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“The Forty Rules of Love” by Elif Shafak: Summary, Lessons, Key Takeaways

“The Forty Rules of Love” by Elif Shafak is a captivating novel that weaves together two parallel narratives – one set in the 13th century, centered around the famous poet Rumi and his spiritual teacher Shams Tabriz, and the other in the modern-day, following Ella Rubinstein, a Jewish housewife and mother. The book delves into themes of love, spirituality, and self-discovery, offering readers a profound journey of transformation. In this article, we’ll explore the key elements of the book, its characters, lessons learned, and the impactful takeaways it offers.

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20 Life Lessons From “The Forty Rules of Love” By Elif Shafak

Table of Contents

To enjoy the journey of life and beyond…

Life is a series of choices made…

If You Agree,

The novel “The Forty Rules of Love” by Elif Shafak is a magnanimous piece of work that will compel everyone to take a step behind and reconsider the choices and decisions they have ever taken in their lives.

It is true that success can never be measured by the amount of money you make in a lifetime. With its 40 rules, this novel teaches you how to find the right meaning of your existence, which will make your life worthwhile. 

20 Life-Changing Lessons From The Book “The Forty Rules Of Love”

Ella Rubinstein is a woman in her late 30s who has no passion in her life. She has accepted her life without any complaints. She is tired of her life in the same house, with a husband and two children.

She comes across a literary agency where she gets an opportunity to find her lost love for literature. She is given the task to edit a book titled “The Sweet Blasphemy” by the author and Sufi–inspired Aziz Zahara.

The text “The Sweet Blasphemy” is inspired by the great companionship of Shams of Tabrizi and the world-renowned Persian poet Rumi.  

The novel proceeds with Shams of Tabrizi teaching all the valuable lessons he has learned in his life to Rumi, who, later, goes on to etch his name in the genre of poetry. 

These 20 life lessons sum up the gist of this book authored by Elif Shafak.

1. Putting Efforts Is The Most Important Thing

Despite living the life that we want, some of us still feel void. It’s a certain emptiness within that can’t be defined in words. It is the result of life without passion. 

Some of us, even after knowing that the life we are leading is meaningless, refuse to make efforts to improve it. The novel teaches us that we are the masters of our lives. 

To bring happiness, peace, and satisfaction to our life, we need to feel responsible for it and keep putting effort. Without effort, adding meaning to life will be impossible. 

2. Love Is Not Just About Lovers Or Life Partners

Love is the most underrated and overrated emotion in the world: underrated in terms of its knowledge and overrated in terms of its perception. The novel interprets the idea of love in the most amazing way.

The book shows the importance of having a teacher, a companion, or a friend in life. Having such a person in our life is a divine feeling. Rumi was clueless about love in this novel until he finds a companion and a teacher in Shams of Tabrizi, who changed his life.

The companionship in this novel highlights the true meaning of love in the world. It tells us that love is beyond relationships or marriage. The definition of love is divine, spiritual, and universal.

3. You Should Be Open To Changes In Your Life

The novel explains to us that rigidity or refusal to change or accept anything new will bring hatred and unhappiness within and around us. 

The novel teaches us that life shouldn’t be filled with rules and regulations. A person should be able to accept love, knowledge, and other people in their life. 

A person should not only know how to embrace newness but should be very determined to come out of the bubble in which ordinary life is compelling them to stay inside.  

4. Patience Is A Very Important Virtue

Patience is considered to be a fundamental virtue in this novel. It explains that losing patience is the easiest thing to do in this world. But, maintaining our calm and working towards our goal is the most difficult thing to do.

The true meaning of patience is farsightedness, which means trusting the end of the process. It means waiting and knowing that the crescent moon is going to turn into a full moon. 

To achieve greatness, one needs to practice and achieve patience in every aspect of their life. Without patience, our life will be nothing but a big mess.

5. Life Is A Roller-Coaster Ride

We might not always experience what we want to. Life is full of surprises. Some make you happy and some make you melancholic. But, the secret to a fulfilling life is to accept all the surprises with a smiling face. 

