finding true love essay

True Love: 7 Must-Read Memoirs About Love

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Everybody likes a good love story and it's even better when they’re true. To celebrate Valentine’s Day, we’re taking you through the best memoirs about love. In recounting how they made it to bliss, these comedians, book editors and journalists tackle it all: finding love, rejecting love, keeping love and sometimes losing it. Whether you’re looking for it, hiding from it, or already have it in spades, these books about love are sure to warm your heart.

• Romance Is My Day Job by Patience Bloom

As a seasoned editor at Harlequin, Patience Bloom knows romance. But, when Romance Is My Day Job opens, her own love life is decidedly lacking in the passion and glamour that she reads about day in and day out. Then one day, an old flame sends her a Facebook message, and everything changes. This memoir is a heartwarming and plucky look at how real-life romance unfolds, and how even the “experts” among us sometimes struggle to find love.

• Love Is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield

We’ve written a lot about Rob Sheffield’s latest memoir , Turn Around Bright Eyes , which tells the story of how he fell in love with his second wife. But, to best appreciate that journey, you have to start at the beginning. In Love Is a Mix Tape , Sheffield chronicles his first love and the utter heartbreak of losing his first wife, through track listings that evoke the nostalgic days of making mix tapes (and then mix CDs) for your crush.

• Screw Everyone by Ophira Eisenberg

In her no-nonsense, wisecracking way, comedian Ophira Eisenberg recounts all of the relationships that led this skeptic to actually dive into getting married. Almost anthropological in her methods, Eisenberg recounts her childhood perceptions of marriage, her first experimentations as a teenager and twentysomething, and the good and bad relationships she kept returning to over the years. But the best is when she meets her husband, and especially the chapter about their wedding day. This is a great read for any stalwartly single friend who scoffs at monogamy.

• I Don't Care About Your Band by Julie Klausner

The real heartbreakers aren’t the obvious players, they’re the “sensitive” types who seem like they’d treat you right—just ask Julie Klausner . In this bitingly funny memoir, Klausner recounts a long history of romantic failures and writes a taxonomy of the men she’s unsuccessfully dated. Written on the heels of a wildly popular Modern Love column in the New York Times about being snubbed by an indie-rocker, I Don’t Care About Your Band is Klausner’s cynical treatise on dating jerks in your 20s.

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Valentine's Day

Finding true love beyond the love story.

Elizabeth Tannen

What's Rosier? A remarkable love or a remarkable love story? iStockphoto.com hide caption

What's Rosier? A remarkable love or a remarkable love story?

Elizabeth Tannen is a student in the creative writing program at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque. You can find links to her other essays and read her blog about dating here .

For the most part, my aversion to online dating is about vanity. Simply put, I think that I'm too attractive, too interesting and too young to need to subject myself to the trauma of courting on the Internet.

But there's another reason, too — it's that I love a story. One of my favorite parts of dating is a charming "how we met" anecdote. And I'm sorry, but there's nothing charming about eHarmony. So when someone I know admitted that part of getting over his first love meant realizing that he'd been "in love with the story" — the two of them met in the desert in Israel — I immediately recognized my own experience.

Specifically, I recognized my Missed Connection. It was the Internet that brought us together, ironically, but there was plot. We made eye contact on a Brooklyn-bound F train and then found one another through the Missed Connections page on Craigslist. I posted the ad, for the first time in my life, and he hadn't even heard of the site until reading about it in the Times Book Review two weeks prior.

On our first date, he unassumingly disclosed a critical mass of Ideal Boyfriend qualities: he was 6-foot-5 and a lawyer for a labor union. He asked me questions and read the New Yorker . He had become an ordained minister online so that he could perform the weddings of both of his younger sisters.

Essayist Elizabeth Tannen is on a quest to find true love. Courtesy of Elizabeth Tannen hide caption

He was so completely good-natured that, initially, my attraction vanished. (I questioned my sexuality the way I had after the first time I kissed an attractive man and felt nothing — only years later realizing it was because he was meek and unintelligent.) But the story of my Missed Connection was so compelling that I persevered, eventually convincing myself that I should probably marry him. When life plans pulled us apart after just three months of dating, I felt devastated. Recently, though, when our paths crossed briefly for beers and conversation, we had a great time — but the chemistry wasn't there. I had to admit that, on some level, it never truly was.

Sometimes we encounter the opposite: We find the connection, but not the story. The other night I talked with a friend who is navigating an increasingly serious relationship. Outwardly creative and liberal, she always anticipated that she'd end up with someone similar. The man she's dating isn't: He's clean-cut and has a "conventional" job. He's right for her in deeper, more fundamental ways — but she admits it's a struggle to accept that, superficially, he's not what she thought she wanted. He doesn't reflect the story she believed about herself.

No matter where we meet people — on the subway or online — all of us make up stories that reinforce notions of our relationships and ourselves. It's the way we make sense of the world: I'm not sure any of us could survive without giving our lives some compelling plotlines. I certainly couldn't. But even as I do, I will try to remember that any connection I'm lucky enough to find with someone is far more important than whatever story that connection might tell.

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How You Can Find True Love That Will Never Die

While the definition of true love can vary widely, healthy love often involves respect, trust, honesty, communication, compatibility, and understanding. You might find true love by looking for partnership, being yourself, taking things slowly, maintaining an open mind, taking care of yourself, and focusing on effective communication. If you’re experiencing difficulty in your quest for true love, speaking with a licensed therapist may be helpful. 

What is true love?

True love can be a concept with many interpretations. The idea that real love can mean something different to everyone and remain true can be a valid point that supports the idea that no two stories of love are exactly alike. 

Despite its complexity, true love can capture a universal sentiment that has inspired a sense of wonder for a large part of human history, enduring in nearly every culture around the world and throughout time. What constitutes real love for one person may not perfectly copy what others experience, but there can be an inherent benefit of connection in our lives no matter how it is ultimately achieved.

In general, true love can be about accepting understanding for every unique relationship, regardless of its expressions and differences.

