Public Speaking Resources

300 Funny Speech Topics to Tickle Some Funny Bones!

Funny speech topics are usually difficult to turn up with. Yet, presenting this kind of speech might put you in trouble if you do not decide on the topic properly.

Better research on the topics motivating starting point. You will be happy to see smiles and laughter on your audience’s faces when you share the funny speech.

Besides, presenting a speech is challenging, and adding humor makes your speech interesting. Successful humor will entertain the listener.

It can break down professed barriers between you and the audience. This article gives some ways to use humor to your advantage while delivering the speech.

To jump to the funny 270 speech topic section, click here . And, to jump to funny speech videos, click here .

A funny speech recommends a joyful response from the audience from the start of the speech. Here every tone and gesture prognosis the significance with the audience.

The general belief and preference appear from the funny speech topic you choose. This type of speech also helps to differentiate you from others in a similar area.

  • Persuasive Speech Topics
  • Informative Speech Topics
  • Argumentative Speech Topics

Indeed, public speech is full of fun usually when humor is added to them. The main usage of humor is to convince the audience with your overview. This can move a long way convincing your solution is the correct one.

For most people, delivering a speech can be like sitting on the cactus plant. It is a great responsibility and with intense pressure.

Due to nervousness, we do not desire to deliver a speech in front of a crowd of audiences.

A speech helps to communicate with an audience allowing them to understand a specific side of a topic. The language, volume, confidence, and body language matter while delivering the speech.

Adding a little humor both in your speech and topic will help to cut the stress. The article deals with funny speech topic ideas for every type of speaker. Relevant to the age group of your audience, better select the topic and carry out the proper research.

Table of Contents

1. Research and find the topic

2. consider and understand your audience, 3. decide the type of speech you are going to deliver, 4. decide your ideas and goal, 5. think about your main points, 6. deliver the speech clearly and understandably, 7. use vivid and particular adjective, 8. get inspired, 9. record the speech you practice, persuasive funny speech topics, informative funny speech topics, impromptu funny speech topics, funny speech videos, how to deliver an effective funny speech.

funny speech topics

While deciding on the topic, think about the quality of your speech. It should not only depend on the topic you choose.

Better think about and make a list of the things you enjoy talking about the most. Point out the topics which you understand better and can be funny at the same time.

This might exclude some topics which are difficult to deliver a funny speech. Such topics are poverty, funeral, domestic violence, and much more. Better make proper use of the list and decide on the prospective topic.

Before working on the speech, remember who you are going to deliver the speech. It will be better if you consider and understand your audience. Here are some questions to think about:

  • What is the common age of your listener?
  • What does your audience have in general?
  • What kind of speech do they desire to hear?
  • What kind of funny speech did they expect to appreciate?

There are two types of speech. They are humorously informative and humorous speeches. You have to choose among them

A humorously informative speech delivers the information to the audience making them laugh. Besides, a firmly humorous speech aims to make the audience laugh.

Suppose, you are delivering a speech whose main aim is to deliver information or ideas. Here, you might desire to integrate humor while thinking about the ideas you want to deliver. Better draft the revealing part of your speech initially, then include jokes and humor.

After you decide on the topic, you have to focus on the main points of the speech. Think about the key message you desire to get across.

Do not forget to select a particular topic. If the foremost topic is extremely wide, your speech might not be fruitful. These types of speech are hard to complete in a short time.

Think about the main points and use the devising procedure to turn up prospective points. This helps to discuss and support your main idea. Get rid of anything that does not match the topic. Better do not speak on the points that you do not feel comfortable talking about. You can also pick up your strongest points and choose which ones to comprise.

Most of us get 25% of what we learn by hearing . Since your audiences listen to your speech, make sure your language is clear and simple. Unlike writing, speech deals with delivering speaking on the relevant topic.

Here, the audience will be less agreed with the details of sentence structure. They will be more agreed to your complete message.

Also, pay more attention to the expressions while presenting the speech. Avoid too long and complicated sentences. Since these types of sentences will be difficult to follow.

Clear and direct sentence structures are improved the way you express words. These words should be as vivid as possible. The more expressive a word is, the fewer needed to converse a similar concept.

It is much east to talk about humor when you are in a humorous mood. It is much east to talk about humor when you are in a humorous mood. So, earlier than presenting the funny speech, be inspired by the things you find humorous and entertaining.

You can also:

  • Make some time for funny movies, television shows, or comedians.
  • Read the work done by your favourite entertaining writers.
  • Focus more when you make people round you laugh. Note the things you do or say that entertains people and the way you do it.

It is better to video record when you practice the speech. Doing this allows you to observe and tweak both your vocal and physical performance.

But if you are unable to take video, and audio recording can be useful as well.

Observe or listen to the recording to look for the points where the speech lags or where your tone goes down.

Assure you are not presenting too quickly or too slow. Make sure you do not jiggle or say “um” excessively. It can be uncomfortable to listen to yourself. Yet, doing this helps to improve your presentation.

270 Funny Speech Topics 

Find here the list of funny speech topics. Read the topic and make sure you practice more for a good result.

  • Why you should never participate in a food challenge
  • Describing a yo-yo to an alien
  • Practical guide to a toothache
  • How do I fire my boss?
  • Breakup insurance policy: A must have
  • Life should come with a soundtrack
  • A petition for comfortable lingerie.
  • How to Kill Your Goldfish
  • How to Lose the Guy of Your Dreams
  • Bad pick up lines are better than good pick up lines.
  • Sometimes I talk to myself because I need intelligent conversation
  • If failures are a stepping stone, I’ve built myself a ladder to heaven
  • Never start a diet on a Monday
  • Netflix is a hobby
  • My birthday should be a national holiday
  • Shoes tell a lot about a person: Crocs for all!
  • Why braces are cool
  • The Strangest Person I Ever Met –
  • Eating things you don’t like
  • Children’s Nursery Rhymes: The real meaning behind them
  • Internet dating: The best way to find love
  •  Why the Barbie Doll is an icon
  • Why Mom knows best
  • A man’s right to wear skirts
  • If I were the Lord of Misrule…
  • Mistaken identity: Why I am commonly confused with a movie star.
  • Is the ‘Force’ with you?
  • My best chat-up lines
  • The worst chat-up lines ever
  • Why I prefer dogs over people
  • Homer Simpson for President
  • How to Flunk Out of College
  • Why Good Girls Love Bad Boys
  • Shifting the blame: the only way to handle difficult situations
  • Talk Shows: Airing Our Dirty Laundry
  • Taylor Swift: A Role Model For Today’s Youth
  • Jared, the Subway Guy: His Rise to the Top
  • Bollywood movies and Illuminati
  • We Are the People Our Parents Warned us About
  • Everything I Needed to Know in Life, I Learned in Kindergarten
  • Guaranteed Ways to Ruin Your Credit
  • Blaming your dog for things
  • Blaming your horoscope for why things went wrong
  • Protection from Zombies
  • People with mediocre talents have success and high talented people haven’t.
  • How teachers spend their time when they are not teaching.
  • Coffee tastes bitter, but we want it anyway.
  • Are the final exams in schools rigged?
  • Why are Dads so weird?
  • Reasons why I love doing nothing around the house.
  • Internet surfing is a workout.
  • Every child should get a cootie shot.
  • The funniest amusement parks.
  • How to deny reality.
  • Wine/beer/cocktail of the month.
  • Why I don’t want to be a millionaire.
  • When I resign, I will …
  • For her/him who doesn’t have to do it, nothing is impossible.
  • Once a month, the school should allow kids to host a food fight.
  • Short guys are closer to your heart.
  • Halloween shouldn’t be the only holiday when we get to wear costumes.
  • My younger/elder sibling(s) should treat me like a king/queen.
  • Men should never wear skinny jeans.
  • Why older women do not want to admit their age.
  • Why women say they hate sports.
  • Why casino players actually are sad people.
  • Why smart people don’t know they have the wrong ideas.
  • Women marry much younger men.
  • What if plants had feelings?
  • Your guide to life.
  • Who runs the world? No really, who’s in charge?
  • Eating flowers is possible.
  • Happy puppies make humans happy.
  • Urban running acrobatics.
  • Personal bloopers are great funny topics for a speech.
  • What women really say when they talk to men.
  • Answers on the meaning of life.
  • A true story that isn’t true in the end.
  • How to pass the blame like a pro
  • Why men like action and women like romance movies.
  • Five requirements to be called a bestie by girlfriends.
  • Why rose is the best flowers’ fragrance many women like.
  • The power of foot reading
  • Chasing idle dreams is a good habit.
  • Rare speed limits and the reasons why.
  • What women really say when they talk to men?
  • In a fight between superheroes, who will win the battle?
  • Life with Harry Potter.
  • Calorie counts should be listed on all foods.
  • Cleaning your room is overrated.
  • Why men are proud of themselves.
  • Ways to remember birthdays.
  • My most profitable mistake.
  • How to find funny speech topics in 24 hours.
  • How to bunk college
  • How to do make up like a joker
  • Why is cheating not included in the course curriculum?
  • What to do on a desert island.
  • Things to do in the traffic jam.
  • How to cope with troubles at a family reunion.
  • Why I don’t need money or cash.
  • The Ten Commandments in a restaurant boys and girls room.
  • Why people look like their dogs.
  • Top 5 bad business slogans.
  • How lazy students still survive and succeed in life.
  • Why my – any fun speech topic – looks cooler than the … of my neighbor.
  • Why you need to lie.
  •  What do teachers do off duty?
  • A guide to efficient lazyness
  • How to juggle
  • How to carve a pumpkin
  • How to catwalk
  • How to apply face paint
  • Offending your parents: The proper way to do it.
  • Why exercise is a scam
  • What to say on a first date
  • What not to say on a first date
  •      How to sell yourself: A guide to proper prostitution
  • How to survive a blind date
  • How to survive as an incompetent person
  • How to cheat at Monopoly
  • The 3 biggest lies at school
  • How you can tell when you’re drunk
  • Why the chicken crossed the road: An analysis
  • Questions not to ask people
  • The worst jokes ever
  • The best jokes ever
  • The art of making cereal
  • How to give your dog a pill
  • How to cheat at poker
  • How to dance the twist
  • What to do with cold custard
  • What Not to Say on a Date
  • What Not to Wear on a Date
  • Divorce: The escape you’ve been seeking
  • How to Screw up a Job Interview
  • How to Ruin a Good Thing
  • How to Fail at Dieting
  • How to Change a Baby’s Diaper (Use a doll)
  • How to Succeed in College Without Attending Class
  • How to Get Out of A Speeding Ticket
  • How to Survive on Minimum Wage
  • America’s Dumbest Criminals
  • Celebrities Behaving Badly
  • An Idiot’s Guide to Cooking Frozen Dinners
  • Is this a sign? Learning sign language.
  • Get Rich Quick
  • Marketing tactics and why they work
  • How to Succeed as a Freeloader
  • How to Catch a Cheater
  • Mastering the art of passive aggressiveness
  • Napoleon Dynamite: An American Hero
  • American Idol
  • The McDonald’s Diet
  • Adam Sandler
  • Best Excuses For Missing Work
  • How to Cheat on a Test
  • Unique uses for duct tape
  • Fun with super glue
  • Quote Shakespeare like a pro
  • Yodel like a professional
  • Eating well on $5.00 a day
  • My apology for global warming
  • How to grow grits for fun and profit
  • Getting over your fear of speech making
  • Plausible conspiracy theories
  • Thanksgiving dinner in three easy steps
  • How to be a charming host at any event.
  • The art of being unbearable
  • 10 ways to irritate a telemarketer.
  • 10 ways to freak out your roommate.
  • What are dentists truly after?
  • How to drive the baby-sitter crazy.
  • How to cheat poker the nice way.
  • How to Lose the Guy of your dreams
  • The secret to a successful Thanksgiving dinner
  • Tips for merging two households.
  • Why modern art is a scam.
  • Do’s and Don’ts for a first pregnancy
  • Five ways to keep a boring conversation going at a cocktail party.
  • Bare funny facts about men.
  • Funny facts about women.
  • Small things to appreciate for a happy life.
  • How to perform a convincing fake laugh.
  • Crazy rules men wish women knew. 
  • How to give your dog or cat a pill.
  • How to determine you are addicted to the Internet.
  • How to throw a paper airplane in class.
  • What really happened to the toothfairy.
  • Ten things you’ve learned from your pet.
  • How to become a rat and make a fortune.
  • 10 ways to order pizzas.
  • Why do rock stars break their guitars on stage?
  • The secret behind the most popular tattoos.
  • Worst birthday presents ever.
  • Why must I clean my room every day
  • What magicians don’t want you to know: Magic’s biggest secrets.
  • A handy list of excuses to get out of doing things
  • How to learn from your parent’s mistakes.
  • How to get – more – Valentine’s Day cards next year.
  • How to turn the Academy Awards ceremony into funny event
  • Why do most mainstream songs make no sense at all?
  • What you can’t say in public.
  • Making a mud pack facial
  • Tips for buying gifts everybody wants.
  • Disney theme songs to suit your life.
  • Unexpected disasters that can happen.
  • Ten fun things to do during an exam.
  • Ten ways to order a pizza.
  • What are your dreams trying to tell you?
  • Worst marriage counseling advice.
  • Interesting ancient remedies
  • How to get fired in three easy steps.
  • How to not promote your products online.
  • Do all pop songs sound the same?
  • Three elements to creating the next catchy hit.
  • Odd foods that you have to try.
  • Is tiktok a legitimate career?
  • Cheating: The proper way to do it
  • If I ruled the World…
  • My most effective hangover cure
  • My Most Embarrassing Moment
  • Are white lies ok?
  • How I ran away from home
  • Unhappily Ever After
  • Funny job applicant stories.
  • Being the older child and depression: Coincidence?
  • Why the youngest child deserves her own holiday!
  • Which celebrity would you like to meet and why?
  •      How I choose friends.
  • The one time I made my parents proud
  • Humor or intelligence: What is the preferred trait?
  • Favourite cartoon characters
  • My American Idol audition
  • A ghost that you want to hang out with
  • Last day at school/college
  • The party that went wrong
  • The joke that backfired
  • If I had a time machine
  • Out of the Mouth of a Child
  • Speech topics are tough
  • Funny Names to call your tutors
  • Are uniforms necessary?
  • My first day at school
  • My worst nightmare…
  • My best April Fool’s prank
  • Funniest Childhood Memory
  • My worst day ever
  • The perfect television advertisement
  • How I ruined a good date.
  • How real love is different from movies?
  • Caught in a Compromising Position
  • Tales From Scribbles on the Bathroom Wall
  • A Time I Got Arrested
  • My 15 Minutes of Fame
  • The end justifies the means
  • Your most hated household chore
  • Cancel all the seasons other than summer.
  • Men behaving badly
  • Women behaving badly
  • Practical Jokes
  • April Fool’s Day
  • The Bogeyman
  • Blind Dates
  • Demonstrate tasting wine in a humorous way.
  • If I was my boss, then …
  • Funny computer terms and phrases.
  • Funny holidays in other countries.
  • My most embarrassing moment
  • The strangest thing I’ve ever met anyone
  • Procrastinators unite! ..Tomorrow?
  • Funny first date experiences.
  • What I don’t understand about fashion.
  • My motto: I´m flexible by indecision
  • How I choose friends.
  • The time I Ran Away From Home.
  • Worst present I’ve ever gotten
  • Unusual incidents.
  • Does the perfect man exist?
  • Crazy things to do in the supermarket.

The guide and topics for humorous speech should get you started with your funny speech. Let me know what you think about this article by commenting below.

The 50 Best 2-Minute Speech Topics

2 minute humorous speech

It might seem daunting to come up with a speech topic, let alone a two-minute speech topic that can both engage and inform your audience. With the right topic, however, you can make a powerful impact in the short amount of time that you have. Here is a list of the 50 best two minute speech topics to get you started.

  • The Importance of Setting Boundaries
  • Discrimination in the Workplace
  • Self-Care and Stress Management for Mental Well-Being 
  • If I Could Live the Life of My Dog for a Day
  • The Benefits of Positive Self-Talk 
  • Different Challenges of Being a Leader 
  • The Benefits of Diversity in the Workplace 
  • Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Education 
  • What The Pandemic Did To Me
  • The Benefits of Investing in Yourself 
  • Role of Social Connections in Mental Health 
  • The Role of Technology in Modern Society
  • The Challenges of Climate Change 
  • How to Become an Expert at Anything
  • Benefits of Volunteering and Community Service
  • Work From Home Shenanigans
  • History and Significance of a Particular Holiday or Event
  • The Benefits of Reading 
  • The Importance of Building Strong Relationships
  • The Power of Forgiveness
  • Importance of Having a Good Work Ethic
  • The Benefits of a Good Night’s Sleep
  • Benefits of a Healthy Social Life
  • The Power of Books 
  • The Art of Public Speaking 
  • Value of Education
  • The Challenges of Living in a Digital World
  • The Benefits of Having an Unusual Hobby
  • Achieving Success Through Creative Thinking
  • Cultivating a Growth Mindset
  • The Power of Letting Go of the Past
  • Value of Taking Time for Yourself
  • The Art of Making Friends
  • The Importance of Choosing Happiness
  • Benefits of Living a Simple Life
  • Joys of Pursuing a Dream
  • The Value of Learning Every Day
  • Why It’s Okay to Make Mistakes
  • Disconnect to Connect
  • Role of Humor in Life
  • How to Deal With Stress 
  • Why Learning A Second Language Is A Great Idea
  • Benefits of a Strong Support System in Times of Hardship
  • Importance of Forgiveness and How It Can Improve Relationships
  • Dangers of Distracted Driving
  • The Importance of Setting Clear Goals and Objectives
  • Impact of Artificial Intelligence on Our Lives
  • Benefits of Being a Good Listener and How It Can Improve Your Relationships and Communication Skills
  • How to Stay Confident in the Face of Criticism or Negativity
  • The Link Between Body Language and Confidence

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, the 50 Best 2 Minute Speech Topics provide a wide range of ideas to help anyone craft a great speech. With a variety of topics to choose from, there is something for everyone, whether you’re looking for a humorous topic or something more serious. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something that will engage your audience and leave them with something to think about.

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510 Funny Speech Topics & Informative, Persuasive Ideas

18 January 2024

last updated

Funny speech topics revolve around entertaining themes that provoke laughter and amusement. They often include anecdotal tales, parodies, satires, and personal comic experiences that can humanize the speaker, bringing a relatable touch. Topics may range from humorous perspectives on everyday life to playful takes on societal norms, trending pop culture, or even absurd, hypothetical scenarios. Using humor, the speaker can delve into subject matters that would otherwise seem mundane or generic, transforming them into hilarious narratives or poignant commentary. The aim is to inspire laughter while creating an engaging and memorable experience for the listeners. In turn, successful funny speech topics not only tell jokes but also convey a message or a lesson wrapped in humor, making communication effective and enjoyable.

Best Fun Speech Topics

  • Evolution of Animation in the 21st Century
  • Impacts of Virtual Reality on Human Perception
  • Dark Matter: The Unsolved Mystery of the Universe
  • Astonishing Advances in Bionic Technologies
  • Hidden Gems: Lesser-Known Cultures of the World
  • Intriguing Intersections of Science and Religion
  • Food as Art: The World of Culinary Creativity
  • Influence of Hip-Hop Culture on Fashion Trends
  • Polar Bears: Survival Tactics in Extreme Conditions
  • Artificial Intelligence Revolutionizes Healthcare Delivery
  • Comic Books: Powerful Platforms for Social Commentary
  • Rise of Plant-Based Diets: Pros and Cons
  • Deep-Sea Creatures and Their Bizarre Adaptations
  • Space Tourism: The Dawn of a New Era
  • Mysterious Phenomenon of Crop Circles Explained
  • Blockchain Technology Redefines Financial Transactions
  • Cryptids: Chasing Legends in Modern Folklore
  • Futuristic Architecture: Innovations for Sustainable Cities
  • Mind-Bending Mysteries of the Human Brain
  • Walking the Tightrope: Balancing Work and Play
  • Cultivating Happiness: The Science Behind Positive Psychology
  • Sustainable Fashion: Revolution in the Apparel Industry
  • Fascinating World of Bio-Luminescent Organisms
  • Time Capsules: Messages for Future Generations
  • Unraveling the Secret Language of Dolphins
  • Living Off-Grid: A Lifestyle Without Technology
  • Coffee Culture: Global Variations and Traditions

Funny Speech Topics & Informative, Persuasive Ideas

Easy Fun Speech Topics

  • Magic of Mushrooms: Fungi’s Role in Ecosystems
  • Living on Mars: Future of Space Colonization
  • Influence of Memes on Popular Culture
  • Color Psychology: Effects on Human Behavior
  • Unheard Languages: The World’s Least Known Tongues
  • Secrets of the Deep Jungle: Uncharted Wildlife
  • Dream Interpretation: Unlocking the Subconscious Mind
  • Insects: Underappreciated Heroes of Biodiversity
  • Longevity: Unraveling the Secrets of Blue Zones
  • Tea Ceremonies: Rituals Around the World
  • Ghost Towns: Stories of Abandoned Places
  • Pioneering Women in the Field of Science
  • Resilience: Understanding Human Adaptability in Adversity
  • Robotics: Future of Automation in Daily Life
  • Gastronomy: The Science Behind Delicious Food
  • Public Art: Catalysts for Urban Renewal
  • Urban Farming: Greening the Concrete Jungle
  • Wildlife Photography: Capturing Nature’s Wonders
  • Augmented Reality: Changing the Face of Entertainment
  • The Intriguing History of Cryptography
  • Unusual Sports From Around the Globe
  • Quantum Computing: The Future of Technology
  • Bird Migration: A Stunning Global Journey
  • Harnessing the Power of Solar Energy

Interesting Fun Speech Topics

  • Demystifying the Illusion Art of Street Performers
  • Life Under Ice: Exploring Antarctica’s Ecosystem
  • Making Music With Unconventional Instruments
  • Volcanoes: Nature’s Spectacular Fireworks
  • Secret World of Spies: Espionage Through the Ages
  • Tattoos: Body Art Across Cultures and Histories
  • Culinary Adventures: Exotic Foods of the World
  • Pyramids: The Mysteries of Ancient Architecture
  • Butterflies: Nature’s Flying Masterpieces
  • Bioluminescence: The Science of Living Light
  • Forest Bathing: The Healing Power of Nature
  • Battle of the Browsers: Evolution of Internet Surfing
  • Therapeutic Effect of Pets on Human Health
  • Life’s Extremities: Organisms in the Hottest and Coldest Places
  • Exploring the Mysterious World of Dreams
  • Impact of Social Media on Modern Politics
  • The Fascinating Science of Forensics
  • Space Junk: The Growing Problem Above Us
  • Incredible Inventions that Changed the World
  • Ice Cream: A Global Love Affair With a Cold Treat
  • Unusual Pets: Exotic Animal Companions
  • Nanotechnology: The Small Scale That Changes Everything
  • Transforming Waste Into Art: Upcycling Innovations
  • Taboos: Social Constraints and Cultural Differences

Funny Speech Topics for High School

  • Secret Life of Cafeteria Food: An Investigation
  • Emojis as the New Universal Language
  • Why Will Robots Never Win the Comedy Club?
  • Aliens Among Us: Spotting Extraterrestrial Classmates
  • Prom Disasters: A Comical Analysis
  • Embarrassing Incidents During Virtual Classes
  • How to Survive Zombie Teachers
  • Sock Puppets: A Fashion Statement?
  • Homework Myths: Why Aliens Really Stole My Assignment?
  • The Art of Effective Procrastination
  • Toilet Paper Fashion Show: A Roll of Style
  • Hilarious Truths About Being a High School Mascot
  • Pranks Gone Wrong: Cautionary Tales
  • The Unbelievable Adventures of My Imaginary Pet
  • Gym Class Hero: A Tale of Triumphant Failure
  • Bathroom Graffiti: Hidden Messages or Art Masterpieces?
  • Teachers’ Lounge Secrets: A Comedic Exploration
  • Navigating Hallways: An Epic Journey
  • Invention Mishaps: Comical Attempts at Genius
  • Epic Battle: Vending Machines vs. Students
  • Uncovering the Mystery of the Lost Pens
  • Bizarre Moments in High School Sports
  • Lockers: A Tale of Lost and Found Treasures
  • Dances With Textbooks: An Academic Ballet

Funny Speech Topics for College Students

  • Misinterpretations of Common English Idioms
  • Professors’ Funniest In-Class Blunders
  • The Great Cafeteria Food Mystery
  • Dorm Room Disasters: What Not to Do?
  • Campus Squirrel Shenanigans: Stories from the Quad
  • Social Media Fails: A Compilation of Epic Proportions
  • Late-Night Study Sessions: The Unrevealed Truth
  • Athletic Mascots: Their Untold Backstories
  • College Pranks: Our Most Epic Tales
  • Unusual Courses Offered at Universities
  • Sporting Events: When Cheering Becomes Excessive?
  • Survival Tactics for 8 AM Classes
  • Craziest Things Found in Library Books
  • Thriving on Instant Noodles: The Ultimate Guide
  • College Students’ Most Innovative Excuses
  • Unspoken Rules of Dorm Life
  • Unforgettable Stories from Fraternity Parties
  • Fashion Disasters: Trends That Should Not Have Happened
  • Campus Statues: Their Funniest Vandalisms
  • Unintentionally Hilarious Academic Papers
  • Textbooks: Where to Find the Hidden Humor
  • Relationship Drama: Love at the Time of Finals
  • Thrift Store Treasures: Student Style Edition
  • Misadventures in Public Speaking Classes
  • Acquiring Cooking Skills: Tales of Trial and Error
  • Overheard Conversations on Campus

Funny Speech Topics for University Students

  • Professor Ratings: The Hilarious Reality
  • Memorable Moments from Student Elections
  • Foreign Language Class Bloopers
  • Strange Traditions at Colleges Around the World
  • Scavenger Hunts: Unforgettable Campus Adventures
  • Intramural Sports: The Hilariously Unathletic Side
  • Bizarre Local Restaurants Near Campuses
  • Navigating Awkward Roommate Situations
  • Unconventional Stress-Relief Tactics During Finals
  • Off-Campus Housing Horrors: Lessons Learned
  • Lab Experiments Gone Wrong: Science Mishaps
  • Extracurricular Clubs: The Weird, the Wacky, and the Wonderful
  • Parody of Famous Speeches: A Creative Interpretation
  • Artistic Impressions of College Life
  • Road Trips: Misadventures and Unanticipated Detours
  • Best Practices for Procrastination: Tales From the Experts
  • Celebrating Birthdays: The Unique College Way
  • When Spell-Check Fails: Hilarious Typos in Assignments
  • The Odyssey of Lost-and-Found Items
  • Unusual Majors: Discovering Unique Areas of Study
  • Evolution of Student Slang: A Historical Journey
  • Nightmares of Online Classes: Technical Glitches and Beyond
  • Trying New Sports: Hilarious Outcomes
  • Coffee Addicts: Unusual Tales of Dependency

