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The 25 most scathing and hilariously mean film reviews from the poison pens of movie critics

WHICH films made the list of the 25 most scathing and hilariously mean film reviews from the poison pens of movie critics?

Terrifying Mickey slasher film trailer drops

Terrifying Mickey slasher film trailer drops

Graphic pics of star after NYE hit-and-run

Graphic pics of star after NYE hit-and-run

Chappelle lashed over trans joke in Netflix hit

Chappelle lashed over trans joke in Netflix hit

FILM reviewers will tell you it’s not their glowing praise for works of cinematic brilliance that get cinema-goers excited — it’s their scathing reviews and witty put-downs that really garner the most attention.

Every reviewer, in some small way, is trying to top Dorothy Parker’s immortal line about Katharine Hepburn’s acting ability, which she said ran “the gamut of emotions from A to B”.

Scathing reviews are so popular that when Roger Ebert of Siskel and Ebert “Two Thumbs Up” fame died in 2013, the obituaries almost came second to long and reverential lists of Ebert’s greatest critical pans. This was a critic who said Freddy Got Fingered didn’t merely scrape the bottom of the barrel, it “doesn’t deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as barrels”. And his war of words with actor/director Vincent Gallo about The Brown Bunny culminated in the line: “I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny .” (Showing his strength of character, he later recanted and gave a re-edited version of the film the thumbs up.)

While our own Leigh Paatsch is thoughtful about those films that deserve it, he reliably produces witty take downs of films that don’t. Watching 47 Ronin he wrote that two questions sprang immediately to mind: “Where has Keanu Reeves been all these years? And why couldn’t he have stayed there a little longer?” And he neatly summed up Pain and Gain starring Dwayne Johnson and Mark Wahlberg as: “No gain, Mostly Pain”.

Here are some more of our all-time favourite critical put-downs.

Grace of Monaco teaser trailer

“It is a film so awe-inspiringly wooden that it is basically a fire-risk.”

Grace of Monaco , Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian.

“(Director Joe) Wright (has) this unashamed love of the proscenium but did it need to be so arch?”

Anna Karenina , Tim Robey, The Telegraph.

“I entered the theatre in the bloom of youth and emerged with a family of field mice living in my long, white moustache. (The film) is an entirely inappropriate length for what is essentially a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls.”

Sex and the City 2 , Lindy West, thestranger.com

Monky business.

“I’m not familiar with the Bulletproof Monk comic book that sparked this movie but this is because I have known the soft caress of a woman and am thus excluded from the target demographic.”

Bulletproof Monk, MrCranky.com

Charlton Heston in Ben Hur.

“Love him, hated Hur”

Ben Hur , comedian Mort Sahl.

“An explosion in a stupid factory”

A Good Day To Die Hard , Larushka Ivan-Zadeh, Metro

The Straight Story — an acquired taste.

“ Forrest Gump on a Tractor”

The Straight Story — David Cox, Film4/The Guardian

Geoffrey Rush, Keira Knightley and Johnny Depp in search of a script.

“On the IMDB trivia page it says ‘The most amazing thing about Pirates 3 is that they started filming without a completed script’. No, they finished filming without a completed script.”

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End , Mark Kermode, The Observer.

Never ask a question if you don’t want the answer.

“No.”

Isn’t It Romantic? , Leonard Maltin.

Grown Ups, allegedly.

“Perhaps the closest Hollywood has yet come to making ‘Ow! My Balls!’ seem like a plausible future project.”

Grown Ups 2 , Andrew Barker, Variety

“Oh my god! This movie is terrible”

“Director Todd Phillips delivers a film so different from the first two, I’m not even sure it’s supposed to be a comedy.”

The Hangover 3 , Richard Roeper, The Chicago Sun-Times

`Is that Steve Guttenberg on the line?’

“What can you say about a sequel that Steve Guttenberg won’t even appear in?”

Police Academy 5 , Leonard Maltin

Who stole my Oscar?

“Only — repeat only — for those who thought Police Academy 5 was robbed at Oscar time”

Police Academy 6 , Leonard Maltin

Serious asteroid faces.

“Armageddon got some astronomy right. For example, there is an asteroid in the movie, and asteroids do indeed exist.”