Real love in popular culture

Popular culture often presents us with an idealized version of true love, in many cases showing that true love can only be achieved if you finally find that “one right person.” The relationships we see in movies and television shows are typically passionate, perfectly timed, and without a hint of conflict or disagreement. 

However, this often contributes to an unrealistic expectation that these relationships can be replicated in our lives. Each person may experience true love or feel love uniquely; no two relationships may manifest in the same way. Similar misrepresentations may be provided by people who consider themselves “relationship experts.” It can be a good idea not to take any advice you hear from someone without formal training or licensure. This doesn’t necessarily mean these people won’t be able to help you identify some red flags, but it's possible they may be operating off of the stereotypes we often see in popular culture. 

Comparing our experiences to the ones we see popularized can be damaging if those comparisons lead to feelings of inadequacy. All types of relationships usually require work from both parties. In general, effort must be put in for a bond to form and for partners to remain committed and connected.

What to look for when looking for true affection

When searching for true love , one may look for selflessness, trustworthiness, and genuine connection. You may also want to look for someone who gets along with the people in your life. In many cases, your friends and family members can be good judges of a potential partner’s character. True love sometimes means accepting each other’s flaws and recognizing strengths in one another . It may require patience and understanding rather than an expectation of perfection. 

Every person may have individual experiences of unconditional love and attachment. It can be wrong to pressure yourself to find true love if you have yet to experience a genuine connection with another person or feel a sense of comfort with them. Who you choose may depend on your individual needs and sensibilities. 

No two people may develop relationships simultaneously, so although it might be challenging not to compare yourself with those around you, perhaps try to shift your focus instead to identifying your own emotional needs and how you feel. These needs may cover a range of topics. For example, you may want someone to practice the same faith as you do or make a similar amount of money. 

Ultimately, what may be considered a good love life typically comes when we open ourselves up to love and feel loved and seize the right moment with courage and confidence. Patience can be critical.

Genuine love in a relationship

True love in a relationship often has many significant physical, emotional, and mental health benefits . Defining true love can undoubtedly be complex, and it usually can’t be boiled down to a single physical behavior like constant eye contact. Some common signs you can look for may include respect, trust, honesty, communication, compatibility, and understanding. 

Having a safe romantic bond can bring higher emotional stability and mental well-being. Couples with solid love often experience greater satisfaction while maintaining healthy relationships. With a fast connection to another person, physical and emotional boundaries can naturally be drawn to express mutual love and commitment. 

Furthermore, partners of two individuals in a truly loving relationship can be more successful when working toward long-term goals together. Relationships characterized by these behaviors can increase overall happiness in older adults. 

Thus, it can be essential to recognize the signs of true love in any relationship and understand its potential to provide joy to all participants.

iStock/bernardbodo

Signs that a relationship doesn’t have real affection

True love can be the cornerstone of a successful, long-term relationship. However, it may not always be easy to determine whether your relationship has true love. Common signs that a relationship might not have true love can include frequent arguments, an inability to compromise, and a lack of respect. 

If you fight and argue the entire time you are together, or your disagreements more often devolve into yelling or name-calling rather than a clear resolution, it may signal a noticeable lack of love. Furthermore, attempts at compromise may often be met with resistance, or one partner may continually refuse to meet the other halfway. As a result, the essential foundations of love and respect may be absent in that relationship. 

Relationships can be complex and ever-evolving entities, often full of both joy and hurt. Partners should generally recognize that it can be expected for relationships to take work and have good and bad days. Using coping skills during these times may allow couples to build trust in their relationships and strengthen their bonds. 

Conflicts in finding true love

Each person may have unique needs that can define what they consider to be the right kind of relationship to pursue. Consequently, conflicts can arise when it comes to  finding true love , as what one person may define as ideal may always be subjective to them. 

As such, journeys toward experiencing and enjoying lasting relationships can act as a personal self-inquiry, frequently forcing individuals to explore and uncover what they’re attracted to, in addition to their wants and desires in a romantic setting. This can be vital to discover the most suitable partner that realistically meets their expectations. 

There may be no single correct answer in defining true love in any relationship. Individuals usually must realize this for themselves and actively contribute efforts toward forming a meaningful connection with their chosen partner and navigating any challenges that arise during that process.

Tips for finding true love

Finding true love can take effort and dedication. It may be essential to begin by identifying the kind of relationship you want in your life, such as a long-term partnership or something more casual. Having realistic expectations, searching for like-minded people, and knowing yourself may also be beneficial to finding someone with whom you have strong feelings and a lasting connection. 

Try to take advantage of available resources by joining social clubs, attending church events, utilizing online dating sites, or venturing into your local community. Staying open-minded and not jumping into a commitment before assessing all the options can create positive opportunities for developing honest relationships.

Don't seek romance; look for partnership

Be yourself, always

Don't put too much pressure on yourself or the relationship

Take things slowly—don't rush into anything

Keep an open mind and communicate honestly with your partner

Spend time together doing something you both enjoy

Take care of yourself

Happy ending stories can be proof that finding happiness and lasting love may be achievable. Understanding yourself may be the first step in finding true and lasting love. Knowing who you are and what you want out of life can be vital to finding someone with whom you can have that journey. Being honest with yourself about your goals, values, and beliefs can help you make better decisions when it comes to relationships and give potential partners insight into who you are as a person. 

Investing in self-care and engaging in activities that bring joy can create balance in your personal life, potentially leading to better relationship outcomes and enabling you to experience true love. 

Understanding yourself first can make it easier to identify what type of partner would work best for you. You may also develop a better intuition for coping with issues should they arise during the relationship. 

Remain open-minded

Once you know who you are and what type of companion would be most compatible with your lifestyle, it can be essential to remain open-minded when meeting potential partners. Just because someone isn’t exactly what you pictured doesn’t mean they won’t be able to provide the companionship and satisfaction that comes from being part of a healthy relationship. 

Being open-minded when searching for friendship or romance, instead of focusing on one specific set of criteria, may widen your circle of potential companions, make it easier to fall in love, and increase your chances of finding lasting true love. 

