presentation on self talk

What is Positive Self-Talk? (Incl. Examples)

This dialogue can range from giving ourselves instructions while we carry out a task, random observations about our environment or a situation, or it could be what is often referred to as self-talk.

Self-talk is the internal narrative you hold about yourself. It’s your inner voice and you may or may not have spent much time thinking about it or giving it any attention. The truth is, our self-talk can actually have a much bigger influence on the way we see ourselves, and the world around us than we realize.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself but will also give you the tools to help your clients, students or employees show more compassion to themselves.

This Article Contains:

A look at the psychology, what does the research say, the importance and benefits of positive self-talk, is there any evidence that suggests it can help with anxiety and depression, can it help combat stress, 10 examples of positive self-talk statements and phrases, how to use positive self-talk: 4 strategies and techniques, 3 exercises and activities for adults, 3 positive self-talk activities for students, a positive self-talk game, 5 positive self-talk worksheets (incl. pdf), does using positive self-talk guarantee a positive outcome.

• 3 Books Worth Reading

3 TED Talk Videos

10 quotes on the topic, a take-home message.

Self-talk is generally thought to be a mix of conscious and unconscious beliefs and biases that we hold about ourselves and the world generally. It was Sigmund Freud who first created the idea that we have both conscious and unconscious levels of thought, with unconscious cognitive processes influencing our behavior in ways we don’t realize (Cherry, 2019).

Self-talk can be positive or negative – and paying attention to which you most often sway towards, can help you start making proactive changes about how you take on life’s challenges.

Negative Self-Talk

Our patterns of self-talk are all too often negative – we focus on preconceived ideas that we’re ‘ not good enough ’ or ‘ always a failure ’ or ‘ can’t do anything right ’. Our brains are hardwired to remember negative experiences over positive ones, so we recall the times we didn’t quite get it right more than the times we do. We then replay these messages in our minds, fuelling negative feelings (Jantz, 2016).

Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk, as you may have guessed, is the flip of negative self-talk. It’s not about narcissism, or deceiving ourselves into thinking things that are inaccurate. It’s more about showing yourself some self-compassion and understanding for who you are and what you’ve been through (Jantz, 2019).

Positive self-talk sees our internal narrative switching to ideas like ‘ I can do better next time ’ or ‘I choose to learn from my mistakes, not be held back by them ’.

In terms of how impactful positive self-talk can be, the research unanimously agrees it’s quite a lot. From sports professionals to losing weight, to combatting depression: changing the way you talk to yourself can have a proactive roll-on effect in behavior changes.

• Keizer, Smeets, and Dijkerman (2013) conducted a study where they asked patients with anorexia nervosa to walk through a doorway that became increasingly narrower. Participants with the disorder began to turn their bodies when the doorway was 40% wider than their shoulders, compared to participants who had no diagnosis, who only began to turn when the doorway was 25% wider than their shoulders. The researchers surmised that the negative self-talk the anorexic participants participated in had a dramatic effect on the way they viewed their bodies – making them believe they were larger than they actually were.
• Conroy and Metzler (2004) explored the ways self-talk impacts cognitive anxiety in sports performance. They looked at state-specific self-talk, so the way athletes spoke to themselves while failing, while succeeding, while wishing for success, and while fearing failure. They measured these alongside expressions of situation-specific trait performance anxiety: fear of failure, fear of success and sport anxiety. They found the strongest results for self-talk associated with fear of failure and sports anxiety, essentially the athletes experienced higher anxiety when using negative self-talk.
• Similarly, Kendall and Treadwell (2007) also explored the ways self-talk effects anxiety. They investigated self-talk as a predictor for anxiety in children with and without a diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. They found that reducing negative self-talk mediated substantial treatment gains in the children with a diagnosis.
• Wrisberg (1993) found that self-talk can help to improve learning performance, by assisting with the concept of ‘chunking’ complex information, which has been proven in aiding recall and carrying out complex tasks accurately.
• Chopra (2012) found that providing students with effective strategies to turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk enabled them to successfully transform their negative thought processes and the value of doing so in their lives.
• Todd, Oliver, and Harvey (2011) carried out a review of the literature and research surrounding self-talk and unanimously found that positive self-talk interventions are effective in mediating cognitive and behavioral change.

From helping to overcome body dysmorphia to sports performance, mediating anxiety and depression, to more effective learning: positive self-talk can make a world of difference.

Three additional benefits include:

1. Helps to Reduce Stress

Research has shown that people who are more inclined towards thinking optimistically, are also more inclined towards positive self-talk and utilize more active coping strategies when faced with stressful situations and challenges (Iwanaga, Yokoyama, and Seiwa, 2004).

Positive self-talk helps you reframe the way you look at stressful situations, understanding that you will approach challenges with the best of your ability and that whatever the outcome – you did the best you could. Tackling these situations with an ‘ I can do this ’ mindset rather than a negative ‘ This is too hard ’ one, opens up new ways of thinking and problem-solving.

2. Helps to Boost Confidence and Resilience

Approaching life with a positive self-talk approach can help to boost your self-confidence . Individuals who score highly for optimism and positive self-esteem are more likely to achieve their goals, score good grades and recover quickly from surgery (Lyubormisky, 2008).

Regular positive self-talk can help you to feel more confident in the face of achieving your goals, as you instill yourself with the belief that the things you want are achievable, and when problems do arise, you find workarounds.

3. Helps Build Better Relationships

You’re probably aware of what it feels like to be around someone who is positive, self-assured and content in who they are as a person. They exude confidence, and it reflects positively on those around them. Assad, Donnellan, and Conger (2012) found that couples who were more optimistic cited higher levels of cooperation and positive outcomes.

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The research seems to support the idea that positive self-talk can indeed help with disorders like anxiety and depression. This is mainly because negative self-talk has been widely linked with disorders such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, aggression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (Leung and Poon, 2001, Owens and Chard, 2001).

Flipping self-talk to positive has also been shown to mediate some really great results with young people diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (Kendall and Treadwell, 2007).

What this tells us is that positive self-talk can help to overcome these disorders, by correcting the bias towards negative thoughts and beliefs we might hold about ourselves.

In a nutshell, yes. As touched on briefly, one of the benefits of positive self-talk is that it can help you approach challenges and stressful situations with a more open and optimistic mindset (Iwanaga, Yokoyama, and Seiwa, 2004).

Positive self-talk isn’t about knowing all the answers or thinking you’re amazing, it’s simply about reframing how you view things, removing negative bias, and approaching life with the idea that you can tackle things – and even if it doesn’t go perfectly – you’ll learn from it for next time.

It’s important to know that not everyone’s positive self-talk will be the same, and you should try a few different approaches to find the ones that ultimately work for you.

Here are ten just to get you started:

• I have the power to change my mind.
• Attempting to do this took courage and I am proud of myself for trying.
• Even though it wasn’t the outcome I hoped for, I learned a lot about myself.
• I might still have a way to go, but I am proud of how far I have already come.
• I am capable and strong, I can get through this.
• Tomorrow is a chance to try again, with the lessons learned from today.
• I will give it my all to make this work.
• I can’t control what other people think, say or do. I can only control me.
• This is an opportunity for me to try something new.
• I can learn from this situation and grow as a person.

Before you can begin to use positive self-talk, you first need to identify how often and what type of negative thinking/self-talk you engage in. Once you understand this, you can make a start on retraining your thoughts.

Negative self-talk tends to fall into one of four categories:

• Personalizing – Meaning you blame yourself when things go wrong.
• Polarizing – Meaning you see things only as good or bad, no gray areas or room for middle ground.
• Magnifying – Meaning you only focus on the bad or negative in every scenario and dismiss anything good or positive.
• Catastrophizing – Meaning you always expect the worst.

You might identify with only one of these categories or multiple. The point is once you start categorizing your thoughts like this, you can then begin to work on switching them for more positive frames.

This won’t happen overnight, and you’ll need to ensure you put in the practice to really hone in on your self-talk and identify where changes are needed.

Some strategies you might use to achieve this could include:

1. Identifying Self-Talk Traps

Some situations may cause us to indulge in more negative self-talk than others. For example, an introvert might find negative self-talk crops up when they have to attend social events or networking.

Identifying these traps can help you put in more preparation to address and switch your negative to positive self-talk.

2. Utilize Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are a great way to switch up our self-talk chatter. Before a situation even arises that might incite negative self-talk, practice saying positive affirmations in the mirror to encourage your positive approach to yourself.

Visual cues are also excellent reminders to adopt a more positive approach. Little notes, posters or post-its around the house with positive expressions can make a huge difference to your daily mindset.

3. Check-In With Your Emotions Regularly

Switching to positive self-talk takes effort. We’re so attuned to negative self-talk that it might only take one or two minor setbacks to put you back down that path.

When challenges do arise, make sure you check in with how you’re feeling and that your self-talk hasn’t gotten negative. Bring it back with some positive phrases.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Create Boundaries

Sometimes there are people in our lives who don’t bring out the best in us. Identifying self-talk traps might also mean identifying a person or two who encourages you to think negatively about yourself. It’s okay to create boundaries and remove these people.

Focus on surrounding yourself with people who talk positively about you, and encourage you to do the same.

Once you have a better understanding of how prominent your negative self-talk might be, and the categories you use when indulging in self-talk, you can spend some more time working on developing your positive self-talk instead.

The below exercises are great for personal and individual use, or if you’re coaching a client or small group to practice their positive self-talk:

1. Listen, Learn and Think it Through Exercise

Step One: Listen

Keep a diary for a few days to a week and take it with you everywhere you go. Pay close attention to your self-talk and make a note of:

• Is it mostly positive or negative?
• What events, people or scenarios encourage positive versus negative self-talk?
• What would a friend or loved one say if they knew you talked to yourself in this way?
• Are there any common threads in your self-talk?

