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How to Write the Florida State University Essays 2021-2022

Located just west of Tallahassee, Florida State University is a suburban public university that hosts over 41,000 students on its campus. FSU offers its students a wide selection of 351 programs, including 107 undergraduate majors across various disciplines.

Florida State is well known for its vibrant social scene and its top varsity athletic programs. The beloved “Seminoles” have won many Atlantic Coast conferences and national championships. The intensity of the football team’s rivalry with the University of Florida’s Gators spreads throughout the entire student body and reaches a climax at the annual Sunshine Showdown.

Approximately 37% of applicants gain admission. Calculate your chances of acceptance to FSU using our free chancing engine.

Florida State accepts its own FSU Application, the Common Application, or the Coalition Application. For the FSU and Coalition Applications, there are 5 essay topics you can choose from. You only need to choose one and write a 650-word essay. We’ve broken those 5 down below. For the Common Application, you can choose from the Common App prompts .  

FSU Application Essay Prompts

Essay prompt instructions.

Candidates are to compose one 650-word essay after deciding on one of the five prompts published on the school’s website.

The purpose of the essay is to help the admissions committee learn more about you as a person. Although the essay is described as only “highly recommended,” in reality admissions officers are expecting serious applicants to submit an essay (unless under extenuating circumstances). Your writing will paint a personal picture for the admission officers and demonstrate serious interest in the school.

Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

The first prompt asks for you to discuss a memory or story of a situation that either showcased or affected you personally. FSU’s goal here is to assess your storytelling ability and better understand your values and character through a specific example.

It is crucial for you to connect your story and its effect on your character to who you are as a person. It would be an easy mistake to use all 550 words to discuss this important narrative and ignore the crux of the question: its “demonstration of your character.”

Impactful essays do not have to be based on extreme physical or mental experiences. In fact, it is the accumulation of small experiences that defines how we react during turbulent times. An act of any scale that was especially memorable to you can work; it’s about how you analyze the incident, not what the incident was.

For instance, you might choose to write about being friends with someone who faced mental health issues and how that changed your feelings toward such illnesses and led you to participate in a campaign for raising mental health awareness. You could take it a step further, explaining how the experience shaped your behavior not only around that particular friend, but also around everybody else you know.

Keep in mind that the scope of the question also includes experiences that helped shape your character, so you can even choose to write about something you’ve witnessed others do. Remember to use concise but vivid imagery to describe the situation in the first 150-250 words and then devote the rest of the words to analyzing its impact on character.

It may be wise to write longer drafts at first (in the 700-word range). This allows the editing process to filter for the essence of the writing, instead of trying to add more content, thereby ensuring the fluency of the writing.

Describe a time when you made a meaningful contribution to others in which the greater good was your focus. Discuss the challenges and rewards of making your contribution.

This question appears to be more challenging than the previous one, as you have to detail a selfless act of sacrifice while explaining your motivations and avoiding corny wording.

Note that this “greater good” contribution does not limit you to instances in which you interacted with groups of “great” numbers. No matter the scale of your impact, if there existed a beneficiary to your actions, then you can write about it. Remember that “greater good” excludes class assignments or other activities that were required of you.

The key to this essay is making sure your motivations for the contribution are portrayed as personal and unique to you.

Many students will choose to write about a volunteer experience they participated in. If you choose to discuss a community service activity, make sure you differentiate your experience by highlighting your motivations and your emotions during the experience (rather than describing simply the activity you participated in).  

For example, you might choose to write about a mission trip to another country that you took in your sophomore year of high school. However, rather than discussing the trip as a whole, it would be more effective to focus on a particular moment or problem that you encountered during the trip.

For instance, you could elaborate on the experience of visiting one of the children’s homes and the feeling of speaking to his parents directly. Describing a particular moment, as well as the specific emotions you felt and how your perspectives changed because of it, would help the essay stand out in a pile of volunteering essays.

In addition, focus on the process of the contribution and how you felt emotionally throughout the act.

Try to answer the following questions:

• What would have happened if you did not make that sacrifice/contribution? How would you have felt then?
• How did the contribution make you feel? How did it make others around you feel? How did it make the beneficiaries feel?
• What did you learn?

Emphasizing the internal development that occurred during your experience is key to making this essay shine.

Has there been a time when you’ve had a long-cherished or accepted belief challenged? How did you respond? How did the challenge affect your beliefs?

This third prompt asks to hear about a philosophical difference you have had with a family member, teacher, peer, society at large, or even yourself. In a sense, this prompt is similar to the previous one about the “meaningful contribution.” In both cases, FSU wants to learn about a process occurring in your mind. The previous prompt emphasizes actions and their effects, while this focuses more on an ideological struggle.

For example, though you’ve believed in religion all your life, perhaps you learned of a different viewpoint while reading a research paper and began questioning the validity of adhering to the religion in which you grew up. The research paper may have been the stimulus that led you to develop your own feelings toward particular values or even the presence of the supernatural.

An average essay would discuss an incident in which you completely disregarded the challenging viewpoint or, on the other end of the spectrum, completely threw away your previous tenet and grasped onto the new idea. Such an essay does not show any meaningful growth or internal re-evaluation. Instead, a great essay would elucidate the internal struggle stemming from confronting a new viewpoint and the difficulties associated with challenging your own beliefs.

As with the first prompt, remember to focus the essay on your response to someone/something’s questioning of your tenant. Using too much of the essay for a description of the conundrum will render it ineffective in answering the latter two parts of the question.

What is the hardest part of being a teenager now? What’s the best part? What advice would you give a younger sibling or friend (assuming they would listen to you)?

This prompt is the wild card. It allows more room for creativity and “fun” writing than any of the other questions. FSU’s goal here is not only to evaluate your ability to reflect on experiences, but also to understand what you value in life.

This essay can be particularly difficult to write well because it requires additional effort to compose an engaging, intriguing, fun, but also appropriate essay. There are universal challenges to being a teenager: arguments with parents; teenage angst; finding one’s place in school, family, and life, etc. It is completely fine to write about “common” obstacles, but you need to be able to differentiate your stories from others.

Humor and style of writing will play large roles in this essay, so we recommend this prompt if you sincerely enjoy creative writing, particularly short stories, novels, and comedies. Keep in mind, however, that the majority of admissions officers reading these essays are going to be in a generation older than you. It is not a bad idea to consider what kinds of teenage experiences would be relatable to them.

Additionally, the essay is asking for the “hardest part” as well as the “best part;” answering both of those separately in 550 words can make both answers short and ineffective. We recommend that you choose one single story that can relate to both of those questions. For example, you could use stories from your part-time job at Dairy Queen to connect the difficulties of adjusting to added responsibility in conjunction with the increased respect you received from your parents.

Submit an essay on a topic of your choice.

This last question is a catch-all.

Do not let your guard down because you can write about anything here. Unless you already have a great essay prepared from answering another school’s prompts, without a prompt here your creative idea may lose focus. Oftentimes, candidates are so engrossed in telling the story that they lose sight of what is really important: selling yourself.