Presentation Funny Speech Topics

  • The Art of Magic and Illusion
  • The Power of Protest Songs in Social Movements
  • Understanding the Mysteries of Black Holes
  • History’s Most Famous Heists
  • The Evolution of Video Games
  • The Future of Drone Technology
  • Mysterious World of the Giant Squid
  • The Ancient Art of Storytelling
  • The Unseen World of Microorganisms
  • The Influence of Weather on Mood and Behavior
  • The Emergence of Cryptocurrency: A New Financial Era
  • Mysteries and Legends of the Bermuda Triangle
  • Graffiti: A Colorful Form of Urban Expression
  • The Role of Bees in the Global Ecosystem
  • Treasure Hunting: Exploring the World of Metal Detecting
  • The Marvelous World of Miniature Art
  • Understanding Our Universe: The Role of Telescopes
  • The Resurgence of Vinyl Records
  • Futuristic Medicine: The Promise of Gene Therapy
  • Exploring the Depths: The Art of Scuba Diving
  • Cinematic Magic: Behind-the-Scenes of Filmmaking
  • Salamanders: Masters of Regeneration

Argumentative Funny Speech Topics

  • Penguins as Skilled Business Executives: A Chilly Proposition
  • Transforming Deserts Into Giant Sandboxes: A Drought of Fun
  • Banning Broccoli: A Vegetable Revolt
  • Living Underwater: Mermaid Lifestyle for Humans
  • Food Fights as Mediation Tactics: A Messy Resolution
  • The World Dominated by Squirrels: A Nutty Hypothesis
  • Mandatory Unicorn Riding Lessons in Schools: A Fantasy-Turned Reality
  • Baking Cookies on Mars: A Crispy Outer Space Venture
  • Allowing Toys to Vote: A Child’s Perspective
  • Adopting Trolls for Bridge Security: A Mythical Proposal
  • Elephants as Household Pets: The Bigger, the Better
  • Turning the Moon into a Giant Billboard: An Astronomical Advertisement
  • Professional Pillow Fighting: Establishing a Soft Sport
  • Balloons as an Alternative Transport System: The Lighter Side of Commute
  • Gummy Bears for Breakfast: A Sticky Situation
  • Clouds as Cotton Candy: A Sweet Metaphor
  • Appointing Dogs as Mail Carriers: A Furry Delivery
  • Socks as Currency: A Footwear Revolution
  • Gorillas as Gym Trainers: A Beastly Approach
  • Flying Carpets for Daily Commute: A Magical Solution
  • Owning a Pet Griffin: A Mythical Guide
  • A World Without Mirrors: Beauty in the Unknown
  • Turning Skyscrapers into Giant Slides: A Quick Descent
  • Slippers as the Official Footwear: A Cozy Proposal

Persuasive Funny Speech Topics

  • Ghosts as Roommates: A Spooky Co-Living
  • Bubbles for Stress Relief: The Soapier, the Better
  • Octopuses as Kitchen Assistants: Eight Times the Help
  • Wearing Pajamas to Work: A Comfortable Transition
  • Proving Pigs Can Fly: An Uplifting Analysis
  • Fairies as Electricians: A Magical Power Source
  • Toilet Paper as a Form of Art: A Roll in Creativity
  • Using Roller Skates for Efficient Office Movement
  • Wizards as School Teachers: A Magical Curriculum
  • Rainbows as the New Fashion Trend: A Colorful Spin
  • Dragons as Eco-Friendly Transport: A Fiery Proposition
  • Building Tree Houses for Adults: A Wooden Haven
  • Using Shampoo as a Drink: A Bubbly Brew
  • Living in a World Ruled by Children: A Tiny Transition
  • Giants as Construction Workers: A Massive Proposal
  • Allowing Ice Cream for Breakfast: A Frosty Start to the Day
  • Lollipops as a Solution to World Peace: A Sweet Strategy
  • Cows as Lawn Mowers: An Eco-Friendly Trim
  • Turning Every Day into Halloween: A Permanent Trick or Treat
  • Owls as Night Watchmen: A Hoot of a Job
  • Using Fairy Dust for Instant Cleaning: A Magical Solution
  • Living Life According to Fortune Cookies: A Crunchy Future
  • Using Dreams as Television Shows: A Surreal Entertainment
  • Swapping Houses With Celebrities: A Starry Proposal

Informative Funny Speech Topics

  • Amusing Evolution of Breakfast Cereal Mascots
  • Unbelievable Animal Misconceptions: Debunking Fallacies
  • Light-Hearted Journey through Dance Move History
  • Wacky World of Pun-Infused Jokes: Linguistic Delights
  • Marvelous Art of Comedic Improvisation
  • Surprising Science Behind Laughter: Unveiling Mechanics
  • Quirky Origins of Bizarre Phobias and Irrational Fears
  • Giggle-Inducing Secrets of Memes and Internet Hilarity
  • Unusual Traditions From Across the Globe: An Amusing Exploration
  • Bizarre and Hilarious World of Parody Music: Weird Al Yankovic
  • Entertaining Experiences With TV Sitcom Moments
  • Unexpected Side of Stand-Up Comedy: Tales From the Stage
  • Peculiar Habits of Eccentric Geniuses Throughout History
  • Whimsical Artistry of Cartoons: Doodles to Masterpieces
  • Hysterical History of Practical Jokes and Hilarious Pranks
  • Curious World of Competitive Air Guitar: A Musical Farce
  • Playful Science of April Fools’ Day: Deconstructing Hoaxes
  • Comical Evolution of Internet Slang and Abbreviations
  • Side-Splitting Stories of Famous Comedy Duos
  • Hilarious Trials and Tribulations of Becoming a Stand-Up Comedian
  • Witty Wonders of Satire: Journey into Irony
  • Amusing Art of Nonsense Poetry: Crafting Rhymes That Baffle
  • Laughable History of Ridiculous Inventions
  • Silly Secrets of Clowning: Balloons, Makeup, and Slapstick
  • Laugh-Out-Loud Chronicles of Classic Comedy Films

Public Funny Speech Topics

  • Hilarious Insights on Parenting: Nurturing Little Laughter Machines
  • The Quirks of Online Dating: Searching for Love in a Swipe-Right World
  • Laughing Our Way Through Office Politics: Surviving the Cubicle Jungle
  • Side-Splitting Travel Mishaps: Adventures in Lost Luggage and Missed Flights
  • Comedy in the Kitchen: Mastering Culinary Catastrophes With a Smile
  • Chuckles in the Classroom: How to Survive Teachers With a Sense of Humor?
  • Unforgettable Wedding Disasters: I Do’s, Oops, and Hilarity Ensues
  • The Ups and Downs of DIY Projects: When Your Home Improvement Dreams Become Comedy Acts?
  • Roaring With Laughter: Taming Wild Pets and Their Mischievous Antics
  • Laughing Out Loud at Awkward Family Gatherings: Lessons in Love and Laughter
  • Finding Humor in Fitness Fails: Embracing the Gym Life With a Big Smile
  • From Catwalk to Cat Fails: Unveiling the Comical Side of Fashion
  • Guffaws and Gags in the Gaming World: Mastering Virtual Adventures With a Sense of Humor
  • The Chronicles of Awkward Social Encounters: Turning Red Faces Into Belly Laughs
  • The Comedy of First Dates: Awkward Moments, Epic Fails, and Endless Laughter
  • Laughter Therapy: How Humor Can Heal and Unwind Our Daily Stress?
  • Stand-Up Comedy Survival Guide: Making People Laugh Without Breaking a Sweat
  • The Comedy of Technology Fails: Embracing Glitches and Technical Difficulties
  • Chuckles and Chaos in Traffic Jams: The Commuter’s Guide to Keeping Sane
  • The Hilarity of Pet Ownership: Furry Friends and Their Unpredictable Antics
  • The Funny Side of Exercise: Turning Sweating Into Smiles
  • Comedy in the Corporate World: Breaking the Ice and Building Bridges With Humor
  • Navigating Awkward Conversations With Grace and Wit: Turning Tension Into Laughter
  • Laughing Through Financial Woes: Finding Humor in Money Matters
  • The Jokes on Us: A Light-Hearted Look at Everyday Blunders and Mistakes
  • The Power of Puns: Unleashing Wordplay for Maximum Chuckles

Motivational Funny Speech Topics

  • Unleashing the Hilarious Power of Positive Thinking
  • Embracing Laughter: The Key to Unlocking Success
  • Climbing the Humorous Mountain of Personal Growth
  • Mastering the Art of Juggling Life’s Challenges
  • Roaring With Confidence: The Funny Path to Self-Discovery
  • Laughing Your Way to the Top: Success With a Smile
  • Embracing Imperfection: Finding Joy in the Quirks
  • The Comedic Journey of Overcoming Obstacles
  • Hilarious Strategies for Boosting Productivity
  • Sparking Creativity With a Side of Humor
  • Finding Balance Through Belly-Laughter
  • The Humorous Path to Self-Motivation
  • Chuckles and Triumphs: Laughing Your Way to Victory
  • Hurdling Barriers with a Comic Twist
  • The Funny Fuel for Reaching New Heights
  • Embracing Failure: The Comedic Road to Success
  • The Power of Hilarity in Building Resilience
  • Laughing in the Face of Fear: Conquering Challenges With Humor
  • From Giggles to Greatness: Unleashing Your Full Potential
  • Harnessing the Joyful Energy of Funny Inspirations
  • The Laughter Workout: Flexing Funny Muscles for Success
  • Poking Fun at Procrastination: Proven Techniques to Get Things Done
  • Quirky Confidence: Embracing Your Unique Awesomeness
  • Tickling the Funny Bone of Creativity

Demonstration Funny Speech Topics

  • Unforgettable Adventures: Skydiving With a Hilarious Jester
  • The Hysterical Science of Flatulence
  • An Outrageous Guide to Wild Pillow Fights
  • Training Your Pet Octopus to Perform a Comedic Dance Routine
  • The Art of Pranking: Mastering Classic Gags and Tricks
  • Laughter Therapy: The Professional Tickling Revolution
  • The Epic Clash: Socks vs. Sandals Showdown
  • Conversing With Inanimate Objects: The Absurdity Unveiled
  • Finding Humor in Unconventional Sports: The Comedy Olympics
  • The Secret Life of Pigeons: Tales From the Avian Comedy Club
  • The Great Breakfast Rebellion: Pancake Mayhem
  • The Smiling Deception: Navigating Awkward Social Encounters
  • Exploring the World of Corny Dad Jokes
  • The Musical Bathroom: Singing Showers and Dancing Toothbrushes
  • Embracing Your Inner Clown: Lessons From the Circus Academy
  • Awkward Dance Moves: The Science Behind the Laughter
  • The Adventures of the Superhero Sock: A One-Footed Comedy Crusade
  • Animal Impersonations: Unleashing the Inner Beast
  • Surviving as a Stand-Up Comedian’s Heckler: Trials and Tribulations
  • The Comedy of Mistakes: Embracing Fails and Blunders
  • Rubber Chicken Chronicles: A Life Less Ordinary
  • Laughing at Yourself: The Unexpected Benefits
  • The Mime’s Handbook: A Quirky Guide to Silence and Gestures
  • Conversations With Plants: Unveiling the Botanical Comedy Scene
  • The Prankster Gnome’s Unbelievable Journey
  • The Science of Laughter: Making an Entire Room Snort

Humorous Speeches Ideas

  • Laughing Lessons: How to Master the Art of Hilarity?
  • Roaring Robots: When Artificial Intelligence Tells Jokes?
  • Tummy Troubles: A Comedic Exploration of Digestive Disasters
  • Hilarious Hobbies: Unconventional Pastimes for a Good Laugh
  • Fumbling Fiascos: Tales of Awkward Moments and Misadventures
  • Giggle Gurus: Seeking Wisdom From Professional Comedians
  • Pranks and Pandemonium: Navigating the Fine Line of Practical Jokes
  • Jovial Jargon: Decoding the Language of Comedy
  • Comedy Cuisine: Spice Up Your Cooking With Laughter
  • Witty Wonders: Unraveling the Science Behind Humor
  • Tickling the Ivories: The Musical Side of Comedy
  • Mischievous Memoirs: Tales of Childhood Mischief and Mayhem
  • Chuckle Chronicles: Memorable Moments from Stand-Up Comedy History
  • Side-Splitting Surprises: Unexpected Laughter in Everyday Life
  • Hilarity on Wheels: A Humorous Journey Through Transportation Woes
  • Light-Hearted Learning: Lessons in Laughter From the Classroom
  • Silly Superheroes: Unveiling the Comedic Side of Caped Crusaders
  • Laughing Legends: Iconic Figures Who Defined Comedy
  • Giggling Geography: Discovering the Funniest Places on Earth
  • Quirky Quotations: Unearthing the Wittiest Lines in Literature
  • Laughable Laws: Exploring Bizarre Legalities Around the World
  • Hysterical History: Forgotten Tales of Laughter From the Past
  • Jokes on Screen: A Cinematic Celebration of Comedy
  • Stand-Up Secrets: Behind the Scenes of a Comedian’s Routine
  • Comedy and Crime: When Humor Collides With the Law?
  • Hilarious Health: The Benefits of Laughter for Well-Being
  • Comic Conundrums: Solving Riddles and Puzzles With Humor

Comedy Speeches

  • Hilarious Adventures of a Rubber Duck
  • The Absurdity of Unicycling Hippos
  • Laughing Through Life’s Little Mishaps
  • Peculiarities of Pogo Stick Races
  • Mirthful Mayhem: Clowns vs. Monkeys
  • Tickling the Funny Bone: Stand-Up Comedy Secrets
  • Chuckles and Chortles: An Ode to Silly Walks
  • The Unforgettable Fiasco of a Synchronized Swimming Competition
  • The Quirks and Quips of a Penguin Convention
  • Rib-Tickling Antics of Mischievous Kittens
  • Guffaws and Giggles: Exploring the World of Prank Calls
  • Comedic Capers of a Salsa-Dancing Granny
  • The Hilarity of Accidental Gymnastics
  • Laughing in the Rain: Umbrella Etiquette Lessons
  • The Side-Splitting Saga of a Talking Parrot
  • Unraveling the Wacky World of Competitive Pie Eating
  • Giggle Factory: Behind the Scenes of a Comedy Club
  • The Comedy of Errors in a Haunted House
  • Belly Laughs and Slapstick: A Study in Physical Comedy
  • The Wonders of Juggling Chainsaws (Safely, of course!)
  • Hysterical High Jinks at a Toy Store
  • The Hilarious Misadventures of a Bungling Magician
  • Finding Humor in Traffic Jams: Car Horn Orchestra
  • Quizzical Quacks: A Duckling’s Stand-Up Routine
  • The Amusing Art of Balloon Animal Sculpting

Improvised Speeches

  • Benefits of Engaging in Outdoor Physical Activities for Mental Well-Being
  • Enhancing Creativity Through Music, Art, and Expression
  • Significance of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership Development
  • Exploring the Potential of Renewable Energy Sources for Sustainability
  • Promoting Gender Equality in Educational Institutions
  • The Impact of Social Media on Interpersonal Connections and Relationships
  • Implementing Sustainable Practices for a Greener Future
  • Embracing Cultural Diversity in a Globalized Society
  • Fostering Collaborative Teamwork in the Modern Work Environment
  • Promoting Mental Health Awareness and Support in Educational Settings
  • Strategies for Effective Time Management in the Digital Era
  • The Influence of Literature on Society and Personal Development
  • Nurturing an Entrepreneurial Mindset for Innovation and Success
  • The Importance of Critical Thinking in Decision-Making Processes
  • Addressing Cybersecurity Threats in the Digital Age
  • Strategies for Building Resilience in Times of Change and Uncertainty
  • Encouraging Volunteerism and Active Community Engagement
  • Promoting Financial Literacy for Personal Economic Stability
  • Exploring the Potential of Virtual Reality in Enhancing Learning Experiences
  • Enhancing Global Cooperation for Effective Climate Change Mitigation
  • The Influence of Music on Mood Regulation and Emotional Well-Being
  • Strategies for Effective Conflict Resolution in Personal and Professional Relationships
  • Leveraging Technology for Inclusive and Accessible Education
  • Overcoming Stereotypes and Bias for a More Inclusive Society

Parody Speeches

  • Hilarious Ways to Conquer the Couch Potato Syndrome
  • Whimsical Strategies for Mastering the Art of Procrastination
  • Unconventional Techniques to Achieve World Peace Through Sarcasm
  • Outrageously Effective Methods for Becoming an Unrivaled Internet Troll
  • Amusing Secrets to Transforming Into a Highly Successful Underachiever
  • Comical Approaches to Becoming a Professional Overthinker
  • Ridiculous Steps to Becoming a Champion in the Sport of Napping
  • Satirical Techniques for Acquiring an Advanced Degree in Procrastination
  • Laughable Ways to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse (Without Breaking a Sweat)
  • Absurd Strategies for Outsmarting Artificial Intelligence in Everyday Life
  • Hysterical Tips for Mastering the Skill of Talking Nonstop About Nothing
  • Ironic Secrets to Becoming an Unstoppable Expert at Misplacing Things
  • Parodic Methods for Achieving a Perfectly Mediocre Work-Life Balance
  • Tongue-in-Cheek Approaches to Becoming a Social Media Influencer Overnight
  • Mocking Steps for Achieving an Exemplary Level of Cluelessness
  • Sarcastic Techniques for Becoming the Ultimate Pro at Avoiding Responsibilities
  • Comedic Strategies for Turning a Hobby Into an Unprofitable Business
  • Farce-Based Approaches for Finding Your Zen in a World Full of Chaos
  • Witty Methods for Becoming a Highly Unskilled Chess Grandmaster
  • Satirical Tips for Mastering the Art of Being Politically Incorrect
  • Laughable Ways to Perfect the Skill of Procrastinating Procrastination
  • Parodic Techniques for Becoming a Not-So-Superhero
  • Mocking Steps to Attain Unparalleled Levels of Awkwardness
  • Ironic Strategies for Surviving an Alien Invasion Using Only Sarcasm
  • Hilarious Approaches to Becoming an Expert at Misinterpreting Instructions

Funny Short Speeches Topics

  • Adventures in Sock Pairing: The Unsung Hero’s Quest
  • Surviving the Grocery Store: Mission Impossible Edition
  • Vegetables: Nature’s Tiny Comedians
  • Life Hacks for Lazy Living: An Unmotivated Guide
  • Misadventures in DIY: When Craft Projects Attack?
  • Decoding Cats: Understanding the Furry Enigmas
  • Fashion Faux Pas: The Hilarious Horrors of Style
  • Joyful Journey Through Jungle Gyms: Playground Perils
  • Bizarre Baking Blunders: Tales From the Kitchen
  • Pigeons: The Unappreciated Comedians of the Bird World
  • Dogs’ Dramas: The Hidden Soap Operas in Pet Parks
  • Houseplants: Silent Saboteurs of Home Decor
  • Dancing Disasters: My Life as a Two-Left-Footed Dynamo
  • Parenting Paradoxes: Navigating Through Toddlers’ Logic
  • Adventures in the World of Online Dating: Swipes, Likes, and Misfires
  • Caffeine Chronicles: When Coffee Becomes a Lifeline?
  • Gym Fails: The Secret Life of Exercise Equipment
  • Hunting for the Remote: A Living Room Odyssey
  • Commuter Chronicles: Tales From Public Transit
  • Office Pranks: The Art of Workplace Shenanigans
  • Food-Fight Fiascos: A Tribute to School Cafeterias
  • Sneakers: Tales of Unruly Footwear and Their Laces
  • Awkward Elevator Encounters: A Study in Silences
  • Parking Lot Perils: An Ode to Parallel Parking

Funny Speech Topics for 1-3 Minutes

  • Unexpected Outcomes of Eating Super Hot Chili Peppers
  • The Unbelievable Adventures of My Sleepwalking Dog
  • Bizarre Incidents in the Supermarket Aisles
  • Reimagining Traffic Lights: The Rainbow of Chaos
  • Impersonating Vegetables: Lessons From a Carrot
  • Deciphering Teenager Text Messages: An Insider’s Guide
  • Invasion of Socks: The Everlasting Mystery of the Missing Pair
  • Failed Attempts at Becoming a Yoga Master
  • Alien Abductions: My Hamster’s Story
  • Extreme Sports for Couch Potatoes: Remote Control Relay
  • Surprising Insights: The Secret Life of Refrigerators
  • Battle of Wills: Training the Untrainable Cat
  • Hilarious Misadventures on My First Camping Trip
  • Navigating the Perils of DIY Haircuts
  • The Comical Mishaps of Online Dating
  • Introducing the World’s Laziest Superheroes
  • Life According to Toddlers: The Wisdom and Wackiness
  • Spontaneous Combustion of Common Kitchen Disasters
  • Funny Lessons From My First Job Interview
  • The Intriguing Dilemma of the Forever Singing Parrot
  • Uncovering the Reality Behind Perfect Instagram Lives
  • Captivating Chronicles of a Terrible Cook

Funny Speech Topics for 4-6 Minutes

  • Astonishing Adventures of an Amateur Acrobat
  • Bizarre Encounters With Extraterrestrial Fast Food
  • Curious Chronicles of Coffee Connoisseurs
  • Unraveling the Mysteries of a Procrastinator’s Brain
  • Peculiarities in the Evolution of Parenting Styles
  • Socks: The Great Domesticated Disappearance
  • Pets Who Believe They Are People: An Investigation
  • Misadventures of a Meticulous Meal Planner
  • Intriguing Incidents Involving Imaginary Friends
  • Hilarious History of Hairdos and Hair Don’ts
  • Trials and Tribulations of a Toddler Teacher
  • Unique Use of Umbrellas in Unexpected Situations
  • Navigating the Treacherous Terrain of Teenage Trends
  • Wacky World of Whistle-Blowers at Work
  • Frenzied Fiascos of Family Road Trips
  • Entertaining Escapades of an Online Shopaholic
  • Remarkable Revelations Regarding the Tooth Fairy
  • Puzzling Popularity of Pineapple Pizza
  • Laughter Lessons From Llamas in Love
  • Daring Deeds of a Drama Queen’s Dog
  • Comical Confessions of a Closeted Comic Book Collector

Funny Speech Topics for 7-10 Minutes

  • Discovering the Art of Sock Puppetry
  • Underwater Basket Weaving: Future Olympic Event?
  • Decoding the Language of Houseplants
  • Training Squirrels: The Next Big Thing in Pet Ownership?
  • Unraveling the Mystery of Missing Socks
  • Navigating the Grocery Store: A Survival Guide
  • Implementing Teleportation in Everyday Chores
  • Investigating the Secret Lives of Pets
  • Demystifying the Art of Sleeping With Eyes Open
  • Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse With a Rubber Duck
  • Inventing New Sandwich Fillings: An Epicurean Experiment
  • Decoding Cats’ Meows: A Comprehensive Study
  • Unmasking the Truth: Santa Claus in the Off-Season
  • Harnessing the Power of Yawns: A Groundbreaking Discovery
  • Reinventing the Wheel: Silly Suggestions for Transportation
  • Dissecting Cartoon Logic: A Humorous Deconstruction
  • Superheroes’ Day Off: Unseen Adventures
  • Elucidating the Complexity of Comic Book Collection
  • Concocting Unusual Pizza Toppings: A Gastronomic Adventure
  • Procrastination Olympics: Gold Medal Techniques
  • Comprehending the Intricacies of a Dog’s Bark
  • Reinterpreting Fairytales in Modern Times: A Hilarious Twist

To Learn More, Read Relevant Articles

372 commemorative speech topics & good ideas, 406 fun essay topics & argumentative ideas.

My Speech Class

Public Speaking Tips & Speech Topics

Good 2-Minute Speech Topics for Students

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Jim Peterson has over 20 years experience on speech writing. He wrote over 300 free speech topic ideas and how-to guides for any kind of public speaking and speech writing assignments at My Speech Class.

The fear of public speaking is something that a lot of people share. It’s usually named as one of the most common fears that people have. Believe it or not, the best way to conquer a fear of public speaking is to just do it—a lot. Because the more you do it, the easier it gets. Eventually, you’ll start to get a little more comfortable and it’s not a problem anymore. Believe it or not, you might actually start to enjoy it. This is one reason why it’s important for children and adolescents to give speeches in school.

In this article:

The 2-Minute Speech

School-aged children, 2 minute speech topics: 4 illustrations.

2 minute speech topics

One thing that can help get young children and teens over their initial nervousness is to give them an interesting topic to talk about. Sometimes, it can be something that they genuinely have an interest in and might be excited to give a speech on. Or it can be something funny to help them break through their nervousness.

Topics for young children should be fun, simple, and something they can easily come up with on their own. You don’t want to give them a topic that is too difficult or requires too much preparation. Let’s face it, they’re going to be really nervous. The focus should be learning how to cope with speaking in front of a group comfortably and effectively, not necessarily on the content, subject, or topic.

Topics for teenagers and high school ESL students can be a little more personal or in depth but still needs to be a demonstrative speech, motivational speech, persuasive speech topic, an informative speech topic, or a funny impromptu speech in order to captivate the audience. Depending on the subject of the class where the student is giving the speech, the topic can loosely relate to whatever is being taught. That said, it’s important to remember that teenagers are also going to be nervous—in some cases, very nervous. Perhaps even more so than younger children because teenagers tend to worry more about what other people will think and are very concerned with fitting in.

Choosing the topic is important, especially for a 2-minute speech and will help with student progress. However, there is no point in giving a talk on Donald Trump for a few minutes if you don’t know anything about him. But don’t worry, we have some great ideas.