Step Two: Learn

At the end of the week, reflect on what you have written. Think about the following questions:

• What thoughts come up most often?
• Why do they come up?
• How would you feel about yourself if you switched negative self-talk for positive?
• How did negative self-talk hold you back from achieving your goals?
• What might you achieve if you practiced more positive self-talk?

Step Three: Think it Through

To really move negative to positive self-talk, you need to think over why you had the thoughts in the first place and answer honestly about how true these thoughts are. A few questions to use for this final part of the exercise:

• How big of a deal is this really? Might I be overreacting?
• Are my thoughts and conclusions based on facts or opinions? Whose opinions?
• Am I guessing at information and making assumptions?
• How accurate is this thought really?

2. Time to Switch Gears Exercise

This is a great follow on exercise from Listen, Learn and Think it Through. Now that you know where your negative self-talk might be holding you back, and when it arises, you can look to ‘switch gears’ about how you talk to yourself.

This exercise involves taking the negative self-talk you use and reframing it with a positive self-talk alternative.

For example:

Negative Self-Talk: ‘ I am such an idiot! I screwed up that project and there’s no coming back from that .’

Positive Self-Talk: ‘ I didn’t do as well as I know I can but that’s okay. Now I know what I can do next time to be better, and that will help my personal and professional growth .’

Negative Self-Talk: ‘ This deadline is impossible, I’ll never be able to get the work done .’

Positive Self-Talk: ‘ This is a lot to accomplish, and I can only do what I can do. As long as I keep my colleagues/boss informed, I’m sure we can make this work .’

Negative Self-Talk: ‘ What’s the point in going, everyone will see what an imposter I am .’

Positive Self-Talk: ‘ Meeting new people can be daunting but I’m a good person, with lots to offer .’

Keep practicing and rehearsing how you switch up your negative self-talk and over time you’ll find that positive self-talk begins to come more naturally to you.

3. How Accurate is This Exercise

When stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk, it can feel impossible to stop and consider the origin. It’s often a long-ingrained assumption we’ve embedded and taken on as part of our identity.

To help challenge the assumption and make the switch to positive self-talk, it’s important to stop and ask the question:

How accurate is this belief?

When negative self-talk arises, try to follow these steps and ask yourself:

• Where does this belief come from?
• Is the information this belief is based on fact or opinion?
• Why do I believe this?
• How accurate is it?

Next, reflect and list all the times, situations and examples you can think of that go against the negative belief or self-talk statement you have. Write down:

• Every time someone thanked you for your help or good work
• Every time you’ve felt good or confident about yourself – what was the situation?
• Every time you’ve been successful, no matter how small.

This process will help you build a more accurate and balanced profile of who you really are. This isn’t about creating a biased profile of how amazing you are, simply more realistic – accepting at times you might have failed or got it wrong, but you’ve also got it right too.

Working with students to increase their positive self-talk is a great opportunity to set them up with strong resilience and a mindset that sees them persisting in achieving their goals. Below are three exercises that are simple and easy to do with students, either individually or with groups.

1. Positive Affirmations Mood Board Activity

Visual cues for positive self-talk can be a great way to help encourage young people to incorporate them more into their everyday life. A mood board is a great visual representation to remind young people of the positive affirmations and self-talk they should use.

You will need:

• Selection of old magazines, newspapers or books that can be cut up
• Selection of pens and pencils
• Scissors and glue
• Pinboards or old cardboard for sticking affirmations to

Ask students to go through the selection of magazines to pick out keywords, phrases or pictures that they feel best to represent positive emotions, experiences, and goals they have. Ask them to focus on the words that create these feelings.

Using either the boards or cardboard, students can stick or pin their chosen words and photos in a style that suits them – use different pens too and ask them to get creative with something that speaks to them and makes them feel good.

Once complete, students can keep the boards in a visual place in the home as a daily reminder. You could even ask them to pick three positive affirmations they like to repeat daily in front of their boards, to help inspire positive self-talk.

2. The Imaginary Best Friend Activity

This activity has a very simple premise. It encourages young people to think more deeply about the negative self-talk they engage in, and whether they would use it when referring to a friend, or if a friend would use it to refer to them.

You can use the Listen, Learn, Think it Through exercise to help students to begin to identify when they use negative self-talk, and what phrases/words they use to talk about themselves.

Once they have their list, ask them to reflect on each negative self-talk phrase and ask the following questions:

• Would a friend say or think this about me?
• Would I say or think this about a friend?
• What would a friend say about me instead?
• What would I say to a friend who thought this about themselves?

The answers to these questions can formulate some new positive self-talk phrases.

Ask students to keep these phrases written down, either on their phone or in a notebook, that they keep with them. When they start to use negative self-talk, remind them to refer to this exercise and the positive self-talk phrases they created instead.

3. Identifying Positive versus Negative Self Talk Activity

For younger students, it’s important to help them become familiar with what negative versus positive self-talk looks like. A simple card activity can help to begin identifying this, as well as giving them the resources to incorporate more positive self-talk.

• Colored paper or card cut into squares or a variety of shapes
• Colored pens

Create some fun shapes or stick to squares and cut up the colored card or paper – aim for at least 10-15 pieces for each set of phrases (so 10 for negative phrases and 10 for positive phrases). On each piece, write out your chosen phrases.

Mix up all the phrases together and then sit down with your student/s. Ask them to work through the cards and create two piles – one for negative self-talk and one for positive self-talk. Encourage them to reflect on each one as they go. Discussion points could include:

• Do you ever use this phrase?
• Why do you think this is positive/negative?
• If this phrase is positive, what would the negative sound like (and vice versa)?

You could even ask them to create a third pile of cards for the phrases they are unsure of, and again encourage some discussion around this at the end to encourage their thinking.

A popular game is Negative Ned versus Positive Pat, which can be adapted for use with young people, teenagers, and adults. Here’s what it involves:

Number of players:

Minimum of 2, maximum of six, for ages 5 and up.

Game Materials Provided:

• Two sets of game cards (One set Negative Ned and one set Positive Pat)
• One set of scenario cards

Game Materials Needed:

• Colored paper or card
• Scissors and sellotape or glue

How to Play:

• Cut out the phrases and glue them to the card. Shuffle the scenario cards and then shuffle the Negative Ned/Positive Pat cards together separately to create two piles of shuffled cards.
• Provide an example of the self-talk that the card represents (negative or positive).
• Explain how this type of self-talk would make them feel and respond to the scenario.
• Then they must place the Ned or Pat card in the corresponding tube (so there should be a tube or place card on the table that represents Ned and Pat.
• Continue around the group of players in this fashion.
• Describe the benefit of using positive self-talk.
• Describe a consequence of using negative self-talk.
• The player then keeps the cards from the tube they selected.
• The game continues until all of the Ned/Pat cards have been gone through.
• The winner is the player who has accumulated the most Ned or Pat cards at the end.

You can download a PDF of the game instructions , including printouts of the card decks needed.

Worksheets are a fantastic resource if you’re in the process of coaching someone, or working with groups of students, to better understand how to utilize positive self-talk. Below are three excellent ones I came across in my research:

1. Self-Esteem Journal Worksheet

Positive self-talk has been linked with higher self-esteem . Journalling is a fantastic way to focus more on the positives in your everyday and life overall, but many people aren’t familiar with this as a resource for helping inspire behavioral changes.

This worksheet is a fantastic tool for those who are new to journaling and want to make sure they find the real value in doing it. It incorporates five tables of prompts to encourage you to think positively about different aspects of your day. These prompts include:

• I felt proud of myself today when I …
• Today, I enjoyed …
• My family admires me for my …
• The highlight of my day was …

Table Three:

• 3 unique things about me are …
• One of my best attributes is …

Table Four:

• I am excited about …
• I am in my element when I …

Table Five:

• My biggest success this week was …
• 5 ways my life is awesome …

You can download the Self-Esteem Journal worksheet with all the table prompts.

2. Making it Happen Worksheet

This worksheet breaks down different situations and asks the participant to respond with an example of negative self-talk versus an example of positive self-talk. For example:

The worksheet has a list of pre-filled situations for participants to respond to, as well as space for writing in new situations that might be more specific and relevant to the individual or group that the worksheet is used with.

You can download this worksheet, together with the next three, from the Australian Government Department of Education Skills and Employment (DESE) website .

3. Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained Worksheet

This worksheet focuses more on the idea that when we use too much negative self-talk, we actually hold ourselves back from reaching for and achieving our goals. It can also prevent us from trying new things and allowing ourselves to undertake the activities we think we might enjoy.

Here’s what the worksheet includes:

First, there is a set of warm-up statements to get participants thinking about what the ‘worst-case scenario’ might be if they tried something new. These include things like:

• Learning pottery
• Reading out loud
• Trying a new hairstyle
• Introducing yourself to a new person

It then asks participants to reflect on what the best-case scenario could be if they tried this situation (which ultimately creates a new positive self-talk phrase).

The worksheet then includes some space for participants to write out their own individual scenarios or situations they may have been avoiding due to self-talk, and to repeat the worst-case versus best case thinking.

See page three of the PDF to view the worksheet.

4. The Inner Voice

This handout provides a simple explanation as to how our inner voice dictates much of our success and ability to learn.

In particular, by programming our inner voice to speak to us positively, we can become more effective at mastering our environments and weathering storms that may arise as we go about our day-to-day lives.

Better yet, by shaping our inner voice into our ally, we can get one step closer to becoming an ideal version of ourselves.

See page five of the PDF to view the worksheet.

5. Being a ‘Yes’ Person

This worksheet illustrates the difference between various forms of self-talk as it dictates our intentions to take action.