As with the previous essays, you should decide and write down concretely what exactly you want the admissions officers to think about you upon finishing this essay. Build the rest of the essay around how you want them to perceive you, and dedicate more than half of the writing to demonstrating that main point through various anecdotes, not general statements.

We here at CollegeVine wish you the best of luck on your FSU essay!

Want help with your college essays to improve your admissions chances? Sign up for your free CollegeVine account and get access to our essay guides and courses. You can also get your essay peer-reviewed and improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.

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Our application review process is a holistic and selective process, where no single criterion guarantees admission. Our holistic review process is centered on three of our institutional core values— Vires, Artes, Mores .

The first torch, Vires , is strength . Our focus in this area is rigor, grades, and courses taken while in high school. Each applicant is evaluated based upon the performance within the context of the student's academic environment.

Transcripts - GPA - Course Rigor - High School Profile

The second torch, Artes , is skill . We want to see how students use their out-of-classroom time, whether through sports, clubs, organizations, family responsibilities, employment, or other achievements.

Resume - Academic and Non-academic Involvement

The third torch, Mores , is character . We are taking the information students have shared with us to learn who they are, any formative experiences they may have had, and what their life goals may be.

Essay - Resume - High School and Neighborhood Context

Additional consideration will also be given to applicants applying to the CARE Summer Bridge Program, as well as exceptionally talented visual and performing artists and athletes.

Fall 2024 Admitted Student Profile

Academic Core GPA *

Summer 2024 Admitted Student Profile

High school courses.

Our focus in this area is rigor, grades, and courses taken while in high school. Each applicant is evaluated based upon the performance within the context of the student's academic environment and coursework available at their high school.

The Florida Board of Governors sets the minimum eligibility requirements in the State University System (SUS). Satisfying these minimum requirements does not guarantee admission to Florida State University. Admission is selective, and admitted students typically exceed the minimum requirements.

Minimum Courses Required

English (4), Math (4), Natural Science (3), Social Science (3), World Language (2 sequential)

Average Courses Completed

by 2023 Accepted Students

Test Score Information

Requiring a test score for admissions consideration is not an institutional choice. FSU, along with Florida's 11 other public universities, is subject to Florida Board of Governors admissions regulation 6.002 which requires first-year students seeking admission to submit a test score.

When evaluating students for admission, we use the highest earned ACT, CLT and SAT sub scores to calculate the highest ACT, CLT and/or SAT total score (a process known as "super scoring").

In May 2023, the Classic Learning Initiatives, Inc. published The Concordance Relationship Between the Classic Learning Test (CLT) and the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) , establishing a concordance table between the CLT and the SAT.

FSU does not accept self-reported test scores from the Common App. Students should self-report their test scores on the Application Status Check using the Self-reported Test Scores form.

At least one test score must be submitted before the application deadline, but additional tests may be considered if provided by the test score deadline:

How-to: Self-Report Your Test Scores to Florida State University

Essay & Resume

The essay and resume provide another opportunity to learn more about you.

The essay, a required component of the application, should be no longer than 650 words, and may be uploaded after the application has been submitted. Please choose a topic from the list below:

Application Essay Prompts

• Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
• The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
• Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?
• Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?
• Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
• Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?
• Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

The resume should be no longer than two pages, and may be uploaded after the application has been submitted. It should include a list of activities such as (but not limited to) service work, employment, family contributions such as caring for siblings or sick relatives, and extracurricular and summer activities.

Please allow 3-4 business days for us to pull your essay and resume/activities if you submitted your application through the Common App.

Schoolhouse.world certifications

Schoolhouse.world is a free, globally available platform founded by Sal Khan of Khan Academy. Students can show subject mastery and tutor other students in courses including calculus, computer science, and statistics. Applicants to Florida State University can submit Schoolhouse.world certifications as an optional supplement to their application.

While these certifications do not fulfill official requirements like transcripts, they do help us better understand your academic preparedness and fit for Florida State University.

If you have certifications from Schoolhouse.world that you would like to share with us, please send us a copy of your Schoolhouse Portfolio to [email protected] with the subject line, "Schoolhouse.world Portfolio".

Earning both a High School Diploma and an Associate in Arts (AA) degree

A high school student earning both the standard high school diploma and an Associate in Arts (AA) degree through dual enrollment from the Florida College System or the State University System of Florida must apply to FSU as a first-year student. Applicants must adhere to the first-year admission deadlines. In addition, applicants may be subject to additional major deadlines/requirements. Carefully review all major requirements at Academic Program Guide .

Those students who are receiving an AA degree but do not meet the admissions requirements under the Florida Board of Governors Admission Regulation 6.002, may be considered for admission under Florida Board of Governors Admission Regulation 6.005. Students admitted under this regulation are first-time-in-college (FTIC) students although they are not required to submit test scores. However, they should meet the requirements for their selected major as listed in FSU's Academic Program Guide . If admitted, they must submit a $200 enrollment deposit, attend a first-year orientation session, and are eligible to apply for on-campus housing. Admitted students without a test score are not eligible to be considered for first-year merit scholarships from the Office of Admissions. Students considered for admission under FL BOG 6.005 will be required to submit all official college transcript(s) for evaluation prior to an admission offer being made; they must also provide a final official college transcript displaying the A.A. before enrolling at FSU. Any FTIC student admitted under this regulation must immediately notify the Office of Admissions if they will not receive their degree. All first-year students admitted under this regulation who do not receive the Associate in Arts degree will have their offer of admission revoked.

Home Education and GED Information

Florida State University considers applications from students who participated in a Home-Education program, or who have earned a GED. Home-Education applicants must complete the SSAR, while students earning a GED must submit official GED results along with an official, partial high school transcript. In addition, all applicants must submit at least one ACT, CLT and/or SAT test score by the application deadline to be considered for admission. First-Year admission is a holistic and selective process, and no single criterion guarantees admission to our university.

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Florida State University Undergraduate College Application Essays

These Florida State University college application essays were written by students accepted at Florida State University. All of our sample college essays include the question prompt and the year written. Please use these sample admission essays responsibly.

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College Application Essays accepted by Florida State University

Running child anonymous, florida state university.

Although my tale is about a basketball player, it is not about a six-foot-eleven athlete whose name is splashed across the sports pages of daily newspapers and whose picture graces the tops of Nike and Adidas boxes. Rather, this is a story of one...

"Vires, Artes, Mores" Laura Jean Kepko

I am fortunate to be able to say that all of the ideas behind the words “Vires, Artes, Mores” are reflected in my life in some way.

Both of my parents have shown me strength throughout my life. My father developed Endocarditis, a bacterial...

My Life as It Reflects Artes Anonymous

Michelangelo, perhaps the most renowned painter of the Renaissance, once said: “A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.” I interpret this quote to mean that art is created with the intention to convey ideas and express emotions as...

Vires, Artes, Mores Anonymous

My yearning for the highest caliber of learning has taken me to Design and Architecture Senior High; it has been the driving force that wakes me up in the morning to prepare for an eight hour day as well as two hours of travel time, it has defined...

Vires, Artes and Mores Anonymous

“On my honor, I will do my best, to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the scout law; to help other people at all times; to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.” The scout law is how I incorporate Artes,...