Communication can be key

No matter who your companion is or how long you have been together, communication typically remains essential for any successful relationship. It may be beneficial to establish common ground early on by discussing expectations from each other, financial responsibility within the relationship, family values and beliefs, and other areas where both parties have differing views. 

Talking about these issues sooner rather than later may prevent misunderstandings down the line, potentially leading to conflict or even breaking up the relationship altogether. 

Additionally, having an open dialogue may allow both parties to express their feelings without fear of judgment while also gaining a better understanding of why certain things bother them or make them happy—which can be crucial when forming solid bonds over time. 

In recent years, online therapy has become a practical resource for helping people maintain and strengthen relationships and find love. Working with a therapist online can promote meaningful conversations around complex topics, potentially allowing couples to understand each other's needs and values better. 

Online therapy can also enable people who may be in long-distance relationships to count on steady support. Furthermore, video conferencing can make it easy to explore common patterns in dating relationships and develop concrete strategies for navigating potential conflicts. By taking advantage of the power of online therapy, individuals may increase their insight into finding true companionship or enriching their existing connections.

Online therapy can be effective in improving relationship satisfaction and helping couples work through challenges together. Please don’t hesitate to seek the professional help you deserve if your love life has encountered difficulties.

Online counselor reviews

“Janie has been listening to my concerns and the things that are affecting me and my relationship. We have just started working together but she has given me a lot of good things to think about, recommended some reading, and is going to send me some prompts to think of ways to phrase my questions and thoughts to my wife in ways that do not make her feel that I am attacking her or that she needs to be defensive. I look forward to continuing to work with Janie to hopefully save my marriage.”

“Mrs. Carter is an excellent counselor. She listens and gives great advice and pointers. It's only been about 3 weeks in counseling and she has helped my wife and I tremendously.”

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the characteristics of genuine love? Is finding real love difficult? How do you test someone for love? How do you know a man loves you deeply? At what age does genuine affection begin? What is the duration of pure love? When should you start looking for real love? What are the 5 signs of love? How do you know if a man doesn't love you? How do you know he is cheating? How does a man act when he is in love? What makes men fall in love? What are the signs of love of men? Why does pure love fade? How do you know if you meet your soulmate?

• Am I In Love? Nine Signs You’re Marrying The Man You Truly Love Medically reviewed by Laura Angers Maddox , NCC, LPC
• The Different Types Of Love And How To Identify Them Medically reviewed by Arianna Williams , LPC, CCTP
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10 Secrets to Lasting Love

3. what brings you together isn't what keeps you together..

Posted February 7, 2023 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

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• Be intentional by reflecting on who you are and what you want. Identify the patterns and behaviors that have been holding you back.
• Your goal isn’t to mold someone into your long-term partner — it’s to be in a loving relationship.
• Only date those who have your values and goals and want to share them with you.

When it comes to relationships, people have lots of questions. But there’s one I get more often than all the others. People word it differently, but it’s always some version of “How do I find the love of my life?”

It’s a great question because it’s an important one. Having that special person will surely enhance your life, but that person can be difficult to find. It’s not your fault; if lasting love was easy to find, we all would have found our forever partner by now. The fact is, it’s anything but easy. It’s complicated.

To simplify it, I gathered an all-star group of top relationship experts and asked each one the million-dollar relationship question: “What’s the secret to finding lasting love?” In other words, what do people need to do to find not just any partner but the right partner for them? Here are their insights:

1. Trust Yourself. The secret to finding lasting love is to trust your intuition , your knowing. You are the expert of you. You are the one who knows what makes you happy. If you feel you are talking yourself into a relationship, that's a "no." Know who you are, know your worth, and you'll never settle for less. When you've found your "person," you'll know it: mind, body, and soul. Your intuition will never steer you wrong. Trusting yourself and honoring how you feel will ultimately bring you to the love waiting for you, not just any love, but the right love for you. ( Jaime Bronstein, LCSW; author of MAN*ifesting: A Step-By-Step Guide to Attracting the Love That's Meant for You)

2. You Can’t Hurry Love. The biggest secret to finding lasting love is clear expectations and clear communication. We have seen so many rom-coms and fairytales that we begin to believe the myth that love is just going to fall into our laps. I have my clients develop clarity around their ideal partner based on values and goals , the two biggest predictors of long-term compatibility (not height, income, or a cute face.) Then, if you clearly communicate your feelings and desires to your partner, you’re more likely to get your needs met along the way. Lasting love happens slowly, in small increments and there’s no fast-forward button. ( Damona Hoffman, h ost of The Dates & Mates Podcast and OkCupid Dating Expert)

3. What Gets You Together Isn’t What Keeps You Together. The strategies that help you attract a partner aren’t the same ones that support a fulfilling long-term relationship. When dating it’s easy to focus on “Do they like me?” But for long-term success, the better question is “Are they good for me?” For lasting love, emphasize friendship , connection, and compatibility. Don't get distracted by superficial physical qualities. When finding a partner we emphasize excitement, but lasting love is more about comfort, stability, and security. (Dr. Gary Lewandowski (me), author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship...and How to See Past Them )

4. Love Is a Contract. The secret to lasting love is understanding the game. Love is much more about skill, than luck. Lasting love doesn't just happen. The negotiation for commitment begins with the first text. And the "lasting” love contract gets renegotiated for years with good communication skills and boundary setting. Love can be learned. ( Wendy Walsh , host of iHeart Radio's Dr. Wendy Walsh Show)

5. Be Intentional. If you want to find lasting love, it’s time to start dating intentionally. That means taking a step back and reflecting on who you are, what you want, and why dating hasn’t worked out for you yet. What are the patterns and behaviors that have been holding you back? Are you too picky? Not picky enough? Ask some close friends for feedback if you’re struggling to identify these on your own. The sooner you identify your dating blindspots, the sooner you can overcome them and find the relationship of your dreams . ( Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge and author of How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love)