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List of 2-Minute Speech Topics

  • My Favorite Animal
  • My Favorite Stuffed Animal
  • The Best Toy Ever
  • My Favorite Food for Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner
  • Something I Love To Do for Fun
  • How to Build with Lego
  • The Best Day of My Life
  • The Smartest Cartoon Character
  • The Worst Chore
  • The Best Cookie
  • The Best Place to Go in Summer
  • How to Eat an Apple
  • Why Is the Sky Blue?
  • If I Had a Superpower
  • A New Rule I Would Make
  • My Favorite Cereal
  • What Is the Best Letter of the Alphabet?
  • Is Summer Better than Winter?
  • When I Grow Up
  • Best Thing to Do at Recess
  • How to Eat Pancakes
  • Pizza Crust: Yes or No?
  • A Time I was Brave
  • The Greatest Animal on the Farm
  • My Favorite T-Shirt
  • The Funniest Thing to Do with My Mom/Dad
  • What Is the Best Pet?
  • Who is My Hero?
  • If I Had $100
  • The Best Thing about A Farm
  • Where Do Rainbows Come From?
  • Why I Like Being the Oldest/Youngest Sibling
  • How to Have Fun in the Rain
  • The Best Thing about October
  • The Grossest Pizza Topping
  • The Hardest Thing I Ever Did
  • Sandwiches: With or Without Crusts
  • The Tastiest Fruit
  • The Best Thing That Is the Color Red/Blue/Orange
  • When I Learned to Tie My Shoes
  • Creamy or Chunky Peanut Butter
  • Why Does It Rain?
  • What Is Thunder?
  • Crayons or Markers: Which Are Better?
  • How to Make Peanut Butter and Jelly
  • The Best Thing about Having a Dog/Cat
  • My Halloween Costume
  • When I Learned to Ride a Bike
  • My Best Friend
  • How to Pick a Book to Read
  • The Best Thing about My Mom/Dad/Sister/Brother
  • My Favorite Ice Cream Flavor
  • My Favorite Animal at the Zoo
  • What Is the Best Color Apple?
  • Ketchup On Your French Fries: Yes or No
  • Teaching Grandma to Use a Smartphone
  • How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
  • Would You Rather Use Textbooks or Tablets in Class?
  • How to Effectively Fake Being Sick
  • The Most Annoying Thing my Mom/Dad Ever Did
  • Prom: Yay or Nay?
  • The Biggest Lesson I Have Learned
  • If Time Travel Were Real
  • The Stupidest Rule My Parents Have
  • A Much Needed Invention
  • Why I Love/Hate Vampires
  • The Best Book I’ve Ever Read
  • How to Tell a Fact from an Opinion
  • Explaining Snapchat to Your Parents
  • The Best App on My Phone
  • Three Things I Can’t Live without
  • The Best Lifehack I Ever Heard
  • How Do I Feel when My Cell Battery is at 10%?
  • The Best Advice I Ever Got
  • My Favorite Sandwich
  • My Dream Car
  • What I’m Dreading about College
  • Facebook vs. Twitter
  • How Social Media Makes my Life Better/Worse
  • How to Compose the Perfect Tweet
  • My Favorite Snapchat Filter
  • Best Member of my Favorite Band
  • Greatest Song Lyrics of All Time
  • Is there Value in Homework?
  • Should School Start Later?
  • Naps: Yay or Nay?
  • iPhone vs. Android
  • My Biggest Fear
  • My After School Job
  • Things I Could Have Done Instead of Preparing this Speech
  • Pineapple on Pizza
  • Best Toppings for a Burger
  • If I Could Only Listen to One Song for the Rest of My Life
  • How I Got my Driver’s License
  • Why Video Games Are Good
  • One Movie I Still Love from When I Was Little
  • The First Thing I Ever Bought for Myself
  • The Worst Superpower
  • The Most Disgusting Household Chore
  • If I Could Eat Only One Food for the Rest of My Life
  • Spotify vs. Pandora
  • Best Song to Listen to When Feeling Happy/Sad
  • Bad Date Ideas
  • The Greatest Purchase I Ever Made
  • My Favorite Instagram Filter
  • Texting or Calling?
  • If I Had $1,000
  • Something That Scares Me about Graduating
  • How to Ask Someone On a Date

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The Best Microphones for YouTube: 2022 Edition

169 Five-Minute Topics for a Killer Speech or Presentation

20 thoughts on “Good 2-Minute Speech Topics for Students”

Why are teachers so worried about hoods being up

Love the ideas they are so funny 🙂

I had to give speech in English in my MORNING assembly Suggest me a topic

Democracy =equality before law Democracy= disparity before law ✓/×

Why do teachers not like it when kids say Gucci?

I have to give a speech on Tuesday can you please assist me I was given the topic the class is the rest not the best

I need help for my 2 minute speech. I need to give it one Wednesday.

what my dog is thinking

I need to a speech done in 20 minutes for 3 minutes someone help me with ideas please xxx

plz need a topic right now for school it has to be something you can reserch plz help mehhhh

Please, I need a good 3-4 minute speech topic please send one through!!!!

I need one because I love speech writing. I am in grade 4

Ehm would pls give an example of a heading of a speech presented in a PTA meeting

Hey can you please help me out I’m in grade 7 I need help to right a 2 minute essay on school Thank you.

Why kids pick mums over dads

There should be reserved ladies seats in public transport.yes or no?? marks are more important than practical learning.yes or no? what should we do when a man or boy boards the ladies compartment in train or metro?

im stuck with coments and im freeking out its ment to be handed in today

ummmm why can’t our school just let us do our old speech instead of spending two hole hours on thinking of a new on

what to add to our school

Importance of reading

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  • Funny Speech Topics

Laugh and Be Happy - Funny Speech Topics

Funny speech topics are often difficult to decide upon and determine. Giving a speech is not an easy task anyway, but giving a humorous one can seem downright impossible!

So, try these topics as an inspirational starting point. You may surprise yourself while sharing smiles and laughter with your audience!

Funny Speech Topics - 1 to 25

1. My Most Embarrassing Moment

2. Funniest Childhood Memory

3. A Time I Got Caught...

4. How to Flunk Out of College

5. What Not to Say on a Date

6. What Not to Wear

7. Unbelievable but True!

8. America's Dumbest Criminals

9. Celebrities Behaving Badly

10. Why Good Girls Love Bad Boys

11. Unhappily Ever After

12. Caught in a Compromising Position

13. Tales From Scribbles on the Bathroom Wall

14. How to Kill Your Goldfish

15. How to Lose the Guy of Your Dreams

16. An Idiot's Guide to Cooking Frozen Dinners

17. Get Rich Quick

18. Napoleon Dynamite: An American Hero

19. Out of the Mouth of a Child

20. A Time I Got Arrested

21. My 15 Minutes of Fame

22. Talk Shows: Airing Our Dirty Laundry

23. Taylor Swift: A Role Model For Today's Youth

24. If I Were Shipwrecked on a Desert Island I Hope It Would be With ___

25. A Time I Ran Away From Home.

Funny Speech Topics

Funny Speech Topics - 26 to 50

26. America's Got Talent

27. How autocorrect ruined my life

28. The McDonald's Diet

29. Will Ferrell

30. Kevin Hart

31. Best Excuses For Missing Work

32. How to Cheat on a Test

33. Practical Jokes

34. April Fools Day

35. How to Screw up a Job Interview

36. How to Ruin a Good Thing

37. We Are The People Our Parents Warned us About

38. How to Fail at Dieting

39. How to Change a Baby's Diaper (Use a doll)

40. How to Succeed in College Without Attending Class

41. How to Get Out of A Speeding Ticket

42. How to Survive on Minimum Wage

43. Ridiculousness, the television series

44. The Boogeyman

45. Blind Dates

46. How to Succeed as a Freeloader

47. How to Catch a Cheater

48. Everything I Needed to Know in Life, I Learned in Kindergarten

49. Guaranteed Ways to Ruin Your Credit

50. The Strangest Person I Ever Met

Okay, so that's my list of funny speech topics. I know you can come up with more of humorous subjects from your experiences, observations, and education. Take a moment to think about the background you've gained in your life. Connect events and lessons together using brainstorming techniques and software if needed. You can get the laughs!

Check out some fun persuasive speech topics as well. They are not funny per se, but these controversial subjects are more light-hearted than the 'traditional' debate topics frequently chosen for speechmaking.

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230 Funny & Entertaining Speech Topics

Speeches to Entertain : There’s magic in a speech that has the power to elicit laughter, spread joy, and create an atmosphere of camaraderie. This simple, yet potent act of entertaining through words not only connects us but also paints the world in brighter hues.

When an entertaining speaker takes the stage, attention sharpens, faces brighten, and the energy in the room elevates. There’s something irresistible about a person who can weave a story with a silver lining of humor, transforming a mundane topic into a captivating tale.

But what exactly are entertaining speeches?

Entertaining speeches are narratives that are thoughtfully crafted to amuse, delight, and engage the audience . They may not always roll you in laughter but they will keep you interested, connected, and smiling.

And funny topics?

They are those quirky, hilarious subjects that tickle our funny bone and make the audience lean in for more.

In this guide, we’ll dive into a treasure trove of entertaining topics and funny speeches. Each one carefully picked to help you light up any occasion, captivate your audience, and leave them smiling long after you’ve left the stage.

So buckle up and let’s embark on this journey of laughter, connection, and unforgettable storytelling.

The Power of Humor

There’s a profound connection between humor and being human. Shared laughter serves as a unifying force, a common thread that weaves us together in a shared moment of joy.

It’s as if a funny quip or a witty anecdote cracks open a window to a common understanding, a shared perspective that maybe we didn’t realize before.

Consider this – Filipino humor is not the same as American humor.

Yet, there are times, when international audiences share a hearty laugh at the same jokes.

Because humor, at its core, is a connector. It bridges cultural gaps and unites diverse people.

While Joey de Leon or Vice Ganda’s style of comedy may tickle some, it may leave others indifferent. Likewise, while I might find Jon Stewart’s humor engaging, others may resonate more with Jerry Seinfeld.


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Motivational and interesting entertaining speech topics.

Motivation can come from a variety of sources, and finding humor in our struggles and successes is a great way to inspire and entertain. Here are some motivational and interesting entertaining speech topics that do just that:

  • “Failing Forward: The Humorous Side of Our Mistakes” : Talk about the importance of learning from mistakes, using funny anecdotes to lighten the subject.
  • “Goal Setting: The Comic Misadventures of High Ambition” : Discuss goal setting with humor by sharing ridiculous personal targets and amusing attempts to achieve them.
  • “Laughing at Adversity: Turning Trials into Triumphs” : Share humorous stories of overcoming adversity, making it both inspiring and entertaining.
  • “The Unexpected Benefits of Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone” : Discuss the humorous things that can happen when we dare to step out of our comfort zones.
  • “The Funniest Success Stories” : Share stories of successful people who got to where they are in unexpected and funny ways.
  • “How to Find Joy in the Little Things” : Speak about the significance of appreciating small joys in life, sharing amusing personal experiences.
  • “The Power of Positive Thinking: A Comedic Take” : Discuss the power of positivity with a humorous slant, poking fun at the unexpected outcomes of relentless optimism.
  • “The Art of Perseverance: Hilarious Lessons from History” : Share funny and inspiring stories of historical figures who displayed great perseverance.
  • “Embracing Change: The Funny Side of Life’s Twists and Turns” : Share anecdotes about the comical aspects of embracing change and adapting to new situations.
  • “Comedy in Leadership: How Humor Makes Better Leaders” : Discuss how humor can enhance leadership skills, giving entertaining examples of leaders who use comedy to their advantage.

Remember, it’s all about blending motivation and humor to create a speech that leaves your audience inspired and laughing.

2 minute humorous speech

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Entertaining speech topics for filipino high school, a la bob ong style.

Inspired by Bob Ong’s wit and humor in depicting Filipino high school life, these topics tap into the unique, relatable, and amusing experiences of Filipino high school students:

  • “Adventures sa Canteen: Ang Pag-ibig sa Spaghetti at Iba Pang Kwento” : Share funny stories about the love for canteen food and the hilarity that ensues during lunch breaks.
  • “Baliktad na Mundo: Ang Kalokohan ng High School Life” : Discuss the fun and craziness of high school life, from unforgettable classroom pranks to impromptu jamming sessions.
  • “The Art of ‘Cramming’: Mga Nakakatawang Techniques ng Estudyante” : Talk about the humor behind students’ creative and last-minute study habits.
  • “Ang Kababalaghan sa CR: Mga Nakakatawang Kwentong Banyo” : Share amusing stories about the adventures and mysteries that happen in the school restroom.
  • “Retreat House Horror Stories: Ang Katatawanan sa Kababalaghan” : Share funny tales of supposed hauntings during retreats or school camps.
  • “Nutrition Month: Ang Epic Fail na Cookfest” : Discuss the humor behind the annual Nutrition Month cooking competition and the epic fails that come with it.
  • “Ang Saya ng Foundation Day: Mga Nakakatawang Memories” : Talk about the fun and laughter during Foundation Day, from the variety show, sports fest, to the Mr. and Ms. High School pageant.
  • “Project Making Moments: Saan Aabot ang Bente Pesos Mo?” : Discuss the hilarity behind students’ budget-friendly and ingenious project making moments.
  • “Mga Katatawanang Kwentong Field Trip” : Share entertaining and funny stories about school field trips that can amuse your audience.
  • “The Chronicles of Ghost Month: Mga Nakakatawang ‘Multo’ sa School” : Discuss the comedic horror stories students share during the ghost month.

Remember, Bob Ong’s style is all about telling everyday Filipino stories with a sense of humor, nostalgia, and sometimes, poignant lessons. Let your love for being a Filipino student shine through, and your audience will surely appreciate your speech.

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Humorous Speech: 14 Tips to Leave Them Rolling in the Aisles


Have you every been thoroughly entertained by someone giving a humorous speech? Maybe you enjoy watching stand-up comedians on stage.

Laughter is a definite stress reliever – one of the best medicines, as the saying goes!

People love to laugh. Whether it’s improv, observational, word play, dark humour or something else, there are may ways to see levity in the world we live in.

And, there are many ways to deliver a funny presentation .

In Toastmasters , learning how to give a humorous speech is going to be one of the most gratifying adventures you’ll have as a member.

So, take heart, even if you’re not a natural, you can be that person on stage getting the laughs!

Let’s get started by looking at the prep work.

Before you Begin Your Funny Speech

As with any type of speech in Toastmasters, you want to do your best.

Starting with a little self-reflection and practice will help you figure out your strategy. Here’s how to proceed:


Remember what you found funny

Not everyone has the same sense of humour. In fact, for some people jokes go right over their heads while others find the same ones side-splittingly funny.

Consider what kind of humour resonates with you.

Do you laugh at silly costumes and clown noses? Or, do you find the physical humour of someone failing miserably at a juggling act comical?

Perhaps puns that exploit the meaning of certain words make you smile.

Think about what you enjoy in a humorous speech and you’re guaranteed that others will find it hilarious too. That’s the type of content you’ll want to incorporate into your presentation.

Play to your strengths

Are you known for telling self-deprecating anecdotes? Do you find fun it re-telling entertaining family stories?

Maybe you weren’t the class clown at school or have never been the life of the party, encouraging others to join in some fun activity.


Even so, you likely display some behaviour that tickles the funny bones of others. Therefore, keep that in mind as you decide how to craft your speech.

Try out your stuff

While you’re sorting out what you want to give a humorous talk about, try your hand at getting a laugh or two from others.

This will give you a little informal practice, and help you decide which route to take in your presentation.

Here’s a few ways to do this:

Explain the funny in your day   – Look for anything out-of-the-ordinary in your day and deliver it in a short, comical anecdote at work, or at home around the dinner table.

Did you see a dog wearing a hilarious-looking jacket? Was there someone with a loud snore napping on your bus?

One you start looking for the funny in the day, it’s not hard to find!   

Try kid-friendly humour   – Kids love jokes. If there’s a child in your life tell them a knock-knock joke, or something along those lines.

Many adults get a kick out of kid-friendly humour as well. Try out a silly groaner joke on one of the adults in your life.


Volunteer for Jokemaster – Take advantage of this ready-made opportunity for you to hone your joke-telling skills at your next Toastmasters club meeting .

After you get a little experience spreading humour, you’ll begin to feel more comfortable in the comedian role. Plus, you’ll find out where you’re getting the laughs.

Watch the experts

As a Toastmaster, you have a ringside seat to speakers of all skill levels.

Notice what grabs your attention in how others present their topic, and the ways they use humour – this goes for any speech, not just the intentionally funny ones!

Search out humorous TED Talks and study what the speaker does to be humorous. In addition, watch different comedians and figure out what they do to get a few belly laughs.

What you’ll find is that, no matter what type of humour is used, a successful performance is all about the delivery.

Crafting a Comical Speech

There are a few things to be mindful of when writing a humorous presentation.

Find the funny  

First, you need to pick a topic to talk about.

When it comes down to it, you can use almost any subject matter for a humorous speech.

Some of the greatest material to use comes from personal stories. You could spin a story from a personal anecdote, or talk about the trials and tribulations of a friend or family member.


How many times have you heard stand-up comics regale an audience with the escapades of their children, or expose the comical side of the relationship they have with their spouse?

This is the stuff that works because people can relate to it, and may see themselves in your stories. It’s always funnier when some misadventure happens to someone else!

Write to amuse

When you’re writing your speech, start to think about your delivery.

Is there a particular turn of phrase, amusing alliteration or other play on words that’s sure to make the listeners smile?

Jot those down where they’re likely to have the biggest impact. Will delivering this content in the opening, as you finish up or somewhere else in between work best?

Remember to follow the formula for crafting any Toastmasters speech with a captivating opening, an interesting body and a memorable closing. 

14 Tips for Nailing a Humorous Speech

Here’s where the fun begins!

With a well-crafted speech designed to tell your tale in the funniest way, it’s time to focus on your delivery.

There are a range of tactics for engaging your audience no matter what type of talk you’re giving. Some of these can be applied, with a little modification.

Here are 14 terrific ways to deliver a humorous speech:

1. Pace perfectly

Proper pacing in any presentation is important. And, as you can appreciate, this is a critical component of giving a funny talk.

People need a bit of time to get the joke, right?

Leave a little dead air just after you’ve said something humorous. Some people might be chuckling right away while others will need more time to comprehend.

Either way, pausing strategically after a punch line is necessary for the humour to land well.

2. Funny fashion

Dressing up in an unusual outfit, or wearing a silly hat, is another way to amuse your audience.

This signals that they’re in for some original fun.

For instance, if you’re going to tell the story of a hysterical summer vacation you might consider coming on stage in shorts and sandals with a beach towel slung over your shoulder – if you have a snorkel and swimming fins you can wear, even better.

Just watch that you don’t trip, unless you’re going for a laugh for that too!

If your goal is to keep giving humorous speeches, wearing something funny could become your signature move.


One example is the comedian Steve Martin who became memorable for wearing what looked like an arrow through his head.

Anyway, you get the picture. This type of absurd humor can set you up for some laughs right away.

3. Present props

Props are another standard approach to holding an audience’s attention when giving a talk.

When presenting a humorous speech, you don’t have to necessarily bring something on stage that people laugh at immediately.

That’s one way to go, but the trick to being amusing is really in how you use the prop.

Maybe you’ve got a laughable tale about your pet parrot.

Rather than trying to incorporate the bird itself into your talk – which can be problematic on several levels – you could take a toy parrot on a perch with you on stage. Interacting with the fake bird will increase the comic value of your speech.

Another way to use props is to use them to demonstrate an activity.

For example, an amusing story about driving a car can be enhanced if you’re pretending to drive with an actual steering wheel between your hands.

4. Surprise with sound

There are several ways to use sound in a humorous speech.

The most obvious one may be to find a noise maker that has a novel sound. The selection here is endless, and only limited by what you’re able to find.

If you want to use a bell, there are dinner bells, bicycle bells, cow bells and other bells. Some different options are horns, shakers, kazoos, hand clappers and maracas.


You might also find a few items around your home that you can improvise with.

The other choice is to use your voice to make a sound effect. Getting back to that example of a driving anecdote, making ‘vroom, vroom’ sounds when you’re pretending to drive can add humour.

Again, the key here is in how you use sound. While the particular noise might be funny on its own, you’ll get more laughs if you time it appropriately in your speech.

If you plan to use the sound repeatedly to create more hilarity, just don’t overdo it!

5. Exaggerate expressions

Funny facial expressions are another tool for telling a funny tale.

An exaggerated look of surprise, with raised eyebrows and an open mouth, can make your delivery all the more uproarious.

Help your listeners really visualize what you went through in the anecdote you’re relating by emphasizing your reactions, and they’ll be laughing right along with you.

A shake of the head and a shoulder shrug can be added for extra effect.

6. Give grand gestures

This is along the same lines as really playing up your facial expressions .

Grand gestures, like throwing your arms out or reaching your hands high above you head, can add comedy to your speech.


Stretching your arms forward with open palms to the audience can show them that you’re imploring them to see things from your perspective.

As with other methods, such gestures should be well-timed during your talk to add the maximum amount of drama.

7. Perfect a posture

Body language can also be uproarious.

Think about what you want to communicate with your posture that will add to the humour in your presentation.

It could be that you want to express indignation, or incredulity, by standing with your hands on your hips. A slouching position could be used to indicate resignation.

Then again, you might want to come up with a uniquely funny posture that’s all your own.

Whatever you choose, be sure that it’s a posture that will make your speech all the more hysterical.

8. Woo with words

There are so many ingenious ways to employ language for added impact here.

Witty plays on words include alliterations, puns, phonetic mix-ups, obscure words, unusual sayings and more.

An intentional slip of the tongue, for example, like referring to a “funny story” as a “sunny foray” will initially catch people unawares.

However, once they’ve grasped the play on words, they’ll find it amusing and will be paying close attention to catch other examples.

Another move to try is to incorporate pet language for people or situations. Maybe you’re talking about a mischievous child and calling them “the little dickens” brings a smile.

You could also make up words, like calling your spouse the “nagagator” of your trip rather than the “navigator” if she keeps complaining that you’re not following her directions.

9. Vary voice volume

Here’s a strategy that you’ve probably found to be effective in other types of speeches.

Changing your voice volume for emphasis is a tried-and-true way to hold your listeners’ attention.

Modulate your voice to match what you’re saying at the time, and people will connect with the funny faster.

10. Act it out

Go through the motions of your story to show the comical side.

When you’re acting out a riotous routine, it can be very engaging for those present.

Make sure to move around and use the whole stage, and consider actually getting down into the theatre aisles beside the audience if it serves your purpose.

Pause your speech for a few moments while you complete the actions to make things more hysterical. If you’ve ever watched improv, you’ll know how well this can work.

Acting it out can include imitating voices to relate a conversation between two people.

You may have seen comedians do this to add hilarity when talking about an argument they had with their partner, for instance.

11. Display distraction

Here’s a more original idea to bring some fun to your presentation.

Try acting a little distracted. You may be thinking that this is exactly what not to do during a speech!


But if it’s used in a controlled fashion it can amp up the laughter.

One way is to just wander out on stage seemingly lost in your thoughts.

You could pretend to be reading something or talking aloud to yourself and then notice, with a start, that you’re not alone. You have an audience!

Another example is getting distracted a few times in the middle of your speech by something you see around you – like complementing an audience member on the colour of her sweater.

12. Make outlandish comparisons

This is a great way to use exaggeration to encourage your listeners to see the laughable side of things.

Making outlandish comparisons demonstrates your frustration, or extreme surprise, with the situation you’re explaining.

Say you’re talking about having to deal with a lot of dirty laundry. You could say that it was as though a landside had happened indoor with laundry overflowing out of the hamper and down the stairs.

A simpler example is saying that traffic was moving so slowly on the highway that it seemed you were driving backwards.

13. Use the rule of three

The rule of three can be employed several ways to increase the funny factor.

Basically, you can link three thoughts or ideas together. You might say that having children has taught you to appreciate life more, how to calm a crying baby and that your favourite activity is napping.

Make the last point a twist in an unexpected direction.

Creating a presentation that takes your audience through three similar occurrences is another way to use this method.

Maybe you want to tell a fishing story and each experience of trying to land a fish during your day out on the water builds on the last one. 

14. Be unexpected

Anything that’s weird, absurd or nonsensical falls into this category.

It should be quite unconnected to the talk you’re giving and is designed simply to get a laugh.

The best place for this is right at the beginning of your talk to prime the audience to be amused. You could also finish off with something unexpected to get a last laugh.

A few behavioural examples of this are funny walks, dancing and acrobatic tricks like riding a unicycle.

unicycle for speaking

Other ways to use the unexpected are to have dramatic music playing as you enter the stage or throw rose petals out into the audience.

A final tip is to harness the power of repetition.

It’s not just using the same noise makers a few times during your talk that can bump up the laughs. You can repeat a few of these other ideas as well.

Take care to use the right dosage of one or more of these ideas. Repeating what listeners found funny the first time, if done in moderation, can cause them to laugh even louder the next time.

Closing Comments on Delivery a Humorous Speech

Granted, there’s a lot to consider in performing a humorous speech.

So, take your time, do your research, select a good topic for your talk and get to work writing your best speech.

Practice is really important in preparing to deliver this sort of speech. That’s where you can try out one or more of the delivery approaches and see what seems to fit best.

Having said that, plan to step outside your comfort zone a bit and experiment with different ways to deliver your presentation.

After all, being brave and stretching your skills is what Toastmasters is all about!

Be advised, the rewards can be remarkable when you see what joy and downright laugh-out-loud humor your speech has brought to people. Related: How to Write a Tall Tale Speech

100+ 2 Minute Speech Topics For Students [Updated]

2 minute speech topics for students

  • Post author By admin
  • February 23, 2024
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Public speaking can be a daunting task for many students. Whether it’s presenting in front of a classroom or speaking at an event, the thought of standing up and delivering a speech can make even the most confident individuals feel nervous. However, mastering the art of public speaking is an invaluable skill that can benefit students in various aspects of their lives. In this blog, we’ll explore the importance of 2 minute speech topics for students and provide a comprehensive guide to help them excel in this endeavor.

Table of Contents

Importance of 2-Minute Speeches

Time management is crucial in today’s fast-paced world, and learning how to effectively communicate ideas within a short time frame is a valuable skill. 2-minute speeches challenge students to condense their thoughts and ideas into a concise format, teaching them the importance of prioritizing information and delivering it efficiently. 

Additionally, shorter speeches help students develop their attention-span, as they must find creative ways to engage their audience and convey their message effectively in a limited amount of time.

Moreover, regular practice with short speeches can significantly improve students’ overall public speaking abilities, boosting their confidence and communication skills.

How to Select 2 Minute Speech Topics For Students?

