how to make a personal history essay

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How to Write a Personal History

Last Updated: December 28, 2023 Approved

This article was co-authored by Pete Canalichio . Pete Canalichio is a Brand Strategist, Licensing Expert, and Founder of BrandAlive. With nearly 30 years of experience at companies such as Coca-Cola and Newell Brands, he specializes in helping brands find the most authentic parts of their story to build a brand strategy. Pete holds an MBA from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and a BS in Physics from the United States Naval Academy. In 2006, he won an MVP Award from Newell Brands for his contributions to their Global Licensing department. He’s also penned the award-winning book, Expand, Grow, Thrive. There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, 90% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 177,458 times.

Writing your personal history is something that you may do either as part of an application or as a literary endeavor. In a personal statement for an application, you will need to provide information about history that proves you have the knowledge and experience necessary to perform certain tasks. A personal history, written for your own enjoyment or for publication, will relate your life’s story, requiring some research and a much larger time commitment. With some preparation and a little time management, you will be able to write a strong personal history that will impress an application committee or entertain readers.

Writing a Personal Statement for an Application

• For example, if you are applying to get into medical school and a graduate program in English somewhere else, you will want to avoid spending a lot of time highlighting your extensive medical knowledge in the English application or your remarkable writing skills in the medical school application. Although a review committee might be impressed that you have such diverse interests, they also want to make sure that you have the requisite knowledge to be in the program.

• However, this does not mean that your statement should be formulaic or bland. Follow the guidelines, but give your readers something exciting or memorable to take away from your letter.
• In general medical and law schools ask for a more open-ended personal statement. One the other hand, business and graduate schools tend to ask specific questions. However, each application is different and has it owns guidelines, so be sure to follow those.

• Avoid going off on tangents. Consider whether or not a certain topic fits in your overall theme. If it does not, do not include it.

• Briefly introduce yourself and then provide the framework that the rest of the essay will follow. Allude to things you will discuss later, but do not give it all away.
• Avoid clichés like “my names is Steve and I’m applying to join your program” or “Allow me to introduce myself…”

• For example, if you are applying for medical school, list any experience you have volunteering in a clinic or specific pre-med courses that you found particularly interesting.
• If you are applying for graduate school, be sure to discuss any relevant scholars you like or books you find particularly interesting.

• Avoid clichés like “thank you for taking the time to consider my application” or “It is my sincere hope that you will grant me the opportunity to attend your school.”

• You can also ask someone else to proofread your essay for you. It is often hard for most people to adequately proofread their own writing, so finding someone to read your statement will likely make it better.

Creating Your Own Personal History

• Some examples of important documents might be your birth certificate, photographs or videos of you, correspondence (letters and emails) with other people, and old social media posts.

• Many cellphones have a recording function that will help you save your interviews.

• Try creating a spreadsheet that lists all of the sources that you would like to use. This will help you find them quickly and not lose them.

• You can organize your story thematically to emphasize important interests or life lessons. For example, if you want to highlight your skills as an athlete, you may only mention the life events that are relevant to that subject.
• You can also chronologically format your history to tell a sequential story. Start with the earliest relevant event and move forward in time from there.
• Ultimately, it is up to you how you organize your story, find a style that makes sense and tells your history.

• Try setting a timer for 45 minutes and write until it goes off. Then, take a 15 minute break and start writing again once those 15 minutes are up. Repeat this process as long as you feel fresh and engaged in your writing.
• Find a writing schedule that works best for you.

• If you are publishing your personal history, you will have to work with an editor to get your manuscript ready for publishing. In this circumstance, the editor’s comments often need to be addressed in the manuscript.

Developing Good Writing Habits

• A journal might be useful for freewriting. It will allow you to jot ideas down if you are on the go.

• Keep your documents in a digital spreadsheet for quick reference. You could also organize them in folders if that is more convenient.

• Consider sharing your outline or timeline with someone who you believe will give you good feedback.

• Avoid loud and busy spaces. These can be audibly and visibly distracting. Although it might be cool to work in a coffee shop, it is not an ideal place to write.

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Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you'd like to learn more about writing a personal history, check out our in-depth interview with Pete Canalichio .

• ↑ https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/owlprint/642/
• ↑ http://www.williamcronon.net/researching/documents.htm
• ↑ https://terpconnect.umd.edu/~jklumpp/comm712/narrative.html
• ↑ https://www.inc.com/glenn-leibowitz/8-simple-writing-strategies-that-helped-stephen-king-sell-350-million-books.html
• ↑ http://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/authors/pw-select/article/59767-why-all-self-publishers-need-a-good-editor.html
• ↑ https://www.grinnell.edu/sites/default/files/documents/Writing-Personal-Statements-for-Scholarship-Applications.pdf
• ↑ http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/outline.html
• ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-stick-to-a-writing-schedule-1653234644

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Writing your Personal History

The hard way.

For some of us, sitting down and finishing a comprehensive personal history can be quite difficult. Notice that I said finish and not begin because it seems like we’re all very good at beginning things, but it’s the finishing that makes the difference.

Well, here’s a way to write that personal history and finish it bit by bit. Believe it or not, you’ll end up with a better history.

The Better Way to Write a Personal History

Instead of starting out chronologically stating your life events (year by year that is), try compiling stories by topic. If you write your history year by year, it can take forever to finish and you’ll probably be bugged thinking that you’ve left something out.

The problem with writing your history starting from when you were born until the present is that your history usually becomes more of a list of things that happened in your life with short paragraphs explaining important events.

Those events probably merit more than just a paragraph or two, but when you’re putting it together year by year, your history starts to get long, and you feel content with simply listing what happened.

Concentrated Content

On the other hand, you can write separate documents about major events, beliefs, and experiences you’ve had. You’ll feel like going into much more detail about your experiences and impressions when you dedicate a single document to the experience. For instance, write about the places you’ve lived and describe how those places have influenced your life today.

Your readers will get much more out of that than a simple line in a chronological history that states you lived in one place one year and a different place the next. Best of all, you’ll have more fun writing and get much more on paper!

Write about your favorite television shows and how they’ve impacted how you think (or how you don’t think, either way). Chart your views on religion, politics, love, etc. There’s so much more you can write about.

Creating the Documents

Create a separate document on your computer for each mini-history you create. You could use a naming convention: “Personal History by <your name> – <topic you’re writing about>”. Also, make sure you save the document in a format that will preserve your work such as a PDF. Add pictures to your document, and go into detail about your thoughts, feelings, what you’ve learned, and how the topic has help make you who you are. Too often, our personal histories end up being lists of events. Let’s go a little deeper than that.