6. Confidence Is Key. The key to finding long-lasting love is building your confidence, knowing your value, and raising your standards until you meet someone with all three components of our lasting love formula: Attraction + Compatibility + Friendship. Furthermore, having a support system or a community to guide you through the ups and downs of dating will drastically increase the likelihood of success. ( Adam LoDolce, founder of LoveStrategies.com)

7. Focus on the Relationship Not the Partner. Commit to creating a loving relationship vs. committing to a person. Your goal isn’t to mold someone into your long-term partner — it’s to be in a loving relationship. There is always a chance that once you get to know someone deeper, they may not be the partner you are able to create your ideal relationship with. If you’re unable to have that with the current person, it is time to move on. ( Dawoon Kang: Co-founder and Chief Dating Officer of Coffee Meets Bagel)

8. Become a Good “Filterer." In order to find lasting love, we need to be mindful of our partner selection process. This begins by filtering out the type of people who do not share our romantic goals and value system. Get clear on what you want to experience within your partnership. That knowledge will assist you in qualifying those who are prospective partners (and a good match). Choose to date only those who ‘want what you want and want that with you.’ ( Susan Winter , author of Breakup Triage and Allowing Magnificence )

9. Sustain All Three Basic Mating Drives. Pick someone you can trust and confide in; who respects you; whom you find physically attractive; who makes you laugh; whom you find interesting to talk to; and who will be a good parent to your children. Then during the relationship: express empathy; control your emotions; and focus on the positive aspects of him or her. You might also sustain all three basic mating drives: Have sex regularly; do novel things together to sustain romance; and stay in touch, (kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc.), to drive up the chemicals of attachment . Last, have fun together. People who play together, stay together. ( Dr. Helen Fisher , biological anthropologist and Chief Science Advisor to Match.com)

10. Find Alignment on Key Dimensions. Find a partner with whom you are naturally compatible in key areas. Although you won’t find someone who is in complete alignment with you in everything, similarities in things such as values, fundamental beliefs, and the way you want to live your life can make your relationship smoother. It won’t feel like a chore or like you are sacrificing who you are to accommodate each other’s preferences, because the gap isn’t that far to bridge. ( Anita Chlipala , LMFT; author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple's Guide to Lasting Love )

Facebook image: Bobex-73/Shutterstock

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., is the author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship...and How to See Past Them .

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Home — Essay Samples — Literature — Their Eyes Were Watching God — The Value of Finding True Love and Friendship in Their Eyes Were Watching God

The Value of Finding True Love and Friendship in Their Eyes Were Watching God

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Published: Jun 29, 2018

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Hurston, Zora Neale. Their Eyes Were Watching God. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

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Essay on Love for Students and Children

500+ words essay on love.

Love is the most significant thing in human’s life. Each science and every single literature masterwork will tell you about it. Humans are also social animals. We lived for centuries with this way of life, we were depended on one another to tell us how our clothes fit us, how our body is whether healthy or emaciated. All these we get the honest opinions of those who love us, those who care for us and makes our happiness paramount.

What is Love?

Love is a set of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs with strong feelings of affection. So, for example, a person might say he or she loves his or her dog, loves freedom, or loves God. The concept of love may become an unimaginable thing and also it may happen to each person in a particular way.

Love has a variety of feelings, emotions, and attitude. For someone love is more than just being interested physically in another one, rather it is an emotional attachment. We can say love is more of a feeling that a person feels for another person. Therefore, the basic meaning of love is to feel more than liking towards someone.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Need of Love

We know that the desire to love and care for others is a hard-wired and deep-hearted because the fulfillment of this wish increases the happiness level. Expressing love for others benefits not just the recipient of affection, but also the person who delivers it. The need to be loved can be considered as one of our most basic and fundamental needs.

One of the forms that this need can take is contact comfort. It is the desire to be held and touched. So there are many experiments showing that babies who are not having contact comfort, especially during the first six months, grow up to be psychologically damaged.

Significance of Love

Love is as critical for the mind and body of a human being as oxygen. Therefore, the more connected you are, the healthier you will be physically as well as emotionally. It is also true that the less love you have, the level of depression will be more in your life. So, we can say that love is probably the best antidepressant.

It is also a fact that the most depressed people don’t love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also become self-focused and hence making themselves less attractive to others.

Society and Love

It is a scientific fact that society functions better when there is a certain sense of community. Compassion and love are the glue for society. Hence without it, there is no feeling of togetherness for further evolution and progress. Love , compassion, trust and caring we can say that these are the building blocks of relationships and society.

Relationship and Love

A relationship is comprised of many things such as friendship , sexual attraction , intellectual compatibility, and finally love. Love is the binding element that keeps a relationship strong and solid. But how do you know if you are in love in true sense? Here are some symptoms that the emotion you are feeling is healthy, life-enhancing love.

Love is the Greatest Wealth in Life

Love is the greatest wealth in life because we buy things we love for our happiness. For example, we build our dream house and purchase a favorite car to attract love. Being loved in a remote environment is a better experience than been hated even in the most advanced environment.

Love or Money

Love should be given more importance than money as love is always everlasting. Money is important to live, but having a true companion you can always trust should come before that. If you love each other, you will both work hard to help each other live an amazing life together.

Love has been a vital reason we do most things in our life. Before we could know ourselves, we got showered by it from our close relatives like mothers , fathers , siblings, etc. Thus love is a unique gift for shaping us and our life. Therefore, we can say that love is a basic need of life. It plays a vital role in our life, society, and relation. It gives us energy and motivation in a difficult time. Finally, we can say that it is greater than any other thing in life.

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Modern love: scientific insights from 21st century dating.