For instance, in a situation where a person has a task to complete, their inner self-talk may take one of three forms:

By practicing saying ‘yes’ more often and being open to new possibilities, we can see problems as learning opportunities, retrain our minds, and program our inner voices for better living.

See page six of the PDF to view the worksheet.

While positive self-talk has definitely been linked to greater self-esteem, confidence, and resilience, research has yet to find a concrete link between positive self-talk and positive outcomes.

In their review of the research, Todd, Oliver, and Harvey (2011) found that positive self-talk has another component to it – motivational self-talk. This type of self-talk focuses more on preparing oneself to tackle challenges, and was commonly cited as a form of self-talk for athletes before a game or event.

Although they did find from their review that positive self-talk does help to inspire positive cognitive and behavioral changes, they couldn’t find any concrete evidence that negative self-talk led to negative outcomes too. So, it seems positive self-talk is definitely beneficial, but consistency and motivation could also be two key components for positive outcomes.

3 Books Worth reading

If after finishing this article you feel inspired to pursue some more resources and literature, I’ve listed some of the best books and videos I’ve found to help you on your way:

1. It’s The Way You Say It – Carol Fleming

This book recognizes the importance of what you say for your own personal ideas about yourself, and for influencing those around us. The trouble is, most people aren’t aware of how they say things and how to change this.

Described as a ‘nuts and bolts’ guide to becoming more aware of your communication – for the self and others – this is a great book for exploring the concepts of self-talk.

Available from Amazon .

2. What to Say When You Talk to Your Self – Shad Helmstetter

This internationally popular book will help you further explore how what you say to yourself matters, and how deeply it impacts your behavior.

Helmstetter breaks down what he refers to as the Five Levels of Self-Talk (Negative Acceptance, Recognition and Need to Change, Decision to Change, The Better You and Universal Affirmation) and guides you through how to work through them for profound changes in your life.

3. Become Your #1 Fan: How to Silence Your Inner Critic and Live the Life of Your Dreams – Kathryn Orford

This book promises to be the ultimate guide in helping you combat your inner critic and repetitive self-talk, and how to use positive self-talk to aid you in achieving the life you really want.

It includes a selection of tools and exercises to help you do this.

Brené Brown is a leader in this field, and we share video from her as well as two other important TED talks.

Brené Brown – Listening to shame

Guy Winch – Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid

Michael Shermer – The Pattern Behind Self-Deception

Loving or hating the life you are living is solely all in your repeated self-talk.

Edward Mbiaka

Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don’t allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you.

Beverly Engel

Positive self-talk is to emotional pain as pain pill is to physical pain.

Edmond Mbiaka

The way you choose to think and speak about yourself (to yourself and others), IS A CHOICE! You may have spent your whole life talking about yourself in a negative way, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue that path.

Miya Yamanouchi

Watch what you tell yourself, you’re likely to believe it.

If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.

Vincent Van Gogh

Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.

Brene Brown

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.

Be careful what you say about yourself because someone very important is listening. YOU.

John Assaraf

The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better his world will be, and the better the world at large.

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

Help your clients develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with themselves using these 17 Self-Compassion Exercises [PDF] that promote self-care and self-compassion.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about the importance and benefits of positive self-talk as much as I’ve enjoyed researching it.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article, it’s empathy and understanding that switching from pervasive negative self-talk to positive self-talk takes time. You might need to spend weeks or months working consistently and mindfully to correct the negative ways you think about yourself – and that’s totally fine.

Keep in mind all the positives that switching your thinking can bring, and keep that as your goal.

We hope you found this article interesting. Don’t forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free .

• Assad, K, Donnellan, M. B., and Conger, R. D. (2012). Optimism: an enduring resource for romantic relationships. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17645400
• Cherry, K. (2018). The Life, Work, and Theories of Sigmund Freud. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/sigmund-freud-his-life-work-and-theories-2795860
• Chopra, K. (2012). Impact of positive self-talk. Retrieved from: https://opus.uleth.ca/handle/10133/3202
• Conroy, D. E. and Metzler, J. N. (2004). Patterns of Self-Talk Associated with Different Forms of Competitive Anxiety. Retrieved from: https://journals.humankinetics.com/view/journals/jsep/26/1/article-p69.xml
• Iwanaga, M., Yokoyama, H., and Seiwa, H. (2004). Coping availability and stress reduction for optimistic and pessimistic individuals. Retrieved from: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886903000473
• Jantz, G. L. (2016). The Power of Positive Self-Talk. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-relationships/201605/the-power-positive-self-talk
• Kendall, P. C., and Treadwell, K. R. (2007). The role of self-statements as a mediator in treatment for youth with anxiety disorders. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17563155
• Keizer, A., Smeets, M. A.M., and Dijkerman, H. C. (2013). Too Fat to Fit Through the Door: First Evidence for Disturbed Body-Scaled Action in Anorexia Nervosaduring Locomotion. PLoS One. 2013.
• Leung, P. W., and Poon, M. W. (2001). Dysfunctional schemas and cognitive distortions in psychopathology: a test of the specificity hypothesis. Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11583248
• Lyubormisky, S. (2008). How Much Confidence and Optimism Is Good For World Leaders and How Much Is Too Much? Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-happiness/200806/how-much-confidence-and-optimism-is-good-world-leaders-and-how-much-is-too
• Owens, G. P., and Chard, K. M. (2001). Cognitive distortions among women reporting childhood sexual abuse. Retrieved from: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2001-14164-006
• Tod, D., Oliver, E. J., and Hardy, J. (2011). Effects of Self Talk: A systematic review. Retrieved from: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/51704153_Effects_of_Self-Talk_A_Systematic_Review
• Wrisberg, C.A. (1993). Levels of performance skill. In R.N. Singer, M. Murphy, & L.K. Tennant (Eds.), Handbook of research on sports psychology (pp. 61–71) . New York: Macmillan.

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What our readers think.

This is really good!! I love how thorough this is!! Thank you for your great work! <33

Really great stuff! however, when trying to download the #1 and #3 full worksheet pdfs, the links were broken.

Thank you for bringing this to our attention! We’ve now found a replacement link that features both of these worksheets, as well as two more. You can access a PDF containing them all here .

Hope this helps!

– Nicole | Community Manager

None of the links work, still. 🙁

Hi Victoria,

Thanks for pointing this out! Really sorry for the hassle. I’ve just let our team know about the issue, and they’re on it. We’ll have it sorted out as quickly as we can. 🙂

Warm regards, Julia | Community Manager

Thank you for posting this article with very useful information. I was wondering whether the activities are evidence based? Do you have references to the research articles?

Thanks in advance!

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What is positive self-talk?

Positive self-talk is an internal dialogue that makes a person feel good about themselves. A person can use positive self-talk to think optimistically and feel motivated. Identifying negative self-talk is the first step toward thinking more positively.

A person’s communication with themselves is called self-talk or internal dialogue. It is a natural cognitive process. People might engage in self-talk more when they face obstacles or challenges. People use self-talk either silently or speak to themselves out loud.

Self-talk can be positive or negative.

This article discusses positive self-talk and its benefits. It also provides examples of how people can break the habit of negative self-talk.

Positive self-talk makes a person feel good about themselves. It can encourage and motivate a person to keep going, look on the “bright side,” and put things into perspective. Examples of positive self-talk are, “I am really happy for myself,” “I am doing well,” or “That is not great, but it could be worse”.

Read about whether talking to yourself is normal here.

What are the benefits of positive self-talk?

Positive self-talk can benefit mental health, performance, and relationships.

For example, a 2020 Iranian study suggested that self-talk affected how people coped with anxiety during the COVID-19 pandemic. People who reported using positive self-talk had less anxiety about death and fewer symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) .

The study also found that people who engaged in positive self-talk developed effective strategies to cope with their emotions and mental stress.

A 2019 study found that when students recited a self-affirming statement before delivering a speech or presentation, they experienced less performance anxiety than students who did not.

For athletes and individuals who participate in sport, positive self-talk may be motivating and help improve technical performance. 2020 research found that positive self-talk can also help athletes stay engaged and have fun.

Research indicates that how people address themselves during self-talk affects how they feel. For example, according to a 2014 review , using non-first-person pronouns — such as ‘you’ and one’s name, rather than first-person pronouns such as ‘I’ — helps people regulate their thoughts, feelings, and behavior under social stress.

A 2019 study backs this theory, indicating that using second-person pronouns in positive self-talk improved the performance times and output in endurance sports settings.

What impact does negative self-talk have?

People may engage in negative self-talk if they feel anxious or insecure or when they are in a situation where they lack confidence or self-belief.

Negative self-talk can have a detrimental effect on a person’s self-esteem and belief in their self-worth and abilities. The College of Cognitive Behavioural Therapies (CCBT) suggests that negative self-talk can lead to a vicious cycle and self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, if a person tells themselves that they will not be able to do something, they may be less likely to put effort into doing it. Then when they fail, the person might think, “I knew I could not do it. That is typical.”

Individuals can use positive self-talk to counteract repetitive negative thinking (RNT). Research from 2018 suggests that RNT is a risk factor for the severity, persistence, and relapse of depression and anxiety .

How to make self-talk more positive and less negative

Noticing negative self-talk and turning it around before it takes hold can help people think more positively and change their behaviors. The CCBT suggests that positive or negative self-talk becomes a habit that people can change.

The first step in making self-talk more positive is to identify negative thinking. A person can notice how they talk with themselves when faced with challenges. It may help to write down examples of negative self-talk.

A person can then think of more helpful things they can say to themselves in challenging situations. Below are some examples of how to turn negative self-talk into positives:

When to seek help

If negative self-talk affects a person’s mental health, they should speak with a doctor. Negative self-talk and repetitive thoughts could be signs of an underlying condition such as anxiety, depression, or OCD.