Selecting 2-minute speech topics for students can be a thoughtful process. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you choose the perfect topic:

  • Identify Interests: Encourage students to consider their interests, hobbies, or areas of expertise. Topics they’re passionate about are more likely to engage both them and their audience.
  • Relevance: Choose topics that are relevant to the audience’s interests, current events, or issues that affect their lives. This ensures the speech resonates with the listeners.
  • Audience Consideration: Consider the audience’s demographics and preferences. Select topics that are appropriate and interesting to the specific audience you’ll be addressing.
  • Clarity and Depth: Opt for topics that can be explored within a 2-minute timeframe. Ensure the topic is narrow enough to cover adequately but broad enough to provide depth and insight.
  • Impactful and Thought-Provoking: Select topics that have the potential to evoke emotions, spark discussions, or inspire action. Thought-provoking topics encourage critical thinking and engagement from the audience.
  • Personal Connection: Encourage students to choose topics that they have a personal connection to or experiences with. Sharing personal anecdotes or insights can make the speech more authentic and relatable.
  • Diversity: Promote diversity in topic selection. Encourage students to explore a range of subjects, including social issues, science and technology, arts and culture, environment, education, and more.
  • Relevance to Learning Objectives: Align the topic selection with the learning objectives or goals of the assignment or curriculum. Ensure that the chosen topics allow students to demonstrate their understanding and skills effectively.
  • Originality: Encourage creativity and originality in topic selection. Encourage students to think outside the box and explore unique or less-discussed subjects to capture the audience’s attention.
  • Practice and Feedback: After selecting a topic, encourage students to practice delivering their speech and seek feedback from peers or mentors. This helps refine the content and delivery for maximum impact.

By following these guidelines, students can select 2-minute speech topics that are engaging, relevant, and impactful, allowing them to effectively communicate their ideas and connect with their audience.

100+ 2 Minute Speech Topics For Students

  • The Importance of Kindness in Daily Life
  • Benefits of Regular Exercise
  • Overcoming Adversity: Lessons Learned
  • Impact of Social Media on Relationships
  • Environmental Conservation: Small Actions, Big Impact
  • The Power of Positivity
  • Exploring Cultural Diversity
  • Importance of Time Management for Students
  • My Role Model and Why They Inspire Me
  • Breaking Stereotypes: Embracing Individuality
  • The Influence of Music on Mood
  • The Art of Effective Communication
  • Benefits of Volunteering in the Community
  • Overcoming Fear of Failure
  • Cyberbullying: Recognizing and Preventing It
  • The Beauty of Diversity in Nature
  • Healthy Eating Habits for a Balanced Life
  • Importance of Mental Health Awareness
  • Pursuing Your Passions: Finding Fulfillment
  • The Impact of Technology on Education
  • Respecting Differences: Embracing Inclusion
  • Tips for Effective Study Techniques
  • Importance of Setting Goals
  • Coping with Stress in High School
  • Benefits of Learning a Second Language
  • The Power of a Smile
  • Exploring Career Options: Finding Your Path
  • Benefits of Outdoor Activities for Physical Health
  • Overcoming Procrastination: Getting Things Done
  • Building Resilience in Challenging Times
  • The Role of Education in Shaping Society
  • Importance of Financial Literacy for Teens
  • Developing Leadership Skills in Student Life
  • Impact of Positive Role Models on Youth
  • The Value of Friendship in Adolescence
  • Environmental Sustainability: Individual Responsibility
  • Overcoming Peer Pressure: Making Smart Choices
  • The Joy of Reading: Unlocking Imagination
  • Recognizing and Appreciating Teachers
  • The Power of Empathy in Building Relationships
  • Benefits of Mindfulness and Meditation
  • Navigating Social Media: Staying Safe Online
  • Exploring Career Opportunities in STEM Fields
  • Overcoming Self-Doubt: Believing in Yourself
  • The Importance of Cultural Awareness
  • Tips for Effective Public Speaking
  • Benefits of Adopting a Pet
  • The Impact of Positive Affirmations on Self-Confidence
  • Digital Citizenship: Responsible Online Behavior
  • Celebrating Diversity in Friendship
  • Importance of Sleep for Academic Success
  • Overcoming Challenges Through Perseverance
  • The Power of Gratitude in Daily Life
  • Benefits of Teamwork in Achieving Goals
  • The Role of Family in Shaping Values
  • Exploring Creativity Through Art and Music
  • The Significance of Volunteer Work in Society
  • Developing Critical Thinking Skills
  • Tips for Effective Time Management
  • Overcoming Obstacles: Turning Failure into Success
  • The Impact of Social Media Influencers
  • Cultivating a Growth Mindset
  • The Importance of Recycling for a Sustainable Future
  • Benefits of Positive Affirmations for Mental Health
  • The Role of Technology in Environmental Conservation
  • Exploring Different Learning Styles
  • Overcoming Test Anxiety: Strategies for Success
  • Benefits of Participating in Sports
  • The Power of Positive Self-Talk
  • Importance of Respecting Others’ Opinions
  • Strategies for Conflict Resolution
  • The Impact of Role Models on Career Choices
  • Exploring Cultural Traditions and Celebrations
  • Overcoming Negative Body Image: Embracing Self-Acceptance
  • The Benefits of Traveling and Cultural Exchange
  • The Influence of Peer Groups on Behavior
  • Building Confidence Through Public Speaking
  • Importance of Setting Boundaries in Relationships
  • The Role of Nutrition in Mental Health
  • Benefits of Journaling for Personal Growth
  • The Impact of Social Media on Body Image
  • Strategies for Overcoming Procrastination
  • The Power of Resilience in Adversity
  • Tips for Effective Conflict Resolution
  • Benefits of Positive Affirmations for Self-Esteem
  • Exploring Different Career Paths
  • Overcoming Shyness: Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone
  • The Importance of Self-Care Practices
  • Benefits of Outdoor Education Programs
  • The Role of Empathy in Building Stronger Communities
  • Strategies for Building Healthy Relationships
  • Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Recognizing Your Worth
  • The Impact of Social Media on Mental Health
  • Benefits of Learning from Failure
  • The Power of Visualization in Goal Setting
  • Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
  • Importance of Seeking Help for Mental Health Issues
  • The Role of Resilience in Academic Success
  • Benefits of Adopting a Growth Mindset
  • The Impact of Positive Role Models on Self-Confidence
  • Strategies for Overcoming Test Anxiety
  • Benefits of Practicing Gratitude Daily
  • The Power of Positive Thinking in Achieving Goals
  • Tips for Building Resilience in Challenging Times
  • Importance of Building a Support Network for Mental Health.

Ways To Structure 2 Minutes Speech

Structuring a 2-minute speech effectively is essential to ensure that your message is clear, concise, and engaging. Here are several ways to structure a 2-minute speech:

Introduction (10-15 seconds)

  • Start with a hook or attention-grabber to capture the audience’s interest.
  • Introduce yourself and briefly preview the topic you’ll be discussing.
  • State the main purpose or thesis of your speech.

Main Points (45-60 seconds)

  • Organize your speech into two or three main points that support your thesis.
  • Dedicate roughly equal time to each main point.
  • Provide supporting evidence, examples, or anecdotes for each point to reinforce your arguments.
  • Use transitions to smoothly move from one point to the next, maintaining the flow of your speech.

Conclusion (15-20 seconds)

  • Summarize the main points you’ve discussed, reinforcing your thesis.
  • End with a strong closing statement or call to action that leaves a lasting impression on the audience.
  • Avoid introducing new information in the conclusion; instead, focus on reinforcing key takeaways.

Optional: Opening Story or Quote (10-15 seconds)

  • Begin your speech with a relevant story, anecdote, or quote that sets the tone for your topic.
  • Ensure that the opening relates directly to the main points you’ll be discussing and serves to engage the audience from the start.

Optional: Visual Aid or Prop (if applicable)

  • If appropriate for your topic, consider using a visual aid or prop to enhance your speech.
  • Keep visual aids simple and relevant, using them to complement your verbal message rather than distract from it.

Optional: Audience Interaction (if applicable)

  • Engage the audience by asking a rhetorical question, prompting them to reflect on their own experiences, or inviting them to participate in a brief activity related to your topic.
  • Be mindful of time constraints and ensure that any audience interaction enhances rather than detracts from the overall structure of your speech.

Remember to practice your speech multiple times to ensure that you can deliver it comfortably within the 2-minute timeframe. Focus on clarity, coherence, and confidence in your delivery, and be prepared to adapt if you find that certain sections of your speech are taking longer than anticipated. 

With careful planning and rehearsal, you can structure a compelling and effective 2-minute speech that effectively conveys your message to the audience.

Mastering the art of 2 minute speeches is a valuable skill that can benefit students in various aspects of their lives. By learning how to effectively communicate ideas within a short timeframe, students can improve their time management, attention span, and overall public speaking abilities.

By choosing the right 2 minute speech topics for students, structuring their speech effectively, and delivering it with confidence, students can excel in this endeavor and become successful communicators.

So, embrace opportunities for public speaking, practice regularly, and watch as your confidence and communication skills soar.

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  • 188 funny how-to speech topics

Funny how-to speech topics

188 funny topics for a demonstration speech

By:  Susan Dugdale   | Last modified: 11-22-2023

Give us some funny how-to speech topics! None of your bore them to snoring speech ideas. We want funny, chucklesome ones. Ones to make them smile.☺

And you've got them: 188 funny how-to speech ideas, plus a printable outline document to help you efficiently plan your speech, and a completed example of a funny how-to speech outline to show you how it might be done.

Use the page index links to jump to the section you want.

What's on this page?

  • Defining funny and choosing a topic
  • How to yarn bomb with aplomb and 25 more topic ideas
  • How to dance like no one is watching and 27 other suggestions
  • How to enter hobby horse riding competitions and win and 27 more
  • How to make pumpkins feel OK about being carved for Halloween and 25 more funny how to speech ideas
  • How to be a hero to your children and 24 more
  • How to interpret the decor of a room. What does it say about a person? and 25 more speech topic suggestions
  • How to speak fluent emoji and 27 more funny how to speech ideas
  • Printable funny how-to speech outline document
  • Example of a funny how-to speech outline
  • Links to more demonstration speech resources
  • Links to onsite resources for working with humor

Defining 'funny' and choosing a topic

Funny doesn't necessarily mean laughing out loud, helpless giggling or crying because something is just so, so hilarious. 

Funny can also be quiet smiles and a chuckle of appreciation.

You'll find opportunities for all shapes and sizes of it here from pure slapstick through to ridiculous absurdism. 

As you move through the topic suggestions look for possibilities to play with and extend strengths you may already have. 

Do you move well? What about a topic like, " How to dance like no one's watching"? You could teach some exaggerated dance moves and get your audience up and moving.

Or "How to master the art of silly walking". That too offers audience involvement opportunities.

Can you do straight face? Or dead pan? Yes? What about a totally daft topic that you take utterly seriously? One like: "How to take a perfect selfie: share funny tips on posing, lighting, and editing for Instagram-worthy photos."

Or "How to make pumpkins feel OK about being carved for Halloween". I can see the pumpkins being counselled, spoken to gently, being listened to... ☺

Some are soft skills , and some are hard.  Whatever you choose, I hope you have fun! 

Return to Top

Image: tree that has been colorfully yarn bombed! Text: How to yarn bomb with aplomb - 188 funny how to speech topics.

  • How to yarn bomb with aplomb
  • How to mirror write
  • How to flatter a person effectively
  • How to pretend you're a statue
  • How to convince your cat you speak meow
  • How to speak and sound intelligent despite knowing very little about the subject you’re talking about
  • How to survive a visit to the dentist
  • How to dumpster dive – the top tips on how to find real treasure
  • How to know if you're a genius
  • How to master the art of topiary – turn your hedge into a row of trumpeting elephants today!
  • How to meet and interview a famous person
  • How to successfully cram for an exam
  • How to work the room – the fine art of mixing and mingling
  • How to recognize a true friend at first glance
  • How to deal with invasion of mice in your pantry
  • How to convince your car it's a Transformer
  • How to amuse yourself while you are stuck in a traffic jam
  • How to amuse your co-workers with secret pranks
  • How to interpret your parent's body language - when to stay, when to run and when to ask for something.
  • How to create the perfect piece of modern art
  • How to win a creative dog grooming competition
  • How to master the art of silly walking
  • How to appear interested when you are most definitely not 
  •  How, when and why to pretend you're an alien ambassador from another planet 
  •  How to know which is the correct item of cutlery to use – a guide 
  •  How to tell if your house is haunted

Image: person dancing holding a bright blue umbrella in a black and white forest. Text: How to dance like no one's watching. 188 funny how to speech topics.

  • How to audition successfully for a role as a zombie – Your top tips: how to dress, how to make yourself up, how to move, how to speak, what to say...
  • How to dance like no one's watching – Get them up and moving. Teach some hilariously exaggerated dance moves.
  • How to train your pet rock – Give a humorous guide on pet rock obedience training.
  • How to make the perfect peanut butter & jelly sandwich – Share absurdly detailed steps for this simple snack.
  • How to thoroughly annoy your siblings – Offer tongue-in-cheek suggestions for the fine art of sibling irritation.
  • How to speak fluent gibberish – Provide tips on creating your own nonsensical language. Have your audience try them out.
  • How to fake a good night's sleep – Humorous tips for looking well-rested when you're not.
  • How to be the world's worst secret agent – Share comically ineffective espionage techniques.
  • How to survive a boring meeting – Offer satirical advice on enduring tedious gatherings.
  • How to master the art of procrastination - With the best of the worst humorous excuses.
  • How to know if someone is telling you a lie 
  •  How to become a respected member of the fashion police 
  •  How to get a date with person of your dreams 
  •  How to create extraordinary and fantastical looks with make up
  • How to guarantee failing a driving test (with comical mistakes).
  • How to create the perfect bedhead hairstyle (including outrageous hair tricks).
  • How to be a cat whisperer (demonstrating absurd cat communication).
  • How to become a couch potato (exaggerating the art of lounging).
  • How to be the best of the worst karaoke singer: Demonstrate hilarious vocal blunders and off-key singing for a good laugh.
  • How to survive a haunted house tour: Share humorous tips on navigating a spooky attraction with bravery.
  • How to look busy at work: Provide amusing techniques for appearing productive while actually doing nothing.
  • How to fake being a chef: Share comical tips on making restaurant-quality meals with minimal effort.
  • How to train your pet bird to talk and perform cunning tricks.
  • How to master the art of parallel parking (and make it look easy).
  • How to embarrass your kids in 5 easy steps: Offer funny and light-hearted advice on embarrassing your children with love.
  • How to win an argument with your pet: Share a tongue-in-cheek guide to persuading your furry friends to see things your way.
  • How to speak "teenager": Translate popular slang and expressions used by today's youth.
  • How to take a perfect selfie: share funny tips on posing, lighting, and editing for Instagram-worthy photos.

Image: two small children wearing cowboy clothes riding hobby horses. Text: How to enter hobby horse riding competitions and win. 188 funny how to speech topics.

  • How to enter hobby horse riding competitions and win
  • How to moo like a cow
  • How to speak fluent boomer 
  • How to choose a character to cosplay
  • How to cunningly divert attention away from yourself
  • How to organize a karaoke night
  • How to fail at DIY – examples – the woeful stories of plumbing disasters, glue that stuck fingers, or worse, together, tie-dye T-shirts that ran in wash turning everything pink...
  • How to interpret your daily horoscope
  • How to convince your friends to do your homework for you
  • How to tease your siblings
  • How to teach your dog new tricks
  • How to become professional at doing nothing
  • How to dress to impress
  • How, and why, to start a flash mob – the ultimate in distractions
  • How to tell if someone is really in love with you
  • How to look confident and self-assured in all situations
  • How to get other people to pay for your meal or your drinks when you’re out with them
  • How to make a meal out of leftovers
  • How to tell jokes really well
  • How to use a cardboard box creatively – turn it into a child’s playhouse, a racing car...
  • How to get your parents to agree to extending your curfew
  • How to survive a long-haul economy class flight
  • How to avoid having to accept adult responsibilities
  • How to pretend you're a superhero in disguise
  • How to convincingly explain to your parents why the car got dented
  • How to talk yourself into learning to walk a high wire
  • How to recycle (regift) unwanted Christmas presents without causing offence
  • How to find and release your inner rock star

Image: wallpaper - smiling carved pumpkins and black bats. Text: How to make pumpkins feel OK about being carved for Halloween. 188 funny how to speech topics.

  • How to make pumpkins feel OK about being carved for Halloween
  • How to survive a road trip with children – (Are we there yet?) 
  •  How to build a great pillow fort under the table 
  •  How to eavesdrop successfully on other people’s conversations 
  •  How to fake it until you make it 
  •  How to survive giving a children’s tea party 
  •  How to disagree with your boss without getting fired
  • How to plagiarize an essay and not get caught 
  •  How to cheat creatively on your tests 
  •  How to remember people’s names and how to cover when you don't
  • How to become a gossip columnist 
  •  How to make your houseplants feel like royalty 
  •  How to become famous for telling terrible puns 
  •  How to successfully fake being a psychic fortune teller
  • How to get a child to eat their vegetables 
  •  How to successfully photo-bomb or news raid
  • How to know if you're living in the wrong era 
  •  How to teach your Grandparents how to use their cellphones well 
  •  How to make the best funny faces to amuse a child
  • How to become a secret agent 
  •  How to impress by speaking in pirate lingo 
  •  How to tell the best dad jokes
  • How to annoy your GPS navigation system 
  •  How to become a business class time traveler 
  •  How to communicate using telepathy 
  •  How to win friends and influence people

Image: woman wearing a super woman costume. Text: How to be a hero for your children. 188 funny how to speech topics.

  • How to be a hero for your children
  • How to dress your dog stylishly
  • How to fake a foreign accent for fun
  • How to make friends with your lawn mower, your washing machine or some other household appliance.
  • How to become a stand-up comedian
  • How to become a professional thumb wrestler
  • How to embarrass yourself – true stories
  • How to win a pillow fight championship
  • How to start a food fight for fun
  • How to start a fashion craze
  • How to throw a convincing temper tantrum – lessons I learned from my two year old.
  • How to train your dog to fetch the remote
  • How to strategically ask for favours and get them
  • How to be the life of the party
  • How to recover from publicly embarrassing yourself
  • How to annoy your parents with bad jokes
  • How to be a mind reader
  • How to interpret a person’s character through observing their table manners
  • How to convince your teacher someone really did steal your assignment
  • How to develop a hobby or interest that will make you fascinating to others
  • How to teach your little sister (or brother) to blow bubbles
  • How to survive a zombie apocalypse
  • How to eat spaghetti politely
  • How to make sure you inherit another person’s wealth
  • How to lie with confidence

Image: elaborate drawing room interior. Text: How to interpret the decor of a room. What does it say about a person? 188 funny how to speech topics.

  • How to interpret the decor of a room. What does it say about a person?
  • How to hide your chocolate stash from kids
  • How to be the world's worst tourist
  • How to survive an awkward visit to relatives
  • How to effectively avoid being asked to do chores
  • How to speak ‘dog’ fluently – woof, woof, arf...
  • How to annoy your roommate without getting caught
  • How to turn your mother into an Influencer
  • How to be the best worst dancer at the party
  • How to make your pet Instagram famous
  • How to and why to develop a poker face at family gatherings
  • How to over analyse a text message – what did she/he/they really mean?
  • How to interpret the shapes of the clouds in the sky? What do they foretell?
  • How to find proof of genius in your child’s drawings
  • How to create the perfect excuse note
  • How to blame shift with subtlety and elegance
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  • How to use mime to get out of difficult situations
  • How to master and perfect the art of awkward silences
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  • How to use a brick creatively: 10 alternative things to do with a brick – use it as a window prop, a door stop, a weight, pretend it’s a phone
  • How to avoid making eye contact with a person you don’t want to talk to

Image: large collection of emojis. Text: How to speak fluent emoji. 188 funny how to speech topics

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  • How to master the fine art of sarcasm: a crash course for beginners
  • How to master the art of napping wherever you are
  • How to speak fluent Emoji
  • How to get out of unwanted conversations
  • How to bath a puppy
  • How to give medicine to a cat (without getting scratched to pieces.)
  • How to win an argument with a rose bush
  • How to write a self-help book for compulsive collectors of curious things: shoes for left feet, nail parings, ball point pens, salt and pepper shakers...
  • How to live through a date with a vampire
  • How to watch a horror movie by yourself without freaking out 
  •  How to become the next supermodel 
  •  How to fail a job interview spectacularly 
  •  How to take the perfect selfie with your pet 
  •  How to behave like a star in a soap opera 
  •  How to win at rock-paper-scissors every time 
  •  How to start a dance party in an elevator 
  •  How to learn to ride a bike no-hands 
  •  How to get through a day without wi-fi 
  •  How to speak fluent toddler
  • How to become a superhero's sidekick 
  •  How to have a meaningful conversation with a tinfoil hat wearer 
  •  How to interpret the way a person walks. What does it tell you about their character? 
  •  How to translate a Shakespearean soliloquy into Valley Girl
  • How to become a ghost hunter
  • How to fake being a hypnotist 
  •  How to play fantastic air guitar 
  •  How to teach yourself to change your opinion about someone or something– to go from loathing to loving

Printable funny how to speech outline document

To make planning your speech easier, here's a printable funny how to speech outline document (pdf). To download it click on the image below. (It will open in a new window.)

Image: 2 rows of emojis on a yellow background. Text: Click to download a printable funny how to speech outline document

Example of a funny how to speech outline

My example speech outline, below, follows the pattern I've used in the printable. The heading for each section has been  bolded .

Title of speech : How to write perfect excuse notes.

General purpose : to entertain or amuse while giving a 'soft skill' * , 'show and tell' or demonstration speech.

Specific purpose : to demonstrate, with humor, how to write an effective excuse note. 

Central idea (thesis statement) : to show how putting some thought and time into preparing an excuse note can lessen the fallout or damage caused by not doing whatever it was that you were expected to.

For example: come to school or work, come at the required time, hand in an assignment, or arrive with the right equipment and wearing the right clothes.

* Soft skills -also known as power skills, common skills, essential skills, or core skills, are skills applicable to all professions. For more this Wikipedia definition and explanation .

Speech introduction - what's your hook?

There are quite a number of ways to hook an audience - to make them sit up and want to listen from moment you open your mouth. These include using a startling statistic, asking a rhetorical question, sharing a compelling story, using an apt quotation or showing an interesting visual aid.

Which attention grabber will you use?

Attention grabber(s)

Rhetorical question:

How effective do you think these excuse notes were?

3 examples of notes:

  • "Jimmy will be absent from school on Mondays until further notice. Adding an extra day to the weekend will lower his stress levels, as well as ours. We believe mental health is important." 
  • "Stephanie had to stay at home yesterday because she had to wash and dry her hair."
  • "Brook's kid brother barfed on her book. We couldn't clean it and had to throw it out." 

The next section is about establishing your authority or right to talk on your chosen subject. Why should your audience listen to you? How much do know about the topic? What experience have you had?

Credibility builders:

I taught teenagers for many years, and these are examples of excuse notes that were given to me.

I got literally 1000s and some were way more effective than others.

The majority of them were very ordinary: with nothing distinguishing them at all. They served their purpose. I filed and forgot them.

However, sometimes parents, caregivers or the student unintentionally excelled themselves. Their very funny notes were meant to be taken seriously no matter how cliched, far-fetched or ludicrous they were to me.

There is a definite limit to the number of grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, best friends... whose final act of kindness and consideration is to conveniently and suddenly die, how many times a person can be smitten by a horrible stomachache, a throbbing headache, or the dog can eat the homework.


So, what is a perfect excuse note? One that is believable. One that is concise, respectful in tone, and shows a responsible attitude: i.e. an understanding of the possible impact of not turning homework in, missing classes or not coming into work. It has also been proofread to pick up lapses in logic, spelling or grammatical errors, is formatted well and handed over prior to being prompted for it.

This, dear audience, is what you're going to find out more about today: how to craft an effective excuse note. One addressing why it was you failed to submit an assignment on time. 

Or one to help smooth over an absence, whether caused by genuinely unforeseen circumstances out of your personal control or by the simple desire to 'bunk off' - to not be where you are supposed to be, just because. And let's face it, who hasn't been tempted to do that occasionally?

An excuse note prepared well helps maintain mutual trust and respect while hopefully minimizing any possible negative consequences. Knowing how to write one is a valuable essential skill.

The next section, a transition, takes us into the body of speech. The body is the heart or main part of the speech where you fulfill its primary purpose: to show or teach your audience how to write perfect excuse notes - step by step.

(The remaining parts/steps of this outline are mostly in note form. They'll need additional fleshing out to make them into a followable, interesting, funny speech.)   

Transition : Are you ready? Let's get on with it.

Body of speech

Step One: Know your audience

Understanding who you are addressing in your note is essential if you want the note to work for you, rather than against you. Example.

  • What does the person receiving the note need from you? - a believable reason for either your absence, or not handing in your assignment - an assurance that whatever duties etc. you were supposed to fulfil and didn't will be made up for. Examples. 
  • Depending on the circumstances, a doctor's certificate, to verify what you say in your note. 
  • What do they expect in an excuse note from you? - honesty, accuracy, respect, understanding of the possible implications of the event on them.
  • When do they need the note? - as soon as possible.


Step Two: What NOT to do The majority of funny excuse notes are funny by accident. Their writers did not intend them to be amusing. They knew no better. Literally. 

Here's a list of common pitfalls to avoid.

  • Oversharing - Whoever is on the receiving end of your note does not need to know all the intimate-up-close-and-personal details of what happened. Or who said what to who about it and how. What's needed is a concise, clear summary or account. Example of over sharing and the same example rewritten concisely.
  • Vagueness - using language that avoids naming or giving the reason necessitating an excuse note. Examples of vagueness - due to unforeseen circumstances, events beyond my control
  • Fake information - deliberately providing false information for whatever reason. Once lying is found out it can be difficult to rebuild trust. 
  • Informality - blurring boundaries between positions, for example, student and teacher, parent of student and teacher, employee and employer, by using colloquial language that is generally used between friends and acquaintances. It shows a lack of understanding about the nature of the relationship. Examples - Hey bro, etc., ...
  • Lack of proof-reading - reading over to pick up typos, words that have been left out by accident, inconsistencies - details that don't logically line up as they should, missing information - signature, contact details, dates etc. Examples.
  • Poor presentation/formatting - the note should be easily read. Choose a clean clear font, black ink, white paper and space it properly. Examples showing poor v good.

Transition: While it might be amusing to get inadequately prepared excuse notes the consequences for the writer may not be so funny. To dodge that possibility, let's prepare two good excuse notes which you can use as guides. 

