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How to Write a Life Story Essay

Last Updated: April 14, 2024 Fact Checked

This article was co-authored by Alicia Cook . Alicia Cook is a Professional Writer based in Newark, New Jersey. With over 12 years of experience, Alicia specializes in poetry and uses her platform to advocate for families affected by addiction and to fight for breaking the stigma against addiction and mental illness. She holds a BA in English and Journalism from Georgian Court University and an MBA from Saint Peter’s University. Alicia is a bestselling poet with Andrews McMeel Publishing and her work has been featured in numerous media outlets including the NY Post, CNN, USA Today, the HuffPost, the LA Times, American Songwriter Magazine, and Bustle. She was named by Teen Vogue as one of the 10 social media poets to know and her poetry mixtape, “Stuff I’ve Been Feeling Lately” was a finalist in the 2016 Goodreads Choice Awards. There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 101,629 times.

A life story essay involves telling the story of your life in a short, nonfiction format. It can also be called an autobiographical essay. In this essay, you will tell a factual story about some element of your life, perhaps for a college application or for a school assignment.

Preparing to Write Your Essay

• If you are writing a personal essay for a college application, it should serve to give the admissions committee a sense of who you are, beyond the basics of your application file. Your transcript, your letters of recommendation, and your resume will provide an overview of your work experience, interests, and academic record. Your essay allows you to make your application unique and individual to you, through your personal story. [2] X Research source
• The essay will also show the admissions committee how well you can write and structure an essay. Your essay should show you can create a meaningful piece of writing that interests your reader, conveys a unique message, and flows well.
• If you are writing a life story for a specific school assignment, such as in a composition course, ask your teacher about the assignment requirements.

• Include important events, such as your birth, your childhood and upbringing, and your adolescence. If family member births, deaths, marriages, and other life moments are important to your story, write those down as well.
• Focus on experiences that made a big impact on you and remain a strong memory. This may be a time where you learned an important life lesson, such as failing a test or watching someone else struggle and succeed, or where you felt an intense feeling or emotion, such as grief over someone’s death or joy over someone’s triumph.

• Have you faced a challenge in your life that you overcame, such as family struggles, health issues, a learning disability, or demanding academics?
• Do you have a story to tell about your cultural or ethnic background, or your family traditions?
• Have you dealt with failure or life obstacles?
• Do you have a unique passion or hobby?
• Have you traveled outside of your community, to another country, city, or area? What did you take away from the experience and how will you carry what you learned into a college setting?

• Remind yourself of your accomplishments by going through your resume. Think about any awards or experiences you would like spotlight in your essay. For example, explaining the story behind your Honor Roll status in high school, or how you worked hard to receive an internship in a prestigious program.
• Remember that your resume or C.V. is there to list off your accomplishments and awards, so your life story shouldn't just rehash them. Instead, use them as a jumping-off place to explain the process behind them, or what they reflect (or do not reflect) about you as a person.

• The New York Times publishes stellar examples of high school life story essays each year. You can read some of them on the NYT website. [8] X Research source

Writing Your Essay

• For example, you may look back at your time in foster care as a child or when you scored your first paying job. Consider how you handled these situations and any life lessons you learned from these lessons. Try to connect past experiences to who you are now, or who you aspire to be in the future.
• Your time in foster care, for example, may have taught you resilience, perseverance and a sense of curiosity around how other families function and live. This could then tie into your application to a Journalism program, as the experience shows you have a persistent nature and a desire to investigate other people’s stories or experiences.

• Certain life story essays have become cliche and familiar to admission committees. Avoid sports injuries stories, such as the time you injured your ankle in a game and had to find a way to persevere. You should also avoid using an overseas trip to a poor, foreign country as the basis for your self transformation. This is a familiar theme that many admission committees will consider cliche and not unique or authentic. [11] X Research source
• Other common, cliche topics to avoid include vacations, "adversity" as an undeveloped theme, or the "journey". [12] X Research source

• Try to phrase your thesis in terms of a lesson learned. For example, “Although growing up in foster care in a troubled neighborhood was challenging and difficult, it taught me that I can be more than my upbringing or my background through hard work, perseverance, and education.”
• You can also phrase your thesis in terms of lessons you have yet to learn, or seek to learn through the program you are applying for. For example, “Growing up surrounded by my mother’s traditional cooking and cultural habits that have been passed down through the generations of my family, I realized I wanted to discover and honor the traditions of other, ancient cultures with a career in archaeology.”
• Both of these thesis statements are good because they tell your readers exactly what to expect in clear detail.