A doctor may advise a person about support groups or health professionals who can help them address their self-talk.

For someone who occasionally has negative thought patterns or self-talk, making lifestyle changes may help. For example, research indicates that exercise can help to reduce anxiety. Activities such as mindfulness or meditation may help a person feel more positive and relaxed.

Self-talk is the internal dialogue a person has with themselves and is a natural cognitive process.

Positive self-talk can help a person feel encouraged, motivated, and optimistic. It can be used as a coping strategy when a person faces challenges.

People can use positive affirmations and self-talk to overcome negative thinking and improve their confidence and self-esteem.

However, if an individual experiences repetitive negative thoughts or self-talk, they should contact a doctor, as they may have an underlying mental health condition.

Last medically reviewed on March 18, 2022

• Psychology / Psychiatry

How we reviewed this article:

• Damirichi, E. S., et al . (2020). The role of self-talk in predicting death anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and coping strategies in the face of coronavirus disease (COVID-19). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7603592
• Hardy, J., et al. (2019). To me, to you: How you say things matters for endurance performance [Abstract]. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31135272
• Internal dialogue and self-talk. (n.d.). https://www.cbttherapies.org.uk/2014/07/28/internal-dialogue-self-talk
• Kandola, A., et al . (2020). Exercise and anxiety [Abstract]. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32342469
• Kross, E., et al . (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24467424
• Oleś, P. K., et al. (2020). Types of inner dialogues and functions of self-talk: Comparisons and implications. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7067977
• Park, S-H., et al . (2020). The effects of self-talk on shooting athletes’ motivation. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7429435
• Shadinger, D., et al. (2019). The impact of a positive, self-talk statement on public speaking anxiety [Abstract]. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/87567555.2019.1680522
• Spinhoven, P., et al. (2018). Repetitive negative thinking as a predictor of depression and anxiety: A longitudinal cohort study [Abstract]. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032718305032?via%3Dihub

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What Is Positive Self-Talk?

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

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Positive Self-Talk vs. Negative Self-Talk

Benefits of positive self-talk, how to switch to positive self-talk.

• Replace Negative Statements

Positive self-talk involves having an inner dialogue that is primarily optimistic and positive. These thoughts and statements are the ones that build you up, increase your motivation, and make you feel good about yourself and your abilities.

How you talk to and about yourself can have a major impact on many areas of your life. Self-talk refers to the way your inner voice makes sense of the world around you and the way you. How you communicate with your inner self can affect everything from your self-esteem to your motivation to your relationships.

At a Glance

Positive self-talk can give you that extra boost that helps you feel happy, fulfilled, and good about yourself and your life. It can also help combat feelings of anxiety and depression, which is why it's important to switch negative self-talk to an inner dialogue that is more helpful and positive. Identifying your thoughts and making a conscious effort to change them can be a great place to start.

You can get a better idea of what we mean by positive self-talk by contrasting it with its polar opposite: negative self-talk. Where positive self-talk is kind, encouraging, and supportive (kind of how you would talk to a good friend or loved one), negative self-talk can be caustic, unhelpful, and even cruel.

"I made a mistake."

"This is hard, but I'll keep trying."

"I'm still figuring things out."

"I can keep learning and get better."

"I know I can succeed."

"I'm able to grow and change."

"I'm an idiot."

"I'll never get it right; I give up."

"I never do anything right."

"I'm terrible at this."

"I'm not good enough."

"I'll never change."

Signs of Negative Self-Talk

If your self-talk is generally negative , you may be perceiving events in your life as more stressful than they need to be and creating unnecessary anxiety and stress for yourself. For example:

• You may be attributing negative motivations to well-meaning people.
• Or you might perceive yourself as less equipped to handle the challenges you face. This explains why you might be seeing only more negatives than positives in what you are facing in life.
• You may also succumb to rumination , a pattern of negative thinking that can unnecessarily consume your idle time and bring stress from the past into the present without leading to any resolution.

Patterns of negative or positive self-talk often start in childhood. Usually, the self-talk habit is one that’s colored our thinking for years and can affect us in many ways , influencing the experience of stress in our lives. However, any time can be a good time to change it.

Positive self-talk can improve your resilience, mental well-being, and motivation. Some of the benefits of this type of uplifting self-talk include:

• Better cognitive performance
• Lower anxiety
• Reduced depression
• Improved motivation

Try "You" Instead of "I"

Research suggests that using "you" or even your own first name in your positive self-talk can help maximize the benefits. So instead of thinking, "I can do it," try staying to yourself, "You can do it."

If you frequently engage in negative self-talk, there are things that you can do to start switching to more positive self-talk. If these techniques don't work for you, consider seeing a therapist. They can utilize cognitive behavioral therapy to help you develop strategies to challenge negative thoughts and cognitive distortions.

Notice Your Patterns

The first step toward change is to become more aware of the problem. You probably don’t realize how often you say negative things in your head or how much it affects your experience. Once you become more aware of your patterns, you can start making a conscious choice to shift your internal dialogue to be more positive, optimistic, or neutral.

Write in a Journal

Journaling can be a helpful tool for shifting your thoughts to be more positive. You might try:

• Carry a journal around with you and jot down negative comments when you think them
• Write a general summary of your thoughts at the end of the day
• Write about your feelings on a specific topic

Once you collected some thoughts, you can later go back to analyze the contents of your journal. Journaling can be an effective tool for examining your inner process and spotting harmful patterns.

Thought-Stopping

As you notice yourself saying something negative in your mind, you can stop your thought mid-stream by saying to yourself, "Stop." Saying this aloud will be more powerful.

Plus, having to say it aloud will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts.

Replace Negative Statements  With Positive Self-Talk

A good way to stop a bad habit is to replace it with something better. Once you’re aware of your internal dialogue, here are some ways to change it:  

Milder Wording

Have you ever been to a hospital and noticed how the nurses talk about ‘discomfort’ instead of ‘pain’? This is generally done because ‘pain’ is a much more powerful word, and discussing your ‘pain’ level can actually make your experience of it more intense than if you’re discussing your ‘discomfort’ level.

You can try this strategy in your daily life. In your self-talk, turning more powerful negative words to more neutral ones can actually help neutralize your experience.

Instead of using words like ‘hate’ and ‘angry’ (as in, “I hate traffic! It makes me so angry !”), you can use words like ‘don’t like’ and ‘annoyed’ (“I don’t like traffic; it makes me annoyed,” sounds much milder, doesn’t it?)

Negative to Neutral or Positive

As you find yourself mentally complaining about something, rethink your assumptions.   Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn’t, necessarily?

For example, having your plans canceled at the last minute can be seen as a negative, but what you do with your newly-freed schedule can be what you make of it. The next time you find yourself stressing about something or deciding you’re not up to a challenge, stop and rethink, and see if you can come up with a neutral or positive replacement.

Self-Limiting Statements to Questions

Self-limiting statements like “I can’t handle this!” or “This is impossible!” are particularly damaging because they increase your stress in a given situation and they stop you from searching for solutions.

The next time you find yourself thinking something that limits the possibilities of a given situation, turn it into a question.

Doesn’t " How can I handle this?" or " How is this possible?" sound more hopeful and open up your imagination to new possibilities? You can also help yourself develop more positive self-talk by bringing more positive energy into your life. Surround yourself with positivity so your mind remains more optimistic and positive.

What This Means For You

If you tend to be down on yourself, switching to positive self-talk really can do wonders for boosting your mood and motivation. Take notice whenever you engage in negative self-talk, and then work to replace those thoughts with positive ones. It takes time and effort, but the results are well worth it.

If you struggle to use positive self-talk, consider talking to a mental health professional. They can use techniques like cognitive reframing or cognitive restructuring to help change how you speak to yourself.

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares an effective way to help you curb negative thinking.

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NIH News in Health. Positive emotions and your health: Developing a brighter outlook .

Tod D, Hardy J, Oliver E. Effects of self-talk: a systematic review . J Sport Exerc Psychol . 2011;33(5):666-87. doi:10.1123/jsep.33.5.666

5 Things You Should Know About Stress . National Institute of Mental Health.

Rood L, Roelofs J, Bögels SM, Alloy LB. Dimensions of Negative Thinking and the Relations with Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety in Children and Adolescents . Cognit Ther Res . 2010;34(4):333-342. doi:10.1007/s10608-009-9261-y

Sadri Damirchi E, Mojarrad A, Pireinaladin S, Grjibovski AM. The role of self-talk in predicting death anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and coping strategies in the face of coronavirus disease (COVID-19) .  Iran J Psychiatry . 2020;15(3):182-188. doi:10.18502/ijps.v15i3.3810

Park SH, Lim BS, Lim ST. The effects of self-talk on shooting athletes' motivation .  J Sports Sci Med . 2020;19(3):517-521. Published 2020 Aug 13.

Kross E, Bruehlman-Senecal E, Park J, et al. Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: how you do it matters .  J Pers Soc Psychol . 2014;106(2):304-324. doi:10.1037/a0035173

Eagleson C, Hayes S, Mathews A, Perman G, Hirsch CR. The power of positive thinking: Pathological worry is reduced by thought replacement in Generalized Anxiety Disorder . Behav Res Ther . 2016;78:13-8. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2015.12.017

Smyth JM, Johnson JA, Auer BJ, Lehman E, Talamo G, Sciamanna CN. Online positive affect journaling in the improvement of mental distress and well-being in general medical patients with elevated anxiety symptoms: A preliminary randomized controlled trial .  JMIR Ment Health . 2018;5(4):e11290. doi:10.2196/11290

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

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Stop being so mean to yourself. Here are 5 tips to help you break the cycle

Keisha "TK" Dutes

Andee Tagle

Everybody has those inner gremlins talking to them, bringing up the worst thoughts, second-guessing their instincts and being generally unkind.