Armageddon , Phil Plait, the “Bad Astronomer”

Nicole Kidman, we must stop meeting this way.

“Nicole ‘does’ sexy with all the erotic charge with which one ‘does’ the washing up. I’d rather gargle battery acid than have to watch Birthday Girl again. ”

Birthday Girl , Sukhdev Sandhu, The Daily Telegraph

Hayden Christensen prepares to hide his face in shame.

“(Revenge of the Sith) marks a distinct improvement on the last two episodes, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones … but only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion.”

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith , Anthony Lane, The New Yorker

Critics aren’t cat people.

“It’s marginally better than The Cat in the Hat, though that’s like saying suffocation is mildly more amusing than drowning.”

Garfield: The Movie , Sean O’Connell, Filmcritic.com

Adrien Brody contemplates M Night Shyamalan's next move.

“M. Night Shyamalan has nothing to say, but he’s going to keep right on saying it until people make him stop.”

The Village , Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

Christine Baranski, Meryl Streep and Julie Walters, you should all have known better.

“Absolute cack: appallingly written, witlessly directed and sung as if by mice being tortured. It makes Teletubbies look like The Iliad in comparison.”

Mamma Mia! Stephen Pollard, The Spectator

Nick Nolte channels Weekend at Bernie’s with Gerard Darmon in The Good Thief

“(Nick) Nolte looks as though he died five years ago and nobody bothered to tell him, and he runs (or staggers) with the tatty grace of the walking dead.”

The Good Thief , Marc Savlov, The Austin Chronicle

“Built to make money but hardly worthy of serious examination. Avatar isn’t only critic-proof, it resists serious criticism. You might as well analyze a beach ball.”

Avatar , Philip Martin, The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

Melanie Griffith and Tom Hanks.

“A misfire of inanities. This is a failure of epic proportions. You’ve got to be a genius to make a movie this bad.”

The Bonfire of the Vanities , Joel Siegel on ABC TV (US)

Will Smith and Sophie Okonedo put the nail in M Night Shyamalan’s career coffin.

“Eleven years and several progressively more dreadful movies after Signs, director M. Night Shyamalan would be lucky to get a gig directing traffic.”

After Earth , Lou Lumenick, New York Post

Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway in Bride Wars.

“If there are ten films worse than Bride Wars this year, I quit ... Everyone will tell you it’s a chick flick. Only in the sense that if you ground it up and fed it to battery hens it might be better served than running it through a projector.”

Bride Wars , Mark Kermode, The Observer*

(*And many thanks to Kermode , whose very funny book Hatchet Job: Love Movies, Hate Critics , sparked the idea for this article).

A trailer for a new Mickey Mouse horror movie has dropped, and it’s the stuff of nightmares, featuring a terrifying take on the Disney character.

Black Panther actress Carrie Bernans was left badly injured following a hit-and-run accident in New York City during New Year’s Eve festivities.

Dave Chappelle did exactly what he said he wouldn’t do in his new Netflix special: make fun of trans people. Critics have lashed the comedian over the material.

worst movie review quotes

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The 13 Funniest Lines from Some of Roger Ebert’s Most Scathing Reviews

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worst movie review quotes

“ Caligula ” (1979)

“‘Caligula’ is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful: People with talent allowed themselves to participate in this travesty. Disgusted and unspeakably depressed, I walked out of the film after two hours of its 170-minute length.” 

“ The Blue Lagoon ” (1980)

“This movie could have been made as a soft-core sex film, but it’s too restrained: There are so many palms carefully arranged in front of genital areas, and Brooke Shields’ long hair is so carefully draped to conceal her breasts, that there must have been a whole squad of costumers and set decorators on permanent Erogenous Zone Alert.”

“ Hellbound: Hellraiser II ” (1988)

“That makes ‘Hellbound: Hellraiser II’ an ideal movie for audiences with little taste and atrophied attention spans who want to glance at the screen occasionally and ascertain that something is still happening up there. If you fit that description, you have probably not read this far, but what the heck, we believe in full-service reviews around here. You’re welcome.” 

“ Last Rites ” (1988)

“Many films are bad. Only a few declare themselves the work of people deficient in taste, judgment, reason, tact, morality, and common sense. Was there no one connected with this project who read the screenplay, considered the story, evaluated the proposed film and vomited?”