• An anecdote is a very short story that carries moral or symbolic weight. It can be a poetic or powerful way to start your essay and engage your reader right away. You may want to start directly with a retelling of a key past experience or the moment you realized a life lesson.
• For example, you could start with a vivid memory, such as this from an essay that got its author into Harvard Business School: "I first considered applying to Berry College while dangling from a fifty-food Georgia pine tree, encouraging a high school classmate, literally, to make a leap of faith." [15] X Research source This opening line gives a vivid mental picture of what the author was doing at a specific, crucial moment in time and starts off the theme of "leaps of faith" that is carried through the rest of the essay.
• Another great example clearly communicates the author's emotional state from the opening moments: "Through seven-year-old eyes I watched in terror as my mother grimaced in pain." This essay, by a prospective medical school student, goes on to tell about her experience being at her brother's birth and how it shaped her desire to become an OB/GYN. The opening line sets the scene and lets you know immediately what the author was feeling during this important experience. It also resists reader expectations, since it begins with pain but ends in the joy of her brother's birth.
• Avoid using a quotation. This is an extremely cliche way to begin an essay and could put your reader off immediately. If you simply must use a quotation, avoid generic quotes like “Spread your wings and fly” or “There is no ‘I’ in ‘team’”. Choose a quotation that relates directly to your experience or the theme of your essay. This could be a quotation from a poem or piece of writing that speaks to you, moves you, or helped you during a rough time.

• Always use the first person in a personal essay. The essay should be coming from you and should tell the reader directly about your life experiences, with “I” statements.
• For example, avoid something such as “I had a hard time growing up. I was in a bad situation.” You can expand this to be more distinct, but still carry a similar tone and voice. “When I was growing up in foster care, I had difficulties connecting with my foster parents and with my new neighborhood. At the time, I thought I was in a bad situation I would never be able to be free from.”

• For example, consider this statement: "I am a good debater. I am highly motivated and have been a strong leader all through high school." This gives only the barest detail, and does not allow your reader any personal or unique information that will set you apart from the ten billion other essays she has to sift through.
• In contrast, consider this one: "My mother says I'm loud. I say you have to speak up to be heard. As president of my high school's debate team for the past three years, I have learned to show courage even when my heart is pounding in my throat. I have learned to consider the views of people different than myself, and even to argue for them when I passionately disagree. I have learned to lead teams in approaching complicated issues. And, most importantly for a formerly shy young girl, I have found my voice." This example shows personality, uses parallel structure for impact, and gives concrete detail about what the author has learned from her life experience as a debater.

• An example of a passive sentence is: “The cake was eaten by the dog.” The subject (the dog) is not in the expected subject position (first) and is not "doing" the expected action. This is confusing and can often be unclear.
• An example of an active sentence is: “The dog ate the cake.” The subject (the dog) is in the subject position (first), and is doing the expected action. This is much more clear for the reader and is a stronger sentence.

• Lead the reader INTO your story with a powerful beginning, such as an anecdote or a quote.
• Take the reader THROUGH your story with the context and key parts of your experience.
• End with the BEYOND message about how the experience has affected who you are now and who you want to be in college and after college.

Editing Your Essay

• For example, a sentence like “I struggled during my first year of college, feeling overwhelmed by new experiences and new people” is not very strong because it states the obvious and does not distinguish you are unique or singular. Most people struggle and feel overwhelmed during their first year of college. Adjust sentences like this so they appear unique to you.
• For example, consider this: “During my first year of college, I struggled with meeting deadlines and assignments. My previous home life was not very structured or strict, so I had to teach myself discipline and the value of deadlines.” This relates your struggle to something personal and explains how you learned from it.

• It can be difficult to proofread your own work, so reach out to a teacher, a mentor, a family member, or a friend and ask them to read over your essay. They can act as first readers and respond to any proofreading errors, as well as the essay as a whole.