Where exactly do those critical voices come from? And why are they so mean ? If you're reading this, you probably know what I (TK) am talking about — it's negative self-talk, and no one is exempt from it.

So we talked to one of my faves, Joy Harden Bradford , Ph.D. (more commonly known as Dr. Joy), an Atlanta-based clinical psychologist and the host and founder of Therapy for Black Girls , about a few ways to quiet those voices down.

Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist, speaker, author and the host and founder of the podcast Therapy for Black Girls . Carol Lee Rose, Colurwrk hide caption

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend

A lot of our negative self-talk comes from messages we've heard out in the world and internalized — maybe from a hypercritical caregiver, a school bully or the media.

When we beat ourselves up over mistakes, disparage our own appearance or talk ourselves out of great ideas, we're not giving ourselves the grace and care that we would give others. Try practicing some self-compassion and replacing that negative inner voice with a kinder one.

Hitting A Pandemic Wall? An Illustrated Guide To Showing Up For Yourself

"We're talking about using the same kind and gentle language and approaches that we do with the other people we love in our lives with ourselves," says Dr. Joy. "Because we're also people that we hopefully love, right?"

When you realize you're talking down to yourself, ask, "Would I say this to my best friend?" Then remind yourself of who you really are. As a best friend to myself, I try to remember that we all make mistakes, no one is looking at my zit and I am a delight to be around!

Monitor and collect evidence

Before you can shut down that mean little voice, you have to be aware of how it operates. "We want to monitor and keep a log of what kind of negative self-talk we're having," says Dr. Joy. Pick a half day, notice those negative thought patterns and write them down.

Then, you gotta gather receipts. Once you notice that you're telling yourself not-so-nice stories, collect evidence on whether those things that you're telling yourself are actually true.

How To Start Therapy

Dr. Joy walks us through an example. Say your negative self-talk is, "I never accomplish anything." Ask yourself: "What evidence do I have to support that? Have you never accomplished anything , or did you get a promotion last year? Did you get yourself out of bed on time this morning?"

Write that evidence down. "There's something about physically writing something down that allows you to kind of see, 'OK, this isn't actually true, right?' " says Dr. Joy. Once you've subverted the case of the gremlins ...

Find affirmations that fit

Coming out of a negative self-talk episode can be hard. Our lack of self-worth in the moment won't allow us to believe the affirmations from people around us or ourselves. Positive self-talk is a crucial step in changing our patterns, but telling ourselves that we are the bee's knees might be too grandiose at the moment.

It's OK to tone down your affirmations so they feel authentic to you. "What we're wanting is something that you actually feel like you can grow into. So 'I commit to loving myself a little bit more each day,' or 'I commit to doing my best each day,' or 'I'm better than I was.' "

Spend less time on social media

Studies show that people around the world spend three hours (and climbing!) a day on social media. I'm definitely guilty of losing 30 minutes here and there swiping through all my feeds. Inevitably, I end up on what I call "Therapy IG," where all the free mental health advice lives. It can feel uplifting at first, but sometimes it makes me second-guess myself, and I have to ask, when is all that input too much input?

Glued To Your Phone? Here's How To Rethink Your Relationship With Social Media

Dr. Joy agrees that lots of therapists are offering great insights and resources, but she also says all that info can be overwhelming . "When you're already somebody who is struggling with negative self-talk ... the last thing that you need is a bunch of social media accounts telling you you're doing it wrong."

She suggests auditing how much time you spend on social media and being cognizant of what kind of information you're consuming.

"Even if it is helpful, it's just not good to constantly be in a place of looking at all the things you could be doing better, as opposed to like, 'I'm good enough as I am, even if there are some things that I want to work on.' "

Don't think less of yourself — think of yourself less

One obvious (but difficult ) way to stop being so hard on yourself is to just stop thinking about yourself so much. "Something that a lot of times happens with depression and anxiety is that we feel like people are paying way more attention to us than they actually are," says Dr. Joy.

If you feel stuck obsessing over all your supposedly horrible failings (Dr. Joy calls that perseverating), she says doing something with your hands can help take you out of that space. Gardening, knitting, a coloring book, Play-Doh — you get the idea.

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Or, try getting outside and observing the world around you. "If you feel comfortable taking your shoes off and putting your feet on the ground, or if you're near water, being able to hear waves or hear the waterfall — anything that you can do that really connects you to the fact that there's something bigger than us," says Dr. Joy, "can be a really helpful way to kind of just shift your perspective a little bit so that you're not so focused on yourself."

A quick recap

The key to rejecting negative self-talk lies in how we practice affirmation. Surround yourself with positive influences; reinforce them with reminders like sticky notes or voice notes reminding yourself of all your accomplishments and goals. Try limiting your time on social media, or at least scroll over to the puppies and kittens side of TikTok. Take stock of how amazing you are growing to be every day, and never let yourself tell you otherwise.

The podcast portion of this story was produced by Andee Tagle.

We'd love to hear from you. If you have a good life hack, leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at [email protected] . Your tip could appear in an upcoming episode.

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5 Ways to Use Positive Self-Talk to Psych Yourself Up

Positive self-talk could help you regulate emotions and boost your performance..

Posted March 25, 2021 | Reviewed by Matt Huston

• Find counselling near me
• Positive self-talk involves talking to yourself (internally or out loud) in an encouraging way. 
• Research suggests that positive self-talk can aid athletes' performance.
• Non-athletes can benefit from encouraging self-talk, too.

When you’re on the spot, be it during a job interview, a big presentation at work, or a midterm exam, how do you respond? Do you start to sweat and shake? Do you have trouble forming sentences? Or are you cool as a cucumber, poised and ready to take action?

Our thoughts have a lot to do with how we respond to high-stakes moments. To up your performance game, we can turn to the sports psychology field for some much-needed coaching .

What Does Science Say About Positive Self-Talk?

I’ve always admired athletes for their total focus and ability to perform under pressure. When Joel Embiid makes his game-deciding free throw, I imagine time slows down and everything extraneous is filtered out. But I also wonder—is there anything else going through his head in that moment? Does he say anything to himself to make the golden shot happen?

There’s a good chance something is going through his head and that it’s positive self-talk—an athlete’s secret weapon . A 2020 study of three 800-meter runners found evidence that using self-talk made them run faster and feel mentally tougher . Their performances spoke for themselves, even if the athletes didn’t think their speed had changed in the moment.

How to Make Positive Self-Talk Work for You

Positive self-talk is exactly what it sounds like—you literally talk to yourself in a motivating, encouraging, and confidence -boosting way. You might even add some coaching instructions. (Think Muhammad Ali and “Float like a butterfly; sting like a bee!”)

This isn’t to say that only athletes can participate in and benefit from positive self-talk. You can try this method for yourself next time you’re about to give a performance. Here’s how to put positive self-talk to work for you.

1. Start early. Positive effects may be especially strong when you’re a novice.

Gigi Fernandez is a retired and celebrated tennis player with 17 Grand Slam doubles titles and two Olympic Gold Medals. Earlier in her career , she and her coach came up with computerized self-talk exercises to help her redirect her negative self-talk. This helped her to stay focused and relaxed on the court.

But you don’t need to be a Tennis Hall of Famer to use this performance booster. In fact, a review of a few dozen self-talk sports studies found that this method was more consistently effective for novice and youth athletes than for competition -level athletes.

2. When the task is simple, keep the self-talk simple: Just tell yourself you can do it.

Don’t worry, your motivational self-talk doesn’t have to be as inspiring as the speech Coach Gary Gaines (played by Billy Bob Thorton) gives to the Permian Panthers in the 2004 movie Friday Night Lights .

Just keep it to the point, especially if you’re psyching yourself up for a straightforward action with lots of muscle memory behind it, like striking a soccer ball or sprinting the 100-meter dash. You just have to hype yourself up a bit. In fact, one of the original self-talk experiments simply told people to tell themselves either “you can do it” or “you can’t do it” before throwing darts. You can guess which type of self-talk helped them put the darts closer to the bullseye!

Why do these actions work? One potential explanation is that simple, motivational self-talk phrases can slightly increase your heart rate , but otherwise reduce sudden changes in your heart rate. This may help prepare your body for performance while keeping you steady.

3. When the task is complex or new, talk yourself through what to do.

If the task at hand is a bit more complicated or involves something you’ve never done before, a simple “you can do it” might not cut it. Talking yourself through the steps as if you were filming an instructional video can help prime you for what’s to come.

In one study , novice golfers who gave themselves step-by-step self-talk ended up doing better on a measure of putting technique compared to those who used motivational self‐talk (though there were no statistically significant differences in putting performance). This could be due to their instructional self-talk cueing up a brain activity pattern associated with top-down control, which you need when learning something outside of your wheelhouse or doing something complicated.

4. Don’t just wait for your inner voice to start talking—do it actively.

NFL players have been caught using self-talk on the field—and you’ll notice that they do it deliberately. They don’t just react when something goes according to plan or gets messed up. Instead, they seem to be giving themselves pep talks while warming up, on the bench, or when they’re about to start a new half.

There’s a good reason for this. In stressful situations, like when something makes them nervous or aggravated, athletes’ spontaneous self-talk is often negative. On the other hand, if they’re not waiting for their own automatic reactions, but rather proactively using self-talk, the message tends to be more positive and motivating .

Adapt this thinking to your own situation. Don’t wait for your inner voice to come up with encouragement. Feed it to yourself before your big moment.