“ North ” (1994)

“I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.” 

“ Mad Dog Time ” (1996)

“‘Mad Dog’ Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I’ve seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you’re not sure they have a bus line.” 

“ Battlefield Earth ” (2000)

“‘Battlefield Earth’ is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It’s not merely bad; it’s unpleasant in a hostile way.” 

“ Freddy Got Fingered ” (2001)

“This movie doesn’t scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn’t the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn’t below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn’t deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels….The film is a vomitorium consisting of 93 minutes of Tom Green doing things that a geek in a carnival sideshow would turn down.”

“ Sorority Boys ” (2002)

“I’m curious about who would go to see this movie. Obviously moviegoers with a low opinion of their own taste. It’s so obviously what it is that you would require a positive desire to throw away money in order to lose two hours of your life. ‘Sorority Boys’ will be the worst movie playing in any multiplex in America this weekend, and, yes, I realize ‘Crossroads’ is still out there.” 

“The Brown Bunny” (2003)

“I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than ‘The Brown Bunny.'”  (Note: Ebert recanted after seeing a recut version of the film and gave it a three-star review .)

“ Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen ” (2009)

“If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.”

“ Valentine’s Day ” (2010)

“‘Valentine’s Day’ is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it’s more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.”

“ Battle: Los Angeles ” (2011)

“Young men: If you attend this crap with friends who admire it, tactfully inform them they are idiots. Young women: If your date likes this movie, tell him you’ve been thinking it over, and you think you should consider spending some time apart.” 

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The 50 Harshest Roger Ebert Movie Review Quotes

On his 70th birthday, it’s only right that we run down The 50 Harshest Roger Ebert Movie Review Quotes.

Image via Complex Original

Not Available Lead

Some professionals’ names are synonymous with their respective fields. If the common, non-hip-hop fan was asked to cite a rapper, for instance, he or she would most likely namedrop Jay-Z ; ask somebody who never watches ESPN to reference a basketball player, and you’ll probably hear LeBron James ’ name. Do the same for “film critic” and, chances are, the response will be Roger Ebert .

Having immortalized the “two thumbs up” rating system with the late Gene Siskel , made history when he became the first movie critic to win the Pulitzer Prize in 1975, and amassed the chutzpah to have his reviews syndicated throughout not only the United States, but all around the world, Ebert, who turns 70 today, is the long-reigning champion of cinematic analysis.

He’s not the granddaddy, however; in fact, the grandmommy, if you will, was the late Pauline Kael , the New York-based writer who Ebert described as having "had a more positive influence on the climate for film in America than any other single person over the last three decades." But Ebert has undoubtedly earned more widespread popularity throughout his illustrious career. And he’s continued to do so despite a near-fatal battle against thyroid cancer, the complications from which have left him unable to speak and dependent on a feeding tube. Yet Ebert’s writing hasn’t slowed down a bit.

The filmmakers behind his least favorite films probably aren’t happy about that. As excellently written as Ebert’s positive reviews are, it’s the Chicago-based critic’s negative reactions that have always been his most entertaining to read. Never one to pull punches, the Chicago Sun-Times M.V.P. is a master of the critical beatdown, whether he’s dropping hilarious insults, viciously bashing a movie without the faintest bit of humor, or offering random yet tangentially related musings that signify his disinterest.

We’re longtime readers of the man’s work, so, on his 70th birthday, it’s only right that we run down The 50 Harshest Roger Ebert Movie Review Quotes and celebrate his 45-year career the best way Complex knows how to: by reveling in the icon's most savage prose.

Written by Matt Barone ( @MBarone )

Follow @ComplexPopCult

50. Kazaam (1996)

Not Available Interstitial

"As for Shaquille O'Neal, given his own three wishes the next time, he should go for a script, a director, and an interesting character." — Roger Ebert

49. Valentine's Day (2010)

Not Available Interstitial

" Valentine's Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date." — Roger Ebert

48. Mad Dog Time (1996)

" Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line." — Roger Ebert

47. Tomcats (2001)

" Tomcats was written and directed by Gregory Poirier, who also wrote See Spot Run and thus pulls off the neat trick, within one month, of placing two titles on my list of the worst movies of the year. There is a bright spot. He used up all his doggy-do-do ideas in the first picture." — Roger Ebert