• Personality/Social
• Relationships

Take Your Pick

For millions of years, humans have been selecting mates using the wealth of information gleaned in face-to-face interactions — not just appearance, but characteristics such as tone of voice, body language, and scent, as well as immediate feedback to their own communications. Does mate selection differ when those looking are presented with an almost overwhelming number of potential partners, but limited to a few photos, statistics, and an introductory paragraph about each one? What information do online daters focus on? Is it all about the photo? Or are words the key to someone’s heart (or at least their Match.com inbox)? In one survey of Australian online daters, 85% said they would not contact someone without a posted photo, so physical appearance is indeed important (Fiore et al., 2008). A 2008 study in which participants rated actual online profiles confirmed this, but also explored the criteria that made certain photos attractive (Fiore et al., 2008). Men were considered more attractive when they looked genuine, extraverted, and feminine, but not overly warm or kind. (Although feminine male photos were seen as attractive, whole male profiles were rated more attractive when they seemed more masculine, a perplexing result worthy of more study.) Women were deemed more attractive when they looked feminine, high in self-esteem, and not selfish. This study also found that the narrative  self-descriptive sections of the profiles played a key role in attractiveness, but the fixed choice sections of the profiles (where users have to pick from a specific set of descriptors, i.e., “Have children now,” “Want children someday,”  “Don’t want children,” smoker/non-smoker, etc.) only minimally affected attractiveness ratings. However, these fixed choice descriptors allow users to triage by easily weeding out those who don’t meet their  dealbreaker criteria for a partner (Fiore et al., 2008).

Researchers believe that users make up for the lack of information in online profiles by filling in the blanks with guesses based on small pieces of information. Some theorize that online daters may be wearing rose colored glasses when looking at potential dates — filling in the information gaps with positive qualities in a potential partner (Gibbs et al., 2006). In one study, knowing more information about a potential date generally led to liking them less, possibly because it called out inconsistencies and reduced opportunities to fill in the blanks with positive inferences. But, with a particularly compatible partner, more information led to more liking. For online daters, this means that a very detailed profile might attract fewer, but more compatible suitors (Norton et al., 2007).

Research has also revealed gender differences in both preference and messaging behavior on online dating sites. In particular, women and men differ in the relative importance they assign to various attributes of potential partners. A forthcoming study conducted by Günter Hitsch, Ali Hortaçsu (both at University of Chicago), and Dan Ariely (Duke University) confirmed existing evolutional theory, finding that in a sample of 22,000 online daters women weigh income more than physical attributes, including facial attractiveness, height and body mass index, when deciding who to contact (Hitsch et al., 2009). Interestingly, these differences persist even when reproduction is no longer a factor. In a study that looked at online daters across the lifespan, even older men “sought physical attractiveness and offered status-related information more than women” and women continued to be the more selective gender (Sears-Roberts Alterovitz & Mendelsohn, 2009).

In a nine-month study of participants on a dating site in 2008 and 2009, Andrew Fiore, a graduate student at the University of California, Berkeley, and his colleagues examined stated preferences and actual messaging behavior (Fiore et al., 2010). In general, women really are pickier than men — listing smaller ranges in their preferences for age and ethnicity. Women also initiate and reply to contact less than men. They were contacted much more than men and, hence, generally had their choice of who to reply to. But, just as in the face-to-face dating scene, respect is important — users who respected others’ listed preferences for a potential partner were more likely to get a response. In light of these findings, the researchers presented some advice to potential online daters: “Choose wisely and, if possible, be female” (Fiore et al., 2010).

This study also leads to some intriguing design ideas for online dating sites’ automatic matching systems, which present users with sets of likely partners. More popular users are contacted more and, therefore, are less likely to respond to any one user. Taking this into account, dating sites may want to steer users toward slightly less popular potential dates who are more likely to respond, “a trade-off many users may willingly accept” (Fiore et al., 2010).

What I Like About You Me

In a 2005 study, Fiore and Judith Donath (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) examined messaging data from 65,000 users of a United States-based dating site. They found that users preferred sameness on all of the categories they tested (a variety of features from child preferences to education to physical features like height). But some factors played a larger role than others, with marital status and wanting or already having children showing the strongest same-seeking. Fiore has also found that women responded more frequently to men whose popularity on the site (a measure based on the average number of people contacting the user per day) was similar to their own (Fiore, 2010).

Online dating service users tend to contact people who are about as attractive as they are, but does your own attractiveness level influence how attractive you believe others to be? One research team put this question to the test on the website HOTorNOT.com. The site was launched in 2000 purely for users to rate each other on how attractive (or, obviously, not) they were. Later, the site added an online dating component. This provided an extra set of information for researchers — not only knowing who’s talking to whom, but the overall attractiveness ratings of those users from everyone on the site. Consistent with previous research, this study, published in Psychological Science , found that people with similar levels of physical attractiveness indeed tend to date each other, with more attractive people being more particular about the physical attractiveness of their potential dates. Compared to females, males are more influenced by how physically attractive their potential dates are, but less affected by how attractive they themselves are when deciding whom to date. (But these findings about gender bias in attraction are being challenged in other studies – more on this later.)  Also, regardless of how attractive people themselves are, they seem to judge others’ attractiveness in similar ways, supporting the notion that we have largely universal, culturally independent standards of beauty (e.g., symmetric faces; Lee et al., 2008).

Stretching (or Shrinking) the Truth

Assessing potential partners online hinges on other users being truthful in their descriptions. But what if they aren’t? Psychological scientists have turned to online dating to examine how truthful people are in their descriptions of themselves, both with themselves and to others. Online daters walk a fine line — everyone wants to make themselves as attractive as possible to potential dates, making deception very tempting. But, daters can’t be too deceptive, lest they actually get to the point of a real life meeting in which they could be exposed. Catalina Toma, Jeffrey Hancock (both at Cornell University), and Nicole Ellison (Michigan State University) examined the relationship between actual physical attributes and online self-descriptions of online daters in New York. They found that lying was ubiquitous, but usually fairly small in terms of magnitude. Men tended to lie about height and women tended to lie about weight. And the lying wasn’t due to self-deception — self-ratings of attributes tended to be accurate, even when information on the dating site was not (Toma, 2008).