My Life Jordan Williams

“Jooooorrrrddddannnnn,” my mom screamed with utter fear and panic in her voice. Surprisingly, amongst all of the chaos, her voice was all that I heard. I’m not sure if I was disoriented, bewildered or just in complete shock but at that particular...

My Taste of Abroad Malak Dounia Mahjoubi

If I ever felt like an outcast, now was the time. Loose brown hair, dark eyes, and olive toned skin, my Middle Eastern features were nothing like those of the other 500 or so passengers. As the plane rapidly reached a halt, the flight attendant...

The Spelling Bee Anonymous

At 9 years old, I thought I would never have to wrap my head around any words more challenging than the one that caused me to come in second place at the county’s spelling bee. Of course, I was a fourth-grader, not a psychic, and just one year...

Growing Up Anonymous

I can’t feel my legs.

That was my first thought when I woke up in a hospital room alone. I saw red when I opened my eyes; maybe it was the memory of my blood splattered on the car ceiling. Or maybe it was the memory of seeing that bright crimson...

Intelligent Life Arese Ediae

When faced with daunting writing tasks--including this one--that call upon me to convey uniqueness and summon eloquence, I have sought the assistance of a higher source: Intelligent Life. They beckoned to me from neon-bordered pages: Leaders whose...

Quietly Fail, Loudly Win Anonymous

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community? At first, I didn’t know how it could be done. Transforming six sheets of white foam board into a ‘Warhol-esque’ abstract version of a...

Why Engineering? Anonymous

Jimi is dead. My cousin has succumbed to the interplay of factors beyond his awareness or control. I am eleven years old. I lie on the hard wooden floor of my bedroom and gaze listlessly out the window. I think of my cousin's killer. Why did a...

Community Service Essay Anonymous

Sarah - with her floral, lilac shirts, bluish, clairvoyant gaze and bass-y Southern accent - is a remarkable woman. I met her whilst serving in the Chelsea House Ministry, several years after she was rehabilitated by the program. Inspired by the...

Life Lessons from Photography Anonymous

My brother stands frozen in time, trapped in eternal wonderment as the gray horse sculpture rears above his head. An open-air church service is being held behind him, underneath the shade of another great, restless beast. A preacher dressed in a...

Master of Answers Anonymous

My dad taught me my first science lesson. He knew it did not have to start at school, but rather the minute a mind starts asking questions. That is what science has always consisted of—a curiosity forming into a question and a question being...

Eye of the Storm Anonymous

Danger looms in this idyllic, Floridian community and I, the stranger, am alert to the seamless transitions. The carbon texture of the hardening skies, the desertion of once bustling streets, the tentative schedules that allow room for imminent...

Arcadia Anonymous

I spent much of my adolescence in Arcadia; a world illumined by artificial suns. There, people eschewed costly 'real' clothing for digitally enhanced 'shifts', government propaganda was broadcast hourly onto illusionary blue skies, and one could...

The Voice of Justice Anonymous

A string of jumbled and complex gibberish filled the air as a small group of kids gathered by the swings, rambunctiously joking with one another. I stood on the outskirts of the group, feebly looking from one face to the next, feigning a smile and...

Design in Chaos Anonymous

Here, a door; pale and pink. Two boarded windows painted blue to reflect a cloudless day. Here, the field will be perpetually filled with fragrant blooms because that is how we imagine it. I feel eerily calm as I guide little Grace's hand within...

Something Wonderful Isabella Escalona

Crouched behind my yellow closet door, hearing glass shatter and walls banged, I kept hoping that something wonderful was about to happen. My parents were arguing over my father locking me in my room again. Whenever my mom was not home, he would...

The Music in My Hands Aramis Gabriel Fernandez

For as long as I can remember, my mother has been a singer in my church. I would tag along with her each week to watch the worship band rehearse, and I can recall just sitting there, absorbing the music, with my eyes always fixed on the drum set....

Learning to Adapt Isabella Escalona

I had spent the whole morning preparing to execute an Olympic worthy backflip into my aunt’s community pool. It was the summer before 6th grade; I stood at the edge, took one deep breath, and launched myself into the air. I imagined the intense...

Quiet Anonymous

"Why are you so quiet?"

"Do you speak?"

Those few words would make the color of my pale cheeks turn to the brightest shade of red because they always sounded so judgemental. To many, it's only a simple question. Steaming curiosity formed from the...

Recent Questions about Florida State University

The Question and Answer section for Florida State University is a great resource to ask questions, find answers, and discuss the novel.

How does the author use figurative language to establish a tone of wonder in the first two paragraphs of the essay? Provide specific examples and explain how they provide the reader with a unique sense of the desert?

Lmfao boy you better do Mr. Masselle work before you take that L.

republic book x

I have never taken your class so I do not know what you discussed. For what its worth, "D" might be a good choice.

Socrates felt that poetry encourages us to indulge in the emotional frailties of life and thus makes us unjust. At its worst, I imagine Socrates might have picked E. I'm not an experts on this though.

Florida State University

FSU | Writing Resources

Writing Resources

The English Department

• College Composition

Transitions

Out of sequence: organization and transition exercise.

• “AC/DC? No, AB/BC!”Out of Sequence: Organization and Transition Exercise

Picturing Transitions: Narrating Scene Shifts

Looking for connections between ideas, don’t take this exercise for granted: transitions.

• Puzzle Pieces: Effective Transitions 

Purpose:  This activity challenges students to order paragraphs logically and create smooth transition sentences, teaching them to effectively organize their ideas and effectively transition from one idea to the next.

Description : This exercise asks students to reorder paragraphs and construct transitions using the essay  “Tied Together by Haunting”  by Teri Bruno, which can be found in  Our Own Words: A Students Guide to First Year Composition .

Suggested Time : 30 minutes

Procedure: 

• Provide each student with a copy of Bruno’s essay out of sequence (copied below). In a computer classroom, this may be done digitally.
• Instruct the students to a) read the essay, b) evaluate its overall organization and renumber its paragraphs accordingly, and c) support this re-organization by writing transitional sentences. Tell students to continue one paragraph where another ends, highlighting key ideas, phrases and words from the previous paragraph in order to create a logical progression. Note: Obviously the introduction paragraph (once it has been identified) will not need a transition.
• Give the students ample time to complete the exercise. Walk around and answer questions if necessary.
• After students have finished, have them volunteer to share their results with the class via projector or doc cam. Compare/contrast results with original out-of-sequence essay. Discuss what changes were made and why.