46. The Exterminator (1980)

" The Exterminator exists primarily to show burnings, shootings, gougings, grindings, and beheadings. It is a small, unclean exercise in shame." — Roger Ebert

45. Old Dogs (2009)

" Old Dogs seems to have lingered in post-production while editors struggled desperately to inject laugh cues. It obviously knows no one will find it funny without being ordered to. How else to explain reaction shots of a dog responding to laugh lines?" — Roger Ebert

44. Stargate (1994)

"The movie Ed Wood , about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate ." — Roger Ebert

43. A Lot Like Love (2005)

"To call A Lot like Love dead in the water is an insult to water." — Roger Ebert

42. Sorority Boys (2002)

"I'm curious about who would go to see this movie. Obviously moviegoers with a low opinion of their own taste. It's so obviously what it is that you would require a positive desire to throw away money in order to lose two hours of your life. Sorority Boys will be the worst movie playing in any multiplex in America this weekend, and, yes, I realize Crossroads is still out there." — Roger Ebert

41. The Secret of My Success (1987)

"Like most movies about mistaken identities, this one relies heavily on the Idiot Plot: Everyone in the movie is an idiot or the mystery would be solved in five minutes. Does the movie really believe anyone is as stupid as these characters? Does it care?" — Roger Ebert

40. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

"Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. I neglected to mention that, maybe because I was trying to place them in this review's version of the Witness Protection Program. If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling alleys, I would have some idea of how they must have felt as they made this film." — Roger Ebert

39. The Bucket List (2008)

"I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens." — Roger Ebert

38. The Spirit (2008)

" The Spirit is mannered to the point of madness. There is not a trace of human emotion in it. To call the characters cardboard is to insult a useful packing material." — Roger Ebert

37. Seven Days in Utopia (2011)

"I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again." — Roger Ebert

36. 200 Cigarettes (1999)

"Seeing a film like this helps you to realize that actors are empty vessels waiting to be filled with characters and dialogue... Here they are contained by small ideas and arch dialogue, and lack the juice of life. Maybe another 200 cigarettes would have helped; coughing would be better than some of this dialogue." — Roger Ebert

35. The Beverly Hillbillies (1993)

"Here is a film with all of the wit of the road kill that supplies not one but two of the lesser jokes." — Roger Ebert

34. Johnny Be Good (1988)

"This movie is simply financial leakage, a squandering of resources equivalent to polluting a river or plowing under a rain forest. I'm serious. We're desperate for things to think about in this society, and these guys contribute to the situation by providing us with 86 minutes of zip. They oughta have their pictures on the post office wall." — Roger Ebert

33. Christopher Columbus: The Discovery (1992)

"The movie is more generous in showing what the visitors found here. Columbus encounters friendly Indians, of which one—the chief's daughter—is positioned, bare-breasted, in the center of every composition. (I believe the chief's daughter is chosen by cup size.) Columbus sails back to Europe and the story is over. Another Columbus movie is promised us this fall. It cannot be worse than this. I especially look forward to the chief's daughter." — Roger Ebert

32. Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001)

"I've seen audits that were more thrilling." — Roger Ebert

31. Diary of Forbidden Dreams (1976)

"If [a talented director has] made several good films, chances are that sooner or later someone will give him the money to make a supremely bad one. I wonder how much Carlo Ponti gave Roman Polanski to make Diary of Forbidden Dreams . Ten cents would have been excessive.” — Roger Ebert

30. The Last Airbender (2010)

" The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented. The laws of chance suggest that something should have gone right. Not here. It puts a nail in the coffin of low-rent 3D, but it will need a lot more coffins than that.” — Roger Ebert

29. 13 Ghosts (2001)

"The production is first-rate; the executives included Joel Silver and Robert Zemeckis. The physical look of the picture is splendid. The screenplay is dead on arrival. The noise level is torture. I hope 13 Ghosts plays mostly at multiplexes, because it's the kind of movie you want to watch from the next theater." — Roger Ebert

28. Monsters, Inc. (2001)

"The sexy Celia (voice by Jennifer Tilly) has a crush on Wazowski. What she sees in him is beyond me, although if there is anyone who can figure out how to have sex with a green eyeball, that would be Jennifer Tilly. I can imagine her brassy voice: 'Blink! Blink!'" — Roger Ebert