Expert Q&A

You Might Also Like

• ↑ http://education.seattlepi.com/write-thesis-statement-autobiographical-essay-1686.html
• ↑ https://study.com/learn/lesson/autobiography-essay-examples-steps.html
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201101/writing-compelling-life-story-in-500-words-or-less
• ↑ Alicia Cook. Professional Writer. Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.
• ↑ https://mycustomessay.com/blog/how-to-write-an-autobiography-essay.html
• ↑ https://www.ahwatukee.com/community_focus/article_c79b33da-09a5-11e3-95a8-001a4bcf887a.html
• ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/10/your-money/four-stand-out-college-essays-about-money.html
• ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY9AdFx0L4s
• ↑ https://www.medina-esc.org/Downloads/Practical%20Advice%20Writing%20College%20App%20Essay.pdf
• ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/successful-harvard-business-school-essays-2012-11?op=1
• ↑ http://www.grammar-monster.com/glossary/passive_sentences.htm

About This Article

A life story essay is an essay that tells the story of your life in a short, nonfiction format. Start by coming up with a thesis statement, which will help you structure your essay. For example, your thesis could be about the influence of your family's culture on your life or how you've grown from overcoming challenging circumstances. You can include important life events that link to your thesis, like jobs you’ve worked, friendships that have influenced you, or sports competitions you’ve won. Consider starting your essay with an anecdote that introduces your thesis. For instance, if you're writing about your family's culture, you could start by talking about the first festival you went to and how it inspired you. Finish by writing about how the experiences have affected you and who you want to be in the future. For more tips from our Education co-author, including how to edit your essay effectively, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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How to write a birth story.

by Christina Holt

Christina Holt

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You don’t have to be a writer to write the story of the day your child entered the world. Follow these prompts to remember your special day and document it forever.

My baby is here! Now what?

The day you birthed your baby is playing on repeat in your head. The rush of adrenalin and emotions you’ve experienced during labor, birth and the first time you held your child are so powerful that you simply have to get it on paper. Guess what? You’re not alone. More and more women (and men) are turning to their computer, blog, a community website or a piece of paper and a pencil to tell the story of the day their child entered the world.

When to write a birth story

It’s best to write your birth story while the emotions are still fresh — as that is the time when you’ll capture most of the true feelings in your words. If you’re sleep deprived, unfocused or would rather take every moment to snuggle your baby, keep a notepad by your bed and write down little notes as you think of them. You can always go back to writing your birth story — your baby won’t be a newborn forever.

How to write a birth story

Brainstorm descriptive words that explain your labor and delivery experience. Include your husband in the process, as he might remember specific moments that you might not.

Should cameras be allowing in delivery rooms? >>

Keep it light, focus on the positives.

Know that one day your child may read this precious story. Keep that in mind when you are writing your innermost feelings about how the birth played out. Maybe you ended up with an emergency C-section after months of envisioning a natural, drug-free childbirth. That’s okay. The most important outcome is your healthy baby — no matter how he or she entered the world. If you feel any doubt, anger or sadness because of how the birth went, talk to your doctor, friends or find online support communities that can help you work through your feelings. You can even write about your experience and emotions, but it might be best to keep it separate from the actual birth story.

More about birth

5 Reasons to hire a birth doula Tips for the first stages of labor Stages of labor

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Personal Essay Example: My Baby Sister

It was May 28, 2020, a beautiful, sunny day when I got a text that my baby sister was about to be born. I had just gotten back from playing soccer outside in Phys Ed, when I opened my gym locker, checked my phone, and saw a text from my dad saying that my step-mom was going into labor. Excitement immediately kicked in, my heart started pounding out of my chest and I could feel butterflies in my stomach. I was so anxious to get to meet my baby sister, that would soon be called Sierra. One experience that has had the most impact on my life was when my baby sister was born and from that experience I’ve learned that change can be a good thing, how nothing in life is ever guaranteed, and the importance of family. 

It’s crazy looking back now at how nervous I was when I first found out that I was going to have a baby sister. I had always been the type of person to fear change, whether it was big or small. The news was hard to process at first and I was scared because I didn’t know the effect it would have on my life. I was worried about all the small things like the crying and dirty diapers, along with the fear of it drastically changing my family dynamic, and of the responsibility that comes with being a good older sister. When I held Sierra for the first time, I watched as her tiny hand gripped my hair, I felt the touch of her soft skin, I heard the cute little noises she made, I kissed her forehead and smelt that sweet newborn smell. I instantly felt a feeling of love and connection that made all of my previous worries disappear. A baby sister was a huge change in my life, but it actually turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I can’t imagine my life without Sierra and I am so grateful I was able to embrace the change.