What to Write About

Write a separate page or two about your favorite topics. Here’s a list of ideas of what you can write about:

• Places you’ve lived
• Influential individuals from your childhood
• Favorite vacations
• Jobs you’ve had
• Thoughts on politics
• Political views
• Religious views
• Top 5 favorite movies
• Civic and community service rendered
• Things you like to collect
• Write about your spouse
• Your hopes and dreams and how they have changed over the years
• The automobiles you’ve had or transportation you’ve used.
• Create a list of places that you’ve visited and when visited.
• Your favorite hobbies
• What do you like to shop for
• Your impressions of the times, wars, developments, etc.
• Collections of writings or poems that you’ve created
• Listing of certificates and accomplishments
• Favorite restaurants
• Favorite music
• Operations you’ve had (not the most fun, but interesting)
• The top 3 most difficult things you’ve ever done or had to go through
• Memberships in clubs or churches
• Write about your siblings and other relatives, (they’re children may not be as lucky as yours. They may not have written memories of their parents’ youth)
• Gardens you’ve grown
• Favorite foods
• Games you like to play and why they’re fun
• Favorite recipes (some families like to hand down recipes). Wouldn’t it be fun if your descendants knew which ones were your favorite and you left the recipes for them?
• Your favorite time of year
• Sports that you’ve played throughout your life
• Pets you’ve had
• Weather phenomenon you’ve seen or experienced.
• Technological advances you’ve seen in your day
• Spiritual experiences you’ve had
• Favorite toys you’ve had
• Thoughts on raising children
• Education achieved
• Activities you’ve participated in
• Favorite books

Personal History Template Documents

We’ve created twenty simple templates related to some of our favorite topics listed above. Feel free to download the documents to help you get started on your personal history. To download the templates, click here .

Writing in a Physical Journal

You may find it easier to write your history in a physical journal. Physically writing your journal can be a great way to create an heirloom to be handed down in your family.

Each of the subjects mentioned above (or others that you think of) that you write about become your history and can be compiled into one big history someday.

In the meantime, you’ve created stories and insights that can be easily shared rather than one big project that you know you should work on someday but never finish, so give it a try, and get started today even if it’s just a small entry, it’ll be worth it.

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How to Write a Personal History

Have you been thinking about writing down your life story? In this post, learn about different styles, what to consider, and how to write your personal history.

A few years ago, I started a local writer’s group with a friend. During our first meeting, we took turns introducing ourselves and told the group the type of writing that we were currently working on and what we hoped to eventually write.

Overwhelmingly, our writer’s group was full of aspiring personal-history writers. It is a very popular idea, yet many people get stuck before they even write their first sentence.

My goal with this article to help you think about why it is important to you to document your personal history and inspire you to finally get started. Your story is important, and it needs to be told to the world.

Why is a Personal History Important

It is important for individual members of our civilization to write their own personal history in order to add their voice to the historical record of our time. On an individual level, writing one’s life story can be a fulfilling activity, providing an opportunity to see how we were able to overcome the obstacles and challenges that we faced.

The finished product, which is the document that we create through the process of writing our personal history, can be useful in the future for genealogy, treasured by our family members and friends, and used by historians decades or centuries from now to understand more about what life was like during our time.

What is most important to understand about the importance of documenting our own story is that when we write our own story, we get to control the narrative. We decide what is important to include and which details to leave out.

Most of us will not have stories written about us after we are gone. Even those individuals who have been notable in this life to a point to inspire someone to write a story about them will almost certainly take issue with the way that their life story is told.

So, why not write our own life story to leave for the future? There is no one more capable of telling your story than you .

Different types and styles of personal histories

There are different types of personal histories that anyone can create. They range from a handwritten document in the style of a journal to a complete autobiography or memoir bound and published in hardcover.

A simple life story can be written in Microsoft Word on a laptop and it can be as short as a few pages. Those who are feeling more inspired can write a lengthy memoir, which is more similar to a novel, or even a detailed autobiography that is hundreds of pages long.

What you decide to create is up to you. You are the author of your life and the story that you will write.

How to Write a Personal History About Yourself

There is no correct way to write your own personal history about yourself, but there are some important aspects to consider before you get started.

Decide your goals

One of the first things that you should think about before you decide which type of family history you will write is why you want to write your story. There are many reasons that people want to write their personal history:

• To write and sell a book
• To help others
• To explain their story to their immediate family members
• To document their story for future descendants, historians, and genealogists
• As a creative or cathartic release
• To build a writing career
• To leave as a gift for your family

As you know from the previous section, there is a wide variety of types of personal histories. The list of reasons that people want to write their story is even longer.

Before you get started, spend a bit of time thinking about why you want to write your history and what you hope will happen to it. Will it be published in a book or on a website somewhere, or will it sit in a manila envelope in your file cabinet?

The answer to this question will help you choose your style and method, as well as help you decide exactly how to tell your story.

Some people wonder when they should write their life story. Is it okay to write a story about your life when you are young, or should you wait until you are older and can tell a more complete story?

The answer to this question is in your goals for writing your story. If you are young and feel like you can tell a story today that can motivate, inspire, encourage, or heal, then you should write your story today.

Another great reason to start writing today, no matter your age, is that you will be able to document your life so far and add to it later.

Consider your family history

Many people don’t realize that their family history has influenced their personal journey. However, if you take the time to think about it, you will probably notice how your ancestors’ decisions affected your life even generations into the future.

Depending on the reasons that you are writing your personal history, you might want to include stories or details explaining how you came to live where you do, and how the people in your family tree helped shape the life that you have lived.

Think about who has been influential in your life

Almost everyone has a few people who were major influences, both positive and negative, in their life. When planning how you will write your story, you can think about who these people were in your own life and how you might illustrate their influence for your readers.

For many of us, an influential person might be a parent, grandparent, or other close relative. Other people may have had a very close relationship with a professional or academic mentor who helped guide them to their future goals.

Including details about how these influential people affected the decisions we made in our lives will help bring a greater understanding to future generations who might otherwise be left wondering. It is also a great way to pay tribute to those people who helped guide us in positive ways.

Choose which major life events or stories you would like to highlight

My great-grandfather wrote a lovely life history that began with his childhood and ended with details about the great-grandchildren that were born at the time of the writing of his history. Of course, this means that he did not go into very much detail about most events in his life.

I have found his story, and those written by other ancestors and relatives, to be very helpful in genealogy research . I’m grateful for their efforts, regardless of what they decided to include.