5. Talk to yourself in the third person for better emotion regulation .

At first, you might feel silly doing it, but psychological science supports this practice!

A brain imaging study suggests that when you think about a bad memory or see something aversive, talking to yourself in the third person activates brain areas involved in self-control less than if you talk in the first person. You may need to use less self-control to regulate emotions when you say, “Hey [insert your name here], it’s okay. You’ve got this,” compared to, “I’ve got this.”

Third-person self-talk creates a slight illusion that you’re talking to someone else, which provides enough psychological distance to make emotion regulation easier. And when it comes to emotion regulation in high-stakes situations , any help we can get is a good thing.

Medical Disclaimer: All content here is for informational purposes only. This content does not replace the professional judgment of your own mental health provider. Please consult a licensed mental health professional for all individual questions and issues.

A version of this post also appears on Quick and Dirty Tips .

LinkedIn image: Dean Drobot/Shutterstock

Jade Wu, Ph.D., is a clinical health psychologist and host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast. She specializes in helping those with sleep problems and anxiety disorders.

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What is self-talk?

Self-talk is the way you talk to yourself, or your inner voice. You might not be aware that you're doing it, but you almost certainly are. This inner voice combines conscious thoughts with inbuilt beliefs and biases to create an internal monologue throughout the day.

Self-talk is important because it has a big impact on how you feel and what you do. It can be supportive and beneficial, motivating you, or it can be negative, undermining your confidence.

What is negative self-talk?

Negative self-talk is when your inner voice is excessively negative, sounding more like an inner critic. It is pessimistic and focusses on the bad. It erodes your confidence and stops you from reaching your potential. It can make you feel like you are going to fail before you start.

It can sound like “I’m never going to be able to do this”, “I’m no good at this”, or “I’ve tried everything — nothing works”.

Negative self-talk can be repetitive and often does not reflect reality. It can lead to rumination, which is repetitive with intrusive negative thoughts.

How can self-talk affect your mental health?

Your self-talk can affect your mental health and your relationships with others.

If you mainly think negatively about yourself, you will feel bad most of the time. This can drag you down or if you’re down, it can be hard to get back up. Negative self-talk is often experienced by people who have depression or anxiety. The constant negative chatter can be overwhelming and difficult to break out of.

Negative self-talk can make it more difficult to deal with chronic pain . It can also affect a person’s sexual confidence and body image .

Negative self-talk can lead to stress and a tendency towards perfectionism.

Tips to stop negative self-talk

Negative self-talk can become repetitive and overwhelming and often feels like it’s true. To break out of that cycle try these tips:

• Be aware of what you’re saying to yourself . Just the act of stopping and recognising negative thoughts for what they are, is the first step to working through the problem. Ask yourself, would you talk like this to someone else?
• Challenge your thoughts . Ask yourself — is it true? (often it’s not). Ask yourself if there’s another explanation or way of looking at a situation. Remember that many things you worry about don’t happen. Much negative self-talk is exaggerated.
• Put your thoughts into perspective (so what?). Try and look at things from a different perspective. Perhaps from a different person’s perspective. Try writing your thoughts down or saying them out loud. Ask yourself will this matter in a few year’s time?
• Stop the thought . You can do this ‘thought stopping’ technique visually — by imagining the thought being stopped or squashed etc — or by having a little ritual.
• Replace the thought with a neutral or positive thought . Ask yourself — what is a more helpful thought?

It can take some time to recognise your negative thoughts — remember they have been part of you for a long time and it can take up to 3 months to change old habits. Over time though you can replace the unhealthy negative thoughts with more positive ones. Practice makes it easier.

What are the benefits of positive self-talk?

If you mainly think positively about yourself, you will feel good and optimistic most of the time. Research shows that positive self-talk can:

• improve self-esteem , stress management and wellbeing
• reduce any symptoms of depression , anxiety and personality disorders
• improve your body image and can help treat people with eating disorders
• reduce your risk of self-harm and suicide
• make you feel more in control of your life
• help with chronic pain
• motivate you to overcome obstacles
• help to calm you

Tips to improve positive self-talk

Practise thinking good things about yourself. Very simply, practise seeing half a glass as being half full, rather than half empty.

Identify your strengths as part of your self-talk, and accept compliments for what you achieved. A helpful way to improve positive self-talk is to look, think and act in a positive way. Surround yourself with positive and optimistic people.

Try to turn negative talk into neutral or positive self-talk.

Resources and support

If you find negative self-talk overwhelming, talk to your doctor about it. They may also give you a referral to a mental health professional who can work with you. You may be eligible for a mental health care plan .

There are also number of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) programs that may help. For more information contact:

• ReachOut — online resources to help with self-talk and self-confidence
• SANE Australia (people living with a mental illness) — call 1800 18 7263
• Beyond Blue (anyone feeling depressed or anxious) — call 1300 22 4636 or chat online
• Black Dog Institute (people affected by mood disorders) — online help
• Lifeline (anyone having a personal crisis) — call 13 11 14 or chat online
• Suicide Call Back Service (anyone thinking about suicide) — call 1300 659 467

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Last reviewed: February 2022

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How to Use Positive Self-Talk for Successful Public Speaking

In one sense, you create your own fearful response to public speaking. That’s because, almost universally, there is never as much danger or risk as you think there is concerning a speech or presentation. But your anxiety leads you down a path with no exit, since you’re substituting your fears for more accurate measures to judge your success. And so you create a false reality that’s actually much harsher than the actual speaking situation.

You need, of course, to change such unprofitable thinking about speaking in public, to turn unhealthy thoughts into a constructive mind-set. Banish the negative self-talk that’s been undermining your achievements, and you'll be able to build a repertoire of positive coping statements to take their place. By doing so, you’ll discover how to evaluate your speaking performances more realistically, using accurate measures of your progress.

Is that a lot to accomplish? Maybe. But you’ll be able to do it. That’s because restructuring negative thinking is a key activity in overcoming speech anxiety—and no one knows as much about your own negative thoughts as you do.  (Do you know how to use body language to improve your speaking confidence ? Click on that link to find out!)

This process, of re-routing negative thinking into productive channels is called “cognitive restructuring.” For you as a presenter, it simply means going from a negative mindset to a positive one where public speaking is concerned. Another way to say this is: you’ll be changing your role from being your own worst enemy to becoming your own best friend as a speaker.  

  Are You Biased Against Yourself?

Karen:  A Case Study

Karen is a 36-year-old Senior Learning Manager for a leading computer manufacturer. She conducts in-house workshops worldwide for IT managers on the software that her company sells. She came to Public Speaking International a little less than a year ago because, she said, “I’m a horrible presenter!” Not only did she believe that she had no talent for speaking in public. She was also sure that she was broadcasting that fact to her trainees.

In Karen’s mind, it was only a matter of time before her firm’s management discovered the awful truth about her lack of skills and let her go. So she was a bundle of nerves: terrified of conducting the training workshops that were the core of her job, while to her own thinking she was “living a lie” and was constantly on the verge of being found out.

Note Karen’s response to her public speaking assignments, as described above: She believed that she had no talent for the task. She was certain everyone else realized it too. And she knew she was living a lie as a supposedly competent training professional. Clearly, Karen’s own cognitive process was a major stumbling block to her job satisfaction and feelings of self-worth! 

Naturally, Karen desperately wanted to improve what she considered inferior skills as a trainer and presenter. But as I pointed out to her, before she could get to that point, she had to change her thinking. Starting out with feelings of negative self-worth is the weakest possible position from which to build dynamic speaking skills.

 *  *  *

Let’s take Karen’s situation and apply it to the general population of people with speaking anxiety. After all, feelings like hers are common among people who believe they’re simply poor speakers.

One of the biggest challenges anxious speakers like Karen face is that they overestimate how negatively other people will judge their performance. The truth is that most audience members aren’t picking apart a presenter’s speaking skills. Instead, they’re looking for something positive from the experience—for they want to know that attending this meeting or lecture is worth their time. In this sense, audiences actually have little interest in the speaker. They’re much more focused on the message and the information being given. While that may seem a little rough in terms of your reception from an audience, it’s actually good news since you’re not under as harsh a spotlight as you may have imagined!

But if you’re speech phobic, you aren’t aware of this, because you’re too busy monitoring what you consider to be your own poor performance. You’re biased against yourself! You may, in fact, be doing quite well. But you spoil your success by creating “a negative reality.” Then you reinforce your belief that you’ll do badly through self-criticism . . . even if you’ve actually succeeded with your goal for the speech! You might even say that you’re determined to be miserable despite your success.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If it does, you need to make the commitment not to indulge in self-talk like this that’s clearly counter-productive to successful speeches and presentations.

Key takeaways from this blog:

• We create our own fearful, non-realistic response to public speaking.
• You can turn unhealthy thoughts into a positive mind-set.
• A positive outlook can help you judge your performance accurately.
• You can actually be biased against yourself and undermine your success.
• Make a commitment not to indulge in self-talk that's counter-productive.

Tags: positive thinking , effective presentations , positive self-talk

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THE POWER OF: POSITIVE SELF-TALK

Jan 03, 2020

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THE POWER OF: POSITIVE SELF-TALK. We aren’t born with self-esteem, so that means we can change it ! (if it’s low). Optional: Take the &quot;Self-Esteem&quot; Survey. The #1 best way to improve self-esteem and stay strong against “mean” people is: positive self-talk :).