Step Three: Crafting the perfect note

Prepare example excuse notes:

  • from a parent to a teacher to cover their child not handing in an assignment
  • from an employee to an employer to cover unexpected absence from work
  • Gathering necessary information - name of the person the note is to go, reason for the note: illness, family emergency, severe weather event (flooding, snowstorm...), transport breakdown, appointment with medical specialist, lawyer, dentist..., specific dates it covers, contact details
  • Outline of what will/has been done to minimize impact - delegation of tasks, rescheduling of meetings, arrangement made to catch up on completing the assignment...
  • Content, Tone and Proofreading/formatting check   Is the note clear and concise? Does it cover everything it should? Is the tone of the language appropriate? Are there any spelling errors, word omissions or lapses in logic? Has the note been formatted well?  

Example of note from parent to teacher

Example of note from employee to employer

Transition: The final results of this process will never be as ridiculously silly as some of the reasons I've been given or the ones we can find online:  "Someone stole all my shoes." or "My dog is depressed, and this morning he finally summoned the courage to tell me about it. I have to stay at home to support him.".

We won't be rolling in the aisles reading them. However, they'll achieve much more than a laugh at some else's expense will ever do. 

Conclusion: Wrapping it up

Part one: summary

Writing a perfect excuse note is an essential and learnable skill.

Part two: benefit recall

A well-crafted excuse note demonstrates professionalism, maturity, and the ability to take responsibility. It shows respect, creates continuity, and builds mutual trust. 

Part three: call to action

The next time you need to write an excuse note make sure you go above and beyond the joke!

Other resources for how-to speeches

For more about demonstration or how-to speeches:

  • Demonstration speeches step-by-step | how to give a successful 'how-to' or 'show and tell' demonstrative speech.
  • Demonstration speech sample outline - an example that follows the logical step-by-step process that is essential for any "how to" type of speech.

For demonstration speech topic ideas - 100s of suggestions, including 50 on soft skills - how to say 'no' politely, how to handle a temper tantrum, how to be gracious in defeat...

Other resources for working with humor

Image: retro cartoon drawing of a young handsome man laughing and pointing. Text: ha, ha, ha.

Humor is notoriously tricky to get right because one person's funny is another person's not. And when we do get it wrong, it can be very difficult to recover and win back the audience's attention.

  • How to use humor effectively in speeches  - 6 tips with examples. What gets a laugh? What doesn't and, why?
  • Laughter as strategy - The 7 pillars of humor for impactful business presentations (Article by Damien Gauthier - Impactful Speaking)

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  • Bueller? Bueller?
  • Movies That Are Best for Quoting
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The Funniest Famous Movie Speeches Of All Time

William Neckard

Some of the funniest movie speeches ever, not surprisingly, can be found in some of the most hilarious classic film comedies. Whether it's Bluto trying to be motivational by rallying his frat brothers in the comedic Animal House , Ferris' many speeches to the camera in Ferris Bueller's Day Off  or Groucho Marx entertaining a room filled with party-goers in Animal Crackers , these funny movie speeches represent the best of the best where hilarity is concerned. Check out inspiring movie speeches and the best tough guy monologues , too! 

Limiting a list of funny monologues from movies was a challenge– while most of these are from comedy movies, others are from funny parts of more serious movies. I'm sure I left off some of your favorites, so if I did, please add them. This is an Open List, meaning anyone can contribute. Please do! And while you're here, vote on your favorites, too.

What are some famous funny speeches? What are the funniest movie speeches ever? Looking for more movie speeches and monologues? Check out this list of the most inspiring movie speeches and this list of the best, most famous movie monologues for fun!

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. A lot of people will tell you that a phony fever is a dead lock, but if you get a nervous mother, you could land in the doctor's office. That's worse than school. What you do is: you fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

I did have a test today. That wasn't bulls**t. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist? They could be fascist anarchists - that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism, for that matter. Isms, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism - he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles - I just believe in me." A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum rides off of people.

Matthew Broderick delivers a series of really clever, genuinely funny speeches straight into the camera in 1986's Ferris Bueller's Day Off . Hard to pick a favorite, but this might be it!

  • Dig Deeper... Behind The Scenes Of The Famous Parade Scene In 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'
  • # 4 of 112 on The 100+ Best Movies About High School
  • # 35 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-a**, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s*** he is! Hallelujah!

More Clark Griswold, you say? Why yes, of course. Second best Clark Griswold flip-out ever, this one from 1989's Christmas Vacation .

  • Dig Deeper... The Funniest Lines From 'Christmas Vacation'
  • # 1 of 126 on The Best Christmas Movies Of All Time
  • # 24 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies


So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all "What about the strain on our resources?" But it's like, when I had this garden party for my father's birthday right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that like, did not R.S.V.P. so I was like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings, but by the end of the day it was like, the more the merrier! And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty?

Cher's speech to the class expressing her unique views on Haitian immigrants in 1995's Clueless  is definitely interesting. Clueless  is a great comedy - and, in my opinion, pretty underrated.

  • Dig Deeper... 15 Behind-The-Scenes Facts About 'Clueless'
  • And Deeper... The House Party In 'Clueless' Was Even Wilder Behind The Scenes
  • And Deeper... The Best Outfits from Clueless

Happy Gilmore

Happy Gilmore

My name is Happy Gilmore. Ever since I was old enough to skate, I loved hockey... wasn't the greatest skater though. But that didn't stop my dad from teaching me the secret of slapping the greatest slapshot. My dad worshiped hockey, my mom didn't, that's why she moved to Egypt, where there's not a hockey rink within 15 hundred miles. Dad always took me to games to cheer for our favorite player, Terry O'Riley, the Tazmanian Devil. He wasn't the biggest guy in the league, but he feared nobody, just like me. Handsome fellow huh? He always said that when I grew up I could be anything I wanted to be, but I never wanted to be anything but a hockey player. Yeah my childhood was going great, but life is full of surprises. After the funeral, I was sent to live with my grandma in Waterberry. I was kinda nervous since I really didn't know her that well, but she dressed like Gene Simmons from KISS to cheer me up, she's the sweetest person in the world. See after my dad died I developed kinda a short fuse. You see that kid over there just stole my party blower, and instead of asking for it back, I felt that I had to belt him in the head a bunch of times with a hammer. Look at me go. But I was always quick to say I was sorry. During high school I played junior hockey and still hold two league records; most time spent in the penalty box, and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab someone. After I graduated I had a lot of different jobs; I was a road worker, a janitor, a security guard, a gas station attendant, and a plumber. Lately I've been working construction, it's not a bad racket, I'm a pretty good shot with a nail gun, but one day my boss, Mr. Larson, uh got in the way. Apparently he also has a short fuse. Look at that monster. He got a few lucky punches in there, but I still feel I won the fight. Anyways, those other jobs weren't for me. I was put on this planet for one reason, to play hockey.

Adam Sandler's 1996 comedy Happy Gilmore  is a hilarious movie, and Happy's explanation here about why he was put on the Earth to play hockey is a classic example.

  • Dig Deeper... 'Happy Gilmore' Is Secretly A Drama About Dealing With Loss And Grief
  • # 76 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
  • # 15 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films


I think you’re all f**ked in the head. We’re ten hours from the f**king fun park and you want to bail out! Well, I’ll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation, it’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much f**king fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our g*d damn smiles! You’ll be whistling "Zippity Doo Da" out of your a**holes! (laughs) I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy s***!

Clark Griswold is barely hanging on, and in this hilarious bit from 1983's Vacation , Chevy Chase delivers without question one of the funniest rants from any comedy movie ever.

  • # 161 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
  • # 31 of 399 on The Best Movies Of The 1980s, Ranked
  • # 8 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films


License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to lie back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.

Bill Murray's demented groundskeeper, Carl Spackler, in 1980's Caddyshack  is my favorite Murray character ever. His description of why gophers (aka Varmint Cong) must die is a classic.

  • Dig Deeper... Drug-Fueled Stories From Behind The Scenes Of 'Caddyshack'
  • # 120 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
  • # 7 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films

National Lampoon's Animal House

National Lampoon's Animal House

Over? Did you say 'over?!' Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! Come on! (runs out, nobody follows, runs back in) What the f**k happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? 'Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble.' Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...

Otter interrupts Bluto's motivational speech at this point, throwing his support behind his frat brother, even though he's "psychotic."

In this classic funny speech from 1978's Animal House , Bluto (John Belushi) has just learned that Dean Wormer has kicked them all out of school. His speech rallying tries his fraternity brothers together is one for the ages.

  • Dig Deeper... Behind The Scenes Stories From 'Animal House' That Are Way More Insane Than The Movie
  • # 227 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
  • # 21 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films

Blazing Saddles

Blazing Saddles

I don't know if you ever heard of me before, but I used to be called 'The Waco Kid.' I was just walking down the street, and I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it Mister!" I spun around and there I was face to face with a six-year-old kid. Well I just threw my guns down and walked away....little bastard shot me in the a**! So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.

Gene Wilder's Jim (The Waco Kid) delivers a hilarious speech explaining his history in 1974's Mel Brooks comedy Blazing Saddles .

  • Dig Deeper... 13 Behind-The-Scenes Stories From The Making Of 'Blazing Saddles'
  • # 32 of 288 on The 250+ Best Western Movies Of All Time
  • # 134 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!

Jane, it's me, Funny-face. You love Frank Drebin. And Frank Drebin loves you. Jane, listen to me, if you don't love me, you might as well pull that trigger, because without you, I wouldn't want to live anyway. 

I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils. It's a topsy-turvy world, Jane, and maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans, but this is our hill and these are our beans. Since I met you, I've noticed things I never knew were there - birds singing, dew glistening on a newly-formed leaf, stop lights. Jane, this morning, I bought something for you. It's not very much, but pretty good for an honest policeman's salary. It's an engagement ring. I'd have given it to you earlier, but I wanted to wait until we were alone. I love you, Jane.

Leslie Nielsen's speech of love at the end of The Naked Gun is not only funny, but heartwarming in a simple way.

  • # 359 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
  • # 86 of 399 on The Best Movies Of The 1980s, Ranked
  • # 13 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films

Animal Crackers

Animal Crackers

Friends, I'm going to to tell you of the great mysterious wonderful continent known as Africa. Africa, God's country. And he can have it...Well, sir, we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second. After fifteen days on the water and six on the boat we finally arrived on the shores of Africa.

We at once proceeded 300 miles into the heart of the jungle where I shot a polar bear. This bear was 6 foot 7 in his stocking feet and had shoes on. This bear was anemic and couldn't stand the cold climate. He was a rich bear and could afford to go away in the winter. From the day of our arrival we led an active life. The first morning saw us up at six, breakfasted, then back in bed at seven. This was our routine for the first three months. We finally got so we were back in bed at six-thirty.

One morning I was sitting in front of the cabin smoking some meat There wasn't a cigar store in the neighborhood. As I say, I was sitting in front of the cabin when I bagged six tigers. I bagged them, I bagged them to go away, but they hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistent tigers I've ever seen. The principal animals inhabiting the African jungle are moose, elk and Knights of Pythias .

Of course you all know what a moose is, that's big game. The first day I shot two bucks that was the biggest game we had. As I say you all know what a moose is? A moose runs around on the floor, and eats cheese and is chased by the cats. The elks on the other hand live up in the hills, and in the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come down to the water-hole; and you should see them run when they find it is only water-hole. What they're looking for is a elk-a-hole. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know. But that is entirely irreverent to what I was talking about. We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. But we're going back again in a couple of weeks...

Now, of course I had to include the Marx brothers on this list somehow. In this hilarious speech, Groucho Marx (as Captain Jeffrey Spaulding), describes his many adventures in Africa to a captive group of party-goers in the classic 1930 movie Animal Crackers .

  • # 209 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films
  • # 237 of 630 on The 600+ Funniest Movies Of All Time
  • # 15 of 48 on The 48 Best '30s Comedy Movies

The Big Lebowski

The Big Lebowski

Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was...he was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors, and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of southern California from La Jolla to Leo Carillo, and up to Pismo. He died.. he died as so many young men of his generation before his time, and in your wisdom, Lord, you took him. Just as you took so many bright, flowering young men at Khe San, and Lan Doc, and Hill 364. These young men gave their lives, and so did Donny. Donny who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos.. in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been....we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Goodnight, sweet prince.

Walter's eulogy for his buddy Donny in 1998's The Big Lebowski  goes horribly wrong (and yeah, he has to somehow tie all of this in to Vietnam). After this speech, delivered on a beautiful bluff, Walter (John Goodman) dumps Donny's ashes - which promptly blow all over The Dude.

  • Dig Deeper... 15 Behind-The-Scenes Stories From 'The Big Lebowski' That Show Why The Dude Abides
  • And Deeper... 'The Big Lebowski' Fan Theories That Really Tie The Film Together
  • # 279 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies

City Slickers

City Slickers

Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so quickly. When you're a teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt and muttering "how come the kids don't call?" By your eighties, you've had a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions? 

Mitch's career day speech at his kids' school in 1991's City Slickers  definitely deserves a spot of honor on this list. Billy Crystal is hysterical in this movie!

  • Dig Deeper... 9 Behind-The-Scenes Stories From 'City Slickers'
  • # 131 of 288 on The 250+ Best Western Movies Of All Time
  • # 81 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films

Raising Arizona

Raising Arizona

That night I had a dream. I dreamt I was as light as the ether, a floating spirit visiting things to come. The shades and shadows of the people in my life rassled their way into my slumber. I dreamt that Gale and Evelle had decided to return to prison. Probably that's just as well. I don't mean to sound superior, and they're a swell couple of guys, but maybe they weren't ready yet to come out into the world. And then I dreamed on, into the f*ture, to a Christmas morn in the Arizona home where Nathan Junior was opening a present from a kindly couple who preferred to remain unknown. I saw Glen a few years later, still having no luck getting the cops to listen to his wild tales about me and Ed. Maybe he threw in one Polack joke too many. I don't know. And still I dreamed on, further into the f*ture than I'd ever dreamed before, watching Nathan Junior's progress from afar, taking pride in his accomplishments, as if he were our own, wonderin' if he ever thought of us, and hopin' that maybe we'd broadened his horizons a little, even if he couldn't remember just how they got broadened. But still I hadn't dreamt nothin' about me 'n Ed, until the end. And this was cloudier, 'cause it was years, years away. But I saw an old couple bein' visited by their children, and all their grandchildren too. The old couple wasn't screwed up, and neither were their kids or their grandkids... And I don't know. You tell me. This whole dream, was it wishful thinkin'? Was I just fleeing reality like I know I'm liable to do? But me and Ed, we can be good, too. And it seemed real. It seemed like us, and it seemed like, well, our home. If not Arizona, then a land not too far away, where all parents are strong and wise and capable, and all children are happy and beloved. I don't know. Maybe it was Utah.

  • # 636 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
  • # 121 of 399 on The Best Movies Of The 1980s, Ranked
  • # 87 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films

Team America: World Police

Team America: World Police

See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, p*ssies and a**holes. P*ssies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to f*ck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your a**holes, Chuck. And all the a**holes want us to sh*t all over everything! So, p*ssies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because p*ssies get f*cked by dicks. But dicks also f*ck a**holes, Chuck. And if they didn't f*ck the a**holes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your p*ssy all covered in sh*t!

Random bar guy offers a downtrodden Gary a simple (and highly offensive) speech explaining how the world works in 2004's Team America: World Police .

  • # 8 of 61 on The Funniest Movies About Politics
  • # 434 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films
  • # 90 of 115 on 50+ Movies That Need Sequels

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids .

  • # 96 of 262 on The 200+ Best War Movies Of All Time
  • # 725 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
  • # 1 of 61 on The Funniest Movies About Politics


It was this brother who, on the day of her death, swore to the good Lord above that he would follow in her footsteps, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just owe it all up to her. But on her terms. As a woman. And just as proud to be a woman as she ever was. For I am not Emily Kimberly, the daughter of Dwayne and Alma Kimberly. No, I’m not. I’m Edward Kimberly, the reckless brother of my sister Anthea … Edward Kimberly, who has finally vindicated his sister’s good name. I’m Edward Kimberly. Edward Kimberly.

Dustin Hoffman delivers a hilarious speech in 1982's Tootsie , and you betcha he's on this list. Here, he decides he wants off of the soap opera (where he's been playing a woman, Dorothy). So he goes for the big reveal, letting everyone know that Dorothy is really Michael.

  • # 16 of 67 on The Best Movies Of 1982
  • # 548 of 772 on The Most Rewatchable Movies
  • # 390 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films

Annie Hall

After that, it got pretty late and we both had to go. But it was great seeing Annie again. And I realize what a terrific person she was and how much fun it was just knowing her. And I thought of that old joke. You know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, uh, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken.' And uh, the doctor says, 'Well, why don't you turn him in?' And the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.'

Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and - But uh, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.

  • # 59 of 96 on The Very Best Oscar-Winning Movies For Best Picture
  • # 561 of 702 on The All-Time Greatest Comedy Films
  • # 446 of 630 on The 600+ Funniest Movies Of All Time
  • Entertainment
  • Movie Quotes
  • Watchworthy

The greatest, funniest, and most iconic movie and TV quotes from your all-time favorite comedies (and a few you probably haven’t seen).

Movies That Are Best for Quoting

2 minute humorous speech

How to write a 2-minute speech.

2 minute humorous speech

Last week I sat in the audience at the annual Project Glimmer fundraising luncheon, proudly watching three powerful young women deliver powerful personal perspectives on Saying 'Yes', Dreaming Big, and Taking Back their Voice.

This was a really big deal and a really big moment. It was the first time the audience could hear directly from these girls and the way Project Glimmer supported them throughout their teen and tween years — they had finally turned 18.

When Chrissy Shea , CEO of Project Glimmer, approached me to support the girls with their speeches, she knew what she was doing. She has been orchestrating these events for more than a decade and knows that every minute counts. Each girl was given two minutes to share her story.

Two minutes is not a lot of time. Every word — every syllable — matters.

The speeches were spectacular — they were the highlight of the event. They told the story of each girl and they told the story of Project Glimmer. They accomplished a full metric ton of impact in a mere 120 seconds.

If you've ever struggled to write a high-impact speech with just 120 seconds to make yourself and your message memorable, it's easier to achieve than you think.

The audience reaction and the girls' satisfaction inspired me to share with others my approach to writing a 2-minute speech and setting your client up for success (which can also be applied to 5-minute and even 20 minute speeches, with slight variations).

Thanks for reading The Art of Smart Storytelling! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Step 1. Ask questions and listen.

Every speech-writing engagement begins with deep inquiry and deep listening. In just 45 minutes, I usually have all I need to write a 2-minute speech. (Longer speeches may take some back and forth as we dive deeper into stories.) This is always my favorite part of the process. I feel like I'm panning for gold, shirt-sleeves rolled up, senses dialed high as I'm on high alert for that glint of truth that we'll hang the entire speech around. It's not always in the story being shared — in fact, I quite often find it in the silence or hesitation or discarded thought bubble.

I operate intuitively, feeling for truth in my body — I am feeling what it's like to be the audience as I listen to my client in those first 45 minutes. I'm listening and I'm watching for all those places where the words, the story, and the person become a quantum experience — where they are more than the sum of their parts.

I usually find the hook in the first 15 minutes, and I use the rest of the time gently digging around it — like an archaeologist unearthing a fossil — to bring it to life.

Step 2. Cluster themes and squint.

I record and transcribe our discovery sessions. Recording allows me to stay present and in my body, listening and feeling, instead of stressing out about capturing the specific words and phrases and details.

Once I have the transcript, I start looking for the bones. I get rid of all the fluff and tangential stuff and I start looking for patterns in the content itself: repeated words and phrases are a pattern, the story of a from-to expansion is a pattern, the story of a repeated cycle is a pattern.

(By the way, pattern-recognition is one of my superpowers. It's even in my Human Design, which I use as a tool to amplify my gifts and better serve my clients. Follow this link to begin working with yours. )

After stripping out the inessential, I now have the hook and the bones, and I squint. (My business partner, Tara Tallman Sollman , taught me this one.) Squinting helps you see the forest through the trees.

I now have my storytelling "architecture" and can begin the actual writing.

Step 3. Write for voice and rhythm.

I often feel like a method actor throughout my speech-writing process. In the first step, I physically embody the audience, imagining and sensing their experience and what they want or need to hear and feel. In this step, I now embody the speaker.

I imagine I am them at the podium and I sit in their life experience and aura. I also know their Human Design (I bring this into my client work so that I can better serve) — their energy type, the places in their definition that they most identify with, their profile lines. I also know where they may feel vulnerable so I can help them navigate and provide tender, even "surgical" support in a way that it lands in their emotional and physical self.

The most important part of writing for my client's voice is to remove myself from the mix — I must become my client, but in an elevated form for the main stage.

It's an emotional and energetic balancing act to be:

– relatable, but not colloquial

– aspirational, but not pretentious

– informational, but not boring

Getting the voice right is a giant step in getting the rhythm right — the tools of rhetoric and language are deeply intertwined.

Step 4. Read it out loud and trim for time.

Okay, this is arguably the most painful part of the process. It often means letting go of precious words and turns of phrase, but it's also where the ultimate pay-off is.

I have no idea why it is that a speech read in silence and a speech spoken out loud are so very different. What sounds fine to your mind while scanning the page can sound overwhelmingly formal, fussy, and dull when spoken out loud. It never ceases to amaze me.

I always always always do this step with the client — this is where we begin transferring ownership, honing and trimming together.

I bring to them the fleshed-out architecture, eyeballing it for length (so we're not tasked with turning a novel into a sound-bite). I start this session by reading out loud the entire speech and pointing out areas that felt powerful and natural to me and areas that felt forced. When I do this, I am helping them understand my language as a guide, but I'm also helping them see what resonates for me as the audience member again.

During this stage we're both in the Google Doc highlighting, cutting, transforming, and editing — it's a moment of real collaboration and co-creation at its best.

By the end of the session, we do a read-through and time it. Anything between 1:50 and 2:10 is good for me — we'll fine-tune it in the final coaching session for delivery.

The client now has their Google Doc. I no longer touch it (unless they ask). It is theirs to play with word choice and emphasis — they're now tasked to "make it their own" where there may be places that don't feel 100% authentic.

Step 5. Listen, nuance, and amplify.

This is the phase I love most. Even though we've only spent 2-3 brief sessions together, we've built so much trust and intimacy in our little world of words and stories. I get to see the results of their trust-fall with me.

I have my client read their speech to me as if they were delivering it, and I time it. I listen for emphasis and tone and "connection" to the content, and I take notes about words I want to emphasize, places I want to speed up or slow down, opportunities to pause. I am noting all the ways I want my client to hold this space and own this moment. I want them to step into their power and magnetism, because I know that's what the audience hungers for.

After annotating the delivery, we get a clean recording that I send in an audio file so they can listen over and over, imprinting their voice in their minds to aid them in memorization. (It's infinitely more powerful and magnetic when delivering a speech from memory, but it takes a lot more time to get there. If you have the time and runway to memorize and rehearse, I can't recommend this enough.)

Whether you're writing a 2-minute, 5-minute, or 20-minute speech, the best speeches are always anchored in a story. A nugget of truth about you that is accessible and relatable to others in the form of a universal truth, and a way of sharing it that brings to life multiple dimensions of our collective human experience.

2 minute humorous speech

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Frantically Speaking

Memorable 2-Minute Speeches: How to Write & Deliver (With Examples)

Hrideep barot.

  • Public Speaking , Speech Topics , Speech Writing

Giving 2-minute speech

Giving memorable 2-minute speeches are tricker than giving 2-minute speeches. 

Speeches are an effective way to share your understanding, opinion, or perspective on a topic. It doesn’t matter if your speech is for 2 minutes, 10 minutes, or 50 minutes, the main essence of any speech is to reach the audience .

2-minute speeches are quite effective if presented in a well-structured manner. In fact, giving 2-minute speeches can also help you improve your public speaking skills. And that is the reason why schools ask the students to give 2-minute speeches for every assignment!

Now we understand you might have tons of questions when it comes to 2-minute speeches, but fret not, we’ve got you covered. Read till the end of the blog to get a more comprehensive idea about 2-minute speeches. 

Also, check out our video here if you want a very short glimpse of the article:

Is a 2-minute speech too short?

2-minute speeches come under the category of short speeches. So ideally 2 minute speeches are short speeches . But when we say is it too short? Then the answer will be subjective. 

For instance, If you are to present your research findings then a 2-minute speech would not do justice to years of your work. But at the same time if you are giving a self-introduction then 2 minute speeches are more than enough!

How long is a 2-minute speech?

To understand how long 2-minute speeches should be, you need to understand your pace of speaking which is the number of words spoken per minute.   An average person usually speaks about 130-150 words per minute . So for 2-minute speeches, 260-300 words should be sufficient. 

When it comes to the number of pages for a 2-minute speech, then your speech can be half to one page long . It all depends on the font size that you use!

Similarly, the number of sentences that would make up a 2-minute speech can vary depending on the font size that you use or your handwriting.

Writing 2-minute speeches

1. choose a topic.

The very first step in writing your speech is to know what you want to talk about, which is your topic !

You can either come up with the topic yourself or you can search for a broad topic on the internet and then narrow it down as per your liking. 

So if for example, you are writing a 2-minute speech on unity as strength , you may want to focus on a particular instance wherein unity shown by people worked as their strength and helped them achieve a goal, like a freedom struggle.  

2. Decide on your takeaway

 If you are wondering what takeaways are, then they are your answer to the question “why are you presenting this particular topic to the audience?”

For some the answer could be, to educate, give another perspective on a widely studied topic, or even awaken the audience to take action . 

In 2 minute speeches, the clock ticks faster so you should ideally focus on only 1 takeaway . 

Once you have figured out why you want to present the topic to your audience or listeners, you can then move to the next stage of research. 

3. Research for your speech

When you begin researching for 2 minutes speeches, you don’t have to get into tons of details . The idea is to give the audience enough information to understand your topic within a short time.

For starters, you can browse your topic on Google , YouTube , Instagram , and other social media channels. You might also want to research some facts or statistics related to your topic as it increases the credibility of your speech.

4. Structure your speech

There are 3 things to be kept in mind while structuring your speech. They are ethos, pathos, and logos. 

Ethos means credibility . It is concerned with giving the audience a reason to believe in you. So, if your speech is about the impact of gaming on violent behavior, mentioning that you are a psychologist would add credibility to your speech. 