This novel emphasizes a carefree spirit, leaving all the worries, and being stress–free. If you focus on positive vibes, more positive things in the universe will be on your course.  

6. How To Find Powerful And True Relationships In Life

This novel is like a quest for finding the true purpose of life. Finding the true purpose of life is through connecting yourself to God and finding love. 

The novel teaches us how to find true relationships and love in our life. In multiple instances, it is mentioned in the novel that if any relationship has a positive impact on your life or has the capacity to change you, then it is as pure as God. 

Hence, if there’s the power of love, power of impact, and the power to change in any relationship, then that kind of relationship will be divine. 

7. Importance Of A Spiritual Quest

The novel talks about how a person is very active, energetic, and vibrant in his 20s and how he only thinks about having a good time. In his 30s, a person aims for a settled and secluded life. It is only in the 40s that a person starts looking for spirituality. 

It highlights that this time which marks the onset of a spiritual quest in someone’s life is the most impactful and life-changing. This quest will give you wisdom and knowledge for a lifetime. We should happily embrace it.

8. Listen To Your Heart 

The novel teaches us that the solution to every problem we face in our life lies within ourselves. We just need to believe in ourselves and listen to our hearts. 

In this fast-paced world and lifestyle, we tend to be too practical and never listen to what our heart actually wants. This is the root cause of most of the problems we face. 

It is very basic. Everyone knows about it but only a few follow. This is why it becomes so important to emphasize it.

9. How To Change Our Perception Toward Life And People

Love, according to the novel, is an antidote to most of the problems in the world. If we choose to treat people with love and respect, we will automatically change our perspective of others.

The novel talks about a drunkard and how Shams of Tabrizi chose love to change the drunkard’s life. The world hated that drunkard, but Shams chose love to show him the right path. 

This shows how nothing else but love can change a person’s life. 

10. Always Be Grateful

The novel teaches us to trust God no matter what. It tells us that when every door to life is closed, trust God to open a new one for you. With trust comes gratitude, which is the most important quality of life. 

It is very easy to be thankful when everything is fine. One should not just be thankful to God for everything that he has given to you, but also for things they have been denied. 

Gratitude for even the tiniest things in our life will make our life truly happy. 

11. Importance Of Hardships In Life

Hardships are the connecting path of life to success. Without crossing them, one can never achieve what they are meant to.

A midwife knows that if there’s no pain, then the way for the baby to come out cannot be opened, and the mother can never give birth. Likewise, for a new self to be born, hardships are inevitable. 

Without heat, clay can’t be molded. Likewise, without hardships, a person cannot achieve what he is truly capable of. 

12. Beware Of Fake People In Your Journey

The book tells us that there are more fake people in this world than the stars in the sky. Hence, you must know how to differentiate between right/wrong and true/false.

A genuine soul will direct the way to your heart and will let you focus on your inner self. These people are as transparent as glass.

Hence, we should not consider power–driven and self–centered people as our role models and be aware of the reality of their fake personalities. 

13. We Should Accept Everyone With Their Flaws

Each and every person is God’s creation. Hence, we should love each and every one as no one is unblemished or infallible. Everyone has a set of flaws. If we don’t accept the imperfections of people, we will never have happiness and peace in our life. 

There is no wisdom without love and acceptance.

Quoting from the book, “Unless we learn to love God’s creation, we can neither truly love nor know God.“

14. The Real Devil Is Inside Us

The book beautifully explains that a devil is not an external entity that attacks you; but, is an ordinary voice within us. 

If we accept our reality with honesty and sincerity and know both our bright and dark sides, our souls will reach a supreme level of happiness and self–consciousness. 

If one truly knows himself, only then can he have the knowledge and capacity to know God.

15. The Concept Of Hell And Heaven

The world in general has portrayed the picture of hell and heaven in a very bad way. 