“Tied Together by Haunting” by Teri Bruno

Paragraph 1,  but should be Paragraph ___

While first person perspective is very common in stories because it allows the author to step into the role of one character and give the readers intimate details, the point of view in “Lucky Chow Fun” is essential to lead the readers into the mind and thoughts of the main character, a round and unattractive teenage girl named Lollie. The readers can see the small town of Templeton through Lollie's eyes, and this especially important when the town is hit by a huge event, the discovery that the local restaurant called Lucky Chow Fun was a secretive whorehouse. When Lollie was in the parking lot of the restaurant one night before the event, she almost knocked into one of the many Chinese girls who worked there, simply mumbling and stepping away, not really looking at the girl she had almost trampled because “nobody in Templeton cared to figure out who the girls were” (8). Yet Lollie vividly describes the girls, saying the girls were like “ghosts in white uniforms chopping things, frying things, talking quietly to one another” (9). When she hears on the news the next day that one of the girls died, and this lead to the discovery of the whorehouse, Lollie is shocked and we see the impact that the tragedy has not only on her, but on the town. Her mother’s boyfriend had apparently been one of the names on the list to visit Lucky Chow Fun, and numbers of wives discovered their husbands’ unfaithfulness, leading to a scandal in the town and casting the Chinese girls as the enemies. Though Lollie admits that she forgot about the poor Lucky Chow Fun girls, years later she dreams about “the seven ghosts” and imagines the terrible events that they had to endure. It is important that Groff uses Lollie’s perspective in this story, the perspective of a girl the same age as the girls who were discovered to have been taken from their homes in China and placed into a whorehouse. In this way, the first person perspective serves to take the readers on the journey of a coming-of-age event that greatly impacts Lollie.

Paragraph 2,  but should be Paragraph ___  

Although second person narration is rare, it is absolutely vital to the story called “Watershed.” Often times, authors may limit their use of this point of view because it is an intimate perspective in which the story tells the reader what to think and feel. Yet this is Groff’s goal in this particular story. Celie, the narrator, recounts the details of her marriage to a specified “you,” who readers discover is her husband. With her profession in the story being a storyteller, it is fitting that Groff chose to use this point of view. As the story continues, Celie reveals that her husband is dead. After Celie starts an argument about how she hates the town and all the people in it, her husband leaves in a rain storm and ends up hydroplaning and crashing his truck into a tree which sticks a branch through his chest. He dies later in the hospital from Hydrocephalus. Groff’s use of the second person point of view turns the reader into the character of the dead husband, which is who Celie is ultimately addressing. She is retelling the tale to him, almost as if by his bedside, hoping he will wake up. Celie asks whether she imagined, “the tightening of your thumb on my palm” (Groff 186). It helps the reader understand Celie’s grief about the loss of her husband and the guilt that she feels. However, when Celie reveals later that “I see you now just leaving rooms I am in,” the reader can see that she is still haunted by the incident (188). By using this perspective, Groff allows the readers to fully grasp the vulnerable and stricken state of Celie, who is intimately recounting their relationship to her dead husband.

Paragraph 3,  but should be Paragraph ___

Overall, however, the reader wonders why Groff might have chosen birds as a major theme throughout her collection. As Connie Ogle states in the Miami Herald, “the women in Lauren Groff’s debut story collection exist in varying stages of unrest” (Ogle 1). These women are emotionally trapped and are struggling to break free and fly. Groff uses the birds to convey the point that all women go through experiences in which they must learn lessons and try to overcome challenges given to them.

Paragraph 4,  but should be Paragraph ___

Throughout the story, water appears in many of the scenes. “Watershed” starts off with a diver telling a couple a story about how he once went down with a diving buddy, and upon realizing that his partner was falling down into an abyss, the diver saved him because he had never felt a purer love for a human being. Later in the story, however, when the woman is at the funeral for her husband, the diver approaches the woman again and retells the tale. The diver actually doesn’t save the man and just lets him go while he floated in the water suspended alone. In both occurrences, the diver’s story is parallel to the state of the couple. When they were together and in love, the diver saved the man. When the woman was left alone by the tragic death of her husband, the diver too had stood alone. However, as Claire Hopley states in the Washington Post, “his reminders of the people that may never have emerged from its depths are eerie and alarming” (Hopley 1). The revision to the diver’s story is a turning point for Celie. He says that the love was all true, but only after he couldn’t see him anymore, when he was “just staring down into that trench, just suspended there alone” (Groff 190). With the loss of her husband, Celie is alone as well, and the diver’s story is tied to hers not only in the deaths due to water, but also in their realization of the love they have for the people they lost. Groff uses water because of its unruly nature, and it parallels the major and unforeseen events that occur in Celie’s life. John Marshall, a book critic who wrote for the Seattle Post, describes Groff’s thematic specialty as “where her perceptive vision is focused - turns out to be turning-point moments, often for women characters - turning-point moments sometimes not recognized as that until it is too late” (Marshall 1).

Paragraph 5,  but should be Paragraph ___

Despite Groff’s varying perspectives on stories and use of themes to help convey her messages, there is one story in particular that weakens her collection. “Fugue” is a story that is very complex and takes time coming together. Groff presents three different sub-stories and then attempts to tie them all together at the end. To the reader, the story stretches out a bit too long, and the readers are in a circle of sub-stories, wondering what the point is. As John Marshall states, “ Groff’s arching ambition for the story results in too many details withheld in hopes of adding mystery, too many characters and their too complex personal stories, too much confusing artifice” (Marshall 1).

Paragraph 6,  but should be Paragraph ___

In the small town that the couple lives, it rains constantly. The husband dies because he hydroplaned while driving in his truck and a tree branch smashed through his chest. Ultimately, though, he dies of Hydrocephalus, otherwise known as “water in the brain.” When the woman is driving home during one of her college years, she hears on the radio that an old couple died by jumping into the Niagara Falls together. These themes of water tie into the concluding paragraph and the point of Groff’s story, that “there is no ending, no neatness in this story. There never really is, where water is concerned” (Groff 192). This ending is not necessarily described as a happy one in which the conflict is resolved with a simple solution or the conflict was simply an illusion or a dream. But it is satisfying in the sense that the readers can relate to how Celie has changed and is coping with the unfortunate events that have occurred in her life.

Paragraph 7,  but should be Paragraph ___

In “Watershed,” for example, when Celie’s husband says that he wants to build her a house before they get married, he states that “every bird needs her nest” (171). It is this sentence in particular that casts fear and doubt in Celie. As she looks back on this incident as she tells the story, she says that it was her fault she didn’t say what she should have, that she “wasn’t the bird type, or maybe the nest type” (172). It is clear from Celie’s thoughts that she fears being constrained and that she is different from the typical flock of birds. Instead, Celie tends to stray from the flock of birds that is the traditional small town in which she now lives with her new husband.

Paragraph 8,  but should be Paragraph ___

In “Delicate Edible Birds,” we also see the character of Bern struggle when she is presented with a delicacy of a tiny bird while eating dinner with her lover, the Mayor of Philadelphia, in France. While everyone else veiled their faces with napkins as they ate the birds, Bern wrapped the bird in a napkin and later dropped the carcass from the hotel balcony, “setting it free, she thought, though it dropped like a lead weight to the ground for some prowling beast to eat” (Groff 288). This occurrence is important because it helps the readers later understand why Bern, who is notorious for having affairs and sleeping with lots of men, refuses to have sex with the Fascist man who is keeping them hostage and will let everyone free if she complies. She too wants to be free, and holds to her choice of not having sex with their captive. Yet as the time nears when the Nazis might come and find them, the men start to urge Bern to comply with the man’s wishes. Bern is the bird, trying to set herself free, but who gets dropped to the ground like the lead weight and has sex with the prowling beast.