Pathos is related to emotions . The idea is to connect with the listeners through emotions. And the easiest way to do that is through stories !

In the example above, you can share a story of a client who developed violent behavior patterns after spending a considerable amount of time on gaming and how they are doing now.

Logos means logic . Adding logical elements like facts, statistics, and quotes by famous personalities helps drive your main idea forward in a more rational sense. 

Again, taking the example of the impact of gaming on violent behavior, logos could include a sentence like:

School shootings have increased from 11 in 2009 to 93 in 2021. It is a staggering number and when you take a deeper look into it, you’ll find that a considerable number of these shooters were addicted to gaming.

Editing is something we believe is a very crucial part of giving a memorable 2-minute speech. Why?

Because 2-minute speeches aren’t only about what you say but also about what you choose not to say. 

Editing also helps you focus on your topic more clearly rather than drifting or diversifying your topic.

Delivering 2-minute Speeches

1. establish your takeaway.

Since you had already decided on your takeaway while writing the speech, you are well aware of it. But does your audience have any idea yet? No!

While they might infer why you are presenting the particular topic after listening to your speech, you cannot leave it to that. 

Establish your takeaway right at the beginning of your speech , so that the audience also understands what they can expect from your speech. 

2. How to begin a 2 minute Speech (Simple beginning)

This might come as a shocker, especially because we are always told to begin with a Bang! 

For 2-minute speeches, if you end up spending a lot of your time on the beginning, you will have to shorten the main content of your speech. 

Starting in a simple and direct manner suits best in such cases. 

A few ways in which you can begin your 2-minute speeches are given below:

If you are to introduce yourself, you can begin simply by saying your name. “Good afternoon everyone, I am Xyz…”

You can also use ethos, pathos, and logos to begin your 2-minute speeches. 

“Mumbai is known for 2 things gateway of India and potholes. Being someone who has lost a close friend of mine due to the careless work done towards these potholes , I’m here to address the issue we so conveniently drive over”
“About a year ago, in this very month of July, it was raining heavily in Mumbai. I remember this because there happened to be a friend of mine who was supposed to meet me for a meeting, we had that day, but he didn’t make it. The reason? Heavily flooded roads covered with potholes that he couldn’t see. A tragic accident or a convenient murder?”
“In 2018, Mumbai alone witnessed 522 accidents caused by potholes”

3. Emphasize

Repeating or rather stressing certain words gives rhythm to your speech. It also helps in easy learning and increases the chance of easy recall among the audience. 

4. How to End a 2 Minute Speech

When it comes to 2-minute speeches, your conclusion or closing lines are very important. The reason is that your audience will mostly remember the last part of your speech better than the rest . 

Make sure to restate the takeaway and main crux of your speech . You can also end your speech by quoting some famous personalities . In many speeches, the speaker asks the audience to take action or to think about a question that they leave the audience with. 

So, we now know how your phone helps you socialize but keeps you away from the same people physically. We have been living in this virtual world for quite some time now. The least you can do is to keep your technology aside especially when you are with people you care about. An hour without your phone won’t hurt, will it?

Impromptu 2-minute speeches

Impromptu speeches are ones where you are given the topic on the spot with little to no time to prepare for the speech. In such cases, you barely have any time to go about carrying out thorough research and structuring your speech. 

Rather you can keep a few frameworks in your mind and then structure the speech accordingly on the spot. This is the most convenient way of delivering effective impromptu 2-minute speeches. 

A few frameworks that you can use for your 2-minute impromptu speeches are:

1. PREP model

PREP stands for Point, Reason, Example, and Point . This essentially means that you begin by talking about something, then give a reason that justifies that point. You then follow it with an example to back your point and end by repeating the point to reach your audience in a structured manner.

2. WWW model 

No, WWW doesn’t stand for World Wide Web. Rather it means answering 3 questions, 

  • Who are you?
  • What do you do?
  • Where are you going from here?

WWW works best when you have to give an impromptu introduction of yourself . 

An example of using the WWW model to introduce yourself is given below. 

Hello everyone, I am Arsh M, a fashion designer, and advocate of sustainability. During my college years, I was astonished by the amount of cloth waste produced each day. Upon researching, I realized that the fashion industry happens to be one of the biggest polluters in the world. This motivated me to work towards bringing more sustainable styling choices for everyone. That is when I began my venture in Sustainaesthetic. We are a completely sustainable and animal cruelty-free brand that aims to provide you with diverse sustainable styling options at a very affordable rate so that saving the planet doesn’t hurt your pockets!

3. Pointer Format

As the name suggests, the pointer format involves dividing your content into 3-5 points . This will make it easier for you to talk about each point for a couple of seconds before moving to the next. At the same time, it sounds very structured and may be easy to recall. 

An example of a pointer format is a speech given the by CEO of Pepsico Indra Nooyi . 

Famous 2-minute speeches

1. indra nooyi.

The speech given by Pepsico’s CEO is well-written and spoken . She begins by appreciating India, her home country, and then moves on to briefly talk about her 3 life lessons. Diving her speech into such crisp segments with an introduction, 3 pointers and finally, a conclusion, makes the speech very comprehensive and structured . 

2. Denzel Washington

The speech given by Denzel Washington is one of the most motivating speeches of all time . It is because of the way he calmly delivers the speech by taking required pauses to stress the important lines. 

2-minute speeches from movies

Speeches in movies usually bring out the emotion of awe, inspiration, or sympathy . We will look at two such 2-minute inspirational speeches from movies.

1. Any Given Sunday 

The scene on any given day is worth noting for its storytelling approach . Al Pacino begins his speech with brutal honesty when he says “ We are in hell gentlemen.” 

He then goes on to talk about how the game is very similar to everyone’s life and emphasizes being at the right place at the right time. 

“One second early or one second late, you miss a catch,” he says. In the latter half of his speech, he increases his voice as if trying to reach his player’s very core, in an attempt to motivate them to do their level best in the game.

2. Coach Carter 

This speech scene of Coach Carter is unlike other traditional scenes where the coach inspires his students. Rather, one of the students gives a very short speech that moves not only his teammates but also his teacher. 

It can also be counted as a very effective thank you speech!

Monologues happen to be yet another powerful tool used in 2-minute speeches from movies. Monologues are long dialogues given by a single character. Let’s take a look at some of the most striking monologues given in movies

2-minute dramatic monologue for male

When it comes to dramatic monologues for males, the dialogue is often very inspiring or tries to instill the right amount of motivation among the team players or the soldiers. Let us take a look at 2 such dramatic monologues given by male characters in movies that had an amazing impact on their audience.

1. V for Vendetta

V for vendetta isn’t only an amazing movie, but this monologue by V is out of the ordinary. In the scene, V introduces himself to a woman whom he had just saved. 

He uses alliteration by introducing himself with words that start with V. Check out the exact dialogue to get a clearer idea about the monologue.

V oila! In v iew, a humble v audevillian v eteran is cast v icariously as both v ictim and v illain by the v icissitudes of fate. This v isage, no mere v eneer of v anity, is a v estige of v ox populi, now v acant, v anished. However, this v alorous v isitation of a bygone v exation stands v ivified and had v owed to v anquish these v enal and v irulent v ermin v anguarding v ice and v ouchsafing the v iolently v icarious and v iolation of v olition…. You may call me V.

2. Wolf of Wallstreet

Who hasn’t heard of this amazing movie, wolf of wall street? One thing that we will observe when it comes to this movie is that the main lead had amazing public speaking skills . He had the power to persuade his listeners and encourage them to chip in at their level best for the growth of the organization. 

In one such speech, he talks about how he isn’t leaving them and that he is here to stay. 

The use of dramatic suspense followed by his change in tone and voice is something worth noting.

2-minute dramatic monologue for female

When it comes to dramatic monologues given by female characters in movies, 2 of these scenes come into our minds. The scenes are both beautifully written and executed by the actors.

1. Devil Wears Prada

In the movie Devil Wears Prada, the monologue is given by Meryl Streep who plays the role of Miranda Priestly. The speech is worth noting as she dramatically explains how even a small difference between two pieces of clothing to a lay person is a big difference for the fashion moguls as it is their opportunity to create millions!

Her passion for the industry is quite evident from the 2-minute speech. Further, the way her character picks up the pace when she talks about the reality of the fashion industry brings out her annoyance at the assistant and acts as a way of showing authority through words.

The movie 300 features a small scene where the queen requests the councilmen to send more men to war, to help not only her husband but also all the others who are already a part of it. 

We see the use of ethos in the speech when the queen says the following statement:

I come to you as a mother. I come to you as a wife. I come to you as a spartan woman.

Examples of 2-minute speeches

If you are looking for some examples for your next 2-minute speech or 2-minute speeches to memorize, check out the ones given below!

How to introduce yourself in 2 minutes?

When you have to introduce yourself in 2-minutes, it is better to follow a simple structure of past, and present. 

An example of introducing yourself as a fresher for a job interview has been given below

Good afternoon, I am Arya Rose. I recently graduated from ABC college, majoring in Analytics. Growing up I had always found immense interest in math and had also won Olympiads at the school level. During my under graduation, I had taken up a course in tools for Data Analysis which made me realize my inclination toward analytics. It also encouraged me to pursue my major in the field of analytics. 

Being an active member of my college, I made sure to participate in and represent my college across various events and intercollegiate festivals. I also had the chance to be a part of Hackin which is ABC’s elite Hackathon team. With the Team, we stood 2nd at Hackified, a hackathon organized by QPR college.  

I was further able to put my theoretical knowledge to use by interning with this amazing organization called ANAlysis. The internship spanned over 3 months and I was able to gain an in-depth understanding of software like R and Python. 

I now look forward to gaining more practical experience in the field by working and growing with your esteemed organization. 

2 minute thank you speech

There are a few things that you must keep in your mind while you are giving a thank you speech. 

  • Acknowledge the people around you
  • Thank them 
  • Introduce yourself or why you are giving this speech. 
  • Individually thank every person required.
  • Add some inspiring or heartfelt closing marks

An example of a 2-minute thank you speech for an event is given below. 

I’d like to first thank every one of you present here, for joining us to make this event an absolute success. To those of you who might not know, I am Shiya M, the editor of the XYZ club and the coordinator of this amazing open mic event “Mehar.” Mehar means blessing in Punjabi, and there is a reason behind it.

On my very first day at XYZ, I was stunned to see the company ritual. Before leaving we were to recall one blessing that we received that day from our colleagues. As unusual as it felt, it was beyond measure one of the most beautiful rituals I had come across. You see in this fast-moving world, we tend to focus a lot on our busy schedule for the things we don’t have. And in all that chaos, we forget to take a look at the n number of blessings showered our way.

So, we wanted to provide a platform where you could do that, even if it was for a couple of hours. 

I’d like to thank Ms. T, founder of XYZ, and her immense support and encouragement throughout, Arya and Daven for working closely with all the participants and audience members, ensuring that all your needs were met. I’d also like to thank Mr. Ajay for the technical support provided to him and how can we not thank Jay for being our lead guitarist, tuning in the vibe of this small room as per each participant’s requirement, Jay thank you!

Thank you to all the participants for presenting such beautifully written pieces, we enjoyed them all. A great round of applause for our participants!

Last, I’d like to thank our dear audience for being patient and for motivating all our speakers today you have been the most amazing audience we have ever seen!

Thank you again all of you, it was a great pleasure interacting with every one of you. 

meher rakhi!

Humorous 2-minute speeches

If you are trying to understand how to add humor to your speech and make it more fun as well as casual, check out the 2-minute speech example given below.

2-minute humorous speech by bridesmaid

“Hello everyone, first of all, I’d like to begin quite humbly by thanking everyone present for gathering here to celebrate the union of this beautiful couple Jess and Jim. 

Now if you know jess, you know me. Because I pretty much tag along with her everywhere. Just like those lice in your hair, can’t leave her alone!

At 5, I had taken up responsibility. It was to protect this absolutely beautiful soul. But as we grew up, it turned out that she was the one who protected me. What the turn tables!

Jess, I’m grateful every day to have such an amazing sister like you in my life who motivates me to do better and talk to “decent” guys..pst they are just not my type!

You’ve been my mom at times, waiting at the door every time I’d get late which makes me wonder if mom outsourced her strictness to you? And if yes, why not me? I was the broke kid!

 I’m going to miss those small things you know? How you told me it was chocolate powder when it was coffee, how I never won a game I played with you because you never played it fair, and oh how you never missed complimenting my outfit when I was wearing your clothes!

But seriously, I’m going to miss you tons. I hope you get your fairytale happily ever after! To Jess and Jim!

if you have been asking yourself which topic is best for a 2-minute speech? what are some good topics to speak on? or what should I do for my school speech?

Here is a list of various topics you can choose from!

Common topics for 2-minute speeches

  • Environment
  • Domestic Violence
  • Women’s Day
  • Teachers’ Day
  • Importance of Cleanliness

2-minute speech topics for students

  • Failure: A blessing in disguise
  • The best attitude to have is gratitude
  • Is there value in homework?
  • Impact of technology on mental health
  • The authenticity of online degrees
  • The future is sustainability
  • Social media detox
  • Blended learning and its benefits
  • Residential programs and their benefits
  • New education policy
  • Value of time
  • Importance of education
  • Discipline and its importance.
  • 2-minute speech on any freedom fighter
  • Ban on school uniforms

2-minute speech topics for adults

  • Work-life balance for remote employees
  • Fields that can turn completely virtual
  • Slow living: beyond the hustle
  • Impact of diet on mental health
  • Unhealthy patterns that cost you in your 40s
  • Advice to an 18-year-old
  • How colors affect people
  • Consistency over motivation
  • Future of automobile
  • Metaverse: the new shopping hub
  • The power of fake news
  • Ban on animal testing
  • Adopt, don’t shop!
  • Social media diet fads or eating disorders?
  • Can money buy happiness?

Final words

2-minute speeches are short, crisp speeches that help in conveying your ideas or opinions to the people effectively. As the time is short, focusing too much on the opening lines or in-depth research will steal your time. Instead, focus on a takeaway and chip in extra efforts to give a memorable conclusion.

At the end of the day, there are no strict rules that you must follow for 2-minute speeches, and hence you are open to writing it and delivering it the way that suits best for you.

Hrideep Barot

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StageMilk / Monologues For Actors / Comedy Monologues

Comedy Monologues

Comedy Monologues

Looking for a great comedic monologue? You have come to the right page. We have put together a massive list of comedy monologues for men and women, from theatre, film and TV. We aim to cover all bases – some are from classical playwrights, and others from contemporary TV series. These monologues will work well for auditions, perhaps a showreel update or for just some self-taping fun.

I find actors always have great dramatic pieces on their casting profiles, or at auditions, but rarely have a great comic monologue. Having a really great comedy piece will make you stand out and allow you to show off your range as an actor.

It’s always tricky finding a great comedy monologue as let’s be honest, most comedy monologues aren’t exactly standup routines. Some are laugh out loud, but others are more subtle. As you’ll see from some of the monologues on this list, some are simply just lighter in nature. If you have been asked to prepare a comedy monologue, don’t think that it has to be the funniest two minutes of your life.

How to approach a comedy monologue: The key to comedy is to play the truth of the situation. Too many actors play up the comedy, trying to make a monologue funnier than it is. In fact, we have to trust the playwright or screenwriter and just fully commit to the situation. I highly recommend reading or watching some of the writer’s work to get the nuance of that writer: a Neil Simon monologue is very different to a Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

How to pick a comedy monologue: I recommend reading a bunch of monologues below and then just making a gut choice. A monologue will soar if you connect with it! If you are reading a monologue below and feel excited to get up and have a play – that is your monologue.

I hope you enjoy!

Read more: How to rehearse a monologue , What is a monologue?

Comedic Monologues for Women

Comedy Monologues for Women

Comedic Monologues from Theatre

Pramkicker (theatre).

By Sadie Hasler

Jude: He called me by my name. His name for me. Judy Rude. Because I ‘always swear’. Apparently. The only fucking person I have ever allowed to call me Judy. I went and stood in a card shop for a bit to sort my head out. I hadn’t seen him since we split up, not once. Ten years. It’s weird – I always thought I wasn’t that bothered about him, but I’ve not really liked anyone since. Not enough to live with. And you don’t expect that when you break up with someone do you? That they won’t be bettered. Upgraded. That you will just … stand still. Ten years. Fuck.

So I stood there in the shop, and there were loads of congratulations cards – new babies, pink and blue, storks with bundles, balloons, all spewing out. There was one, with a photo of fat little baby feet, next to a card which said ‘It’s your birthday, let’s get wankered’. And all of a sudden I didn’t know who I was anymore. Was I free? Or wasted? Just for a minute. Then I was fine. Left the shop.

AND THEN OF COURSE I STARTED GOING FUCKING STIR-FUCKING-CRAZY THINKING OF ALL THE THINGS I COULD HAVE SAID. Like, ‘What the fuck were you doing having a kid months after breaking up with me’, like ‘You said you were like me, you never wanted kids’, like ‘Damn straight I look good – I haven’t been sucked dry by tit-leeches’. And then I almost threw up, because that lady who smells of egg went by, and also because what if, what if we’d stayed together, what if he’d asked me, and I’d said yes in a moment of madness and let him do his thing, and we’d done the normal stuff, and had the babies, would that be my life now? Would I be happy? Happier? Different? What? WHY WASN’T I GOOD ENOUGH TO WANT TO IMPREGNATE? How come Judy Rude lost out to Molly Blah?

Promedy (Theatre)

By Wade Bradford

Beatrix, the 17-year old president of the student body, after her “ex-friend” deviously cancels the prom.

Beatrix : Young women need the Prom. It’s a rite of passage as sacred as getting your driver’s license or buying your first bra. There are only a few things in life that are guaranteed to be glorious and memorable and sparkling with gowns and cummerbunds. Prom is the quintessential teenage experience.

Think of the unlucky grown-ups and the elderly who lament the day they decided not to go to the Prom. It is a key ingredient to a happy and meaningful life. Prom is short for Promenade, a slow, gentle walk through a shady glen, and this beloved ceremony symbolizes our journey from the shadows of adolescence to the bright sunshine of the adult world with all its freedoms.

And it may be the only chance I’ll ever have to dance with a boy. Maybe I’ll never have someone get down on a knee and offer me a diamond ring. Maybe I’ll never walk down the aisle with a smug look of bridal triumph. But it is my right, and the right of every plain, frumpy, book-wormy, soon-to-be librarian to have one night of Cinderella magic. Even if we have to go with our cousin, or our gay best friend from tap class, we will have a Prom. And you will help me.

Dags (Theatre)

By Debra Oswald

Gillian : All right. I’m going to admit something I never thought I’d admit to anyone ever. I’ve got a crush on Adam. Head over heels. Uncontrollable passion, etcetera. Unrequited passion, of course. Now I know this sounds like I’m throwing away everything I’ve said so far. And I guess I am. I know every girl at school except Monica is in love with him. I know he’d never go for a dag like me. I know it’s hopeless. I know all that. But I can’t help it. Just thinking he might look at me, my heart starts pounding like mad. And then I worry about whether he can tell my hearts going crazy, and I have to act really cool. This crush – it’s like a disease. Do you know – oh, I’m almost too embarrassed to admit this – Adam misses the bus sometimes. ‘Cos he’s chatting up some girl or something. And do you know what I do? I get off the bus after one stop and walk back to school, so I can hang around the bus stop hoping he’ll turn up. Just so I can ride on the same bus with him. Isn’t that the most pathetic thing you’ve ever heard? I’m crazy. I can lie here for hours thinking about him. Writing these movies in my head where Adam and me are the stars. I try to imagine how he’d notice me and fall hopelessly in love with me and all that. Like, one of my favourites is that the bus breaks down one day in this remote place and there we are stranded together. He discovers that I was this really fascinating woman all along. Far more interesting than all those silly girls at school. But – I say that I can’t bear to be just another notch on his belt. So Adam has to beg me to go out with him. Grovel almost. That’s a pretty over-the-top version.

Noises Off (Theatre)

By Michael Frayn

Dotty : “It’s no good you going on. I can’t open sardines and answer the phone. I’ve only got one pair of feet. Hello…. Yes, but there’s no one here, love…. No, Mr. Brent’s not here…He lives here, yes, but he don’t live here now because he lives in Spain… Mr. Philip Brent, that’s right…. The one who writes the plays, that’s him, only now he writes them in Spain… No, she’s in Spain, too, they’re all in Spain, there’s no one here… Am I in Spain? No, I’m not in Spain, dear. I look after the house for him, but I go home at one o’clock on Wednesday, only I’ve got a nice plate of sardines to put my feet up with, because it’s the royal what’s-it’s called on the telly — the royal you know — where’s the paper, then? And if it’s to do with letting the house then you’ll have to ring the house-agents, because they’re the agents for the house…. Squire Squire, Hackham and who’s the other one…? No, they’re not in Spain, they’re next to the phone in the study. Squire, Squire, Hackham, and hold on, I’ll go and look. Always the same, isn’t it. Soon as you take the weight off your feet, down it all comes on your head.”

A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Theatre)

By William Shakespeare 

Helena: Act 2, Scene 2 “O, I am out of breath in this fond chase! The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace. Happy is Hermia, wheresoe’er she lies; For she hath blessed and attractive eyes. How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears: If so, my eyes are oftener wash’d than hers. No, no, I am as ugly as a bear; For beasts that meet me run away for fear: Therefore no marvel though Demetrius Do, as a monster fly my presence thus. What wicked and dissembling glass of mine Made me compare with Hermia’s sphery eyne? But who is here? Lysander! on the ground! Dead? or asleep? I see no blood, no wound. Lysander if you live, good sir, awake”

As You Like It (Theatre)

Rosalind: Act 3, Scene 5 “And why, I pray you? Who might be your mother, That you insult, exult, and all at once, Over the wretched? What though you have no beauty,– As by my faith, I see no more in you Than without candle may go dark to bed,– Must you be therefore proud and pitiless? Why, what means this? Why do you look on me? I see no more in you than in the ordinary Of nature’s sale-work. Od’s my little life! I think she means to tangle my eyes too. No, faith, proud mistress, hope not after it: ‘Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair, Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream, That can entame my spirits to your worship. You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her, Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain? You are a thousand times a properer man Than she a woman: ‘tis such fools as you That make the world full of ill-favour’d children: ‘Tis not her glass, but you, that flatters her; And out of you she sees herself more proper Than any of her lineaments can show her. But, mistress, know yourself: down on your knees, And thank heaven, fasting, for a good man’s love: For I must tell you friendly in your ear, Sell when you can; you are not for all markets. Cry the man mercy; love him; take his offer: Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer. So take her to thee, shepherd. Fare you well.”

Rather Be a Man (Theatre)

By Joseph Arnone

Kim : I don’t know what it is with me lately but I just get so UGH! when guys come up to me, with their cheesy lines, (imitating guy) “Hey, you have such a beautiful smile” or “Can I just tell you that you are so beautiful”. Ugh! It disgusts me. I mean, who the hell does this guy or that guy think he is to give me such compliments? What gives him the right? I don’t do anything to give off any kind of interest whatsoever, I completely look the other way when I see eye contact happening and they STILL come over thinking they’re so suave and it’s simply repulsive. You know what I’m saying??

What does a girl have to do these days? Maybe if I just vomited on myself the guy would walk the other way but I bet even then, I’d get, “The way you vomit on yourself is just so, so delightful.”

…All I want is to be left alone. I have a man, I love my man and I do my best to be polite but the irritation and the cheesy lines are getting to be too much. Guys are blind, they really are, OBLIVIOUS to when a girl is not interested. There are days when I rather be a man.”

The Glass Menagerie (Theatre)

By Tennessee Williams

Amanda Wingfield: Possess your soul in patience – you will see!

Something I’ve resurrected from that old trunk! Styles haven’t changed so terribly much after all.

(She parts the portières.)

Now just look at your mother !

(She wears a girlish frock of yellowed voile with a blue silk sash. She carries a bunch of jonquils – the legend of her youth is nearly revived.)

(Feverishly) This is the dress in which I led the cotillion, won the cakewalk twice at Sunset Hill, wore one spring to the Governor’s ball in Jackson ! See how I sashayed around the ballroom, Laura?

(She raises her skirt and does a mincing step around the room.)

I wore it on Sundays for my gentlemen callers ! I had it on the day I met your father. I had malaria fever all that spring. The change of climate from East Tennessee to the Delta – weakened resistance I had a little temperature all the time – not enough to be serious – just enough to make me restless and giddy. Invitations poured in – parties all over the Delta! – ‘Stay in bed,’ said mother, ‘you have fever!’ – but I just wouldn’t. – I took quinine but kept on going, going ! Evenings, dances ! – Afternoons, long, long rides! Picnics. – lovely! – So lovely, that country in May. – All lacy with dogwood, literally flooded with jonquils! – That was the spring I had the craze for jonquils. Jonquils became an absolute obsession. Mother said, ‘Honey, there’s no more room for jonquils.’ And still I kept on bringing in more jonquils. Whenever, wherever I saw them, I’d say, “Stop ! Stop! I see jonquils ! I made the young men help me gather the jonquils ! It was a joke, Amanda and her jonquils ! Finally there were no more vases to hold them, every available space was filled with jonquils. No vases to hold them? All right, I’ll hold them myself – And then I – (She stops in front of the picture.) met your father ! Malaria fever and jonquils and then – this – boy…. (She switches on the rose-coloured lamp.) I hope they get here before it starts to rain.”

After Dinner (Theatre)

By Andrew Bovell

Monika : I’m fine now. Honestly. Just pretend that nothing happened. It’s just that for a moment I thought Martin was still with me and I panicked. Isn’t that silly. I was thinking about what I was going to order when I remembered that I hadn’t left anything out for Martin. I thought of him searching through the fridge and not finding a morsel. I wanted to say something, to tell you he’d be looking for his dinner but I couldn’t get it out. It was as though a large piece of phlegm had lodged in my throat and my words couldn’t pass it. But then I remembered. Martin wouldn’t be wanting his dinner because Martin’s not with me any more. Martin’s dead. And the phlegm just slid away. Poor Martin. If only I was a little quicker. To have held him in my arms before he went. But how was I to know? How was I to know he was about to die. Men don’t have strokes when they’re thirty eight years old. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault, was it? Have I told you how Martin died? We’d finished our dinner. Martin was in the loungeroom watching television and I was in the kitchen doing the washing-up. I’d nearly finished the pots when I smelt this most vile smell. So I put the dog outside but the smell didn’t go away. I searched high and low through that kitchen. Martin couldn’t stand unidentified smells. Then I realised that the smell was coming from the lounge room. I went in and there was Martin sitting bolt upright in his chair with his nostrils quivering and the most terrible look on his face. He would hate me for telling you but he’d lost control of his bowels. Something he normally never would have done. ‘Martin’, I said. ‘Is everything alright?’ ‘No dear’. And they were his last words. He closed his eyes and slid off the chair. The poor man, he was such a clean person when he was alive. So sad that he had to die in such shame. And thank God we didn’t have any children. And God knows we tried. Still, where would we be now if we had children? Not here, not out on the town having such a good time.