27. Easy Come, Easy Go (1967)

"Elvis looks about the same as he always has, with his chubby face, petulant scowl, and absolutely characterless features. Here is one guy the wax museums will have no trouble getting right. He sings a lot, but I won't go into that. What I will say, however, is that after two dozen movies he should have learned to talk by now." — Roger Ebert

26. Breaking the Rules (1993)

"The movie has to be seen to be believed. It is a long, painful lapse of taste, tone, and ordinary human feeling. Perhaps it was made by beings from another planet, who were able to watch our television in order to absorb key concepts such as cars, sex, leukemia, and casinos, but formed an imperfect view of how to fit them together." — Roger Ebert

25. The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)

"The film is reprehensible, dismaying, ugly, artless, and an affront to any notion, however remote, of human decency." — Roger Ebert

24. Sex Drive (2008)

" Sex Drive is an exercise in versatile vulgarity. The actors seem to be performing a public reading of the film's mastery of the subject. Not only are all the usual human reproductive and excretory functions evoked, but new and I think probably impossible ones are included. This movie doesn't contain 'offensive language.' The offensive language contains the movie." — Roger Ebert

23. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination." — Roger Ebert

22. The Village (2004)

"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets." — Roger Ebert

21. Last Rites (1988)

"Many films are bad. Only a few declare themselves the work of people deficient in taste, judgment, reason, tact, morality, and common sense. Was there no one connected with this project who read the screenplay, considered the story, evaluated the proposed film and vomited?" — Roger Ebert

20. Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie (2012)

“As faithful readers will know, I have a few cult followers who enjoy my reviews of bad movies. These have been collected in the books I Hated, Hated, Hated, HATED This Movie; Your Movie Sucks , and A Horrible Experience of Unendurable Length . This movie is so bad, it couldn't even inspire a review worthy of one of those books. I have my standards.” — Roger Ebert

19. Revolver (2007)

"Some of the acting is better than the film deserves. Make that all of the acting. Actually, the film stock itself is better than the film deserves. You know when sometimes a film catches fire inside a projector? If it happened with this one, I suspect the audience might cheer." — Roger Ebert

18. The Blue Lagoon (1980)

"This movie could have been made as a soft-core sex film, but it's too restrained: There are so many palms carefully arranged in front of genital areas, and Brooke Shields' long hair is so carefully draped to conceal her breasts, that there must have been a whole squad of costumers and set decorators on permanent Erogenous Zone Alert." — Roger Ebert

17. Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)

"That makes Hellbound: Hellraiser II an ideal movie for audiences with little taste and atrophied attention spans who want to glance at the screen occasionally and ascertain that something is still happening up there. If you fit that description, you have probably not read this far, but what the heck, we believe in full-service reviews around here. You're welcome." — Roger Ebert

16. Battle: Los Angeles (2011)

"Young men: If you attend this crap with friends who admire it, tactfully inform them they are idiots. Young women: If your date likes this movie, tell him you've been thinking it over, and you think you should consider spending some time apart." — Roger Ebert

15. The Skulls (2000)

"The real Skull and Bones has existed for two centuries, and has counted presidents, tycoons, and CIA founders among its alumni. Membership was an honor—until now. After seeing this movie, members are likely to sneak out of the theater through the lavatory windows." — Roger Ebert

14. Battlefield Earth (2000)

" Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way." — Roger Ebert

13. Mr. Magoo (1997)

" Mr. Magoo is transcendently bad. It soars above ordinary badness as the eagle outreaches the fly. There is not a laugh in it. Not one. I counted." — Roger Ebert

12. Dice Rules (1991)

" Dice Rules is one of the most appalling movies I have ever seen. It could not be more damaging to the career of Andrew Dice Clay if it had been made as a documentary by someone who hated him. The fact that Clay apparently thinks this movie is worth seeing is revealing and sad, indicating that he not only lacks a sense of humor, but also ordinary human decency.” — Roger Ebert

11. B.A.P.S. (1997)

"My guess is that African Americans will be offended by the movie, and whites will be embarrassed. The movie will bring us all together, I imagine, in paralyzing boredom." — Roger Ebert