Paragraph 9,  but should be Paragraph ___

Groff uses the third person omniscient perspective, another fairly rare point of view because the author can give the readers access into any characters’ thoughts and feelings. Though the majority of the story is in the perspective of the woman character, Bern, occasionally the story flips into the perspective of one of the four men. Groff puts us in the mind of all the four men at one point or another in the story. She does this for one reason in particular, which is so the readers can understand the various perspectives on the conflict with Bern. The five characters in the story, four men and one woman, are all journalists, with the exception of one who is a photographer. Set during World War II, the group is following news of the war, and their car breaks down just outside of Paris in front of a fascist man’s house, who demands that Bern have sex with him. When Bern refuses to have sex with him, the fascists man holds them hostage but will let everyone go if she complies. At first, all the men seem to understand. However, as the time draws nearer to when the Nazis will possibly come for them, Groff allows us into their minds and we understand why they start to change their perspective on Bern having sex with the man. While at first the men claimed that “nothing of the sort can happen, of course” and that there was “no question...for the principle of the thing” the men all have different reasons for wanting to be free from the threat of the oncoming Nazis (285). Parnell has a family back home in England, and Lucci has a wife who has disappeared, yet he still wants to live in hopes that she is alive. The men slowly start to believe that Bern, who is notorious for sleeping with numbers of men, should “just do it and get it over with” and when all of them turn their backs on her, she complies, crushed and confused as to what has changed their minds (286). Despite this all-knowing perspective, Groff only goes into the minds of others on a need-to-know basis. As Carolyn See states in a piece on point of view, an author should only go into a character’s mind “if they absolutely need to think or feel something…otherwise, let them alone” (See 151). Without the use of this all-knowing perspective, the readers wouldn’t have the insight into the men’s minds to understand their desperation and reasons why they eventually disregard Bern and all quietly agree that she needs to comply.

Paragraph 10,  but should be Paragraph ___

Birds also serve as an important theme in “Lucky Chow Fun.” Lollie’s younger sister, Pot, collects taxidermied birds that are scattered around her bedroom. However, Lollie avoids her room as much as possible because she had “one particular gyrfalcon perched on her dresser that seemed malicious, if not downright evil, ready to scratch at your jugular if you were to saunter innocently by” (3). Though the birds are an escape for Pot, they serve to parallel the girls who work at the whorehouse. Groff does not use real birds, but instead decides that Pot will have a collection of stuffed birds who sit on shelves, quiet, fake, and dead on the inside. In a similar way, Lollie describes the girls at Lucky Chow Fun as ghosts, yet they more so resemble the birds. The girls were always quiet, only speaking softly to each other, and though they were alive, they weren’t really living. Lollie later describes the girls as “wordless, as always” (39). Lollie’s reaction to the birds mirrors the girls. She tends to avoid them. On the outside, they resembled people, like the taxidermied birds resembled live birds, however on the inside, they too were stuffed and mind as well have been sitting on Pot’s shelf.

Paragraph 11,  but should be Paragraph ___

In many of the endings, the reader can infer from the various point of views that the characters will still be struggling. In “Watershed,” for example, the last few paragraphs no longer address Celie’s husband but instead focus on her coming to terms with his death. Celie’s husband is still dead, and she must come to the harsh reality that there are things in life that are out of her control. Groff shies away from taking the easy way out in her stories, and prefers to end the stories more realistically. In an ideal world, Bern probably would have held to her morals and not have slept with the Fascist, while Lucky Chow Fun wouldn’t have turned the small town of Templeton into a mass of scandal that broke families apart. However, Groff paints realistic characters by making them not always take the right path, by questioning their morals, and by not coming to a complete realization of who they are. In this way, Groff pulls empathy from her readers, and portrays situations and decisions that people can relate to. Lauren Groff best sums up her idea of happy endings in her first story, “Lucky Chow Fun”: and it is a happy ending, perhaps, in the way that myths and fairy tales have happy endings; only if one forgets the bloody, dark middles, the fifty dismembered girls in the vat, the parents who sent their children into the woods with only a crust of bread. I like to think it’s a happy ending, though it is the middle that haunts me (Groff 39). And though our own personal stories and lives have middles that are haunting, they are the very strings that Groff uses to tie our experiences to her stories, giving us reassurance that we are not alone in our challenges.

Paragraph 12,  but should be Paragraph ___  

Ever since I was young, whenever I cracked open a book or sat in front of the television watching a movie, I always wished for a happy ending. Anxiously, I would sit squeezing my fingers together, hoping the prince would save the princess, the animals would find their way back home, and the hero would conquer the villain. However, happy endings are rarely realistic and hardly convey the true resolutions to life’s messy conflicts. In Lauren Groff’s  Delicate Edible Birds , the author employs several methods of delivering perspective, while threading a constant theme throughout her stories in order to evoke empathy in the readers without simply supplying a happy ending. ­­­­­

Works Cited

Groff, Lauren. Delicate Edible Birds. New York: Hyperion, 2009.

Hopley, Claire. "Tales of Tough Women." 22 Feb. 2009. LexisNexis. 10 Nov. 2009.

Marshall, John. "Short Story Collection's Dazzling Variety Spans Decades and Continents." 02 Feb. 2009. LexisNexis. 10 Nov. 2009.

Ogle, Connie. "Female Characters Discover Hardships and Joys of Life." 01 Feb. 2009. LexisNexis. 10 Nov. 2009 .

See, Carolyn. Making a Literary Life. New York: Random House, 2002. Print.

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“ac/dc no, ab/bc” arrangement for transition and emphasis.

Purpose:   This brief editorial exercise shows students how transitions are created through arrangement and how arrangement can be used to emphasize points. Since this exercise is based on arranging pieces, its best used when pieces are available—a paper’s paragraphs, a paragraph’s sentences, or even audio tracks. Students will practice arranging those pieces, “bonding” them to create transitions and emphasis. Completing this exercise provides practice with close-editing skills and teaches students to attend to arrangement.

Description:  This exercise requires, at minimum, paper and pencil for the student and a chalkboard for the instructor. Students will either bring a brief writing sample to class or write a short piece when class begins. The instructor will then explain the idea of “bonding” two units of text (paragraphs, sentences, etc.) by overlapping the content located in one’s ending and the other’s beginning. Students will then practice this concept by rearranging their writing sample in a similar manner.