According to the book, it’s very easy. Hell and heaven both exist at this very moment. If we treat someone with kindness, love, and respect, it is heaven. If we treat someone with hatred and envy, it is hell.

Hence, hell and heaven are not “afterlife” concepts, but concepts that must be applied in this life in reality. 

16. Practice Compassion

According to the novel, the universe is a single entity, and we all are interconnected like a web. Hence, it becomes really important to practice compassion and make sure that you never cause harm intentionally.

The quote “One man’s joy will make everyone smile. One man’s pain will hurt us all,” goes on to explain that the entire universe is one.

17. Always Be Careful Of Your Words

Never gossip behind someone’s back, because your words do not just vanish, they stay in this infinite space and create negative energy in the world. These words are gonna come back to you one day.

Gossiping and talking ill about someone is a vicious deed filled with negative energy. Instead of this, we should try and appreciate that person for 40 days and look at how things change between us and them.

18. Don’t Put Everything On Destiny

People have derived the meaning of things according to what pleases them. Thinking that everything is predestined and leaving it entirely to destiny is called irresponsibility and ignorance.

You can’t leave everything to fate and stop putting in the effort. You have to sync yourself to the music of the universe and keep working, without thinking about the results.

Destiny can be considered as the instrument you are given to play with. But, how well you play that instrument is solely in your hands.

19. Always Stay Grounded No Matter What 

Every person wants to achieve something and become someone. They work toward it and eventually achieve it. But, we must always remember that everything is temporary. 

We are like pots. We can decorate ourselves as much on the outside; but on the inside, we are empty, and we should always remember that materialistic things like success, fame, and wealth aren’t going to last long. 

Hence, one should always be kind and grounded.

20. Always Believe In Karma

The book assures that no action in this world will ever go unreciprocated. If someone is laying a trap for you, then, remember that God is laying a bigger trap for them. God is the ultimate and the biggest plotter of this universe. 

Always be careful of your actions because, sooner or later, it’s gonna come back to you.

These are 20 life lessons that beautifully summarize the message of the novel “The Forty Rules Of Love” by Elif Shafak .

These rules not only teach us the right way of living life but also, the easiest and the most practical way to stay connected to the supreme entity of this universe.

Next time you are in doubt or suffering from anxiety or emptiness, go through these rules of love once again.

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The Forty Rules Of Love Summary, Review, and Themes

The Forty Rules of Love  is a novel written by Elif Shafak . The book was originally published on March 01, 2009. This is an interesting read with two ongoing stories side by side in different eras. In this write-up, we will go through a quick summary, review, and themes of the novel. 

The Forty Rules of Love – Summary

“The Forty Rules of Love” is a novel by Elif Shafak that weaves together two parallel narratives. One is set in the 13th century during the life of the renowned poet Rumi, and the other in the present day, following Ella Rubinstein, a middle-aged woman searching for meaning in her life.

The story begins with a heart-wrenching incident of Ella getting cheated on by her husband. To move forward in life with this burden, she gets a new job as a reviewer. Her first task is to review the book , Sweet Blasphemy . It is the other part of the book has the story of the Shams of Tabriz and Maulana Rumi.

The story’s start can be summarized from the lines in the book, which encapsulate the idea that “Love has this quality to transform humans and allow them to see things differently.”

“Every true love and friendship is a story of an unexpected transformation. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven’t loved enough.”

Ella’s life takes an unexpected turn when she is assigned to read a manuscript titled “Sweet Blasphemy” by a mysterious author named Aziz Zahara.

As Ella delves into the manuscript, she becomes engrossed in the story of Rumi and his spiritual teacher, Shams of Tabriz.

The story of Rumi and Shams unfolds in the 13th century. Rumi, a respected Islamic scholar and preacher, encounters the eccentric dervish, Shams.

Initially skeptical of Shams’ unorthodox beliefs and practices, Rumi soon becomes deeply drawn to him and embarks on a transformative spiritual journey.