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Presentation Transcript

We aren’t born with self-esteem, so that means we can change it ! (if it’s low) Optional: Take the "Self-Esteem" Survey

The #1 best way to improve self-esteem and stay strong against “mean” people is: positive self-talk :)

WHEN IT COMES TO THOUGHTS, YOU HAVE A LOT OF MIND CONTROL!! YOUR BODY LISTENS AND RESPONDS TO YOUR THOUGHTS!!!! Your mental self-talk can be: P O S I T I V E or N E G A T I V E 2 examples: 1. In Sports Psychology an athlete is taught to stay positive, to stay calm, be focused, be confident, to “see yourself as a winner,” and to “picture the ball going in the hole.” Many athletes find success with this positive thinking and imagery. 2. In relaxation therapy you imagine a place or event that is peaceful, restful, beautiful and happy. The body actually responds with lower blood pressure, lower pulse rate to calm down and relax.

Just as making positive statements to yourself helps you to build confidence, improve performance, and improve your mental skills, negative thinking damages them.

Whatever you tell yourself, your sub-conscious brain will believe as truth and it will work to make that true for you !!! For instance, if you say you aren’t a morning person your sub-conscious brain will reinforce that idea! You may feel tired, hit the “snooze bar” and spill things, etc.

Example: If you were taught as a child that all dogs will bite you, your mind will automatically raise that fear everytime you see a dog. (even though your friend tells you that their dog is friendly, your mind believes and sends the fear message! You have to re-train your brain!!!)

DO POSITIVE SELF-TALK WORKSHEET Silver lining

3 Additional Ways to Stop Negative Self-Talk: CHOOSE 1: 1. log it - keep a journal 2. picture a stop sign 3. wear a rubberband and snap yourself for each negative thought! STOP

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The self presentation theory and how to present your best self

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What does self presentation mean?

What are self presentation goals, individual differences and self presentation.

How can you make the most of the self presentation theory at work?  

We all want others to see us as confident, competent, and likeable — even if we don’t necessarily feel that way all the time. In fact, we make dozens of decisions every day — whether consciously or unconsciously — to get people to see us as we want to be seen. But is this kind of self presentation dishonest? Shouldn’t we just be ourselves?

Success requires interacting with other people. We can’t control the other side of those interactions. But we can think about how the other person might see us and make choices about what we want to convey. 

Self presentation is any behavior or action made with the intention to influence or change how other people see you. Anytime we're trying to get people to think of us a certain way, it's an act of self presentation. Generally speaking, we work to present ourselves as favorably as possible. What that means can vary depending on the situation and the other person.

Although at first glance this may seem disingenuous, we all engage in self-presentation. We want to make sure that we show up in a way that not only makes us look good, but makes us feel good about ourselves.

Early research on self presentation focused on narcissism and sociopathy, and how people might use the impression others have of them to manipulate others for their benefit. However, self presentation and manipulation are distinct. After all, managing the way others see us works for their benefit as well as ours.

Imagine, for example, a friend was complaining to you about   a tough time they were having at work . You may want to show up as a compassionate person. However, it also benefits your friend — they feel heard and able to express what is bothering them when you appear to be present, attentive, and considerate of their feelings. In this case, you’d be conscious of projecting a caring image, even if your mind was elsewhere, because you value the relationship and your friend’s experience.

To some extent, every aspect of our lives depends on successful self-presentation. We want our families to feel that we are worthy of attention and love. We present ourselves as studious and responsible to our teachers. We want to seem fun and interesting at a party, and confident at networking events. Even landing a job depends on you convincing the interviewer that you are the best person for the role.

There are three main reasons why people engage in self presentation:

Tangible or social benefits:

In order to achieve the results we want, it often requires that we behave a certain way. In other words, certain behaviors are desirable in certain situations. Matching our behavior to the circumstances can help us connect to others,   develop a sense of belonging , and attune to the needs and feelings of others.

Example:   Michelle is   a new manager . At her first leadership meeting, someone makes a joke that she doesn’t quite get. When everyone else laughs, she smiles, even though she’s not sure why.

By laughing along with the joke, Michelle is trying to fit in and appear “in the know.” Perhaps more importantly, she avoids feeling (or at least appearing) left out, humorless, or revealing that she didn’t get it — which may hurt her confidence and how she interacts with the group in the future.

To facilitate social interaction:

As mentioned, certain circumstances and roles call for certain behaviors. Imagine a defense attorney. Do you think of them a certain way? Do you have expectations for what they do — or don’t — do? If you saw them frantically searching for their car keys, would you feel confident with them defending your case?

If the answer is no, then you have a good idea of why self presentation is critical to social functioning. We’re surprised when people don’t present themselves in a way that we feel is consistent with the demands of their role. Having an understanding of what is expected of you — whether at home, work, or in relationships — may help you succeed by inspiring confidence in others.

Example:   Christopher has always been called a “know-it-all.” He reads frequently and across a variety of topics, but gets nervous and tends to talk over people. When attending a networking event, he is uncharacteristically quiet. Even though he would love to speak up, he’s afraid of being seen as someone who “dominates” the conversation. 

Identity Construction:

It’s not enough for us to declare who we are or what we want to be — we have to take actions consistent with that identity. In many cases, we also have to get others to buy into this image of ourselves as well. Whether it’s a personality trait or a promotion, it can be said that we’re not who   we   think we are, but who others see.

Example:   Jordan is interested in moving to a client-facing role. However, in their last performance review, their manager commented that Jordan seemed “more comfortable working independently.” 

Declaring themselves a “people person” won’t make Jordan’s manager see them any differently. In order to gain their manager’s confidence, Jordan will have to show up as someone who can comfortably engage with clients and thrive in their new role.

We may also use self presentation to reinforce a desired identity for ourselves. If we want to accomplish something, make a change, or   learn a new skill , making it public is a powerful strategy. There's a reason why people who share their goals are more likely to be successful. The positive pressure can help us stay accountable to our commitments in a way that would be hard to accomplish alone.

Example:   Fatima wants to run a 5K. She’s signed up for a couple before, but her perfectionist tendencies lead her to skip race day because she feels she hasn’t trained enough. However, when her friend asks her to run a 5K with her, she shows up without a second thought.

In Fatima’s case, the positive pressure — along with the desire to serve a more important value (friendship) — makes showing up easy.

Because we spend so much time with other people (and our success largely depends on what they think of us), we all curate our appearance in one way or another. However, we don’t all desire to have people see us in the same way or to achieve the same goals. Our experiences and outcomes may vary based on a variety of factors.

One important factor is our level of self-monitoring when we interact with others. Some people are particularly concerned about creating a good impression, while others are uninterested. This can vary not only in individuals, but by circumstances.   A person may feel very confident at work , but nervous about making a good impression on a first date.

Another factor is self-consciousness — that is, how aware people are of themselves in a given circumstance. People that score high on scales of public self-consciousness are aware of how they come across socially. This tends to make it easier for them to align their behavior with the perception that they want others to have of them.

Finally, it's not enough to simply want other people to see you differently. In order to successfully change how other people perceive you, need to have three main skills: 

1. Perception and empathy

Successful self-presentation depends on being able to correctly perceive   how people are feeling , what's important to them, and which traits you need to project in order to achieve your intended outcomes.

2. Motivation

If we don’t have a compelling reason to change the perception that others have of us, we are not likely to try to change our behavior. Your desire for a particular outcome, whether it's social or material, creates a sense of urgency.

3.  A matching skill set

You’ve got to be able to walk the talk. Your actions will convince others more than anything you say. In other words, you have to provide evidence that you are the person you say you are. You may run into challenges if you're trying to portray yourself as skilled in an area where you actually lack experience.

How can you make the most of the self presentation theory at work?

At its heart, self presentation requires a high-level of self awareness and empathy. In order to make sure that we're showing up as our best in every circumstance — and with each person — we have to be aware of our own motivation as well as what would make the biggest difference to the person in front of us.

Here are 6 strategies to learn to make the most of the self-presentation theory in your career:

1. Get feedback from people around you

Ask a trusted friend or mentor to share what you can improve. Asking for feedback about specific experiences, like a recent project or presentation, will make their suggestions more relevant and easier to implement.

2. Study people who have been successful in your role

Look at how they interact with other people. How do you perceive them? Have they had to cultivate particular skills or ways of interacting with others that may not have come easily to them?

3. Be yourself

Look for areas where you naturally excel and stand out. If you feel comfortable, confident, and happy, you’ll have an easier time projecting that to others. It’s much harder to present yourself as confident when you’re uncomfortable.

4. Be aware that you may mess up

As you work to master new skills and ways of interacting with others,   keep asking for feedback . Talk to your manager, team, or a trusted friend about how you came across. If you sense that you’ve missed the mark, address it candidly. People will understand, and you’ll learn more quickly.

Try saying, “I hope that didn’t come across as _______. I want you to know that…”

5. Work with a coach

Coaches are skilled in interpersonal communication and committed to your success. Roleplay conversations to see how they land, and practice what you’ll say and do in upcoming encounters. Over time, a coach will also begin to know you well enough to notice patterns and suggest areas for improvement.

6. The identity is in the details

Don’t forget about the other aspects of your presentation. Take a moment to visualize yourself being the way that you want to be seen. Are there certain details that would make you feel more like that person? Getting organized, refreshing your wardrobe, rewriting your resume, and even cleaning your home office can all serve as powerful affirmations of your next-level self.

Self presentation is defined as the way we try to control how others see us, but it’s just as much about how we see ourselves. It is a skill to achieve a level of comfort with who we are   and   feel confident to choose how we self-present. Consciously working to make sure others get to see the very best of you is a wonderful way to develop into the person you want to be.

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Make meaningful changes and become the best version of yourself. BetterUp's professional Coaches are here to support your personal growth journey.

Allaya Cooks-Campbell

With over 15 years of content experience, Allaya Cooks Campbell has written for outlets such as ScaryMommy, HRzone, and HuffPost. She holds a B.A. in Psychology and is a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Allaya is passionate about whole-person wellness, yoga, and mental health.