10. Masterminds (1997)

"I stopped taking notes on my Palm Pilot and started playing the little chess game." — Roger Ebert

9. The Brown Bunny (2003)

"I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny ." — Roger Ebert

8. Armageddon (1998)

"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out." — Roger Ebert

7. Little Indian, Big City (1996)

"There is a movie called Fargo playing right now. It is a masterpiece. Go see it. If you, under any circumstances, see Little Indian, Big City , I will never let you read one of my reviews again." — Roger Ebert

6. Caligula (1979)

" Caligula is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful: People with talent allowed themselves to participate in this travesty. Disgusted and unspeakably depressed, I walked out of the film after two hours of its 170-minute length." — Roger Ebert

5. Joe's Apartment (1996)

"I am informed that 5,000 cockroaches were used in the filming of Joe’s Apartment . That depresses me, but not as much as the news that none of them were harmed during the production." — Roger Ebert

4. Godzilla (1998)

"Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica." — Roger Ebert

3. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)

" Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo makes a living cleaning fish tanks and occasionally prostituting himself. How much he charges I'm not sure, but the price is worth it if it keeps him off the streets and out of another movie." — Roger Ebert

2. Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels." — Roger Ebert

1. North (1994)

"I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it." — Roger Ebert

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33 Of The Worst, Most Cringeworthy Lines In The History Of Movies

"You think your life is hard? I'm a high school junior wearing size 13 Nikes."

Angelica Martinez

BuzzFeed Staff

Sometimes you're watching a movie and there's a line that's just so bad, it totally takes you out of the movie. Like, pause-the-TV-so-you-can-process-what-the-heck-you-just-heard kind of bad.

Well, i asked the buzzfeed community to share some of the cringiest movie lines they've ever heard, and they certainly did not disappoint. here are 33 of the best (or, perhaps, worst) ones:, 1. when agent sands asked cucuy this very important question in once upon a time in mexico :.

Are you Mexi-can or Mexi-can't?

— liambunnyboy

2. When Edward explained how ~enticing~ Bella's scent is to him in Twilight :

Your scent, it's like a drug to me. You're like my own personal brand of heroin.

— ashleighm488273cd0

3. When Noah and Allie shared this infamous moment in The Notebook :

If you're a bird, I'm a bird.

— kevind4ac2ce8fe

4. When Anastasia asked this very important question in Fifty Shades of Grey :

It's just behind this door. / What is? / My playroom. / Like your Xbox and stuff?

— sterrevdpijl

5. When Jodi explained the struggles of being tall in Tall Girl :

You think your life is hard? I'm a high school junior wearing size 13 Nikes. Men's size 13 Nikes. Beat that.

— iwouldratherbesleeping1013

6. When Anna uttered this infamous line from Notting Hill :

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her

"You're like, 40 years old, Julia. Grow up!"

7. When Jennifer asked Needy and Chip this important question in Jennifer's Body :

It smells like Thai food in here, have you guys been fucking?

8. When Anakin used this pickup line in Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones that was a little...uh... rock y:

I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. But not like you. You're everything soft and smooth

"The WORST pickup line ever delivered by Anakin Skywalker. No wonder he wore the helmet of shame. Ugh."

— katek4161e6ae2

9. Yet another Edward gem from Twilight :

You better hold on tight, spider monkey

"They did the books so dirty."

— hmrichard13

10. When Draco and Harry shared this exchange in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets :

"I just couldn’t help but laugh."

— willthisrlywork

11. When Seth decided to make pears ~deep~ in City of Angels:

Meg Ryan asks You don’t know what a pear tastes like?” And Nicholas Cage responds with “I don’t know what a pear tastes like to you”

"It has been a long time since I’ve seen this movie, but I will always remember this line. I will forever think that whole dialogue is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in a movie."

— rebekahc49e196459

12. When Harley Quinn said this cheesy line in Suicide Squad:

"So cheesy and trying so hard to be deep."

13. When Storm shared this very insightful fact in X-Men :

Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

"What’s the point of saying this? It wasn’t funny or clever, just stupid."

— tthornton2

14. In Spider-Man 3 , when Peter put on a " performance " at MJ's work, snapped his fingers, and said this:

Now dig on this.