Through their intense friendship, Rumi learns to embrace love in its purest form, transcending societal norms and religious boundaries.

As Ella reads the manuscript, she becomes captivated by the profound teachings contained within the forty rules of love, which Shams imparts to Rumi.

These rules serve as a guide to embracing love and spirituality, challenging conventional notions of religion, and encouraging individuals to seek a deeper connection with themselves and the world around them.

Ella’s own life begins to mirror the spiritual awakening experienced by Rumi and Shams. She embarks on a personal journey of self-discovery. She questions her beliefs and reevaluates her relationships.

Through the transformative power of love and spirituality, Ella learns to find her own voice and follows her heart’s desires.

Ultimately, she breaks free from the confines of her unhappy marriage and pursues a life of fulfillment.

In short, “The Forty Rules of Love” is a tale of love’s transformative power, both in the past and the present. It beautifully explores the universal themes of connection, personal growth, and the search for meaning in life.

By intertwining the stories of Rumi and Ella, Elif Shafak invites readers to reflect on the profound impact love and spirituality can have on one’s life, reminding us of the timeless wisdom that lies within the forty rules of love.

On the one hand, where Rumi explores Sufism; Ella, on the other hand, explores true love.

The Love Ella felt for the Author of the book changed her. The friendship and devotion between the Shams of Tabraiz and Rumi made Rumi as we know him today.

Ella found how unhappy she was in her life and what she really wanted after feeling for Aziz. Rumi discovered his true poetic self after developing a bond with a mystic Sufi.

Elif Shafak’s book is an easy read, despite the oscillation between the two stories. They are separated by centuries but similar at their heart.

The prologue does give away a hint as to what the reader should expect.

“If a stone hits a river, the river will treat it as yet another commotion in its already tumultuous course. Nothing unusual. Nothing unmanageable. If a stone hits a lake, however, the lake will never be the same again.”

The Forty Rules of Love – Book Review

Every once in a while, in a discussion on “Love,” someone would end up recommending their top picks to read concerning the topic. “The Forty Rules of Love” by Elif Shafak would be there on the list.

The book has had such an impact on the readers because of its inherent simplicity.

Elif Shafak narrated two different stories of two different times set on different backdrops.

One is from the world of Sufism, where Rumi gets on the journey to find himself; discovers the layers of himself, and becomes the greatest Poet and Sufi of his time.

Another parallel story is of an unhappy housewife Ella; who happens to be a book reviewer professionally. Her first book in the line of work will change her perspective on “Love and Life” and her.

The story provides the readers with two love stories unfolding simultaneously; where the time is different, but what binds them together is Love.

The writer has tried to make forty a significant number for the female protagonist, and her life will change after it. The book has forty rules that surround both human and Sufi love.

Themes of the Novel

“The Forty Rules of Love” incorporates three themes: Love, Sufism, and feminism.

Ella, the main character, is the complete epitome of feminism. She is a woman who knows how to love herself and respect her choices.

Whereas we experience the Sufism theme throughout the novel in the spiritual friendship of Shams of Tabriz and Maulana Rumi.

The best part is this novel lets you experience two types of love; one is spiritual love and human love. You get to experience these two live side by side. It makes this novel a complete hit amongst its peers!

Symbols Used in the Novel

The book is divided into five parts; earth, water, wind, fire, and the void. These five constitute the universe; thus hinting at human emotions.

Each chapter is a crisp tale of the unfolding of the events taking place through narrations. Furthermore, they are set in different eras. One is happening in mid-thirteenth century Turkey. The other is in twenty-first-century America. Two very different worlds were trying to make sense of one common idea.

The track of Ella and Aziz that unfolds over their correspondence is rather slow and less gripping. The writer has tried to make it contemporary; yet conventional through the nuances and self-questioning thoughts. However, it didn’t spellbind me as the other track did.