Impression management: Developing your self-presentation skills

How to make a presentation interactive and exciting, 6 presentation skills and how to improve them, how to give a good presentation that captivates any audience, what is self-preservation 5 skills for achieving it, 8 clever hooks for presentations (with tips), how self-knowledge builds success: self-awareness in the workplace, developing psychological flexibility, how to not be nervous for a presentation — 13 tips that work (really), similar articles, how self-compassion strengthens resilience, what is self-efficacy definition and 7 ways to improve it, what is self-awareness and how to develop it, what i didn't know before working with a coach: the power of reflection, manage your energy, not your time: how to work smarter and faster, building resilience part 6: what is self-efficacy, why learning from failure is your key to success, stay connected with betterup, get our newsletter, event invites, plus product insights and research..

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Self Talk: The Inner Game of Success

Self Talk has also been referred to as our mind set, attitudes, internal dialogue, inner belief systems or the “automatic mind chatter” that goes on continually … while we’re awake, daydreaming, or sleeping. Self Talk has been shown to contribute to our stress management, our emotional health, our physical well-being, and our overall performance on the job.

This 1 to 2 hour presentation provides an overview of the power of your thoughts and will raise your awareness on how this internal dialogue can help you succeed if used as a positive influence.

• Definition of Self Talk  – The automatic internal dialogue we all have is positioned as capable of being controlled, borrowing from the fields of sports psychology, sales training, and brain research.
• Dynamics of Self Talk  – The powerful, automatic self-programming nature of Self Talk is illustrated. The Self Talk Cycle is described, showing how thoughts and beliefs influence emotions, leading to changes in actions, and ultimately impacting results.
• How to Change Your Self Talk  – Rick gives a simple ABCD formula for altering counterproductive attitudes: Awareness, Belief in Change, Choosing Specific Strategies, and Doing It Through Practice.
• Eight Self Talk Strategies  – Dr. Brandon shows how the stressful world of business and selling demands practical techniques that can be used real time in the field. Rick uses sales, humor, sports, and history to teach long-range strategies and a  Self Talk First Aid Kit  for in-the-moment adjustments to mental “trash talking”.

“I was impressed with the balance of motivation, education, and humor you used to deliver your message. The key is our sales organization really connected with you. I have never had so many positive comments about a self improvement and motivational speaker as I did this year from your presentation.” – Mike Wilcox, VP Quadramed

Do you have an inner monologue? Here’s what it reveals about you.

While experts disagree on how common self-talk really is, they wholeheartedly agree that it’s a valuable tool for self-discovery.

While writing this, I caught myself talking to… myself. Between clicks on the keyboard, I realized I was having an internal conversation about an encounter I'd had the night before. Why, out of the blue, would I interrupt the work I was doing to chat with myself about something that seemed so inconsequential?

If you ask that question of experts in self-talk—colloquially, "talking to ourselves" or more formally the "inner monologue"—one clinical response might be that I wasn't avoiding the task at hand. Instead, and much more intriguingly, I was possibly experiencing a close encounter with the real "me" through a deeply personal internal dialogue.

Russell Hurlburt, psychologist at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, would say that the words I used in my inner conversation might've represented a “pristine inner experience" which would take me, in that instant, to the "footlights of [my own] consciousness." I was setting the stage for self-discovery, if this had been a professional appointment.

( What is ASMR—and why do only some people feel it? )

"I think people are totally interesting. And I think people find themselves totally interesting," says Hurlburt, who describes himself as "a researcher of inner experience."

"‘A penny for your thoughts?’ is probably the most interesting question in the world," he says.

For behavioralists, inner conversations can reveal repressed emotions, good or self-deprecating, that were stirred by a phone call or triggered by an event or encounter. Like the self-admonishing, "Oh, I sounded so stupid!" Or the self-affirming, "I always feel valued when she and I work together."

It's no surprise that self-talk generates “out loud” talk on social media platforms, where people have been having their own conversations about inner monologues, wondering what exactly they are and if everyone has one.

We asked the experts about this curious natural phenomenon and why you may or may not participate in this most intimate of conversations. While our experts disagree on the frequency of self-talk, they wholeheartedly agree that the inner dialogue is a valuable tool for self-discovery.

Who talks to themselves?

There is nothing new about talking to ourselves. Hamlet did it seven times, as soliloquies, in a play written four centuries ago. Talking to ourselves is joke-worthy, but socially taboo if we're caught talking out loud.

It wasn't until the 1970s that psychologists began to seriously embrace self-talk as a field of study, inspired by the work of psychiatrist Aaron Beck, the father of CBT.

Decades later, in 2009, psychologist Thomas Brinthaupt published one of the handful of analytical tools in use today for measuring self-talk in patients. Called the Self-Talk Scale (STS), it is a 22-item questionnaire aimed at identifying the frequency of self-talk and reflecting four categories of inner chatter: social assessment, self-criticism, self-reinforcement, and self-management.

STS has been used by "tens of thousands" of people in studies worldwide, says Brinthaupt, now a self-described "personality psychologist" at Middle Tennessee State University who works with CBT researchers on finding the deeper meaning to one's mental health as revealed by their inner voice. His questionnaire offers a means for gaining data and underwriting the credibility of research on a topic as ephemeral as thought.

( 9 simple ways to boost your mental health, according to science .)

He has found that in general, children talk to themselves as part of the learning process. Introverts are more likely to be self-talkers. "Only children" (those without siblings) talk to themselves more often and into adulthood. Children with "invisible" friends also are more likely to self-talk.

And people who are suddenly alone or lonely are more apt to self-talk. Although yet to be studied, Brinthaupt surmises that people began talking to themselves more—and more often out loud—during the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic.

People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) talk to themselves in ways that mirror the condition—over and over, repeatedly. The deaf or hard of hearing who use American Sign Language have been reported using their hands to self-talk, says Brinthaupt.

It's also been determined, but not yet studied further, that people who suffer brain damage or a stroke and have difficulty speaking "report that they have lost the sense of self-talk."

So does everyone really have an inner monologue?

But experts are divided over whether the experience is limited to people in these categories—or universal.

Brinthaupt argues that self-talk is a ubiquitous activity available to us all. "We talk to ourselves in response to specific events and stimuli in the social environment or imagined events," he says, adding that some people "don't know they have the ability."

Hurlburt takes the opposing view. In 2020, blogger Ryan Langdon wrote a piece in reply to a tweet by Hurlburt on his research. Langdon titled it " Today I Learned That Not Everyone Has an Internal Monologue and It Has Ruined My Day ." It generated more than a million responses within a month, says Hurlburt, who later met and interviewed Langdon .

( Does AI creep you out? You're experiencing the "uncanny valley." )

"People believe   that they talk to themselves," says Hurlburt, and "some people do sometimes talk to themselves. But of all the samples that I've collected over 50 years of sampling, maybe something like a quarter of them involve words or talking."

Rather than words, some people "see" themselves. One of Hurlburt's most memorable patients, whom he calls Fran, didn't self-talk. She used inner-imagery to visualize what turned out to be an emotionally devastating dialogue—caught in time. Now recovered, she was replaying an inner moving picture of her own suicide, step-by-detailed-step.

The benefits—and downsides—of self-talk

Brinthaupt's categories of inner chatter reflect primary inner concerns. For example, "social assessment" self-talk ("I really shouldn't have interrupted like I did") might seem self-critical but it can also help improve social interactions. Public speakers often self-talk for "self-reinforcement" and "self-management" before hitting the mic.

An inner monologue can also be a tool: Psychologists who practice popular cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) use self-talk as a treatment to reverse negative thinking that arises from conditions like depression. To CBT practitioners, depression is reinforced with self-talk that is critical and negative—but can be weakened when we give ourselves positive and supportive messages.

Hurlburt is not so much interested in self-talk as a behavioral tool but as a direct link to the inner self, a journey of discovery that he's been on since 1971. Using a sampling method and a wearable beeper that he designed and patented, Hurlburt instructs his clients to jot down what they were thinking the moment beeper goes off, hopefully to capture a pure thought.

To Hurlbert, standard surveys and questionnaires are subjective and pollute what should be an unadulterated personal response.

"If you really want to know about what's going on within you," he says, "you have to have a method that allows access to your inner experience without disturbing it."

But if you don’t think you have an inner monologue, Hurlbert says, there’s no reason for concern. "They are not part of being human,” he says. “Some people don't process life in words and sentences."

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How to Pump Yourself Up Before a Presentation (or Calm Yourself Down)

• Nancy Duarte

Four pre-talk rituals to try.

Everyone prepares for public speaking in different ways. Some people need to amp themselves up, while others need to take a moment to breathe and calm down. To learn more about the impact of these different pre-talk rituals, the author tried out several common strategies: First, she experimented with empathy rituals, which are strategies designed to help you connect better to the people in your audience. Next, she tried exertion rituals, which reduce nervousness and anxiety. Third, she explored spiritual rituals, which can help you feel grounded and positive. Finally, she tried out mantra-based rituals, or soothing strategies of repetition and self-talk. While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, experimenting with these different methods is the best way to figure out what works for you.

Public speaking affects people in different ways. Some people get jittery and anxious before they talk; they need to spend time calming themselves down before they go onstage.

• ND Nancy Duarte is a best-selling author with thirty years of CEO-ing under her belt. She’s driven her firm, Duarte, Inc., to be the global leader behind some of the most influential messages and visuals in business and culture. Duarte, Inc., is the largest design firm in Silicon Valley, as well as one of the top woman-owned businesses in the area. Nancy has written six best-selling books, four have won awards, and her new book, DataStory: Explain Data and Inspire Action Through Story , is available now. Follow Duarte on Twitter: @nancyduarte or LinkedIn .

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