When considering your life story, decide whether you would like your history to be an overview of your entire life as you view it, or whether you would like to focus on some of the experiences that you have had that you feel are most important to document.

Naturally, with either of these options, you could always include a little bit of the other. For example, a “life overview” could include a bit of detail on a few events and a story about your important events could include an introduction or interspersed chapters with background details.

Begin your history with an exciting story

No matter who we anticipate our future readers might be (our children or grandchildren, or strangers), we want them to read our story from start to finish. Otherwise, why would we bother writing it?

This means that we must start our story in a way that catches our reader’s attention and keeps them interested in what we have to say. If we do a good job with this, we are likely to hold their attention throughout the entirety of our personal history.

The best way to start a story is by beginning with an exciting event that the reader will be sure to want to hear about. Sometimes, a great personal history begins with the start of an exciting story and tells bits and pieces of that story throughout, holding the reader’s attention until the very end.

One of the best personal histories that I have read in the past few years was written by a member of an R&B band that was famous during the 1970s – they even performed on Soul Train! He began his story with the description of an event that left the reader needing to learn more about.

The chapters of his book included background events and details of his life. Occasionally, there were important events that moved the first story forward.

The final chapter of his personal story was a “resolution” of that first story that he told to open the book. My friend’s particular story was sad, so I was not left feeling that there was a happy ending, but I was very impressed with how he was able to keep the reader’s attention throughout the entire book by holding back the resolution to that first story.

Don’t worry about telling stories in order

When we are writing our personal history, we can write it in any order that we want. This means that we can start with the present and discuss how events from the past are important today.

Or, we can mix-match stories from the past and present in any order that we want. It is our story, after all.

The only thing that we should take into consideration is that we want to tell the story in a way that is interesting to the reader and does not confuse them. If we do jump around, we should make sure that we include enough details and explanation to help our reader follow the story.

Leave anything out of the story that you want to

Our life story belongs to us and no one else, and it is not a confessional. We do not need to include details or stories that are embarrassing or uncomfortable to talk about, unless we specifically want to include those things.

In addition, it is important to note that we should not include these types of details about other people – especially living people – if we believe that we could cause harm or embarrassment to them. Our life story is about us, and not necessarily about anyone else.

Use descriptive words and details about places and events

During your writing, there is a good chance that you will be detailing people, places, and events that no one else will write about – ever. Your personal history is great opportunity to write describe your story in a visual way in order to provide the only documentation that will exist for the stories that you will tell.

You have the freedom and liberty of artistic expression to write your story in a way that will help your reader see and experience your story just as you remember it.

I truly hope that this post has helped you understand what you should take into account when considering how to write your persona history. In addition, I hope you are inspired to get started writing!

There is no better person to write your history than you, and so if this is something that you have been thinking about doing for a while, there is no better time to start than now.

If you have any questions about something that you have read in this post, or if you would like to include some of your own ideas and suggestions for writing your personal history, I would love for you to include them in the discussion below.

Thanks for reading today!

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Monday 2nd of May 2022

I have written my personal history and had it bound into a book for my family members. I was told I had cancer and had, at best, 3 to 5 years left to live. That was the motivation I needed to get busy writing my story, not for my sake, but for my children and grand children. I must say that it was the best theraputic activity I could have undertaken! I told my story in chronological order; breaking my timeline into sections according to major events in my life. I followed each section with stories of events which I wanted to pass on. A suggestion I received from someone else was to include a 'lesson learned' after each story. Every event should teach us something about ourselves or about life. I felt that suggestion was a valuable addition to my story and I want to pass that on. The second bit of advice I received, which has proven valuable to me, is to edit, edit, edit! I rushed my document a little too much because of a feared deadline: The printed result has numerous errors which I have since corrected. May of those mistakes were simple grammatical errors; others were detail changes. In addition to my story, I included a paper-trail of my life which included such things as awards received, school transcripts, diplomas, marriage certificate, baptism certificate and so on. I have written poetry for nearly 50 years and included a collection of my poems as an appendix. Writing a personal history has now become a 'soapbox' for me and I love trying to inspire others to consider doing the same. I appreciate your post and the effort you are making to inspire others as well. Keep up the good work! By the way, my cancer ordeal was in 2015 and I'm still going strong and still trying to get others to consider writing their stories.

How to Write a Personal Life History Essay

Christopher cascio, 26 sep 2017.

To write a personal history essay is to write a personal narrative, and to make your essay engaging and effective you'll need to treat it as more of a story than an academic paper. You still need to plan your thesis -- or theme -- and brainstorm ideas, and you'll need to revise and edit this essay just like any other. However, you will use narrative examples to communicate every one of your ideas.

Explore this article

• Start with Significance
• Let Scenes Do the Work
• Engage the Senses
• Conclude the Same Way You Open

1 Start with Significance

You need to grab the readers with your opening, and at the same time introduce them to the theme of your story. Instead of opening with information about when and where you were born, or telling readers about the general nature of your childhood, open with a scene that shows it. For example, if your theme is that your life has always been rough, you could open with the scene of how your mother couldn't even get to the hospital to give birth to you, that she had you right there on the bathroom floor. Furthermore, opening with a scene immerses readers in the world of your story, as opposed to just reading information.

2 Let Scenes Do the Work

Just like with your opening, you want to write scenes whenever possible throughout the essay. You can introduce topics as a way to transition from idea to idea, but scenes keep readers engaged with the story and help them forget that they're reading an essay. Furthermore, scenes allow your readers to witness the events of your life, and thereby make judgments about what they read, as opposed to you telling them how they're supposed to feel. This technique is called showing instead of telling, and is a crucial technique for effective storytelling. This is your life story; be a storyteller.

3 Engage the Senses

You need to provide details when writing scenes -- or writing any type of narrative example -- and details that appeal to the senses are always effective. Provide descriptions of how characters and objects look and smell. Describe the textures of surfaces and the sounds they make when things scrape across them. Essential details, those that express the nature of something, are details you should show instead. For example, if you want readers to understand that your brother is a thief, don't just state it; show him stealing something and describe the act with vivid, sensory details.

4 Conclude the Same Way You Open

You opened with a scene that was relevant to your theme, and you should close the essay in the same way. Using a scene to communicate your theme in this way relieves you of the burden of having to restate your thesis, which will draw your readers out of the story and into the mindset that they're being told how they should feel after reading your essay. Trust the scene to do the work once again, but you also have another job to accomplish with your closing: you need to show that you've changed, that you learned something significant and can apply that knowledge looking forward. So, if your theme has been that your life has been rough, your final scene could show how you now understand that a rough life was necessary for you to grow and become who you are, and who you will become.