Folk (Theatre)

By Tom Wells

Sister Winnie: Oh, it was fine. I mean: not fine fine – everything’s…

(to Kayleigh.) ​I’ve been at the hospital, Kayleigh. I don’t know if Stephen said. Getting some tests done. I’ve got angina. Which for some reason I keep calling: vagina. It doesn’t help. It means, Kayleigh, no more fun. No more drinking, no more getting worked up, no more smoking, apparently – I’m ignoring that, obviously but. I’m getting pills, blood-thinners. They’ve showered me with leaflets.

The consultant basically said I could pop my clogs at any moment. Added to which: he was a very pale man, heavy-breather – I did wonder briefly if he might actually be Death, come to get me. But then one of the other doctors popped in, called him Nigel, mentioned something about badminton so I thought: probably not. It’s hard to imagine the Grim Reaper with a shuttlecock. But that’s not the worst bit, Stephen.

(Stephen: “Oh​.”​)

Picture this: I’ve been through all the sitting, the waiting, spent three pounds thirty-nine on a mediocre sandwich, been wired up to a monitor, jogged, et cetera, I’ve been jiggled about, prodded, pressed with some very chilly instruments, got released, finally, back into the world, with my clogged-up arteries and uncertain future, I’m in the lift going down, who should I bump into? Who should get into the lift with me on floor number seven? I’ll give you a clue: he’s got a fucking hernia. And did he ask how I was? No. He spotted me, took a deep breath, launched into another two-hour rant about what a rough deal it is – whinging, complaining, whining. I mean, I know it’s not nice to have a bit of your stomach lining poking out, I get it, I do, but really – how much more is there to say?

Anyway, I’m sorry to be so late back.

Fleabag (Theatre)

By Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Fleabag : Okay. Into the shower. Boom. Bedroom. Make-up. Boom. Gonna really make an effort. I take half an hour trying to look nice and I ended up looking… amazing. I mean, best in ages. One of those days. Boom. Gorgeous, fresh-faced, heels, wearing a skirt, new top, little bit sexy, on my way to save my café and yes, I am strutting. I see a man walking towards me from the bus stop. He can’t take his eyes off me. I’m all walking like I’ve got a paintbrush up my arse, thinking: Yeah, check me out, cos it’s never gonna happen, Chub Chub.

I opened the café with my friend Boo. She’s dead now. She accidentally killed herself. It wasn’t her intention, but it wasn’t a total accident. She didn’t think she’d actually die, just found out that her boyfriend slept with someone else and she wanted to punish him by ending up in hospital and not letting him visit her for a bit. She decided to walk into a busy cycle lane wanting to get tangled in a bike. Break a finger, maybe. But it turns out bikes can go fast and flip you into the road. Three people died. She was such a dick. I didn’t tell her parents the truth. I told her boyfriend. He cried a lot.

Chub Chub’s getting closer. Oversized jacket. Meaty face. Looks me up and down. It’s like he’s confused about how attractive I am – he can’t quite believe it. I worry for a second I’m going to make a sex offender out of the poor guy. He’s about to say something. Here we fucking go, this better be good. He’s passing, he’s passing. He clears his throat, brings his hand to his mouth and coughs: “Walk of shame.” It’s too late to go home and change. I have some flat shoes in my bag and anyway, he’s fat. And he can’t take that off at night.

Harry’s a bit fat. He lightly pats his belly, like he’s a little bear. Proud of what he’s achieved. Hunted. Gathered. Eaten. Pat. Evidence. Pat, pat. It makes me laugh. A pretty girl at a party once asked me if I secretly liked that Harry had a paunch, because it made him less attractive to other women. Her boyfriend was the whale in the corner, blocking the door to the toilets. I asked her if he made her wash the bits he can’t reach. She slapped me. Actual slap. Which means he did.

Boo’s death hit the papers. ‘Local café girl is hit by a bike and a car and another bike.’ There was a buzz around the café all of a sudden. Flowers, notes, guinea-pig memorabilia were left outside in her memory. Boo was built a bit like a guinea pig. No waist or hips. Straight down. She rocked it. And she was beautiful. Tricky though. Jealous. Sensitive. But beautiful and… my best friend.

Comedic Monologues from Film and TV

Girlboss (tv).

Sophia: Adulthood is where dreams go to die. Grow up, get a job, become a drone, that’s it. Then it’s over. Society just wants to put everyone in a box. Well guess what society? There is no box. Cos I mean, if I thought the rest of my life would be spent as a mindless cog in a machine, I swear I’d just get a tattoo across my face that says: “Really man?” Just need to figure out a way of growing up without becoming a boring adult. You probably think I’m some spoiled brat who’s never had it hard cause I didn’t have to walk a mile to school. But here’s the thing, I tried college for a year. Total bust. Everything you wanna learn, you could just look up online. I know how to open champagne with a sword.

Easy A (Film)

Olive : Let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast, being of sound mind, ample-ish breast size and an occasional corny knock-knock joke do enter this video blog in the case against me. Since I’m being judged by a jury of my peers I will attempt to insert ‘like’ and ‘totally’ into my confession as much as possible. I will also end statements with a question mark? So here it goes. I confess I’m, in no small part, to blame for all the gossip that has turned my varsity letter scarlet. But for any guy hoping that the sizzling details of my sordid past will inspire you to lock the bathroom door and ‘do it to it’ with your sisters moisturising lotion – you’ll be gravely disappointed. Not to mention unsatisfied. And smelling like hibiscus. Look, I just need to set the record straight and what better way to broadcast my thoughts then here, on the internet. So here it is, Part 1: The Shudder-Inducing-and-Cliched-However-Totally-False-Account-of-How-I-Lost-My-Virginity-To-A-Guy-At-A-Community-College. And Lost my Anonymity Along the Way. Let me just begin by saying that there are two sides to every story. This is my side. The right one. Like, totally.

Juno (Film)

Juno : Are you honestly and truly taking Katrina to the dance? Your mum must be pretty stoked that you’re not taking me. I’m not mad. I’m in a great mood. I mean, you know, despite the fact that I’m in a fat suit that I can’t take off and despite the fact that everyone’s making fun of me behind my back and despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stink eye in class yesterday. You know what? You just take Katrina to the dance because I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like, you know what Bleek? I might pumice my feet. Or I might go to church. Or maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? Coz all of those things would exponentially cooler than going to the dance with you. Are you mad? Why? Cos I got bored and had sex with you? And I didn’t wanna, like, marry you? You just take Katrina to the dance okay? I’m sure you two will have a real great time. I still have your virginity. What are you ashamed that we did it? Because at least you don’t have the evidence under your sweater. I’m a planet.

Shoshanna: This isn’t working! Okay… So, I love you so much, like to the end of the world and back, but…sometimes I love you like… I feel sorry for a monkey. Like they just need so much help and they’re in those ugly cages, you know what I mean? And there’s nobody else – especially not a grown male blonde, you know me better than that. I just can’t deal with your negativity while I’m trying to grow into a fully-formed human. I mean, you hate everything. Seriously. You hate everything. You hate the sound of children playing and you hate all of your living relatives and you hate people who wear sunglasses, even during the day, and you hate going to dinner which you know I love! And you hate ribbons and you hate pillows and you hate colors – you hate everything! And I can’t be the only thing you like! And maybe I can deal with your black soul better when I’m older, but right now I can’t handle it. So many you should go change, and then we can be in love at another time.

Mean Girls (Film)

Regina George: Why were you talking to Janis Ian?

She’s so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. (as if this is shocking) I was best friends with her in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing, I don’t even… whatever. Then, in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend, Kyle, who was totally gorgeous but he moved to Indiana, and Janis was, like weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I blew her off to hang out with Kyle she would be like, “Why didn’t you call me back!?” And I would be, like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then my birthday was an all-girls pool party and I was like, I can’t invite you, Janis, because I think you’re a lesbian. I mean, I couldn’t have a lesbian there. Girls were going to be in their bathing suits. I mean, right? Then her mom called my mom and was, like, yelling at her. It was so retarded and then in the fall when we started high school all her hair was cut off and she was totally weird and now I think she does heroin.

Bridesmaids (Film)

Megan: I think you’re ready to hear a little story about a girl named Megan who didn’t have a very good time in high school. I’m referring to myself when I say Megan, it’s me Megan. I know you look at me now and think, boy she must have breezed through high school. Not the case Annie. This was not easy going up and down the halls with. They used to try to blow me up. People used to throw firecrackers on my head in high school. Firecrackers, literally, not figuratively. They called me a freak. Do you think I let that stop me? Do you think I went home crying to my mommy, “Oh, I don’t have any friends.” I did not. You know what I did? I pulled myself up, I studied hard, I read every book in the library and now I work for the government and have the highest possible security clearance. Don’t repeat that. I cannot protect you. I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes.

You would be amazed, a lot of shopping malls. Don’t repeat that.

The Parent Trap (Film)

Meredith: Knock-knock. Can I join you? Guess the news of the engagement came as a bit of a shock, huh? You know, I remember what it was like to be eleven. I had my first beau at eleven. It’s a wonderful age. You’re starting to feel like a woman and believe it or not soon you’ll understand what it’s like to be in love.

So what if I’m young and beautiful? That’s not a crime, you know. And for your information, I adore your father. He’s exactly-the kind of man I always planned on marrying. This is the real deal, honey and nothing you do is going to come between as. The reality is, angel, you are no longer the only girl in Nick Parker’s life. Get over it.

I hope you’re not suggesting I’m marrying your father for his money. Now you listen and listen good. I’m marrying your father in two weeks whether you like it or not. So I suggest you do not tangle with me anymore. You’re in way over your head. Is that clear?

Hallie : I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea. I’m a genius. Annie, wake up, you’re related to a bona fide genius. You want to know what Dad is like, right? And I’m dying to know Mom. So what I’m thinking is … Oh man, this is so brilliant, it’s scary. I think we should switch places. When camp’s over, I leave as you and go back to London and you leave as me and go to California. (off Annie’s look) We can pull it off. We’re twins, aren’t we? I’ll teach you to be me and you teach me to be you. (gets on knees and begs) C’mon, I gotta meet my Mom. I told you I’m brilliant.

Clueless (Film)

Cher : So, O.K., like the Haitians need to come to America but some people are all, “What about the sprain on our resources?” And it’s like, when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday and it’s all catered, you know, I said “R.S.V.P.” because it’s a sit down dinner. O.K.? People come that like, didn’t R.S.V.P.! And I’m buggin’. I have to haul ass to the kitchen, re-distribute the food and like squish in extra place-settings and people are on mismatched chairs and all. But by the end of the day it was like “the more, the merrier”. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen and re-arrange some things we could certainly party with Haitians. And in conclusion, may I remind you that it doesn’t say “R.S.V.P.” on the Statue of Liberty.

Heathers (Film)

Heather : You were nothing before you met me! You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout Cookie! I got you into a Remington Party! What’s my thanks? It’s on the hallway carpet. I get paid in puke! (totally in control) Monday morning, you’re history. I’ll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerburg’s going to let you play their reindeer games.

In & Out (Film)

Emily : I lost 75 pounds. I lost 75 pounds! You say you’re sorry? You’re sorry?! You’re sorry?! After I wait for you! No, not just three years! My entire life! After I plan my future around our wedding. After I base my entire concept of self-esteem on the fact that you’re willing to marry me! And you’re sorry! Thank God my parents are dead, this would have killed ’em! Are you really… gay?

Is there – oh – any other time you might have told me this! I’m wearing a wedding dress that you picked out! I highlighted my hair because you said I needed shimmer. I loved you and believed you and pretended not to notice the Streisand thing. I thought you were just creative and I thought you were just smarter than me and more sensitive and more interesting. I just thought you were the most wonderful man that ever lived. I thought you could just change my life and show me the whole world. And teach me about art and life and magic and I thought you could make me feel like a beautiful woman instead of the girl nobody wanted.

Election (Film)

Tracy : Dear Lord Jesus, I do not often speak with You and ask for things, but now I really must insist that You help me win the election tomorrow, because I deserve it and Paul Metzier doesn’t, as You well know. l realize that it was Your divine hand that disqualified Tammy, and now I’m asking that You go that one last mile and make sure to put me in office where I belong, so that I may carry out Your will on Earth as it is in Heaven. If elected I promise that I will pray more often. Okay? Amen.

The Shape of Water (Film)

Zelda : Made Brewster pigs in a blanket tonight before leavin’. Fresh dough – the good sausages – thick – and Boy, he just ate ‘em up. (beat) No thank-yous – no yum-yums – not a peep, tho – Man is silent as the grave. But if farts were flattery, honey – he would be Shakespeare. Then I get home and I make him breakfast. Bacon and eggs and buttered toast. I butter the man’s toast, Elisa. Both sides – As if he were a child… And I don’t get a “Thank You.”

Will you look at this? Look – Some of the best minds in our country – peeing all over the floor in this here facility. There’s pee freckles on the ceiling!! How do they get it up there? Just how big a target do they need, you figure? They get enough practice that’s for sure. My Brewster, no one ever called him a great mind, even he hits the can seventy percent of the time.

Comedic Monologues for Men

Comedy Monologues Men

Unbearable Hotness (Theatre)

By Gabrielle Davis

Brandon : I just fuckin’ killed Chuck. I think. I mean, he’s just laying out there. He’s not moving. I don’t think he’s breathing. I mean, there I was just up on the roof with Marissa – talking, laughing, having a great time. I tell her she reminds me of Sandra Bullock. I tell her I loved “Hope Floats”. Who knew those would be the magic words? Next thing I know her clothes are off and we’re loosening roof shingles like there’s no tomorrow. And then there’s biting and kissing and touching and suddenly someone starts beating on me, I mean, just pounding on me and growling. Yeah, growling. And I look up and there’s Chuck. And I’m like, “What’s the problem?” and he says “The problem is, dude, you’re fucking my girlfriend.” So I look at Marissa and I’m like “You’re someone’s girlfriend?” And she says “No.” Then it comes out Chuck just wishes she’s his girlfriend but actually she’s his cousin or something, so he’s got these feelings of guilt about wanting her…and then he starts crying. So that ruined the mood. Marissa puts her clothes on, and she goes back down through the window, back into the party. And I’m left with Chuck. Blubbering, whining, crying Chuck. And he starts in on how he’s just this total fuck up and maybe he should just throw himself off the roof. And for a split second I’m thinking “YES! Throw yourself off the roof! Do it!” But I don’t say that. I say “You’re going to get a girl, buddy, just maybe not your cousin, huh?” And then I give him a friendly pat on the back. A nice manly slap on the back. And he looked heavy, I mean, who knew he’d go flying. Who knew he’d go flying right off the roof?

Red (Theatre)

By John Logan

Ken : Bores you?! Bores you?! — Christ almighty, try working for you for a living! — The talking-talking-talking-Jesus-Christ-won’t-he-ever-shut-up titanic self-absorption of the man! You stand there trying to look so deep when you’re nothing but a solipsistic bully with your grandiose self-importance and lectures and arias and let’s-look-at-the- fucking-canvas-for-another-few-weeks-let’s-not-fucking-paint-let’s-just-look. And the pretension! I can’t imagine any other painter in the history of art ever tried so hard to be SIGNIFICANT! You know, not everything has to be so goddamn IMPORTANT all the time! Not every painting has to rip your guts out and expose your soul! Not everyone wants art that actually HURTS! Sometimes you just want a fucking still life or landscape or soup can or comic book! Which you might learn if you ever actually left your goddamn hermetically sealed submarine here with all the windows closed and no natural light — BECAUSE NATURAL LIGHT ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! …

Key Exchange (Theatre)

By Kevin Wade

Michael: If you really want to know, married life sucks. My wife left me. The composer. The guy she’s been working with. He tells her he can’t help himself. And she can’t help herself. So they’re out there somewhere helping themselves. I can’t believe it. We’re in bed. I’m trying to get something started, and she up and turns on the light and starts to cry and says we’ve got to talk. “There’s this man, Michael. You’ve met him. Eric. The musician. I don’t know how this happened. I have, we have feelings for each other. I’ve been trying to rationalize them away, pressure from the wedding, the intimacy of working together, but I can’t. I’m with you now, but I’m thinking about him, and that’s not fair to either of us. I can’t sneak around on you. I have to figure out what I’m doing. I can’t just live in this limbo.” Then we’re in the bathroom, and she’s putting all her makeup and shit into a bag, and she’s telling me that it’s nothing I’ve done, this Eric guy is totally different, they connect on a whole other level. I still can’t believe it. She starts to pack up her diaphragm and jelly, and I say can’t you hold off on the fucking until you know a little better just what the fuck you are doing? And she says physical attraction is part of what’s between them, and it’s her body. We fight. She’s really crying hard now, and she goes back into the bedroom. I see the tube of diaphragm jelly lying next to the sink. I’m nuts, you know, I’m really crazy. I empty the tube of jelly into the toilet, take my tube of muscle liniment, hold the two tubes nozzle to nozzle, and fill up the jelly tube with Tiger Balm.

Philip: So great. So we get keys made for each other’s apartments. So then you know what happens? I’ll tell you what happens. Maybe one night I’m at a party, a bar, whatever, and I met a girl, and right off we know it’s a mutual attraction situation, and we have a little chat and a drink maybe, and next thing you know we’re in a cab, and there’s a physical thing that’s happening, and we’re chewing each other’s faces and trying to decide where to go, you know, your place or mine, only hold the phone here, there is no decision to be made, because you’ve got a key to my place, and I don’t know if you’ve dropped by or what, and I don’t want to chance putting either you or me in that awkward situation, so it’s off to her place somewhere in the East Eighties where I’ve got to climb over her two roommates and three cats to do it on a foam mattress on the floor real, real quiet like because Sally my roommate has a commercial callback at nine- thirty in the morning and this whole time I’m having some resentment towards you because your having a key meant that it had to be the cats and the floor and Sally the roommate asleep or nothing.

This is Our Youth (Theatre)

By Kenneth Lonergan

Warren: I don’t really get what you’re upset about. I thought we had a really good time together and I was actually in a fairly Up state of mind for once. Well, I didn’t mean that in any kind of lascivious way, so I don’t know why you want to take it like that. I really like you. I’m sorry I said anything to Dennis. I definitely caved in to the peer pressure. But I also definitely said as little as possible and was totally respectful of you in the way I talked about you. Even though I was pretty excited about what happened last night, and also about like, maybe like, the prospect of like, I don’t know, like going out with you – Which I would be very into, if you were. But if you want to think the whole meant nothing to me, then go ahead because that’s not the case. It’s totally weird, like, taking all your clothes off and having sex with someone you barely know, and then being like “What’s up now?” You know? Like it’s such an intense experience but then nobody knows what to fuckin’ say, even though nothing really bad actually happened. You know? I really like you… I don’t really agree with most of your opinions…but I don’t meet a lot of people who can actually make me think, you know? And who can hold their own in an interesting discussion. And who I’m totally hot for at the same time. You know? It’s a fairly effective combination.

Goodbye Charles (Theatre)

The Fact Checker: I’m not the kind of guy who spends hundreds on a last minute flight, back to New York, tears across town, then run up six flights of stairs and knocks on my best friend’s girlfriend’s door in order to run off and elope with her based on one crazy, thoughtless, inexplicable romantic night. So what am I doing here, Audrey? I’m not passionate. I’m a fact checker for Christ’s sake. And the fact of me – being here – doesn’t check out. It’s nuts! Soul mates? I don’t believe in them. Never have. So how can I be yours? The fact is, you hardly know me! And I hardly know you! Now your boyfriend, I’ve known since kindergarten. Am I really willing to throw all those years of friendship away based on…what? Some feeling? Because the fact is you are in a relationship. Because the fact is we just met yesterday. Because the fact is I’m not the kind of guy who falls in love. That’s a fact. A cold hard fact. And facts are supposed to be true. But the problem is….despite every fact I can muster, there’s something that still doesn’t check out. Because the truth is despite all facts to the contrary…I still love you madly. And it just defies all reason. All morality. All sense. But I do. I love you madly. And it’s not like me. And I don’t want to. But I can’t help it.

Cosi (Theatre)

By Louis Nowra

Doug : It was the fault of the psychiatrist. I’d been seeing him because of my Pyromania –  that’s a person who likes lighting fires-but you probably know that being University  educated. You know the problem with pyromania? It’s the only crime where you have to be  at the scene of it to make it a perfect crime, to give yourself satisfaction. “Course, that  means the chances of you getting caught are greater, especially if you’re standing in front  of the fire, face full of ecstasy and with a gigantic hard on. So, the cops got me and I’m sent  to the shrink. He tells me that I’ve got an unresolved problem with my mother. I think, hello,  he’s not going to tell me to do something Oedipal, like fuck her or something…but that  wasn’t the problem. My ego had taken a severe battering from her. He said I had better  resolve it, stop treating her like I was still a child. It made some sort of cosmic sense. I had  to stand up to her. So I thought about it and realised that I had to treat it like a boxing  match, get the first punch in, so to speak, to give me the upper hand in our relationship.  She had five cats. One night I rounded them up, put them in a cage, doused them with petrol and put a match to them. Well, boy, oh, boy, what a racket! They were running  around the backyard burning and howling-there’s no such thing as grace under pressure for  a burning cat, let me tell you. I hid in the shrubs when Mum came outside to see what was  happening. Totally freaked out, she did. Five of them, running around the backyard like  mobile bonfires. I figured I’d wait a couple of hours till the cats were dead and mum was  feeling a bit sorry for herself and I’d knock on the front door and say to her ‘Hi, mum, I’ve  come to talk about our unresolved conflicts’ but, oh, no, one of those cats ran into the  house. In a couple of minutes the whole bloody house was alight and within half an hour  there was no bloody front door to knock on. (a beat) If it wasn’t for that damn cat, I wouldn’t be here.

Fat Pig (Theatre)

By Neil Labute

Carter: Dude, I understand. Like, totally. I used to walk ahead of her in the mall or, you know, not tell her stuff at school so there wouldn’t be, whatever. My own mom. I mean … I’m fifteen and worried about every little thing, and I’ve got this fucking sumo wrestler in a housecoat trailing behind me. That’s about as bad as it can get! I’m not kidding you. And the thing was, I blamed her for it. I mean, it wasn’t like a disease or like some people have, thyroid or that type of deal … she just shovelled shit into her mouth all the time, had a few kids, and, bang, she’s up there at 350, maybe more. It used to seriously piss me off. My dad was always working late … golfing on weekends, and I knew it was because of her. It had to be! How’s he gonna love something that looks like that, get all sexy with her? I’m just a kid at the time, but I can remember thinking that. Yeah, it’s whatever, but … this once, in the grocery store, we’re at Albertsons and we’re pushing four baskets around – you wanna know how humiliating that shit is? – and I’m supposed to be at a game by seven, I’m on JV, and she’s just farting around in the candy isle, picking up bags of “fun size” Snickers and checking out the calories. Yeah. I mean, what is that?! So, I suddenly go off on her, like, this sophomore in high school, but I’m all screaming in her face … “Don’t look at the package, take a look in the mirror, you cow! PUT ‘EM DOWN!” Holy shit, there’s stock boys – bunch of guys I know, even – are running down the isle. Manager stumbling out of his glass booth there, the works. But you know what? She doesn’t say a word about it. Ever. Not about the swearing, the things I called her, nothing. Just this, like, one tear I see … as we’re sitting at a stoplight on the way home. That’s all.

Tom : I’m weak. That’s what I basically learned from our time together. I am a weak person, and I don’t know if I can overcome that. No, maybe I do know. Yeah. I do know that I am, and I can’t… overcome it, I mean. I think you are an amazing woman, I honestly do. And I really love what we’ve had here. Our time together… But I think that we’re very different people. Not just who we are- jobs or that kind of thing- but it does play into it as well. Factors in. We probably should’ve realized this earlier, but I’ve been so happy being near you that I just sorta overlooked it and went on. I did. But I feel it coming up now, more and more, and I just think- No, that’s bullshit, actually, the whole work thing. Forget it. (Beat.) I’m just, I feel that we should maybe stop before we get too far. It’s weird to say this, because in many ways I’m already in so deep. Care about you a lot, and that makes it superhard. But- I guess I do care what my peers think about me. Or how they view my choices and, yes, maybe that makes me not very deep, or petty, or some other word, hell, I don’t know! It’s my Achilles flaw or something. It doesn’t matter. What I’m sure of is this- we need to stop. Stop seeing each other or going out or anything like that. Because I know now how weak I am and that I’m not really deserving of you, of all you have to offer me. I can see that now. Helen… things are so tricky, life is. I want to be better… to do good and better things and to make a proper sort of decision here, but I… I can’t.

Myth, Propaganda and Disaster in Nazi Germany and Contemporary America (Theatre)

By Stephen Sewell

Max : Look, mate, I don’t know what’s happening – I just arrived, right? And, all right, I know the Americans go on with all this flag-waving, patriotic bullshit and think the rest of the world hates them, but fuck, Talbot, they’re right: the rest of the world does hate ‘em – I hate ‘em, and I want to live here! It’s envy, isn’t it? Everyone looks at what they’ve got and wants it…They just want the stuff, that’s right, isn’t it? And figure the reason they can’t get the stuff, is because the Americans are stopping them. That’s where we’re at now, and now some prick’s actually done something about it, and killed three thousand people, and the Americans are fucking mad as hell, because they know every single one of them is on that plane hurtling towards the Twin Towers and they don’t like it and they’re not going to stand for it, and they’re going to get the pricks that’re threatening them. Well, all power to George W – I don’t want the fucking pricks to win, either. There were Aussies killed up there, mate, there were English, there were Scots, there were fucking Moslems, for fuck’s sake! There was fucking everybody: everyone’s hopes were up there in those two towers….It’s a war, Talbot – It is a war. It’s a war against terror and it’s a war against ignorance, and it’s a war against prejudice and pure dumb-arsed fuckwittedness, and we’ve got to win that war, otherwise we’re fucked.

