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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, writing a college essay about death.

I'm considering writing my college essay about the death of a loved one, but I'm worried it might be too personal or too sad of a topic. What do you guys think? Should I go for it or find a different topic?

I understand your concern about writing an essay on such a personal and emotional topic. The key to deciding whether to write about the death of a loved one is to consider how this experience has significantly shaped you, your perspective, or your personal growth. If it has had a meaningful impact on your life, then it might be an appropriate topic to share with admissions officers.

When writing about a sensitive topic like death, it's essential to strike a balance between telling your story and avoiding melodrama. Focus on demonstrating how this experience has helped you grow and develop, perhaps in terms of empathy, resilience, or a new understanding of yourself and others. Colleges are looking to admit students who demonstrate personal growth and the ability to overcome challenges.

Remember to convey your unique perspective and voice in your essay. This topic is already quite personal, so focus on how it connects to your identity, passions, motivations, and goals. If you can identify a meaningful connection between this experience and your aspirations as a college student, you'll have a strong essay topic.

Lastly, consider seeking feedback from a trusted teacher, family member, or friend to ensure that your essay strikes the right balance between being heartfelt and constructive. It can be helpful to get an outside perspective when writing about emotional experiences.

In summary, it is possible to write about the death of a loved one in a college essay if you can effectively convey personal growth, maintain a balanced tone, and demonstrate a meaningful connection to your identity and aspirations.

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Last updated March 31, 2023

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Blog > Common App , Essay Advice > Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Alex McNeil, MA Admissions Consultant

Key Takeaway

Losing a loved one, especially in high school, can upend how you view the world.

It’s only natural that you’d want to write your Common Application personal statement about it.

Writing about death is always difficult, and it is especially difficult in a college application essay. It can take twice the time and effort to craft a personal statement about so emotional a topic.

Since it’s a more challenging topic, you should be sure that writing about the death of a loved one is the right choice for you.

While some advice may say otherwise, writing about traumatic experiences does not increase your chances of admission, so don’t feel forced to write about the death of a loved one just because you think that’s what admissions offices want to see.

You should write about your loss if it’s the topic that will allow you to tell your most authentic story.

So before you begin writing, consider a few critical questions to determine whether (and how) you should write your college essay about losing a loved one.

Questions to ask yourself before writing your college essay about death

As much as admissions officers are humans who care about your wellbeing, they also have criteria with which they must evaluate your personal statement. While they will empathize with your grief, at the end of the day, your essay still needs to hold its own against thousands of others.

Sometimes essays about death can do just that, poignantly and with heart. But other times, students aren’t ready. And that’s okay too.

Ask yourself the following questions and think honestly about your answers.

1. Are you really ready to think, write, and revise critically?

Grief can muddle your ideas into incomprehensible gray blobs. Your heightened sensitivity may also make the critical revision process exhausting.

But your college essay still has to shine with clarity and coherence .

It’s important that you ask yourself if you’re ready to do the detailed writing and editing that is required of personal statements.

2. Can you find a respectful balance that allows you to center yourself?

Students most frequently make the mistake of writing essays that center the person who has passed rather than themselves.

While a tribute to your loved one is a beautiful thing, your college essay has a major job to do. It needs to tell admissions officers about you.

For whatever reason, if you can’t bring the focus to yourself, you might consider writing about another topic.

3. Will you be able to process before and while writing? And if it’s not that hard to process, should you consider a different topic?

Writing is a powerful way to process tragedy. The very act can help you heal and find new direction. But the process can be intimate, and you may not want to share the information with strangers.

Your college essay also requires you to go beyond reflection to craft a thoughtful and organized essay.

So be sure that you’ve reached a point in your journey where you feel comfortable working through and writing about difficult emotions.

Alternatively, some students write about losing people who they weren’t close to and whose deaths didn’t significantly impact them. They do this solely because they think that writing about trauma helps you get into college, but it doesn’t. If you find that writing about your loss does not actually have a profound effect on your emotions, then there is likely a different essay topic awaiting you.

4. What should you do if you’ve decided you’re not ready to write your college essay about losing a loved one but still want the admissions committee to know?

You could consider how your story fits into any supplemental essays you’re writing. Or you can use the Common Application “Additional Information” section. Feel free to include whatever context you are comfortable sharing. This section can be a simple explanation and does not need to follow a specific format.

How you can write a college essay about losing a loved one

If you’ve decided that writing your college essay about losing a loved one is the right choice for you, then we have a few tips.

1. Determine what this topic should reveal about you to the admissions committee.

Begin your writing process by asking yourself what you want the admissions committee to learn about you from this story of loss.

2. Pinpoint specific examples, details, memories, or vignettes.

Root your narrative in specifics rather than generalities about you and your loved one to show, not tell your admissions officers why they were important to you.

3. End on a note of hope, resilience, or forward movement.

The reality is that even with a sad topic, you want your admissions officers to leave your essay thinking about you in a positive way so that they can picture you being an active member of their campus. Your personal statement should therefore conclude on some kind of hopeful or resilient note.

Be gracious about your limits. Write about your loss only if you feel ready and if you truly believe that it’s the story you need to tell admissions committees.

If you do choose to write your college essay about losing a loved one, then you should start early and leave plenty of extra time for writing and revision. What you’ve been through is surely difficult, so be gentle on yourself as you write and revise.

You can find more about writing your personal statement on our How to Write a College Essay post.

Liked that? Try this next.

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Articles & Advice > College Admission > Blog

How to Approach Tragedy and Loss in Your College Essay

You may feel compelled to write about a difficult subject for your college essay. Here are some tips to write about hard topics with respect and impact.

by Keaghan Turner, PhD Partner, Turner+Turner College Consulting

Last Updated: Mar 16, 2023

Originally Posted: Aug 5, 2019

Tragedy and loss are not easy subjects to broach in writing at all, let alone very public writing that someone else will read or hear spoken. Writing about tragedy and loss certainly won’t be for everyone, so make sure you give it some real thought before you try to dive in and put your jumbled, high-emotion thoughts to page. But if a difficult topic is the one that compels you to write a great admission essay, then it can be done—as long as it’s done the right way. Before we explore the key elements to writing about traumatic experiences the right way, here’s some perspective through a personal story of loss.

The struggles with writing about loss

One spring, there was a rash of suicide attempts at a local high school in my community. Two of them were successful; others were not. The first time I wrote about this loss was for a memorial service. This is the second time. It’ll never be “easy” to write about, just as what happened will never make sense to anyone who knew the victims. How can we use words for trauma and grief in order to make sense of what doesn’t make sense?

One student, in a mature spirit of activism, wrote an open letter to the school district office, which was posted and reposted all over social media until there was a school assembly featuring officials, professionals, and faith leaders open to the whole community. The Parent Teacher Organization gave out green ribbons to raise awareness about depression and other mental illnesses . Most immediately for the teens in my town, the words appeared via social media posts. That was how the students wrote about their loss in the weeks following the first (then six weeks later, the second) tragedy. Some students will write about it for their college essays, and they’ll need help. It’ll be important to them to do a good job, to honor the memories of their friends who passed away, to get it “right.”

To say the least, people had mixed feelings about these posts and reposts; about what should be discussed and how; and how to protect the grieving families from more suffering. It’s a small community, and these were shockingly sad events. The fact is, these tragedies have already fundamentally redefined the high school experience of the students in my town. The ripples might be subtle or pronounced, but they exist. Peers will mark time using these losses (midterms happened  before , prom happened  after ), and the experience will not be forgotten; it’s now part of their life stories.

Related:  Mental Health: What Is It and How You Can Find Help

How to tackle writing about tragedy the right way

Difficult topics can ( and should) be broached in admission essays because they are a part of life that can’t be ignored and often play a huge part in defining who we are as people. What I told those students about handling loss with their words is summed up below, and it also applies to writers tackling any kind of special need, medical condition, or family struggle in their college essay.

Be honest and straightforward

You don’t need to have been super close to a tragedy to be affected by it or to write about it effectively. But don’t pretend you were affected in a way you weren’t; you’ll come across as phony. If you’re moved to write about a painful event, there’s a genuine reason behind that impulse. That reason is good enough; figure out what it is. That being said, powerful life events require quick-hitting, direct sentences. Be like Hemingway, my professors used to say—keep your sentences short; they have more punch that way. You don’t need lots of flowery or figurative language to convey that your subject is a big deal—but at the same time, do make sure you’re showing, not telling, in your writing . Connecting emotionally is about expressing that time through actions and events, not just thoughts and feelings.

Find your message with the right words

Superfluous language gets in the way of gravity. Be ready to prune drafts until you feel you’ve found the right semantic fit for the intention behind your words. Your essay also needs a theme, a call, a purpose. The point isn’t simply to narrate a sad story in order to show the reader how sad it is (e.g., your essay’s message is not that teen suicide is tragic); rather, the point is to connect the sad story to the essay prompt you've chosen to address. The event itself essentially takes a backseat to the points you want to make about what it  means .

Be respectful

This is really the one ultimate rule, and if you do this, the other stuff can be worked out. In the context of the college essay, respect usually involves approaching your subject matter somewhat anonymously. Names aren’t necessary. If you’re engaging a serious, painful topic—and it involves others—be careful to write as circumspectly and thoughtfully as you can. When in doubt, ask someone whose judgment you trust (like a teacher or parent) to check it out for you.

Seek help for you or others

Is it easy to write about hard realities? Not at all—not in any context, not for anyone. But if you’re brave enough to try, you may find it to be transformative and therapeutic to articulate your experience as you process your grief and begin to heal. And the most important thing to remember is to take those emotions and experiences and use them to help others in the future before other tragedies strike. Writing about these situations can often shed light and inspire others to help people in need, which in the end is more crucial than anything else. If you have been affected by tragedy or are worried about a friend who is struggling, help is available. Contact the  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  800-273-8255 or a trusted adult.

For more advice on college essays, check out our Application Essay Clinic , or if you’re in need of mental health advice, check out the tag “mental health.”

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About Keaghan Turner, PhD

Keaghan Turner, PhD, is Assistant Professor of Digital Writing and Humanistic Studies at Coastal Carolina University . She has taught writing and literature at small liberal arts colleges and state flagship universities for the past 20 years. As a managing partner of Turner+Turner College Consulting, LLC, Dr. Turner also counsels high school students on all aspects of their college admission portfolios, leads writing workshops, and generally tries to encourage students to believe in the power of their own writing voices. You can contact Dr. Turner on Instagram @consultingprofessors or by email at  [email protected] . 

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College Essay: Lessons from the loss of a loved one

Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

As the only members of our extended family outside of Taiwan, my nuclear family and I took the annual trip from Minnesota back to our homeland that renewed my fading early childhood memories of bustling Taipei.

Jetlag compelled me to wake up at the crack of dawn, which luckily coincided with my grandmother’s daily trek up the luscious mountains right down the block. She was invariably eager to bring my brother and I along. Although my grandma was agile for her age, our youthful bodies bounded steps ahead on hills.

As years passed, I never thought the next time I’d see my grandmother would be on her deathbed.

