiest locations in the region, I’ve caffeinated thousands. But it’s my regular customers, those whose orders I know like the back of my hand, who have truly impacted me.

Venti Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew, hold the vanilla syrup. A busy mom of four, Chelsea is always in a hurry. I try to catch her the moment she enters the store so I can get started right away. Her Venti drink fuels her through school dropoffs and pickups, gymnastics lessons, and evening math homework. Throughout my conversations with her, I’ve learned that Chelsea is a scheduling virtuoso. As someone with ADHD(( This paragraph is almost too much about Chelsea, so this sentence is crucial to bring the focus back to the writer.)) , I became so inspired by her ability to juggle so many people and schedules simultaneously. After asking her for advice, she helped me find a time management system that I can keep up with. I have Chelsea to thank for my improved grades.

Grande dark roast, no room for cream. Mr. Williams is a retired businessman who always tips 100%. Mr. Williams is a quiet man, so it took me months to draw any information from him. Instead of using my over-the-top customer service voice, I eventually learned to be myself. When I got him to open up, I discovered that he was a service worker himself before he made it big in business in his sixties. The truth is, Mr. Williams has tipped me hundreds of dollars throughout my time here, which is extra money that will help me pay for college. He’s taught me the value of quiet generosity(( Let’s be honest. Mr. Williams sounds like a cool guy. But Mr. Williams isn’t applying to college—the writer is! I like that we get small glimpses into who the writer is through this paragraph, but there’s still room for more.)) .

Tall soy London Fog. Sweet Darla gave up coffee twenty-five years ago, but she still loves an occasional treat. When Darla enters, I clear my schedule. She always has stories to tell about the eighty years of life she’s lived. Darla is everything I want to be at that age: she’s spunky, opinionated, and hilarious(( Here we learn a lot about the writer through Darla.)) . Sometimes I tell Darla stories of my own. When I explained the dramatic series of events that led to me landing first chair in my symphony, she said she was going to retell it her bridge club. Making Darla laugh so hard will always be one of my proudest moments.

Grande iced matcha. Taylor is my age and goes to my school. When I took her order for the first time, I felt embarrassed that I needed to work to support myself while she could enjoy expensive drinks. But her kindness softened me. As time went on, I learned that she visited Starbucks so much because she wanted to get out of her house, which wasn’t a very happy place. While I have to take on as many shifts as possible, I still have a happy home to return to afterward. Now Taylor comes in near the end of my shift so we can take our drinks and have dinner at my house.

When you work in customer service, customers enter and exit your life like a revolving door. But the regulars, those special people who draw connections from daily but brief interactions, stick with you for life. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for these people, and I would never have met them if it weren’t for my job as a barista. I haven’t just been making drinks these past two years. I’ve been making friends(( The conclusion does a good job tying all these different stories back together. )) .

AO Notes on The Regulars

No one appreciates a good barista story more than a tired admissions officer on their 30th application of the day! I like the personality that comes through in this essay especially. But this is one of those cases where it’s almost too much about other people.

• Creative take: Not every college essay needs a creative flair. In fact, sometimes going for “unique” structures can detract from an essay. But I like how the writer uses this format to structure the essay.
• Organization: This essay isn’t one a reader is bound to get lost in. The introduction sets up the essay well, it’s easy to see the connections between the points the writer is conveying, and the conclusion brings the focus back to the writer.
• More focus on self: While we do learn about the writer in this essay, we also learn a lot about Chelsea, Mr. Williams, Darla, and Taylor. The writer could have pared down the descriptions of other people—or cut one of the examples altogether—to save more room for personal reflection.

“Bad” Personal Statement Examples

These “bad” essays aren’t necessarily bad. They just aren’t very effective personal statements. Specifically, these two essays make some of the biggest college essay mistakes.

Making mistakes, especially when you’ve never written a personal statement before, is to be expected. We’ve included these examples so you can see what those mistakes look like in real-time. Learning from ineffective examples can be just as helpful as learning from the exceptional ones, so grab your pencil and start taking notes.

Our admissions officers have highlighted what’s working and what’s not. They offer helpful commentary and advice for revisions that you can use to assess your own personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #14: The Worst Year

My sophomore year of high school presented me with so many challenges(( This hook definitely gets straight to the point, but it doesn’t draw me in as a reader.)) . I struggled with a lot that year and barely managed to get by. It was the greatest challenge I ever faced.

The year started out like any other but soon went into chaos. My brother suddenly started struggling with drugs and alcohol. Before that, we didn’t know how bad he was hurting. But one night he finally came to us for help because apparently he had been using substances to cope with his emotions. He was scared because he felt like he had reached a breaking point and needed support. My parents didn’t want to help because they thought that he didn’t have a problem but I know my brother and I knew that he didn’t seem like himself. It was so sad to watch him go through that. I tried my best to help him but I was only a kid. I couldn’t really do anything besides tell him I loved him. Eventually my parents decided to get him some help, so he went away for a while and I wrote him letters every week and visited him as much as I could. The treatment he got helped thankfully. He’s doing better now and I am grateful that he is my brother.

But then Covid hit and I couldn’t even leave my house. We thought it would just be a two week vacation to school but it turned into two whole years of my life gone just like that. At the beginning I was stuck in my bedroom while my parents were working their jobs from the living room. Everyone was constantly getting annoyed with each other and driving each other wild. I would be doing a class Zoom in my room and I could hear my parents in a meeting in the living room. I had a hard time not being able to see my friends. I couldn't focus and my grades dropped. Even my teachers didn’t really seem to care. I was sick of staring at black Zoom screens all the time that I even stopped logging on. All of that combined led to me becoming very depressed and anxious. My grades dropped even more because I just couldn’t pay attention or focus enough to do my homework. I ended up getting grades way lower than I ever thought I would that year and I’m so frustrated about it because it felt like I was trying my best but it just wasn’t enough(( Here we see the writer opening up a bit and reflecting on what it was like to go through that experience.)) .