Secret Bridesmaids Business (Theatre)

By Elizabeth Coleman

James : Look, sex and love are separate things…Well, they can be, that’s all I’m saying. This thing with Naomi-okay, it should never have happened-but it didn’t have to impact on what I have with Meg. I thought that was the deal. It was a separate arrangement. She told me she just wanted a bit of fun, and now she turns around and does this…! I mean, where the hell did that come from? If I’d known Naomi felt like that I would’ve broken it off with her months ago. Well maybe. Oh shit, maybe not. But I just-I just wish women would say what they mean. You know-plainly, clearly state what they want instead of expecting you to be psychic. Meg bought me this T-shirt at the Warner Brothers store, and it’s got a picture of Superman on it. He’s wearing this perplexed expression and he’s saying you want me to leap tall buildings and be sensitive and supportive?! That’s how it is with women. They want you to slay a dragon for them one second, then cry at a guide dog commercial the next. And somehow you’re expected to guess when they want you to be controlling and when they want you to be crying-and if you don’t make the right guess at the right time it’s instantly construed as proof that you don’t love them enough. If you really loved me you wouldn’t need to ask. How many times have I heard that? Well I’m sorry, I’ve loved a few people a lot, but no-one’s ever stepped out of the shadows and handed me a crystal ball. Anyway, I know I’m trying to change the subject. The fact is, I’ve been acting like a prick.

Ruben Guthrie (Theatre)

By Brendan Cowell

Ruben : School school school school school.

Fuck, um – well my parents sent me to a boarding school. I mean how hard is it to have one kid asleep at night in your house how hard is it but no . . . boarding school! Look, I gotta say I wasn’t like ‘this’ at boarding school, I didn’t like getting smashed on rocket fuel and talking about vaginas, honestly I had no interest in Alcohol at all. I spent my money on magazines and electronics – fashion mostly. By the time I reached Year Eight I had fifteen pairs of jeans. So of course the rugby guys and the rowing guys and the wrestling guys would come in at night and they’d pin me down and get it out of their system – the rage. ‘Nice shoes faggot – you got mousse in your hair let’s put mousse in his anus!’ I’d be flipping through MAD magazine and just put the thing down and take it. Fine. But then this guy called Corey joined our school, and suddenly all that stopped. Corey was older than me, bigger than me and a whole lot cooler than me. He drove a black Suzuki Vitara had five earrings and the word ‘Fuck’ tattooed inside his lip. My mum was always saying ‘bring Corey with you on the weekend’ and she’d go all flushed and wear low-cut tops in the kitchen. To this day I don’t know why he chose me but he did.

The Good Father (Theatre)

By Christian O’Reilly

Tim : So I decided to go to the doctor. And I don’t know about you, but I hate doctors. Terrify me. ‘Course it was a woman doctor. Jesus, I nearly ran out of the place. But then I was thinkin’, well what would I like better – have a woman or a man feeling me…? So that made it easier. Even so, it was, you know, embarrassin’ – and the mad thing is the room was upstairs with the curtains open and didn’t the 19A fly past – and the whole top deck nearly broke their necks for a gander. She closed the curtains after that. So I start tellin’ her about my mole and cancer and all this and she starts feelin’ me – like she had plastic gloves on and I was lyin’ on this bed, like a baby almost –

That’s the thing. She looks at me and says, ‘Are you aware that you only have one testicle?’ Well, I nearly dropped, or I would have only she was holding me by the – and obviously one of them hadn’t dropped, or somethin’. ‘You’re jokin’?’ I says. She says, ‘Surely you must have noticed?’ But that was the thing. I always just assumed I had two. Like I never bothered countin’ them. I thought, I dunno, I thought maybe they were so close together they felt like one, or maybe when one was down there, the other was off doing somethin’ else – like I dunno, I just never thought about it. So she tells me then that I might have what they call an ‘undescended testes’, meanin’ that one dropped, but the other didn’t…she said I’d have to get it checked out, cos if there was one still up there it would have to be removed because, guess what – it could become cancerous. So she gives me this letter to bring to a urologist at the hospital. I make an appointment, six weeks later in I go.

He tells me there’s a one in four chance I’m not fertile, that I can’t be a father, like. I says. ‘Like is there a way of findin’ out whether I’m fertile or not?’ So he tells me there’s a sperm analysis test that I can do if I really want to. Anyway, I go off and a couple of weeks later I go back for the ultrasound. An’ I’m delighted, like, that I don’t have cancer – cancer of the missin’ ball, an’ I’m thinkin’ I’ve a great story for the lads if ever I had the nerve to tell them, but all I’m thinkin’ is, Am I fertile or not’? Can I be a dad or not?

Like I didn’t know until that moment just how much I wanted to be a father. It’s stupid, but like I’d started imaginin’ it, what I’d be like, walkin’ around with a little fella holdin’ me hand, teachin’ him how to cross the road, or a little girl and holdin’ her up in the air – the way they look down at you, they’re so amazed to be up high. And bein’ a good father like – encouragin’ your kids, givin’ them a tenner if they’re stuck, askin’ them how they are, always knowin’ if somethin’ was up, bein’ there for them, bein’ there for them always, always… givin’ your life for them, givin’ your life to them – fuckin’ hell, that’s the kind of person you want to be somebody, more of those kind of people, the kind of person I want to be. Father I wanted to be.

Much Ado About Nothing (Theatre)

By William Shakespeare

Benedick: Act 2 Scene 3 This can be no trick. The conference was sadly borne; they have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady. It seems her affections have their full bent. Love me? Why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured: they say I will bear myself proudly if I perceive the love come from her. They say too that she will rather die than give any sign of affection. I did never think to marry. I must not seem proud; happy are they that hear their detractions and can put them to mending. They say the lady is fair – ’tis a truth, I can bear them witness. And virtuous – ’tis so, I cannot reprove it. And wise, but for loving me. By my troth, it is no addition to her wit – nor no great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her. I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me because I have railed so long against marriage. But doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career his humour? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead (Theatre)

By Tom Stoppard

Rosencrantz: Do you ever think of yourself as actually dead, lying in a box with a lid on it?

Nor do I, really… It’s silly to be depressed by it. I mean one thinks of it like being alive in a box, one keeps forgetting to take into account the fact that one is dead… which should make a difference… shouldn’t it? I mean, you’d never know you were in a box, would you? It would be just like being asleep in a box. Not that I’d like to sleep in a box, mind you, not without any air – you’d wake up dead, for a start and then where would you be? Apart from inside a box. That’s the bit I don’t like, frankly. That’s why I don’t think of it…

Because you’d be helpless, wouldn’t you? Stuffed in a box like that, I mean you’d be in there for ever. Even taking into account the fact that you’re dead, really… ask yourself, if I asked you straight off – I’m going to stuff you in this box now, would you rather be alive or dead? Naturally, you’d prefer to be alive. Life in a box is better than no life at all. I expect. You’d have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking – well, at least I’m not dead! In a minute someone’s going to bang on the lid and tell me to come out. (Banging on the floor with his fists.)

‘Hey you, whatsyername! Come out of there!’

I wouldn’t think about it, if I were you. You’d only get depressed.

Comedy Monologues Men

Comedic Monologues from Film

The notebook (film).

Lon : You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about why we shouldn’t get married. At first, I couldn’t think of any reasons. But then it dawned on me. The one dark secret that will absolutely be the wedge that keeps us apart. Your parents. Dear old Mom and Dad. You see, here’s the problem. They love me. I am exactly the type of man your parents want you to marry. From the south, have a good job… And an absolutely wonderful dancer, if I do say so myself. If you marry me, your parents will be ecstatic, and you will have lost a lifelong battle of defiance against them. See what I’m saying? I think you have to marry me. Because if you do, your parents will always know the unhappiness you feel for not being able to disappoint them. Imagine the guilt they would feel for not allowing you to choose your husband unwisely. They’d be racked with guilt. They’d be miserable. So even though you’ve technically lost, you’ve really won.

12 Monkeys (Film)

Jeffrey : WHO CARES WHAT PSYCHIATRISTS WRITE ON WALLS? (moves to Fale, jabs him with a finger) You think I told her about the Army of the 12 Monkeys? Impossible! Know why, you pathetically ineffectual and pusillanimous “pretend-friend-to-animals”?! I’ll tell you why: because when I had anything to do with her six years ago, there was no such thing — I hadn’t even thought of it yet!

JEFFREY abruptly switches from rage to good humor, adopting a supercilious smile and a patronizing tone.

Here’s my theory on that. While I was institutionalized, my brain was studied exhaustively in the guise of mental health. I was interrogated, x-rayed, studied thoroughly. Then, everything about me was entered into a computer where they created a model of my mind.

They all stare, mesmerized, at the strutting JEFFREY. Is he serious? Is he crazy? Doesn’t matter — he’s charismatic.

Then, using the computer model, they generated every thought I could possibly have in the next, say ten years, which they then filtered through a probability matrix to determine everything I was going to do in that period. So you see, she knew I was going to lead the Army of the Twelve Monkeys into the pages of history before it ever even occurred to me. She knows everything I’m ever going to do before I know it myself. How about that? Now I have to get going — do my part. You guys check all this stuff out and load up the van. Make sure you have everything. I’m outta here.

Adventureland (Film)

Pete: Hey, Lisa. We’re partners today. So, it’s official. My friend Boomer’s hooking me up a job at the Mercedes dealership on Jericho Turnpike. I’m totally psyched. I get a car right away. Way under list price, payments deducted from my check. I’m gonna go for a 560, convertible, in gold, with leather interior, all the options. I’m even gonna get a compact disc player. Gonna be insane. So, hey, Lise – you wanna go see Judas Priest at Nassau Coliseum? My friend Fitzy can get me floor seats.

James : Um. We’re talking about intercourse? Well, okay, um… There were a few times that I could’ve done that. But none of those times were quite right. (defensive) There were circumstances. For instance, okay, junior year I dated this girl, Sue Hornick. Sue was kind of prude. One day, I was reading some Shakespeare and realized – I don’t really love this person… It was one of the sonnets. Y’know, about authentic love. I thought this isn’t it, I have to breakup. I went straight to Sue’s house and was literally about to tell her – and that’s the night she said she finally wanted to have sex. Can you believe it? That was the night!

500 Days of Summer (Film)

Tom : Alison? Listen… It’s great to meet you, really. You’re a very attractive girl. But I should tell you right off the bat … this is not going anywhere.

It’s not you. It’s me. You seem like a real sweet girl and I, just, I don’t want you to get hurt. You know what I mean?

I know we just met like 3 minutes ago but you’re probably looking for someone to get serious with, someone with potential … someone who will take you out to eat a few times, see a movie, fool around a little bit, next thing you know we’re getting a dog and you’re moving in. And that’s not me. You want to come inside, have some chicken fingers awesome. But that other stuff I gotta tell you up front … I’m just not ready, Alison.

I liked this girl. Loved her even. And what did she do? She took a giant shit on my face. Literally. Not literally. Jesus, that’s disgusting, what’s wrong with you? The point is I’m messed up. On one hand, I want to forget her. On the other, I think she’s the only person on Earth who can make me happy.

Every time I think I’m over the hump, I’ll have a dream or I’ll see some girl who looks like her from the back. And that’s it. Back to square one. And you know what… I’m gonna get her back.

50 First Dates (Film)

Henry : My grandparents. He was a political prisoner in Argentina. She was a human rights observer sent to interview him. When it was time for her to leave, he asked if he could look at her face for a while so that he would have something beautiful to remember in the long months ahead. He stared at her for a whole hour.

One year later, she went back for a second interview. He reached under his bunk and he showed her a little chip of wood. On this chip he had laboriously painted my grandmother’s face, using ashes mixed with water for ink, and his own hair as a paintbrush. He did it from memory, but it was a perfect likeness of her. She looked at it, and then she looked at him. The moment their eyes met, they fell in love.

For the next three years, they were allowed to see each other only once a year for two hours. But they wrote the most incredible, passionate letters every day, and they really made those two hours count. Thanks to her efforts, my grandfather was finally released, and they moved to the U.S. But every year, to this day, they spend a couple of weeks apart and then when they miss each other so much they can’t stand it, they meet in a tiny hotel room for exactly two hours and re-live the passion of their youth.

I embellished a little. They met in a donut shop.

30 Minutes or Less (Film)

Nick : Stop! Just don’t come any closer. I’m gonna give you the short version of an incredibly complicated and f— up situation, so please be cool. (beat) Some very bad guys strapped a bomb to my chest and they are forcing me to commit a crime. I wish I was joking, but I’m not. I know it’s a lot to swallow, but you gotta take it on face value, because there’s a timer attached to this thing and it’s counting down. I didn’t come here for help. I’m taking care of it. I came here because, should things not work out today as I would like them to, I want you to know why I was doing the things I did. (struggling) Do you remember when you found that picture in my car of you, me and Chet, with Chet cut out of it? I need you to remember about the picture, and about how I stop by your office every Friday, and how I’ve always hated all your boyfriends, and how the two girls I’ve ever seriously dated have looked like less attractive versions of you. Do you see where I’m going with this? I love you Kate. I have for a very long time.

I’m sorry to do this to you, but I was afraid I’d never get the chance to tell you. And I know you have feelings for me, too. Maybe you feel for me the way you feel for a good friend, or – if the world f— hates me – a brother. But what I hope is that you don’t really know how you feel for me, and that maybe when you figure it out you’ll realize it’s the same way I feel for you. Does that make any sense?

Wet Hot American Summer (Film)

Gene : I wanna thank all of you for a terrific summer. Cooking for all you nice people has really helped me get over the fact that I fought in the Vietnam War. Have a great winter, I’m gonna go hump the fridge. Yes folks, it’s true. I said I’m gonna go hump the fridge. What you may not know is that I also own a bottle of dick cream, I fondle my sweaters, and I often like to smear mud on my ass. You’re probably as yourselves, “Isn’t he a wierdo, outcast, loose cannon?” Maybe. I don’t think so.

I wanna introduce you guys to someone. This is my friend. (Holding a can of vegetables.) I don’t know who he is, but I do know this: At a time when I was trying to hide myself from myself, he was there to show me a new way. ‘Cause I couldn’t hide from him. And I can be proud of who I am. I put it to you, Camp Firewood, as we spend the last dinner together: Be proud of who you are. Look at me, Ma, I made it! I’m okay! Now if you don’t mind, I have some unfinished business to attend to.

About the Author

StageMilk Team

is made up of professional actors, acting coaches and writers from around the world. This team includes Andrew, Alex, Emma, Jake, Jake, Indiana, Patrick and more. We all work together to contribute useful articles and resources for actors at all stages in their careers.

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Monologues, Scenes, Plays, Scripts

10 Funny Skits for 2 People 1

10 Funny Skits for 2 People

Here’s 10 Funny Skits for 2 People you won’t find anywhere else accept on MB.  Each week new play scripts are produced and published for you.

Our scripts range from character driven stories, to slapstick, to the ridiculous, but one thing is certain, it’s all in good humor.  Enjoy!

SHRIBBLE Frank promised his wife Valerie that he would go vegan with her, however, the task has been way more difficult than Frank ever thought.

LESS SOAP, MORE BLOOD An ambitious actress doesn’t want to make a living by doing soap commercials any longer.

THERE HE IS Pete loves his new job, but is challenged by a co-worker who won’t leave him alone for a second.

MELTING AWAY Another holiday for this lovely couple except that Brian can’t stop complaining about the heat.

NOBODY CARES Maggie is a retail stores representative who takes her job extremely seriously makes sure no potential customer ever leaves the store without making a purchase.

10 Outlandish Comedy Scripts for Acting Practice

ACROSS THE FACE Bobby lends his ex brother-in-law money so he can put on a play, but as he watches rehearsals he begins to believe he can direct the play himself.

DARLING FACE Beverly’s fantasy of being a newly wedded wife is nothing like she had imagined.

AN ALIEN KEEPS STEALING MY BEER Noel is tired of the little four foot alien that keeps stealing beers from his refrigerator each night.

RADY, AIM, AIM When Rose steps foot in a pee pee puddle made by her significant other, all hell breaks lose.

TALK OF TH’ TOWN It’s Christmas again, which means Peter has to run for cover when it comes to his wife’s cooking.

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2 Minute Speech Topics for Students

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What is a 2-Minute Speech?

When it comes to delivering a speech, there are many factors to consider, such as the duration and content. A two-minute speech is an excellent option for those wishing to succinctly and effectively convey their message. This type of speech usually consists of 260-350 words. This practice of a 2-minute speech enhances students’ public speaking skills. 

A two-minute speech is brief, but it has its advantages. When deciding on a speech topic, consider your audience and their interests. You want to choose a particular topic that they can relate to, and that is relevant to their lives. The given topic could be about a current event, a social issue, or something humorous they can enjoy. A two-minutes speech is a great way to make a concise and effective presentation.

How to Find a 2-Minute Speech Topic?

You may need to look into a few things before diving right into your English speech topics research. These will help you get through the next step, which is researching for your 2-minute speech topics. Among them are:

  • Understanding the Event 

When choosing English speech topics, it is crucial to consider the occasion or event for which the narration is intended. This helps in making the speech effective. This involves understanding the speeches’ purpose and the expectations of the audience and the host. Recognizing the occasion enables you to tailor your speech’s tone, content, and style to fit the specific needs of the occasion. Topics based on these factors help you deliver crisp speeches. 

For instance, a piece delivered at a wedding will have a different tone and content than the one delivered at a business conference. One in the wedding may be more personal and emotional, while a business conference speech may be a more formal and informative speech. Moreover, recognizing the occasion helps you to connect with your audience and maintain their attention throughout your speech. You can use relevant anecdotes, jokes, and references that are specific to the occasion to engage your listeners and make your speech more memorable.

  • Understand the Audience 

Knowing your audience is one of the key factors that can make or break a speech. To make your idea more effective, you should better understand who your potential audience might be.

Start by identifying the demographic that makes up the majority of your audience. This information will help you tailor your speeches to their interests and needs. For instance, if you’re speaking to a young audience, choose a subject relevant to their generation, such as online learning or how to tackle bullying. On the other hand, if your audience consists mostly of older individuals, choose a topic more reflective of their life experiences and interests, like financial literacy, political campaigns, etc.  

Understanding your audience will allow you to select a topic based on what will resonate with them right from the start. This will help you capture their attention and keep them engaged throughout your speech.

  • Purpose of the Two Minutes Speech 

To ensure that your presentation is relevant and engaging for your audience, it’s important to determine the purpose of your speech before you start researching. Doing so allows you to tailor your subject matter and approach to your audience’s needs and interests.

When deciding on the purpose of your speech, consider whether you want to provide in-depth information about the topic or if you’re aiming to persuade your audience about a particular point of view or product. If you provide detailed information, you must ensure your audience has enough background knowledge to understand the subject. On the other hand, if you’re trying to persuade your audience, you’ll need to focus on presenting your ideas clearly and compellingly.

Overall, taking the time to determine the purpose of your speech before you start researching will help you deliver a more effective and impactful presentation.

Dive into an Archive of 2 Minute Speech Examples

A 2-minute speech can be on anything, from historical events to current affairs. Just make sure it’s interesting and appropriate for the occasion. Below are wide-ranging examples of 2-minute speech ideas that you can use as a jumping-off point for creating a compelling piece of your own.

Check This 2 Minute Speech Example

100 2-Minute Speech Topics for Students

Below are 100 English speech topics for students that you can conveniently present in 2 minute. The examples for 2-minute speech topics for students given below are divided into categories. 

Persuasive Speech Topics 

  • Do collegiate athletes deserve the same compensation as professional athletes?
  • Co-education importance – an idea of the modern generation?
  • Is college education a must for everyone?
  • What advantages come with taking a year off before attending college?
  • Would the standard of online education increase or decrease if professors were not granted tenure and job security?
  • Should cars that run on fuel be outlawed?
  • In what ways does reducing human paper consumption benefit the environment?
  • Is it acceptable to keep exotic animals as pets?
  • Is it appropriate to outlaw hunting?
  • Which environmental threat is the greatest right now, and how should we address it?

English Speech Topics on Politics and Society 

  • What steps could politicians take to convince the public of racism reservation importance?
  • Should inmates be allowed to vote?
  • Would it be preferable if elected officials had conflict-resolution skills?
  • Should the police use rubber bullets in place of actual bullets?
  • Are the rights of inmates threatened by private, for-profit prisons?
  • Should more or less money be allocated to the US military? 
  • Is it necessary to meet more stringent requirements to be eligible for welfare assistance?
  • Is our two-party system adequate, or does it need to be changed?
  • Do large companies have a role to play in political discourse?
  • How might the United States’ current policy regarding undocumented immigrants be made better?

English Speech Topics on Science and Technology

  • Is it appropriate to outlaw animal testing?
  • Does everyone need to donate their organs, or should it be mandatory?
  • Could technology excessive usage pose a danger?
  • Should parents be permitted to modify their children’s genes through science?
  • Which renewable energy option is the best?
  • Is it appropriate for the armed forces to employ drones for combat?
  • Should autonomous vehicles be prohibited?
  • Does the internet’s value justify the privacy it takes away besides its smart work?
  • Should businesses not be allowed to sell the personal information of their customers?
  • Should the Internet be subject to stricter government regulation?

Demonstrative Speech Ideas on Schools and Students

  • Why are books preferable to movies?
  • Describe the most amazing inventions you have ever seen.
  • Artificial Intelligence for academic success.
  • What makes emotional intelligence for school students?
  • Was time management skills easier to develop before the invention of technology?
  • Talk about the consequences of sleep deprivation among students.
  • Describe the value of a positive attitude in higher learning.
  • Talk about personal growth for career readiness.
  • Talk about the problem of cyberbullying and abuse on the internet.
  • Talk about the value of lifelong learning.

Motivational Speech Topics 

  • Promoting An Inclusive And Diverse Culture Unleashing Critical Thinking Skills
  • Accepting Originality And Innovation 
  • Harmonizing Positive Thinking With Well-Being
  • Body Language is Directly Related To Long-Term Prosperity
  • Getting Used To Stress Management Techniques
  • Bringing Your Dreams To Life Finding Hidden Gems To Find Inspiration 
  • Acting To Get Outcomes Getting Rid Of Constraining Beliefs
  • Accepting Your Actual Potential Accepting The Trip
  • Discovering Happiness In The Procedure Developing A Healthy Work-Life Balance
  • Giving Your Health Importance.

Persuasive Topics on Mental Health Awareness

  • Is it appropriate to place equal emphasis on mental health support as that of physical health?
  • Is it necessary for employers to offer their staff off days?
  • Should college students get access to mental health resources and education? 
  • Should routine medical check-ups include mental state screenings?
  • Should insurance providers be forced to pay for drugs and therapies related to mental stability in the same way that they do for physical health?
  • Is it appropriate to hold social media companies responsible for the detrimental impact of social media on mental health?
  • Do children’s reality shows have an impression on their mental care?
  • Is there a need for increased government funding to promote practical education benefits on mental health?
  • Should low-income individuals and families have easier access to and a lower cost of mental care?
  • Should more cultural sensitivity and diversity training be mandated for mental care professionals?

Public Speaking Persuasive Speech Topic

  • Does using social media impact one’s sense of self-worth and self-image?
  • No student should be coerced into attending specific schools.
  • Driving while texting has to be prohibited.
  • The twenty-first-century human race is to blame for climate change and global warming. 
  • Is it science fiction, or is it possible to live in space? 
  • To address the rising rates of obesity, physical exercises schools should be more active.
  • Influence of media representation on present-day fashion and beauty trends.
  • To improve accessibility to education, should all students receive free college tuition?
  • Should the minimum wage be raised to provide a strong support system for low-income workers to have better living conditions?
  • To lessen mental and physical health risks, should extracurricular activities be made a compulsory part of the modern education curriculum?

Informative Speech Topic Example 

  • Discuss the effects of ocean acidification on marine life.
  • Technology’s Function in Economic Growth Energy Alternatives
  • Personal responsibility in making investments in alternative fuels
  • Talk about the emerging technologies’ ethical dilemmas.
  • The education significance of fishing laws
  • Talk about the prospects of cover actions speak louder
  • Mothers’ Influence on Kids Practicing Self-compassion
  • The Effect of violent video games on teenagers.
  • What does capitalism’s future hold?
  • Describe the importance of leadership skills among the youth.

Trending English Speech Topics for Students 

  • The impact of social media is to blame for the pressure women face to have perfect bodies.
  • Public transport free is important for students.
  • Private schools are not better than those run by the government.
  • Coed schools are superior to single-gender ones.
  • We need to hold bystanders accountable for their failure to intervene when there is an issue at school.
  • For LGBT students, older homosexual role models are essential.
  • Peer pressure is good or bad.
  • Students who work on the weekends develop greater responsibility.
  • Does the childcare sector benefit from robotics now and in the future?
  • Academic work should take precedence over social life for students.

Miscellaneous 2 Minutes Speech Topics

Both online and offline schools teach sign language. The two-minute speech topics listed below will help develop normal and specially-abled kids’ communication skills and public speaking.

  • Deforestation and the Trafficking of Wildlife
  • What is the status of communism today?
  • The value of educating a young girl.
  • Biodiversity Loss and Deforestation
  • In capitalism, corporate social responsibility
  • Discuss the difficulties faced by immigrants.
  • How Important It Is to Maintain Hygiene
  • Strategies for advancing gender parity in the workplace.
  • Organ Donation: The Value of Education Rights
  • How to close the wealth and poverty gaps.

Tips to Prepare and Present a 2-Minute Speech

Two-minute speeches allow the student to present a lot of information in a much-sorted way, thus enhancing their speaking capabilities. As a speech writer and presenter, keep the following in mind – 

  • Choose a relevant topic
  • Research well on the given idea
  • Prepare a proper structure for the speech writing 
  • Analyse the event 
  • Know your audience 
  • Highlight the core message
  • Prepare an intro
  • Frame a conclusion

With these, you are ready to present your 2-minute narration.

This guide will help every student preparing the two-minute narration to choose a topic that expresses a significant message. The topics listed above are a few relevant and popular ones. You can take inspiration from them to frame your own!

Grace Turner

Grace Turner

I am Grace Turner. I have been passionate about writing ever since I was a child. That's what inspired me to pursue a PhD in English and make a career as a higher education administrator. All the time spent earning a PhD introduced me to the hardships, one faces working on essays and dissertations. Though I am a HEA, I am keen on sharing my experiences and knowledge about essay writing with students worldwide. So, I also work as an English essay writing expert for, helping students tackle essay tasks like a pro. When I am not at my workplace or writing essays, I'mI'm probably cooking something delicious for my family or reading an epic suspense thriller.

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