Suggested Time:

• 40 minutes (if sample is provided by instructor or is brought to class by students)
• 50 minutes (if writing sample is written in class)
• Two 20-minute periods over two days if the revision section is assigned as homework
• Either assign students to bring a sample to class or begin class by having them write a short piece—minimum of 2 paragraphs with a total of at least 10 sentences. This minimum is necessary for students to practice arrangement of sentences as well as arrangement of paragraphs in a single session.
• The instructor will explain the concept of “AB/BC” organization: Each sentence has two parts: the beginning content (A) and the end content (B). Like notation for a poem’s rhyme schemes, new content can be labeled with a new letter (A is B. C is not D.) with repeated content using the same letter (A is B. B is not C). To create emphasis and clear transition between the first sentence (1) and its following sentence (2), there should be some overlap and repeats in the content that ends the first sentence and begins the second. For example, in the following sample section the words “sentence” and “focus” repeat, emphasizing those words while at the same time creating transitions between the sentences:  The strongest part of a paragraph (1A) is at the end of the paragraph’s first sentence (1B). That sentence (2B) will set up the paragraphs' focus (2C). Focus (3C) is especially important when...
• To visual this point, the instructor may show the students a short video clip and discuss how directors will often use the same cues when making large leaps. For example, towards the end of  Cast Away , Tom Hank’s character (1A) lays on his raft while a ship passes before him. He cries out his love’s name: “Lilly!” (1B) and the audience hears the ship’s rhythmic siren (1C). The scene then cuts to a kitchen, Close up on a phone. It’s ringing with a rhythm and pitch similar to the siren’s (1C). The camera pans back. There’s Lilly (1B). She answers the phone.
• After the lecture on AB/BC arrangement, the students should be given 15 minutes to rearrange their writing sample’s sentences, rewriting sentences if necessary. After that, 5 minutes should be spent on rearranging the writing sample’s paragraphs, revising the beginning and ending sentences as necessary.
• For the last 10 minutes of class, the instructor should lead a discussion in which the students discuss their challenges with the exercise. They should also share samples of their rearranged sentences, reading both the original and the revision.
• Alternately, the instructor can collect the original and its revision and compile a selection of samples to show the class at the start of the next session. This way the instructor can use the assignment as a transition to the next class, practicing the lesson upon the framework of the class itself. Like showing the video, this draws attention to how many types of compositions, not just paragraphs and sentences, can be arranged with an awareness of overlapping beginnings and endings.

Additional Information:  The core exercise can be done in one 50 minute session: 10 minutes to write a brief piece; 10 minutes to establish the concept of AB/BC bonding; 15 minutes to rearrange the writing sample’s sentences; 5 minutes to rearrange the writing sample’s paragraphs, and 10 minutes of discussion. Alternately, if a 5-minute video is incorporated in the lecture portion of class, 5 minutes may be removed from the discussion portion.

Media-based and Peer-Review-based Variables:  This exercise can be incorporated into peer review sessions. (“Rearrange the sentences/paragraphs in your peer’s paper to create emphasis and/or transitions where needed.”) If using media such as audio files, rearrangement may take be assigned as homework. (“Rearrange these 5 music tracks to make a mix, paying attention to arrangement and how the songs transition. Write one double-spaced page that defines the playlist and explains the reasoning behind your chosen arrangement.”)

Purpose:   This activity will help students create effective transitions between paragraphs and topics in their writing. It should also get them to think about how transitions help to guide the reader through their work.

Description:  This activity forces students to think outside of the box and consider the function of transitions in their writing.

Suggested Time:  40-60 minutes

Procedure:  Divide your class into groups of 4-5 and bring in enough magazines for each group to have at least two (check the magazine racks around campus if you need extra copies). Also, bring in scissors so that they can cut pictures from the magazines.

This is a four part collaborative exercise: 1) cutting images out, 2) writing descriptions, 3) creating transitions, 4) sharing and discussing the work.

Explain that they will be working on developing effective transitions by connecting different scenes that possess no direct relationship with one another. They will cut out pictures from a magazine, generate short descriptions of the scenes, and then link them with one another by constructing effective conclusions and introductions that weave the scenes together. However, instead of one group doing all three processes, groups will pass the work they do for one part of the assignment to a neighboring group so that a different group is engaged in each phase of the process. The fact that other groups will be completing the work should encourage students to come up with out of the box images and/or descriptions, fueling creativity and a sense of competition. Inform them that what they create will be shared with their peers.

• Have students cut out four pictures. Tell them to try and find the most unrelated, crazy images possible (10 minutes). Note: Reduce the images to three if you are under significant time constraints.
• Have them pass their images to the right and then ask each group to create a short narrative of the scene (what is going on, etc.). However, also ask them to take a specific, unified rhetorical approach. For example, they might take a narrative approach and write from a single character's perspective or write from a specific analytical perspective and treat it like a research paper or expository piece (e.g. famous vacation spots or best spots around town). Tell them not to spend too much time on writing for one image and to write only three-four sentences for each. (10-15 minutes)
• Have them pass the images and descriptions to the right and ask each group to create introductory and conclusion sentences that weave together each scene. Be sure to tell them not to become too clichéd in their process and to avoid redundancy (e.g. simply writing next I went to the mall and now I'm at the mall when someone is traveling from a beach scene is not acceptable). Encourage creativity and critical writing. (10-15 minutes)
• Share what students have written. Everyone should enjoy seeing how the scenes they picked out were described and how their descriptions were linked to each other. After each reading, discuss what was strong and weak about each piece (in a constructive, positive manner, of course). If necessary, this last part can be delayed until the following class, giving you time to look over the responses. (10-20 Minutes)

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Purpose:  This exercise aims to teach students how to construct effective transitions in their writing and look for connections between ideas where a natural link might not be obvious.

Description:  Transitions asks students to link unrelated ideas and discovery new and creative ways of tying together concepts in their writings.

Suggested Time:  About 20 minutes

• Tell them to divide a sheet of paper in half, making two columns. In the left column, have them list what they like about Tallahassee. In the right column, what they dislike. Give them time to make a fairly decent sized list, at least seven or eight in each column. I write my own list on the board.
• Have them randomly circle two ideas in the like column, then two ideas in the dislike column.
• Have them number these four ideas, starting with a like, then a dislike, then back to a like again. e.g. 1) rainbows 2) bloody noses 3) warm soup 4) pop quizzes
• Now begin a discussion about transitions. Ask them if they understand what teachers mean by rough transitions. I explain that the difficulty often arises in people's inability to see the connections between ideas, and one way to get better at that is to practice looking for those connections between ideas which don't seem naturally related.
• Tell them to write, to move from subject one to two to three to four. I explain that a bad transition is one which just jumps suddenly from one idea to another with no idea logically connecting the two. It will probably also be beneficial to explain that good transitions also do not stray too far from the main idea of the writing (i.e. don't just ramble).
• (optional) When they have worked on this for a while, have some people read their pieces out loud. The first people done will probably be the ramblers. Discuss what could be done to tie all of their ideas together.

Purpose:  This exercise encourages students to explore ways of employing effective detail-driven transitions within their writing. By finding common threads, they’ll be able to unify ideas within their papers.

Description:  Students will work to combine significant events, people, or beliefs with effective transitions. This can either be done in groups or individually, depending on how much time you would like to spend. Both ways can benefit from reading Meagan C. Arrastia's "The One I Took for Granted” (2004-2005 McCrimmon Award Winner).

Suggested Time:  For both methods, about 35-40 minutes will suffice.

For Group Paper:

 1. Divide the class into groups of three or four and have them brainstorm on common  themes in their life (ex: "overcoming adversity," "growing pains,"  "influential people," "trips," "beliefs," etc).  2. The students will then list as many important moments or ideas that have defined their lives and that they feel circle around this common theme.  3. The groups will select one event from each member’s list, based on which event sounds the most interesting and that they'd all like to hear more about. It doesn't matter how disparate the events or moments are. As a matter of fact, students should be encouraged to choose events that don't tie together in obvious ways to make their group paper more interesting.  4. Each group member will then freewrite on his or her topic. After 10 minutes,  group members will come back together and share what they have written and try  to figure out how they can string the story together. Ideally, they will work  out ways to transition between the snapshots of the lives of different group  members in an engaging way.