• 1 Writing-World: Components of a Good Opening Scene; Joseph Bates
• 2 Wright State University: Creative Writing 101: Show vs. Tell; R. Michael Burns
• 3 Writer's Digest: Create Powerful Imagery In Your Writing

About the Author

Christopher Cascio is a memoirist and holds a Master of Fine Arts in creative writing and literature from Southampton Arts at Stony Brook Southampton, and a Bachelor of Arts in English with an emphasis in the rhetoric of fiction from Pennsylvania State University. His literary work has appeared in "The Southampton Review," "Feathertale," "Kalliope" and "The Rose and Thorn Journal."

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The biggest assessment task you will be required to complete is a written research essay which develops an argument and uses a range of sources.

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A History essay is a structured argument that provides historical evidence to substantiate its points. 

To achieve the correct structure for your argument, it is crucial to understand the separate parts that make up a written essay. 

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How to Write a Strong Personal Statement for Graduate School

• by Heidi Kerr and Paul David Terry
• November 10, 2020

You’ve made the exciting decision to pursue a graduate degree. Congratulations! There are a wide range of graduate programs to explore , and once you’ve selected the right program for you, it’s time to begin the graduate application process. 

The statement of purpose and personal history statement are key components of the UC Davis graduate school application . With fewer than 4,000 characters allowed for each essay, these statements can seem particularly daunting. However, each one has a specific purpose for showcasing your academic journey and creating a holistic application.

Below, we’ve analyzed the differences between the statement of purpose and personal history statement and provided tips for writing these graduate school admissions essays. 

Statement of Purpose and Personal History: What’s the Difference?

The statement of purpose shares your academic objectives with the admissions committee and explains why you want to obtain a graduate degree. The personal history statement provides background about who you are and how your experiences have shaped your interests and ability to overcome challenges. Each essay has specific goals to showcase your experience, passion and story. 

How to Write a Strong Statement of Purpose

The statement of purpose should highlight your academic preparation , motivation and interests, along with any specializations and career goals that contribute to your program of study. As you write your statement of purpose, it should encompass some of the following:

• Academic and research experiences - Include any relevant academic studies or research pursuits, internships or employment, presentations, publications, teaching, and travel or study abroad experiences that prepare you for this graduate program. Explain your motivation or passion for these experiences and how they can enrich your graduate study.
• Interests, specializations, and career goals - Highlight your research interests, disciplinary subfields, area(s) of specialization, and professional objectives.
• Fit - Explain how your preparation, experiences, and interests match the specific resources and characteristics of your graduate program at UC Davis. Identify specific faculty within your desired graduate program with whom you would like to work and how their interests match your own.

The statement of purpose should also address why you want to pursue the particular graduate degree program at the university and what your goals are in pursuing a degree. Remember, the statement of purpose should explain exactly that, your purpose for becoming a graduate student. This is the primary way it stands apart from your personal history statement. 

What to Include in Your Personal History Statement

The personal history statement helps the reader learn more about you as an individual and potential graduate student. Use this opportunity to describe how your personal background informs your decision to pursue a graduate degree. Tell a story that  includes any experiences, challenges or opportunities relevant to your academic journey. Consider how your life experiences contribute to the social, intellectual, or cultural diversity within a campus community and your chosen field.

A strong personal history statement begins with an authentic voice and personal narrative. This can reflect your journey to graduate school, any obstacles you’ve encountered, and how you've overcome challenges. Talk about your personal goals and dreams. Explain what motivates and drives you toward this degree. The more your personal statement tells your school about you as an individual, the more it will stand out. Don't write something to impress someone else. This includes language, style and tone. Authenticity is important and resonates well. Tell the truth, in your voice, from your perspective. Use your story to connect.

More Tips and Resources for Applying to Graduate School

Applying to graduate school may be daunting to some, but UC Davis has a variety of resources to help you create a strong graduate school application. Check out the Applying to Graduate School: A Guide and Handbook for ideas and worksheets on how to construct your essays. Or visit our Office of Educational Opportunity and Enrichment Services website for more graduate school prep resources. 

Paul David Terry is the assistant director of special interest and affinity networks and alumni diversity lead at the Cal Aggie Alumni Association. He oversees the UC Davis Health Improving OUTcomes blog and enjoys cycling and brewing ginger beer.

Heidi Kerr works as the content and media manager at UC Davis’ Graduate Studies. She has worked as a communications professional at multiple higher education institutions and is passionate about promoting student success.

The authors acknowledge current and former leaders from Pre-Graduate/Law Advising in Office of Educational Opportunity and Enrichment Services, especially Annalisa Teixeira, Ph.D. and Cloe Le Gall-Scoville, Ph.D., who granted us permission to reference Applying to Graduate School: A Guide and Workbook .

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Sample Personal History Statement

by Talha Omer, MBA, M.Eng., Harvard & Cornell Grad

In personal statement samples by field.

A personal history statement (PHS) provides an insight into your academic and professional endeavors. It should include your notable achievements as well as the challenges you have faced. The purpose of a PHS is to provide the admissions committee with a better understanding of your personality, your motivation, and how your prior experiences have prepared you for the future.

Here is a sample personal history statement of a student who applied to the anthropology program and got into several top schools like Columbia, Harvard, and Stanford.

Growing up in a family and society that strictly adhered to the traditional roles of a “proper conservative woman,” I have found pride in breaking free from these restrictive cultural expectations and in embracing my own identity and self-expression.

As the first female in my family to study arts, I remember feeling discouraged when, during a sixth-grade science class, I was lectured by my teacher on the importance of hard sciences and the perceived uselessness of arts. This came after she saw my notebook filled with a detailed sketch of the circulatory system of a frog. Her face betrayed her disdain. The muffled laughter of my classmates seemed to confirm her notions – as if to say that only the truly intelligent pursued careers in the hard sciences.

During my tenth-grade, my family pressured me to choose a science-based curriculum over one that focused on arts and humanities. But I refused to give in and instead found a way to combine my love of art with my disdain for science. When words failed me and I felt stifled by my circumstances, art became a reliable outlet for self-expression, full of vibrant colors and offering endless opportunities for creativity.

During my senior high school year, I finally took control of my own future and decided to study fine arts. This choice opened the doors to a whole new realm of possibilities, allowing me to pursue the future I had always dreamed of. In college, I approached my studies with a sense of exploration, as if I were an adventurer in uncharted territory. Each new topic and area of knowledge helped me to grow in objectivity, intellect, and wisdom.