The day Sierra was born turned out nothing like I imagined it would. My baby sister wasn’t supposed to be born for another two weeks, but after my stepmom got preeclampsia they decided to induce her labour early. There were further complications with the labour that put the lives of both my stepmom and baby sister at risk, so the doctors ended up calling for an emergency c-section. This experience taught me that things don’t always go as planned and that nothing in life is ever guaranteed. One minute everything can be normal and the next thing you know your world could be tipped upside down. In spite of the complications, my stepmom gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby. We were so lucky that everything turned out perfectly in the end, but knowing how easily things could have gone bad helped me gain a deeper appreciation for life. This experience has taught me that there are some things that we don’t have control over and that I should be grateful for every moment I have with my loved ones.

The birth of my baby sister made me realize just how important my family is to me. This experience helped me come to the realization that I had been overlooking how lucky I am to have the family that I have. My family makes me happy, they make me feel a sense of belonging, and we love each other unconditionally. I have always had close relationships with my family members and having Sierra added to the family has brought us all even closer together. I want to be the best sister that I can possibly be to her, I will strive to be someone who she can look up to. I am so grateful that Sierra is now a part of my life and I have gained a deeper appreciation for all of my other family members. 

My baby sister being born was a crucial point in my life that taught me to embrace change, that nothing is ever guaranteed to go the way you think it will, and the significance of family. It helped me recognize that I should be open minded to change because it could always be a good thing. I learned that there are some things in life that are beyond my control and that not everything will happen exactly as anticipated. Family is very important and I'm so grateful that I have strong relationships with my family members. The biggest thing that I’ve learned from this experience is that you can never control exactly what's going to happen in your life but you can make the best of the situations you go through and use them to grow as a person.

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When was Wilma Rudolph Born

This essay about Wilma Rudolph explores how her family’s unwavering support and dedication played a crucial role in her development from a polio-stricken child to an Olympic gold medalist. Born as the 20th child in a large family, Wilma faced significant health challenges early in life, including a polio infection that weakened her left leg. Despite these difficulties, her family’s commitment, particularly the physical therapies they administered and the emotional support they provided, was instrumental in her recovery and subsequent athletic success. Wilma’s rise to fame culminated in her winning three gold medals at the 1960 Rome Olympics, making her an emblem of athletic excellence and a symbol of civil rights and women’s empowerment. The essay highlights the importance of a nurturing family environment in overcoming adversity and achieving greatness, demonstrating that Wilma’s accomplishments were not only a reflection of her talent but also of her family’s collective effort and sacrifice.

How it works

Wilma Rudolph’s remarkable journey from a child afflicted with polio to an Olympic gold medalist is not just a story of personal triumph but also a testament to the profound impact of family support and determination. Born into a large family in Clarksville, Tennessee, in 1940, Wilma was the 20th of 22 siblings from her father Ed Rudolph’s two marriages. Her family’s unwavering support played a pivotal role in her development as an athlete, showcasing how critical a nurturing home environment is in overcoming physical and societal challenges.

Wilma’s early years were marked by significant health struggles. At the age of four, she contracted polio, a disease that left her left leg and foot weakened. Doctors doubted she would ever walk again without orthopedic shoes. However, Wilma’s family refused to let the disease define her capabilities. Her mother, Blanche Rudolph, traveled regularly with Wilma from Clarksville to Nashville for treatments. During this period, all her siblings took turns massaging her legs, a routine that was both a physical therapy and a demonstration of familial love and care.

Despite these early challenges, Wilma’s family encouraged her to be active, which spurred her interest in athletics. By the age of 12, her condition had improved remarkably, and she began playing basketball and running track in high school. Her physical transformation and burgeoning athletic prowess were largely attributed to her disciplined regimen, supported and sometimes enforced by her family.