The summer before I began ninth grade, we learned that my grandmother had undergone a spinal surgery to offset the rapid deterioration of her legs. What had been a risky procedure to begin with did little to help her prognosis.

My brother and I followed my parents on their next flight to Taiwan while she went under the knife for a second time.

The trip up the hospital elevator ticked by in silence, everyone avoiding eye contact. A blast of cold air whipped my face as the doors opened to the intensive care unit. Snapping on latex gloves, face masks and hospital gowns, we anxiously waited in the hall to enter her room, only two allowed in at once.

The first time I walked in, the shrill beeping of heavy equipment filled my ears, and thick trails of IVs sprawled on the floor. The rugged stench of rubber from my gloves clung in the air and my stomach churned to the ceaseless beeps. My heart crashed at the sight of my grandmother, immobile in a gray bed. Her lively spirit lied paralyzed, indistinguishable with jaundice and blackened fingers. I idled in shock the five minutes I was with her, conscientiously meeting her eyes, incapable of digesting the severity this situation had reached.

I left my grandma in a daze as a doctor somberly welcomed us into a room. There I learned that the initial surgery left her with a grazed spine and a pierced stomach, leaving the rest of the organs in her torso to collapse and wither. Her blood had turned toxic.

The doctor spouted more medical vocabulary. Hesitating, he paused. “I’m afraid there is no chance of recovery,” he apologized. His statement hung in the air as he continued, and eventually his words dissolved into white noise.

During my following visits, I stumbled over the right words to express to her. Her pain-enduring eyes masked with perseverance recurred through my mind hours after leaving the hospital. I still yearned for a miracle to occur in the two weeks leading up to her passing.

Because Taiwan is a moderately accelerated nation, I struggled to comprehend that the one-out-of-a-million failed victim of this risky operation was someone important to me, my 71-yearold grandmother.

After the visit, under the dimming sky, I descended the mountain without my grandma. I realized how much one loss affected multiple people. The buzz of cicadas dwindled as I neared the house. The streetlight gradually flickered out. I could only picture her last breath in the lonely hospital room, fading out to the slowing beep of her heartbeat. At that moment, I yearned for the chance to recompense my grandma in any way.

My grandmother was a sole person, but she acquired dreams and goals throughout her lifetime. Until then I never understood how small changes created big differences—like how every life matters on this Earth. Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

Even today, our knowledge of human health is not enough to save everyone. My impact may not be big, but I want to contribute to the gradual advancement of critical medical care. My aspiration is to help as many people as possible experience life’s potential.

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a nonprofit program of the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of St. Thomas, uses the principles of strong writing and reporting to help diverse Minnesota youth tell the stories of their lives and communities.

When a friend dies the impact can be as traumatic as losing a family member

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• Bahasa Indonesia

The death of a friend is a loss that most people face at some point in their lives – often many times. But it is a grief that may not be taken seriously by employers, doctors or others. The so-called hierarchy of grief , a scale used to determine who is considered a more legitimate mourner than others, puts family members at the top. For this reason, the death of a close friend can feel shunted to the periphery and has been described as a disenfranchised grief .

There has not been much research on the impact the death of a friend has on a person, so we set out to address this with our latest study . We discovered that, far from being a trivial loss, the health and well-being of people who lose a close friend has a heavy toll in the four years after that loss.

For our study, published in PLOS ONE, we analysed responses from an Australian household survey of more than 26,000 people. Of the people who completed the survey, over 9,500 had experienced the death of a close friend. Our analysis showed that life satisfaction of the bereaved fell sharply (figure 1) compared with a matched non-bereaved group. There is a large and sharp drop in this life satisfaction from month three to nine and another smaller yet still sizeable drop at months 19 to 21.

In the graph below, the impact on general health is shown comparing the bereaved group with a matched non-bereaved group. You can see the bereaved group tracking clearly lower than the non-bereaved for 24 months, an effect that continues for four years.

Social functioning and mental health are also worse after the death of a friend, which you can see in the final two graphs.

These findings suggest we need to take the death of a close friend more seriously and to change the way we support people who are suffering from such a bereavement.

Friends are psychological kin , that is, you may even have a stronger bond with friends than people you are related to by birth or marriage. So when a friend dies, the psychological and emotional stress can be as bad as the death of kin.

Our analysis shows that if you’re not socially active, the death of a friend can make the impact of the bereavement worse. As your social circle shrinks, you become less resilient to grief because you lose a key source of emotional support from your social network.

Challenging the myths

The folklore that feelings of sadness and loss reduce considerably after a year also needs to be challenged. Although there are improvements in health and getting on with everyday life, the longer-term effects on mental health and well-being cannot be ignored. This is especially worrying for disenfranchised grief – not only are there marked and enduring long-term effects, but there’s also little recognition that the bereavement was significant.

Mental health professionals and employers should now acknowledge the significant effect the death of a friend can have on a person and offer appropriate services and support. The psychological help bereaved people receive is not the same across the board, and this needs to change as we begin to accept the idea that close friends can be considered as psychological kin.

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Death: Losing a Friend and Learning

Associate Professor, NYU; author

by Chloe Mondesir

She was more than a best friend. As an only child, she was the sibling I never had. I lost her on my third day of high school. I wasn't ready for her death but at 99 she moved on anyway. I found myself alone and against the world in the foreign place called high school. But in the years since, I reminisce on the unique influence of my great grandmother's presence in my life then and even now. Her death devastated me but the experience of pulling myself up from my grief prepares me for my future more than anything else.

Her name is Mildred and I can still see her in my present. Her smile, slowly opening up leading the way to the rest of her golden face; her plump, petite body relied on her wooden cane but her impact on our family for generations was larger than life. I would walk into a room: "Chloe darling," she'd say. No one ever made me feel so special just by saying my name.

We played every game together: dolls, and dominoes. We went many places together, from grandma's backyard to Atlantic City. Today most of my high school friends see me as an older, wiser soul. I need not wonder why. It grows out of the experience of having a close companion, or really a girlfriend, so many years and three generations apart from me. Mildred's influence touches the lives of so many people I interact with today. My friend, Brittany, came to me last year more stressed than ever. Her father died as she was juggling junior year academic pressure with comforting her mom who, after the death of her husband, didn't want to be left in the house alone. "Brittany darling, we'll work it out." The Mildred in me spoke loudly as I helped Brittany face her own grief while brainstorming hobbies and activities that would help her mother get beyond the pain.

Yet I was trying to grow beyond my own pain without Mildred. I felt like I was starting life over. In my sophomore year, I was still numb. Where was my passion? I was a dancer since three, yet I was not moving in the same way anymore. Always on honor roll since elementary school, I suddenly found myself at rock bottom upon receiving a letter for summer school registration to retake trigonometry. Clearly things decayed to their worst. "Chloe darling," I thought to myself. I refocused my life and decided to join the school's bereavement group and I became a new person. If summer school was an opportunity to get back on track with my work, I wanted to give myself the opportunity to address my grieving. I didn't want to hit rock bottom again. I know the roots of a great part of this wisdom flows from my best friend.

In the beginning of my junior year, I sat in a room full of strangers. "So everybody go around the room and introduce yourself and share who you've lost." I felt like everyone stared at me. Again, even amongst a group of people in similar circumstances I felt different and alone. I uttered something. I can't remember those nervous words to this day. I just wanted to get through the moment.

The first few sessions were slow. By mid year, I was comfortable and the question became "So how do you feel about your loss now?" Finally after some time, something seemed to change for me. "I feel like this has helped me. I no longer feel as burdened being able to just talk about her as before. I feel better about the loss now." I could see everyone was taken aback, as was I. In that moment, I suddenly saw the value of time and therapy. I knew then that the entire time I struggled to be comfortable in this group of strangers was necessary for me to reach this fluid stage in my life. I found my future, ambition, and passion in that room. I want to be a psychologist.

Shortly after the confidence boost set in, I found myself dancing again, expressing emotions that were sometimes just unexplainable. I tried out for the dance team. However, this dance team wasn't in my comfort zone. I grew up with powerful art forms like ethnic dance. Now I needed to master the refined technique of Ballet in weeks. It was overwhelming but I quickly realized the fight inside of me for so long. I would be the only push I would need to get through the audition. First in my beginning stance, and suddenly in my last, I knew I had done what I needed to make the team. Sure enough I found my name in the last spot of the new dance team's roster. This was the finish line of all my experiences thus far, from loss to struggle, and from struggle to success.

Every source of pain and resentment that I once felt, I learned to fuel for my growth indefinitely. I understand the importance of sharing with people, being honest with myself, and the significance of commitment in everything I do. I am better, stronger, more able and willing to grow. Now here I am, ready to share it all with you.

Chloe Mondesir began her freshman year at Spelman College in September. She is a 2012 graduate of St Francis Preparatory School in Queens.

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When You Lose a Friend

Managing the life-changing event of losing a friend..

Posted April 27, 2015 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

Friends. They’re the people who can make the good times better and the hard times easier to live with. Friends aren’t just icing on the cake of life — they’re the cake. They make life more fun, more fulfilling, and, well, just better all around. Friends can be people we meet at school, at work, or as we are out and about living life. Friends can be family members, too. If we look at our lives as personal stories, our friends are the people who share in our stories. They’re the ones we see as we look back on our scrapbook of life. And when they’re really good friends, they’re the people we trust most.

Good friendships take a certain degree of investment. Good friends consider each other when making decisions that impact each other, and there is give and take among friends.

The good news is that friends don’t have to be — nor will they ever be — perfect. That’s life, and there’s good news here. This means we don’t have to be perfect either. Isn’t that a relief?! Sometimes we are at our best, and other times we're at our worst. In a good friendship where there is mutuality, however, we know these things. We can be really good to each other when the chips are down, laugh together more often than not, and be honest with each other when we need perspective. Friends can be great supports and reality testers that way.

The bottom line is that our friends are the people we let in. They’re the people who can get under our skin, for better or for worse, and they’re the ones in whom we choose to invest. Because of that, they bring a certain stability and normality to our lives.

What happens when we lose a good friend? When a friend moves away, or when a friend dies? These losses happen every day. And when they do, it can feel — and it generally is — life-changing. Unfortunately, this form of loss is not always acknowledged or understood. It is often viewed as an ambiguous loss. If you find yourself in a situation where you are losing a good friend, consider this:

• Be good to yourself. Recognize that you are taking a hit. The more we invest in people, the greater the grief when we lose them from life as we know it. Consider the circumstances, and let yourself grieve accordingly.
• Recognize your own needs when the loss results from a friend’s death. If you lose a friend to death, recognize that you are grieving the loss of a person near and dear to you, and give yourself the space and time to do so. Connect with others who share your loss, if this helps you, and take time for yourself to do those things that bring you comfort. Give yourself time, and realize that by honoring your loss, you honor your friend, too.
• Consider your needs when the loss results from a friend’s move or other circumstance. If you lose a friend in your day-to-day world because of a geographical move or other circumstances beyond your control, recognize that this is a loss, too. If your life is very busy, and you are losing an important support in your life, or a person who shares day-to-day life with you, the loss is not only meaningful — it is powerful in a practical sense. This form of loss requires adjustment and takes time.