For Individual Paper:  1. Students are asked to choose "a significant person," "a significant  event," and "a significant belief," and list them on a clean sheet of paper. Below each "significant" header, students choose and list three scenes or incidents that are especially vivid about that person, event, or belief. They are encouraged to choose scenes that are far apart in  time and place and perhaps don't seem to connect in obvious ways.  2. Students then trade their paper with classmates; at least six or seven other people. Each classmate votes for which topic sounds the most interesting, based on the "scenes" listed. With that many opinions, they can see where the reader's interests lie.  3. When students get their sheets back, they are tied to the topic that received  the most "reader votes." For each scene in that topic, they start listing the personal emotions they felt, the adjectives that describe the person, event, or belief as well as their state of mind. The goal is to keep them from tying their paper together in a simple chronological way, and to order it ideationally. Hopefully, they find that in many of these scenes they were in a similar state  of mind.  4. Have students begin freewriting one of the scenes, and as soon as they find themselves expounding on one of the adjectives or emotions that help tie the scene together, they’ll jump to the next scene (they can always come back later to flesh out the scene fully, but they have the ever-important and ever-missing from freshman writing – transition). They do this until they've tied together all their scenes, and they have the bare bones of a personal experience paper.

Additional Information:  For other ways of "making connections," students could also look at Becky Godlasky's essay "Using Metaphor to Make Connections," which is in The Inkwell. Also look at the Raymond Carver's poem "Sunday Night," in Bishop's  On Writing . (As Bishop writes, "what small, overlooked elements might loom large in your composition?" In other words, how can find unique connections in the minute details of your stories?)

Puzzle Pieces: Effective Transitions

Purpose:  This activity should help students identify effective and creative transitions in the essay by restructuring the final draft. It should also show them how to allow the connecting ideas to serve as the transition in an essay vs. only using one-word transitions. Use with “Adaptations, Limitations, and Imitations,” OOW 2006-2007.

Description:  The author of “Adaptations, Limitations, and Imitations” wrote in a process memo that he/she initially encountered difficulty trying to organize the paper logically, but the final draft was structured beautifully. By cutting up this essay into individual paragraphs, students are forced to seek out connecting ideas as they try to organize the essay in a logical way. Students also see how different organizational structures can significantly change an essay.

Suggested Time:  30-40 minutes

 1. Before class, make five copies of the essay and cut them up, separating the different paragraphs. (Numbering the paragraphs out of order may help in discussion).  2. Divide the class into no more than five groups, with 4-5 students in each group. Give each group one dismantled essay and ask them to put the pieces together in “logical” order. This may take up to 20 minutes.  3. Students should discuss amongst themselves (1) the essay’s progression, (2) what the transitions are, and (3) the lack of “obvious” conclusion (In brief, In Conclusion).  4. As a class, ask students how they organized the essay and why. (This is where the prior numbering would come in handy. For example, the group would be able to easily say “We think paragraph D goes first, etc). Ask them to identify the connecting ideas for each paragraph of the essay (i.e. the second paragraph connects to the introduction because it continues the anecdote about the writer’s sophomore year of high school). If the different groups disagree about where the paragraphs go, ask them to explain why they think.

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FSU’s Admissions Director explains the college essay

If your student is a rising high school senior, now is the perfect time to start working on that college essay. Many students find the essay challenging because it’s not the academic exercise they’re accustomed to. To do it well, they must discover an authentic, personal voice—and that can feel quite vulnerable.

Hege Ferguson, Director of Admissions of Florida State University, says she never loses sight of that.

“Behind every application, there is a young person who put their time and effort into sharing a part of themselves,” she said. “We have a responsibility to treat each one of their applications with much respect and humility and recognition that that is not an easy thing to do.”

“The most important thing is the academic performance of the student from 9th through 11th grade: the courses they took, the rigor, the grades they earned; the AP, honors, dual enrollment classes,” she said, adding that admissions officers will check that the rigor continues with senior year classes. “What subjects did the student immerse themselves into?”

Admissions officers also look at test scores (the ACT or SAT) and extracurriculars throughout high school, as well as employment (including its duration), internships, summer jobs and responsibilities at home.

“The value of the essay will depend on all of these other factors,” she said. “So if you have an outstanding student with high grades, rigorous curriculum, leadership, etc., there’s not a lot of emphasis on the essay because they have a lot of those factors that are indicators of good success in college.”

The essay does not matter much for the top 25 percent of applicants or the bottom 25 percent, she said. That middle 50 percent is where the essay ends up having the most weight.

“The essay is an opportunity to learn about the student beyond what we can already see on the transcript and test scores and extracurriculars. It lets them lend their voice to who they are,” she said, adding that sometimes a parent or student who is not accepted will call her office to ask why. “They will say, ‘But you don’t know me.’ And I say, ‘What did you share about yourself? Did you share what you wanted us to know about you?’ ”

Ferguson painted a picture of how a student could maximize their essay’s impact. A student whose transition to high school is rough—with a 9th grade GPA reflecting that—could use the essay to talk about that difficult transition and how they overcame it.

Want more advice about the essay? Lance Bergman, a college resource adviser at Pine View School in Sarasota, shares his tips here . Good luck!

“Last year, a young man was on the bubble, with a few wobbles with his academic grades, so I dove into his essay,” she said. “And I learned that he was homeless. He was living out of his car and sleeping on friends’ couches. He had a really traumatic home situation. For him to, one, share that, took a lot of courage. But it also put a lot of perspective on what I was seeing. And then you look at his curriculum and you marvel with what he was able to accomplish.”

Ferguson also shared some basic pointers.

• Yes, good grammar and punctuation matter, because students will do a lot of writing in college and she needs to believe they will be up for that rigor.
• Start the application process early, and follow all directions closely.
• Because email is the primary method of communication, consider getting an email address just for college applications, and be meticulously organized about each college’s requirements and deadlines.
• Finally, if you’re applying to multiple colleges (and you probably are), be sure to swap out names for the proper institution.

“That sounds so simple, but every year I get essays that have that another school’s name in there,” she said. “What it says to me is that you didn’t take the time to look over the information before you hit that send button, so maybe I’m feeling like I’m not as high on your list as I would like to be.”

Contrary to what many think, Ferguson said her focus is on trying to admit students. She also wants to admit a student body that reflects the state and its diversity. Last year, she received close to 64,000 applications for an admission class of about 6,000.

“I have the opportunity every year to read applications from these fantastic students who are just resilient, forward thinking, innovative – they’re just a really cool group of people,” she said.

“I get to see the world through their eyes and feel blessed to be part of their journey.”

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Ultimate Guide to Writing Your College Essay

Tips for writing an effective college essay.

College admissions essays are an important part of your college application and gives you the chance to show colleges and universities your character and experiences. This guide will give you tips to write an effective college essay.

Want free help with your college essay?