The Need for Speed

Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist and co-author of the HOTorNOT.com study and the forth-coming article with Hitsch and Hortaçsu, was initially drawn to online dating because it seemed like a very nice solution to a common problem — people in need of partners and no market for them to find each other. But while online dating has yielded fascinating results about preferences and many real-world matches, it doesn’t work for every person looking for a mate because it is so difficult to quantify the qualities that lead to and keep attraction going. As Ariely said, attempting to sum up the myriad aspects of a person in an online dating profile can be like “describing a dish in a restaurant by its chemical composition.” It’s accurate, but it doesn’t provide useful information when deciding what to order. Another modern dating innovation may provide a better solution: speed dating.

In the late 1990s, a rabbi in Los Angeles created a new way for Jewish singles in his community to meet each other — they would go on many “dates” lasting just a few minutes in one night, report to the event organizers if they wanted to see any of their “dates” in the future, and, if two people said yes to each other, they would be given contact information to continue corresponding. Since then, speed dating has spread around the world, giving millions of singles a chance at love. It also gives savvy researchers an unprecedented chance to study attraction in situ .

In the winter of 2004, Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick, both at Northwestern University at the time, thought that speed dating would be “a terrific way to catch initial attraction in action,” as Eastwick, now at Texas A&M, reported. This hunch was confirmed by a speed dating outing with several other Northwestern colleagues, and the researchers embarked a new track of speed dating work. (No word on whether the outing was a success from other standpoints.)

As Finkel and Eastwick point out in a 2008 study published in Current Directions in Psychological Science , the popularity of speed dating allows the collection of large, real world samples across cultures, ethnicities, and socioeconomic levels. The speed dating design also lets researchers to study both sides of a dyadic process. A speed dating event with 20 participants would yield 400 separate interactions, allowing researchers to create very detailed accounts of people’s attractions. For example, they would be able to tell that a certain woman liked a certain man because (a) she likes all the men (she has fewer dealbreaker standards), (b) all the women liked that man (he was an irresistible dish), or (c) they had a unique experience that made her like him more than other men at the event and him like her more than other women at the event (Finkel & Eastwick, 2008). Also, speed dating allows for exploring reciprocity effects. A 2007 Psychological Science article (Eastwick et al., 2007) found that liking can be reciprocal — if a women likes a certain man more than others, he is more likely to like her — but isn’t always reciprocal — if a woman likes all the men more than other women did, the men will generally like her less. As Finkel says, “romantic likers tend to be disliked.”

Speed dating empowers researchers to study interactions as they happen, rather than post-hoc reports. It also allows for testing actual versus stated preferences. One speed dating study showed that stated preferences do not match actual preferences and called into question the gender biases in attraction that have been well-documented elsewhere (i.e., that men see physical features as more important and women see earning prospects or security as more important), raising the specter of a disconnect between what we say we’re attracted to and what we’re actually attracted to (Eastwick  & Finkel, 2008).

Speed dating studies also allow researchers to study the implications of simple changes in dating paradigms. For example, even in light of the emerging sexual equality of the last several decades, many women (and men) expect the man to play the pursuer at the beginning of romantic heterosexual relationships (Finkel & Eastwick, 2009). This idea holds true at speed dating events, where women generally stay seated while the men rotate. This set-up stems from vague notions of chivalry, but also from more mundane purposes — according to one speed dating company executive, women tend to have more stuff with them, like purses, and are therefore less efficient movers. Could this set-up in itself affect attraction? Turns out that it can. In most speed dating scenarios (as in most attraction scenarios in general) women are more selective. But, when women rotated, this effect disappeared and they became less selective than the men. The researchers purport that, consistent with an embodied-approach explanation, the physical act of being the one to approach could increase self-confidence leading to being more open to approaching romantic partners and, therefore, less selective (Finkel & Eastwick, 2009). (For more information on embodied cognition, see “The Body of Knowledge” in the January 2010 Observer .)

he search for love is never easy and attraction is never simple.  Research into online matchmaking and speed dating is providing valuable insight into the human quest for romance, and this is only the beginning. Most of the research in this area to-date focuses on dating behavior of heterosexuals in the United States. More work is necessary to determine if the findings so far also apply to international daters and to understand the dynamics of homosexual pairings. Emerging methods may also bring new insight into dating dynamics. Finkel and Eastwick have begun using a coding scheme to study exactly what participants are saying during their dates, allowing them to potentially code what exactly makes a date great or awkward. As they say, “Is it better to be warm or a little cool and aloof? Is it better to communicate independence from or interdependence with your partner?” The duo has also begun to collect saliva samples from speed daters which they hope will allow them to explore “the biochemistry of romantic desire.” In the future, the search for love may be as simple as submitting saliva and waiting for a match, but for now those looking for love can at least take this new research to heart.

References and Further Reading

Eastwick, P.W., Finkel, E. J., Mochon, D., & Ariely, D. (2007). Selective versus unselective romantic desire: Not all reciprocity is created equal. Psychological Science , 18 , 317–319.

Eastwick, P.W., & Finkel, E.J. (2008). Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: Do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 94 , 245-264 .

Finkel, E.J., & Eastwick, P.W. (2009). Arbitrary social norms influence sex differences in romantic selectivity. Psychological Science , 20 , 1290-1295.

Finkel, E.J., & Eastwick, P.W. (2008). Speed-dating. Current Directions in Psychological Science , 17 , 193-197.

Fiore, A.T., & Donath, J.S. (2005). Homophily in online dating: When do you like someone like yourself? Short Paper, ACM Computer-Human Interaction 2005.

Fiore, A.T., & Donath, J.S. (2004). Online personals: An overview . Short Paper, ACM Computer-Human Interaction 2004 .

Fiore, A T., Taylor, L S., Mendelsohn, G.A., & Hearst, M. (2008). Assessing attractiveness in online dating profiles . Short Paper, ACM Computer-Human Interaction 2008.

Fiore, A.T., Taylor, L.S., Zhong, X., Mendelsohn, G.A., & Cheshire, C. (2010). Who’s right and who writes: People, profiles, contacts, and replies in online dating. In Proceedings of Hawai’i International Conference on System Sciences, 43 .