My journey through the world of art and culture has been filled with magnificent pieces and spellbinding paintings, as well as the opportunity to learn about and appreciate the glorious civilizations that reached the pinnacle of trade, art, and culture. My coursework in the history of art piqued my interest in anthropology, and I was particularly fascinated by the ancient Egyptian civilization, whose artifacts, hieroglyphics, and art offered a window into its evolving languages, unique architecture, and transformative culture. Similarly, in Greek civilization, I discovered how art and politics intersected and shaped public opinion, and how philosophy and politics were intertwined.

Art is often thought of as an individual expression, but when considered as a collection, it can have a powerful impact on society. I am fascinated by the relationship between the arts and the evolution of social, political, cultural, and religious systems and constructs.

It has been difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that I have lived in two worlds that often seem incompatible. On a daily basis, I find myself immersed in a culture that imposes strict rules that limit my intellectual and expressive freedom. Whenever I had the opportunity, I immersed myself in the emotive world of curiosity, human expression, and perspective, where individuals create cultures that have outlasted even the most famous nations throughout history. Unfortunately, this parallel universe abruptly came to an end when I graduated.

Working as a professional graphic designer and photographer made it clear to me that I wanted to pursue a Master’s degree. Unfortunately, it took me over a year and a half to convince my family to allow me to do so, rather than simply getting engaged and becoming the first female in my family to pursue a graduate degree.

Attending the country’s premier National College of Arts allowed me to expand my education and skills across the fine arts. This broader exposure helped to refine my academic interests, and I was able to bring these interests together in my thesis on self-harm.

My experimental short film, “Pain of Disappointment,” and accompanying paper explored how the society cope with the expectations placed on them by their families to be successful. The film and paper highlighted the prevalence of self-harm in the society, and how it manifests itself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Through this project, I sought to educate people about self-harm and its impact on our society.

As the first woman in my family to pursue an advanced degree outside of the country, I hope to use the science of Anthropology to explore how individuals can transform negative energies into positive expressions that contribute to and benefit society. Additionally, as a woman growing up in a male-domindated society, I am interested in using Visual Anthropology to study suppressed issues and effectively inform all segments of society, including those who are illiterate, in order to empower everyone to reclaim their pride.

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How to Write a History Essay with Outline, Tips, Examples and More

Before we get into how to write a history essay, let's first understand what makes one good. Different people might have different ideas, but there are some basic rules that can help you do well in your studies. In this guide, we won't get into any fancy theories. Instead, we'll give you straightforward tips to help you with historical writing. So, if you're ready to sharpen your writing skills, let our history essay writing service explore how to craft an exceptional paper.

What is a History Essay?

A history essay is an academic assignment where we explore and analyze historical events from the past. We dig into historical stories, figures, and ideas to understand their importance and how they've shaped our world today. History essay writing involves researching, thinking critically, and presenting arguments based on evidence.

Moreover, history papers foster the development of writing proficiency and the ability to communicate complex ideas effectively. They also encourage students to engage with primary and secondary sources, enhancing their research skills and deepening their understanding of historical methodology. Students can benefit from utilizing essay writers services when faced with challenging assignments. These services provide expert assistance and guidance, ensuring that your history papers meet academic standards and accurately reflect your understanding of the subject matter.

History Essay Outline

The outline is there to guide you in organizing your thoughts and arguments in your essay about history. With a clear outline, you can explore and explain historical events better. Here's how to make one:

Introduction

• Hook: Start with an attention-grabbing opening sentence or anecdote related to your topic.
• Background Information: Provide context on the historical period, event, or theme you'll be discussing.
• Thesis Statement: Present your main argument or viewpoint, outlining the scope and purpose of your history essay.

Body paragraph 1: Introduction to the Historical Context

• Provide background information on the historical context of your topic.
• Highlight key events, figures, or developments leading up to the main focus of your history essay.

Body paragraphs 2-4 (or more): Main Arguments and Supporting Evidence

• Each paragraph should focus on a specific argument or aspect of your thesis.
• Present evidence from primary and secondary sources to support each argument.
• Analyze the significance of the evidence and its relevance to your history paper thesis.

Counterarguments (optional)

• Address potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives on your topic.
• Refute opposing viewpoints with evidence and logical reasoning.
• Summary of Main Points: Recap the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
• Restate Thesis: Reinforce your thesis statement, emphasizing its significance in light of the evidence presented.
• Reflection: Reflect on the broader implications of your arguments for understanding history.
• Closing Thought: End your history paper with a thought-provoking statement that leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

References/bibliography

• List all sources used in your research, formatted according to the citation style required by your instructor (e.g., MLA, APA, Chicago).
• Include both primary and secondary sources, arranged alphabetically by the author's last name.

Notes (if applicable)

• Include footnotes or endnotes to provide additional explanations, citations, or commentary on specific points within your history essay.

History Essay Format

Adhering to a specific format is crucial for clarity, coherence, and academic integrity. Here are the key components of a typical history essay format:

Font and Size

• Use a legible font such as Times New Roman, Arial, or Calibri.
• The recommended font size is usually 12 points. However, check your instructor's guidelines, as they may specify a different size.
• Set 1-inch margins on all sides of the page.
• Double-space the entire essay, including the title, headings, body paragraphs, and references.
• Avoid extra spacing between paragraphs unless specified otherwise.
• Align text to the left margin; avoid justifying the text or using a centered alignment.

Title Page (if required):

• If your instructor requires a title page, include the essay title, your name, the course title, the instructor's name, and the date.
• Center-align this information vertically and horizontally on the page.
• Include a header on each page (excluding the title page if applicable) with your last name and the page number, flush right.
• Some instructors may require a shortened title in the header, usually in all capital letters.
• Center-align the essay title at the top of the first page (if a title page is not required).
• Use standard capitalization (capitalize the first letter of each major word).
• Avoid underlining, italicizing, or bolding the title unless necessary for emphasis.

Paragraph Indentation:

• Indent the first line of each paragraph by 0.5 inches or use the tab key.
• Do not insert extra spaces between paragraphs unless instructed otherwise.

Citations and References:

• Follow the citation style specified by your instructor (e.g., MLA, APA, Chicago).
• Include in-text citations whenever you use information or ideas from external sources.
• Provide a bibliography or list of references at the end of your history essay, formatted according to the citation style guidelines.
• Typically, history essays range from 1000 to 2500 words, but this can vary depending on the assignment.

How to Write a History Essay?