UPchieve connects you with knowledgeable and friendly college advisors—online, 24/7, and completely free. Get 1:1 help brainstorming topics, outlining your essay, revising a draft, or editing grammar.

Writing a strong college admissions essay

Learn about the elements of a solid admissions essay.

Avoiding common admissions essay mistakes

Learn some of the most common mistakes made on college essays

Brainstorming tips for your college essay

Stuck on what to write your college essay about? Here are some exercises to help you get started.

How formal should the tone of your college essay be?

Learn how formal your college essay should be and get tips on how to bring out your natural voice.

Taking your college essay to the next level

Hear an admissions expert discuss the appropriate level of depth necessary in your college essay.

Student Stories

Student Story: Admissions essay about a formative experience

Get the perspective of a current college student on how he approached the admissions essay.

Student Story: Admissions essay about personal identity

Get the perspective of a current college student on how she approached the admissions essay.

Student Story: Admissions essay about community impact

Student story: admissions essay about a past mistake, how to write a college application essay, tips for writing an effective application essay, sample college essay 1 with feedback, sample college essay 2 with feedback.

This content is licensed by Khan Academy and is available for free at www.khanacademy.org.

Florida State University

FSU | University Honors Program

University Honors Program

Division of Undergraduate Studies

High School Students

The FSU and University Honors Program/Presidential Scholars Program applications are currently closed. 

To apply to the Florida State University Honors Program and the Presidential Scholars Program, potential students must complete following steps:

1. APPLY TO FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY

To be considered for the University Honors Program and the Presidential Scholars Program, first-year applicants must first submit a complete application to Florida State University (including all required materials) by December 1, 2023, and select "Yes" to the question “Are you interested in applying to the Honors Program?”

• When applying through the FSU Application, this question is located on the Additional Academic History page.
• When applying through the Common App, this question is located under Academics in the Questions section.

Once the university application has been submitted, please allow some time for the University Honors Application to become available on the Application Status Check. For students applying through the Common App, this may take up to 48 hours.

Note: The application essay for the  Presidential Scholars Program  is the same as the University Honors Program application essay.

2. COMPLETE THE HONORS PROGRAM APPLICATION ESSAY

Students must indicate their interest in and complete their supplemental University Honors Program application essay by 11:59 pm EST on December 1, 2023, to be considered for the University Honors Program and the Presidential Scholars Program.

The University Honors Program Application asks applicants to submit a supplemental short answer response to the following prompt:

FSU’s Honors Signature Courses encourage curiosity; intellectual breadth; the ability to analyze and integrate knowledge across disciplines; and self-driven learning. Design an Honors Signature Course that includes these characteristics while addressing a societal problem or complex issue. Name the course, describe the societal issue, and explain why it is important to you or your community. How would you engage with this issue as an honors student on our campus and beyond?

Applicants will be evaluated based on a holistic approach including, but not limited to, grades and strength of curriculum, honors and awards, extracurricular achievements, unique individual talents, quality of the Honors prompt response, and test scores.

Applicants will be notified of whether they were admitted to the University Honors Program on February 15, 2024.   

Choose Your Test

Sat / act prep online guides and tips, 177 college essay examples for 11 schools + expert analysis.

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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College Admissions: Florida State University (FSU) Essay

I am a Senior at West Mecklenburg High School with the desire and the goal of attending your institution in the fall. I have applied, submitted my application fees and my test scores. My test scores were not the highest to meet the minimum requirements for your school but holistically, I am a good student. Hopefully, this letter will provide you with an account of the student that I am along with what was already provided through the application process.

Throughout my high school journey I have experienced highs and lows. Overall I am a good student, Currently, my GPA is a 3.2 and on average my grades are a B average. I complete all my assignments all the time & I show up to class every day prepared and ready to learn. With balancing school and also having a part-time job shows that I am able to balance and maintain focus.

Although I struggle with the standardized test (SAT and ACT), I believe that the anxiety testing brings causes me to not score according to my liking. My score does not provide an adequate testament and analysis of me as a student. My current predicament stands as me being unavailable to retest due to the dates of the test being so far away. The next available test would be in May after the decision day. My super score was an 820 which is not the minimum but it does not define me as a person or a student.

If given the opportunity I will excel in any capacity provided the correct aids are utilized to allow me the chance to prove me the chance to explore. Not only an I good academically I am involved in college prep programs such as TRIO & Communities In Schools, Prom Committee, Student Government & FCCLA.

I hope that this letter has painted a vivid picture of a leader and a worthy candidate for your institution. One who is responsible, committed and determined to succeed in education and in all aspects of my higher level of education and in general.

I look forward to hearing from you as a primary consideration for admission. Based on my research, FSU has an exquisite program in the Carolinas for Criminal Justice and I want to be apart of the best.

Sincerely, Briana M. Griffin Class of 2018 Aspiring Undergraduate Class of 2022

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Creative Materials

Your resume is a document that highlights your education, creative endeavors, activities, travel, employment, and service work as they apply to your aspirations as a filmmaker (no longer than 3 pages).

Personal Statement

Your Personal Statement is a 500-1000 word essay describing who you are as an individual and why you want to be a filmmaker. This statement should concentrate on how your background has influenced your storytelling and filmmaking development, as well as your desire and commitment to enter the College of Motion Picture Arts. Use this statement as an opportunity to demonstrate your unique voice and personality in addition to your passion for filmmaking.

Writing Sample

The Writing Sample is a two-page, non-dialogue scene typed in 12-point Courier in standard screenplay format. Choose one of the following three prompts for the basis of your scene :

• Someone sees a spider in their home and tries to kill it at any cost.
• When burglars break into her home, a young girl tries to sneak out of the house without being seen.
• A starving puppy tries to steal food from the kitchen of a five-star restaurant.

You may also include a title/cover page.

For additional screenwriting resources including formatting tips and example scripts, visit the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences website .

Creative Portfolio

The creative portfolio is work that demonstrates your ability and commitment to storytelling. Strong samples contain visual or written material that demonstrates creativity, imaginative expression of thought, and the potential for visual storytelling. The sample must be uploaded directly into the Check Status Page. Choose one or more of the following options:

• Film, video, animation, documentary or experimental work. Submissions must not exceed 10 minutes in length and can consist of reels, short films and/or clips from feature films. You must be part of the original creation of the work. Please be clear about your specific contributions for each project.
• Photographs, drawings, paintings, sculpture, graphic art, costume, or set design that illustrates your creative vision and style. Limited to 15 pieces total.
• A sequence of 10-15 images that explores your visual storytelling. These images can be drawings or photographs in the form of a storyboard.
• Creative writing sample composed of a narrative short story, poem, script, or play. Writing samples should be in standard 12pt. font, single-spaced, and not exceed 3 pages.

Three Letters of Recommendation

Enter the names and emails for three recommenders, and we will send an email request to your recommender. All recommendation letters must be submitted online. Your recommender can include a teacher, professor, counselor, mentor, employer, or someone you’ve worked with on a creative project. The recommender should be able to speak to your ability to succeed in our program and your passion for storytelling. We do ask that no close family members write a letter of recommendation for you.

All letters of recommendation must be received by the application deadline.

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