Gibbs, J.L., Ellison, N.B., & Heino, R.D. (2006). Self-presentation in online personals: The role of anticipated future interaction, self-disclosure, and perceived success in Internet dating . Communication Research , 33 , 1-26.

Hitsch, G.J., Hortaçsu, A., & Ariely, D. (in press). Matching and sorting in online dating. American Economic Review.

Hitsch, G.J., Hortaçsu, A., & Ariely, D. (2009). What makes you click: An empirical analysis of online dating. Working Paper, retrieved Jan. 2010 from: http://home.uchicago.edu/~hortacsu/onlinedating.pdf

Lee, L., Loewenstein, G., Ariely, D., Hong, J., & Young, J. (2008). If I’m not hot, are you hot or not? Physical-attractiveness evaluations and dating preferences as a function of one’s own attractiveness. Psychological Science , 19 , 669-677.

Norton, M., Frost, J., & Ariely, D. (2007). Less is more: The lure of ambiguity, or why familiarity breeds contempt. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 92, 97-105.

Sears-Roberts Alterovitz, S., & Mendelsohn, G.A. (2009). Partner preferences across the life span: Online dating by older adults, Psychology and Aging , 24 , 513-517.

Toma, C., Hancock, J., & Ellison, N. (2008). Separating fact from fiction: An examination of deceptive self-presentation in online dating profiles. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34 , 1023-1036.

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Before You Write a Love Essay, Read This to Get Examples

The day will come when you can’t escape the fate of all students: You will have to write a what is love essay.

No worries:

Here you’ll find tons of love essay topics and examples. No time to read everything? Scroll down to get a free PDF with original samples.

Definition: Essay on Love

First, let’s define what is love essay?

The most common topics are:

• Definition of love
• What is love?
• Meaning of love

Why limit yourself to these hackneyed, general themes? Below, I’ll show how to make your paper on love original yet relevant to the prompt you get from teachers.

Love Essay Topics: 20 Ideas to Choose for Your Paper

Your essay on love and relationship doesn’t have to be super official and unemotional. It’s ok to share reflections and personal opinions when writing about romance.

Often, students get a general task to write an essay on love. It means they can choose a theme and a title for their paper. If that’s your case,  feel free to try any of these love essay topics:

• Exploring the impact of love on individuals and relationships.
• Love in the digital age: Navigating romance in a tech world.
• Is there any essence and significance in unconditional love?
• Love as a universal language: Connecting hearts across cultures.
• Biochemistry of love: Exploring the process.
• Love vs. passion vs. obsession.
• How love helps cope with heartbreak and grief.
• The art of loving. How we breed intimacy and trust.
• The science behind attraction and attachment.
• How love and relationships shape our identity and help with self-discovery.
• Love and vulnerability: How to embrace emotional openness.
• Romance is more complex than most think: Passion, intimacy, and commitment explained.
• Love as empathy: Building sympathetic connections in a cruel world.
• Evolution of love. How people described it throughout history.
• The role of love in mental and emotional well-being.
• Love as a tool to look and find purpose in life.
• Welcoming diversity in relations through love and acceptance.
• Love vs. friendship: The intersection of platonic and romantic bonds.
• The choices we make and challenges we overcome for those we love.
• Love and forgiveness: How its power heals wounds and strengthens bonds.

Love Essay Examples: Choose Your Sample for Inspiration

Essays about love are usually standard, 5-paragraph papers students write in college:

• One paragraph is for an introduction, with a hook and a thesis statement
• Three are for a body, with arguments or descriptions
• One last passage is for a conclusion, with a thesis restatement and final thoughts

Below are the ready-made samples to consider. They’ll help you see what an essay about love with an introduction, body, and conclusion looks like.

What is love essay: 250 words

Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Indeed, love can transform individuals, relationships, and our world.

A word of immense depth and countless interpretations, love has always fascinated philosophers, poets, and ordinary individuals. This  emotion breaks boundaries and has a super power to change lives. But what is love, actually?

It’s a force we feel in countless ways. It is the warm embrace of a parent, filled with care and unwavering support. It is the gentle touch of a lover, sparking a flame that ignites passion and desire. Love is the kind words of a friend, offering solace and understanding in times of need. It is the selfless acts of compassion and empathy that bind humanity together.

Love is not confined to romantic relationships alone. It is found in the family bonds, the connections we forge with friends, and even the compassion we extend to strangers. Love is a thread that weaves through the fabric of our lives, enriching and nourishing our souls.

However, love is not without its complexities. It can be both euphoric and agonizing, uplifting and devastating. Love requires vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to embrace joy and pain. It is a delicate balance between passion and compassion, independence and interdependence.

Finally, the essence of love may be elusive to define with mere words. It is an experience that surpasses language and logic, encompassing a spectrum of emotions and actions. Love is a profound connection that unites us all, reminding us of our shared humanity and the capacity for boundless compassion.

What is love essay: 500 words

A 500-word essay on why I love you

Trying to encapsulate why I love you in a mere 500 words is impossible. My love for you goes beyond the confines of language, transcending words and dwelling in the realm of emotions, connections, and shared experiences. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to express the depth and breadth of my affection for you.

First and foremost, I love you for who you are. You possess a unique blend of qualities and characteristics that captivate my heart and mind. Your kindness and compassion touch the lives of those around you, and I am grateful to be the recipient of your unwavering care and understanding. Your intelligence and wit constantly challenge me to grow and learn, stimulating my mind and enriching our conversations. You have a beautiful spirit that radiates warmth and joy, and I am drawn to your vibrant energy.

I love the way you make me feel. When I am with you, I feel a sense of comfort and security that allows me to be my true self. Your presence envelops me in a cocoon of love and acceptance, where I can express my thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. Your support and encouragement inspire me to pursue my passions and overcome obstacles. With you by my side, I feel empowered to face the world, knowing I have a partner who believes in me.