Historical writing can be an exciting journey through time, but it requires careful planning and organization. In this section, we'll break down the process into simple steps to help you craft a compelling and well-structured history paper.

Analyze the Question

Before diving headfirst into writing, take a moment to dissect the essay question. Read it carefully, and then read it again. You want to get to the core of what it's asking. Look out for keywords that indicate what aspects of the topic you need to focus on. If you're unsure about anything, don't hesitate to ask your instructor for clarification. Remember, understanding how to start a history essay is half the battle won!

Now, let's break this step down:

• Read the question carefully and identify keywords or phrases.
• Consider what the question is asking you to do – are you being asked to analyze, compare, contrast, or evaluate?
• Pay attention to any specific instructions or requirements provided in the question.
• Take note of the time period or historical events mentioned in the question – this will give you a clue about the scope of your history essay.

Develop a Strategy

With a clear understanding of the essay question, it's time to map out your approach. Here's how to develop your historical writing strategy:

• Brainstorm ideas : Take a moment to jot down any initial thoughts or ideas that come to mind in response to the history paper question. This can help you generate a list of potential arguments, themes, or points you want to explore in your history essay.
• Create an outline : Once you have a list of ideas, organize them into a logical structure. Start with a clear introduction that introduces your topic and presents your thesis statement – the main argument or point you'll be making in your history essay. Then, outline the key points or arguments you'll be discussing in each paragraph of the body, making sure they relate back to your thesis. Finally, plan a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your history paper thesis.
• Research : Before diving into writing, gather evidence to support your arguments. Use reputable sources such as books, academic journals, and primary documents to gather historical evidence and examples. Take notes as you research, making sure to record the source of each piece of information for proper citation later on.
• Consider counterarguments : Anticipate potential counterarguments to your history paper thesis and think about how you'll address them in your essay. Acknowledging opposing viewpoints and refuting them strengthens your argument and demonstrates critical thinking.
• Set realistic goals : Be realistic about the scope of your history essay and the time you have available to complete it. Break down your writing process into manageable tasks, such as researching, drafting, and revising, and set deadlines for each stage to stay on track.

Start Your Research

Now that you've grasped the history essay topic and outlined your approach, it's time to dive into research. Here's how to start:

• Ask questions : What do you need to know? What are the key points to explore further? Write down your inquiries to guide your research.
• Explore diverse sources : Look beyond textbooks. Check academic journals, reliable websites, and primary sources like documents or artifacts.
• Consider perspectives : Think about different viewpoints on your topic. How have historians analyzed it? Are there controversies or differing interpretations?
• Take organized notes : Summarize key points, jot down quotes, and record your thoughts and questions. Stay organized using spreadsheets or note-taking apps.
• Evaluate sources : Consider the credibility and bias of each source. Are they peer-reviewed? Do they represent a particular viewpoint?

Establish a Viewpoint

By establishing a clear viewpoint and supporting arguments, you'll lay the foundation for your compelling historical writing:

• Review your research : Reflect on the information gathered. What patterns or themes emerge? Which perspectives resonate with you?
• Formulate a thesis statement : Based on your research, develop a clear and concise thesis that states your argument or interpretation of the topic.
• Consider counterarguments : Anticipate objections to your history paper thesis. Are there alternative viewpoints or evidence that you need to address?
• Craft supporting arguments : Outline the main points that support your thesis. Use evidence from your research to strengthen your arguments.
• Stay flexible : Be open to adjusting your viewpoint as you continue writing and researching. New information may challenge or refine your initial ideas.

Structure Your Essay

Now that you've delved into the depths of researching historical events and established your viewpoint, it's time to craft the skeleton of your essay: its structure. Think of your history essay outline as constructing a sturdy bridge between your ideas and your reader's understanding. How will you lead them from point A to point Z? Will you follow a chronological path through history or perhaps dissect themes that span across time periods?

And don't forget about the importance of your introduction and conclusion—are they framing your narrative effectively, enticing your audience to read your paper, and leaving them with lingering thoughts long after they've turned the final page? So, as you lay the bricks of your history essay's architecture, ask yourself: How can I best lead my audience through the maze of time and thought, leaving them enlightened and enriched on the other side?

Create an Engaging Introduction

Creating an engaging introduction is crucial for capturing your reader's interest right from the start. But how do you do it? Think about what makes your topic fascinating. Is there a surprising fact or a compelling story you can share? Maybe you could ask a thought-provoking question that gets people thinking. Consider why your topic matters—what lessons can we learn from history?

Also, remember to explain what your history essay will be about and why it's worth reading. What will grab your reader's attention and make them want to learn more? How can you make your essay relevant and intriguing right from the beginning?

Develop Coherent Paragraphs

Once you've established your introduction, the next step is to develop coherent paragraphs that effectively communicate your ideas. Each paragraph should focus on one main point or argument, supported by evidence or examples from your research. Start by introducing the main idea in a topic sentence, then provide supporting details or evidence to reinforce your point.

Make sure to use transition words and phrases to guide your reader smoothly from one idea to the next, creating a logical flow throughout your history essay. Additionally, consider the organization of your paragraphs—is there a clear progression of ideas that builds upon each other? Are your paragraphs unified around a central theme or argument?

Conclude Effectively

Concluding your history essay effectively is just as important as starting it off strong. In your conclusion, you want to wrap up your main points while leaving a lasting impression on your reader. Begin by summarizing the key points you've made throughout your history essay, reminding your reader of the main arguments and insights you've presented.

Then, consider the broader significance of your topic—what implications does it have for our understanding of history or for the world today? You might also want to reflect on any unanswered questions or areas for further exploration. Finally, end with a thought-provoking statement or a call to action that encourages your reader to continue thinking about the topic long after they've finished reading.

Reference Your Sources

Referencing your sources is essential for maintaining the integrity of your history essay and giving credit to the scholars and researchers who have contributed to your understanding of the topic. Depending on the citation style required (such as MLA, APA, or Chicago), you'll need to format your references accordingly. Start by compiling a list of all the sources you've consulted, including books, articles, websites, and any other materials used in your research.

Then, as you write your history essay, make sure to properly cite each source whenever you use information or ideas that are not your own. This includes direct quotations, paraphrases, and summaries. Remember to include all necessary information for each source, such as author names, publication dates, and page numbers, as required by your chosen citation style.

Review and Ask for Advice

As you near the completion of your history essay writing, it's crucial to take a step back and review your work with a critical eye. Reflect on the clarity and coherence of your arguments—are they logically organized and effectively supported by evidence? Consider the strength of your introduction and conclusion—do they effectively capture the reader's attention and leave a lasting impression? Take the time to carefully proofread your history essay for any grammatical errors or typos that may detract from your overall message.