In these cases, you may want to expand your world and take part in activities that bring new people and new energy into your space. Recognize the feelings you carry about the loss, even if they are uncomfortable or do not seem appropriate. For example, if you are caught by surprise, you may have many mixed feelings. At the same time that you feel sad, you may also feel angry. Or perhaps you feel happy for your friend, but you feel badly for yourself. These are all normal reactions. Giving yourself time to adjust, while trying to keep a clear and balanced perspective on the circumstances, your friend, and your own potential, will help you ultimately make the transitions that these losses bring.

Friends not only bring spice to life, they are the “we” that makes good things happen. Therefore, losing a friend can hurt. It is important to know that we all grieve differently. Our histories, personalities, and the degree of investment in the friendship, along with the current stressors and resources in our lives, influence our response to loss.

So if you have lost a friend and feel the loss, practice self-compassion. Cultivate patience. Honor the role of friendship in your life. And know that at the end of the day, your life is richer — your history is richer — because of your friendships, and because you have it in you to be a friend.

Thelma Duffey, Ph.D. , is a professor and chair in the Department of Counseling at the University of Texas at San Antonio.

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Are you a college student with someone in your life who is ailing or deceased?  Or maybe you have a friend who is coping with grief in college and you are helping them go through this experience? Below we offer some thoughts about some things that may help.

What to expect:, first of all, you will likely feel as though you are the only person on your campus who is coping with illness or death. while few share their experiences with others, you are not alone. research shows that 35-48% of college students have lost a family member or close friend within the last 2 years., one student shared that “[he is] searching for others who have struggled with the same feelings; who have, like [him], felt alone in my grief.”, another student wrote once that “[she] experienced so much emotional, mental, and physical duress from the loss of [her] mother to lung cancer.”, it is very difficult to cope with grief during the college years, because:, there is so much academic pressure., you may be away from home for the first time., you may be too far from home to travel to your loved one or family., developmentally, you are trying to gain autonomy (independence)., college is supposed to be the “best four years of your life.”, friends and faculty may be insensitive and tell you to “move on.”, therefore, the death of someone in your life can result in a decline in academic performance, social anxiety, sleep disturbances, and possible depression. in some cases, serious mental health issues can arise..

What you can do:

Share your feelings with a friend, friends, or support group members, “who understand.” it’s ok to be sad and you need to be able to talk to someone on campus that you can trust., if you are a friend of someone who is grieving, listen to them when they need someone to talk to. let them know that you are here to talk any time they need to talk, and remember that grief lasts much longer than most people who haven’t experienced grief would expect. you don’t have to “fix” anything for them, you just need to be there., if you are interested in talking with a professional counselor, then try it and see what it’s like., participate in a walk or fundraiser in honor of your ill or deceased person with a couple of friends through amf’s service group. fundraisers help me to feel like i’m doing something positive., go home when you want to (if you can). if you feel like going home to see your family, you should. but if you want some space at school, which is normal, then stay on campus., make sure your professors know at the beginning of the semester what you are going through, no surprises., it is important that you begin to reach out to others who are going through their own grief journeys. the amf support group provides a perfect opportunity for you to support others that knew what you’re going through and the opportunity to honor your ill or deceased person., what are grief and mourning, grief: the painful emotional, physical, mental and spiritual reactions to a loss, emotional: sadness, anger, ambivalence, relief, guilt, embarrassment, shame, hurt, loneliness, fear, betrayal, etc., physical: fatigue, body aches and pains, disrupted sleeping, eating and sexual patterns, crying, dizziness, tension, etc., mental: diminished concentration and focus, inability to make decisions, sensory hallucinations, thinking you’re going “crazy”, forgetting (even simple things), disorganization, etc., mourning/grieving is known as the painful process of working through the reactions. it is sometimes referred to as “grief work”., grieving does not mean “getting over it” or “forgetting”: it’s about incorporating the loss into our life story and finding our own meaning in it., bereavement and grieving is a lifelong process: it comes and goes with each new loss or transition (coming to college, leaving home, graduating, getting married, having a child, starting a job, moving, other deaths, ending or beginning a relationship/friendship)., grieving involves emotional pain: we often try to avoid this…even though we readily accept that it is part of healing physical wounds. think of having an invisible heart wound, or soul wound., some things to understand about the journey of grief:, it’s not necessary to do all of the pain at once: we try to do it in regular doses (when we experience pain). this is similar to taking a dose of medicine for a physical wound. taking all of your medicine at once could kill you…but in doses it brings temporary relief that allows you to go about your business until it’s time for the next dose. over time, you need less and less, and you don’t have to take it as often., it is important not to do all of the painful work alone or without support (though sometimes we do need solitude) sometimes we need to teach others how to help us., it is not a linear process: it ebbs and flows., a “conspiracy of silence” is what keeps people from talking to each other about loss. “i don’t mention it because i don’t want to upset you, and you don’t mention it because you don’t want to upset me”. we conspire to keep silent., s.t.u.g. reactions (t. rando) are a normal part of the grieving process: s.t.u.g. stands for “subsequent, temporary, upsurge of grief” and are triggered by sudden, unexpected reminders such as hearing a song, etc., every person’s grief and mourning process is a unique experience. for numerous reasons, no two people grieve in exactly the same way(s), or for the same amount of time, or to the same intensity. there are some commonalities, however., our goal is to recognize the similarities that we see in each other and honor and support the differences., this document has been provided by carol evangelisto, phd and edited by actively moving forward® (amf), a healgrief® program..

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A Death Overcome

Favorite Quote: "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars"

I remember that dreadful day like it happened yesterday. The whole day seemed off in the first place, my close family members crowded around me in my room. The more my family members surrounded me, the more claustrophobic I felt. There were tears rolling down their cheeks like a waterfall. I already knew a swarm of bad news was coming my way. I just hoped that it wasn’t the news I was thinking of. I pray to God it’s not that dreadful news.     

“Your mom went to sleep,” my grandfather blurted out followed by the sobs of my family members including him.

It didn’t click at first, why were they telling me that she went to sleep? Sleep… sleep? She’s gone? Every tear cascaded down my flushed cheeks. I already knew this must have been the news, but it was so shocking to actually hear she’s gone. We all knew that she was going to leave this desolated planet soon; she’s been so sick, always in the hospital. My family tried to prepare me and my sister for this day to come, but we all know that’s it’s highly impossible to prepare children to lose their mother, the woman that carried them for 9 month and loved them for many more.     

We knew it was going to happen soon, a lady from the Hospice Center came to the house and told us about her illness. I didn’t want to believe her, I didn’t believe her. That’s my mom, I would never believe my mom would die at such an early age. More tears flowed down my face as I thought about that day; I wish I would have believed her and spent much more time with my mother instead of running away from the problem at hand.

My grandmother got rid of my heart broken family members and picked out my clothes for me; she knew I did not feel like picking out any at the moment. Everyone was silent as they walked out of my chilly room, giving me enough time to get dressed before they came back to check up on me. We walked out in unison to the cars to see my momma one last time.     

As we pulled up to the Hospice Center, goosebumps appeared all over my body, I never imagined I would have to say goodbye to my mom this early. I’m only 15, just 15. The lady at the front desk didn’t ask questions, she just led us to her room, already knowing who we came to see. Every step I took, my heart beat sped up. Anticipation swelled up in my body ready to explode. We sat outside of my mother’s door for a good two minutes before the lady from the front desk slowly opened the door.     

There she lay in her bed. The bed was raised slightly to preserve her body for us to be able to see her body for the last time. My knees started to weaken as everyone strolled into her room. I stood from afar, observing what used to be my mother. I watched my grandmother struggle to get her eyes close, but the rigor mortis had set in already. Their nurses were so kind to fold her hands. She looked like she was at peace, she was at peace. I could already feel the tears flowing down my face as I walked in and placed my warm hand on her chilled empty body. Her face seemed like she was at finally at ease. Her eyes slightly open and mouth hanging down like she normally slept. She had on her favorite blue gown, I could already sense she was happy because of that blue gown. Her nails were perfectly done, like she always had them. She would always have her nails done in case she meets a “hot doctor”. All memories of her started flooding back into my head. Every movie, every trip to Disney and Sea World. Even when my family found out how sick she was. My body aches for her to still be here, but she’s with the Lord now. She needed to be with Him. He’s the only one that can heal her, even if that means taking her away from everyone that loves and cares about her.     

Everyone prayed over her as I held my sister, who was shedding buckets of tears. I knew this is just as hard for her. We both cried over our mother, who we know is still in our hearts. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore. She was hurting so much while on Earth and we couldn’t stop her pain, only God could.     

It is difficult to deal with the loss of a parent. It’s worse when you have to go through it at a young age, but eventually we come to deal with it. I still have my moments where I miss the sound of her voice. I’ll start to cry about not having my mom around when a lot of people; have their moms, but I can’t keep wishing for her to come back. She’s happier and healthier than ever. There was nothing we could do here on Earth.

Even if you prepare for someone’s death, you’re never really prepared for it, God will take people at any moment. You just have to know that life is not promised and continue to love on that person who’s dying until their very last day and every day after that. It hurts to know they’re gone, but overtime you will get over the pain and be able to celebrate the good times you and that loved one had.      

The death of my mom changed my whole perspective on life and death. I weep for the people who die, but praise the people who God let walk on this Earth. After losing my mom, I respect and love everyone how I want to be loved and respected because you never know what pain they have going on in their lives. It was a struggle to get to this point, but I’m glad God gave me the strength to overcome this dreadful experience and helped me find the lesson within it.

I was inspired to write this piece for everyone who has gone through pain like this. It's hard to cope with the death of a parent or guardian, it's even harder to find the lesson behind that gruesome event. I hope people will understand that you shouldn't take you family for granted because you never know when something will take them away forever. Love and appreciate the people who take care of you.

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Narrative Essay Example on Facing Death of a Loved One

Introduction.

Everything that happens in people’s lives, especially in the childhood, has a huge impact on the future development of personality. Every event goes with the certain type of denotation: neutral, positive, or negative. Unfortunately, almost all negative events have the most forceful impact on every human being. Indeed, different events imply different levels of emotions. For example, a broken toy (even if it is the most loved one) will never cause such emotional damage as a death of a close family member. In fact, the death of a beloved person is one of the worst things that could happen in the whole life. This issue has already been researched by experts in psychology, but since it leads to numerous significant mental damages, new researches and programs should be implemented for finding new ways of solution.

Such a serious issue as a death of a close person took place in my life. When I was younger, I had a very good friend, and, in fact, we spent almost all childhood and adolescence together. My friend had a brother, even though his brother was two years older, they were best friends. One day, the brother of my friend drowned in a river, and it was a huge loss for his family and friends. Their parents were crushed with it, but did everything possible to stay strong for their younger son. Unfortunately, it was really hard for my friend to cope with such a huge loss.