Even once we finally got back in school things didn’t get much better. The pandemic was just too much for my family so my parents ended up getting divorced at the beginning of my junior year. After all we had been through together seeing them separate made me devastated. My dad got an apartment and I had to go back and forth between their houses and pack up all my stuff every time. It was like moving my entire life every weekend. My brother was out of the house by this point so it was just me all by myself. My school was far from my dad’s new place so I’d have a long commute on the weeks I was with him. He was stressed at work and about the divorce and I just ended up feeling so lonely and spending most of my time in my room. My grades got better once online school stopped(( This moment of hope does a lot for moving the essay forward.)) but I had a hard time keeping close relationships with my friends because they didn’t like that I was living far away now and that we couldn’t really hang out anymore.

I couldn’t believe that two years would change so much. Getting through everything really challenged me. But I’m glad to be moving forward with my life.

AO Notes on The Worst Year

This student definitely had a challenging year. It’s clear that they’ve overcome a lot, and I appreciate their willingness to share their struggles. I like that the very last sentence

What this essay does well:

• Vulnerability: Writing about challenges is never easy, especially when you’re writing to people you don’t know. This writer is bold and unafraid in doing so.

What could be improved on:

• Not enough positivity: Here’s the thing. You definitely don’t need to be able to spin all of your challenging experiences into positive ones. But the topics you choose to write your college essay about should ultimately conclude on a positive note. You want your college essay to show you in a positive light, so you should choose a topic that lets you find a light, positive, or hopeful resolution.

Personal Statement Example #15: The Strikeout that Changed My Life

The stadium lights shone brightly in my eyes. I stepped up to the plate and drew back my bat. I wiggled my fingers, waiting. The pitcher wound up his arm and threw the ball towards me. My eyes worked overtime to track the ball. I watched as it flew directly towards the center of the plate and made a last-minute curve(( I like this vivid description.)) . It went straight into the catcher’s mitt. “Strike three!” the umpire yelled. That was the time I struck out at the quarter-finals. My team was so close to making it to the championship that we could taste it. It was the bottom of the sixth, and I gave up a valuable chance to score game-winning runs. We ended up losing. I learned a valuable lesson that fateful day. I never wanted to let my team down like that again(( And the writer jumps quickly into the main theme of the essay. Still, the message here could be more specific.)) .

We had advanced through our bracket without much trouble. The other teams were no match for our work ethic and teamwork. We were in perfect sync. As the first baseman, I was ready for any throw that came my way. We were also hitting well. I scored three home runs throughout the course of the tournament. We were a high-functioning machine. But for a machine to work, each cog has to function correctly. When I stepped up to the plate in the sixth inning, I was a broken cog.

After our quarter–final loss, I grieved with my teammates. Then I went off on my own to think. How had I let my team down so badly? How did I not even try to swing at that pitch? It was all my fault. I had to figure out what I had done wrong so I would never make the mistake again. I realized that I had been thinking selfishly. I was concerned about my own performance, my own at-bat averages(( This is a good reflection.)) . I was scared of failing because I didn’t want to be embarrassed. And worrying about all of those things caused me to lose focus and miss my chance to make a difference. Instead, I should have been thinking about how my at-bat would contribute to my team’s overall goal of winning the game.

I returned to where my teammates were congregating, and several of them patted me on the back. The next day, we went over how the game went as a team and talked about how we could improve at our tournament the following weekend. I admitted that I felt like I let the team down. My teammates said that they understood and reassured me that mistakes happen. It wasn’t my failed at-bat alone that lost us the game. Like winning, losing is a team effort. It was a culmination of lots of little issues. At the end of the day, the other team just out-performed us. But we could try hard, practice a lot, and return triumphant next weekend.

Letting my team down was a crushing blow to my self-esteem. I never want to feel like that again, but I know that the experience caused me to grow. Through all of this, I learned that I have to trust myself and my team(( Here we get to the lesson learned.)) . Focusing on myself alone can only get me so far. But focusing on my team can get me to where I want to go. I’m actually thankful that I struck out in that sixth inning because it caused me to learn an important life lesson.

AO Notes on The Strikeout that Changed My Life

This essay on its own definitely isn’t “bad.” As far as essays go, it’s clear, well-written, and organized nicely. But as a college essay, it could be doing more work on the writer’s behalf. See, as an admissions officer, I don’t actually learn that much about the writer from this essay alone. I see that they like baseball, are a good teammate, and can overcome failure. Those are wonderful traits, but they don’t exactly help set this student apart on the admissions committee floor. Instead, the student could make this essay more vulnerable and personal.

• Writing: The writer uses some great creative writing skills to really set the scene for the readers. In that first paragraph, I really feel like I’m there watching the game.
• Reflection: Even though the topic could be more significant, the writer does a great job reflecting on the meaning they drew from the experience.
• Significance: It’s very clear that this topic holds a lot of meaning to the writer. But as a college essay topic, it lacks vulnerability and stakes.

Key Takeaways

Writing a personal statement is a difficult ask, especially when you’ve never even read one before. But now, with these fifteen examples in your back pocket, you’re ready to write your own.

If you’re not sure what steps to take next, hop on over to our guide to writing personal statements for advice. You can also find more extensive guidance on the Essay Academy , a comprehensive college essay writing video course and community.

Happy writing! 🥳

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