Primarily, the character Ella narrates the track which makes it a little boring. The other track has characters besides the character of Shams of Tabraiz and Rumi. That’s riveting, to say the least. It keeps you hooked as to what Rumi’s family has to say and the characters like Sulaiman the Drunk, Desert Rose the Harlot, and Hasan the Beggar. It lets you see the world through people’s eyes that belong to different strata of the same society. They live very different lives while being in the same place and have opinions based on their individual experiences.

That’s the difference in narration and plot between the two stories, because of which the readers find the track of Shams of Tabraiz far more interesting than the track of Ella and Aziz.

The forty rules of love as the basic principles believed to be universal, dependable, and timeless are scattered throughout the book for the readers to comprehend as they like.

Everyone’s understanding of the rules might be different as to how they comprehend them. It can mean one thing to one individual and another to someone else.

It might leave a lasting impact on one and might not change a thing for the other, as that is the beauty of words. Hence, it strikes everyone differently. Words are so powerful that they can change a heart or pierce through it, touch souls, leave them untouched, heal them, break them, and allow everyone to have a rather personal association with them.

That is what the Forty Rules of Love can do to oneself and has done for many of its readers. It has liberated people of their fears, and doubts, and can transform one completely.

When I was a child, I saw God, I saw angels; I watched the mysteries of higher and lower worlds. I thought all men saw the same. At last, I realized that they did not see.

The story moves smoothly. Moreover, it makes the reader a part of the journey that the main characters take to get to their true self.

Rumi learns and unlearns the ways of Sufism from the Shams of Tabraiz, who defy the usual. Rumi’s change was unfathomable for his family and the people who knew him, and the rest is history as well all know of it.

Ella found conviction in her own self; the courage to let go of the ways that weren’t making her happy. It comes down to what the person seeks and wants from his/her life.

Lessons Learnt from the Novel

As the rule mentioned above from the book talks about change. However, many of us are afraid of change. We spend all our lives living the ways of others right in front of us chosen for us by society and our families. We are hesitant about change and yet always are in search of it in worldly things.

“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” The Forty Rules of Love

One important message from the book is to always look inwards. We should try to explore ourselves first and foremost and then the world around us.

To find happiness, love, contentment, and meaning in this life, we would need to know what we truly want and are capable of. Every human being is different in this respect. What inspires one might not inspire another. What motivates one might not motivate the other. Similarly, what makes one happy might not make the other happy.

We all want to find love, but not many can give love in the truest sense it is devoid of any material or worldly gains.

If you would like to read something thought-provoking, insightful, and impactful; this novel is the right book for you.

After reading the book, your thoughts might be different from this review, which makes this book special for so many as it feels personal to its readers.

I would like to say bid with another rule from the book:

Let us choose one another as companions! Let us sit at each other’s feet! Inwardly we have many harmonies – think not That we are only what we see.

The Forty Rules of Love – As mentioned in the Novel

Following are those forty rules of love that the author has taught us in the book. These forty rules of love serve as guiding principles for the characters in the novel, encouraging them to embrace love, spirituality, and self-discovery.