Obviously, when hard time comes, every person needs an emotional support. I also had one almost identical loss in my life, and I knew better than everybody else how hard to live with it emotionally. Talking about me and my friend, I should say that my feelings were rather contradictory, because I wanted to help him to get through this hard period, but, on the other hand, I did not even want to be near him, because, unintentionally, he was a constant reminder of my own loss. However, I did everything I could to cope with my pain to support my close friend.

While I spent time with him, I could also vividly see him passing through all stages of death acceptance. At first, he had a shock and obviously showed disbelief in what had happened. The shock resulted in his abnormal behavior as he did not say a word for almost a month. His whole appearance and actions showed that his conscious created an alternative reality to protect the mind from irreversible damage. In addition, he had problems with nutrition, as in the vast majority of cases, he refused to eat. As a result, poor nutrition negatively affected his physical health and resulted in serious problems with heart, liver, and digestion. Those diseases are successfully cured already, but back to those days his health was in a really bad condition.

In a month, he went forward to the denial stage. All of a sudden, he started talking, but he also acted like nothing happened. Such behavior is considered to be rather normal in psychology, but in the real life, the severity of mental state may vary. In fact, disbelief and denial are the parts of the defensive mechanism, which protected my friend from the dreadful reality. The mind of my friend created the scenario, where his brother was alive, but temporary moved to another place nearby. When he was, on this stage, it was easier for us all on the emotional level, because he did not suffer as much as earlier and later. The denial lasted for few weeks, and his behavior turned into violent. When I had such a situation in life, I do not remember if I was in denial, but I surely remembered that I became a lot more irritable and aggressive.

My friend showed almost identical behavior, and became rather violent and offensive towards other people. In addition, he even was rude to his own parents, which is absolutely unacceptable. Unfortunately, there were no good psychologist in the city to treat him properly, but with our constant help and support he was on the anger stage not for long. I did my best to help him on this stage, because I remembered how important the support of the people one care about.

In addition to the abovementioned, I can say that he was on the bargaining stage as well. My friend prayed every day to God with only one asking, to bring the brother back and take him instead. This stage lasted not for a long time, because there was nothing he could do about. Bargaining had brought a serious depression and my friend had lost the interest to everything surrounded him. It was hard for his parents to see him in such condition. However, we all tried to talk to him, and I remembered what I wanted to hear in terms of my depression. It was a real pleasure for me to know that my words helped him to end depression. Every person, who had faced death of a loved one, needs to know that he or she moved to a better place and even though this person is not near physically, he or she had never left spiritually. Realizing this idea always help people to move forward from depression to acceptance.

In the end, my friend had finally come to acceptance of his brother being dead. His grief never left him completely; however, my friend learned that he can live with this loss, and his brother never left him and would stay in the heart and memories forever.

Symptoms and Ways to Cope with Death of a Loved One

Taking into account the abovementioned story, one can say that death of a loved person is one of the most stressful events that may result in serious mental and physical damages. Even though all major aspects of consequences caused by death of a loved person have already been researched numerous times, this issue remains being topical.

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In fact, the death of a loved one causes the common state named grief. Since different people have different coping mechanism and life perception, every individual may show numerous kinds of reaction (Eshbaugh & Henninger, 2013). These kinds of reaction may vary from serious, but temporary depression to chronic depression that leads to the common death or suicide. In general, death of a close person causes significant issues in psychological, physical, and social aspects.

Every individual with a psychological trauma caused by the death of a loved one starts to show certain symptoms, which indicate the severity of his or her condition. Psychological symptoms imply mood swings, sadness, anger, anxiety, irritability, denial, concentration difficulties, etc. Accordingly, the abovementioned symptoms may also be presented on different levels of seriousness. While some individuals may have temporary and hidden behavioral manifestation, others show the reaction symptoms more vividly. In addition, some individuals may perform rather controversial reaction on the death of a loved one. This can be caused by the serious damage of the connection between left and right parts of the brain. Therefore, logical and emotional sides can be reduced with their normal activity, which may result in significant and even irreversible mental damages.

The physical aspect of the issue should also be taken into consideration, because the abnormal emotional state reflects on the physical health condition of every individual. The most common physical symptoms are heart problems, high or low blood pressure, pains, muscle tension, constant fatigue, sleep disorders (nightmares or insomnia), etc. (Shear, 2012). Since both psychological and physical states are closely connected, the death of a loved one leads to negative physical changes in the body. In fact, some of the symptoms may be performed only on the emotional level (for example, pain), and the lab results may not show any biological changes. Therefore, some physical symptoms may be only the result of self-induced hypnotism and cause minor physical damage. On the other hand, in such cases, individuals with the abovementioned issues need help of professional doctors. Even if the physical damage is not significant at the beginning, without proper treatment it may worsen and result in serious disability, coma, or even death.

Death of a loved one also brings changes in terms of the social area. Such serious psychological trauma makes individuals aggressive or reserved towards other people. As stated above, different people may have different reactions on the same negative event. On one hand, people with psychological trauma gain the tendency to more violent and offensive behavior in order to bring other people on the same emotional level intentionally or unintentionally. On the other hand, psychological trauma may change normal behavior of the person to unsocial, which leads to withdrawing from other people. Both states of mind, aggressive and reversed require help of a professional psychologist since without treatment it will lead to irreversible mental damages. In the cases, if a person shows social signs of his or her trauma, without professional help and support from family members and friends, the changes in behavior may become permanent.

In the cases of death of a loved one, people pass through five stages of acceptance: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This classification mostly refers to people who are dying themselves, but in many cases, individuals who had faced death of a loved one pass these stages as well. In general, denial is a rather normal reaction on a psychological trauma and is considered to be one of the defense mechanism manifestations. Denial reflects in refusal to accept reality or information with negative background. The anger stage of acceptance can be performed in different ways. Thus, individuals with psychological trauma can be angry with themselves, close people, or strangers. Therefore, this stage is very important to control because a person in the state of anger may commit violent actions, which result in serious physical damages. In fact, individuals on this stage require support and treatment more than ever because it is a critical point in coping with death of a loved one.

The third stage of acceptance is bargaining, and it is less mentally severe than the previous one. Bargaining involves some alternative scenarios created by the mind of the individual coping with death of a loved one. Also, this stage implies bargaining with God or other higher forces in different religions. Furthermore, the depression stage of coping with death of a loved one is the first indication of acceptance. On this stage, people began to accept the real facts and events but remain being in a constant depressed state. However, moving to this stage is a rather good sign, because it shows the progression in the mental condition of emotionally damaged person. The final stage is the acceptance itself, and it can be presented in different ways, for example, suicide or coping with the loss.

Therefore, when the first signs of abnormal behavior appear, the treatment should be started immediately. The treatment of physical damages can be drug-induced and imply various medical procedures (Furer, Walker, & Stein, 2007). Unfortunately, if psychological treatment fails, the treatment of physical symptoms and damages may not have a good result in the end or turn into recurrence. As a matter of fact, professional treatment is the key element in solving the health problem caused by death of a loved one. Moreover, the main aspect of the treatment grounds on the psychological therapy that may take a period from few weeks to more than a year.

Taking into account all abovementioned, one can say that death of a loved one negatively affects every individual and is reflected in serious or irreversible damages in mental, physical and social aspects. Individuals coping with the loss tend to pass certain stages of acceptance and require professional help in order to return to the normal physical, mental, and social condition. Lastly, the individual differences in life perception determine the results of treatment and further psychological recovering.

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The Loss of a Pet that Changed My Life

• Categories: Dog Friendship

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Words: 766 |

Published: Jan 28, 2021

Words: 766 | Pages: 2 | 4 min read

Works Cited

• Albom, M. (1997). The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Hyperion.
• Barchas, P. R., & Houston, D. M. (2001). Children's grief and pet loss: A guide for parents. Routledge.
• Black, A. (2002). When a pet dies. Penguin.
• Brown, J. (2009). Saying goodbye to the pet you love: A complete resource to help you heal. Hazelden Publishing.
• Coren, S. (2004). How dogs think: Understanding the canine mind. Free Press.
• Kowalski, G. J., & Rang, J. A. (2007). Goodbye, friend: Healing wisdom for anyone who has ever lost a pet. New World Library.
• Kunhardt, D., & Kunhardt, P. (2001). Remembering lives: Conversations with the dying and the bereaved. Anchor Books.
• Nelson, T. D. (2019). The psychology of death: An introduction. Routledge.
• Serpell, J. A. (2017). Domestic dog cognition and behavior: The scientific study of Canis familiaris. Springer.
• Wolfelt, A. D. (2003). The loss of a pet: A guide to coping with the grieving process when a pet dies. Companion Press.

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• Loss Of Friend

25+ Quotes to Help You Get Through a Death of a Friend

Updated 12/28/2023

Published 11/19/2019

Cassie Barthuly, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Enduring the death of a friend is painful. You may have known them since childhood or attended their wedding. You may have seen them through major life milestones, and vice versa. A friend dying is like losing a family member.

Jump ahead to these sections:

Inspirational quotes about the death of a friend, sad quotes about the death of a friend, quotes about the death of a childhood friend, quotes about the sudden death of a friend, quotes about the death of a best friend, quotes about losing friends who haven't died, songs about losing a friend, how to cope with losing a friend.

Coping with the death of a close friend, especially if it was sudden, is a challenge. How can you cope with overwhelming grief? Sometimes, venting to others or expressing emotions is cathartic. Sometimes, our emotions are too overwhelming to put into words straight away. Fortunately, many writers have put down their feelings after a friend died. Sometimes, it’s easier to let someone else speak for you. 

The quotes below are both inspirational and sad. Have a look through and perhaps you’ll find one that captures your emotions during this intense time. Feel free to use these quotes in a eulogy for your friend , reflect on them by yourself, or share them with others.

Share your final wishes, just in case.

Create a free Cake end-of-life planning profile and instantly share your health, legal, funeral, and legacy decisions with a loved one.

Grief can block out any positive emotions. When you’re mourning a friend, take time to remember all the great memories you have with them.

1. “On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend's life also, in our own, to the world.” —Henry David Thoreau, Author 

Carrying on your friend’s legacy is a dutiful task. Trying to live a lesson they taught through their way of life is a way to honor them.

2. “While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.” —John Taylor, President of the Church of Latter-Day Saints 

Grief has a way of inducing tunnel vision. Taylor reminds us that if you believe in an afterlife, others want to meet your friend there.

3. “Your lost friends are not dead, but gone before, / Advanced a stage or two upon that road / Which you must travel in the steps they trod.” —Aristophanes, Philosopher

Losing a friend often makes people feel lonely and deserted. Aristophanes reminds us that they’re only a few steps ahead along the road we all walk.

4. “The comfort of having a friend may be taken away, but not that of having had one.” —Seneca, Philosopher

The memories of your friend will never fade away.

5. “You cannot stop loving your friend because he's dead, especially if he was better than anyone alive, you know?” —J.D. Salinger, Author

Love transcends all boundaries. It allows people to continue loving after death, even if they can’t see their friends anymore. 