— krysten005

15. When Jupiter and Caine shared this...uh...interesting exchange in Jupiter Ascending :

Your Majesty, I have more in common with a dog than I have with you. / I love dogs. I've always loved dogs.

"I laughed SO HARD; they tried to be quirky and romantic, but JESUS."

— meganhash13

16. Everyone's favorite line from Fifty Shades of Grey :

I'm fifty shades of fucked up

— gemmao4ef464753

17. This cringey line from Sam in The Perks of Being a Wallflower:

18. when princess tilde said this in kingsman: the secret service :.

If you save the world, we can do it in the asshole!

"WHY...JUST WHY. The movie was so good until that."

— sarabeltran

19. This line from Troll 2 that's so bad it's good:

They're eating her, and then they're going to eat me! OH MY GOOOOD!

— marie-francel

If you haven't seen this one before, you might want to watch the scene for yourself because it's really...something.

20. When Jennifer was absolutely certain that Needy was jealous of not getting an invite to a party in Jennifer's Body :

needy: I'm not jealous. Jennifer: You're totally jello. You're lime green jello and you can't even admit it to yourself.

"Literally ANY of the lines from Jennifer's Body . I love that movie because it is so god awful. I laugh through the whole movie at just the dialogue."

21. This incredibly quotable but also incredibly cringe exchange between Jacob and Bella in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 :

From the beginning, it was Nessie who wanted me there. / Nessie? You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster

"The whole movie wasn’t that good, but that part made me laugh my ass off."

— doloresthedumb

22. This unconvincing line from Four Weddings and a Funeral :

Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed?

"Not only is the line awful, but it was delivered so badly that it almost ruins one of my favorite rom-coms in the process."

— lizd44ced8787

23. When Thor made his first appearance in The Avengers, prompting this exchange between Cap and Iron Man:

Steve: Stark, we need a plan of attack. Tony: I have a plan — attack.

— germancanadian

24. In The Brothers Bloom , when Penelope let Bloom know exactly how she felt:

I think you're constipated, in your fucking soul...I think you might have a really big load of grumpy petrified poop up your soul's ass

25. When Anakin responded to Padmé's affection with this line in Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith :

Love won't save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that!

26. When Sam and Patrick shared this thought in The Perks of Being a Wallflower that really didn't need to happen:

Sam: Charlie, I'm not bulimic. I'm bulimist. Charlie: I'm sorry, I don't know what that is. Patrick: She just really believes in bulimia. Sam: I love bulimia

"It's the worst line ever — ruined the movie for me. It's never mentioned in the book, and never addressed another time in the whole movie. It made me so mad!"

— devint4b72c316e

27. When O had this poetic revelation in Savages :

"I have orgasms, he has wargasms."

"I shut it off after that."

— megana4ef6322d4

28. Every time the phrase " true true" was repeated in Cloud Atlas with complete seriousness:

You want the true true

— amys4a67eb584

29. When Christian tried to seduce Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey :

Ana: Are you going to make love with me now? / Christian: Two things. First, I don't make love. I fuck hard

— dreeminbigg

30. When Ricki tried to talk dirty in Gigli :

"It's turkey time. Gobble gobble"

— katrinad419bb21f3

31. When the saxophone player complimented Jack in The Nightmare Before Christmas:

Nice work, Bone Daddy

32. When Jack had this questionable comeback in Speed :

I'm a guy with a plan, 'cause I'm smart. I'm smarter than you. / Yeah? Well, I'm taller

— kristinh4c3851073

33. And finally, when Jamey delivered this back-handed compliment in Sierra Burgess Is a Loser :

I mean, you're not exactly everybody's type. You're my type

"Erm NO, so not cool — definitely not a compliment."

— mithili02

Now it's your turn! Are there any awful, cringey movie lines we missed? If so, tell us the line and what movie it's from in the comments below!

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20 Terrible Film Lines That Had No Right Being Memorable

Everyone knows 'em...but they really shouldn't.

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20. "Take Your Stinkin' Paws Off Me, You Damn Dirty Ape!"

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Gaz Lloyd hasn't written a bio just yet, but if they had... it would appear here.

Den of Geek

The 13 worst lines in movies, ever

Compiling a worst of list is an almost impossible task. But Sarah's had a go, anyway...

worst movie review quotes

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Entertainment Weekly recently published a list of what they considered to be the worst lines of dialogue in movies ever. They’re pretty bad. But I’ve seen worse.