Wilma’s breakthrough came during the 1956 Olympics in Melbourne, where at just 16 years old, she won a bronze medal in the 4×100-meter relay. However, it was at the 1960 Rome Olympics that she truly left her mark on the world stage, winning three gold medals in the 100 meters, 200 meters, and 4×100 meter relay, earning her the nickname “The Tornado.” Her success in Rome made her the first American woman to win three gold medals in track and field at a single Olympics.

The Rudolph family’s influence on Wilma’s career extended beyond just nurturing her athletic talents. They also instilled in her a strong sense of self-worth and determination, qualities that were essential as she navigated the challenges of competing in a segregated America. Throughout her career, Wilma was not only a symbol of athletic excellence but also of civil rights and women’s empowerment. Her victories at the Olympics served as a beacon of hope and possibility for many African-Americans, particularly young black women, during the height of the Civil Rights Movement.

In her later years, Wilma dedicated herself to coaching young athletes and working in education, often speaking about the impact of her family’s support in her life and career. She recognized that her achievements were not hers alone but also the result of the collective effort and sacrifice of her family.

In conclusion, Wilma Rudolph’s story illustrates the transformative power of familial support and resilience. Her family’s role in her recovery from polio and rise to athletic stardom underscores the importance of a nurturing and encouraging family environment. Wilma Rudolph’s legacy is not just that of a trailblazing athlete but also a testament to how love, care, and determination within a family can propel an individual to achieve greatness against all odds.

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I was born with a facial difference. Don’t look at me with pity — see me

Sora Iriye, 39, is a circus artist and co-founder of CirqOvation, a circus entertainment company in LaFayette, New York. Born with craniofacial differences, she’s an advocate for face equality as a human rights issue. She shared her story with TODAY for Craniofacial Acceptance Month , which is observed in September.

I was born with lymphatic malformations and venous malformations that affected the left side of my face. There is no known cause or cure.

My left cheek and neck were very swollen as a kid, and my left eye was pretty much swollen shut. The venous malformations caused chronic tearing and bleeding. Surgery saved my eyesight — it reduced the swelling enough so that my eye could open.

My first surgery was when I was 3 years old. That same year, I started dance lessons when my mom enrolled me in ballet.

Dance gave me the ability to feel seen, beautiful and valid. My mom said, “When you’re on stage, no one notices your face,” and what I think she meant was, “When you’re on stage, people can look past your difference and see you for who you are.” Now, I don’t want people to look past my difference. I want people to see my humanity, not despite my face, but because of everything I am.

Growing up in Arizona, my family was incredibly supportive and I actually had a lot of confidence as a kid. But I had to push so hard to have my life validated by the rest of society. I had to prove myself every step of the way.

It’s a daily experience for people with facial differences to get intrusive questions like, “What happened to your face?” or “What’s wrong with your face?” — that’s very common, which I think is so messed up. I see curiosity or fear when strangers are winding up to ask these questions. I also see pity a lot.

For me, it becomes more complicated because I’m also Japanese-American, so there is always the sense of being a perpetual outsider. I get to play the game of race or face: Is someone going to ask me about my face today or are people going to ask, “Where are you from?”

I’ve had nine surgeries, which is a low number for the facial differences/disfigurement community. Some surgeries were medically necessary; others aimed to create a more “typical” face. I am forever grateful to my family for trying to give me every chance at a “normal” life. But what I would have really wanted was for that “normal” life to be a result of a culture where typical faces were not a requirement for full participation in society.

When I was in college, I decided I didn’t want to seek more treatment. I just wanted to not be in the hospital. My left eye has worse vision than my right and I still have pain at night from sleeping or any time I experience a lot of stress. I didn’t realize until a couple years ago that I was constantly in pain because I’ve lived with it all my life.

I graduated from college magna cum laude. But I had always been a dancer and in college, I discovered aerial arts — I had taken a couple of aerial silks classes and I was working on dance trapeze.

I took a year off after graduation and pursued a different path. I started performing aerial arts with a company in Cleveland, Ohio, and decided that I wanted to do this full time. I went to circus school in the UK to finish building my skills.

My husband and I have traveled all over the world doing what we do and then founded our own circus entertainment company to bring other performers into the fold.

Mental health struggles are extremely high in the facial difference/disfigurement community, as are hate crimes against us, job discrimination and social exile.