Losing a friend is something many people experience. Knowing your feelings are universal doesn’t make it easier, though.

6. “The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired.” —Robert Southey, Poet

Sometimes, it feels like you’ll never get over the grief. It can feel all-encompassing. Southey admits that you’ll get over the pain, but never the loss.

7. “Tell your friend that in his death, a part of you dies and goes with him. Wherever he goes, you also go. He will not be alone.” —Jiddu Krishnamurti, Philosopher

Jiddu’s take on grief allows you to believe that you will never separate from your friend. No matter where they go after death, part of you will be there with him.

8. “Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.” —Kehlog Albran, Author

No matter how close you and your friend were, death separates you both.

9. “He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man.” —Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Author and Pilot

Sometimes, memories can be more powerful motivators than current experiences. Living in a way that would honor your friend’s memory is motivating.

10. “What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” —Helen Keller, Teacher and activist

Keller states that loss is impossible because love makes people a permanent part of you. If this is true, you’ll never lose your friends. 

Childhood friends have an inseparable bond because of the memories you have together. From getting braces to starting college, their impact is incalculable.

11. “The bond between friends cannot be broken by chance; no interval of time or space can destroy it. Not even death itself can part true friends.” —John Cassian, Theologian

Friendship and love are the only things more powerful than death. Even if you don’t see your friend again, your bond still matters.

12. “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” —Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Psychiatrist

The psychological ramifications of grief get complicated. The idea that grief changes you forever is scary but understandable.

13. "Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day... unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear." —Unknown

Feeling abandoned by deceased friends is natural. The idea that they are near to you is a comforting one.

14. “In the garden of memory, in the palace of dreams... that is where you and I shall meet.” —Lewis Carrol, Author

Sometimes, memories and dreams are all you have left. They still provide a meaningful space to emotionally reconnect with your friend.

15. "If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." —A.A. Milne, Author

True friends will never leave you. This is because you carry on their legacy and memories in your heart. 

Sudden death is devastating. There’s no chance to say goodbye, no chance to prepare yourself. One day your friend is healthy and happy, and the next day they’re gone. Dealing with the whiplash of grief is challenging.

16. “The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!” —Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Author

If you’re religious, the idea that God is close to you in these moments is comforting.

17. “Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face—I know it's an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.” —Nicholas Sparks, Author

Searching crowds for someone’s face, even if you know they aren’t there, is an expression of pure grief. Loneliness sometimes doesn’t follow along with logic.

18. “I don’t think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that remains.” —Anne Frank, Author

Misery can swallow up all the good things in your life. Friends and family members that you have left and happy memories can be erased by grief. Frank insists that we focus on the beauty leftover as a survival mechanism.

19. "We need to grieve the ones we have loved and lost in this lifetime—not to sustain our connection to suffering, but to sustain our connection to love.” —Unknown

Closing yourself off from grief feels like a necessary survival mechanism. This quote warns that that approach cuts you off from love, too.

20. “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison, Author

You can’t control how you feel. All you can do is learn how to react to your feelings. 

Losing friends that you would go see movies or take a trip with is devastating. Losing someone closer to you than anyone else in the world is unimaginable.

21. "There are some who bring a light so great to the world that even after they have gone the light remains." — Unknown

Maybe your best friend was one of these people. Even though they are gone now, their impact remains.

22. "Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone." —Unknown

Was your best friend kind? Honest? Brave? The best way to honor their legacy is to emulate these traits in your own life.

23. "My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love." —Unknown

It’s easy to wish for nothing more than the pain to stop. This quote testifies that the depth of your grief shows how much love you experienced. 

24."Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time. It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other." —Leo Buscaglia, Professor

Death has a way of making itself immediate. We don’t have all the time in the world to tell people how much we love them.

25. "Grief is the price we pay for love." —Queen Elizabeth II, Monarch

Loving someone means you’ll grieve them at some point. That doesn’t mean love isn’t worth it. 

Sometimes you can lose a friend even if they haven’t died. Broken friendships can be just as painful as losing a close friend in death, and dealing with the aftermath can be challenging.

26. “Friendship plants itself as a small unobtrusive seed; over time, it grows thick roots that wrap around your heart. When a love affair ends, the tree is torn out quickly, the operation painful but clean. Friendship withers quietly, there is always hope of revival. Only after time has passed do you recognize that it is dead, and you are left, for years afterwards, pulling dry brown fibers from your chest.” — Anna Lyndsey

Friendship grows deep roots over time, becoming a part of us. Unlike romantic relationships that might end abruptly, friendship fades slowly, leaving lasting imprints.

27. "I used to know you the best and now I don't even remember your name."  — Mya Waechtler, Author

The pain of a broken friendship can be so profound that we might choose to forget even the most basic details. This quote is a testament to how deeply we can be affected by lost friendships.

28. “We can’t feel the loss of a friend until they are apart from us.” — Debolina Dutta, Actress

Only in absence do we truly realize the value of a friend. The depth of loss becomes apparent only when the person is no longer present in our lives.

29. “Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks.” — Waqar Ahmed, author

Like glass, friendships are fragile. Once broken, remnants of the breakage remain even if you make up.

30. “A friendship that can cease has never been real.” — St. Jerome, Priest

True friendships withstand the test of time. If a bond ends, it might not have been as genuine as we believed.

Losing a friend affects all of us. Some people express their grief by penning songs that serve as touching tributes to a life lost. 

1. “Gone Too Soon” by Michael Jackson

This song was written about the death of teenager Ryan White, who was asked to leave school after receiving an AIDS diagnosis. The song was later performed at Jackson’s own funeral.

This song is a tribute to a young life taken too early, emphasizing the fleeting nature of life and the profound impact of loss.

2. “Etta’s Tune” by Rosanne Cash

Rosanne Cash sang this song about the wife of a member of Johnny Cash’s band. The marriage between Etta and her guitarist husband, Marshall Grant, lasted 65 years.

“Etta’s Tune” is a touching ode to enduring love and the pain of losing someone who has been a constant presence in one’s life.

3. “I’ll Remember You” by Thea Gilmore

This song is a beautiful tribute to a lost friend, ending with the words, “My dear sweet friend, I’ll remember you.” It’s a heartfelt promise to always cherish and remember the memories shared with a departed friend.

4. “Broken Halos” by Chris Stapleton

This song speaks about friends and family who have passed on. Stapleton advises against seeking reasons for their departure, suggesting that some answers are beyond our understanding.

This song is a reflection on the mysteries of life and death, and the acceptance of the unknown.

5. “If You Say So” by Lea Michelle

This song is about the death of Lea Michele’s fellow Glee cast member, Cory Monteith. The title, “If you say so,” was reportedly the last words Montheith said to Michele.

The song is a raw expression of grief and the struggle to come to terms with the sudden loss of a close friend.

6. “Fire and Rain” by James Taylor

James Taylor penned this song after the tragic death of a close friend. The lyrics touch on the pain of loss and the difficulty of moving forward.

7. “See You Again” by Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth

Originally written as a tribute to the late Paul Walker, this song resonates with anyone who has lost a close friend. It speaks of the hope of reuniting someday.

8. “Wake Me Up When September Ends” by Green Day

Billie Joe Armstrong wrote this song in memory of his father, who passed away when he was a child. The lyrics convey the deep pain and longing that comes with such a loss.

9. “Who Knew” by Pink

Pink reflects on a friend she lost unexpectedly in this song. It touches on the shock of sudden loss and the wish for just one day with the departed.

10. “One More Light” by Linkin Park

This song was written in memory of a friend and became even more significant after the passing of the band’s lead singer, Chester Bennington. It serves as a poignant reminder that every life matters.

Losing a friend is an experience that words often fail to describe. The bond of friendship leaves an indelible mark on our hearts. When that bond is severed by the cruel hand of death, the void can feel unsurmountable.

Yet, it’s important to remember that you can heal and that healing is a journey, not a destination. With time, patience, and the right coping mechanisms, you can find a way to honor your lost friend while rediscovering joy and purpose in your life.

Allow yourself to grieve

Grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s so important to give yourself permission to feel the full spectrum of emotions that come with it. Denying or suppressing your feelings can prolong the healing process.

Remember, there’s no “right” way to grieve. Everyone’s journey is unique. It’s okay to cry, feel anger, or even experience moments of joy as you reminisce about the good times. Embracing your emotions can be therapeutic and pave the way for acceptance and healing.

Seek support

Leaning on loved ones or seeking professional help can be immensely helpful in times of profound sorrow. Friends, family, therapists, or support groups can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or even just the comforting presence of someone who cares.

If the weight of your grief feels too heavy to bear alone, consider seeking therapy or counseling. Professionals can provide:

• Coping strategies
• A safe space to express your feelings
• Guidance on navigating the complexities of loss

Create a memorial or tribute

Honoring your friend's memory is another therapeutic way to cope with loss. So consider creating a memorial or tribute in their name, such as:

• A scrapbook filled with photos or mementos
• A dedicated space in your home with their belongings
• A charitable act or foundation in their honor

By celebrating their life and legacy, you keep their memory alive and find a purposeful way to channel your grief into something positive and meaningful.

Grieving a Friend: Gone but Not Forgotten

Dealing with the death of a friend feels impossible. Allowing yourself to feel every emotion is crucial to healing. Whether you write poetry, go through mementos, or read sympathetic quotes, try to work through it gently. Remember that your friend would be proud to see you healing in their memory.

Post-loss tip: If you are the executor for a deceased loved one, handling the emotional and technical aspects of their unfinished business can be overwhelming without a way to organize your process. We have a post-loss checklist that will help you ensure that your loved one's family, estate, and other affairs are taken care of.

Categories:

• Quotes About Death

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New questions after death of Riley Strain

N ASHVILLE, Tenn. (WKRN) —The family of Riley Strain – the college student from Missouri who went missing from downtown Nashville only to be found weeks later in the Cumberland River – is still looking for answers after his untimely death.

Both Strain’s family and the Metro Nashville Police Department are still working to learn more about what exactly happened to him the night he went missing.

A new person in the investigation was interviewed along the riverfront last weekend where Strain was last seen and a second person in that location was re-interviewed, according to MNPD. The person who was interviewed twice is the last known individual to say he saw Strain before he disappearance and was able to give police a statement.

Strain’s family friend, Chris Dingman, spoke with News 2’s sister station, NewsNation, about the new statements.

“That was something we had been looking for. A lot of times, though, sometimes the homeless people, they’ll say something to you and me, or not a policeman, and you know, just to be having a conversation. So Monday, another one of our associates was down there, the gentleman showed back up again and we’re able to call the detectives. The detective showed up and purveyed what we were given Saturday evening. He told the detective his account of the story, of what what he transpired, and what happened to Riley,” explained Dingman.

Dingman also said there are at least three more cameras downtown that could help the investigation but they have not seen this footage.