• How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves.
• The path to the Truth is a labor of the heart, not of the head.
• You can study God through everything and everyone in the universe because God is not confined to a mosque, synagogue, or church.
• There is only one religion, the religion of Love.
• Love is the only language that transcends all barriers.
• The whole universe is contained within a single human being.
• Everything in the universe is within you.
• What you seek is seeking you.
• The essence of all religions is one.
• The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open.
• The path to love requires open-heartedness and self-acceptance.
• To find true love, you must first find a true friendship within yourself.
• The real beloved is your own essential nature.
• The quest for love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for love who has not matured on the way.
• Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire!
• Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.
• God is hidden in the hearts of all creatures.
• There are more fake gurus and false teachers in this world than the number of stars in the visible universe.
• Those who know, know that those who know nothing, know nothing.
• Love is the only reality and it is not a mere sentiment. It is the ultimate truth that lies at the heart of creation.
• Everything other than love for the most beautiful God is the agony of the spirit, though it is sugar-eating.
• Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
• The universe turns differently when fire loves water.
• The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death.
• When love arrives, every fear disappears.
• Attachment is not love. Love only exists in freedom.
• Love is the bridge between you and everything.
• The heart is the secret inside the secret.
• Not the ones speaking the same language, but the ones sharing the same feeling understand each other.
• East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you’ll travel the whole wide world and beyond.
• The midwife knows that when there is no pain, the way for the baby cannot be opened.
• The quest for love is like searching for the lost chord. The seeker of love runs toward the illuminating soul but finds only the ecstatic, bleeding heart.
• Before the throne of the Almighty, man will be judged not by his acts but by his intentions.
• Stay together, friends. Don’t scatter and sleep. Our friendship is made of being awake.
• The reason is powerless in the expression of love.
• There is nothing worse than being blind in the eye of the heart.
• The religion of love is the only religion.
• There is a force within us more powerful than any other. That force is love.
• The true Sufi is such that even when he is unjustly accused, attacked, and condemned from all sides, he patiently endures, uttering not a single bad word about any of his critics.
• Be grateful for every second of every day that you get to spend with the people you love. Life is so very precious.

You can buy “The Forty Rules Of Love” from Amazon

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The Forty Rules of Love

51 pages • 1 hour read

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Water is emphasized again and again throughout the text. In order to seduce her husband, Kimya descends into scented water as a way of cleansing and preparing herself for her marital bed. Discussing the ways that life can be lived, Shams imagines different currents flowing through the same stream, each unique but working in harmony with one another, weaving and bending in order to accommodate. Just before Shams’s death, he summons a mighty rain to fall on his soon-to-be murderers, showing control of the elements. Further, Shams’s body is thrown in a well, submerged in water. For Rumi , raindrops are a reminder of Shams, and one of the many ways that Shams reappears to Rumi. Water is used again and again as a mode of cleansing and preparing, whether it is cleansing and preparing for a lover or for death.

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Book review: The Forty Rules of Love

The Forty Rules of Love is an exceptional and meritorious novel that is authored by Elif Shafak. It is a tale of love that is dedicated to the readers.

It catches the interest of its readers when they hold it never put it down until the book finishes. The Forty Rules of Love tells two parallel stories that mirror each other across two very different cultures and seven interviewing centuries.

Forty year old Ella Rubenstien is an ordinary unhappy house wife with three children and with a faithful husband but her life begins to change when she takes a job as a reader for literary agency. Her first assignment is a navel intriguingly titled sweet Blasphemy. About the thirteenth-century poet Rumi and his beloved Sufi teacher Shams of Tabriz. The author is an unknown first tim novelist. Aziz Zahara, who lives in Turkey, initially reluctant to in essence, both Rumi and Ella through their relationship with Shams and Aziz are forced to question and then abandon the apparent safety and security of their lives.

 However, neither Shams nor Aziz offer anything life happiness, what they can offer is taste of mystical union divine love, the deep harmony. Shams imparts the forty rules of love essential Sufi wisdom and Shams both preaches and embodies. He repeatedly defies social and religious conventions, Rumi to become the poet he means to be one of the world’s most profound voices of wisdom, Aziz and his Story of Rumi and Shams inspires Ella to step out of a mirage that has become emotionally and spiritually stifling for her. 

Take on a book about a time and place so different from her own. Ella soon finds herself captivated both by the novel and the man who wrote it. At the center of the novel that Ella is reading is the nemarkable wondering whirling dervish Shams of Tabriz, a mystic provocateur who challenges conventional wisdom and social and religious prejudice wherever he encounters it, he is searching for the spiritual companion he is destined to teach. His soul purpose is to transform his student Rumi a great poets of voice of love. 

Rumi is a willing student, but his family and community resent Shams deeply for upsetting their settled way of life. This provoking subject brings interest to its readers. I was satisfied with a beautiful message of this book in which the importance of love is extremely encouraging. Hope everyone reads it make themselves satisfied with the tale of this novel.

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