Furthermore, seeking advice from peers, mentors, or instructors can provide valuable insights and help identify areas for improvement. Consider sharing your essay with someone whose feedback you trust and respect, and be open to constructive criticism. Ask specific questions about areas you're unsure about or where you feel your history essay may be lacking. If you need further assistance, don't hesitate to reach out and ask for help. You can even consider utilizing services that offer to write a discussion post for me , where you can engage in meaningful conversations with others about your essay topic and receive additional guidance and support.

History Essay Example

In this section, we offer an example of a history essay examining the impact of the Industrial Revolution on society. This essay demonstrates how historical analysis and critical thinking are applied in academic writing. By exploring this specific event, you can observe how historical evidence is used to build a cohesive argument and draw meaningful conclusions.

FAQs about History Essay Writing

How to write a history essay introduction, how to write a conclusion for a history essay, how to write a good history essay.

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Tips for Drafting a Free Example of Personal History Statement

Table of Contents

A personal history statement can be crucial to many applications, from university admissions to job search processes.

This blog will provide readers with a guide to writing an example of a personal history statement that is effective and meaningful. Read on to learn tips to draft an example of personal history statement .

What Is a Personal History Statement?

A personal history statement is an autobiographical essay describing an individual’s activities, experiences, and accomplishments . It should be written clearly and directly, focusing on key events or achievements.

The purpose of a personal history statement is to provide insight into the individual’s background, motivations, challenges, and successes.

Tips for Writing an Example of Personal History Statement

1. Begin by determining your purpose for writing the statement – Are you writing it for university admissions? A job application?

2. Brainstorm ideas about what to include in your statement- Consider experiences from childhood through adulthood that helped shape who you are today.

3. Write down key points – Make sure these are easy to find when drafting your statement.

4. Write an outline – This will help you organize the flow of your essay and stay on track.

5. Write the main body of the personal history statement

Begin with a strong introduction that outlines who you are, followed by a few paragraphs describing key events or experiences that have shaped you.

6. Conclude with reflections on what you have learned from these experiences and how they have prepared you for the next step.

7. Proofread and edit – Make sure there are no errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation before submitting your example of personal history statement .

Examples of Personal History Statements

Personal history statements can be written in many different ways, depending on individual experiences. To give an idea of what a personal history statement might look like, here are two examples:

I am a 22-year-old recent graduate from Montshire University with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. Growing up, I overcame many obstacles and adversities, including poverty and homelessness.

Despite these hardships, I was able to find strength through my family and succeed academically, graduating at the top of my class. My experiences have taught me resilience, hard work, and dedication – essential qualities needed for success in any field. In the future, I hope to use my knowledge and experience to make a positive change and impart in the lives of others.

I am a 45-year-old veteran of the US Army, serving for over 20 years. Growing up in an unstable home environment caused me to develop resilience and independence at an early age.

My experiences in the military were also hugely influential as I was able to travel around the world. I gained valuable life lessons that have helped shape who I am today. After leaving active duty, I returned to college and obtained a Master’s degree in Business Administration. Now, I hope to use my education and experiences from both my civilian and military life to help lead successful businesses in the future.

A personal history statement is a great way to provide meaningful insight into an individual’s background, motivations, and successes . By following the tips outlined in this blog, you are on your way to writing an effective example of a personal history statement. This will demonstrate your capabilities and achievements. Good luck!

Abir Ghenaiet

Abir is a data analyst and researcher. Among her interests are artificial intelligence, machine learning, and natural language processing. As a humanitarian and educator, she actively supports women in tech and promotes diversity.

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• Personal History Statement

The Personal History Statement helps reviewers learn more about you as a whole person and as a potential graduate student. This may include relevant details on community service, leadership roles, participation in diverse teams, and significant barriers that you overcame to attend graduate school.

The Purdue University Graduate School application allows applicants to select up to three graduate campuses and/or majors per application.  If you are applying to a 2nd or 3rd choice program, you are only required to submit one personal history statement with your application. Be sure your personal history statement is is all-inclusive, and supports your suitability for your enrollment in all the graduate programs listed on your application. 

Required of all applicants:

• Describe how your background and life experiences contribute to your ability to be both persistent and resourceful in graduate school.
• Describe how your life experiences have prepared you to contribute to an academic community where scholars with diverse research interests, abilities, backgrounds, and experiences are supported, respected, and valued.
• Please address concerns that you may have that your academic record does not reflect your true capabilities and discuss mitigating factors that have affected your academic record. Reviewers will be interested in understanding your accomplishments relative to your opportunities.

The Academic Statement of Purpose and the Personal History Statement are two of the most important documents in your graduate school application. The documents should be concise, clear, and free of spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. You should have others review your document for content, organization, and to ensure that there are no errors. Information in the Personal History Statement should complement but not duplicate information in the Academic Statement of Purpose.

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How to Write a Good History Essay. A Sequence of Actions and Useful Tips

Before you start writing your history essay, there is quite a lot of work that has to be done in order to gain success.

You may ask: what is history essay? What is the difference between it and other kinds of essays? Well, the main goal of a history essay is to measure your progress in learning history and test your range of skills (such as analysis, logic, planning, research, and writing), it is necessary to prepare yourself very well.

Your plan of action may look like this. First of all, you will have to explore the topic. If you are going to write about a certain historical event, think of its causes and premises, and analyze what its impact on history was. In case you are writing about a person, find out why and how he or she came to power and how they influenced society and historical situations.

The next step is to make research and collect all the available information about the person or event, and also find evidence.

Finally, you will have to compose a well-organized response.

During the research, make notes and excerpts of the most notable data, write out the important dates and personalities. And of course, write down all your thoughts and findings.

It all may seem complicated at first sight, but in fact, it is not so scary! To complete this task successfully and compose a good history essay, simply follow several easy steps provided below.

Detailed Writing Instruction for Students to Follow

If you want to successfully complete your essay, it would be better to organize the writing process. You will complete the assignment faster and more efficient if you divide the whole work into several sections or steps.

• Introduction

Writing a good and strong introduction part is important because this is the first thing your reader will see. It gives the first impression of your essay and induces people to reading (or not reading) it.

To make the introduction catchy and interesting, express the contention and address the main question of the essay. Be confident and clear as this is the moment when you define the direction your whole essay will take. And remember that introduction is not the right place for rambling! The best of all is, to begin with, a brief context summary, then go to addressing the question and express the content. Finally, mark the direction your essay about history will take.