“The reason that footage is so incredibly important to the family, is the person of interest that the family had been wanting to see, the homeless person that we knew had been the last person to talk to Riley, up on top of the roadway. We got to talk to him finally, he actually reached out Saturday afternoon to some friends of ours that was down there talking with the homeless [and he] actually gave his statement. Him and another person that Riley had come through there had been stumbling, possibly stumbled into the little fence that’s right there. They asked him if he was okay. He says, ‘Yeah, man, I’m just drunk,’ something along those lines. And they put him walking underneath the bridge, past the detention center area. That was huge.”

An MNPD spokesperson said there is no surveillance video from the Birch Building, which is the building just past the bridge underpass where Strain was last seen, that shows his last movements. The spokesperson added there is no video confirmation whatsoever that Strain passed beyond the bridge.

Strain’s death is still presumed to be accidental, pending the medical examiner’s autopsy report.

As the family continues pressing for answers, Dingman said they’ve had minimal communication with the friends Strain was out with on his last night. He said their questions have been deflected and not answered.

The Mizzou senior’s body was found in the Cumberland River  in West Nashville on March 22, roughly eight miles away from where he was last seen downtown on March 8. 

Strain’s family traveled from Missouri to Nashville after finding out on March 9 that he was missing, and they remained in town for the duration of the search.  

Strain’s spring fraternity formal ended in a way his family never expected. Surveillance footage showed  Strain appear to struggle at times while walking through downtown.  Police body camera video  later showed Strain briefly exchanging greetings with an officer investigating a car burglary in Gay Street, but MNPD noted that Strain did not appear to be in distress.  

In a statement, TC Restaurant Group, which owns and operates Luke’s 32 Bridge, said records show Strain purchased and was served one alcoholic drink and two waters before he was kicked out of the bar.

Nexstar is the parent company of WKRN and NewsNation.

For the latest news, weather, sports, and streaming video, head to WKRN News 2.

From football hero to murder suspect: An O.J. Simpson photo timeline

Simpson earned fame through football and show business, but all that was forever changed when his ex-wife and her friend were brutally knifed to death in June 1994.

O.J. Simpson was the star tailback for college football’s powerful University of Southern California in the late 1960s.

Simpson then played 11 NFL seasons, nine of them with the Buffalo Bills, where he became known as “The Juice” on an offensive line known as “The Electric Company.”

Simpson married Nicole Brown in 1985. They had two children, Justin and Sydney, and divorced in 1992.

A passerby found Brown Simpson’s body near a gate to her West Los Angeles condominium in June 1994. Police found Ronald Goldman’s body in shrubbery nearby.

Live TV coverage of Simpson's arrest after a famous slow-speed chase marked a stunning fall from grace.

One of Simpson’s lawyers, Johnnie Cochran, coined a phrase that would endure in pop culture: “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”

A criminal court jury found Simpson not guilty of murder in 1995, but a civil trial jury found him liable in 1997 for the deaths and ordered him to pay $33.5 million to family members of Brown Simpson and Goldman.

In 2008, a jury convicted Simpson of armed robbery and other felonies after he led five men into a confrontation with two sports memorabilia dealers in a cramped Las Vegas hotel room.

Imprisoned at age 61,  he served nine years  in a remote northern Nevada prison, including a stint as a gym janitor.

The Associated Press

Matt Nighswander is a Senior Photo Editor at NBC News Digital.

Caitlyn Jenner reacts to OJ Simpson's death with two-word message

Following the death of o.j. simpson at 76, caitlyn jenner — who was married to the late nicole brown simpson’s close friend kris jenner — responded with her thoughts on the news, by brahmjot kaur | e online • published 6 hours ago.

Originally appeared on E! Online

Caitlyn Jenner is breaking her silence.

After O.J. Simpson 's family announced he died at 76 after privately battling cancer, the " Keeping Up With the Kardashians " alum responded with her perspective on the news.

As Jenner wrote on X , formerly known as Twitter, April 11. "Good Riddance."

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Good Riddance #OJSimpson — Caitlyn Jenner (@Caitlyn_Jenner) April 11, 2024

The Kardashians' ties to the Simpson family run deep, going all the way back to the late '60s when Robert Kardashian Sr. and O.J. Simpson became friends while in college and the football player was even best man during the attorney's 1978 wedding to Kris Jenner .

When Simpson was arrested for the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman in 1994, Kardashian served as one of the 10 attorneys on his defense team.

At the time, Kris Jenner — who had been close friends with Brown Simpson before her death — was married to Caitlyn Jenner. ( They divorced in 2015. ) And while Kardashian — who shared kids Kourtney Kardashian , Kim Kardashian , Khloe Kardashian and Rob Kardashian with ex Kris Jenner — had a close bond with Simpson, Caitlyn Jenner made it clear she didn't share the love.

25 bizarre things you forgot about the OJ Simpson murder trial

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In fact, the 74-year-old — who shares daughters Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner with Kris Jenner — admitted she believed the "Towering Inferno" actor was guilty and even banned his name in their home during the 1995 trial.

"That night the verdict came in, Kourtney and Kimberly were in school and obviously they loved their father, and they should," Caitlyn Jenner recalled on "I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here" in 2019. "They'd been following this for a year and a half and when they walked in the door, I think it was Kourtney who said, 'Well, I told you he didn't do it.'"

"And I just said to the girls, 'just because he got a not guilty didn't mean he didn't do it,'" she continued, "'and I don't want his name ever mentioned in this house again.'"

She also reflected on that moment in her 2017 memoir "The Secrets of My Life" and alleged that Robert Kardashian knew Simpson was guilty but had joined his defense team to rekindle his relationship with Kris Jenner.

Kim Kardashian recounted the allegations in a 2017 episode of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians," telling sisters "Robert told Caitlyn in secret after the O.J. murder trial that he believed his friend was guilty."

The 43-year-old rebuked Caitlyn Jenner's claims, adding that when it came to Simpson, "Dad so believed in him."

This article tagged under:

Photography

O.J. Simpson dies at 76: His life in photos

By Washington Post staff | Apr 11, 2024

O.J. Simpson, the football superstar who became a symbol of domestic violence and racial division after he was found not guilty of murdering his ex-wife and her friend in a trial that riveted the nation and had legal and cultural repercussions for years to come, died April 10. He was 76.

Myung J. Chung/Pool/AP

The cause was cancer, according to a post from his family on the social media platform X. Additional details were not available.

Simpson at the University of Southern California.

Nov. 9, 1968 | Los Angeles

Simpson runs against California in a college game.

Dec. 5, 1968 | New York

Simpson poses with the Heisman Trophy. He led the country in rushing that season.

Jan. 20, 1969 | Philadelphia

Simpson holds an engraved silver case, the Maxwell Award, an award from journalists and coaches.

Bill Ingraham/AP

Jan. 29, 1969 | Palo Alto, Calif.

Simpson receives the Pop Warner Award from Ernie Nevers, who had a long career as a player and a coach.

Ellis R. Bosworth/AP

Jan. 27, 1970 | Las Vegas

Simpson, left, and fellow player Al Cowlings dine together. Cowlings would gain attention for helping his friend flee from police in 1994 before Simpson was arrested.

Oct. 10, 1973 | Buffalo

Simpson pose with wife Marguerite, daughter Arnella, 4, and son Jason, 2.

Mickey Osterreicher/AP

Dec.16, 1973 | New York, N.Y.

Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, rushes through the Jets defensive line during first quarter play at Shea Stadium in which he broke the NFL season rushing record.

Feb. 4, 1974 | Buffalo

Simpson, center, receives the S. Rae Hickock Professional Athlete of the Year award. At right is New York Yankees legend Phil Rizzuto, who was the first recipient of the award in 1950.

Dave Pickoff/AP

Nov. 18, 1976 | Los Angeles

Simpson stands behind ABC sports producer Roone Arledge, who has an armful of Emmys at the 28th annual ceremony.

1978 | New York

Simpson embraces actresses Gilda Radner, left, and Jane Curtin on “Saturday Night Live.”

March 24, 1978 | San Francisco

Simpson speaks about being traded from the Buffalo Bills to the San Francisco 49ers.

Sal Veder/AP

Aug. 1, 1978 | San Francisco

Simpson would retire with the 49ers in 1979.

May 6, 1980 | Beverly Hills, Calif.

Simpson and Nicole Brown at a party. They would marry in 1985 and divorce in 1992.

July 21, 1984 | Santa Monica, Calif.

Simpson carries the Olympic torch. The games were held in Los Angeles that summer.

Douglas Pizac/AP

Aug. 2, 1985 | Canton, Ohio

Joe Namath, left, and Simpson, right, stand in front of the Pro Football Hall of Fame before they were inducted.

Mark Duncan/AP

Aug. 3, 1985 | Canton, Ohio

Vrom left: Frank Gatski, Namath, Pete Rozelle, Simpson and Roger Staubach stand with their bronze busts at the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Ernie Mastroianni/AP

From left, Simpson, Leslie Nielsen and George Kennedy in the 1994 movie, "Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult."

Paramount/Kobal/Shutterstock

March 16, 1994 | Los Angeles

Simpson and Brown attend the premiere of “Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult” with their children, Sidney Brooke and Justin.

Fred Prouser/Reuters

June 16, 1994 | Los Angeles

Simpson and his children attend a funeral for Brown after she was slain.

Eric Draper/AP

June 17, 1994 | Los Angeles

A white Ford Bronco, driven by Al Cowlings and carrying Simpson, is trailed by police cars on a freeway. Simpson had been ordered to surrender but fled. He was eventually arrested.

Joseph R. Villarin/AP

June 21, 1995 | Los Angeles

At his trial for the murder of his ex-wife and Ron Goldman, Simpson tries on a pair of new gloves, similar to the gloves found at the crime scene. He struggled to pull on the gloves, which appeared to be too small.

Vince Bucci/AFP/Getty Images

June 30, 1995 | Los Angeles

Simpson and defense attorney F. Lee Bailey consult with each other during the trial. At right is defense attorney Carl Douglas.

Reed Saxon/AP

Oct. 3, 1995 | Los Angeles

Simpson reacts as he is acquitted of murdering his ex-wife and Ron Goldman.

May 6, 2005 | Louisville,

Simpson arrives at a Kentucky Derby event.

Jeff Gentner/Getty Images

Sept. 30, 2005 | Northridge, Calif.

O.J. Simpson signs autographs at a horror convention at a movie theater.

Sept. 16, 2007 | Las Vegas

Simpson at the Las Vegas police. He was arrested for leading men into a room at a hotel, where they were robbed of memorabilia that Simpson said belonged to him. He would be sentenced to 33 years in prison and serve nine.

John Locher/Associated Press

Oct. 3, 2008 | Las Vegas

Simpson arrives for the verdict in his kidnapping and robbery trial.

POOL New/Reuters

May 17, 2013 | Las Vegas

Simpson in court in 2013.

Oct. 31, 2021 | Orchard Park, N.Y.

Simpson poses with fans at a Bills-Dolphins game.

Jeffrey T. Barnes/AP

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How Tesla Planted the Seeds for Its Own Potential Downfall

Elon musk’s factory in china saved his company and made him ultrarich. now, it may backfire..