Defining face equality as its own human rights issue is so paramount right now because in this society, our faces have become a form of social validation, almost a form of currency. I want society to lower its defensiveness against people who look different. It is such an arbitrary means of finding value in a person. 

Craniofacial Acceptance Month is so important. To advance towards equity for the facial difference/disfigurement community, we need to shift the cultural conversation that surrounds us — and that means changing perceptions.

Instead of adhering to the medical model of disability — that we need to be fixed; or the moral model — that we should be hidden away and exiled because our faces are the result of some moral failing by us or by our families; we need to amplify the social model of disability, which states there is nothing wrong with us.

I want people to examine their deeply held beliefs about what they think is beautiful and worthy of adoration and ask why? Why do we value people less based solely upon what they look like?

The next time you see someone with a difference, take a moment before asking intrusive questions. Children are curious, so I’m speaking more about adults.

You can help eliminate your intrinsic bias by just taking a beat to recognize a person’s humanity — not through a lens of pity, but by recognizing them as someone who is probably more similar than different from yourself. 

This interview was edited and condensed for clarity.

Sora Iriye (she/her and they/them) is a circus artist in LaFayette, New York, and an advocate for face equality.

A. Pawlowski is a TODAY health reporter focusing on health news and features. Previously, she was a writer, producer and editor at CNN.

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‘At 51, My Mom Became My Surrogate—And Helped Make Me A Mama’

After struggling with infertility, Breanna Lockwood shares how she received the ultimate gift.

As soon as my daughter was born, the doctors handed her directly to me and the whole world stopped. She was healthy, perfect, and looked exactly like my husband. Our surrogate was also healthy, stable, and, officially, a grandma. My mom had helped make me a mama.

My daughter Briar is now 3. She is super spunky and has a big personality. She's kept us on our toes since the day she was born. And she knows she came from Grandma’s belly. They have an extremely close relationship and get to see each other almost every day. Briar is too young to fully understand the concept, but my family decided that our surrogacy story would always be a regular part of our life.

My husband and I were high school sweethearts, and when we got married in 2016, we immediately tried to start a family. After eight months with no luck, I went to my ob-gyn, who referred us to a fertility specialist in Chicago. First, we tried intrauterine insemination (IUI), a procedure that boosts the chances of getting pregnant by placing a sperm directly in the uterus. The first round was unsuccessful, and I was impatient, so we switched to in vitro fertilization (IVF), the most effective type of fertility treatment, in which an egg is fertilized by sperm in a lab before being transferred directly into the uterus.

I ended up having six unsuccessful IVF transfers, including two that ended in miscarriage —once after the second transfer and then again with twins. I was also diagnosed with Asherman syndrome after my miscarriage with the twins due to damaged scar tissue on the inside of my uterus, making future pregnancies more difficult and high risk.

At the time, all my friends were pregnant, and I felt so isolated. Every month I built the strength to try another round of IVF, and each time it didn’t work out, I was crushed. It was a vicious cycle. Infertility also took a serious toll on my body. I was pumping myself with hormones, my body was changing, and I was fatigued, tired, and emotional. The countless procedures, blood draws, transfers, and exams were unpleasant and painful. It felt as if I were in medical stirrups every day.

Eventually, my doctor suggested we look into surrogacy . It took some time to come around to the idea, and of course, I also had extreme sticker shock. Surrogacy can run anywhere from $50,000 to $250,000, and honestly, we couldn’t afford it. Still, it felt like my only option at that point, so I was devastated.

“What if I was your surrogate?” my mom texted me one day.

The text came out of the blue. My mom was 50 at the time. She’s a two-time Boston marathon runner and triathlete and is incredibly healthy. She is my best friend, and I’m her only daughter, so we’ve always been close. But I was still processing my emotions after the failed IUI and IVF, so I told her to drop it. Her suggestion felt like a silly, unrealistic, outlandish idea, and I didn’t even want to get my hopes up. But she was persistent and continued to remind me that she was confident she could be my surrogate.

About two months later, at a routine checkup at the fertility clinic, my mom came to support me. At the end of the exam, my doctor brought up surrogacy again, and my mom chimed in saying she had offered to be my surrogate. I was a little annoyed and embarrassed because it felt like such a crazy idea. But the doctor was clearly considering the idea and offered to run some preliminary tests.