Its quality depends on how clear you divided the whole essay into sections in the previous part. As long as you have provided a readable and understandable scheme, your readers will know exactly what to expect.

The body of your essay must give a clear vision of what question you are considering. In this section, you can develop your idea and support it with the evidence you have found. Use certain facts and quotations for that. When being judicial and analytical, they will help you to easily support your point of view and argument.

As long as your essay has a limited size, don’t be too precise. It is allowed to summarize the most essential background information, for example, instead of giving a precise list of all the issues that matter.

It is also good to keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay’s body must tell about only one issue. Don’t make a mess out of your paper!

It is not only essential to start your essay well. How you will end it also matters. A properly-written conclusion is the one that restates the whole paper’s content and gives a logical completion of the issue or question discussed above. Your conclusion must leave to chance for further discussion or arguments on the case. It’s time, to sum up, give a verdict.

That is why it is strongly forbidden to provide any new evidence or information here, as well as start a new discussion, etc.

After you finish writing, give yourself some time and put the paper away for a while. When you turn back to it will be easier to take a fresh look at it and find any mistakes or things to improve. Of course, remember to proofread your writing and check it for any grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. All these tips will help you to learn how to write a history essay.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

How to Write the “Why This College” Essay

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4.1: Introduction to Writing Your Story

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The Power of Story

“Tell me a story.” From children’s bedtimes to corporate boardrooms, stories have power to shape our dreams and fuel our imaginations. In his book Sapiens: A Brief History of Mankind, the historian Noah Yuval Harari argues that stories are what make us human: “Humans think in stories, and we try to make sense of the world by telling stories.”

Every culture around the world tells stories. These stories are a way to share ideas, experiences, beliefs, and cultural traditions. Stories teach, inspire, and create community.

Think about a story that matters to you. This could be a fictional story like a favorite book or a movie, or it real story like a family story or something that happened to you or a friend or someone you admire. Write a paragraph summarizing the story. Share your summary with a small group of peers. What purpose does your story serve? Does it inform? Persuade? Entertain? How do your readers connect with your story?

WHY Stories matter

Words have power. Liza Long, an English professor at the College of Western Idaho and one of the authors of this book, learned firsthand how powerful stories can be when she shared an essay about her struggles to parent a child who had mental illness after the tragic elementary school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut in 2012. The essay, published by Boise State University’s The Blue Review under the title “I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother,” went viral. One person who read the essay was Representative Tim Murphy (R-PA), a member of the U.S. Congress tasked with investigating the causes of Newtown and proposing ways to prevent future tragedies. Murphy reached out to Long, who testified about the urgent need for mental healthcare services at a March 2013 House Energy and Commerce Committee Forum, “After Newtown.”

Although many other experts shared their experiences, it was Long’s personal story of a sweet, kind, bright little boy who had been sent to jail four times because of his illness that really caught lawmakers’ attention. Four years later, in 2016, the Helping Families in Mental Health Crisis Act passed the House with a vote of 422 for and 2 against. Elements of this bill, including the creation of a new Assistant Secretary of Mental Health position, were incorporated into the bipartisan 21st Century Cures Act signed into law by President Obama in 2019. (For more ideas about writing for social change, see here—link to Writing for Social Change chapter).

“I thought I was alone,” she said when interviewed about the impact of her essay. “I soon learned that millions of other people were living my story.”

Long’s experience shows that powerful, well-told stories can connect our writing to our audience. Stories can be used in a variety of writing contexts—as stand-alone narratives that entertain, as “hooks” for persuasive essays, and as ways to illustrate concepts in essays written to inform.

What Is A Story?

What is a story? Stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end. We call this time order (or chronological order). Sometimes a story may use a flashback or skip around in time, but most stories follow a narrative arc, described by the 19th-century German novelist Gustave Freytag in five stages:

• Rising action
• Falling action
• Dénouement (or resolution).

Writers may be more familiar with these terms from studying short stories or novels. However, the same narrative arc applies to effective nonfiction stories. The journalist’s questions—who, what, when, where, how, and why—are useful to developing a story arc.

Key Characteristics of Narrative Writing

• Tells a story with a beginning, a middle, and an end
• Uses a subjective tone (not objective)
• Can use first or third person
• Uses descriptive language and imagery
• Often includes dialogue
• Makes a point

Essay Types within this Chapter

• Personal narrative essay
• Literacy narrative essay
• Narrative nonfiction essay

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, university of idaho admissions info.

Hey everyone, I'm starting to look into applying to the University of Idaho next year. Can anyone give me some information about the admissions process or any tips for getting accepted? Thanks!

Hey there! I'm glad you're considering the University of Idaho. The admissions process for this university is fairly straightforward, and I'll provide you with an overview of the key aspects, as well as some tips to boost your application.

1. Application: You can apply using either the Common App or the University of Idaho's own application. The deadline for Regular Decision is February 15, while Early Action applicants need to submit their applications by December 1. Early Action is non-binding, so if you're accepted, you still have until May 1 to decide whether to attend.

2. Transcript: The University of Idaho requires an official high school transcript showing your course history and GPA. It's important to demonstrate a strong academic performance and prove you're prepared for college-level coursework. Challenging courses like honors, AP, or IB classes can strengthen your profile.

3. Test Scores: The University of Idaho is test-optional, meaning you can choose whether to submit your SAT or ACT scores. If you believe your scores accurately reflect your abilities, you may submit them. Otherwise, your application will be evaluated without considering standardized test scores.

4. Personal Essay: Though not explicitly required, it's highly recommended to submit a personal essay. This is your chance to showcase your unique perspective, personality, and experiences. Focus on meaningful experiences and growth, and ensure you convey your passion for attending the University of Idaho.

5. Letters of Recommendation: The university doesn't require letters of recommendation, but they are encouraged. Be sure to request recommendations from teachers or counselors who know you well and can speak to your academic abilities, character, and growth.

6. Extracurricular Activities: Make sure to include any relevant extracurriculars, leadership roles, awards, and community service. These give the admissions committee a better understanding of you as a well-rounded individual, beyond your academic accomplishments.

Some tips for getting accepted:

- Maintain a strong GPA and take a challenging course load in high school.

- If you choose to submit test scores, ensure they are competitive for the university.

- Spend time crafting a thoughtful, well-written personal essay to make your application stand out.

- Secure strong letters of recommendation that highlight your character and achievements.

- Showcase your extracurricular involvement, leadership, and community service to demonstrate your unique qualities and dedication.

Best of luck with your application to the University of Idaho!

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