This transcript was created using speech recognition software. While it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it may contain errors. Please review the episode audio before quoting from this transcript and email [email protected] with any questions.

From “The New York Times,” I’m Katrin Bennhold. This is “The Daily.”

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Today, the story of how China gave Tesla a lifeline that saved the company — and how that lifeline has now given China the tools to beat Tesla at its own game. My colleague, Mara Hvistendahl, explains.

It’s Tuesday, April 9.

So, Mara, you’ve spent the past four months investigating Elon Musk and his ties to China through his company, Tesla. Tell us why.

Well, a lot of American companies are heavily invested in China, but Tesla’s kind of special. As my colleagues and I started talking to sources, we realized that many people felt that China played a crucial role in rescuing the company at a critical moment when it was on the brink of failure and that China helps account for Tesla’s success, for making it the most valuable car company in the world today, and for making Elon Musk ultra rich.

That’s super intriguing. So maybe take us back to the beginning. When does the story start?

So the story starts in the mid 2010s. Tesla had been this company that had all this hype around it. But —

A lot of people were shocked by Tesla’s earnings report. Not only did they make a lot less money than expected, they’re also making a lot less cars.

Tesla was struggling.

The delivery of the Model 3 has been delayed yet again.

Tesla engineers are saying 40 percent of the parts made at the Fremont factory need reworking.

At the time, they made their cars in Fremont, California, and they were facing production delays.

Tesla is confirming that Cal/OSHA is investigating the company over concerns over workplace safety.

Elon Musk has instituted a kind of famously grueling work culture at the factory, and that did not go over well with California labor law.

The federal government now has four active investigations involving Tesla.

They were clashing with regulators.

The National Transportation Safety Board will investigate a second crash involving Tesla’s autopilot system.

Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk — friends are really concerned about him. That’s what Musk told “The New York Times.”

And by 2018, he was having all of these crises.

According to “The Times,” Musk choked up multiple times and struggled to maintain his composure during an hour-long interview about turmoil at his electric car company, Tesla.

So all of this kind of converged to put immense pressure on him to do something.

And where does China come in?

Well, setting up a factory in China, in a way, would solve some of these problems for Musk. Labor costs were lower. Workers couldn’t unionize there. China provided access to this steady supply of cheaper parts. So Elon Musk was set on going to China. But first, Tesla and Musk wanted to change a key policy in China.

Hmm, what kind of policy?

So they wanted China to adopt a policy that was aimed at lowering car emissions. And the idea was that it would be modeled after a similar policy in California that had benefited Tesla there.

OK, so explain what that policy actually did. And how did it benefit Tesla?

So California had this system called the Zero-Emission Vehicle program. And that was designed to encourage companies to make cleaner cars, including electric vehicles. And they did that by setting pollution targets. So companies that made a lot of clean cars got credits. And then companies that failed to meet those targets, that produced too many gas-guzzling cars, would have to buy credits from the cleaner companies.

So California is trying to incentivize companies to make cleaner cars by forcing the traditional carmakers to pay cleaner car makers, which basically means dirtier car makers are effectively subsidizing cleaner cars.

Yes, that’s right. And Tesla, as a company that came along just making EVs, profited immensely from this system. And in its early years, when Tesla was really struggling to stay afloat, the money that it earned from selling credits in California to polluting car companies were absolutely crucial, so much so that the company structured a lot of its lobbying efforts around this system, around preserving these credits. And we talked to a former regulator who said as much.

How much money are we talking about here?

So from 2008, when Tesla unveiled its first car, up until the end of last year, Tesla made almost $4 billion by selling credits in California.

Wow. So Musk basically wants China to recreate this California-style program, which was incredibly lucrative for Tesla, there. And they’re basically holding that up as a condition to their building a factory in China.

Right. And at this point in the story, an interesting alliance emerges. Because it wasn’t just Tesla that wanted this emissions program in China. It was also environmentalists from California who had seen the success of the program up close in their own state.

If you go back to that period, to the early 2010s, I was living in China at the time in Beijing and Shanghai. And it was incredibly polluted. We called it airpocalypse at times. I had my first child in China at that point. And as soon as it was safe to put a baby mask on her, we put a little baby mask on her. There were days where people just would try to avoid going outside because it was so polluted. And some of the pollution was actually wafting across the Pacific Ocean to California.

Wow, so California is experiencing that Chinese air pollution firsthand and, in a way, has a direct stake in lowering it.

That’s right. So Governor Jerry Brown, for example — this became kind of his signature issue, was working with China to clean up the environment, in part by exporting this emission scheme. It was also an era of a lot more US-China cooperation. China was seen as absolutely crucial to combating climate change.

So you had all these groups working to get this California emissions scheme exported to China — and the governor’s office and environmental groups and Tesla. And it worked. In 2017, China did adopt a system that was modeled after California’s.

It’s pretty incredible. So California basically exports its emissions-trading system to China, which I imagine at the time was a big win for Californian environmentalists. But it was also a big win for Tesla.

It was definitely a big win for Tesla. And we know that in just a few years Tesla, made almost $1 billion from the emissions-trading program he helped lobby for in China.

So Elon Musk goes on, builds a factory in China. And he does so in Shanghai, where he builds a close relationship with the top official in the city, who actually is now the number-two official in all of China, Li Qiang.

So according to Chinese state media, Elon Musk actually proposed building the factory in two years, which would be fast. And Li came back and proposed that they do it in one year, which — things go up really quickly in China. But even for China, this is incredibly fast. And they broke ground on the factory in January 2019. And by the end of the year, cars were rolling off the line. So then in January 2020, Musk was able to get up on stage in Shanghai and unveil the first Chinese-made Teslas.

Really want to thank the Tesla team and the government officials that have been really helpful in making this happen.

Next to him on stage is Tesla’s top lobbyist who helped push through some of these changes.

Thank you. Yeah, everybody can tell Elon’s super, super happy today.

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

And she says —

Music, please.

Cue the music. [UPBEAT MUSIC]

And he actually broke into dance. He was so happy, a kind of awkward dance.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

And what is the factory like?

The Shanghai factory is huge. 20,000 people work there. Tesla’s factories around the world tend to be pretty large, but the Shanghai workers work more shifts. And when Tesla set up in China, Chinese banks ended up offering Tesla $1.5 billion in low-interest loans. They got a preferential tax rate in Shanghai.

This deal was so generous that one auto industry official we talked to said that a government minister had actually lamented that they were giving Tesla too much. And it is an incredibly productive factory. It’s now the flagship export factory for Tesla.

So it opens in late 2019. And that’s, of course, the time when the pandemic hits.

Yes. I mean, you might think that this is really poor timing for Elon Musk. But it didn’t quite turn out that way. In fact, Tesla’s factory in Shanghai was closed for only around two weeks, whereas the factory in Fremont was closed for around two months.

That’s a big difference.

Yes, and it really, really mattered to Elon Musk. If you can think back to 2020, you might recall that he was railing against California politicians for closing his factory. In China, the factory stayed open. Workers were working around the clock. And Elon Musk said on a podcast —

China rocks, in my opinion.

— China rocks.

There’s a lot of smart, hardworking people. And they’re not entitled. They’re not complacent, whereas I see —

We’ve seen a lot of momentum and enthusiasm for electric vehicles, stocks, and Tesla certainly leading the charge.

Tesla’s stock price kept going up.

Tesla has become just the fifth company to reach a trillion-dollar valuation. The massive valuation happened after Tesla’s stock price hit an all-time high of more than $1,000.

So this company that had just a few years earlier been on the brink of failure, looking to China for a lifeline, was suddenly riding high. And —

Tesla is now the most valuable car company in the world. It’s worth more than General Motors, Ford, Fiat, Chrysler.

By the summer, it had become the most valuable car company in the world.

Guess what? Elon Musk is now the world’s richest man.

“Forbes” says he’s worth more than $255 billion.

And Elon Musk’s wealth is tied up in Tesla stock. And in the following year, he became the wealthiest man in the world.

So you have this emission trading system, which we discussed and which, in part, thanks to Tesla, is now established in China. It’s bringing in money to Tesla. And now this Shanghai factory is continuing to produce cars for Tesla in the middle of the pandemic. So China really paid off for Tesla. But what was in it for China?

Well, China wasn’t doing this for charity.

What Chinese leaders really wanted was to turn their fledgling electric vehicle industry into a global powerhouse. And they figured that Tesla was the ticket to get there. And that’s precisely what happened.

We’ll be right back.

So, Mara, you’ve just told us the story of how Elon Musk used China to turn Tesla into the biggest car maker in the world and himself — at one point — into the richest man in the world. Now I want to understand the other side of this story. How did China use Tesla?

Well, Tesla basically became a catfish for China’s EV industry.

A catfish, what do you mean by that?

It’s a term from the business world. And, essentially, it means a super aggressive fish that makes the other fish in the pond swim faster. And by bringing in this super competitive, aggressive foreign company into China, which at that point had these fledgling EV companies, Chinese leaders hoped to spur the upstart Chinese EV makers to up their game.

So you’re saying that at this point, China actually already had a number of smaller EV companies, which many people in the West may not even be aware of, these smaller fish in the pond that you were referring to.

Yes, there were a lot of them. They were often locally based. Like, one would be strong in one city, and one would be strong in another city. And Chinese leaders saw that they needed to become more competitive in order to thrive.

And China had tried for decades to build up this traditional car industry by bringing in foreign companies to set up joint ventures. They had really had their sights set on building a strong car industry, and it didn’t really work. I mean, how many traditional Chinese car company brands can you name?

Exactly none.

Yeah, right. So going back to the aughts and the 2010s, they had this advantage that many Chinese hadn’t yet been hooked on gas-guzzling cars. There were still many people who were buying their first car ever. So officials had all these levers they could pull to try to encourage or try to push people’s behavior in a certain direction.

And their idea was to try to ensure that when people went to buy their first car, it would be an EV — and not just an EV but, hopefully, a Chinese EV. So they did things like — at the time, just a license plate for your car could cost an exorbitant amount of money and be difficult to get. And so they made license plates for electric vehicles free. So there were all these preferential policies that were unveiled to nudge people toward buying EVs.

So that’s fascinating. So China is incentivizing consumers to buy EV cars and incentivizing also the whole industry to get its act together by chucking this big American company in the mix and hoping that it will increase competitiveness. What I’m particularly struck by, Mara, in what you said is the concept of leapfrogging over the conventional combustion engine phase, which took us decades to live through. We’re still living in it, in many ways, in the West.

But listening to you, it sounds a little bit like China wasn’t really thinking about this transition to EVs as an environmental policy. It sounds like they were doing this more from an industrial-policy perspective.

Right. The environment and the horrible era at the time was a factor, but it was a pretty minor factor, according to people who were privy to the policy discussions. The more significant factor was industrial policy and an interest in building up a competitive sphere.

So China now wants to become a leader in the global EV sector, and it wants to use Tesla to get there. What does that actually look like?

Well, you need sophisticated suppliers to make the component parts of electric vehicles. And just by being in China, Tesla helped spur the development of several suppliers. Like, for example, the battery is a crucial piece of any EV.