I love the memories we have created together. From the laughter-filled moments of shared adventures to the quiet and intimate conversations, every memory is etched in my heart. Whether exploring new places, indulging in our favorite activities, or simply enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence, each experience reinforces our bond. Our shared memories serve as a foundation for our relationship, a testament to the depth of our connection and the love that binds us.

I love your quirks and imperfections. Your true essence shines through these unique aspects! Your little traits make me smile and remind me of the beautiful individual you are. I love how you wrinkle your nose when you laugh, become lost in thought when reading a book, and even sing off-key in the shower. These imperfections make you human, relatable, and utterly lovable.

I love the future we envision together. We support each other’s goals, cheering one another on as we navigate the path toward our dreams. The thought of building a life together, creating a home filled with love and shared experiences, fills my heart with anticipation and excitement. The future we imagine is one that I am eager to explore with you by my side.

In conclusion, the reasons why I love you are as vast and varied as the universe itself. It is a love that defies logic and surpasses the limitations of language. From the depths of my being, I love you for the person you are, the way you make me feel, the memories we cherish, your quirks and imperfections, and the future we envision together. My love for you is boundless, unconditional, and everlasting.

A 5-paragraph essay about love

I’ve gathered all the samples (and a few bonus ones) in one PDF. It’s free to download. So, you can keep it at hand when the time comes to write a love essay.

Ready to Write Your Essay About Love?

Now that you know the definition of a love essay and have many topic ideas, it’s time to write your A-worthy paper! Here go the steps:

• Check all the examples of what is love essay from this post.
• Choose the topic and angle that fits your prompt best.
• Write your original and inspiring story.

Any questions left? Our writers are all ears. Please don’t hesitate to ask!

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The Meaning of True Love 2 Pages 508 Words

             Many people have lost the true meaning of love. Love is a very important part of one's life, and if there is uncertainty, it should not be pursued. The true meaning of love is to be in a complete and total bond with each other and care for each other when others flee. While many people try to achieve love in other ways, such as seeking financial support or having someone to support them in ways that they should do on their own, is not the true meaning of love. The ideas stated in the last sentence would help relationships but would blur the overall meaning of love.              Many people have looked for love in the wrong places. One must find a person to care for one in the darkest days to fully understand the true meaning of love. The true meaning of love is not easily achievable, and that is why some people will settle for less. True love will make one happy above all other aspects of life. The struggle to find one's perfect match is worth it in the end. Most people will settle for living a mediocre life with an average person instead of seeking the true meaning of love.              One who discovers the true meaning of love and achieves it with a significant other will far surpass any other's life. The true meaning of love is an outstanding goal and, when achieved, will be greatly beneficial. Persons who find this love with each other are few and far between. The lives of many are spoiled by greed and insecurity. Love is a very good medicine, so to speak; it will cure most of one's problems. When times are hard and one has to really look at how bad one's life is, just having someone to love in the most unconditional way will cure all troubles.              When one thinks of love, he probably thinks of things he has in common with the loved one, and the fun that's had together. The similarities had together is just the outer edge of what true love really means. When one achieves trust a              ...

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8-Year-Old Survives Bus Plunge Off Bridge That Left 45 People Dead

The bus, which was carrying people from Botswana to an Easter weekend pilgrimage in South Africa, fell 165 feet into a ravine.

By John Eligon

Reporting from Johannesburg

An 8-year-old girl was the sole survivor after a bus carrying 46 people on their way to an Easter weekend pilgrimage in South Africa on Thursday plunged 165 feet from a bridge into a ravine and burst into flames, according to a local department of transportation.

The bus was traveling from Botswana to Moria, a religious pilgrimage site in South Africa’s northeast, when it careered off a bridge winding through the Mmamatlakala mountain pass after the driver “lost control,” the department said in a statement.

Forty-five people, including the driver, were killed.

The girl was receiving medical attention at a nearby hospital, the Limpopo Province department of transportation in South Africa said in a statement . The child was in serious condition, according to another government statement.

“Rescue operations continued until the late hours of Thursday evening, as some bodies were burned beyond recognition, others trapped inside the debris and others scattered on the scene,” the transportation department said.

President Cyril Ramaphosa of South Africa called his counterpart in Botswana, President Mokgweetsi Masisi, to extend his condolences, the president’s office said in a statement released late Thursday.

The crash occurred in a scenic, mountainous area of winding roads and sweeping vistas about three and a half hours north of Johannesburg. The road on a high overpass bent sharply over a ravine flanked on both sides by rocky, tree-covered slopes.

The area attracts a lot of traffic on Easter weekend for a pilgrimage to Moria, the headquarters of the Zion Christian Church, one of the largest in the country. Mr. Ramaphosa visited last year’s pilgrimage, the first one since the Covid-19 pandemic. South African border officials had said they were bracing for an influx of visitors for this year’s pilgrimage.

The nationalities of the victims have not yet been determined.

The tragedy struck as South Africans prepared for a four-day weekend, with public holidays on Friday and Monday.

Around major holidays, the South African authorities often take extra measures like police roadblocks and publicity campaigns to help prevent traffic accidents. On Wednesday, South Africa’s minister of transport, Sindisiwe Chikunga, started an Easter road-safety campaign, noting that traffic accidents often spiked during the holiday.

“Easter is a time for celebration, but it is also a time when roads can be more dangerous due to increased traffic and holiday festivities,” the ministry warned .

Africa has historically had among the highest road-fatality rates in the world, according to data from the World Bank and the World Health Organization .

South Africa had more than 12,400 road fatalities in 2022, the most recent year for which statistics are available. The Automobile Association of South Africa called the traffic deaths a “national crisis” in a statement released last year. The association argued that the government needed to invest more in road safety and to enforce traffic laws better.

“Unless these two issues are dealt with, our country’s abysmal road safety situation will never improve,” it said.

Russell Goldman contributed reporting from New York.

John Eligon is the Johannesburg bureau chief for The Times, covering a wide range of events and trends that influence and shape the lives of ordinary people across southern Africa. More about John Eligon