There was never an exact moment when we decided that my mom would be my surrogate.

As she passed each health screening with flying colors (her health report looked better than mine!), we cautiously continued the process. My husband was supportive, trusting that as a very logical, realistic person, I had thought through all the outcomes. He also understood there are a lot of ways to grow a family and appreciated that this could be our path forward.

A few weeks after that initial doctor’s appointment, I saw a People magazine cover at work featuring a surrogate carrying a baby for her own son in Nebraska. I took the magazine home and contacted the mother and son. I wanted to get some answers. My husband and I even drove to Omaha to meet their physician.

All of us—my mom, my husband, and I—had to undergo an extensive psychological exam before starting the surrogacy process, meeting with a psychologist who made sure we were emotionally and mentally stable and ready for this journey. We all had to be on the same page with the right intentions. My mom and I had lawyers representing each of us (everyone had to be in legal agreement and legally protected), and they walked us through every contract, clause, and detail. We discussed all possible outcomes, including what to do in case of a medical emergency.

At this stage, my husband and I also needed to save money and wanted to support my mom throughout the entire process, so we sold our home at the end of 2019 and moved in with my parents.

Once all the screenings, evals, and paperwork were complete, we did an embryo transfer with my mom on February 25, 2020.

None of it felt real. I was emotionally in a dark place after years of infertility and loss, and to make matters worse, COVID-19 hit two weeks later. The world was shutting down, and my mom, who was already considered high risk for COVID infection due to her age, was trying to carry a pregnancy. My baby.

Throughout the entire first trimester, doctors were cautiously optimistic that the baby was developing at a normal rate, but after my history with the miscarriages, I was pessimistic. We held our breath during every appointment, scan, and test.

It wasn’t until the 20-week anatomy scan that I finally felt a wave of relief. My baby girl was growing and healthy. I was still reserved about celebrating, but I tried to let my guard down. We officially announced my mom’s pregnancy to friends and family and posted about it on social media. Of course, strangers online will always have their opinions about our unique surrogacy journey, but our family and friends only celebrated and supported the extraordinary miracle.

Throughout my mom’s pregnancy, we spent our days together. As my husband threw himself into nursery projects, my mom told me about every feeling, symptom, and craving, and I clung to each detail. It made us even closer. Her pregnancy never felt weird or awkward, and I didn’t harbor any jealousy or resentment.

Sometimes it was difficult during routine doctor's appointments since the focus was always on my mom. She was the patient, but as the mother of my baby, I sometimes wished the doctors spoke directly to me and asked questions. (Still, the staff did a great job of including my husband and myself in every conversation and never made us feel like outsiders.) I didn’t hold on to any of those feelings for long because I was just so completely and utterly grateful for my mom’s sacrifice.

My daughter was born on November 2, 2020—World Fertility Day.

She was born via an emergency C-section because doctors were concerned about her heartbeat during delivery. We were still in the throes of the pandemic, and while my doctor originally said we couldn’t go into the operating room—which I expected and made peace with—at the last minute, they let me into the room. It was the happiest day of my life.

We now live 20 minutes away from my parents, and I see my mom almost every day. We have pictures in our home of her pregnancy.

I definitely want to have another baby and recently started going through IVF again. Last year, I got pregnant, but my second daughter was born sleeping [stillborn] at 25 weeks due to a complex heart defect. And once again, I had to pull myself out of a dark hole, process my emotions, and get back on my feet to try again. I’m open to going through another surrogacy, and my mom has offered to carry for me again, but I want to keep her healthy and safe right now.

Although infertility has been the most devastating, difficult thing I’ve gone through, it’s ultimately a story of resilience. It’s financially taxing, emotionally draining, and physically challenging, but at the end of the day, it’s about how many times I get back up and keep going. My mom’s offer was the most selfless, beautiful gift. It showed me that motherhood can come in all different ways, and I carry that idea with me now.

Andi Breitowich is a Chicago-based writer and graduate student at Northwestern Medill. She’s a mass consumer of social media and cares about women’s rights, holistic wellness, and non-stigmatizing reproductive care. As a former collegiate pole vaulter, she has a love for all things fitness and is currently obsessed with Peloton Tread workouts and hot yoga.  

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