And Tesla, with a fair amount of encouragement — and also various levers from the Chinese government — became a customer of a battery maker called CATL, a homegrown Chinese battery maker. And they have become very close to Tesla and have even set up a factory near Teslas in Shanghai. And today, with Tesla’s business — and, of course, with the business of some other companies — CATL is the biggest battery maker in the world.

But beyond just stimulating the growth of suppliers, Tesla also made these other fish in the pond swim faster. And the biggest Chinese EV company to come out of that period is one called BYD. It’s short for Build Your Dreams.

We are BYD. You’ve probably never heard of us.

From battery maker to the biggest electric vehicle or EV manufacturer in China.

They’ve got a lot of models. They’ve got a lot of discounts. They’ve got a lot of market growth.

China’s biggest EV maker just overtook Tesla in terms of worldwide sales.

BYD 10, Chinese automobile redefined.

I’ve actually started seeing that brand on the streets here in Europe recently, especially in Germany, where my brother actually used to lease a Tesla and now leases a BYD.

Does he like it?

He does. Although he did, to be fair, say that he misses the luxury of the Tesla, but it just became too expensive, really.

The price point is a huge reason that BYD is increasingly giving Tesla a run for its money. Years ago, back in 2011 —

Although there’s competitors now ramping up. And, as you’re familiar with, BYD, which is also —

— Elon Musk actually mocked their cars.

— electric vehicles, here he is trying to compete. Why do you laugh?

He asked an interviewer —

Have you seen their car?

I have seen their car, yes.

— have you seen their cars? Sort of suggesting, like, they’re no competition for us.

You don’t see them at all as a competitor?

Why is that? I mean, they offer a lower price point.

I don’t think they have a great product. I think their focus is — and rightly should be — on making sure they don’t die in China.

But they have been steadily improving. They’ve been in the EV space for a while, but they really started improving a few years ago, once Tesla came on the scene. That was due to a number of factors, not entirely because of Tesla. But Tesla played a role in helping train up talent in China. One former Tesla employee who worked at the company as they were getting set up in China told me that most of the employees who were at the company at the time now work for Chinese competitors.

So they have really played this important role in the EV ecosystem.

And you mentioned the price advantage. So just for comparison, what does an average BYD sell for compared to a more affordable Tesla car?

So BYD has an ultra-cheap model called the Seagull that sells for around $10,000 now in China, whereas Tesla Model 3s and Model Ys in China sell for more than twice that.

Wow. How’s BYD able to sell EVs at these much lower prices?

Well, the Seagull is really just a simpler car. It has less range than a Tesla. It lacks some safety measures. But BYD has this other crucial advantage, which is that they’re vertically integrated. Like, they control many aspects of the supply chain, up and down the supply chain. When you look at the battery level, they make batteries. But they even own the mines where lithium is mined for the batteries.

And they recently launched a fleet of ships. So they actually operate the boats that are sending their cars to Europe or other parts of the world.

So BYD is basically cutting out the middleman on all these aspects of the supply chain, and that’s how they can undercut other car makers on price.

Yeah. They’ve cut out the middleman, and they’ve cut out the shipping company and almost everything else.

So how is BYD doing now as a company compared to Tesla?

In terms of market cap, they’re still much smaller than Tesla. But, crucially, they overtook Tesla in sales in the last quarter of last year.

Yeah, that was a huge milestone. Tesla still dominates in the European market, which is a very important market for EVs. But BYD is starting to export there. And Europe traditionally is kind of automotive powerhouse, and the companies and government officials there are very, very concerned. I interviewed the French finance minister, and he told me that China has a five - to seven-year head start on Europe when it comes to EVs.

Wow. And what has Elon Musk said about this incredible rise of BYD in recent years? Do you think he anticipated that Tesla’s entry into the Chinese market could end up building up its own competition?

Well, I can’t get inside his head, and he did not respond to our questions. But —

The Chinese car companies are the most competitive car companies in the world.

— he has certainly changed his tune. So, remember, he was joking about BYD some years ago.

Yeah, he’s not joking anymore.

I think they will have significant success.

He had dismissed Chinese EV makers. He now appears increasingly concerned about these new competitors —

Frankly, I think if there are not trade barriers established, they will pretty much demolish most other car companies in the world.

— to the point that on an earnings call in January, he all but endorsed the use of trade barriers against them.

They’re extremely good.

I think it’s so interesting, in a way — of course, with perfect hindsight — the kind of maybe complacency or naivete with which he may not have anticipated this turn of events. And in some ways, he’s not alone, right? It speaks to something larger. Like, China, for a long time, was seen as kind of the sweatshop or the manufacturer of the world — or perhaps as an export market for a lot of these Western companies. It certainly wasn’t putting out its own big brand names. It was making stuff for the brand names.

But recently, they have quite a lot of their own brand names. Everybody talks about TikTok. There’s Huawei. There’s WeChat, Lenovo. And now there is BYD. So China is becoming a leader in technology in certain areas. And I think that shift in some ways has happened. And a lot of Western companies — perhaps like Tesla — were kind of late to waking up to that.

Right. Tesla is looking fragile now. Their stock price dropped 30 percent in the first quarter of this year. And to a large degree, that is because of the threat of companies like BYD from China and the perception that Tesla’s position as number one in the market is no longer guaranteed.

So, Mara, all this raises a much bigger question for me, which is, who is going to own the future of EVs? And based on everything you’ve said so far, it seems like China owns the future of EVs. Is that right?

Well, possibly, but the jury is still out. Tesla is still far bigger for now. But there is this increasing fear that China owns the future of EVs. If you look at the US, there are already 25 percent tariffs on EVs from China. There’s talk of increasing them. The Commerce Department recently launched an investigation into data collection by electric vehicles from China.

So all of these factors are creating uncertainty around what could happen. And the European Union may also add new tariffs against Chinese-made cars. And China is an economic rival and a security rival and, in many ways, our main adversary. So this whole issue is intertwined with national security. And Tesla is really in the middle of it.

Right. So the sort of new Cold War that people are talking about between the US and China is, in a sense, the backdrop to this story. But on one level, what we’ve been talking about, it’s really a corporate story, an economic story that has this geopolitical backdrop. But it’s also very much an environmental story. So, regardless of how Elon Musk and Tesla fare in the end, is BYD’s rise and its ability to create high-quality and — perhaps more importantly — affordable EVs ultimately a good thing for the world?

If I think back on those years I spent living in Shanghai and Beijing when it was extremely polluted and there were days when you couldn’t go outside — I don’t think anyone wants to go back to that.

So it’s clear that EVs are the future and that they’re crucial to the green energy transition that we have to make. How exactly we get there is still unclear. But what is true is that China did just make that transition easier.

Mara, thank you so much.

Thank you, Katrin.

Here’s what else you need to know today.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Millions of people across North America were waiting for their turn to experience a rare event on Monday. From Mexico —

Cuatro, tres, dos, uno.

— to Texas.

Awesome, just awesome.

We can see the corona really well. Oh, you can see —

[BACKGROUND CHATTER]

Oh, and we are falling into darkness right now. What an incredible sensation. And you are hearing and seeing the crowd of 15,000 gathered here in south Illinois.

Including “Daily” producers in New York.

It’s like the sky is almost —

— like a deep blue under the clouds.

Wait, look. It’s just —

Oh my god. The sun is disappearing. And it’s gone. Oh. Whoa.

All the way up to Canada.

Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. That’s what I’m talking about.

The moon glided in front of the sun and obscured it entirely in a total solar eclipse, momentarily plunging the day into darkness.

It’s super exciting. It’s so amazing to see science in action like this.

Today’s episode was produced by Rikki Novetsky and Mooj Zadie with help from Rachelle Bonja. It was edited by Lisa Chow with help from Alexandra Leigh Young, fact checked by Susan Lee, contains original music by Marion Lozano, Diane Wong, Elisheba Ittoop, and Sophia Lanman and was engineered by Chris Wood.

Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsverk of Wonderly.

That’s it for “The Daily.” I’m catching Katrin Bennhold. See you tomorrow.

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• April 3, 2024   •   27:42 The Accidental Tax Cutter in Chief
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Hosted by Katrin Bennhold

Featuring Mara Hvistendahl

Produced by Rikki Novetsky and Mooj Zadie

With Rachelle Bonja

Edited by Lisa Chow and Alexandra Leigh Young

Original music by Marion Lozano ,  Diane Wong ,  Elisheba Ittoop and Sophia Lanman

Engineered by Chris Wood

Listen and follow The Daily Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music

When Elon Musk set up Tesla’s factory in China, he made a bet that brought him cheap parts and capable workers — a bet that made him ultrarich and saved his company.

Mara Hvistendahl, an investigative reporter for The Times, explains why, now, that lifeline may have given China the tools to beat Tesla at its own game.

On today’s episode

Mara Hvistendahl , an investigative reporter for The New York Times.

Background reading

A pivot to China saved Elon Musk. It also bound him to Beijing .

Mr. Musk helped create the Chinese electric vehicle industry. But he is now facing challenges there as well as scrutiny in the West over his reliance on China.

There are a lot of ways to listen to The Daily. Here’s how.

We aim to make transcripts available the next workday after an episode’s publication. You can find them at the top of the page.

Fact-checking by Susan Lee .

The Daily is made by Rachel Quester, Lynsea Garrison, Clare Toeniskoetter, Paige Cowett, Michael Simon Johnson, Brad Fisher, Chris Wood, Jessica Cheung, Stella Tan, Alexandra Leigh Young, Lisa Chow, Eric Krupke, Marc Georges, Luke Vander Ploeg, M.J. Davis Lin, Dan Powell, Sydney Harper, Mike Benoist, Liz O. Baylen, Asthaa Chaturvedi, Rachelle Bonja, Diana Nguyen, Marion Lozano, Corey Schreppel, Rob Szypko, Elisheba Ittoop, Mooj Zadie, Patricia Willens, Rowan Niemisto, Jody Becker, Rikki Novetsky, John Ketchum, Nina Feldman, Will Reid, Carlos Prieto, Ben Calhoun, Susan Lee, Lexie Diao, Mary Wilson, Alex Stern, Dan Farrell, Sophia Lanman, Shannon Lin, Diane Wong, Devon Taylor, Alyssa Moxley, Summer Thomad, Olivia Natt, Daniel Ramirez and Brendan Klinkenberg.

Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsverk of Wonderly. Special thanks to Sam Dolnick, Paula Szuchman, Lisa Tobin, Larissa Anderson, Julia Simon, Sofia Milan, Mahima Chablani, Elizabeth Davis-Moorer, Jeffrey Miranda, Renan Borelli, Maddy Masiello, Isabella Anderson and Nina Lassam.

Katrin Bennhold is the Berlin bureau chief. A former Nieman fellow at Harvard University, she previously reported from London and Paris, covering a range of topics from the rise of populism to gender. More about Katrin Bennhold

Mara Hvistendahl is an investigative reporter for The Times focused on Asia. More about Mara Hvistendahl

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