The problem with making a worst-of list is that it’s impossible to see all the dregs. Even considering the amount of low budget horror crap I watch, there’s more out there. There’s piles and piles of stuff I won’t touch because I know it’ll suck ( Norbit , anyone?) and those movies undoubtedly contain lines that just should not be uttered by anyone on Earth ever. Keeping up with the avalanche of straight-to-video shit in the world now isn’t possible. So even this doesn’t constitute a “worst” list. Just a “pretty fucking dreadful” list. Keeping all those caveats in mind, onto the list!

13. Serenity (2005) “I aim to misbehave.”

Even in the trailer, this line sounded awkward. In context, it sounded worse. How did Serenity manage to suck so much when Firefly was so utterly brilliant?

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12. The Ring Two (2005) “I’m not your fucking Mommy!”

Not improved by Naomi Watts’ delivery.

11. Roman (2006) “What the shit you do, y’ain’t got no TV?”

A coworker eloquently expresses his shock at discovering that Roman doesn’t own a television. In what almost sounds like one word. Boggling.

10. House of the Dead (2003) “We finally got to the boat, but it wasn’t there!”

Then clearly you didn’t get to it, did you?

9. Doom (2005) “Semper fi, motherfucker!”

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“Always faithful, motherfucker”? Er. What?

8. Hellbreeder (2004) “Are you sure you saw what you think you thought you saw?”

Er. Yes? No? What’s the right answer here?

7. Jawbreaker (1999) “Some of the sweetest candies are sour as death inside.”

One of the worst police officers ever utters this nonsense in the middle of a discussion about a high school murder carried out using… a jawbreaker. This movie sucked. (Sucked – like you suck candy? Get it? Okay, then.)

6. Pulse (2006) “Do you know what dying tastes like? Metal.”

Really? Okay.

5. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) “I hoped I’d get to nail you one more time. Didn’t think it’d be literally.”

Where do you start with this movie? Urghhhhhh. There’s nothing good about it, but this was particularly cringeworthy.

4. Chopper Chicks in Zombietown (1991) “You don’t want TV, you want coitus!”

But Doctor Who ‘s on!

3. The Wicker Man (2006) “No! Not the bees! Nooooo! Not the bees! My eyes! Arghhhhhhh! Arghhhhhh! Arghhhhhh!”

Nicolas Cage in this movie is… umm… well, he’s a revelation. I’ll leave it at that.

2. Troll 2 (1990) “You can’t piss on hospitality.”

After a child has, actually, pissed all over some food to stop his family eating it. In fairness, it was covered in evil troll goo. And piss.

1. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005) “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The worst thing ever. The worst. There has never been anything worse than this in cinema ever. Never.

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(For what it’s worth, here’s Entertainment Weekly’s list:

Notting Hill (1999) “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”

Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith (2005) “Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo.”

Jerry Maguire (1996) “You complete me.”

Ever After (1998) “A bird may love a fish, signore, but where will they live?”

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992) “I’m gone, like a turkey in the corn. Gobble gobble!”

X-Men (2000) “You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.”

Sin City (2005) “My warrior woman. My valkyrie. You’ll always be mine, always and never. Never. The Fire, baby. It’ll burn us both. It’ll kill us both. There’s no place in this world for our kind of fire.”

Pretty Woman (1990) “And she rescues him right back.”

She’s All That (1999) “I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. You know, except for the whole hooker thing.”

Love Story (1970) “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

A Cry in the Dark (1988) “A dingo ate my baby!”

As Good as It Gets (1997) “You’re why cavemen chiseled on walls.”

Four Wedding and a Funeral (1994) “Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.”

Dirty Dancing (1986) “I carried a watermelon.”

City of Angels (1998) “We were made to fit together.”)

Weasels Rip My Flesh – and 101 other deathless horror movie titles What the…funster? Top 10 edited-for-TV movies The Top 5 most overrated horror movies 9 directors worse than Uwe Boll

Sarah Dobbs

Sarah Dobbs | @SarahDobbs

Sarah is a freelance writer and editor. She loves horror movies, unusual storytelling techniques, and smoking jackets. Ask her about the Saw movies. Go on, ask.

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